GNOME HUNTER!

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-19 07:44pm

JodoForce wrote:Looks like I've been neglecting my duties at GNOMICON... or, looks like nobody told me about this!

Can someone sum up what we're doing now?

Bahahahah,

your character just got killed off.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-21 06:09am

gome hunter 6 part deux, "Good Flavor comes from touching yourself at night, especially if you're different."

Verilon: And we're back, both the challenger and Iron Chef are obtaining their ingredients

Dalton: Looks like they both have their microwaves going

Verilon: Yes and it looks like the challenger has a second microwave going, I see one of his Gnomish assistants adding something to tthe bowl, looks like a pwdery substance.

ESno: VERILON!

Verilon: Go Ahead Einy

ESno: The ingedients in hte challengers second bowl are hot water and EZ Mac Cheese

Verilon: Thank you Einy, EZ Mac cheese interesting addition wouldn't you say?

Stravo: but not the Macaroni noodles right?

Verilon: Right.

Dalton: So sort of a cheesy Ramen then?

Verilon: Yep...(god im glad im not a taster.)

Dalton: Now whats this over here in the Iron Chef's bowl...

Verilon: Hmmm, I can't tell, I don't see any Ramen yet...Looks like a pitcher of beer

Stravo: Now THAT looks delicious.

Verilon: Looks like he's having one of his assistants pur a large bowl full of pretzels also

---------------

Kuja: Cyran you idiot!

Cyran: What'd I do?

Kuja: (Throws Meat Cleaver at Cyran, Cleaver slices hat in two)

Cyran: What?!?! You said put the pretzels in the bowl!

Kuja: Not all of the pretzels! you have to add the chips and the Cheese puffs

Cyran: Forgive me Senpai!

Kuja: (Bashes Cyran in face with meat tenderizer)

--------------

Mith: Okay, we'll need some fruit for the salad.

Rye: Ah! wedon't have any fruit!

Rogue Ice: WHere we going to get the fruit?

(Mith and Rogue Ice stare at Rye)

Rye: Oh no way, screw that, nuh uh...

-------------

Verilon: Looks like both competitors are upset with their assistants,

Dalton: Well it looks like one of the assistants isn't fitting into the fruit slicer, so Mith is going to take a different course with this one.

Stravo: Looks like he's, yes it looks like he has a bowl of ramen which is being topped wih, oh lettuce and corutons.

Dalton: Sort of a Ramen Salad

Verilon: So it looks like the challenger already has two dishes about finished lets go over to the Iron Chef, it doesn't look like he has his Ramen out of the Microwave yet.

Dalton: Tht's a litle odd since were coming up on a fe wminutes o go, but it look slike he is feverishly working on something over there...

------------

Iron Chef Kuja: Lesseee, Beer, Chips.....somethings missing...

Assistant Cyran: Perhaps we shoud cook something? maybe dish up the ramen?

Iron Chef Kuja: Of course! Cyran, bust out that Chef Boyardee

Assistant Cyran: A-Ok chief, gonna warm dat up fer ya!

Iron Chef Kuja: (Jabs Cyran in the eye with a fork) I'll do it you fool!

-----------

Challenger Mith: We'll need a third dish if we're going to have any hopes, suggestions?

Assistant Rye: Hmmm, Melted Cheese Ramen, Salad Ramen, something with meat perhaps?

Assistant Rogue Ice: Of course! I got this beef Jerky!

Challenger Mith: AhahahahHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!

-----------

Verilon: Now the challengger is topping Ramen with beef jerky...

Dalton: Teriyaki jerky.

Verilon: These dishes are absolutely disgusting

Stravo: Appearently none of them got my email aout an edible Kate Mulgrew Shaped Cake

Dalton: You know what? Im glad im not eating this food, because Id have to throw it up!

Stravo: You mean youve never fantasized about an erotic onee way rendezvous encounter aboard the USS Voyager? Culminating in a hot night of romantic passion and...

Dalton: (Punches Stravo in jaw.)

Verilon: Thank you Dalton, but I don't know how Stravo is going to sample tonights dishes with a broken jaw, now it looks like we're coming up to the end of our competition, and with only ffive minutes to go it looks like the Challenger is busy trying to pound out one last dish...

-----------

Mith: Get some butter off of that cow over there.

(Duchess of Zeon fires a burst from AK 47 at the Challenger's side0

Duchess of Zeon: For every pat of butter you take off that cow I take a pound of flesh from your hides.

