The Salvation War: Pantheocide. Part Eighty One Up

[Edward Yee]

Petraeus looked at the operational displays, calculating safety margins and degrees of separation. Yes, it would work. "Sodom, for Gomorrah they die."

So.

You're basically saying that Petraeus Sodom-ized them all.

Well... done.

Speaking of the good General, why does he keep popping up under "Badass" in TV Tropes? It just keeps bringing up a somehow more... macho image of him.

*Had this mental image of him standing outside a command tent laughing maniacally while facing the mushroom cloud*

[Night_stalker]

Hey, you HAVE to cackle manically when you create that sort of explosion! It's a law.

[Edward Yee]

Hey, you HAVE to cackle manically when you create that sort of explosion! It's a law.

I had that mental image just for the surprised, aghast look at any accompanying demons -- or New Roman Republicans -- who have yet to be briefed about nukes...

EDIT: As in, demon turns to another and wonders, "Why is he laughing about that strange cloud in the distance?"

[Stuart]

Speaking of the good General, why does he keep popping up under "Badass" in TV Tropes? It just keeps bringing up a somehow more... macho image of him.

Because beneath that quiet, polite, scholarly exterior beats a heart of pure badass. Lady I know said he is the sort of man every girl wants to bring home to meet her parents - and the sort of man every woman hopes will be around to escort her across a parking lot late at night.

[Edward Yee]

Is this about the Fifty Push-Ups of "Fuck YOU Injury"? (Which btw is legit badass, though no way am I asking him about the chest tube no-sell.)

EDIT: Page 100!

[westrim]

*Had this mental image of him standing outside a command tent laughing maniacally while facing the mushroom cloud*

Hey, you HAVE to cackle manically when you create that sort of explosion! It's a law.

I wonder if they have found General Sherman in the hellpit yet?


Spoiler

I would have modified it to make him Petraeus, but that is beyond my MS paint-fu

[Night_stalker]

Nice pic, I like it!

[Edward Yee]

LULZ... although the reasoning for picking Petraeus in my mental version (for the pic version, just photoshop part of his face behind the bincoulars) was to further emphasize to the demons that whatever happened -- which, by the way, wouldn't have been witnessed by the demons before -- is basically "even more last resort" (once upon a time) than Uriel was.

[JBG]

*Had this mental image of him standing outside a command tent laughing maniacally while facing the mushroom cloud*

Hey, you HAVE to cackle manically when you create that sort of explosion! It's a law.

I wonder if they have found General Sherman in the hellpit yet?


Spoiler

I would have modified it to make him Petraeus, but that is beyond my MS paint-fu

LOL, I saw that some time ago on HPCA probably, in the original without the Yahweh reference of course, and laughed myself stupid. It is brilliant.

Otherwise a cackler is the last the sort of person to make the decision to initiate nuclear devices or execute their delivery. Saint Curtis would give one a royal arse chewing of biblical proportions for any intimation of such unprofessional tendencies.

[Ethesis]

No. We hit a forward troop division. The main body of the Heavenly Host is elsewhere.

That was the main body of Yahweh's personal command. The forward division is the one that was tackling Caesar's Third Legion.

Going to give the next general with a host a lot to think about though ... I doubt that they are going to be able to have a crash course and drills on infiltration tactics.

[Ethesis]

I'm really curious if the Angels will need 2-3 more nukes deployed against hosts before they start to crack or if it comes sooner. When do they decide it is suicide to be asked to lead a host or be in one?! It is one thing to be a parade soldier or to engage in overwhelming force against inferior enemies, it is another to just be slaughtered. Given the way that such armies usually stage and deploy, as the drones get better deployment, they will start being able to nuke them as they stage.

Smart angels ought to be able to see that coming, though the idea of that kind of military intelligence may take a while to sink in (as Robert E. Lee had trouble seeing it).

I'm curious to see where this goes.

[Baughn]

Given the way they've been described, I'm pretty sure a single nuke will be enough. Leading armies is plainly suicidal; bravery is one thing, but they're not even getting to the fight.

That doesn't mean there won't be other attempts, but I don't think there will be other armies, except perhaps if Yahweh forces them somehow. Which brings up an interesting question - which is scarier, a nuclear missile or a benched god?

