YAY!!! TODAY'S SUMMER!!! LIBERATION IS AT HAND!!!
And nope, the story isn't about characterization. It's about a squad's adventures, how they kick ass and all the shit they faced.
SOLDIERS OF THE SOVEREIGNTY
Moderator: LadyTevar
-
Shroom Man 777
- FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
- Posts: 21222
- Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
- Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
- Contact:
-
Peregrin Toker
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8609
- Joined: 2002-07-04 10:57am
- Location: Denmark
- Contact:
You better include some character development nonetheless, or the story will seem more or less flat.Shroom Man 777 wrote:And nope, the story isn't about characterization. It's about a squad's adventures, how they kick ass and all the shit they faced.
(One of the reasons I saw Hubbard's space-opera novel "Battlefield Earth" as one of the biggest wasted opportunities in the history of sci-fi was the sheer shallowness of the characters)
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"
"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
-
Shroom Man 777
- FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
- Posts: 21222
- Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
- Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
- Contact:
-
Peregrin Toker
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8609
- Joined: 2002-07-04 10:57am
- Location: Denmark
- Contact:
I don't have much experience either, but I do know that the least you can do is to write what the characters are thinking, and have some plans for how each character will develop. Since this is a war story, you might write about how real war is for those particular soldiers who've never seen war before, or how the war desentisizes (sp??) the soldiers...Shroom Man 777 wrote:Hm....give me hints on how to make character development, please. I really have no experience whatsoever in character development.
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"
"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
-
Shroom Man 777
- FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
- Posts: 21222
- Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
- Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
- Contact:
-
Shroom Man 777
- FUCKING DICK-STABBER!
- Posts: 21222
- Joined: 2003-05-11 08:39am
- Location: Bleeding breasts and stabbing dicks since 2003
- Contact:
I'd like to announce that I'm re-making SOTS. I am making a sequel and putting the old one on hold. I feel that the original SOTS couldn't be as good as it could've been and I'm making SOTS 2 bigger, badder and more explosive.
Oh, and SOTS 2 will have a prologue, set in Daron, as the marines finish their jobs.
EDIT:
Here it is, the prologue isn't done yet and neither is this thing. But for now, this is what I've got.
SOLDIERS OF THE SOVEREIGNTY
The Hammer Falls
Reference:
United Sovereignty of Earth: A nation consisting of humans, the capital is in the human home world, Earth. It spans innumerable planets and is an interstellar superpower, perhaps the most powerful nation in existence.
Bears/Bragulans: Humanoid aliens from the planet Bragule, they are shorter than us due to the gravity of their planet. Because of this they are also more muscular than the average human. Their faces resemble that of the earth creatures known as bears.
Bragulan Star Empire: A giant empire consisting of innumerable planets. It is totalitarian in nature and is an interstellar superpower.
Gamma-Sigma: A faction of freedom fighters opposing the BSE regime, they are considered by many as terrorists. They resent other nations as well. The Gamma-Sigma despises Earth.
K-bolter: A weapon which fires a K-bolt. A K-bolt is a railgun round composed of unique material which upon exiting the weapon turns to a greenish plasma-like state which happens to be highly corrosive. B-NETs are heavy anti-material K-bolters akin to machineguns and plasma cannons. K-bolters are the primary weapons of the bears.
Prologue:
Daron, 1 week ago
Finally, we’ve cornered the bears into City Hall. Nickerson’s got the prison and most of the Daronites are free. A few Daronites are stuck in this shit hole and it’s up to us to free them, John thought as he ran into an alleyway, K-bolts just missing his battle suit’s rear by just inches. He jumped into the shabby rat infested alley and leaned against the concrete wall. K-bolts struck the other side and the wall began chipping and fracturing. Not good, he thought. He placed his hand on his chest, just an hour ago an explosion had stopped his heart. Thank God for the heart restarting gizmo installed in the suit. He looked around and saw an enemy soldier with an RPG, just across the street. The rocket was fired and John hugged the ground as the rocket swooshed overhead, leaving a trail of vapor and smoke, exploding at the back of an alley.
