The Open Door (megacrossover)

[Academia Nut]

Thanks. The sudden onset of Silly Accent Syndrome had to do with the fact that it was the captain who was swashbuckling with the drones while everyone else remained at their stations and suddenly as I was dictating the dialogue to get it right I started using an outrageous accent and it kind of spiralled outward from there. I figure, hey, this version of Chaos is equal parts nutty and bloodthirsty, so its not out of character, thus I ran with it.

[holyknight]

Thanks. The sudden onset of Silly Accent Syndrome had to do with the fact that it was the captain who was swashbuckling with the drones while everyone else remained at their stations and suddenly as I was dictating the dialogue to get it right I started using an outrageous accent and it kind of spiralled outward from there. I figure, hey, this version of Chaos is equal parts nutty and bloodthirsty, so its not out of character, thus I ran with it.

Heh....Epic execution.........

And methinks, that the better choice would be to go with the OMG part, to then finish with a evil Haruhi cliffhanger for the next part, no?

[Deadpan29]

Epic, but there is still one thing bothering me.

I can see why the Chaos crew wouldn't take Picard with them on their dark crusade against the Borg, but it's not clear why he was stuck alone in their base. I know the base got hit, but it didn't sound like he was the lone survivor. If the Stiletto was planning on coming back, it seems they wouldn't have left Picard alone in their base. If the Stiletto wasn't coming back, they may have a mean streak but they don't seem to be the type to leave him stranded deliberately. For that matter, after the Chaos ship and crew are gone, wouldn't someone from Starfleet come by to have a look?

[Academia Nut]

Basically, they evacuated to Earth via the Eva and Picard got left behind. This will be elaborated on more later, but that's about it. Suffice to sy, it was part accident, part they just didn't care.

[holyknight]

Basically, they evacuated to Earth via the Eva and Picard got left behind. This will be elaborated on more later, but that's about it. Suffice to sy, it was part accident, part they just didn't care.

[Robo Jesus]

Basically, they evacuated to Earth via the Eva and Picard got left behind. This will be elaborated on more later, but that's about it. Suffice to sy, it was part accident, part they just didn't care.

Now I have the mental image of a younger Naruto being turned to this brand of Chaos.

That would be bad for the Elemental Countries as they currently are, but entertaining nonetheless. Especially if Naruto goes the whole 'Khan' route, trying to turn the Elemental Nations into a place where a young virgin child with a bag full of gold can walk from one end of the Elemental Nations to the other without any sort of fear.

[Academia Nut]

Chapter Thirty: Interrogation

Lars sat quietly in the interrogation room of the small safe house Heaven had prepared for individuals like him, the ones who they really wanted to talk to but didn’t trust to actually bring beyond the Gates of Heaven. It was the sort of thing usually used for potential demonic informants and the like, but Lars was most definitely the most unusual guest they had ever featured within their halls.

For one, they had never met someone who could be so polite and yet so utter unhelpful. Repeatedly he had given them the basic facts that he knew, but he had also repeatedly stated that he had absolutely no intention of getting involved in their politics and he would only help them in a way that would help him get home presuming he did not lead them back to his home.

The most frustrating bit though was that all of their psychic probes revealed him to be honest in his statements and completely terrifying to get too close to mentally. They could hear the other minds subsumed within him if they tried to get anything more than surface scans, something that frightened them all to their core for such a thing should be impossible, and yet here he was.

Many advocated killing him outright as a threat to Creation. Only the fact that he held so many souls within him and they had no idea how to get them out safely prevented them from taking action.

Finally, after several days, Lars said, “Look… its not that I can’t see where you are all coming from, but I think we can all agree that as much as I scare you, you all scare me. I can feel it in all of you, the surging power to rewrite reality if you want, and as much as that scares me, if I lead you back to my home, the damage that could result scares me more.”

It was an enlightening moment for some of those looking on. He was an Outsider, something that did not belong, something anathema to the order they had crafted, to the structure of the universe they knew so well. He had acknowledged the fact that he required the consumption of mortal souls to perpetuate his own existence and had volunteered to have this nature hoisted upon him. And yet despite the feeling of unease they felt around him, he was behaving just like a man trying to protect his family.

Which was why on the fifth day, a very confused Keiichi Morisato found himself in the little white interrogation room across from Lars.

“Well this is interesting,” Lars commented.

“I uh… I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do here,” Keiichi said.

Grinning, Lars said, “You’re here to talk to me Keiichi-san. It’s not a bad tactic really, if a bit sloppy. See, in this session I’m probably going to learn more from you than you or your friends will learn from me, but since you’re an amateur and a mortal, I won’t be able to get much of substance out of you. The point though is that over several sessions they hope that you will develop a rapport with me and thus I will be freer with my words.”

Keiichi blinked and looked at the two way mirror helplessly.

“Oh relax man, to a certain degree I’m going to let it work, partly because I wouldn’t mind hearing a good story or two, partly because I know from working with you that you’re a good man,” Lars replied.

“I wouldn’t say that…” Keiichi began before being cut off.

“No. Shut up now. You are a good man, emphasis on both parts. I’ve met a lot of people in my life, and I know the difference between good and evil, even if where I come from the distinctions are significantly more muddled than here. You are kind and patient and you somehow have the heart of a goddess. A freaking goddess. And not the kind like I have with the thrones of skulls, but an actual glowing with holy light goddess. Unless the basic standards of manhood around here involving eating armed thermonuclear warheads and farting kittens while banging a harem of supermodels, I’m fairly certain you qualify as having balls of solid titanium in the manliness department,” Lars told Keiichi with more passion than the young man was used to seeing.