[Saint_007]

I think another nuke would be in order, just to confirm that the Humans didn't just luck out or someone helped them. I mean, some Japanese generals were convinced America only had one nuke, so Truman flattened Nagasaki to prove he had more.

As for the sadistic choice between angry god and murderous humans, in light of nuclear fireballs, I'd choose annoying Yahweh to commanding armies. At least I'd KNOW what was killing me. I mean, the Baldricks kinda realized that when it was just aerial bombardment blowing the crap out of them, as opposed to being toasted to a crisp by terrifying human magery.

It had once been a gigantic volcanic bubble, a chamber filled with lava from the vents underneath. Then, during the great eruption that had created the Hell Pit super-caldera, the bubble had vented to the outside and the magma had drained away. All that had been left was this great cavern buried deep in the super-volcano mount, its vents long sealed by the action of time and rock. Above it, hundreds of feet of solid rock, far below it, the lava still roiled and grumbled but never tried to make its way to the surface for another devastating eruption. Would it do so one day? Nobody knew but everybody present in the great chamber did understand it was much safer to be down here than on the surface where the human aircraft prowled overhead.

The demons didn’t know the term ‘air supremacy’, not the ones here anyway. They understood the concept though, they were in process of being given a post-graduate education in it. It meant they couldn’t move without being bombed. Yes, down here in the great volcanic bubble was much safer.

Or, to be more precise, the risks were ones they well understood. Most of them centered around the huge red figure at the end of the hall, sitting on a throne hurriedly carved from the volcanic rock. The throne was rough, unpolished and simple, a spectacle far removed from the ornate structure now laying crushed to powder in the ruins of Satan’s palace. If Satan lost his temper, even the Greater Demons here could die. On the other hand, being seen on the surface meant they would die. Could beat would.

Soon, it would mean that Angels would rather brave Yahweh's wrath than the humans' armies. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where your military is well and truly ****ed; when they're less afraid of you than they are of the enemy.

EDIT: Besides, from what we've seen of Yahweh, he can do a fancy lightning show and blast a lot of people at once. Nukes can kill entire cities worth of people. And from what we've seen of Heaven, it's pretty flat; armies and cities alike would have little defense from nuclear blasts.

[Bayonet]

Somehow, I don't think of either Petraeus or Uncle Billy relishing the sight or cackling. I can see them sitting in their tents staring at the canvas with a glass in their hands, futilely trying to forget the image.

Then doing it again in the morning if necessary.

[kosst amojan]

Somehow, I don't think of either Petraeus or Uncle Billy relishing the sight or cackling. I can see them sitting in their tents staring at the canvas with a glass in their hands, futilely trying to forget the image.

Then doing it again in the morning if necessary.

Patton on the other hand...

[Night_stalker]

Or LeMay... Acutally, he'd be jumping for joy!

[Night_stalker]

** Cues up the 1812 Overture**

Only if it's played like the original! :p

With all the big guns? Is there any other way to play it?

[PaperJack]

I wonder how would Drippy react to seeing the blast. I'm no military expert and I don't know how in-field militaries would react to being alerted of a nuclear blast, but I suppose it would be something like this...

