Thy will be done, My Lady. The Lord our Kuja willing of course.Lindar wrote:*pounces the new Guy gleefully* YAY! Make them turn back into proper demons so i can collar the vegetarian one!!!
Zaia's Babysitting Adventure!
Moderator: LadyTevar
Writer's Guild 'Ghost in the Machine'/Decepticon 'Devastator'/BOTM 'Space Ape'/Justice League 'The Tick'
"The best part of 'believe' is the lie."
It's always the quiet ones.
"The best part of 'believe' is the lie."
It's always the quiet ones.
*snuggles the new guy, an amused smile on face* So it's Mark right???*debates adopting him*Mark S wrote:Thy will be done, My Lady. The Lord our Kuja willing of course.Lindar wrote:*pounces the new Guy gleefully* YAY! Make them turn back into proper demons so i can collar the vegetarian one!!!
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
-
Darth Yoshi
- Metroid
- Posts: 7342
- Joined: 2002-07-04 10:00pm
- Location: Seattle
- Contact:
*shoots Lindar with insulin-laden tranq dart*
Damn. Now I'm tempted to grab a Bible and try to summon my own holy warrior.
Damn. Now I'm tempted to grab a Bible and try to summon my own holy warrior.
Lore Monkey | the Pichu-master™
Secularism—since AD 80
Av: Elika; Prince of Persia
*yelps and pulls the dart out and looks at Yoshi bewildered* W-w-w-why did you shoot me???Darth Yoshi wrote:*shoots Lindar with insulin-laden tranq dart*
Damn. Now I'm tempted to grab a Bible and try to summon my own holy warrior.
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
-
Darth Yoshi
- Metroid
- Posts: 7342
- Joined: 2002-07-04 10:00pm
- Location: Seattle
- Contact:
One foolish man's attempt to stop a force of nature...
Lore Monkey | the Pichu-master™
Secularism—since AD 80
Av: Elika; Prince of Persia
-
The Yosemite Bear
- Mostly Harmless Nutcase (Requiescat in Pace)
- Posts: 35211
- Joined: 2002-07-21 02:38am
- Location: Dave's Not Here Man
PART 16: Holy War, Batman!
CYRAN: You summoned MARK, of all people?
CHIBIZILLA: RONK!
MARK: Excuse me. That's Saint Mark to you, kiddo.
CYRAN: Why does everyone call me kid?! I hate you all! I'm gonna go listen to Linkin Park!
*CYRAN exits stage left*
*JERAT and SERAT begin to advance on MARK*
MARK: You two again? Haven't you learned from last time?
*both hiss*
MARK: I guess not. Ah well, that just makes it more interesting. *he briefly turns aside and mutters a short prayer while making the sign of the cross, then assumes a fighting stance*
MARK: BRINGST IT ONETH!
*the two of them leap, but MARK strikes the ground with his sword cross and immediately a blazing white Star of David erupts from the ground. JERAT and SERAT both stop and clutch at their eyes, screaming. MARK suddenly leaps through the symbol, sword raised, but SERAT brings his hands up and ignites a wall of flame that forces MARK back*
JERAT: This time, disciple, the battle belongs to us! MADARIATZA TOREZODU!
*he slams his fist into his palm and a massive ball of fire ignites around him, growing rapidly. Both demons catch fire and burn away, returning to their original Balrog forms in the process. Fiery holes open up in the ground and many more Balrogs crawl out, swords drawn. They surround MARK, who stands calmly in the center (AUTHOR'S NOTE: imagine the Kill Bill theme playing at this point; better yet, play it on your computer)*
JERAT: Now we see who is superior, saint!
ZAIA: *from cover* Ohhhhhh boy.
*MARK slowly turns in place, looking each and every demon in the eye as they close in around him. Then he hefts his sword. All of them draw back a step. He grins*
MARK: That's more like it.
*(AUTHOR'S NOTE TWO: At this point, skip ahead to Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood)*
SERAT: GET HIM!
MARK: DAMNATIO!
*MARK kneels as the Balrogs charge, sword gleaming brightly. About a dozen Balrogs are burned to ashes instantly by the holy light*
JERAT: Fear nothing! He can't keep that up forever!
*yeah, the light's starting to fade already. But as MARK stands, the sword still glows white*
MARK: Come on.