“Bitch,” John cussed as he rolled behind a garbage bin. The enemy was quickly loading his launcher. John stood up and fired several plasma bolts from his rifle. All of the bolts tore into the armor of the Gamma-Sigma soldier and burned through flesh and bone, and then leaving brutal exit wounds through the body and armor. He activated his comm. link. “Eric, where are you?”
“I’m left on the tower, the one with the giant water drum thing in the western part of the city. What do you need, boss?” came the answer.
“How the fuck did you end up there? Whatever, the squad is in an alley nearby, I can’t see them but my HUD (heads up display) tells me they’re there. They’re too far for my suit’s X-ray vision, you’re on an elevated position and you can see that they are being pinned down by a truckload of bears. I think they have a B-NET. Can you do anything about it? If I stick my neck out, I could lose a head”
“Negative sir, I have my own problems here.” Gunfire could be heard as well as explosions could’ve been heard through the comm. link.
“Alright, I guess I’ll have to do this myself.” John peeked outside and saw that the truck filled with bears was concentrating its attention on his squad. The alley where his squad was hiding in was being demolished by K-bolts and RPGs. They hadn’t much time. John pumped his rifle’s grenade launcher and his visor’s HUD began scanning the truck. The grenade sailed through the air and punched through the truck’s unarmored side and went into the fuel tank and turned the truck into a blazing inferno, cooking all of its passengers alive. Baylor looked around, there were no more Bragulans. He walked into the alley where the bulk of his squad was hiding in. He stepped over concrete chips and shards and walked over wooden splinters. “Every one of you guys okay?”
“Bouviere lost an arm sir, he won’t be going anywhere,” reported Jedd, his hand pointing to the short man lying on the ground, his armored right arm replaced with a bloody stump covered with bandages.
“The Johnson squad along with a few Rangers should be going through this road in a minute, so Bouviere and Carla, both of you wait for them. Jedd, you guard them. Baylor squad lets get moving, Gamma-Sigma resistance is stiffening, they need all the men they need and-” There was the unmistakable shriek of an incoming artillery round. Everybody ducked as a tiny building just across the street exploded. Concrete, burnt wood and twisted metal was scattered all over the place as the poor building was turned into a smoking crater. Baylor stood up and continued. “That was one of ours, anyway, let’s move!”
And everyone moved, traveling through the streets, using all sorts of objects as cover. They passed by the twisted remains of a Ranger in the middle of the road, it was the standard vehicle of the marines with six melted wheels and a broken automatic grenade launcher. Suddenly an RPG rocketed from a nearby building, five stories high and riddled with bullets. Baylor hid behind the destroyed car, as did his immediate companions. The others scattered, hiding behind some dumpsters or the concrete posts of a building right beside them.
Baylor didn’t need to holler any orders, the squad fired instantaneously, puncturing more holes into the building, making it resemble Swiss cheese. K-bolts erupted from many other windows while another RPG was launched. The rocket propelled grenade sailed through the air and blew up on the husk of the Ranger, but obviously, the Ranger’s armor was still intact as the RPG’s shaped explosive didn’t puncture the metal and tear through Baylor and his troops. Baylor praised the Lord again. He didn’t have a particular faith, but when one faced with such staggering amount of death experience while witnessing so much death, one couldn’t help believing a divine power. John gave himself a mental slap for being distracted by such a thing and continued firing at the building, shooting at the window where the rocket came from as a K-bolt exploded on the Ranger’s charred armor plating just a foot away from Baylor’s concealed face. With his free hand John opened a pouch in his utility belt, aiming to get a grenade when a B-NET poked out of another window and fired on the marines. Baylor ducked behind the car and leaned against its underbelly as the powerful green bolts mauled the Ranger, creating small explosions and a miniature rock concert.
