DEAD HEARTS

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Lord Poe
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DEAD HEARTS

Post by Lord Poe »

This is a short story that my friend, Ray Montes just finished. I'd love to get some feedback on it from yous guys.

DEAD HEARTS By Ray Montes

CHAPTER ONE

Why was it so black?

For three months, I had been using this same ferry. Five times a week. Same route. Same time.

It had always been a pleasant experience. The sounds of the night creatures. The scent of the tall trees lining the sides of the river. And the lit torches on the corners of the ferry. (Tourists love that crap.)

However, tonight it was different. It was like floating through nothingness. I can barely see a thing. And all the little noisemakers. I can still hear them, but it is as if they were far away. Something's not right...I must be coming down with the flu. Yup. Must be.

My Cool Job

A flickering porchlight in the distance. This was my destination.

I can barely make out the silhouette of the mortuary against the black sky.
I quickly open the door and enter. Glad to escape the overwhelming darkness. Here in the reception room, I take pause. My heart was beating fast. The change in temperature causes me to sweat. I look over to the Receptionist's chair. It was empty. The City's budget didn't allow for a secretary.

"Jason. Is that you?" The intercom.

"It's me, Mr. Adams." Immediately the inner door starts to buzz. I open it and walk through.

The morgue.

I remember the first time I walked in here and was surprised by the sight before me. No, it wasn't corpses or anything like that. It was actually the huge black Hearse, which rested in the middle of the room. Mr. Adams explained that it was simple matter of "practicality".

"We're a small town with a smaller budget." He said. Which is why the morgue also doubled as a garage for the Hearse. This "double-duty" mentality extended not only to the town's structures, but also its people. Ben Adams, for example, was not only a mortician but also the coroner. And guess where he does his autopsies? Yup. The morgue. Therefore, this room was actually a morgue-slash-exam room-slash-garage.

"Tonight I want you do the makeup for Mrs. Cain." Ben is scrubbing his hands. He must have just completed the embalming process for Mrs. Cain. And now for the first time, he was going to let me lead part of the preparation. "Consider it done." I say.

Ben Adams shoots a piercing glare at me through his thick glasses. "Really." He says as he stares at me. I can feel myself start to sweat again. If there's one thing Mr. Adams hates, it is arrogance. He continues to stare.

"Do you have any questions before I retire?" He says.

What?! I naturally assumed he would stick around for my first solo job, just in case. But now I find out he intends to head off to bed? I wasn't ready for this!

"Uh, actually there are a few things I wanted to go over just to be sure." I'm feeling a little panicky.

The entire mortuary consisted of four main parts; the reception room, the wake room, the morgue-slash-etc., and Ben's room. There was a door that led from the morgue to Ben's room. As Ben slept, he would only be a few yards from Mrs. Cain and me. But distance was not the issue. If I screwed up to the point that I had to wake him, it would not go over well.

Remembering when I first got this job, I thought about how I couldn't wait to tell all my friends on the Internet. We were all into death, Halloween, vampires and the like. I knew I would be an instant hit.

And I was.

Now suddenly my cool job is in jeopardy. Mr. Adams has called me on my cockiness. When he wakes up in the morning, he's going to look for a mistake. Any mistake...

Looking back on this night, I know now what the blackness on the river was.

It was a warning.

Why did I ignore it? Why?


Six Months Later


I hate to admit it, but here it is; this job is getting boring.

We've had a grand total of five "customers" in the nine months or so that I've been here. Death was not a frequent visitor of this little town.
Internet buddy:
"So you just kick back and wait for granny to drop dead? Sweet."
Tsh. Yeah right. Ben has me on an intense study program. He seems Hell-bent on making sure I know everything there is to know about the dead. How to bury them, examine them, store them. Every step of decomposition from that last heartbeat forward. All the health hazards posed by the dead. Everything!