*they attack*
MARK: Pater noster, *he cuts one in half* qui es in Caelis, *he takes another's head off and drives his sword into a midsection* sanctificetur nomen tuum. *he pulls it out and takes the arms off another* Adveniat regnum tuum. *he spins the sword through an infinity loop and takes down four more* Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. *he leaps, lands on one's shoulders, and comes down to split a skull* Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, *he spins and takes the previous one through the spine* et dimitte nobis debita nostra, *he ducks a slash and cuts the attacker's knees off, then takes the head off with the backswing* sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. *he kicks one in the gut hard enough to send it flying back and knocking over two more* Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, *he conjures a holy flame to destroy the dog pile* sed libera nos a malo.
*he strikes a cool heroic pose over the field of demon-chunks*
MARK: Amen.
JERAT: Shee-it.
SERAT: Day-amn.
*they stand there like a pair of morons*
MARK: You know what happens next, right?
BOTH: Uh huh.
MARK: Well then, no point waiting.
*he raises a hand and a cross appears behind him, throwing his shadow over the twins*
MARK: HOSTIS! ABI IN MALUM REM!
*a hole opens up beneath them and they drop in. A wind from the opening begins to pull in all the demon corpses after them*
JERAT: Shit! We forgot the hot wings!
*all the demons get pulled into the hole and it closes*
MARK: And so it ends.
*he solemnly makes the sign of the cross as everyone rises from their hiding spots*
ZAIA: MARK! THAT KICKED ASS!
*she runs over and gives MARK a big hug and kiss*
LINDAR: Yayyyyy!
BRAINCHILD: Well done, well done indeed!
*ALETIA goes over to CHIBIZILLA and they exchange a look that says all they need (so what if it's cliché, fuck you all!)*
ZAIA: You know...if I'd had to choose one person I knew as a saint in disguise-
MARK: Don't go there.
ZAIA: Want to come in for a drink?
MARK: Well... *he reaches into his robes and pulls out a funky-ass looking gold hourglass with a lot of colorful sand that keeps on turning over and over* ...certainly. I've got a few to spare.
*they walk up to the house and open the door*
MUSIC: I'VE, BECOME SO NUMB I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE! BECOME SO TIRED, SO MUCH MORE AWARE!
ZAIA: CYRAN, TURN THAT DOWN!
CYRAN: NOBODY KNOWS HOW I FEEL!
ZAIA: DO IT NOW!
MUSIC: I'M, BECOMING THIS, ALL I WANT TO IS BE MORE LIKE ME, AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!
MARK: SHOULD I HANDLE THIS?!
ZAIA: CYRAN, YOU HAVE EXACTLY ONE SECOND BEFORE I GO TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE ON YOUR HINEY!
*music cuts*
ZAIA: Thank you.
CYRAN: You can all go die.
CYRAN: You summoned MARK, of all people?
CHIBIZILLA: RONK!
MARK: Excuse me. That's Saint Mark to you, kiddo.
CYRAN: Why does everyone call me kid?! I hate you all! I'm gonna go listen to Linkin Park!
*CYRAN exits stage left*
*JERAT and SERAT begin to advance on MARK*
MARK: You two again? Haven't you learned from last time?
*both hiss*
MARK: I guess not. Ah well, that just makes it more interesting. *he briefly turns aside and mutters a short prayer while making the sign of the cross, then assumes a fighting stance*
MARK: BRINGST IT ONETH!
*the two of them leap, but MARK strikes the ground with his sword cross and immediately a blazing white Star of David erupts from the ground. JERAT and SERAT both stop and clutch at their eyes, screaming. MARK suddenly leaps through the symbol, sword raised, but SERAT brings his hands up and ignites a wall of flame that forces MARK back*
JERAT: This time, disciple, the battle belongs to us! MADARIATZA TOREZODU!
*he slams his fist into his palm and a massive ball of fire ignites around him, growing rapidly. Both demons catch fire and burn away, returning to their original Balrog forms in the process. Fiery holes open up in the ground and many more Balrogs crawl out, swords drawn. They surround MARK, who stands calmly in the center (AUTHOR'S NOTE: imagine the Kill Bill theme playing at this point; better yet, play it on your computer)*
JERAT: Now we see who is superior, saint!
ZAIA: *from cover* Ohhhhhh boy.
*MARK slowly turns in place, looking each and every demon in the eye as they close in around him. Then he hefts his sword. All of them draw back a step. He grins*
MARK: That's more like it.
