Rough Draft of a First Chapter for an original story

[FaxModem1]

“Ben, Ben, time you wake up.” A soft voice was saying into a teenager’s ear.

The only response was a bunch of inaudible grunts and moans from the bed.

“Ben, its time for you to get up.” The voice said again, this time a little more forcefully. Still, no response came from the unconscious teenager.

The woman sighed, “You’ll miss breakfast if you don’t get up. We have pancakes.”

In a flash, the boy sat up and opened his eyes,”Pancakes?”

“Yeah, pancakes now get up before their gone.” The woman said as she stood up from the bed and exited the room.

“Ok Mom.”, was his monotone response as he rubbed his eyes from the deep sleep.

The boy stood up, put on an old pair of pants and a shirt from the closet and looked at the far wall. He had the view of a wheat field with blue sky and clouds in the horizon. It looked like a beautiful morning. This was Ben’s favorite thing to look at, it was probably the reason he had chosen it.

Ben left his bedroom and went through the hallway, passing by his parent’s bedroom and his father’s office. He made a quick stop at the restroom to shower and brush his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror before getting into the sonic cleaner. Ben didn’t understand the thing but it felt like a massage at times and at others it felt like a being at the end of engine. He looked at himself in the mirror, he wasn’t fat, but he could lose a little weight. He hopped in and felt his skin getting clean all over. He stepped out and redressed and went into the kitchen.

His mother and father were already sitting at the table, eating breakfast. His father was catching up on the news while his mother was making a few calls to some business associates.

He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and got a milk carton from the Food Storage Unit. Ben sat down at the table and scooped a few pancakes onto his plate.

“Dad, when are we going to get a new FSU? That one is at least 12 years old.”

“When we have the money to afford it, besides, what’s wrong with the one we have now?” he asked as he turned to another story.

“Nothing, I guess, its just old and getting worn out.”

“So we’ll fix it.” The man in his early forties said,” Never replace something if you can fix it for a cheaper price.”

Ben rolled his eyes and sighed, his father always seemed to have a word of wisdom, and even though he acted as if he was sick of them, he always appreciated hearing them.

Ben’s father turned off the News Hologram and looked at his son,” Ben, did you leave your view on all night?”

“Yeah, it helps me sleep. I like the fields of Kansas.”

“Turn it off now, it wastes energy and I don’t our bill to skyrocket.” Ben poured some syrup on his pancakes, as if not listening. His father scolded and spoke again ,”NOW.”

Ben got out of his chair and rushed to his room and slapped a button, the beautiful image of the wheat fields dancing as the winds blew on them while the morning sun was in the horizon disappeared into a black wall surrounded by a window size frame.”

Ben returned to his seat and continued to prepare his pancakes. His father looked at him and sighed.

“Son, You and I both know you love nature, and how you love to visit the arboretums and State Gardens and Artificial forests, but we have to face it, Earth is an industrial and commercial planet. There hasn’t been a field since the 22nd century.”

“Yeah, yeah, we live on a planet where all we know are megalopolises, metropolises, cities, towns and villages. All we know of nature is in parks and terraformed colonies. I know that Dad, I just wish I could be in a real natural environment, not just some façade that helps grow crops or makes oxygen.” Ben said as he pushed a button on the wall, making a panel retract revealing a window into one of Earth’s megalopolises. All Ben’s life they had lived in this apartment, with a view of the huge economic center of New Dallas, named after and built upon the old city Dallas which had been destroyed in terrorist attacks in the mid 21st century. Ben liked the view, he knew it was something he should be proud of, for having his family living in a spacious apartment in a downtown area and he was, but he was tired of cities, tired of always being urban, of always being trapped on this planet for his entire life. His parents wanted him to be in one of their businesses, either being a stock broker for the Earth market like his mother, or in finances like his father. But Ben wanted to do was see what the galaxy had to offer, and he couldn’t do that through books, images, documentaries, movies and holograms, because he knew he wasn’t there. He wanted to actually be there. Not going from high school to college and then looking for work.

“Ben, you were born here, on this world, and the only business here is commercial. It’s just something that you have to get used to. I know it’s hard, and when I was your age, I also dreamed of living in a rural area. But our life is good here, we only work 8 hours a day and we live with all these luxuries, while people on the colonies live a hard life, making non-synthetic food for everyone to eat. The problem with working on a rural colony is they work most of the day, and hardly ever get time to relax.”

“Yeah Dad, I know.”

Ben had given his dad a short answer because he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He didn’t want to tell them what he really wanted to do.

Ben’s father seemed satisfied with that turned the news back on; he was watching the Galaxy News Network. Ben preferred Lightspeed News, but his father was controlling the Holo-system. So he just sat down on the couch and watched after finishing his breakfast.