He's Ready

It's now a couple of weeks later. The old man has eased up a bit.
I think he was actually impressed by my ability to absorb so much information. Frankly, I'm impressed myself. My brain is notorious for repelling useful knowledge.

So here we are. It's a perfect day outside. There are no "clients" in-house so it's okay to leave the garage door open. I got the TV on while I casually work on the Hearse. It was good practice while I waited to buy my own ride. As usual, the local newstation was straining for interesting topics. Today, however, they did have something that peaked my interest.
They began a segment on a local beauty pageant. So now my attention was shifting between the car and the TV.

From behind me: "Jason."

Mini heart attack. I HATE when he sneaks up on me like that!

"Yess. Mr. Adams...Sir." I said with just a pinch of angry sarcasm. Now as my heart begins to beat again, Ben attempts to stop it once more.

"I'm going up north for three weeks." He states. I have no voice. I simply mouth a few words like; "Huh." "What?" "I -"

"You have adequate job knowledge. Enough to run the business unattended for a few weeks at least." Ben wasn't big on emotions. There was no pride or congratulatory tone in his voice. It was simply state-of-fact.

I, on the other hand, was enjoying a whirlwind of emotions. Once again, Ben was throwing me to the lions. Admittedly, with all I've learned, I felt a bit more prepared than I was the night with Mrs. Cain.

Ben started to go over a few minor details that needed tending while he was gone. At this point, my eyes and full attention are focused on the TV. It is showing the young beauties strutting about in swimsuits and high-heels. Wow.

This is just what I was talking about earlier.

My attention should be centered on every word coming out of Ben's mouth. It's IMPORTANT info vital to my success while he's gone. And yet, I didn't hear a single syllable.

Looking back on this moment.

I know now why Ben did not adjust my attention.

It was right where he wanted it.

CHAPTER TWO


The Call.

ring...

So Ben leaves and I'm a nervous wreck. I go about my business anticipating the moment when something catastrophic happens, or I invariably make a horrible mistake. But it never happens. Oh, I make a few mistakes, but they are minor ones easily corrected.

Ring...

So here it is a week into Ben's absence. Not only have I calmed down, but also I've had an interesting realization: This is my job. This is what I'm going to do for the next thirty years. This is who I am.

Ring...

I'm a bit surprised at this. It certainly isn't what I had planned. But then again, how many people end up living their childhood dreams?
But this wasn't so bad. I enjoyed the work and the pay was good. And talk about job security!

RING...

I open my eyes.

I'm in Ben's room, on his bed. Why?

Because the Head Mortician is required to maintain residence at the mortuary. And while Ben is away, that was me.

OK. Now for my second question: It's just after three in the morning and the phone is ringing. Why?

RING!

Great. Calls at this time of night are always about bad news.

"Hello?"

The voice announced herself as a Lieutenant Dean from the local PD. She asked me to identify myself. (There goes my heart rate!) I told her who I was. She gave me an address and told me I would be dealing with four intact bodies.

"Sir, I need you here as soon as possible."

"I'll...be right there."

"Thank you." Click.

Somewhere deep in my brain I know everything I'm supposed to do right know. I know exactly what equipment I'll need. But for now, my mind is a total blank.

I get out of bed and try to walk in three different directions at once. After getting nowhere fast, I stand still and think about my rising hatred for Ben. Why does he keep putting me in these fucked-up situations?!

Interestingly, the anger I feel allows me to focus my thoughts. As I begin to dress, I start to remember what field equipment I'll need. And then a positive thought actually pops into my head: I now have a great excuse to open up the Hearse on the straight-aways!

Tying my shoes, I can't help but smile.