*(AUTHOR'S NOTE TWO: At this point, skip ahead to Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood)*
SERAT: GET HIM!
MARK: DAMNATIO!
*MARK kneels as the Balrogs charge, sword gleaming brightly. About a dozen Balrogs are burned to ashes instantly by the holy light*
JERAT: Fear nothing! He can't keep that up forever!
*yeah, the light's starting to fade already. But as MARK stands, the sword still glows white*
MARK: Come on.
*they attack*
MARK: Pater noster, *he cuts one in half* qui es in Caelis, *he takes another's head off and drives his sword into a midsection* sanctificetur nomen tuum. *he pulls it out and takes the arms off another* Adveniat regnum tuum. *he spins the sword through an infinity loop and takes down four more* Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. *he leaps, lands on one's shoulders, and comes down to split a skull* Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, *he spins and takes the previous one through the spine* et dimitte nobis debita nostra, *he ducks a slash and cuts the attacker's knees off, then takes the head off with the backswing* sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. *he kicks one in the gut hard enough to send it flying back and knocking over two more* Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, *he conjures a holy flame to destroy the dog pile* sed libera nos a malo.
*he strikes a cool heroic pose over the field of demon-chunks*
MARK: Amen.
JERAT: Shee-it.
SERAT: Day-amn.
*they stand there like a pair of morons*
MARK: You know what happens next, right?
BOTH: Uh huh.
MARK: Well then, no point waiting.
*he raises a hand and a cross appears behind him, throwing his shadow over the twins*
MARK: HOSTIS! ABI IN MALUM REM!
*a hole opens up beneath them and they drop in. A wind from the opening begins to pull in all the demon corpses after them*
JERAT: Shit! We forgot the hot wings!
*all the demons get pulled into the hole and it closes*
MARK: And so it ends.
*he solemnly makes the sign of the cross as everyone rises from their hiding spots*
ZAIA: MARK! THAT KICKED ASS!
*she runs over and gives MARK a big hug and kiss*
LINDAR: Yayyyyy!
BRAINCHILD: Well done, well done indeed!
*ALETIA goes over to CHIBIZILLA and they exchange a look that says all they need (so what if it's cliché, fuck you all!)*
ZAIA: You know...if I'd had to choose one person I knew as a saint in disguise-
MARK: Don't go there.
ZAIA: Want to come in for a drink?
MARK: Well... *he reaches into his robes and pulls out a funky-ass looking gold hourglass with a lot of colorful sand that keeps on turning over and over* ...certainly. I've got a few to spare.
*they walk up to the house and open the door*
MUSIC: I'VE, BECOME SO NUMB I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE! BECOME SO TIRED, SO MUCH MORE AWARE!
ZAIA: CYRAN, TURN THAT DOWN!
CYRAN: NOBODY KNOWS HOW I FEEL!
ZAIA: DO IT NOW!
MUSIC: I'M, BECOMING THIS, ALL I WANT TO IS BE MORE LIKE ME, AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!
MARK: SHOULD I HANDLE THIS?!
ZAIA: CYRAN, YOU HAVE EXACTLY ONE SECOND BEFORE I GO TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE ON YOUR HINEY!
*music cuts*
ZAIA: Thank you.
CYRAN: You can all go die.
JADAFETWA
-
Captain Cyran
- Psycho Mini-lop
- Posts: 7037
- Joined: 2002-07-05 11:00pm
- Location: College... w00t?
*snuggles up to Mark* YAY! BUt i still don't have a vegetarion demon for a pet...*pouts*
Very Nice Pup.
Very Nice Pup.
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
Oooh, Mark, I invited you in for a drink. You know what that means. 
AND WHEN THE HELL DOES EVERYONE FINALLY GET PICKED UP FROM MY GODDAMN HOUSE SO I CAN GO BACK TO LIVING A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN?
AND WHEN THE HELL DOES EVERYONE FINALLY GET PICKED UP FROM MY GODDAMN HOUSE SO I CAN GO BACK TO LIVING A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN?
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
OOOH!*sulks Jealously* It means he's toooo auld for me....Zaia wrote:Oooh, Mark, I invited you in for a drink. You know what that means.
NEVER!*gleefully sets up camp once again in the living room* We're living with you foreverAND WHEN THE HELL DOES EVERYONE FINALLY GET PICKED UP FROM MY GODDAMN HOUSE SO I CAN GO BACK TO LIVING A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN?