By the time Lars had finished ranting Keiichi’s face was bright red as he knew that Belldandy was watching through the glass to make sure nothing happened to him. He really hoped Urd wasn’t watching as she would definitely bring that up later.

“It’s nothing really, I…” Keiichi began again.

“Live with a goddess. Listen, I know it might be different here, but where I come from that’s a huge freaking deal. Do you know how much power she carries around with her? Well, I’m a psychic, and it’s like looking at the sun. And she freaking loves you, with every inch of her being. If you got a girl who loved you that much and she was mortal, I would punch you out of principle for being such a magnificent bastard. But no, you had to go one higher and get the girl with not just a beautiful body and soul, but administrative access over the universe. The fact that you’re not strutting about like a peacock about the fact that you have the love of Belldandy-sama actually makes me angry, because you’re just that good. Gah!” Lars ranted. He then put his head in his hand in irritation and said, “Sorry… sorry. I got carried away. I’m not really angry at you.”

Keiichi looked at the mirror and asked, “Did one of you threaten Lars-san psychically?”

Shaking his hand, Lars said, “No, but thank you for your concern. My wife was just telling me to shut up because I was scaring the boy. Sorry. I was really angrier with myself than anything.”

“What’s… what’s wrong Lars-san?” Keiichi asked.

Frowning a bit, Lars slumped down into his chair and looked to be choosing his words carefully for a moment before he said, “I look at you and I remember how angry I was with myself after my wife died. I was out fishing when a massive explosion flash melted Antarctica. The tidal waves and rapidly rising water levels devastated coastal cities across the planet, including where we lived. I was more or less safe on my boat while she drowned. Afterwards, all I could think about was how little time I had with her, how little of our lives we had lived together. Then I see you, and how low your confidence is, and you should be living your life to the fullest. You should have the confidence to go up to the Pope and tweak his nose, not because you know you’ll be bailed out, but because you should be just that full of life. How did you even get the attention of someone like Belldandy-sama?”

Keiichi rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness before he began. He told about how he had met Belldandy, and then it got going from there. For hours he just talked while Lars listened raptly, and every time someone tried to cut the conversation short Lars just held up a hand and said, “I’ll talk more after this, please, let him continue.”

Finally, after ending with the confrontation with Celestine a month or so back, Lars got up out of his chair, walked over to Keiichi, placed his hands on his shoulders, looked him in the eye and said, “Balls. Of. Neutronium. Kid, I don’t know what you have in your head that is getting in your way, but seriously, marry her. Marry her, and make sweet, sweet love until the Grim Reaper himself taps you on the shoulder to let you know that you should take a break before overdoing it.”

“But…” Keiichi began, embarrassed.

Shaking his head, Lars replied, “I don’t want to hear any bullshit excuses. You could nut Kensuke Aida, one of two superhuman military commanders from my world, and he would just be like ‘Damn, that’s Keiichi Morisato; I don’t want to mess with him!’ because you are simply that bad ass. I know you don’t think it, but you’ve stood up to gods and demons and told them to back off, and they have. You have nothing to be scared of. You love Belldandy and she loves you, stop messing around and just say it!”

“I…” Keiichi began again before Lars held up a hand and then walked back down to take a seat.

“Alright, you’ve talked my ear off, now its time for me to return the favour, and satisfy the interests of our hosts. Let me put it this way: where I come from, strength in all of its forms is extremely valued. We have a highly Darwinian society at times, and combat is common amongst individuals. Young boys in their early teens will often compete in gladiatorial death matches for the right to be chosen to be turned into genetically modified super soldiers. One group is a bunch of fanatics obsessed with bloodshed and taking the skulls of their enemies to appease their goddess. They’re about two and a half to three metres tall, wear power armour adorned with kill trophies, and wield chainsaw axes, to list the obvious ways in which they are dangerous. However, if you told them your story, they would bow to you in awe and respect. There’s another group of these soldiers whose idea of worshipping their goddess is to play host to just about every disease imagined and then simply deal with the pain to the point where stopping them involves incinerating the body. They would saint you for your ability to persevere in the face of overwhelming odds. Our head deity would probably try to adopt you into the family for simply being as awesome as you are. Pretty much the only guys who wouldn’t grovel in amazement to you are the worshippers of our passion goddess who would be using very vulgar language to try and convince you to have large amounts of kinky sex with Belldandy-sama as often as possible. Of course, once you actually score with her, then they would be throwing the flowers at your feet. To put it simply, my culture is violent, crass, over-sexed, scheming, and some might say evil and you would be a celebrity there and you wouldn’t have to change a thing about yourself, you are just that incredible. The words do not exist to express how much I am amazed by your compassion, tenacity, patience, humility, and capacity for love. Should I return home, my report will be, ‘I have met the greatest man in the multiverse and his name is Keiichi Morisato, and we should be humbled to know his name.’ That is all that needs to be said,” Lars said with as much emphasis and sincerity he could muster.

Keiichi tried to stop the speech, tried to stop Lars’ praise, but he felt transfixed by him. As much as he wanted to deny all the things said, Keiichi knew that Lars would be deeply disappointed in him if he tried to sell himself short again. Of all the people Keiichi had met, no one had ever heaped such praise on him, and as much as it felt undeserved, he could feel that Lars felt it was the truth.

“Kid, live your life,” Lars said.


The next day, a very angry looking child deity kicked in the door to the interrogation room while brandishing her mallet and roared out, “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

She was then tackled from behind by the flustered members of the security detail, who dragged the young goddess to the ground in a pile of flailing limbs with much screaming.