Mith: New plan, we're going with three dishes.

-----------

Assistant Cyran: uhh sir, what about the...

Iron Chef Kuja: Not now! Im preparing the beer chips and frozen pizzas! They must look perfect!

-----------

Chairman Fanboy: Okay, I'm calling time. Lets get this ridiculous episode over with and get back to the bloodshed...

-----------

Verilon: join us after the break for the awaited taste testing. Special Tasterators include Award winning ArTEEST Durandal, Accomplished Author and Janeway Fetishist Stravo, and rounding out this illustrious group, a member sure to bring down the median level of distinction and honor by a double digit margin, Straha!

Straha: YoUSHOULD HAVE USED SPAM FOR THE THEME INGREDIENT! IT IS SO DELICIOUS!

Verilon: The CHallenger is offering three Ramen based dishes, Cheesy Ramen flavored with EZ Mac pwder, Ramen Salad with various vegetable toppings, and Ramen Jerky Teriyaki superprise with Teriyaki Sauce. The Iron Chef is offering...Beer, snack mix, and frozen pizza.

Kuja: (Standing atop an empty milk crate, beaming with pride at his dishes.)

---------

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-10-21 06:53am

eeeerrrr ..... What?

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-21 07:18am

ROFLMMFQPAO!!! AHAHHA!!!!

Straha: YoUSHOULD HAVE USED SPAM FOR THE THEME INGREDIENT! IT IS SO DELICIOUS!

Oh, god, my sides hurt!!

~ver

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-21 07:56am

verilon wrote:ROFLMMFQPAO!!! AHAHHA!!!!

Straha: YoUSHOULD HAVE USED SPAM FOR THE THEME INGREDIENT! IT IS SO DELICIOUS!
Oh, god, my sides hurt!!

~ver

Originally instead of Gnome hunter I was going to to An Irn Chef style story. Straha was going to be Iron Chef BoTM and use SPam in most of his dishes.

As for Iron Chef HAB, well, lets just say I hope to return to this idea one day in order to work that oot.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-21 11:20am

Darth Fanboy wrote:
---------------

Kuja: Cyran you idiot!

Cyran: What'd I do?

Kuja: (Throws Meat Cleaver at Cyran, Cleaver slices hat in two)

Cyran: What?!?! You said put the pretzels in the bowl!

Kuja: Not all of the pretzels! you have to add the chips and the Cheese puffs

Cyran: Forgive me Senpai!

Kuja: (Bashes Cyran in face with meat tenderizer)

Bwahahahaha.

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2003-10-21 05:22pm

Mith: Okay, we'll need some fruit for the salad.

Rye: Ah! wedon't have any fruit!

Rogue Ice: WHere we going to get the fruit?

(Mith and Rogue Ice stare at Rye)

Rye: Oh no way, screw that, nuh uh...

Hahaha...

This is great Fanboy, but I sense I'm gonna lose. (And I'm Mitth goddamnit! NOTE THE EXTRA "T"!!!!111ONEONE)

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-21 05:40pm

Kuja wrote:
Darth Fanboy wrote:
---------------

Kuja: Cyran you idiot!

Cyran: What'd I do?

Kuja: (Throws Meat Cleaver at Cyran, Cleaver slices hat in two)

Cyran: What?!?! You said put the pretzels in the bowl!

Kuja: Not all of the pretzels! you have to add the chips and the Cheese puffs

Cyran: Forgive me Senpai!

Kuja: (Bashes Cyran in face with meat tenderizer)
Bwahahahaha.

I expect retribution...

Loved that part where they wanted to use Rye in the dishes.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-21 09:56pm

Gnome hunter Six The End of the Trilogy that ends right now ENDING

Verilon: ....and now first the challenger's dishes

DISH #1: Ramen noodles with EZ MAC CHEESE

Durandal: It looks awful, but it tastes better than it looks, im being paid for this right?

Stravo: Youve manage to combine the two most devoured college foods in the entire united States, excellent creativity even though tthe resulting dish tastes like the contents of a Mos Eisley Sewer.

Straha: Ees GOOD! But lacks MEAT! I can recommend a certain spiced meat-like product that could endow this with the power!

DISH #2: Ramen Salad

Durandal: Normally, adding too much lettuce destroys a good meal, but in this case Ramen is a horrible horrible ingredient to begin with, covering it completely with lettuce was an excellent idea.