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
I might be wrong, but I think Mark is married anyway.Lindar wrote:OOOH!*sulks Jealously* It means he's toooo auld for me....
!NEVER!*gleefully sets up camp once again in the living room* We're living with you forever
Well...maybe you can stay...maybe.....
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
So??? I can still keep him as a pet!Zaia wrote:I might be wrong, but I think Mark is married anyway.Lindar wrote:OOOH!*sulks Jealously* It means he's toooo auld for me....
You mean you'll keep me? Why not everyone else? I meqan two is fine, but company is always fun!!!NEVER!*gleefully sets up camp once again in the living room* We're living with you forever
Well...maybe you can stay...maybe.....
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
And that... is how you do that.Kuja wrote:snip ass-kickery
You know that vanquishing demons creates a powerful thirst? That even as a Saint I've never been able to get that water to wine thing to work?Zaia wrote:Oooh, Mark, I invited you in for a drink. You know what that means.
And yes Ladies, there is a Mrs. S
(with a little one on the way incase you missed the thread)Writer's Guild 'Ghost in the Machine'/Decepticon 'Devastator'/BOTM 'Space Ape'/Justice League 'The Tick'
"The best part of 'believe' is the lie."
It's always the quiet ones.
"The best part of 'believe' is the lie."
It's always the quiet ones.
*hugs tightly* I don't remember reading that! Congratulations!Mark S wrote:And yes Ladies, there is a Mrs. S
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
-
Anomie
- Padawan Learner
- Posts: 360
- Joined: 2005-07-03 05:55pm
- Location: Between the begining of time and the end of the universe
Congratulations man!Mark S wrote:(with a little one on the way incase you missed the thread)
Just wait until your kid hits puberty, then like all parents you'll really become a saint, raising a hellion.
You shall be the instrument of my vengence. Through you I shall scream out my wrath unto the heavens.
"Explosions fix everything" - Nabeshin - Excel Saga
"When you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss comments on how you have no social life."
"We jumped the shark AND took its wallet" My friend commenting upon our groups dinner conversation.
CoVD:We are all but a part of a dream that Vin Diesel is having.
Church of Perverts: As the Lord commands, so shall we do. And do. And do.
"Explosions fix everything" - Nabeshin - Excel Saga
"When you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss comments on how you have no social life."
"We jumped the shark AND took its wallet" My friend commenting upon our groups dinner conversation.
CoVD:We are all but a part of a dream that Vin Diesel is having.
Church of Perverts: As the Lord commands, so shall we do. And do. And do.
PART 17: The Much-anticipated Ace Pace Cameo!
ZAIA: So, what do you want? I've got coffee.
MARK: I'll pass. Coffee is the Devil's work.
NANAHI: That's a lie of Heaven and you darn well know it!
*GRATUITOUS RETCON: MARINA is now holding a latte when she drops NANAHI off*
MARK: It is not!
NANAHI: Is too!
*bell rings*
CYRAN: *mutters* Five on the snakegirl.
CHIBIZILLA: Rork.
ZAIA: Uh, I think I'll get that.
*she leaves everyone in the kitchen and goes to the front door, opening it*
ACE PACE: Hello, Zaia.
ZAIA: Ace! Uh, hi. What's up? Why are you...uh...
*pan down to reveal ACE is wearing a large diaper, holding a rattle, and trailing a large crib*
ACE: Long story. Can you-
ZAIA: Story. Now.
ACE: IgotbeatenonbyabunchofstormtroopersandnowI'maninfantalist! HAPPY NOW?!
ZAIA: Put spaces between your words or this door closes.
ACE: *sigh* The last time I was in New York City, I happened to bump into LT. Hit-Man.
ZAIA: Oh boy.
ACE: And for no goddamn reason at all, him and his stormtrooper posse decided to beat the living crap out of me!
*NOTE: for you poor bastards who didn't read that chapter of Groove, or are just so pathetic in your lives that you don't know about How Stravo Got His Groove Back, at the time of the incident ACE was wearing a back sign saying 'Turbolasers are lasers' planted there by CYRAN*
ACE: Well, my fragile little mind couldn't handle that kind of humiliation, so I dealt with it by becoming an infantilist.
ZAIA: A what?
ACE: A GUY WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE WHO NEEDS TO ACT LIKE A BABY OKAY?! DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?!