Lars blinked twice before he replied, “Well this is a new tactic.”

As the security gods hauled the young goddess to her feet, she spat out again, “What did you do to my big sister?” before the guards started to carry her out.

Making the connection to the stories Keiichi had said the previous day, Lars shouted out, “Wait! You’re Skuld-sama, right?”

The guards paused and looked at one another for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. Meanwhile, Skuld said, “Yes.”

“If it’s alright with you two, I’d like to talk to her,” Lars said.

One of the guards said, “We’ll talk to our superiors,” before closing the door.

A few minutes later Skuld returned to the room, although this time disarmed and having a large degree of sulk mixed in with her righteous fury. One of the guards just glared at her before shutting the door.

“So I take it this has something to do with Keiichi-sama and Belldandy-sama’s relationship and some of the, shall we say ‘words’ I used with him yesterday?” Lars asked.

“I knew you did this. For years now he’s been trying to take my big sister away, and then I find out today that he and sister have been… making out,” Skuld said in an absolutely aghast voice.

Lars’ reaction was definitely not what she had expected, for Lars immediately launched out of his chair, punching the sky while shouting, “YES!” He then proceeded to begin dancing while chanting, “Go Keiichi! Go Keiichi!”

“It’s not funny!” Skuld cried out, and Lars suddenly noticed that she was on the verge of tears.

Stopping his dance, Lars said, “Look… I’ve heard stories from Keiichi-sama about how you don’t exactly approve of his relationship with your sister…”

“Oh yeah, take his side,” Skuld pouted.

“…and while I’m normally something of a coward terrified of death, Keiichi-sama has inspired me to say this. You’re a bitch. In fact, you’re an absolutely selfish cunt,” Lars finished.

Skuld’s mouth was hanging open in utter shock at being called that.

Turning to the two way mirror, Lars added on as an aside, “Also, if your sister Urd is listening in, while your heart is definitely in the right place, you’re a bitch too- although from descriptions you might take that as a compliment.”

Turning back to the still stunned Skuld, Lars looked at her and said, “Belldandy loves Keiichi. Keiichi loves Belldandy. They want to be together. When you stand between them, it hurts both of them. I know my guards probably roll their eyes every time I get all effusive and hyperbolic of my praise of him, but the guy has earned the right to be happy with your sister. Leave. Them. Alone!”

Skuld did burst into tears now.

Lars winced and he said to no one in particular, “Okay! Okay! I’ll apologize to the girl! But you know I’ve always been a bitter, blunt old sailor and my ascension to Chaos hasn’t helped.”

This caused Skuld to pause in her tears and look up. She asked, “Wait… did you just say ‘chaos’?”

Lars pinched the brow of his nose and muttered, “Oh great Lars, you managed to go six whole days without mentioning the word ‘Chaos’ and now you blow it.”

Rising from her seat, Skuld pointed an accusing finger at him and said, “We’ve had a huge number of bugs in Yggdrasil since you arrived, so many that I’ve been away almost non-stop debugging. Not only did you fill their minds with icky thoughts, but you made sure they would be unsupervised!”

Lars opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and then held up his hand in a stalling action.

Skuld looked at him funny before she asked, “What wicked plan do you have now?”

“I’m waiting for the situation to inevitably get worse. At this point something will come along placing me in some form of existence threatening peril and I will be forced to rise to the occasion or die whimpering,” Lars explained.

“Are you insane?” Skuld asked.

“Yes, but it gives excellent insight into the workings of the universe. Wait for it… wait for it…”

The building was rocked by an explosion and someone cried out, “We’re under attack!”

Lars wore a smug yet defeated look and said, “Told you so.”

[LadyTevar]

That was just a great Outsider's view of basically any Harem Anime in general.

[holyknight]

Rising from her seat, Skuld pointed an accusing finger at him and said, “We’ve had a huge number of bugs in Yggdrasil since you arrived, so many that I’ve been away almost non-stop debugging. Not only did you fill their minds with icky thoughts, but you made sure they would be unsupervised!”

Lars opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and then held up his hand in a stalling action.

Skuld looked at him funny before she asked, “What wicked plan do you have now?”

“I’m waiting for the situation to inevitably get worse. At this point something will come along placing me in some form of existence threatening peril and I will be forced to rise to the occasion or die whimpering,” Lars explained.

“Are you insane?” Skuld asked.

“Yes, but it gives excellent insight into the workings of the universe. Wait for it… wait for it…”

The building was rocked by an explosion and someone cried out, “We’re under attack!”

Lars wore a smug yet defeated look and said, “Told you so.”

Chaos seeks Chaos.........

the "bugs" until now, didn't had any factor making them gather, and a intelligence below any sentient species. Now, with Lars releasing faint, although steady Warp signatures.....the "bugs" are coalescing and evolving into higher-level, natural Warp entities, no? And their goals are, or they seek to release Lars and learn of him, or Absorb him into their nascent highest evolution, or to MERGE with Lars, on a way that would propel ole Lars into something like a Greater Daemon....

Also, we have the not least unlikely that someone not-so-pleased with the Daimakaichou Hild's rule of Nifelheim, seeks Lars by the knowledge, or to study him, to become something that can challenge Kamisama and the Daimakaichou herself....

The chances...oh...the possibilities....oh...Belldandy and Keiichi finally doing the nasty.....

[Academia Nut]

Chapter Thirty-one: Heroics

“What’s going on?” Skuld cried out in fear as further explosions rocked the building.