Stravo: Can I get some ranch dressing?

Straha: Now if we were to add diced cubes of spam, the deliciousness of the spam would add to the beautiful presentation....(rambles before finally shoving a banna down his craw)

DISH #3: Ramen and Beef Jerky

Durandal: PERFECTLY GOOD JERKY! RUINED! Maybe Ic an just pull it off without...mm yeah this is good. Teriyaki, delicious.

Stravo: The Jerky gives it an interesting texture, a different kind of chewy, I would say though in the future to rip the jerky up more so hat I can envelope the jerky bites in delicious Ramen.

(in the booth)

Verilon: How does he eat that shit?

Dalton: Remember this the guy who once said that he wanted to be locked in a room with a latex clad Kate Mulgrew, tortured with an ostrich feather in his more sensitive areas, and then afterwards steal all her cigarettes and sell them to children.

Verilon: Okay I don't believe that last one.

Dalton: he kicks puppies too, and then he sets off microwaves in nursing homes to screw with old people's pacemakers, and one time he walked into a women's counseling center, pulled down his pants, and delcared that the only way to get above the glass cieling was to hitch a ride on the elevator between his legs.

Verilon: He did not, you liar. Well, except the Mulgrew thing.

Dalton: I swear on my beautiful lean Irish Man Image.

Verilon: Okay, hey wait you aren't lean and irish, you said you were a....

Dalton: Punches Verilon in Jaw, steals bag of delicious lifesaver candy.

(back to the floor)

Straha: Spam Spam Spam SPam! Spam Spam Spam Spam!

Assistan Cyran: (Fires a tranquilizer dart into Straha's forehead)

dalton:....And now its time for the Orn Chef's dishes...but he doesn't appear to have any ramen..(eats delicious candy)

DISH #1: Beer, Chips and Frozen Pizza

Iron Chef Kuja: All these dishes must be served at once, I mean, lets be honest here.

Judges: (cant comment because they are busy eating)

(*Time passes, Judging commences, judges take Beer and Pizza with them*)

Assistant Cyran: WooT! They love it! Now what about the ramen?

Iron Chef Kuja: I threw it out.

Assistant Cyran: You what?

Iron Chef Kuja: Watch, This is why i'm the master and you're the idiot.

Assistant Cyran: asshole! (tries to stab Kuja)

Iron Chef Kuja: hah! Character shield! No one dies in this episode!

Assistant Cyran: Shit! how do you know?

Iron Chef Kuja: Well that grenade I shoved up your ass bafore the show didn't finish you off.

Assistant Cyran: I just thought I had gas, dammit.

(Chairman Fanboy Emerges)

fanboy: It was obvious to the Judges, that Iron Chef Kuja's delicous meal far surpassed the flavor and taste of Challenger Mith's dishes.

Iron Chef Kuja: YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! (Black Mage Victory Dance)

Fanboy: however, the goal of this competition, is to best accentuate the Theme Ingredient, which means that The rightful winner of this Competition should be Mith!

Mith: Hail Gnomage!

Gnomes: GNOME! GNOME! GNOME! GNOME!

Fanboy: HOWEVER,

Mith: Shit...

Fanboy: It was discovered that Iron Chef Kuja tossed his Ramen in the trash, and I for one can think of no better way to accentuate that awful ingredient. So I am stripping Mith of the title he rightfully won and I bestow it upon IRON CHEF KUJA!

Mith: THATS NOt FAIR!

Fanboy: you want Fairness? Get your own show. Next time make better food! (drink beer and counts a suspicious stack of hundred dollar bills)

Iron Chef Kuja: WOO HOO!!!!!

Assitant Cyran: You mean you...paid him off?

Iron Chef Kuja: Get this straight, i'm a Black Mage not an ethics professor. If you want me to play fair then you'd better be prepared for dissapointment.

Assistant Cyran: May I embroider that on a throw pillow?

Iron Chef Kuja: ......(stabs Cyran in eye)

Assistant Cyran: Ow! HAh! You can't kill me! Remember?

Iron Chef Kuja: Yeah but the episode is going to end soon, and that bleeding might be uncontrollable.

Assistant Cyran: Oh shit! Fanboy! Gonna need you to extend the episode a little bit, please buddy? just another dozen lines of text or so so I can sprint over to a hospital real quick, thanks.

THE END

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-21 10:01pm

I did not get my retribution...oh well. Good episode. Kuja paying off the judges, very nice. What do you have agaisnt ramen?