The Decision

Jason had been gone for hours. It was now early morning. In all that time the funeral home had been dark...quiet...peaceful.
That peace was now shattered by the abrupt clanging of the garage door as it slowly starts to roll up into the roof. The morning sunshine flooded into the morgue. Bathed in the glare was a mass of black gleaming steel that waited patiently for the noisy door to open completely. Once the door was up, the Hearse glided into the room. All at once it's deep exhaust went silent and the garage door began clanking back down. Behind the wheel, Jason sat unmoving. Sunshine quickly retreated from the room as if in fear. Jason simply sat. His face seemed to mimic the front of the Hearse. His eyes, staring straight and unblinking, like headlights. His face, without emotion, without movement. He sat for quite a bit after the door closed. Then, suddenly, he departed the Hearse and walked towards the back end of it.


Fade to Later

I'm done. All the bodies have been prepped and placed in the drawers.

It was the most professional job I've ever completed. No TV or radio. No wasted motions. No contact that wasn't absolutely necessary. But there were flaws in my performance...like the glances.

Glances at parts of the bodies I had no reason to be studying. And the thoughts. Thought in the back of my mind that tried with rabid determination to make their way to the front of my mind.

And the feelings...the feelings.

Somehow, I find myself sitting in Ben's room, with the TV on. I stare at the TV but I'm not watching it. Now that I'm here away from the bodies, I decide to explore the thoughts that I had to restrain earlier.

The fact is: I am attracted to these bodies. But so what?! It's completely natural for a man to be attracted to beautiful women. And since these young ladies had only been dead for a very short time, they still retained much of their beauty.

But that is not the issue. That is not the issue at all...

I remember pulling up to the Forrestview Inn where it all happened. I opened my door and was assaulted by the stench of gas. (I heard natural gas has no odor so the Gas Company adds a foul smell to make it detectable.)

There was a large fan in the doorway of the Inn and four sheet-covered bodies on the grass. A serious-looking woman with a police badge on her waist walked up to meet me. Lt. Dean introduced herself and told me what happened. It was just as it seemed. A gas pipe had ruptured sometime during the night. By the time somebody noticed, four women had already died. (All women?)

I went over to the bodies and uncovered a face.

Wow. She was stunning. Certainly not a local.

Dean said the rest of the contestants and sponsors had gone to the hospital.

"Contestants?" I said.

"Right. A beauty pageant for Miss whatever." Lt. Dean.

What? I looked back at the stunning corpse before me. You mean to tell me this is one of the hot babes I was ogling on TV just a few days ago? Holy shit...

I looked over at the other sheet-covered bodies. You mean to tell me these are ALL beauty contestants? Holy-shit...

So here I am now, in Ben's room, dealing with the real issue. I find that I am more attracted to these dead women than I've ever been to a live one.
Since I've had this job there have been plenty of jokes made between my friends and me about the dead. A lot of them were necrophile jokes aimed at me. But they were just jokes. I hadn't seriously thought of myself as an actual necrophile.

Until now.

The urge is just becoming too much. I can't think straight like this.

I know that there is only one proper way to take care of this. I'm just going to go to the bathroom and get rid of it like a man. With that taken care of, I would then be able to think with reason, and figure out what to do about this. (In the back of my mind I know of course that there is plenty of time to do the unthinkable. Ben won't be back for about two weeks!)
Okay then. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom. I reached for the doorknob.

RING.

Fuck. Now what?

"Yes? Hello?" I say guiltily.

"Jason. This is Ben."

No shit.

"I've been informed of the tragedy with the young women. I'm heading back immediately. There will no doubt be some media attention and I wouldn't want you to face that alone."

"Okay." My mind is just frozen at this point.

"I'll be back by nightfall." Click.

I'm standing in place with the sound of the dial tone in one ear. He's coming back now. He's coming back now! I look at the wall with the two doors. One door led to the morgue, the other to the bathroom. Two doors, two choices. One choice would probably allow me to lead a life as a decent, productive human being. One choice would certainly guarantee me a place in Hell. Not to mention jail.

I know that this opportunity will never present itself again. If I could just resist temptation this one time, I should never have to deal with it again. But that is not going to happen, is it? The decision has already been made. It was made the moment I lifted up that sheet at the Inn.