“The building is under attack by over a dozen different entities, nasty ones too. The majority are fairly low level, but two appear to be providing artillery support and are quite powerful and one is off the charts. All are quite spectacularly malevolent. I suppose that these are the demons that my interrogators kept asking about,” Lars noted.

“How do you know that?” Skuld demanded suspiciously while glancing about in fear.

“I’m psychic, and all of them are glowing like black holes about to enter final evaporation. If I had to guess, I would say that Hell has found out about me and are leading a full scale assault. Unfortunately I don’t think the guys here were prepared for something of this magnitude. I don’t think they’ll be able to evacuate me in time,” Lars replied with a hint of sadness.

“We have to get out of here!” Skuld announced.

“That one entity I mentioned? Yeah, that one is more powerful than any being I’ve met so far, including your sisters,” Lars replied.

“Hild…” Skuld breathed in horror. Facing the Demon Queen with her sisters was something that scared her, but alone, or worse yet, with an untrustworthy creep like Lars?

Getting up, Lars flipped the interrogation table onto its side and then kicked it against the far wall. With a sigh, he then grabbed Skuld by the collar and threw her behind the table.

“What are you doing?” Skuld screamed once she had recovered enough.

Shaking his head, Lars said, “Being an idiot. I appear to be Keiichi-sama’s number two fan right now, and unfortunately if you get hurt that will cause a great deal of pain to his number one fan, Belldandy-sama, which will in turn cause him grief. I don’t want that. Me… I’m nobody to you people. If I die… so what? If you die? Well, let’s just say that I couldn’t live with myself to see the faces of your friends and family after.”

“What?” Skuld asked in confusion and growing horror.

“I’m going to make sure that the attackers don’t notice you. So stay behind that table and don’t come out until it’s over, and hopefully you’ll get away,” Lars said sadly as he positioned himself in front of the door to the room.

“But… but…” Skuld began.

“No girl. The reason I called you a bitch is because you fail to look beyond your own selfish desires. Your sister loves you and always will, but she also loves Keiichi-sama, and if you force her to choose between the two of you, you will lose. Not because she loves Keiichi-sama more, but because forcing someone to choose between two loves is a sure fire way to drive them away. So hide under that table and let me do this as a favour to you and your family,” Lars explained.

“But…” Skuld whimpered.

“Hide girl. I don’t want you to see this,” Lars stated in a weirdly echoing voice as his eyes began to cloud over and the temperature began to drop.

Skuld did indeed drop behind the table, partly because she was too scared to disobey and partly because she suddenly felt very ill. Still, she did manage to say, “Don’t kill any of them… if you do you’ll kill one of the gods.”

There was a pause as the lights began to flicker and Lars replied, “I won’t kill anyone.”

It took a second for Skuld to realize why she was feeling so sick. She was a Norn, tasked with the maintenance of Yggdrasil, with the very integrity of reality. Normal magic, be it demonic or divine, involved the manipulation of the coding of the universe. But whatever Lars was doing was radically different. Instead of temporarily changing the local manifestation of the laws of the universe, he was essentially glaring at the laws of physics and making them run away in terror. It was not a pleasant feeling for a goddess like Skuld.

The lights went out and ice began to form on every surface, while the scent of the sea, of salt and fish guts, became overwhelming. Skuld then noticed the sounds of chains rattling and a low rhythmic thumping coupled with what sounded like barely audible chanting in a language she did not understand.

Then someone kicked in the door to the room, bringing a flood of light into the room.

Then the screaming started.

Skuld could only clutch at her head at the horror of the sounds. It was like a hundred voices all crying out as one, their throats filling with water, turning their screams into terrible gurgles that impossible refused to be silenced. It was as loud as a tsunami and as intricate as the play of foam across rocks in a storm. It keened and echoed and reverberated, a monstrous noise.

And that was Lars.

A second later two voices, the coarse and brutish throats of demons, joined into the horrible banshee wail, but their cries were ones of absolute terror, the squealing of frightened babes. A second later their screams were cut off by the sound of drywall shattering.

Skuld kept her eyes closed and her hands clamped about her ears.


Lars hated using this form. It wasn’t him. No matter what deals he might have made, he refused to revel in the eldritch abomination style that so many other daemons preferred. He wanted to remain as human as possible.

And yet he had spent most of his human life terrified of death and now he had somehow got it in his head to challenge a Hell God to save the life of a bratty bitch all because she was related to someone who was in love with a guy he had just met. He had been warned that ascension to daemonhood would result in an increase in emotional response and impulsiveness, but this was just pushing it.

Lars was terrified. He wasn’t a combat daemon, fuck; he wasn’t even an infiltrator daemon. He was a minor technical daemon, a glorified radio operator. And not even the good kind of radio operator that served in the field and could call down fire from the sky, but a long range guy. He shouldn’t be fighting the local equivalent of trained soldiers.

And yet, he did, instincts he did not even know he had coming to the fore. The gods had inherited millions of years of experience from the old deities, and ancient, primeval impulses began to take over. He could not take out the enemies all at once or in a fair fight, so he squeezed every advantage he had. For example, none of the grunts he had thus far fought had very good defences against a direct psychic assault, something that Lars was actually quite good at, considering that he had needed to have good broadcast skills to do his job.

Also, for demons, these guys did not seem to have much dealing with the whole cosmic horror aspect of life and thus it was quite possible to reduce them to weeping wrecks without having to rely on much psychic activity. If he could pick them off in ones or twos, he could neutralize the grunts and then make a run for it to try and draw the big powers away from Skuld. Who knew, he might even be able to flee outright.