Baylor activated his comm. link. “Fuck, someone get a missile launcher and fuck over those shitheads! Please!” Someone in the squad had to be in possession of an anti-tank THOR (Tube launched Homing Or Radio guided) missile.
“Sir, I have one but I can’t go out and shoot the shits,” replied a soldier, another trooper beside him gave a yelp in pain and surprise, causing squad mates to shout, scream and yell.
“Shit!” Baylor cursed. Then a flying chunk of sizzling metal scratched Baylor’s visor, causing him to curse again. Then more K-rained down on the Ranger, tearing chunks which fell on the soldiers using the destroyed vehicle for cover, causing Baylor to curse once more.
“Fuck this!” John screamed right before an RPG glanced off of the Ranger and struck the ground just meters in front of him, a soldier beside him had shrapnel cut through the weak ankle armoring. Baylor cursed again, this time mentally as he pulled the pin off of his grenade and threw it blindly at the general direction of the building. There was a big explosion…on the opposite sidewalk. “Fuck…never did like baseball.”
Oh, and SOTS 2 will have a prologue, set in Daron, as the marines finish their jobs.
EDIT:
Here it is, the prologue isn't done yet and neither is this thing. But for now, this is what I've got.
SOLDIERS OF THE SOVEREIGNTY
The Hammer Falls
Reference:
United Sovereignty of Earth: A nation consisting of humans, the capital is in the human home world, Earth. It spans innumerable planets and is an interstellar superpower, perhaps the most powerful nation in existence.
Bears/Bragulans: Humanoid aliens from the planet Bragule, they are shorter than us due to the gravity of their planet. Because of this they are also more muscular than the average human. Their faces resemble that of the earth creatures known as bears.
Bragulan Star Empire: A giant empire consisting of innumerable planets. It is totalitarian in nature and is an interstellar superpower.
Gamma-Sigma: A faction of freedom fighters opposing the BSE regime, they are considered by many as terrorists. They resent other nations as well. The Gamma-Sigma despises Earth.
K-bolter: A weapon which fires a K-bolt. A K-bolt is a railgun round composed of unique material which upon exiting the weapon turns to a greenish plasma-like state which happens to be highly corrosive. B-NETs are heavy anti-material K-bolters akin to machineguns and plasma cannons. K-bolters are the primary weapons of the bears.
Prologue:
Daron, 1 week ago
Finally, we’ve cornered the bears into City Hall. Nickerson’s got the prison and most of the Daronites are free. A few Daronites are stuck in this shit hole and it’s up to us to free them, John thought as he ran into an alleyway, K-bolts just missing his battle suit’s rear by just inches. He jumped into the shabby rat infested alley and leaned against the concrete wall. K-bolts struck the other side and the wall began chipping and fracturing. Not good, he thought. He placed his hand on his chest, just an hour ago an explosion had stopped his heart. Thank God for the heart restarting gizmo installed in the suit. He looked around and saw an enemy soldier with an RPG, just across the street. The rocket was fired and John hugged the ground as the rocket swooshed overhead, leaving a trail of vapor and smoke, exploding at the back of an alley.
“Bitch,” John cussed as he rolled behind a garbage bin. The enemy was quickly loading his launcher. John stood up and fired several plasma bolts from his rifle. All of the bolts tore into the armor of the Gamma-Sigma soldier and burned through flesh and bone, and then leaving brutal exit wounds through the body and armor. He activated his comm. link. “Eric, where are you?”
“I’m left on the tower, the one with the giant water drum thing in the western part of the city. What do you need, boss?” came the answer.
“How the fuck did you end up there? Whatever, the squad is in an alley nearby, I can’t see them but my HUD (heads up display) tells me they’re there. They’re too far for my suit’s X-ray vision, you’re on an elevated position and you can see that they are being pinned down by a truckload of bears. I think they have a B-NET. Can you do anything about it? If I stick my neck out, I could lose a head”
“Negative sir, I have my own problems here.” Gunfire could be heard as well as explosions could’ve been heard through the comm. link.