I gazed to the beauty before me.

A gorgeous woman who was never meant to be mine.

Now she was.

All my senses become enraptured by the exploration of her cool voluptuous body. Every sexual whim I've ever had as a man I now fulfilled with unmatched pleasure. The outside world, with it's rules and morality and all the bullshit, was now invalid. I was now in paradise.

I tasted of the forbidden fruit, and now it was time to sail into the waves that would lead to that final great explosion of perfect existence.

And so I went forth.

When the moment came, I felt as if I was the very embodiment of joy itself.

Afterward

I was sitting quietly on the hood of the Hearse. I watched my breathless lover and felt a little sad. Sad for all those who will never know what perfect sex is like.

I know what it's like and will forever be addicted. I wondered now if in fact I will ever experience such total joy again. Or if it is possible at all to surpass that joy? My eyes shifted to the drawers with the three other bodies.

CHAPTER THREE


Spiral

Insane. I am going truly insane.

It's been three months since the "Forrestview Tragedy", as the media called it. The girls had been buried. The news hounds have moved on to other stories. And nobody knows what I did. Right?

Wrong.

Ever since I committed the unspeakable, my thirst for more has become overwhelming. My thoughts are always directed towards one goal - 'Make it happen again'.

I can't stop thinking it. I've even been contemplating murder.

Indeed, I will NOT get away with what I did. For it has left me with an obsession which will force me to commit other acts until I am caught.

The price of paradise will be harsh after all.

I must admit, I'm amazed I got away with it at all. For certain, I thought Ben would instantly see the guilt in my eyes, examine the bodies, and know just what I did. But that did not happen at all. From the moment he arrived that night, Ben's concerned was with the media, and relatives of the deceased. He left me in charge of the bodies right up to and including the burial. In fact, I'm not sure he ever saw the bodies at all. Weird.

I felt good that he had so much confidence in me. I also felt terrible. Really terrible.

Foxhead

So here I am at some pier. It is a perfect summer day. The ocean breeze is heavenly. And best of all, she's here with me, holding my hand. Her golden hair fluttered as she watched me. I marveled at how alive she was, now. Her skin was warm, and full of color. Her eyes were still black and her lips had no color of their own. But that was fine. That was the face of paradise. She was the first. The first of the four.

She was special.

I don't know why she was alive now. I don't care. All that matters is that she is here, with me, now.

"Is this woman your girlfriend?" from behind.

I turned around. Standing there are Lt. Dean and one of her uniformed cops. I looked to my undead beauty and held her delicate hand up against my chest. "Yes, we belong together." I say.

The cop grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me from my lover. With great force, I am pulled further and further away. My unblinking blond held her arms out to me beckoning me back. I gather all my strength and rage. I holler at the top of my lungs as I burst forth with all my might.

Everything disappears.

Where am I?

It's dark. Just shadows. I am sitting on a bed. But where am I? Moonlight cuts through window blinds. I start to recognize the shapes. It's my room. I'm in my room and it's just a dream I had. Yes, this is my room all right. I can identify all the dark shapes I see. All except for the thing sitting in my chair.

When I was a child, I had a knack for seeing monsters in the dark. I suppose all kids do to some extent. But the ones I saw were so vivid. I could look at just about anything in the dim moonlight and make out some hideous creature. That is probably why I developed the habit of sleeping with a blanket over my head.

So that's it. A bit of my childhood has come back to scare me. I look hard at the thing to try and figure out just what it is I am really seeing. But it's no use. Because I never leave anything in that chair. Because it wasn't a trick of light. Because there IS SOMETHING SITTING IN MY CHAIR.

Almost as if in answer to this realization, IT shifted.

Every nerve ending in my body lit up and I was paralyzed with terror.
It's black silhouette appeared human in form, except for the head. It sort of looked like a fox's head. It was horizontal in shape with long tapered ears. And the eyes. The eyes almost glowed, as they looked directly into my own.