The reporter being shown was Donna Rashif, a half Asian, half Indian, and Ben always thought she was a total moron because of her bubbly attitude most of the time, but she had the looks to attract viewers and spoke clearly, so that was what counted. She began a new story.

“Yesterday, on the edge of the Alpha Centari system, a cargo frigate was attacked and hijacked. This is the closest attack to Commercial ships to Earth, which has made the population of all the Alpha Centari colonies demand more ships from the military be diverted to patrolling the system. Our local correspondent, Thomas Finnerty is there live, what do you have for us Tom?”

The Hologram projectors went frantic and changed the image to the streets of Rebirth, capital of the planet and the first interstellar colony ever achieved. The Reporter appeared there wearing his business suit, a rather stupid thing to do since rebirth was in a tropical area of the planet, and was quite humid. The Reporter was Black and could take a career as a model if he wanted it. He started sweating and rubbing his forehead as he started to talk.

“Thank you Amanda, if you look behind me you can see the capital building, in which just a few hours ago, several people were here protesting for military support. Shortly after the police came and dismissed the group. That incident is just one of the many protests for more support from the military to protect its colonies with increased patrols and having more defense systems installed in colony systems. And the big question here is, what will the President decide? Back to you Amanda.”

“Thanks Tom, now we go to Fred Chang, who’s in New York right now. Fred, can you hear me?”

The projectors displayed the image of a man in his late 40s, Caucasian with some Asian features, he stood in the middle of a press room, along with several other reporters, some talking to floating cameras, others setting up equipment and others conversing with each other. The stage was empty. Fred began to speak.

“I’m here at the United Countries of Earth Congress building, waiting in the press room for the President to come and make his speech about her decision about the new military policy. As many Non-Earthborn know, in non trade route space, pirates, raiders and smugglers have the ability to attack commercial and civilian ships, Only the building up of defense systems and the increase of UCE Interstellar Navy ships around colony space stops pirates from attacking. This has lowered these activities to 12% or lower, but in the past few months,” a map of known space appeared in the projector area, Blue dots were all over the map indicating UCE colonies and a blue star indicated the Sol system” a new group has shown up, who have remained anonymous as to who they are, but their seizure of all classes of ships increases speculation as to their intentions.” The man stopped talking for a moment and put a hand to his ear, listening to a new fact. He spoke again, “Everyone, President Jones is coming.”

A slim black woman took the stand, several cameras were then turned on and on every interstellar station across the galaxy she was being heard. She faced the cameras and began to speak.

“My fellow humans and citizens of the United Countries of Earth, I will be short and brief. My new policy is to shift the number of Navy vessels in orbit around Earth to 50 % and have the rest be moved to patrol our colonies. Piracy of any kind will not be tolerated. Our brave citizens who live on the frontier will now live in peace and will not have to fear attacks from criminals. That is all.”

And with that, President Rosita Jones left the stage and exited the room.

Ben’s father, shut off the Holo-system,” If she isn’t the stupidest president we have ever had, my name isn’t Stewart Fielding.”

Ben’s Mother, now finished with her calls, decided to join in the debate,” Why do you say that? I think the colonies need protecting, those people have enough problems as is with making crops for the rest of the galaxy without having to worry about pirates attacking their transports.”

“Jenny, our military is too small anyway, has been for years now, diverting ships from Earth only delays the inevitable, and it opens up Earth for attack.”

“From who? Pirates?”

“You know who I’m referring to, maybe its one of those new terrorist groups springing about, wanting supplies and cheaper costs for everything and all that.”

Ben quickly left the apartment. He hated these stupid political debates that went on every time the President had a speech. Ben decided he would go visit his friend Claire, she was usually up by now and hanging out with her would be fun.

Besides Ben thought I can tell them I want to join the military later, when their not at each other’s throats. Ben went in the elevator and said the floor. The elevator quickly started moving.

The elevator dinged on the floor above his. Ben got off and went to the nearest door. Claire had been his friend since they were both three. They were the only children in the building at that time. Even though they shared quite a few things in common, they had never been romantically involved, they just never thought of each other in that way. He pushed the doorbell, and an electronic ding was made. The door was opened and Claire was there already clothed.

Claire had always been a morning person. Never needing an alarm to wake up, she was usually dressed and had eaten breakfast before her parents had even woken up.

“Hey Claire”

“Hey Ben, you tell them yet?”

“No, they got into an argument about the president’s decision again.”

“Again? Your parents are way too much into politics.”

“Eh, it’s their hobby.”

“But why haven’t you told them you want to join up?” Claire asked as she sat on her sofa. It was something Ben’s family could never hope to afford, but Claire treated it as if it was second hand merchandise. Ben sat beside her.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just scared of what their reactions might be.”