ZAIA: I'd say you just did.
*a snicker*
ZAIA: Alright, who's watching?
*the curtain on the nearest window parts to reveal everyone else watching the meeting*
ZAIA: Oh, for... *a sigh* Look, what do you want?
ACE: Just a little favor.
ZAIA: I am NOT babysitting you!
ACE: That's not it.
ZAIA: What is it then?
ACE: Can you change my diaper?
*he pulls at the hem of the garment and a plume of brown gas erupts from it*
ZAIA: UGH! SHOTGUN!
*somebody hands her a saw-off stock first and she uses it to wallop ACE into high orbit. She then slams the door and sighs in relief*
ZAIA: What a FREAK!
*everyone cheers*
ZAIA: So, Mark, about that drink.
MARK: Well, even a saint is allowed to indulge once in a while. I think I'll take you up on that coffee.
NANAHI: I still say Heaven did it.
CYRAN: Wow, what a feel-good ending to a really nasty situation!
*CUT TO: Rome. As in Rome, Italy. You can see the Coliseum from here. The camera zooms in on an old-looking building and moves in through an open window into a very well-appointed hotel room. The camera closes in on a closed door, which self-opens to reveal a steam filled bathroom. KUJA appears wearing a towel around his waist and smiling broadly*
KUJA: Hey folks. Think of this chapter as a little lesson. Now you know what happens to folks who REQUEST to be in my stories instead of waiting for me to GRANT them an appearance.
*he grabs the camera and pulls it up to his face, briefly shifting into his werewolf form to display a very large set of fangs*
KUJA: GOT THAT?!
*camera moves back out into the Roman sky as KUJA laughs maniacally*
BONUS MINI-CHAPTER: The Exchange
*fade in on a dark and stormy night in Rome. KUJA, still in his werewolf hybrid form, stands in the middle of the Coliseum as a red-haired woman carrying a large bag walks out to meet him*
MARINA: You have something to say to me?
KUJA: I put Nanahi in. I used your Browning idea. I humiliated Ace Pace AND I gave you your gratuitous latte retcon.
MARINA: *smiling* Yes?
*KUJA holds out a hand*
KUJA: The package. Now.
MARINA: As you wish. *she lets go of the bag and backs away as KUJA comes forward to claim it.
KUJA: Untouched, I trust.
MARINA: You may notice a few...minor alterations. But overall, yes.
*he leans over and carefully picks it up before looking inside*
KUJA: I've been looking for this for years.
MARINA: Enjoy your childhood, Kuja.
*she turns and begins to walk away. The camera pulls back, passing over the lip of the Coliseum*
KUJA: (vo) Hey, my childhood didn't have any sawblade-wielding sorority wombats!
MARINA: (vo laugh) Whoops!
KUJA: (vo) GET BACK HERE YOU TWO-TIMER!
*fade out*
ZAIA: So, what do you want? I've got coffee.
MARK: I'll pass. Coffee is the Devil's work.
NANAHI: That's a lie of Heaven and you darn well know it!
*GRATUITOUS RETCON: MARINA is now holding a latte when she drops NANAHI off*
MARK: It is not!
NANAHI: Is too!
*bell rings*
CYRAN: *mutters* Five on the snakegirl.
CHIBIZILLA: Rork.
ZAIA: Uh, I think I'll get that.
*she leaves everyone in the kitchen and goes to the front door, opening it*
ACE PACE: Hello, Zaia.
ZAIA: Ace! Uh, hi. What's up? Why are you...uh...
*pan down to reveal ACE is wearing a large diaper, holding a rattle, and trailing a large crib*
ACE: Long story. Can you-
ZAIA: Story. Now.
ACE: IgotbeatenonbyabunchofstormtroopersandnowI'maninfantalist! HAPPY NOW?!
ZAIA: Put spaces between your words or this door closes.
ACE: *sigh* The last time I was in New York City, I happened to bump into LT. Hit-Man.
ZAIA: Oh boy.
ACE: And for no goddamn reason at all, him and his stormtrooper posse decided to beat the living crap out of me!
*NOTE: for you poor bastards who didn't read that chapter of Groove, or are just so pathetic in your lives that you don't know about How Stravo Got His Groove Back, at the time of the incident ACE was wearing a back sign saying 'Turbolasers are lasers' planted there by CYRAN*
ACE: Well, my fragile little mind couldn't handle that kind of humiliation, so I dealt with it by becoming an infantilist.