We faced each other for an unbearably long time. I was waiting for the inevitable attack. But the thing simply sat and stared unblinking at me. My body was already protesting. I had to act while I still had some strength left. I remembered the hunting knife I kept in the drawer beside the bed. In order to get it I would have to turn away from the creature for a second or two. It was my only chance.
I took one final deep breath.

I surprise myself with the speed at which I twist my body around and lunge for the drawer. I jerk the drawer out as a huge weight slammed onto my body. There is a deep growling in my right ear as the moonlight shrinks to a dim dot and disappears.

Blackness.
Nothingness.

Blackness.
Pain.

I try to open my eyes. The light makes me squint. I'm on the floor in a room. I didn't know this place. I start to sit up. My whole body hurts. I gently sat back against a wall. After some moments, I remembered who I was. I remembered my life. But I still did not know why I was here.

The room was small, dank, and dirty. There was a bare lightbulb on the ceiling, wooden desk and chair across from me, and nothing else. The door was at the opposite corner from where I sat. I noticed something. It looked like a piece of paper stuck to the door. A note?

My head became clear enough so that I felt a sudden wave of fear. I was in trouble. Somebody had hurt me and put me here. And that somebody was not friendly.

I slid myself up the side of the wall. My shoulder bumps something. I shot a startled look to the side. It was a painting. It seemed to be a portrait of a man and woman. The man embraced the woman. His face held both sorrow and joy. The woman...she was dead. The artist gave her the appearance of a corpse. But yet, she seemed very much alive in the way she held the man's arms, and smiled slightly.

To say I could relate to this painting would be an understatement. Suddenly my fear jumped by leaps and bounds. Did somebody know? Did somebody know my secret? I needed to leave here.

My legs hurt as I headed over to the door. I got close enough to read the note-

Jason,

Go through the door on the right.

Good luck.

I hate it when people say to me, "Good luck". It always means I'm about to enter a situation that requires I either succeed or fail. And every time I was told, "Good luck", I failed. Every time.

I opened the door.

A hallway. Same as the room. Dank, dirty, and barely lit. It turned off to the right some thirty feet away. But before that, about halfway down, a door. It was on the right, like the note said.

I start down the hall. I notice a muffled humming noise. It became more pronounced as I approached the door on the right. Once in front of the door, I simply stared at it. Should I go in? What was that?! I put one ear close to the door. There are other sounds besides the humming. Some type of screeching. Like...maybe...cries. Cries of agony.

The hell with this. I quickly continued down the hall. I zipped around a corner and almost slammed into a barred door. Through the bars, I can see stairs leading up. No doubt to the outside world. I grabbed the bars and jerked violently. Nothing.

"Fuck."

There was only one place left to go.


Hell Awaits

I returned to THE door.

I stood for a very long time. The humming, the screeching, the doorknob. It dawned on me that beyond this door may very well lie my death. I might actually die today, now. And might there be more? Might there be some horrible torture in store for me? Will I soon be begging for death?

I am scared. Terrified. I don't want this.

But if I wait long enough, my captor(s) will return and force me through this door. But no. I won't allow that. I will not be pushed through.

I grabbed the doorknob. The humming noise makes it vibrate slightly. Oh, God. Please. Save me. I turn the knob and pushed the door open. My heart is thundering as I brace for action.

It was Hell.

The first thing my eyes recognized was the flames. I felt the heat gush over me. And the noise. The mechanical humming was now blaringly loud. I still heard the screeching, but just barely.

I could not move. I could not blink.

Just when I thought I was about to collapse, my pulse began to slow, my panic began to subside ever so slightly. My brain began to comprehend more of what it was seeing.

It wasn't "Hell" I was looking at. It was a room. At the far end was an industrial-type incinerator. Flames showed through its four huge ports. As a result, the room was bathed in dancing orange-yellow light. I could see that there were numerous examination tables scattered about. They are similar to the ones at the morgue.

