Blast from the past MKII (MST4K02)
Posted: 2006-11-09 02:51pm
Since certainly enough people looked at the last MST, and I got some positive feedback, here's episode 2 of MST4K, written not long after the first. This one is much the same as the first, though the material I was working with was much less vomit inducing, allowing me to focus more on humor and less on rage. Enjoy.
Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim Jewett
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blasts the opening sequence with a missile)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?
Satellite of Lust, 6 PM
Graham: Another one?
Tim: Yeah, Artlu said he found another one he didn't like, so he's sending it up here.
Graham: Where's MAX? We can't do this without three people!
Tim: MAX is busy hunting down Oscar, so we won't be seeing him for a while. Artlu said he'd send up a guest commentator
Graham: Any clue as to who?
Mendo: Is the the "Satellite of Lust?
Tim: (in a kansas accent) naw, to get there you need to go past where the old barn used to be. (normal voice) Of course this is the SOL!
Mendo: Good, this will be televised right? I can't stand having to do this as a favor to Arthur Louis without at least being seen on TV.
Graham: Who?
Tim: He means Artlu, anyway let's head on in. I wanna get this done as quickly as possible
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ranma Nibunnoichi - Passion Spice ... ?
All characters portrayed in this fanfic are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi
and Shogakukan Inc, etc, etc, etc.
Graham: does anyone ever read those things?
Tim: Only the funny ones
NB. This has nothing to do with the Ranma Nibun No Ichi series!
Mendo: but it's in the title, Ranma Nibunnoichi!
Tim: It's another story of hers, Rich boy.
*Translations at the end of the story*
_______________________________________________________________________
Ryouga opened a sliding door and walked through it, his eyes down. <Ittai
koko wa doko da?> he thought, "ITTAI WA DOKO DA!?" He raised his face
skywards as he yelled, looking up at a ceiling.
Graham: WHAT?
Tim: Something about "where the hell am I"
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Hentai!!" came a woman's scream.
Mendo: Is she mad or scared?
Tim: Scared, there are 38 E's in her scream
Graham: She's mad too, but in a different way
Ryouga blinked, <Now where have I heard that voice before?> He turned
to the origin of the scream... and promptly fainted, a fountain of blood
splurting from his nose.
Mendo: Blood? Is he related to Morobishi?
Tim: I think he got six feet on that one, bob!
Graham: Oh, but his foot was on the line, so he's diqualified!
Mendo: What are you two commoners doing?
(they hammer Mendo)
Ukyou stared as Ryouga fainted, and lowered her spatula. "Ryouga-kun?" she
asked. He did not stir, so she sighed and stepped back into the bath,
sitting down to relax in the hot water. <Feh! One look at a naked body and
he keels over! What's the point in wanting to marry Akane when he wouldn't
be able to get through their wedding night conscious, let alone their
honeymoon!> She closed her eyes and relaxed, knowing Ryouga would be out
for a LONG time.
Tim: what's the point of chasing after a guy who, until he accidentally sliced your shirt in half, thought you were a guy and has expressed naught but fillial love since?
Graham: What did you just say?
Tim: I'm mocking Ukyo, she chases after Ranma as Ryouga does Akane
[One hour later]
Eventually Ukyou left the bath and dried herself with a towel, wrapping
another towel around her hair. She fastened the first towel around herself
and looked at Ryouga's sleeping form. <What on earth are we to do with you,
Ryouga-kun?> She shook her head and took a bucket of cold water, and splashed
it in his face...
Tim: Pork chops?
Graham: Shish Kabob?
Mendo: how about something elegant?
(They hammer Mendo)
Suddenly there was a very cute, little, black, spluttering pig in Ryouga's
place. It looked up, fearfully... but Ukyou was standing too close. P-chan
saw up her towel and fainted again.
