Anyway, here's some suggested corrections:
His small force consisted of his new ship the Pillar of Autumn, ten destroyers including his former command the Iroquois and twenty frigates were among the most advanced the UNSC Navy had to offer. They had been improved above and beyond the now-standard upgrades given to the other ships – neutrino-ion generators powered their improved shields, new Tollan-designed ion cannons that had proven very effective against the Covenant shields alongside uprated sublight drives and FTL systems, a set of upgrades that perfectly fitted their role as long-distance raiders.His small force consisted of his new ship the Pillar of Autumn, ten destroyers including his former command the Iroquois and twenty frigates were among the most advanced the UNSC Navy had to offer. They had been improved above and beyond the now-standard upgrades given to the other ships – the used neutrino-ion generators as power sources for their improved shields, they mounted new Tollan-designed ion cannons that had proven very effective against the Covenant shields and sported uprated sublight drives and FTL systems, a set of upgrades that perfectly fitted their role as long-distance raiders.
but they were stoic enough to make solid granite envious, so only the most perceptive of peoplebut they were stoic enough to make solid granite envious so only the most perceptive of people
He’d heard rumours of other scouts heading for one of those Halo rings and a fleet heading straight for Earth - that scared the Captain. As brutal as the last weeks had been for the UNSC, the prospect of a full-scale Covenant assault on Reach or Earth was enough to freeze the blood of any officer or enlisted who contemplated it. Both worlds had powerful defences, but fixed defences alone could not stop a determined attack.He’d heard rumours of other scouts heading for one of those Halo rings and a fleet heading straight for Earth and that scared the Captain. As brutal as the last weeks had been for the UNSC the prospect of a full-scale Covenant assault on Reach or Earth was enough to freeze the blood of any officer or enlisted who contemplated it. Both worlds had powerful defences but fixed defences alone could not stop a determined attack.
had transferred to the heavy cruiser, turned to Keyeshad transferred to the heavy cruiser turned to Keyes
dropped out of slipspace eighty-eight thousand kilometresdropped out of slipspace eight-eight thousand kilometres
Cortana had borrowed a tactic from their Terran allies - plotting the jumps to put the UNSC ships in a hemisphere formation centred on the two corvettes, giving every ship clear lines of fire.Cortana had borrowed a tactic from their Terran allies and plotted the jumps to put the UNSC ships in a hemisphere formation centred on the two corvettes, giving every ship clear lines of fire.
On each of the thirty frigates and destroyers, four ion cannons locked on the required bearing and opened fire. Another thirty guns mounted on the Pillar of Autumn joined in the salvo – their firing solution was loose enough to not guarantee first-round hits so the AIs had opted for blanket mass fireOn each of the thirty frigates and destroyers four ion cannons locked on the required bearing and opened fire. Another thirty guns mounted on the Pillar of Autumn joined in the salvo – their firing solution was loose enough to not guarantee first-round hits so the AI’s had opted for blanket mass fire
The AIs had performed superblyThe AI’s had performed superbly
heading for the scouts' last known positionheading for the scout’s last known position
going into action as an independent force, rather than an attachmentgoing into action as an independent force rather than an attachment
as the enemy ship appeared, she would take theas the enemy ship appeared she would take the
The slipspace distortion had placed great strain upon the main engines, forcing them to travel on to the target world slower than normal. Worse, while his ship’s shields had not been compromised, the generatorsThe slipspace distortion had placed great strain upon the main engines, forcing them to travel on to the target world at a slower speed than normal. Worse, while his ship’s shields had not been compromised the generators
Surely, if they really had sided with the humans, they would have brought their entire fleet to aid themSurely if they really had sided with the humans they would have brought their entire fleet to aide them
The slipspace rupture appeared, spitting the Solemn Penance out into realspace two hundred thousand kilometres from Earth. Regret instantly moved over to the sensor displays and was stunned at what he saw. This planet was clearly held by the humans, and had more powerful defences than anything he had ever seen, short of High Charity itself.The slipspace rupture appeared and the Solemn Penance was shot out into realspace two hundred thousand kilometres from Earth. Regret instantly moved over to the sensor displays and was stunned at what he saw. This planet was clearly held by the humans, and had more powerful defences than anything he had ever seen short of High Charity itself.
Elsewhere in the system, Regret could see major enemy positionsElsewhere in the system Regret could see major enemy positions
The weapon mount was torn asunder and, worse still, the massive capacitor banksThe weapon mount was torn asunder and worse still the massive capacitor banks
white light that gouged out a hundred-metre craterwhite light that gored out a hundred-metre crater
What remained of the once-mighty Assault Carrier, and the High Prophet of Regret, vanished in twenty flares of nuclear fire.What remained of the once-mighty Assault Carrier, and the High Prophet of Regret vanished in twenty flares of nuclear fire.