The Officer received a call on that device the humans called radio and soon everything was moving around Dripankeothorofenex, and it didn't take long for someone to notice that Drippy was just standing there, looking at others running to take cover, uncertain of what to do.
"Drippy! What the hell are you doing, get behind cover, fast!"
screamed the officer.
The demon knew better than disobey a human, expecially his officer, and he ran behind a jeep as fast as he could, near some other humans.
"What's happening?" asked Drippy to one of the soldiers near him. "Didn't you hear? They threw a nuclear bomb at the angels" answered him the soldier, while pulling a cigarette out of a packet. A... nuclear bomb? Drippy knew what a bomb was, but a nuclear one?
"What's so special about a nuclear bomb?" asked again Drippy. "Heh, I suppose nobody ever told you about these... Well, you know a bomb, right?" the demon slowly nodded "well, take the biggest bomb you can imagine, okay? No, take ten of them. A nuclear bomb is much smaller yet thousands of times more powerful of all the bombs you can ever imagine. And they're gonna blow up one sorta near us. Whatever you do, don't look at the light directly, they say it's so powerful that it insta-blinds you. Also be careful of the shockwave, it can throw a man to the ground from kilometers away".
For a moment, Dripankeothorofenex wondered if the soldier was pulling his leg, but then the officer, who was behind another jeep, said: "Yo Drippy, take this and look north for a surprise!", throwing a small piece of black glass to him.
The demon did exactly as he was ordered, taking the piece of glass and looking towards north, his demonic senses, used to the singular geography of the bubble-universes, helping him find the direction immediately.
What was he supposed to do with the piece of black glass aniways?
But, suddenly, there was a flash of light so incredibly bright he instinctively put the glass in front of his eyes, trying to understand what happened. Was this the nuclear bomb the human told him about?
The light stopped, and the trees, bushes, dust in front of him started moving like something hit them. The shockwave caught Drippy quite unprepared and he was almost thrown down, but instead he managed to catch back his equilibrium and only do a few forced steps back to regain stability.
However, in the distance, a big mushroom shaped cloud started to form.
Dripankeothorofenex wondered for a second why didn't they use these weapons against them during the Curb Stomp war, but then he started to realize just how much humans really hated Yahweh.

I'm not a good writer

[DKeith2011]

I wonder how would Drippy react to seeing the blast. I'm no military expert and I don't know how in-field militaries would react to being alerted of a nuclear blast, but I suppose it would be something like this...

The Officer received a call on that device the humans called radio and soon everything was moving around Dripankeothorofenex, and it didn't take long for someone to notice that Drippy was just standing there, looking at others running to take cover, uncertain of what to do.
"Drippy! What the hell are you doing, get behind cover, fast!"
screamed the officer.
The demon knew better than disobey a human, expecially his officer, and he ran behind a jeep as fast as he could, near some other humans.
"What's happening?" asked Drippy to one of the soldiers near him. "Didn't you hear? They threw a nuclear bomb at the angels" answered him the soldier, while pulling a cigarette out of a packet. A... nuclear bomb? Drippy knew what a bomb was, but a nuclear one?
"What's so special about a nuclear bomb?" asked again Drippy. "Heh, I suppose nobody ever told you about these... Well, you know a bomb, right?" the demon slowly nodded "well, take the biggest bomb you can imagine, okay? No, take ten of them. A nuclear bomb is much smaller yet thousands of times more powerful of all the bombs you can ever imagine. And they're gonna blow up one sorta near us. Whatever you do, don't look at the light directly, they say it's so powerful that it insta-blinds you. Also be careful of the shockwave, it can throw a man to the ground from kilometers away".
For a moment, Dripankeothorofenex wondered if the soldier was pulling his leg, but then the officer, who was behind another jeep, said: "Yo Drippy, take this and look north for a surprise!", throwing a small piece of black glass to him.
The demon did exactly as he was ordered, taking the piece of glass and looking towards north, his demonic senses, used to the singular geography of the bubble-universes, helping him find the direction immediately.
What was he supposed to do with the piece of black glass aniways?
But, suddenly, there was a flash of light so incredibly bright he instinctively put the glass in front of his eyes, trying to understand what happened. Was this the nuclear bomb the human told him about?
The light stopped, and the trees, bushes, dust in front of him started moving like something hit them. The shockwave caught Drippy quite unprepared and he was almost thrown down, but instead he managed to catch back his equilibrium and only do a few forced steps back to regain stability.
However, in the distance, a big mushroom shaped cloud started to form.
Dripankeothorofenex wondered for a second why didn't they use these weapons against them during the Curb Stomp war, but then he started to realize just how much humans really hated Yahweh.

I'm not a good writer

Don't know about that last part, you got that scene across pretty well.

[Medic]

Or LeMay... Acutally, he'd be jumping for joy!

2 points to put that moronic statement in some context.

LeMay's biography in which he's attributed the infamous 'bomb them back into the stone age' phrase in reference to Vietnam, weren't his words. The author chose words he thought LeMay might use and LeMay didn't thoroughly proof-read the work.

And upon America's and the Army Air Force's exuberant response to the 9 March fire raid of Tokyo (actually more lethal than either atomic bomb, but who's counting?) it was LeMay of all people who stated Japan couldn't be made to surrender by strategic bombardment alone, and he was chastised for saying it.