Mendo: I bet Morobishi would love to be that pig
Tim: So would you. I myself would prefer to be the invisible man, don't ask why, or I'd have to tell you
Ukyou blinked with surprise, "Ryouga is P-chan?" She bent down and picked up
the little piglet by his collar, one of Ryouga's bandannas. <Akane sleeps
with Ryouga!> she thought, staring at the piglet in her hand. The pig lifted
out of Ryouga's clothes easily, and Ukyou shook her head again, "Jyusenkyou.
Figures. Well, it's time we had a little talk, Ryouga-kun." With that, she
dumped him in the bath.
Tim: I would suggest usage of drop in that sentence myself
Mendo: I would suggest you put me in that scene
(They hammer Mendo again and knock him out cold)
A moment later, a wet and naked Ryouga sat up in the bath, spluttering. "What
the - ?!"
Graham: He's not naked, he has his bandanna on!
Tim: Hentai = Ukyo, Ukyo = Hentai
Ukyou eyed him and he shut up, finally realising where he was. Not wanting a
spatula to the head, he waited for her to speak.
Tim: Ryouga could crush her with one hand, and he's afraid of a spatula?
"Sorry, Ryouga-kun, but this isn't the Tendou Doujou, and you're not going to
find Akane-chan here, any time soon."
Graham: Not unless Ranma comes here and she follows him.
Tim: Graham, you know that Ranma NEVER goes to Ucchan's!
"Errrrr, well. Sorry, Ukyou-san. Would you be able to give me directions?"
Tim: not like they'd help or anything, but...
Mendo: Ow, my head, hey she's still nude! And so is he!
Ukyou narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. <I wonder if he even realises
that I know who 'P-chan' is.> She shook her head again then looked into his
eyes, "I wonder what would happen if Akane-chan found out who P-chan really
is..."
Tim: The statement and posture indicate not only that she knows who P-chan is, but also that she is threatening to blackmail.
Ryouga's eyes clouded with fear, "N-nan da!? I... I'm not P-chan!!"
"Feh. Ryouga-kun, you've just given yourself away. I never accused you, did
I? Well... how do you plan on keeping this from her?"
Graham: By fainting halfway during any conversation they have?
Mendo: Is this boy that bad with women?
Tim: Nope, He's worse. Anyway he technically didn't give himself away, see my previous sentence above for why.
"You won't tell, will you?" he asked desperately, reaching out to grab her
hands, his expression pleading. "You know that I love her... I only want to
be held by her..." He trailed off and sighed, "But she only does that to me
as P-chan... Why am I so cursed?! It is all that damned Ranma's fault!! He
did this to me! He - "
*Clunk*
Mendo: Was that his brain shutting dowm?
Graham: Dunno, why?
Mendo: Morobishi's brain sounds like that when it shuts down.
Ukyou thumped him soundly over the head with her giant spatula. "Leave
Ran-chan out of this. He never put you in her arms as P-chan, now, did he?"
"Ummmm... Not exactly..."
Tim: See Graham, I told you, Ryouga's in the mess he's in cause of himself!
"Look, maybe we can do something to get you with Akane and myself with
Ran-chan... Hmmm... I know of a way, but I've never figured out how to get
the ingredient that I need. Do you think that you could use your cursed
form to create a diversion?"
Ryouga blinked, "I guess so... if you show me where to go. What is it you're
after?"
"I need to get the passion spice from Shampoo and o-baba. Ran-chan and
Akane will never suspect my okonomiyaki to be laced with magic, ne?"
Graham: Why would she want passion spice?
Tim: Same reason why Lum and Shinobu would want a love potion.
Mendo: Why would they need a love potion? I love them very much already
Tim: Graham, be ready with a desk, I've got the lightning covered
(They zap him with lightning and smash a desk over his head)
Tim: That was fer Lum and Shinobu, ya dumb jerk.
Ryouga nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well, I can suggest to them, through Ran-chan, that maybe whole boiled
piglet would be a nice meal..."
Graham: I prefer steamed duck myself
Mendo: Broiled rabbit is much better
Graham: Let's stick with duck.
Tim: How about some roast of Somerichguy? (draws his swords, and snickers in Mendo's direction)
"NO! I will NOT be put through that situation again!!" Old memories flooded
into his mind.