ZAIA: A what?
ACE: A GUY WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE WHO NEEDS TO ACT LIKE A BABY OKAY?! DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?!
ZAIA: I'd say you just did.
*a snicker*
ZAIA: Alright, who's watching?
*the curtain on the nearest window parts to reveal everyone else watching the meeting*
ZAIA: Oh, for... *a sigh* Look, what do you want?
ACE: Just a little favor.
ZAIA: I am NOT babysitting you!
ACE: That's not it.
ZAIA: What is it then?
ACE: Can you change my diaper?
*he pulls at the hem of the garment and a plume of brown gas erupts from it*
ZAIA: UGH! SHOTGUN!
*somebody hands her a saw-off stock first and she uses it to wallop ACE into high orbit. She then slams the door and sighs in relief*
ZAIA: What a FREAK!
*everyone cheers*
ZAIA: So, Mark, about that drink.
MARK: Well, even a saint is allowed to indulge once in a while. I think I'll take you up on that coffee.
NANAHI: I still say Heaven did it.
CYRAN: Wow, what a feel-good ending to a really nasty situation!
*CUT TO: Rome. As in Rome, Italy. You can see the Coliseum from here. The camera zooms in on an old-looking building and moves in through an open window into a very well-appointed hotel room. The camera closes in on a closed door, which self-opens to reveal a steam filled bathroom. KUJA appears wearing a towel around his waist and smiling broadly*
KUJA: Hey folks. Think of this chapter as a little lesson. Now you know what happens to folks who REQUEST to be in my stories instead of waiting for me to GRANT them an appearance.
*he grabs the camera and pulls it up to his face, briefly shifting into his werewolf form to display a very large set of fangs*
KUJA: GOT THAT?!
*camera moves back out into the Roman sky as KUJA laughs maniacally*
BONUS MINI-CHAPTER: The Exchange
*fade in on a dark and stormy night in Rome. KUJA, still in his werewolf hybrid form, stands in the middle of the Coliseum as a red-haired woman carrying a large bag walks out to meet him*
MARINA: You have something to say to me?
KUJA: I put Nanahi in. I used your Browning idea. I humiliated Ace Pace AND I gave you your gratuitous latte retcon.
MARINA: *smiling* Yes?
*KUJA holds out a hand*
KUJA: The package. Now.
MARINA: As you wish. *she lets go of the bag and backs away as KUJA comes forward to claim it.
KUJA: Untouched, I trust.
MARINA: You may notice a few...minor alterations. But overall, yes.
*he leans over and carefully picks it up before looking inside*
KUJA: I've been looking for this for years.
MARINA: Enjoy your childhood, Kuja.
*she turns and begins to walk away. The camera pulls back, passing over the lip of the Coliseum*
KUJA: (vo) Hey, my childhood didn't have any sawblade-wielding sorority wombats!
MARINA: (vo laugh) Whoops!
KUJA: (vo) GET BACK HERE YOU TWO-TIMER!
*fade out*
JADAFETWA
You basterd -
Ace Pace
- Hardware Lover
- Posts: 8456
- Joined: 2002-07-07 03:04am
- Location: Wasting time instead of money
- Contact:
I admit, I laughed, I knew I deserved it, but that dosn't stop me hoping now to fall down the sky(gravity sucks dosn't it?) and hit something very expensive and penetrate it due to blunt kinetic force
Kuja, you hear me? Your funny as hell, keep writing! You can kill someone in a fic and he still loves it.
Kuja, you hear me? Your funny as hell, keep writing! You can kill someone in a fic and he still loves it.
Brotherhood of the Bear | HAB | Mess | SDnet archivist |
PART 18: OMFG M4D N1NJ4 SK1LLZ!
MARK: Good coffee.
NANAHI: *muttering* How's it feel to damn yourself?
*MARK slams the flat of his sword down on the table*
MARK: YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME?!
NANAHI: Holy crap! How good is your hearing?
MARK: *glaring* It's pretty good.
*CYRAN walks up and places his front legs on the table edge*
ZAIA: Hey.
*he sighs and pulls them back down again*
CYRAN: Hey Mark, since you're a saint and Nanahi is…some kind of demon, shouldn't the two of you be fighting?
*long pause as MARK and NANAHI look at each other uncomfortably*
MARK: Yeah...