Using his senses, he determined that there was a pair of grunts immediately below him, and that the floor was made from simple mortal building materials. Mustering his strength, he positioned himself and then plunged his hands down through the floor, and thus the ceiling. His limbs made from infinitely mutable Warp-stuff, they extended weirdly so that he had the reach to grab one of the demons by the head with his hands.

Of course, Lars’ hands did not look remotely human, looking at a distance skeletal, but up close it was clear that they were crabs legs, with the thumbs actual pincers. Someone who really knew their Decapoda would actually identify the limbs as being quite similar to those of the Red King Crab. After all, fourteen of the souls within Lars had been fishermen who died harvesting that species.

Hauling up with a wail like a whale being tortured to death by a blender, Lars picked the demon off his feet and slammed him through the ceiling. Towering over the creature, Lars bent over, his pallid, soggy face a shark toothed smile before his whole head split open at the middle to reveal a gaping maw, Lars’ tongue replaced by a set of grasping cephalopod arms with a snapping beak at the centre. Replacing the suckers on the tangle of arms were dozens of tiny lamprey mouths filled with tiny yellow teeth. As Lars’ horrid visage descended upon the demon’s head, frigid sea water dripped on its eyes and into its screaming mouth.

Lars dropped the demon quickly; the creature going into severe psychic shock as Lars drained him of a huge amount of emotion, fear specifically, leaving a shattered mind behind in his wake. He then rolled out of the way as the other demon on the floor below started shooting with some sort of magical weapon.

Lars could feel that powerful mind that was surely the leader of this operation starting to take direct control over the movement of the troops. Lars had very little doubt that he was being tracked what with all of the energy he was throwing about with his psychic attacks.

Thus it was time to run.

Barrelling through a wall, Lars made a beeline towards the nearest window before abruptly stopping and ripping out a chunk of the floor, dropping down a level, and heading in the opposite direction. He could feel the confusion in the psychic probes sent his way. Not only was his mind undoubtedly alien and hard to read, but his physical actions were hard to predict.

This was because Lars honestly had no idea what he was doing either. He just kept moving, randomly picking a new heading at random intervals. He would punch through walls and floors, even ceilings so as to move up a floor. He would attack demons or run from them without any rhyme or reason, just because he could.

Only when the enemy was scattered all through the building well away from Skuld did Lars move on to phase two, which involved running as fast and as hard as he could down the first hallway he found towards a window big enough to fit through. He then jumped through said window. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was, but he was fairly certain from the topology he had so far seen that he was in a large building.

With glass streaming about him, Lars noted that he appeared to be on the sixtieth floor of a downtown office building. For a brief moment a burst of animal instinct from the human part of him told him that he was about to die, but the fact that he had no true physical form quickly overrode that fear.

Sure, he did splatter against the pavement, but he quickly pulled himself back together to the amazement of hundreds of onlookers before running for all he was worth towards the nearest alley while trying to mask his psychic signature. He severely doubted he was going to get away, but at least he accomplished what he set out to do.


Skuld wandered about in mild shock, surveying the damage as Valkyries and war gods secured the building. Lars had ripped apart much of the area, and while Hild, who had been confirmed in the attack, had pulled out most of her demons, one of them had been found, covered in near freezing sea water and rocking back and forth catatonically, missed in the rapid evacuation. So far psychic probing had… not been pleasant.

All of the gods were disturbed by the implications. They had known that Lars was alien, that he was put together in ways that the Almighty never would have allowed, but he had been so calm and peaceful when they had talked to him, and he had never raised a finger against them.

And yet, when provoked, he had done this, despite claiming that he didn’t care for their conflicts. It didn’t seem to fit.

Skuld slumped down and knew. He could have waited quietly, would have waited quietly for the fight to be decided, if not for his need to protect her. And his reason for protecting her? His reason for doing all of these terrible things on her behalf?

Keiichi.

The bane of Skuld’s existence for years, and he had saved her for Keiichi’s sake. He said that he respected Keiichi too much for him to be hurt by the hurt Belldandy would feel if Skuld got hurt because Hell was after him. It was a complicated chain, but it hurt. Hurt because this monster, this soul eating abomination, cared more for others than she did.

Because now that she saw this she realized that she had been selfish all these years trying to keep Belldandy to herself.

Skuld began to cry.

And she wished that Lars was safe somewhere.


While hanging upside down, Lars noted, “Well that didn’t work.”

“It almost did,” Hild replied with a shrug and a broad smile.

[Singular Quartet]

No, I'm very sorry Lars, you have no luck whatsoever.

[holyknight]

No, I'm very sorry Lars, you have no luck whatsoever.

At least he isn't called Sir Bors......

[LadyTevar]

At least Lars taught Skuld a very well-deserved lesson.

[Academia Nut]

So, I only have one or two more chapters after this that where I know what I want to do, so combined with school, expect the updates to drop off again.

Chapter Thirty-two: Dilemma

It had been months since Kyon had heard from the beings of Chaos, but he had been stewing about it since then. Haruhi was such a handful, and the words of the ‘avatars’ still echoed in his head. How long could he keep taking the high road with Haruhi?

Thus, when the next card requesting a meeting arrived in his mail, Kyon was not surprised that it arrived, just surprised that it had taken so long. What were those creatures plotting now?

Arriving at the same hotel as last time, Kyon was led by a bellhop not to the restaurant but to the penthouse suite, which was pretty freaky. When he knocked on the door, he heard a distant, “It’s open, come on in.”

