Armageddon???? - Part Eighty One Up

[aerius]

Originally, yes. A third of the heavenly host fell with Lucifer. But, as we've seen, demons can reproduce. Angels can't.

I'd question that assumption, afterall, angels are also pot smoking hippies so I'm pretty sure they're fornicating like bunnies and making lots of little angels. Unless they're all doing anal.

[Darth Wong]

Originally, yes. A third of the heavenly host fell with Lucifer. But, as we've seen, demons can reproduce. Angels can't.

I'd question that assumption, afterall, angels are also pot smoking hippies so I'm pretty sure they're fornicating like bunnies and making lots of little angels. Unless they're all doing anal.

Think about it: God doesn't like women in general, and in the Book of Revelation we hear that only men who have not "defiled themselves with women" are taken up. All of the named angels are males. All of Jesus' disciples were males.

With that in mind, I think there's a pretty obvious reason why the angels aren't reproducing in Heaven.

[Zor]

I think the implication is that Yahweh has a weather dominator, yes.

If that is the case, Yahweh has at his disposal what is effectively a massively devistating superweapon. Envision New York, London, Tokyo, St Peter'sburg and other such coastal Cities being hit by Hurricane after Hurricane or Rainfall over the world's breadbaskets being halted.

Zor

[Darth Wong]

What's this about a weather machine? Couldn't the Flood have simply been another application of portal technology? Just open a portal in a lake, and drown a large area on Earth.

[aerius]

Think about it: God doesn't like women in general, and in the Book of Revelation we hear that only men who have not "defiled themselves with women" are taken up. All of the named angels are males. All of Jesus' disciples were males.

With that in mind, I think there's a pretty obvious reason why the angels aren't reproducing in Heaven.

You mean those Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercials on TV are lying to me?

[CaptainChewbacca]

What's this about a weather machine? Couldn't the Flood have simply been another application of portal technology? Just open a portal in a lake, and drown a large area on Earth.

They're referring to the part in the most recent chapter where Michael-Ian laments Yaweh diverting Katrina into New Orleans.

[Mayabird]

But, as we've seen, demons can reproduce. Angels can't.

That's what mythology states, but I think we can seriously question that, I suspect it comes from the image of angels et al being pristine and spotless being untouched by original sin. They don't do sex so they don't reproduce. However, we know that demons are basically "fallen angels" so the two are physiologically identical. Therefore angels must be able to reproduce if demons can.

So, the working hypothesis is that angels do reproduce.

Idea: what if they are capable of reproducing, but aren't allowed to because Yahweh has something against it or against women or something? It might even have been one of the reasons for the rebellion in the first place - once they found somewhere else to live, the angels who wanted to have children rebelled since now they had a chance to do it.

[Darth Wong]

What's this about a weather machine? Couldn't the Flood have simply been another application of portal technology? Just open a portal in a lake, and drown a large area on Earth.

They're referring to the part in the most recent chapter where Michael-Ian laments Yaweh diverting Katrina into New Orleans.

Whatever effect he had on it must have been small; it's not as if anyone noticed any bizarre and unexplainable shift in its movement.

PS. I went ahead and added chapter numbers to the Completed version, so that people can tell more easily which chapter they're reading. Hopefully Stuart doesn't mind, although I can't imagine why he would be upset.

PPS. I loved the part about how most lawyers already work for Satan

[Junghalli]

Think about it: God doesn't like women in general, and in the Book of Revelation we hear that only men who have not "defiled themselves with women" are taken up. All of the named angels are males. All of Jesus' disciples were males.

With that in mind, I think there's a pretty obvious reason why the angels aren't reproducing in Heaven.

How would a species get like that though? They couldn't have evolved that way. Yahweh killed off all the females?

[Firethorn]

How would a species get like that though? They couldn't have evolved that way. Yahweh killed off all the females?

Or exiled them, or claimed them all for himself upon pain of death then developed erectile dysfunction.

[Adrian Laguna]

If you add Yahweh's hate of women to his hate of homosexuals, you can't help but conclude that everyone in Heaven suffers from perpetual blue balls. No wonder the Angels do drugs.

