Throwing around idea for 40K fanfic

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Brother-Captain Gaius
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Post by Brother-Captain Gaius »

More of chapter 1. Again, comments appreciated. I'm not too good at these non-combat kinda thingies. :oops:

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The fighting on Dreckifir IV had been going on for weeks. Private First Class Saarken's unit, the 164th Cadian/Catachan/Armageddon Combined Regiment had only arrived 10 hours before along with other Guard regiments. They'd been rushed to the front almost immediately to relieve the broken and beaten PDF forces. Chaos had their daemonic eyes set on this world for some reason Saarken could not fathom. The planet was comprised mostly of alpine and steppe stretched across two continents, a nice place for a peaceful rural life, at least until recently. There was nothing of value on the planet save for the well-trained Guardsmen it provided for the Imperium of Man, and only three major cities, one of which fell into Chaos hands almost immediately.

Jek's old unit had been a recently-founded pure Cadian regiment, formed to fight off the forces of the 13th Black Crusade near the Eye of Terror. Decimated in repeated battles against the Chaos hordes, the few remaining survivors had been merged and reassigned to the 164th CCA Cmb. Rgt. He and the forty-some Cadian Guardsmen were now attached to Ares Company of the 164th. Like the rest of the regiment, it contained men primarily from Cadia, Catachan, and Armageddon, hence its name, though there were many others from a variety of other worlds.

The Battle of Gram's Ridge, as it came to be known, eventually turned into an Imperial victory. As slower Guard reserves poured in, the outnumbered Chaos troops were forced to fall back. A decisive armored counterattack turned the Chaos retreat into a rout. The three Leman Russ battle tanks attached to Ares Company saw some action on the Guard's right flank, annihilating a small Chaos unit attempting to hold its ground. Now that some time had been bought, Imperial commanders reorganized their units and unwieldy mobile artillery finally made it to the front lines, deterring further Chaos action.

Jek was cleaning his lasgun in 1st Platoon's barracks as Sergeant Gammt came in. Setting down his weapon, Jek quickly got to his feet and stood at attention.

"As you were, Saarken," the sergeant ordered. Jek visibly relaxed and returned to cleaning his weapon. Aurin Gammt was something of a hardass, but he fought like a man posessed and had the unwavering respect of his squad. Like Saarken, he was a recent addition to the regiment and a Cadian, too. "Now, Private, apparantly the Lieutenant wants to have a word with you. He'll see you in his office tonight, 1900 local. Hell if I know what he wants," stated Gammt, and with that turned on his heel and exited.

Saarken shrugged and begain reassembling his lasgun. He wondered what Lt. Darks wanted... surely he hadn't done anything wrong. Had one of the commissars reported him? For what reason they would do that, Jek had no idea. The young Guardsman had never tried any of the stunts less disciplined regiments liked to pull, nor had he ever shown the slightest hesitation in combat against the enemy. Still, Jek was worried. It was not often a platoon commander wanted to see a grunt in person, that was the sergeants' job.

Jek's thoughts were quickly pushed out of mind by another arrival. This time it was Private Krensh, Saarken's long-time friend and comrade-in-arms. While some doubted his sanity, especially while he was wildly launching a flurry of krak grenades at his enemies, Jek knew better. Most people never bothered to get to know him very well. Tev Krensh had always been fairly shy, despite his semi-maniacal laughter on the battlefield. Out of combat, he was quiet and reserved and preferred to observe rather than participate in things that did not require it.

"Hey Tev, what's up?"

The young man shrugged and moved to his bunk, where he opened his footlocker to retrieve something. "Dunno. Been thinking a bit, y'know? These traitors, these heretics... what's got 'em worked up so much? Last night, at the battle, they didn't even seem human. I was putting 'nades down everywhere. Ran out of kraks completely, but they just kept comin', y'know? One of the traitor Marines was comin' up to my foxhole. I put one, two, three 'nades into him before he fell down. He tried to shoot me, but Lanitt picked the bastard off just in time. Just ain't natural. I mean, I kill tanks with those things. Scary," Tev shook his head. "They say I'm weird... I say 'You ain't seen weird', y'know? 'Course, that usually gets me more strange looks, but..." He trailed off. Tev was like this, he tended to ramble on for awhile and often seemed to forget he was talking to someone else.

Not knowing what to say, Jek put away his weapon and packed up the freshly charged las-cells.
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Peregrin Toker
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Looks very good so far.
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Post by Brother-Captain Gaius »

Just to keep this from totally dying, I've had less time recently but I am still going to be working on it. There just may not be anything for awhile while I get caught with various RL crap.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

JediNeophyte wrote:Just to keep this from totally dying, I've had less time recently but I am still going to be working on it. There just may not be anything for awhile while I get caught with various RL crap.
Don't worry. I also take breaks while writing and occassionally, weeks pass between new chapters of "The Wormhole War."
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Stormbringer
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Post by Stormbringer »

JediNeophyte wrote:Just to keep this from totally dying, I've had less time recently but I am still going to be working on it. There just may not be anything for awhile while I get caught with various RL crap.
Sorry I missed the update. It looks pretty good.



The one thing I would do those is to find a way to make the historical exposition into something more active. They really slow down the pace and don't fit well with the first person perspective of the story.
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white_rabbit
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Post by white_rabbit »

In terms of description, I've been trying to stay in line with what's shown in the Ghosts novels. But then again, I don't recall any vivid description of lasfire in them anyways.
They are usually bolts and beams, standard stuff, although Abnett does at several point distinctly describe lasfire as definate beams bisecting a person, not seperate bolts.

Its funny, we call lightening "bolts" and they visually aren't seperate, rather they are continous streams.

*shrug*


nice story
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