Stepping tentatively inside, Kyon discovered a place where the decorations on the wall probably cost more than what his family made in an entire year. After taking off his shoes, he wandered forward carefully, giving everything inside plenty of room. Even if it wasn’t filled with psychopathic monster, Kyon would never take Haruhi here for fear of racking up hundreds of millions of yen worth of damage that she would somehow find away to foist off on him.

“We’re by the pool, just turn a bit to your right,” a male voice, Shinji, said. Following the directions given and the origination point of the sound, Kyon found himself stepping through an arch into a massive room with a full sized swimming pool encased in the trappings of what looked like an Italian Renaissance grotto or some such elegant location, complete with stained glass windows and a exquisitely carved angels and nymphs acting as fountains to circulate the water in the pool.

“You like?” Shinji called out, and Kyon noted that the male avatar appeared to be sitting in a pool chair, carved out of stone of course, facing away from Kyon so that only his arms and the top of his head were visible.

Approaching cautiously, Kyon said, “It’s… impressive.”

“I know. We actually had the hotel remodelled to suit our tastes,” Shinji replied.

“You…” Kyon’s question died on his lips as he got close enough to see past the back of the chair… and the state of dress of both Shinji and the red headed girl with her head concealing his lap.

Asuka raised her head from what she was doing to say, “Hi,” before going back to work.

Panicking, Kyon tried to run only to back up into someone larger than him with very soft features but the sort of imposing strength from the impact that told Kyon that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Oh do relax Kyon-san, we’re not going to do anything untoward to you, we’re just trying to freak you out because… well mostly because it’s funny. Plus from our point of view it’s nice to enjoy the good things in life,” Shinji stated as Kyon found himself marched towards one of the lounge chairs and ordered to sit. Once he was sitting and he found that he was quite firmly rooted in place, the as of yet unseen figure sat down, revealing to Kyon that he had bumped into a very naked Misato.

He was now flanked on either side by naked people who were the avatars of cosmic horrors from another universe.

Smiling broadly at him while picking up a bottle of oil, Misato said, “Oral sex or a hand job to relax you during this meeting?”

“No!” Kyon cried out in horror.

Raising his eyebrows, Shinji said, “Trust me when I say ‘Your loss’.”

“Why have you brought me here?” Kyon demanded in a near panic at what was going on around him.

“Well, for one, we find the sex education courses in your school deplorable and we feel that in your situation that is simply unacceptable,” Misato replied as she oiled herself up.

“The other, and rather more important one, is that we have some things important to you that you have to find out about. Also, since it looks like you’re getting close to having your panic overwhelm your fear of us, Rei, make sure he doesn’t move,” Shinji said.

Walking up from behind the chair, Rei, also naked, sat down on top of Kyon and promptly went to sleep, pinning a now epically nervous Kyon in place as he tried not to move.

“Oh relax, they’re just tits. Plus you can literally do anything to Rei and she won’t stop smiling. Seriously, if you want to get some experience in, Rei’s a great starter for figuring out the basics,” Misato encouraged.

Kyon could not say anything he was so shocked.

“Now that we have your full attention, we should get on to the point of this meeting. In essence, what is happening right now is that there is going to be a… disturbance. Something went awry, and there is, for lack of a better term, a shockwave approaching. It will arrive in a few days and last for about an hour or two. During that time, interesting things will happen,” Shinji explained.

Kyon heard all of this, but the fact that he had a naked girl sleeping on top of him prevented him from forming a coherent reply.

“Thus we all need Haruhi distracted for about a week for the majority of the furor to die down. And we mean really distract her, such that… wait… ah. Anyway, we each have a couple theories about how to best go about it, although most of these will be relegated to a ‘back up plan’ status in your mind,” Shinji said.

Her work finished, Asuka wriggled up until she was sprawled across Shinji and said, “My first suggestion was to simply knock her out for a week. One blow to the back of the head when she’s not suspecting it and she’s out. I can make sure not to kill her too.”

“The obvious flaw to that plan is that she could still possibly exercise her powers while asleep, and we don’t want her to create a fantasy world that becomes reality,” Shinji said.

“And, let’s face it, you probably don’t want her knocked out,” Misato added on. She then said, “I bet you could guess my suggestion. A week long orgy, with us joining in at your discretion. We keep Haruhi’s legs so close to her head she can’t think for days on end. We have some incredible drugs that will give males and females inhuman endurance and sensation. Plus, if you want, we can show you how to make every nerve in the female erogenous zones work to your advantage.”

Rei muttered sleepily, “I said we should just give her the flu and all of you can take care of her for a week. She’ll remain in her house and shouldn’t notice any of the weirdness. You’ll have to deal with Haruhi and cabin fever, but you already know how to deal with that.”

That, surprisingly, was the first option Kyon actually liked. Somewhat.

“Me, I said vacation,” Shinji replied.

Kyon finally had acclimatized to having Rei lying on him long enough that he said, “It’s not summer break though.”

“Huh… would you look at the time? Your school should have flooded from a fault in the fire extinguisher system by now. The damage will be pretty severe, enough to shut down everything for about a week or two while clean up occurs. You have time to go on vacation now,” Shinji replied.

Kyon’s jaw dropped open.

“So anyway, how would you like to go to Canada? A private jet all the way to Vancouver where you will spend three nights with accommodations at the Hotel Vancouver before getting on a train to Banff and spending two nights in the Chateau Lake Louise. It’s absolutely beautiful this time of year as its autumn and the trees are changing colour. You’ll then travel across the country in style to Toronto over the course of two nights in an extremely comfortable and luxurious train car. You will spend three days in Toronto as guests of the Fairmont Royal York before moving on to Montreal and the Chateau Frontenac for three days before flying back to Japan. It will be quite the adventure, with plenty of opportunity for exploration, excitement, and dare I say it, romance?” Shinji explained in detail.