[Guardsman Bass]

Unless angels (and presumably whatever type of being Yahweh happens to be) can have at least an infertile child with a human woman, how would Yahweh have a son (Jesus) without there being at least a few angelic females? The former wouldn't surprise me (that he'd be breaking his own rules), if possible.

[Darth Wong]

Unless angels (and presumably whatever type of being Yahweh happens to be) can have at least an infertile child with a human woman, how would Yahweh have a son (Jesus) without there being at least a few angelic females? The former wouldn't surprise me (that he'd be breaking his own rules), if possible.

He had a son with Mary, who was a human female. No angelic female was required.

[Ender]

So is Bush right? Would time flow differently there as well?

Also Stuart, I apologize for the delay in my contributions - I've basically had a jam packed summer, and will likely be tied up for another week or so while I move to school.

[Darth Ruinus]

I don't really remember where I heard this, or if is even true or not, but I thought angels were supposed to have both sexes in them.

[EdBecerra]

Oh, and Jesus needs to come back to earth FAST. If he's an introspective stoner, he's gonna convert a LOT of hippies to Christianity.

San Francisco would convert en masse, I think. And Berkeley would raise their flags beside him so fast, they'd leave contrails.

Speaking as a Coloradan, I'd think that the People's Republic of Boulder, Colorado would also likely side with Yeshua ben Yusef.

I like that he's God's 'idiot son', too. I guess there's no pleasing some parents.

Meh. It happens.

I suspect it's just me, but I'm feeling a real "Jay and Silent Bob" vibe from Michael-lan and the as-yet-unseen Jesus. (Pity there's no Metatron here - that would be a real hoot.)

Ed.

[EdBecerra]

Unless angels (and presumably whatever type of being Yahweh happens to be) can have at least an infertile child with a human woman, how would Yahweh have a son (Jesus) without there being at least a few angelic females? The former wouldn't surprise me (that he'd be breaking his own rules), if possible.

Uhm... wasn't something mentioned about giants being the children of human women and angels?

Lemme see - I think I've got a copy of KJV on my hard drive..

Ah. Genesis, chapter 6.

6:1 When mankind1 began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born2 to them,3 6:2 the sons of God4 saw that the daughters of mankind were beautiful. Thus they took wives for themselves from any they chose. 6:3 So the Lord said, “My spirit will not remain in5 mankind indefinitely,6 since7 they8 are mortal.9 They10 will remain for one hundred and twenty more years.”11

6:4 The Nephilim12 were on the earth in those days (and also after this),13 when the sons of God were having sexual relations with14 the daughters of mankind, who gave birth to their children.15 They were the mighty heroes16 of old, the famous men.17

So, if there's any truth to that (in context of this story, that is), yeah, there's a severe problem behind the Divine throne.

On top of that, humanity get ripped off of its previous relatively long lives (Gen. 6-3), simply because a few angels couldn't control their sexual urges. (Or their precious bodily fluids.. now I have this image of the bombing of the portals with Slim Pickens riding one of the experimental devices down into the calderas...)

Wonder if this'll be an important plot point or not...

Ed.

[EdBecerra]

By the way, what model of shotgun did the SAS use on the gorgon? The AA-12 automatic with a detachable magazine? Or an "old-fashioned" pump-action feeding from a (non-detachable) tubular magazine?

Speaking as a former gunsmith, I'm fond of the somewhat more evolved version of the Atchisson, the Daewoo USAS-12.

But that's just personal preference.

Ed.

[EdBecerra]

I think the implication is that Yahweh has a weather dominator, yes.

Now that's an interesting choice of words... the GI Joe team will be interested in obtaining it then.

Ed.

[EdBecerra]

Whatever effect he had on it must have been small; it's not as if anyone noticed any bizarre and unexplainable shift in its movement.

Given the "Cone of Uncertainty" in hurricane forcasts, how much effort would you need to attract a hurricane without people noticing?

Huh. Question - would a portal to Heaven cause a small but effective change in air-pressure here on Earth? If you rapidly opened and closed portals, and they DID cause atmospheric lows or highs, you could get a hurricane to follow you and it would look very much like a natural effect of local air pressure. I recall one weather researcher talking about the Great Red Spot of Jupiter as if it were almost a living thing, one that tended to seek out natural energy sources to keep itself rotating - too long a lecture to quote here, and I don't have it in text form anyway.