"Ryouga-kun, it's the only way to win Akane, you know. Ran-chan's not good
for her, and I'll keep him away so you can have Akane-chan for yourself..."
Tim: oh yeah, Ran-chan, it clogs your arteries like there no tomorrow
Graham: Plus it goes straight to your thighs
"The only way?" he asked in a small voice.
Tim: well you could tell her you loved her, but that would take courage.
Graham: Yup, this is the only way
Ukyou nodded.
"Then I will do it for Akane-san's sake!"
"Well, Ran-chan's coming over for some okonomiyaki soon, so I'll plant the
suggestion in his mind. Just hang around here till I'm finished, okay? I'm
sure he's going to go to the Nekohanten next." She stood up, <Well, let's
have a little fun, first. Ryouga's cute when he's fainted like that!> She
giggled a little and took the towel from her head, then, facing him, started
to undo the towel around her body.
"No! Ukyou-san!" Ryouga jumped out of the bath to try to stop her, trying to
avoid another nose bleed and fainting session. But he was too late. He only
succeeded in planting his face in her cleavage as she dropped the towel. He
cried out and fainted. Fortunately for Ukyou, he shoved two cotton balls up
his nose before he bled all over her.
Mendo: oh to have been in his place
Tim: For once, I agree with Medno
Graham: Same here. Let's hammer him!
(They hammer Mendo)
"Ryouga-kun, you'll have to get over this habit if you want to make Akane
happy." She admired his fainted, naked body for a moment, then went and got
dressed, leaving Ryouga to recover.
Mendo: What habit? Does he smoke, or drink?
Tim: Time to "Play Thor". BAKA! (Draws a battle hammer and hits Mendo)
[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya, later]
Ukyou smiled as she looked up, watching Ranma enter. "Hi, Ran-chan! I have
a special okonomiyaki ready for you!"
"Great, Ucchan, I'm starved! Akane tried to cook again." He grimaced, sitting
down on a stool at the counter.
Mendo: Why would he be hungry if someone already cooked?
Tim: The joke is Akane CAN'T cook. She makes Graham's cooking look good
Graham: Yeah, she makes... HEY!!
"Well, here you go!" She served him a seafood okonomiyaki with his name
written in Ukyou's special sauce on the top.
Tim: Did somebody say- big lawsuit?
He started to greedily gobble up the meal, Ukyou hovering near by.
Mendo: So this Ukyo is an alien as well?
Tim: It's a figure of speech
Graham: I wouldn't doubt it, though
"You know, I saw a recipe for boiled piglet in a Chinese cook book. I wonder
how that would taste on okonomiyaki..."
"Hmm?" Ranma looked up with his mouth full, "Pig?"
"Un," Ukyou nodded, "Pity I don't cook Chinese cuisine. I wonder if Shampoo
has that on her menu, because I'd like to try it!" she lied happily.
Ranma nodded, "Yeah, maybe I'll go ask her, after I finish this." He
continued to stuff himself with okonomiyaki.
Ukyou smiled and nodded, watching him eat. <Soon, you'll be mine, Ran-chan...>
Mendo: Sounds like me, plotting to get Lum
(Tim and Graham look at him stunned)
Tim: He admitted it!
Graham: If I hadn't heard it I wouldn't believe it!
[Ukyou's bathroom]
When Ukyou came back upstairs, Ryouga was dressed and waiting. "You're sure
this will work?"
Graham: well there is a chance that they'll catch and kill you, but don't worry!
Ukyou nodded, "You just have to get Shampoo and the old bag out of the
Nekohanten while I grab the spice. Ran-chan's over there, probably asking
right now. Hmmm." She looked at him, "You'll have to lose the bandanna,
though. Cologne may realise who you are, otherwise. And maybe I'll have to
dye your hair a white or pink colour." Ukyou smiled, mischief in her eyes.
"What!? And look like some sort of blond gaijin!?"
Mendo: No, you'd look like my dinner
Tim: Hey, he's finally getting the hang of it!