What was that on each table? Something small. Moving...

Animals?

Is that what this is about? Is this some kind of illegal vivisection center?

I'm not exactly sure why, but I felt somewhat relieved. I shouldn't be. I was still in trouble. I still needed to find a way out of here. As much as I did not want to enter this room, I knew I must.

I had to get a better look at the poor creatures to see just what was taking place here. And I wanted to search the room for a possible exit. At the very least, I might find something to use as a weapon against my captures.

And so, I stepped inside. The heat was almost unbearable. Easily over a hundred degrees. I had to shield my face with one hand. I watched the floor as I moved forward. Soon I see the legs of one of the tables. I approached the table and moved my hand enough to view the creature.

Dear Reader,

What I beheld at this time I can and shall describe to you. But consider this; No description, no words, can convey the experience of facing horror great enough to drain one's sanity in mere moments.

I looked upon the creature.
It was neither canine nor feline.
It was...
Human.

It was an infant child that my eyes beheld. And in such a state that it caused me to feel a sudden detachment from reality.

The pitiful child lay there kicking and screeching in agony. And with every reason to do so.

It's hands had been recently amputated. Leaving only stumps wrapped in bloodstained bandages. It's eyes, also bandaged. I did not want to know why. And it's head,...no...why? The upper portion of the child's skull had been surgically removed, leaving the brain exposed. There was some sort of electrodes attached directly to brain, with wires trailing of past the edge of the table.

The thunderous humming suddenly lowered in pitch and volume. As if this were a queue, the infant, all the infants, attempted to roll onto their stomachs. Most succeeded. Some did not. The electrodes. Were these tortured souls being conditioned?

I looked around and studied the infants. They all seemed to be in the same basic condition as the first. Open cranium. Electrodes. Surgical mutilations.

I noticed a few had extremely thin limbs and swollen bellies. Starvation? My eyes came upon one child that seemed particularly different from the others. I went over to it.

The child's abdomen looked as if it had been torn open and the organs were missing. All of them. I could see all the way to the spine. The baby bellowed and kicked like all the others. It came to me that this absolutely could not be. There is no possible way that this child could still be alive.

This is when it happened. My sanity had been pulling away from the moment I saw the first child. And it was at this point that it slipped from my grasp.

My eyes open.

I see a wall. It's upholstered, like furniture. The floor I'm lying on has identical padding. Very comfortable. I look around to see that it is a small room I was in. It's covered top to bottom in the comfy cushions. Interesting. I also see that I'm wearing pajamas. I don't wear pajamas, do I?

I would love to explore all of this were I not so extremely tired and sleepy. A most wonderful idea occurs to me-Sleep. Yes, indeed. That would be the best thing to do.

And so, I drift away.

Later.

"Jason." A voice in the darkness.

What? I thought.

"Jason."

"What?" I said.

"It's me, Ben Adams. How are you feeling?"

I open my eyes wide.

He sat on the floor, back to the wall and a rare wonderful smile on his face. It was Ben! It felt like a million years since I'd seen another human being. A sudden rush of emotion took me. My eyes welled up. I strained not to sob.

"Ben. What happened? Where am I?" My voice trembled. A few tears escaped my eyes.

"You recognize me. Very good. Do you know where you work and live?" He said. Did Ben think I had amnesia?

Somehow, I found this insulting. I reacted with just a bit of hostility, "Yes, I know all that! I just don't know how I got here."

"Do you remember the nursery?"

It was like a kick in the head. All that horror came flooding back. The room. He must be talking about the room. But that's not possible. That room cannot really exist. It had to be a nightmare. It had to be.

"You do remember...Good." Ben stared at me intently. "Well...Let's leave this place shall we." He said.

Ben rose with a slight groan. I slowly pushed my body off the floor. Ben grabbed my arm and lifted. The help was needed, as I was still weak. Once I was on my feet, I felt the room spin. Ben kept me from falling. The dizziness slowly started to fade. We proceeded out of the cell.