So, could a Heavenly portal (as opposed to one opened by the Hell crew) manipulate atmospheric highs and lows here on Earth? It'd make for a fiendishly simply and hard to notice means of guiding storms.

Just a curious thought.

Ed.

[Jesus Christ]

My son, for thy insights thy lord hath provided thee, the lord expects his cut, I imbibe only the finest Pinot Noir and 18 year Glenfiddich.

[Edward Yee]

A great chapter, Stuart!!! Michael and Jesus getting stoned is pretty original. St. Peter on acid had to have been a sight to see....

I saw Jesus the bit of an idiot back in Battle Pope... but big-busted, and (as importantly) full-figured Mary was AWESOME.

Looking forward to whenever Michael-lan's scene is revised, as at the moment the Cleaned Up version seemed identical to what I've seen here.

[NecronLord]

Amusingly, if it's the catholics that have excommunicated Yahweh, the ceremony likely involved includes the declaration:

we judge him condemned to eternal fire with Satan and his angels and all the reprobate, so long as he will not burst the fetters of the demon, do penance and satisfy the Church; we deliver him to Satan to mortify his body, that his soul may be saved on the day of judgment.

(Though in actuality, the catholic church makes no specific claims about who goes to hell, despite this) The prospect of delivering Yahweh to Satan is... amusing.

What's this about a weather machine? Couldn't the Flood have simply been another application of portal technology? Just open a portal in a lake, and drown a large area on Earth.

Well, I was being fairly fecetious, not literal. Yahweh supposedly has some way of influencing hurricanes. What that is, we don't yet know.

[Stuart]

Whatever effect he had on it must have been small; it's not as if anyone noticed any bizarre and unexplainable shift in its movement.

Yahweh can't generate hurricanes, tornadoes, willways, cyclones etc but he can steer (within strictly-defined limits) those that form naturally. In essentials, he can manouver the storm within its cone of probability As mantioned in earlier sections, Heaven has a lot of weapons that Hell did not. It's a much more serious and daunting proposition.

Also, the occupants of Heaven are much more complex creatures that those of Hell, they have much more complex motives than the unending battle for personal power that defines Hell. The depiction of Michael (and Heaven) in 89 is the final version; the earlier parts will be edited to match it. The key point about heaven is that nothing is quite as it seems; the image that angels etc project to others is quite different from their reality. In Hell, what you saw was very much what you got, Heaven isn't that way at all. There are layers of deception and misdirection that run very deep. This also makes Heaven a much more dangerous opponent for humans; they could see Hell, knew what it was about and understood how it functioned very quickly. Heaven isn't like that at all.

I went ahead and added chapter numbers to the Completed version, so that people can tell more easily which chapter they're reading. Hopefully Stuart doesn't mind, although I can't imagine why he would be upset.

No objections at all Mike, in fact I'm deeply grateful that you made the effort. It'll make my life a lot easier as well. One of the things about Armageddon is that what is being put up here is very much a first draft; its going up more or less as its being written. By way of comparison, The Big One was the product of two years of detailed research into allied and axis war plans and industrial capabilities and the version that appeared online was the fifth or sixth revision (amusingly, for all the ignorant wailing on places like spacebattles or SAHWI - who have yet to come up with a single viable and supportable objection to the technical or political content of the book - they missed the one serious technical howler in TBO). Armageddon has grown and developed literally as it is being read. So, there are quite a few inconsistencies and logic breaks in it that'll have to be smoothed out. One of the first things I'll be doing when we reach the end of Armageddon is to print it out and read it beginning to end and try and iron those illogicalities out. Some sections will probably be pared down or deleted entirely, others will be expanded. That'll be quite a job.

[Shermpotter]

Darn tootin', Stuart, it'll be quite formidably daunting. However, nothing is really worth doing unless it's done right!! BTW, are you posting this one anywhere else other than here? No matter the answer, I shall look forward to this endeavor!!