"Remember, Ryouga, this is for Akane."
Mendo: No, It's for my dinner
Tim: I take back my previous statement...
He nodded miserably as Ukyou took out a bottle of hair dye and a bucket
of cold water, "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit!"
Tim: Ryouga's screams were then heard all the way to the Tendo dojo
[Outside the Nekohanten]
Ukyou dropped a little pink piglet outside the Nekohanten. Looking secretly
inside, she saw Shampoo going through a recipe book with Cologne. Ukyou
whispered, "Good luck, Ryouga-kun." Then she melted into the shadows of the
near by alley.
Tim: She's the incredible melting man! I mean woman!
Ryouga bukii!ed outside the resturant, making his squeal loud enough to be
heard. He ran around, just outside the door, hoping to be noticed. A high
pitched "Aiya! Buta!" came from inside the shop. Ryouga started to run.
Ukyou watched as the little pink piglet ran off, Shampoo chasing him. The
old ghoul pogoed out on her walking stick, "Shampoo! Wait! Don't bruise the
pig or it won't be tender!" Cologne followed after Shampoo. Ukyou took this
opportunity to slip into the shop... After a few moments, she headed back
to Ucchan's, holding a bottle.
[A few hours later]
A while later, the pink coloured P-chan ran into Ucchan's. <Amazing he found
his way here!> thought Ukyou. She picked him up and hid him behind the
counter, just as Shampoo ran past. Cologne stopped at the door.
"Did you see a pig running by?" the old goat asked.
Mendo: I thought she was a ghoul, but now she's a goat?
Tim: Figurative usage, Mendo, She's an ugly old lady. Or a monkey, whichever.
Ukyou tilted her head to the side, "So THAT's what all that noise was! I
thought that Shampoo was just chasing Ran-chan again. If she's chasing a
pig, maybe she's found a suitable husband for her! Pity the pig wasn't
interested. I guess even pigs have some taste!"
Cologne scowled at Ukyou, "You are just jealous of Shampoo and muko-dono."
With that, Cologne hopped out to follow Shampoo.
Ryouga ran around on the floor at Ukyou's feet. "How could she even joke
about Shampoo marrying me!? Arrgh!" came out as a high pitched squeal,
along the lines of "Bukii, kiiii, bweeee, buki!"
"Urusee, Ryouga-kun!" Ukyou picked him up and took him upstairs to the
bathroom. She dropped him in the hot water. With a *splash*, a naked, pink
haired Ryouga sat up. Ukyou thrust a bottle of shampoo into his hands.
"I got the spice, so don't complain, Ryouga-kun. Soon you'll have Akane
for yourself."
Ryouga kept his mouth shut, glowering at Ukyou as he started to wash the pink
dye from his hair.
"Now all we need are Ran-chan and Akane to come over here for a meal. And
they are already coming over tonight. Well, I think that Akane will be, as
she usually follows Ran-chan." Ukyou watched him as he got out of the bath,
blushing and trying to hide himself. He splashed a bucket of hot bath water
over his head, washing away the shampoo.
The hot water ran down his body, highlighting his muscles. The water gleamed
as it caught the light from the window, almost making Ryouga's skin sparkle.
The body of a martial artist, Ryouga's muscles were not too big. His body was
firm and well proportioned... She gazed at him, almost wishing he was a
sculpture to view. <So much like Ran-chan's physique,> she thought. She gave
a soft sigh.
Mendo: Is this author a pervert?
Graham: do you have to ask?
As the pink dye washed out, Ryouga heard Ukyou's sigh, and turned to her,
"Nan da?" He saw her and how she was staring at him and froze, his face
turning a deep shade of red. "U...Uk...Ukyou-san!"
Ukyou blinked a little and looked up at his face, his hair black once again.