Now in a hallway, I looked around. It was clean, and bright. I felt infinitely better. I did not know if I was in a hospital or a nuthouse. I didn't care. All that mattered was that I was back in the real world. And that was a good thing.

Then I saw him.

Somebody was slowly stumbling down the hallway. He had one shoulder pushed against the wall for support. The man was wearing a black cape that covered him completely, except for the head. That was a different story. His head appeared bigger than it should be. And the top half of it was transparent with the brains showing through. I guess I should have been terrified, but I wasn't. His appearance just seemed very...phony.

As we neared each other, I recognized the head. It was an old Frankenstein Halloween mask. I remembered, as a kid, how much I wanted one because I thought the glass dome was so cool.

I turned to Ben.

"A former candidate such as yourself." Was his response.

Candidate?

"He, however, did not fare so well with the acceptance test. Eventually we discovered that by wearing that costume, he would remain calm and controllable. And so surgical treatment became unnecessary."

"What?!" It was all I could say. I had no clue as to what he was talking about.

We came to a door. Ben opened it and we stepped in.
The room's only light came from several fishtanks spread throughout. At least that's what I thought they were at first glance; fishtanks. They had indeed been filled with liquid, but there were no fish in these tanks. Each tank had something in it. Something big.

I stepped up to one.

I recognized the object inside. It was a human body. Adult. Female. All four limbs had been removed and the body just barely fit in the tank. Also, she appeared to be pregnant.

So what's the deal anyway? Am I in the real world? Am I having a really long nightmare? Or am I in Hell itself?

I gently rest my forehead against the glass tank as I stare depressingly at this latest horror.

"The liquid in these tanks is a highly conductive proto-enzyme. When combined with a low-level electrical current, it causes dead tissue to mimic living tissue." Ben spoke as if it were just another day, just another lecture.

"I'm sure you've seen how a severed frog's leg can be made to move by applying electrical current? What you see here is an infinitely more sophisticated version of that concept."

Ben got close to me. Put his face close to mine. He said quietly, "All these pregnancies were conceived after death." I turned my head to face him. Even in the midst of Hell, Ben still had the ability to shock me. I stepped back from him. I shook my head, refusing to accept his words.

"The bodies will go full-term and give birth to - -"

"NO!" I could not stand another word, "You made those things in that room.."

"The nursery. Yes, that's correct. Most candidates suffer permanent mental instabilities upon viewing them. Like our costumed friend in the hallway. You, however, retained your will of mind and body. It was your final test. You are ready to take your place here."

I noticed double-doors at the opposite end of the room. I bolted for them. Real or imagined, I would not stay in this place anymore.

I burst through the doors and found myself in a room darker than the last. Pitch-black save for the middle. There stood a sort of altar. A woman's body lay atop it. Her nude form was bathed in the soft glow of a light from up high.

I came over to her.

Her body was intact. Her stomach flat. She seemed in her early twenties and very recently deceased. I studied her face. Beautiful. She looked just like-

"Stunning, isn't she?" Ben's voice from behind.

"It has taken a lot of effort to get you here, my boy. The job at the mortuary. Your encounter with the four young ladies."

I turned my head slightly.

"Of course I know about that, Jason. I arranged it. The fact is, I mapped your life out before we even met."

"Why?" I asked quietly.

"So you could do your job...Your real job."

As I gazed upon the still beauty before me, I knew. I knew just what he meant.

"We tried artificial insemination. But for reasons we still haven't discovered, only natural conception is successful with our subjects."

Ben paused for a bit, then, "Well...I'll leave you two alone."


The End
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"Brian, if I parked a supertanker in Central Park, painted it neon orange, and set it on fire, it would be less obvious than your stupidity." --RedImperator
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Lord Poe
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Post by Lord Poe »

Come now... 38 hits, and no replies? :?
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Crayz9000
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Post by Crayz9000 »

This is... whacked.