“Alright, I guess I’ll have to do this myself.” John peeked outside and saw that the truck filled with bears was concentrating its attention on his squad. The alley where his squad was hiding in was being demolished by K-bolts and RPGs. They hadn’t much time. John pumped his rifle’s grenade launcher and his visor’s HUD began scanning the truck. The grenade sailed through the air and punched through the truck’s unarmored side and went into the fuel tank and turned the truck into a blazing inferno, cooking all of its passengers alive. Baylor looked around, there were no more Bragulans. He walked into the alley where the bulk of his squad was hiding in. He stepped over concrete chips and shards and walked over wooden splinters. “Every one of you guys okay?”
“Bouviere lost an arm sir, he won’t be going anywhere,” reported Jedd, his hand pointing to the short man lying on the ground, his armored right arm replaced with a bloody stump covered with bandages.
“The Johnson squad along with a few Rangers should be going through this road in a minute, so Bouviere and Carla, both of you wait for them. Jedd, you guard them. Baylor squad lets get moving, Gamma-Sigma resistance is stiffening, they need all the men they need and-” There was the unmistakable shriek of an incoming artillery round. Everybody ducked as a tiny building just across the street exploded. Concrete, burnt wood and twisted metal was scattered all over the place as the poor building was turned into a smoking crater. Baylor stood up and continued. “That was one of ours, anyway, let’s move!”
And everyone moved, traveling through the streets, using all sorts of objects as cover. They passed by the twisted remains of a Ranger in the middle of the road, it was the standard vehicle of the marines with six melted wheels and a broken automatic grenade launcher. Suddenly an RPG rocketed from a nearby building, five stories high and riddled with bullets. Baylor hid behind the destroyed car, as did his immediate companions. The others scattered, hiding behind some dumpsters or the concrete posts of a building right beside them.
Baylor didn’t need to holler any orders, the squad fired instantaneously, puncturing more holes into the building, making it resemble Swiss cheese. K-bolts erupted from many other windows while another RPG was launched. The rocket propelled grenade sailed through the air and blew up on the husk of the Ranger, but obviously, the Ranger’s armor was still intact as the RPG’s shaped explosive didn’t puncture the metal and tear through Baylor and his troops. Baylor praised the Lord again. He didn’t have a particular faith, but when one faced with such staggering amount of death experience while witnessing so much death, one couldn’t help believing a divine power. John gave himself a mental slap for being distracted by such a thing and continued firing at the building, shooting at the window where the rocket came from as a K-bolt exploded on the Ranger’s charred armor plating just a foot away from Baylor’s concealed face. With his free hand John opened a pouch in his utility belt, aiming to get a grenade when a B-NET poked out of another window and fired on the marines. Baylor ducked behind the car and leaned against its underbelly as the powerful green bolts mauled the Ranger, creating small explosions and a miniature rock concert.
Baylor activated his comm. link. “Fuck, someone get a missile launcher and fuck over those shitheads! Please!” Someone in the squad had to be in possession of an anti-tank THOR (Tube launched Homing Or Radio guided) missile.
“Sir, I have one but I can’t go out and shoot the shits,” replied a soldier, another trooper beside him gave a yelp in pain and surprise, causing squad mates to shout, scream and yell.
“Shit!” Baylor cursed. Then a flying chunk of sizzling metal scratched Baylor’s visor, causing him to curse again. Then more K-rained down on the Ranger, tearing chunks which fell on the soldiers using the destroyed vehicle for cover, causing Baylor to curse once more.
“Fuck this!” John screamed right before an RPG glanced off of the Ranger and struck the ground just meters in front of him, a soldier beside him had shrapnel cut through the weak ankle armoring. Baylor cursed again, this time mentally as he pulled the pin off of his grenade and threw it blindly at the general direction of the building. There was a big explosion…on the opposite sidewalk. “Fuck…never did like baseball.”
-
Crazedwraith
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 11948
- Joined: 2003-04-10 03:45pm
- Location: Cheshire, England