NANAHI: I guess...
*they spring away*
MARK: But I don't fight kids!
NANAHI: And I'm too important for that barbarianism!
MARK: Hey, fighting does not automatically equate to barbarianism!
NANAHI: Prove me wrong.
NARK: Ninjas.
*everyone in the room immediately drops to the ground and takes cover. Nothing happens. MARK rolls his eyes*
MARK: They don't show up EVERY time you say the word. Stop acting like a bunch of cowards.
*everyone cautiously rises to their feet*
MARK: Now then. Ninjas. Ninjas started as a class of 14th century Japanese who were trained in martial arts and were hired for espionage and assassinations. They trained using the martial arts of ninjitsu and focused on stealth and delicacy to the extreme. No caveman – or barbarian, if you will – could ever match a ninja in skill or deadliness.
NANAHI: But still.
CYRAN: Ever dealt with them?
MARK: Are you kidding? All the time.
*everyone goggles at MARK*
MARK: But don't worry, not even ninjas can beat a saint!
*he hefts his sword and strikes a cool pose, then his eyes suddenly bug out*
MARK: GET DOWN!
*he grabs a coffee cup saucer and flings it through the door into the living room to strike a curtain near the window. There's an 'urk' noise, and a man's body dressed entirely in black falls out from behind it*
ZAIA: THEY'RE IN MY HOUSE!
MARK: STAY DOWN!
*he suddenly reaches up and catches a dart that was heading for his neck*
MARK: There you are.
*he stabs at what seems like an empty stretch of wall. There's another 'urk' noise, and when MARK pulls away a man with his front side painted the same color as the wall falls to the ground. MARK stalks out into the living room and, reacting to nothing, swings his sword up and deflects a shuriken that flies up into the ceiling and drops another ninja to the floor. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: there was more of this planned, but I'm typing this in between classes and running short on time. Suffice to say MARK goes through the house killing about fifty or so ninjas in various really awesome ways)*
MARK: How many times must I defeat you men?
NINJA: As many times as it takes to defeat you...and regain our honor...
MARK: For fuck's sake, it was a paperwork foul-up! Even Baal admitted it!
NINJA: Nonetheless...we will...continue...
*he expires. MARK rubs his forehead*
MARK: *muttering* I am not getting paid nearly enough for this…
ZAIA: Is it safe yet?
*there is a shimmering behind her*
MARK: ZAIA, LOOK OUT!
*one more NINJA appears out of thin air and holds his sword to ZAIA'S throat*
ZAIA: Ulp.
MARK: *muttering again* One more. There's ALWAYS fucking one more.
NINJA: Release your weapon or the woman dies!
MARK: I...
*BRAINCHILD suddenly drops from the ceiling, a black mask around the top of his eyestalk and various barbed implements in his tentacles*
BRANCHILD: PH34R |\/|Y L33T4$$ |\|1|\|j4 $K!LLZ, B!TC|-|!
*he drops onto the NINJA, who forgets about ZAIA and drops his sword as he screams in pain. Camera follows ZAIA as she runs to MARK'S side, sorta like in the old Star Trek days with Kirk and the lady of the week, as the NINJA keeps screaming. Finally, all that's left is a bag of meat in a ninja outfit*
BRANCHILD: All without breaking a sweat. Those Tae-Bo tapes really do work miracles!
ZAIA: And now my house is full of corpses.
MARK: Well, I'll help clean-
*a glowing circle suddenly appears around MARK*
MARK: Oh crap, I'm being summoned! Bye!
*he vanishes. ZAIA faces her ninja-filled house*
ZAIA: OK kids, time to play a game! Whoever gets the most ninjas stacked out in the backyard while I find a bulldozer to rent gets to pick what movie we watch tonight!
KIDS: YAAAAY!
MARK: Good coffee.
NANAHI: *muttering* How's it feel to damn yourself?
*MARK slams the flat of his sword down on the table*
MARK: YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME?!
NANAHI: Holy crap! How good is your hearing?
MARK: *glaring* It's pretty good.
*CYRAN walks up and places his front legs on the table edge*
ZAIA: Hey.
*he sighs and pulls them back down again*
CYRAN: Hey Mark, since you're a saint and Nanahi is…some kind of demon, shouldn't the two of you be fighting?
*long pause as MARK and NANAHI look at each other uncomfortably*
MARK: Yeah...