"Gomen, Ryouga-kun..." She smiled. <If everything works out, Akane's going
to be one lucky girl! He's loyal and devoted and cute... and *so* sexy!> She
leaned forward and pushed lightly at his shoulder, breaking his balance. He
fell with a *SPLASH* back into the bath. "I'm going to wait downstairs for
Ran-chan and Akane to come over. Come downstairs when you're dressed!" She
smiled and left the room, leaving Ryouga spluttering in the bath.
[Back in the okonomiyaki-ya]
Ryouga sat at a corner of the counter as Ukyou spiked her special sauce with
the passion spice. As she stirred it in, Ranma and Akane entered.
"Hi Ucchan! Your cooking saved my life yesterday!"
Tim: I thought it was earlier that afternoon (checks text) It never says a day went past, I was right!
Ukyou smiled as Akane hit Ranma over the head with a nearby chair. "Any time,
Ran-chan."
Graham: Ukyo's a sadist?
Tim: I doubt that as little as I doubt she's a girl
"Ranma no baka," Akane muttered, putting the remains of the chair back in place. She stomped over to the counter and sat next to Ryouga. "Hi,
Ryouga-kun." Akane said and smiled at him. <At least Ryouga likes my
cooking! See if I ever try to be nice to Ranma, ever again!>
At Akane's smile, Ryouga's heartbeat sped up and he nervously snapped a pair
of chopsticks in half. "A...Akane-san!"
Graham: Nosebleed in three..two..
Ranma glared at Ryouga and dropped into the chair next to Akane. "Can't handle
the truth, irokeganee onna?"
Graham: What'd he say, Tim?
Tim: He was insulting her by calling her a sexless girl
Akane ignored Ranma, turning to glare at the counter in front of her.
Mendo: Why should she glare at the table if she's mad at this Ranma person?
(They Hammer Mendo)
Ukyou poured the special sauce on the four okonomiyaki, and served them to
everyone. For some strange reason, the restaurant had cleared when a certain
chair had hit a certain pig-tailed boy's head. <Well, I guess it's best that
way. No-one else to mess up the magic.>
Tim: She's surprised the restaurant cleared when a fight started. Of course this IS Nerima
Ranma, as per normal, grabbed the okonomiyaki and stuffed it in his mouth.
Akane took a bit of hers, eating it more delicately. Both Ukyou and Ryouga ate
a little of theirs.
<I've got to get Ran-chan alone before the spice takes effect,> Ukyou thought,
<And that way Ryouga'll be left with Akane... And everyone'll be happy!> She
leaned over to Ryouga whispering, "I'll take Ran-chan and leave you with
Akane."
Ryouga blinked, "But what do I do?"
"Just stay with her, and the spice'll do the rest," she whispered back.
While Ukyou and Ryouga whispered, Akane turned to glare at Ranma, "You eat
like a pig!"
"Just because I appreciate good food! If you think I eat like a pig, it's no
wonder you feed me that pig slop you call cooking!"
Tim: I'd say something about P-chan, but it would probably detract
"What!? I try my best and all you can do is insult me!"
"It's only the truth!" He glared at her. All of a sudden the look in Ranma's
eyes changed. His eyes went blank and he fell forward, his face planted on the
counter.
"Ranma! Quit fooling arou..." Akane stopped, her eyes going blank. After a
moment, she fainted.
Mendo: I wasn't aware passion spice had such effects.
Tim: It doesn't (Hammers Mendo, makes another tally)
Ryouga and Ukyou both looked up, "Akane!" Ryouga cried out...then he promptly
fainted as well.
<What the...? Is passion spice meant to do that?> Ukyou thought. She reached
out to grab the bottle... then collapsed at the counter with the others.
[Early evening]
Ranma sat up, his head spinning, "Itetetetetetete." He clutched his aching
head, waiting for the feeling to subside. <I don't remember drinking anything
last night!> Eventually he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in
Ucchan's, and Akane, Ukyou and Ryouga were sprawled over the counter.
<Itai...> He reached over to Akane and gently shook her shoulder, "Akane?
Daijoubu?"
Tim: (cutting Graham off) Oww, and, Akane, are you alright?