That's all I can say for now.
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Post by Knife »

:shock:

Ok. Well for techniuge and all, its a little choppy. It needs to be smothed out a little. Plus, the zig zagging through out time gets confusing. First your here, then your there, then you jump forward in time, then you fade back.......its real confusing.

He could extend each scene into its own chapter to relieve some of that confusion and make it flow better.
They say, "the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots." I suppose it never occurred to them that they are the tyrants, not the patriots. Those weapons are not being used to fight some kind of tyranny; they are bringing them to an event where people are getting together to talk. -Mike Wong

But as far as board culture in general, I do think that young male overaggression is a contributing factor to the general atmosphere of hostility. It's not SOS and the Mess throwing hand grenades all over the forum- Red
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Lord Poe
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Post by Lord Poe »

Crayz9000 wrote:This is... whacked.

That's all I can say for now.
I think that's what he was going for! After I read it, I called him up and told him I've changed the locks on my door. (He has a key!)
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Lord Poe
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Post by Lord Poe »

Knife wrote::shock:

Ok. Well for techniuge and all, its a little choppy. It needs to be smothed out a little. Plus, the zig zagging through out time gets confusing. First your here, then your there, then you jump forward in time, then you fade back.......its real confusing.

He could extend each scene into its own chapter to relieve some of that confusion and make it flow better.
Er.. zig zagging through time?? I didn't...see that..
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Knife
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Post by Knife »

Lord Poe wrote: Er.. zig zagging through time?? I didn't...see that..
Starts on a ferry, persumable after the main events of the story, then fades back to the begaining of the story, then goes to the first day of his job, then fades back to the main events then fast forward six months later, a couple of fades of intermeadiate time intervals, another big jump of three months,

Weird flashback/flash forward scene with the cops and then degenerating into the walking nighmare thingy, fade back to main events,

In summery, alot of jumps through time. Choppy at that. Its hard to read and hard to keep track of where the hell your at. And this is not even going into the subject matter. Eeeewww.
They say, "the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots." I suppose it never occurred to them that they are the tyrants, not the patriots. Those weapons are not being used to fight some kind of tyranny; they are bringing them to an event where people are getting together to talk. -Mike Wong

But as far as board culture in general, I do think that young male overaggression is a contributing factor to the general atmosphere of hostility. It's not SOS and the Mess throwing hand grenades all over the forum- Red
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Post by Lord Poe »

Knife wrote:
Lord Poe wrote: Er.. zig zagging through time?? I didn't...see that..
Starts on a ferry, persumable after the main events of the story, then fades back to the begaining of the story, then goes to the first day of his job, then fades back to the main events then fast forward six months later, a couple of fades of intermeadiate time intervals, another big jump of three months,
Actually, I didn't see it that way. He was talking about going to the first day on the job while on the ferry, and noted that this night was different, and how he was glad to escape the blackness.

But yeah, I see how it fades in and out from telling a story to experiencing it in real time.
Weird flashback/flash forward scene with the cops and then degenerating into the walking nighmare thingy, fade back to main events,

In summery, alot of jumps through time. Choppy at that. Its hard to read and hard to keep track of where the hell your at. And this is not even going into the subject matter. Eeeewww.
Thanks for these comments. I'm going to give the link to Ray, so he can put in another draft. And BTW, if you knew Ray, this is probably the most PG-13 thing he's thought up! :twisted:
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Post by Knife »

No prob.
They say, "the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots." I suppose it never occurred to them that they are the tyrants, not the patriots. Those weapons are not being used to fight some kind of tyranny; they are bringing them to an event where people are getting together to talk. -Mike Wong

But as far as board culture in general, I do think that young male overaggression is a contributing factor to the general atmosphere of hostility. It's not SOS and the Mess throwing hand grenades all over the forum- Red
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