NANAHI: I guess...
*they spring away*
MARK: But I don't fight kids!
NANAHI: And I'm too important for that barbarianism!
MARK: Hey, fighting does not automatically equate to barbarianism!
NANAHI: Prove me wrong.
NARK: Ninjas.
*everyone in the room immediately drops to the ground and takes cover. Nothing happens. MARK rolls his eyes*
MARK: They don't show up EVERY time you say the word. Stop acting like a bunch of cowards.
*everyone cautiously rises to their feet*
MARK: Now then. Ninjas. Ninjas started as a class of 14th century Japanese who were trained in martial arts and were hired for espionage and assassinations. They trained using the martial arts of ninjitsu and focused on stealth and delicacy to the extreme. No caveman – or barbarian, if you will – could ever match a ninja in skill or deadliness.
NANAHI: But still.
CYRAN: Ever dealt with them?
MARK: Are you kidding? All the time.
*everyone goggles at MARK*
MARK: But don't worry, not even ninjas can beat a saint!
*he hefts his sword and strikes a cool pose, then his eyes suddenly bug out*
MARK: GET DOWN!
*he grabs a coffee cup saucer and flings it through the door into the living room to strike a curtain near the window. There's an 'urk' noise, and a man's body dressed entirely in black falls out from behind it*
ZAIA: THEY'RE IN MY HOUSE!
MARK: STAY DOWN!
*he suddenly reaches up and catches a dart that was heading for his neck*
MARK: There you are.
*he stabs at what seems like an empty stretch of wall. There's another 'urk' noise, and when MARK pulls away a man with his front side painted the same color as the wall falls to the ground. MARK stalks out into the living room and, reacting to nothing, swings his sword up and deflects a shuriken that flies up into the ceiling and drops another ninja to the floor. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: there was more of this planned, but I'm typing this in between classes and running short on time. Suffice to say MARK goes through the house killing about fifty or so ninjas in various really awesome ways)*
MARK: How many times must I defeat you men?
NINJA: As many times as it takes to defeat you...and regain our honor...
MARK: For fuck's sake, it was a paperwork foul-up! Even Baal admitted it!
NINJA: Nonetheless...we will...continue...
*he expires. MARK rubs his forehead*
MARK: *muttering* I am not getting paid nearly enough for this…
ZAIA: Is it safe yet?
*there is a shimmering behind her*
MARK: ZAIA, LOOK OUT!
*one more NINJA appears out of thin air and holds his sword to ZAIA'S throat*
ZAIA: Ulp.
MARK: *muttering again* One more. There's ALWAYS fucking one more.
NINJA: Release your weapon or the woman dies!
MARK: I...
*BRAINCHILD suddenly drops from the ceiling, a black mask around the top of his eyestalk and various barbed implements in his tentacles*
BRANCHILD: PH34R |\/|Y L33T4$$ |\|1|\|j4 $K!LLZ, B!TC|-|!
*he drops onto the NINJA, who forgets about ZAIA and drops his sword as he screams in pain. Camera follows ZAIA as she runs to MARK'S side, sorta like in the old Star Trek days with Kirk and the lady of the week, as the NINJA keeps screaming. Finally, all that's left is a bag of meat in a ninja outfit*
BRANCHILD: All without breaking a sweat. Those Tae-Bo tapes really do work miracles!
ZAIA: And now my house is full of corpses.
MARK: Well, I'll help clean-
*a glowing circle suddenly appears around MARK*
MARK: Oh crap, I'm being summoned! Bye!
*he vanishes. ZAIA faces her ninja-filled house*
ZAIA: OK kids, time to play a game! Whoever gets the most ninjas stacked out in the backyard while I find a bulldozer to rent gets to pick what movie we watch tonight!
KIDS: YAAAAY!
JADAFETWA
*squeals happily* OH! Now that's what i call an incentive!*applauds* HURRAH ! we can have ninja-stew!!
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
I keep seeing the image in my head of me sitting on the toilet, reading the paper, and getting summoned away by someone. Come on, people! Can't a Saint have five minutes?!
Writer's Guild 'Ghost in the Machine'/Decepticon 'Devastator'/BOTM 'Space Ape'/Justice League 'The Tick'
"The best part of 'believe' is the lie."
It's always the quiet ones.
"The best part of 'believe' is the lie."
It's always the quiet ones.