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-21 10:02pm

:wtf:

~ver

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-21 10:03pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:I did not get my retribution...oh well. Good episode. Kuja paying off the judges, very nice. What do you have agaisnt ramen?

It's not what *he* has against ramen.. it's what *I* have against ramen.

~ver

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-21 10:04pm

verilon wrote:
Captain_Cyran wrote:I did not get my retribution...oh well. Good episode. Kuja paying off the judges, very nice. What do you have agaisnt ramen?
It's not what *he* has against ramen.. it's what *I* have against ramen.

~ver

I despise the stuff myself, I was broke as hell one week when I had my dorm room back in Iowa and had to eat the stuff for a week cuz I had nothing else. The very thought of it repulses me to this day.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-21 10:06pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:
verilon wrote:
Captain_Cyran wrote:I did not get my retribution...oh well. Good episode. Kuja paying off the judges, very nice. What do you have agaisnt ramen?
It's not what *he* has against ramen.. it's what *I* have against ramen.

~ver
I despise the stuff myself, I was broke as hell one week when I had my dorm room back in Iowa and had to eat the stuff for a week cuz I had nothing else. The very thought of it repulses me to this day.

Three weeks, man. THREE FUCKING WEEKS.. I'm glad I have friends with money...

~ver

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-21 10:09pm

Damn!

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-21 10:11pm

verilon wrote:Three weeks, man. THREE FUCKING WEEKS.. I'm glad I have friends with money...

~ver

Ouch...yeah, a week can get a bit nasty...three though...damn.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-22 12:49am

Heart...seizing...can't...breathe....eyes...watering...

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-22 01:02am

Gnome Hunter Seven: Hearts of Ice

The Portal to the realm of the highguard was in a very remote area of The Canadian northwest. Castle Blackmage was forced to move slowly through the terible stormy conditions being presented.

And it was no surprise to them, that prior to their arrival, they were attacked.

Fanboy: Shit! how many of them!

Nitram: Several Hundred Snow Gnomes! They're all wearing Gnomish Santa suits which grant them immunity to the cold. Fire Magic is our best defense but in these conditions we might not be able to fully control our spells.

Fanboy: And you have NO equipment rated for the Snow?

Cyran: No special weaponry, what does this look like, Echo Base?

Kuja: All we've got is the turrets, but we cant spot the targets and they're too small to hit anyway. We'll have to be prepared to repel invaders. One warrior per each entry unit, we'll set up some turrets and heavy machine guns in fornt of the entryways in addition to the standard internal defenses.

Denryle: We might have one line of outer defense, Fanboy we can man the inner defenses for now You and Zaia should go check your Mustang to see if Typhonis' upgrades include some sort of advantage for us. I know you could kill them all in one on one combat but we need to limit damage to the castle and you're going to have a tough time track down all of those Gnomes in that crazy weather.

Zaia: But whyshould I go?

Denryle: Copiloting, plus it never hurts to have a second pair of hands out there, who knows? Besides you two work well together and in case the castle alls we're going to need one of us to escape back to tell the other usergroups. Plus my magic will be required for the defense, and its MY castle.

Zaia: Fine, fine fine. Girls, listen to the minister, but don't let yourselves get killed.

Innerbrat: Lock N Load ladies...

Jmac: Taking names and kicking ass...

Duchess of Zeon: Vengeance!

Cyran: Me? Oh the gnomes right....(Kuja we gotta get the fuck out of here!)

Kuja: Fan out!....(too late for that now, *gulp*)

*The Garage*

Fanboy: Ah my baby!

Zaia: (hops in) Lets see, fully functioning combat HUD, weapons inventory check: forward machine guns depleted uranium , rear launching harpoons, one forward missle launcher, magazine of six stingers, weapons locker in trnk, various sidearms and rifles, Titanium-Diamond Alloy Armor, hidden heavy machine gun with AP rounds in roof. AH here we gull, Climate Adaptation System.......setting to Low thermal, Computer is calibrating the vehicle to operate in subzero conditions.

Fanboy: Yeah yeah, just get the heater going will you? (Sips coffee) and where the hell are the cup holders?

Zaia: dammit be serious!

Fanboy: Damnit, wheres my Cd player, tell me if we can pick up any radio stations on that communicator thingy.

Zaia: Fanboy, for fuck's sake.

Fanboy: Listen, as I rule, I don't drive without the music.