“And how exactly would we do that?” Kyon asked.

“Surprise, someone entered the SOS Brigade into the Canadian Grand Railway Hotels Tour contest, which just happens to have not existed until you approve of the idea. And don’t worry about passports or the fact that you’re all minors, that has all been taken care of,” Shinji noted.

“What about our parents?” Kyon asked.

“Well, only you, Haruhi, and Itsuki need to worry about that sort of thing, and Itsuki with his contacts in the organization is very good at arranging these sorts of things. That said; your parents and Haruhi’s both just won contests at work. Paris and Kenya beckon, respectively. Arrangements for siblings have also been organized. I’m very good at planning these sorts of things,” Shinji explained.

“How are you doing all of this?” Kyon asked in disbelief.

“Our current net worth is 4.2 billion USD and we have controlling interests in the companies your parents work in. Why do you think they’ve suddenly had their careers accelerated so nicely?” Shinji explained.

Kyon’s eyes bulged out in shock and horror and he asked, “How did you get that money?”

“We used telekinesis and pachinko to turn a few hundred yen collected off the streets to into enough money that telekinesis, precognition, and roulette let us set up that first meeting with you and we had enough funds to begin playing the stock market as day traders for a few weeks before we started aggressively leveraging what we had into corporate acquisitions and mergers,” Misato explained.

“My favourite parts are the hostile takeovers and subduing entrenched middle management. Who knew corporate politics could be so violent?” Asuka said with a grin.

“You just had to earn yourself the nickname of ‘The Axe’, didn’t you?” Shinji said with an exasperated sigh.

“It’s hilarious to make a forty-seven year old salary man break down weeping because a girl younger than his own daughter is making him beg to keep his job,” Asuka cackled.

“Don’t forget rooting out all the nepotism, cronyism, and patronage appointments so that we could replace them with our own people. It’s the best part of any turnover of power: replacing one form of corruption with another,” Misato pointed out.

“Wait… wait… you all control where my parents work?” Kyon asked in stunned horror.

“Yes,” all four avatars replied as one.

“You deserve the good things in life for having to deal with Haruhi. Right now we’re making sure your parents have nice, cushy jobs and lots of money. We also control your school board, and a couple other things,” Misato replied.

A sudden chill ran up Kyon’s spine and he asked, “So I don’t really have any choice in these matters, do I?”

“Well, you could leap off this building if you really don’t want to choose or come up with your own way to distract Haruhi, but if you’re concerned that we’re going to hold the well being of your friends and family over you, don’t worry. While yes, these acts have given us leverage over you, such leverage really only exists in theory as we have no intention of punishing you that way. Instead, think of it as we think of it; a reward for good work in our eyes,” Shinji explained.

“Just as we’re all willing to give you or any other members of the SOS Brigade a reward for your good work,” Misato said seductively.

“I really…” Kyon said.

“What do you want to do Kyon? Do you want to take the help from creatures friendly towards you and your goals but who you don’t consider ‘ethical’? We can give you a list of our investment portfolio and some of our corporate actions and you can look over them. You’ll find our actions are well above the basic standards for corporate ethics and responsibility, and we have in fact been attempting to improve the quality of life for all of our employees, all joking of ‘new forms of corruption’ aside. The only problem you have is that we are extra-dimensional horrors with incomprehensible agendas and rumours of abhorrent treatment of our subjects. That is not true,” Shinji stated.

“It’s our enemies who need to worry,” Asuka added on cheerily.

“So really, the question you have to ask yourself is this: do you want to accept what we have to offer you and move our relationship up from ‘uneasy neutrality’ to open alliance, or reject us entirely and make yourself an enemy,” Misato said.

“Align with evil out of fear of what it will do and hope of the rewards it will bring, or reject it and face the consequences,” Kyon stated.

Nodding, Shinji said, “Yes. But question has two questions behind it you must answer. The first is, are we truly ‘evil’? The second is, even if we are, how noble are you? Additionally, I think you really should get a sample of what ‘selling out’ will get you. Girls?”

Giggling, all of the females scrambled about until they were all resting their heads in Kyon’s lap, their faces looking up at him eagerly, much to Kyon’s chagrin. Then Shinji took up position behind Kyon and said, “Also, for added incentive, let me point out some things.”

Rei’s outline blurred and then her appearance changed to that of Mikuru. Naked. Lying on top of Kyon.

“Quiet and accepting, she will go along with just about anything. Will enjoy just cuddling and will never speak ill of you. Cute and pleasant. Excellent for beginners,” Shinji said with a sinister smile.

Then Misato’s figure rippled and changed to that of Yuki. Again, naked.

“Confident and knowledgeable. Has high standards, but is a superb teacher so if you follow along with her you will learn much. An advanced subject for once you have sufficient confidence to not embarrass yourself,” Shinji detailed out.

Finally Asuka transformed into the form of Haruhi.

“Wild and untamed, extremely demanding and will be abusive and obnoxious if you screw up. Still, a wild ride if you have the courage and skill to go for it, a challenge as she will try to dominate you if you show any sign of temerity. Definitely a master level girl,” Shinji said.