Akane groaned, sitting up. "Ranma?" she managed to ask after the pain
subsided. She looked at him, noticing a strange look in his eyes. "Nani yo?"
Ranma reached out and wrapped his arms around her, "Akane."
Akane blinked and tried to think of a reason to punch him off her. For some
reason, she couldn't think of one. She wrapped her arms around him, "Ranma."
Ranma sat there holding her, wondering what on earth he was doing. But he held
onto her, actually enjoying not being hit by her for a change... And she felt
so nice to hold. <Maybe I should have done this before? But she was always
hitting me... What possessed me to do this now?>
Tim: A poultergeist?
Graham: a poultrygeist?
Mendo: I can't think of anything
(Tim WHAM-BAM-GOODBYE's Mendo back to Earth)
Graham: Finally!
Akane sat in his arms, wondering what to do. <He hasn't insulted me, yet.
What the heck's gotten into him?> She wondered about letting go and sitting
up, but she continued to hold him, enjoying the moment. <After all, it may
not last long.>
Suddenly Ranma was filled with the longing to kiss her. He looked down, his
thoughts, unbidden as usual, going straight from his brain to his mouth,
"Kawaii."
Tim: Brain frying, circuits overloading. Ranma actually called her cute!
Akane blinked, looking up. <Did I hear right?> As she stared up, she found
her face close to his... And let herself drift closer... Until their lips
met.
Ranma closed his eyes as he kissed her, Akane responding to the kiss. They
held each other tighter, both exploring the experience. Ranma instinctively
parted his lips, Akane following suit. Their tongues began to probe each
other's mouths as they kissed, moving in soft flicking motions.
Graham: MAX'd love to see this
Tim: He can, I'm recording each session in here
Ukyou sat up, the pain of her headache showing in her face. She pressed her
hand to her forehead and opened her eyes. Ryouga was still out. She shook
her head, trying to clear it. "What hit me?" she wondered, then hit Ryouga
over the head, "Oi! Wake up!"
Both: Oi! Again with the waking!
Ryouga groaned and sat up, "What did you do that for!?" He glared at Ukyou.
He winced a little in pain, then looked around and saw Ranma and Akane
kissing. He blinked, "N...nan da?!" He yanked at Ukyou's top and turned her
head towards the couple.
Tim: To be her bra.. oh yeah, she binds her breasts, damnit.
Ukyou stared, "They're... kissing?"
Graham: No, they're taking an oral exam, of course they're kissing!
For some reason, neither Ukyou nor Ryouga were able to work up enough anger
to attack, or even break up Ranma and Akane. They both just sat and stared
completely stunned.
Tim: I knew they had a vouyeristic side, especially ryoga
"I guess Akane has always loved Ranma more than me," Ryouga murmured. <No!
What is this? Ryouga, fight!> cried a small part of his mind. Ryouga ignored
it and just looked sadly at the two.
Ukyou gave a soft sigh, "And I'll never be more than a friend to Ran-chan."
She was ignoring the small part of her mind. <Ukyou! Break them up! Get
Ran-chan for yourself!> She shook her head, "What's happened to us?"
Ryouga gave a half shrug. "I guess it was that spice..." He picked up the
bottle and looked at it, "It's labelled 'The Path of the True Way'" He
frowned, "When did I learn Chinese? I thought the only kanji from the label
that I could read was 'spice'!"
Graham: I don't remember him reading the label
Tim: offscreen event, like that shower seen with me and Tigris in Fineday three
Graham: WHAT?
Tim: Nevermind man, just yanking your chain. It was in Fineday two
Graham: You- You're kidding, right?
Tim: Only me, Tigris, and her hairdresser know for sure.
Ukyou frowned too, "I must have taken the wrong bottle in my rush. I was sure
that the kanji for 'passion' was on the label. I must have grabbed the bottle
next to the passion spice! Hrmmmmm... 'The Path of the True Way'? The way
things are meant to be... No wonder o-baba never used this before... Now
there's no hope for Shampoo."
Graham: I would have at least CHECKED the label after I grabbed it.