Zaia: Well tough, unless you can magically make a Cd player appear...

(Fanboy begins to concetrate his energies a distortion occurs inside the vehicle.)

Zaia: What in the hell?

Fanboy: Its nott magic, but it will have to do, I hope I got the right CD though.

Zaia: You mean you just?

Fanboy: I manifested it under the drivers seat, The CD's a pretty good mix I burned awhile ago.

Zaia: ........

*The garage door opens and the Mustang races out at top speeds.*

Fanboy: Speed modifcations, excellent, and the calibration on the tires looks like its working beautifully. So tell me Zaia, you ever been hit on going 120 mph?

Zaia: Har Har, veyr funny, if you can keep it in the high sixties in this weather i'll be impressed. Concentrate on the battle though okay?

Fanboy: whatever you say cupcake.

*Fanboy takes off, "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf blaring at high volume, the Artic calibrated Mustang reaching speeds of over 100mph in no time. Fanboy sets the HUD to infrared, several dozen advancing gnomes can be spotted in the distance, unaware of the Mustang's presence.*

Fanboy: See, the mustangs cowboys used in the wold west had ffour legs, this cowboy prefers wheels. Watch why...

*Fanboy presses the pedal to the floor and flattens the nearest Gnome, a bevy of Gnome parts splatters against the windshield*

Fanboy: Hehehehe, wiper fluid please. hit the defrost too.

*Fanboy continues to tear through the Gnomish advance ala Grand Theft Auto. Zaia meanwhile as activated the Passenger side Targeting computer and has begun operating the car's weaponry.*

Fanboy: How many klicks are we from Mage Castle?

Zaia: Juster under two, we're keeping a pretty good distance, we're handling the north West and Southwest quadrants fairly well but the Gnomes in the east are going to make it to the Castle easily.

Fanboy: And the gnomes are still advancing from this side?

Zaia: Yeah, it loks like a reserve force, still only another hundred or so but its going to be tough.

Fanboy: *changes track on CD player to "Breathe" by Prodigy* Well then it looks like those guys will have to do their jobs after all.

To be Continued

I rushed this oot a bit because it may be awhile before I get a chance again. And I needed some "text format bluddy combat".

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-10-22 01:08am

Kuja wrote:Heart...seizing...can't...breathe....eyes...watering...

My fellow Black Mage is dying! There's only one thing to do!

*goes through Kuja's pockets for change*

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-22 01:14am

SirNitram wrote:My fellow Black Mage is dying! There's only one thing to do!

*goes through Kuja's pockets for change*

Although I completely understand your actions and would no doubt undertake the same in your position, I am now honor-bound to retaliate for this.

*casts Bolt-3 and fries Nitram's hair*

That should cover it.

Denryle: We might have one line of outer defense, Fanboy we can man the inner defenses for now You and Zaia should go check your Mustang

*stalks off muttering things about Mustangs*

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-22 01:26am

Kuja wrote:
SirNitram wrote:My fellow Black Mage is dying! There's only one thing to do!

*goes through Kuja's pockets for change*
Although I completely understand your actions and would no doubt undertake the same in your position, I am now honor-bound to retaliate for this.

*casts Bolt-3 and fries Nitram's hair*

That should cover it.

BMs have hair? o.O?

Anywho... I need to reread this tomorrow.. I am sleep deprived.. blearghhh...........

~ver

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-10-22 01:34am

verilon wrote:
Kuja wrote:
SirNitram wrote:My fellow Black Mage is dying! There's only one thing to do!

*goes through Kuja's pockets for change*
Although I completely understand your actions and would no doubt undertake the same in your position, I am now honor-bound to retaliate for this.

*casts Bolt-3 and fries Nitram's hair*

That should cover it.
BMs have hair? o.O?

Anywho... I need to reread this tomorrow.. I am sleep deprived.. blearghhh...........

~ver

Those of us not reduced to Lovecraftian entities, yes!

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-10-22 04:15am

hee hee "Lock N Load"
I'm a walking cliche, aren't I?

JodoForce · Post by **JodoForce** » 2003-10-22 06:00am

*am defeated by the sheer length of the posts*

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-22 05:31pm

Cyran: Me? Oh the gnomes right....(Kuja we gotta get the fuck out of here!)

Hehehe. Nice by the way Fanboy, can't wait to see the rest.

*walks off with Kuja's wallet, taken while Kuja was busy frying NItram.*