The girls were now starting to move higher up on Kyon, their hands searching about, making it hard to think. Leaning over, Shinji said, “So what do you say Kyon? Do you follow the noble path and leave here, or do you come with us? Don’t forget that you still haven’t busted open Haruhi’s abuse of the Computer Club. Don’t forget that you have stood aside so many times when she starts to ‘play’ with poor Mikuru. Don’t forget you kept all of those pictures instead of deleting them because you couldn’t bear to erase such nice cleavage. Don’t forget all the other times you have taken the low path. Now is the time to join us, or leave here and make yourself a hypocrite, or leave here and take up the burdens of following the high path at all times. So, what will it be Kyon? What will it be?”

Kyon opened his mouth to reply.

[Singular Quartet]

You are an utter bastard when it comes to cliffhangers.

[Academia Nut]

I watched episode 22 of Code Geas R2 today. I was feeling particularly evil.

[Singular Quartet]

I watched episode 22 of Code Geas R2 today. I was feeling particularly evil.

My only knowledge of that show is that the men in it have no visible genitalia.

[Robo Jesus]

“Well, only you, Haruhi, and Itsuki need to worry about that sort of thing, and Itsuki with his contacts in the organization is very good at arranging these sorts of things. That said; your parents and Haruhi’s both just won contests at work. Paris and Kenya beckon, respectively. Arrangements for siblings have also been organized. I’m very good at planning these sorts of things,” Kyon explained.

The name Kyon needs to be replaced with Shinji here. Beyond that, this chapter is very amusing.

[Academia Nut]

Let's just say that the series features the sort of protagonist that would be able to successfully match wits with Light from Death Note. Also, the cliffhangers make you want to blow your freaking head off at the end of every.single.episode. Seriously, they are far more evil than I could ever be in that series.

Also, that mistake will be cleaned up.

[von Neufeld]

Great updates.

So, you're starting to become unsure about what to do next. Here's some suggestions:
- Buffy: Here you can just follow the TV series and do the Fordham and Eyghon episodes.
- Star Trek: A wrap-up chapter, looking at the effects Stiletto's visit had on the universe. (Picard, Starfleet, Borg, other powers)
- SG-1/Nahona: Here's need for post-battle debriefing, and you still haven't shown us how exactly the Tok'ra was affected by chaos.
- British invasion game, how is this idea progressing?

[Academia Nut]

Buffy- that's one of the chapters I have in my head
SG-1/SGA- that's the other one (evil levels of 4.8kNz detected!)
Nanoha- that's going to possibly wait a bit as I have evilness planned for them that needs to stew for a bit
Star Trek- maybe a set up chapter where Picard realizes that the Federation needs to change if it wants to survive and then let it stew for a bit
British Invasion- now that I have a better conception of the multiverse, I realize that my initial idea isn't going to quite work. I think I will have to return to it once Lars get home

Also, I am really tempted to start moving into Star Wars. The problem there is that the Chaos gods aren't stupid and they know which universes can kick their asses and which can't. Its why they've avoided places like DBZ, TTGL, the Culture, the Xeelee, etc. like the plague. I also want to get into Macross Frontier, but I think I'm going to wait for the Stiletto to get home first. Which I suppose means that I could do another chapter in nBSG.

Hmmm... I should have enough to work with at the moment.

[LadyTevar]

Then go to nBSG

[holyknight]

Buffy- that's one of the chapters I have in my head
SG-1/SGA- that's the other one (evil levels of 4.8kNz detected!)
Nanoha- that's going to possibly wait a bit as I have evilness planned for them that needs to stew for a bit
Star Trek- maybe a set up chapter where Picard realizes that the Federation needs to change if it wants to survive and then let it stew for a bit
British Invasion- now that I have a better conception of the multiverse, I realize that my initial idea isn't going to quite work. I think I will have to return to it once Lars get home

Also, I am really tempted to start moving into Star Wars. The problem there is that the Chaos gods aren't stupid and they know which universes can kick their asses and which can't. Its why they've avoided places like DBZ, TTGL, the Culture, the Xeelee, etc. like the plague. I also want to get into Macross Frontier, but I think I'm going to wait for the Stiletto to get home first. Which I suppose means that I could do another chapter in nBSG.

Hmmm... I should have enough to work with at the moment.

Hmm.....now that i thought it.....the TSAB starship has anything akin to Gellar Fields? Why if not, they are pretty much on the middle of the enemy, without knowing it.......add their magic/sorcery capabilities, and wouldn't be rare that some on the ship do start hearing "whisperings" on their thoughts.....

Picard knows that the Federation has to change...what it may make him hate Chaos with a passion, it's the price, both for the Federation and himself that it's required to save it.

On Star Wars.......my personal choice to let Tzintchi and the others work their magic, would be the most algid point of the Clone Wars, before the death of Darth Tyrannus and General Grievous.....given the amount of chaos and confusion all around.......to turn many into the Chaos's side would be kid's play, and if Chaos has something like the Alpha Legion, to foment disruption, chaos and insurrections on both the Republic and the CIS, along with create Chaos Cults everywhere, both sides will be too busy fighting each other to note that they are to get back-stabbed on the process...

[Crayz9000]

The fact is, however, that your typical Star Destroyer could go head to head with the Stiletto and still kick its ass. Therefore, the only real way to do anything in Star Wars would be to infiltrate and corrupt as many Jedi and/or other people as possible.

Of course Palpatine would love additional power, but the only problem is that he schemes almost as much as Tzintchi. That could be really interesting, actually, watching Tzintchi twist Palpatine's plans around, and vice versa.

[LadyTevar]

I think he should avoid StarWars.

I am also wanting Kyon to be the one person so far who can look at them and say "No. Thank you, but No. Give her the flu for a week."