“Ben, tell them, as soon as you do it, you’ll feel a lot better. My parents were mad for a while that I wanted to become an artist instead of a CEO like my mom, but they got used to it.”

“Yeah, after shouting at you for a month.”

“Well, Ben, time heals all wounds. Tell them now.”

“Will you come up with me for support?”

“I’ll be at your door if you need me.”

When they had reached Ben’s apartment, the argument seemed to have died down. Ben halted. He had always been the eternal student, just trying to learn about everything that fascinated him. Not exactly the kind of person you would see on a battleship. Ben thought.

Claire put her hand on his shoulder,” You can do it. It’s only a minute.”

Ben used his key and opened the door.




Marsha was woken up by the small alarm in the wall of her shared room. She looked around; her small room was dark since it was before sunrise. She got up and grabbed a robe from the closet. She headed into the hallway and got in line for the bathroom. She was the fifth in line. Marsha decided that her other brothers were still asleep. Marsha was the youngest of eight children, all the rest were boys. And because of this, she was felt exactly the same as one, her brothers saw no difference between her and any of their other brothers. She looked at who was before her in line; the twins, Charlie and Todd, both blond haired kids in the family. They were part of the seven that received this from their mother, while Marsha was a beautiful brown. Marsha felt her hair; it was down to her chest now.

Better get it cut soon. Marsha thought. She received her hair from her father. But when she was little, her brothers said it was proof she was found on their doorstep. They loved to tease her when she was little, but it made her tough and she knew they all loved her.

Marsha gazed out a window. It was dark. They had to wake up two hours before sunset everyday to get to have enough time to finish their chores.

She had grown up her entire life, 16 years, on this farm, and since the age of 4, she had helped around the house, farm, and wherever else she was needed. The life here was the same year after year, work hard plowing and planting the fields, feeding and taking care of the animals. This was the only thing she had ever known. She loved her family, and loved this planet, but she didn’t want to grow up to be nothing but a farmer, she wanted a life off this planet.

The thing was, the only way for her to do that was to join the military, because a farm girl like her couldn’t get any other type of work. The entire planet was dedicated to agriculture for other colonies and Earth. What their family and other farming families received seemed to her as a raw deal; they received the newest entertainment and news from Earth being broadcasted to them, and more supplies for growing more crops. Earth made sure that they couldn’t be self sufficient. That way they always had to stick with Earth’s deal and couldn’t change it. It was bad enough that they had to pay for the weather controlling system to have it rain on their land. She overheard one Earthborn calling it ‘Mercantilism at its finest’ while he was visiting for business. That was all Earthborns came here for; Business and to cause trouble. Marsha thought. They were only interested in getting things for Earth; no matter how much it screwed them over.

So she had decided she would join. But she hadn’t told her family yet, they considered her the baby of the family, even though now she was 16. They still all wanted to protect her. This irritated her and it also made her know that they would not like her decision. She watched as Fred left the bathroom, now all wet and drying his hair with a towel. They hadn’t been able to afford anything expensive and more efficient like a sonic cleaner. But from what she was told, a towel felt a hell of a lot better.

Marsha waited in line for another 30 minutes, until it was her turn; she used the shower and dried herself off. She went into her room and grabbed her overalls, this design of clothing was centuries old, but what worked, worked. After getting dressed and putting her hair into a ponytail. She went down for breakfast as they watched Lightspeed News. They were watching the President’s speech. Good old Jones had finally decided to send in the troops, eh. What took her so long to decide that? Marsha thought. She then looked at the calendar. Oh yeah, getting near election time, She’s has to have a real vote-getter decision.

Marsha looked at the date, the Earth date anyway. July 22, 2749. Marsha went to the table to eat breakfast as she noticed a few shuttles leaping up out of the atmosphere.

Just a year until I join the Navy. She thought

She sat down at the table; in the minutes that followed her entire family was there. Her brother Harry, the sixth youngest, was complaining about how his love life was in the pits.


On separate worlds, at the same time, one sentence was said to two families. This sentence changed both people’s lives forever, and caused an intense reaction from everyone they knew. That sentence was;

“I’m going to join the military in a year.”





So, what do ya'll think, be honest please.

[Singular Quartet]

In all honesty, you need to write some more before anyone will entirely pass judgement on it, as I have discovered. It's really annoying, as you don't really get any comments, but if you post a few chapters, then you might get some comments. I will, however, read any more you put up, and make final judgements then...

As for syntax/semantics/grammer nazi in me is unleashed...

Za ez nazin to comment on, at ze mo-ment, alzough I may be mizink zome of ze zmaller grammmatical and zpellink errorz. Zat ez all.