Whatever LeMay's response, it would likely be undramatic, taciturn, and involve a cigar. Much more than that is just blatant, historical typecastinig.

[westrim]

Nice pic, I like it!

Thanks. Not mine, I just edited it so he wasn't a clone and the target wasn't Dallas.

LULZ... although the reasoning for picking Petraeus in my mental version (for the pic version, just photoshop part of his face behind the binoculars) was to further emphasize to the demons that whatever happened -- which, by the way, wouldn't have been witnessed by the demons before -- is basically "even more last resort" (once upon a time) than Uriel was.

Photoshop? Just erasing and putting in a couple blocks of new text were beyond my experience in image editing so far. If someone else wants to go ahead, but it's beyond my current ability. Though I could have redone the text completely to be about Petraeus and not Sherman, I suppose.

LOL, I saw that some time ago on HPCA probably, in the original without the Yahweh reference of course, and laughed myself stupid. It is brilliant.

Otherwise a cackler is the last the sort of person to make the decision to initiate nuclear devices or execute their delivery. Saint Curtis would give one a royal arse chewing of biblical proportions for any intimation of such unprofessional tendencies.

Somehow, I don't think of either Petraeus or Uncle Billy relishing the sight or cackling. I can see them sitting in their tents staring at the canvas with a glass in their hands, futilely trying to forget the image.

Then doing it again in the morning if necessary.

I've actually lost the original now (accidentally saved over it when making this), so if someone has it that would be nice . Google can't find it.

And I do agree on the cackler part. The most important response to using a nuclear device is sadness.

I'm not a good writer

A better writer than most. Good job.

[bilateralrope]

Given the way they've been described, I'm pretty sure a single nuke will be enough. Leading armies is plainly suicidal; bravery is one thing, but they're not even getting to the fight.

That doesn't mean there won't be other attempts, but I don't think there will be other armies, except perhaps if Yahweh forces them somehow. Which brings up an interesting question - which is scarier, a nuclear missile or a benched god?

If they don't fear humans more, I'm sure Micheal will correct them when he stands up to Yahweh.

[Emerson33260]

I wonder if they have found General Sherman in the hellpit yet?

Crazy Billy Sherman's "War is hell" quote was truncated from

"I’ve been where you are now and I know just how you feel. It’s entirely natural that there should beat in the breast of every one of you a hope and desire that some day you can use the skill you have acquired here. Suppress it! You don’t know the horrible aspects of war. I’ve been through two wars and I know. I’ve seen cities and homes in ashes. I’ve seen thousands of men lying on the ground, their dead faces looking up at the skies. I tell you, war is Hell!" (graduation address to the Michigan Military Academy, 19 June 1879)

He had already said it better, actually:

"You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it..." (Letter to the City Council of Atlanta, 12 September 1864)

[Saint_007]

So you're going to try and find Gen. Sherman, drag him out of Hell, the one guy who said war is cruelty and hell, and show him a weapon that is by definition a very compressed jar of hell and cruelty, and make him watch you unleash that hell?

Ironic much?

[MondoMage]

So you're going to try and find Gen. Sherman, drag him out of Hell, the one guy who said war is cruelty and hell, and show him a weapon that is by definition a very compressed jar of hell and cruelty, and make him watch you unleash that hell?

My read on Sherman (from back when I was on a real heavy-duty Civil War history kick) is that he realized full well that war was suffering and cruelty and "hell", as opposed to the almost romantic idealism applied to it from previous wars. Even so, he also realized that the quickest way to get the Confederacy to capitulate was to demonstrate to them in no uncertain terms how cruel and vicious war was. I'm not certain where he actually stood as far as his opinion on the necessity of war, but I'm fairly certain that he would at least understand the reasoning behind the usage of nuclear weapons by Petraeus. Hit them fast, hit them hard, and keep hitting them fast and hard until they realize how much of a mistake they made in going to war, and sue for peace. He probably wouldn't have much patience for those who wring their hands at the notion of civilian casualties - it's war after all. He never went out of his way to target civvies, but if they were in the way, that was their misfortune. Especially if they were supporting the enemy.

Now, the aftermath of a nuclear strike... that might give him second thoughts.