Tim: Not to mention there never was any hope for Shampoo to begin with. And you would've eaten it straight away if it looked good Graham. And it wouldn't matter if you were cooking. It'd blow up withing seconds anyways.
Ryouga nodded, "She will just have to get over him. Let's go, Ukyou-san.
Leave them alone for a while." He could sense their destinies. It was
hopeless to try to change things. He stood up and smiled a little at Ukyou.
She nodded, taking the bottle from Ryouga, then took his hand. "Lead the way,
Ryouga-kun." She smiled as he blushed, but he still managed to find his way
to the door. They stopped and looked back at Ranma and Akane.
Ranma broke the kiss, looking up at them, "Thank you..." <They understand. I
think we all do.>
Graham: I don't!
Tim: Graham, they ate a spice that made them see the truth. Screwed up, but clearly spelled out in the fic
Akane smiled, "Take care. We'll see you again, soon."
"Ja, ne," said Ryouga, while Ukyou waved. Then they left the restaurant.
Ukyou called, "Close the restaurant for me!" Soon, with Ryouga leading the
way, they were lost.
[The Nekohanten]
Cologne went through her kitchen, cooking up ramen for the customers. She
frowned, noticing her secret store of magical ingredients was in disarray.
<Shampoo wouldn't make such a mess like this...> She started putting the
ingredients back in order... Suddenly she stopped. "The True Way spice...
Masaka!" She hopped out of the kitchen to find Shampoo, ignoring Mousse as
he scrubbed the floor.
Tim: With what, his tongue?
[Nerima]
Graham: They were already IN Nerima!
Ranma and Akane wandered home, holding hands, after closing Ucchan's. Ranma
smiled at Akane, "You know... I think we should get married."
Tim: That was fast
Akane smiled back, her face shining with happiness, "Un. Let's tell the
family!" They continued walking home, "But break it to them gently."
[Somewhere in a forest]
Ukyou sat by the campfire next to Ryouga. She stared into the fire, a soft
smile on her face, "I wonder how the Kunous'll react to all of this?"
Ryouga shook his head, "Feh, it probably won't change a thing for them.
Kunou's too stupid, and his sister is insane."
Ukyou nodded, "Yeah, I guess that'd be right. I can't imagine them ever
stopping their craziness." She leaned against Ryouga, leaning her head against
his shoulder, "But... you never know."
Ryouga blushingly let an arm slip around her shoulder. <What about Akari?>
He asked himself, but he knew the answer. "I think we know. And we know about
Konatsu and Akari..."
Ukyou nodded, smiling, "They will be the ones for us... But just for now..."
She trailed off, the reached up and kissed him full on the lips, her eyes
closing. He kissed back, blushing furiously but enjoying the kiss.
[Outside the Nekohanten]
Shampoo looked up, "What wrong, hiibaa-chan?"
"You didn't touch the magic spices, did you?"
Shampoo shook her empty head. It rattled.
Tim and Graham: Dare to be Stupid! Dare to be stupid!
Cologne's frown deepened, "Quick, Shampoo. We must find muko-dono... Fast!"
[The Tendou Doujou]
Nabiki, Kasumi, Souun, Genma-panda and Nodoka were gathered in the family
room. Ranma looked at them, then turned to look at Akane. She nodded, smiling
at him. Ranma turned to the group. "Akane and I have an announcement to make."
Genma butted in, "That you will marry Akane!?"
Akane nodded, "Correct."
Everyone but Kasumi stared in shock... then face-faulted. Kasumi smiled
sweetly.
Ranma laughed and took Akane's hand, "What happened to 'breaking it to them
gently'?"
Tim: I think it got lost somewhere with our sense of reality
Akane shrugged and giggled, but said nothing.
[Nerima]
Shampoo and Cologne sped through the streets of Nerima, searching desperately
for Ranma, hoping to stop him from touching the spice. It may only be
temporary, but the damage could be done quickly.
Graham: Like an instant A-bomb?
Tim: More like your cooking. Only there for a moment and plenty of damage done
"Ranma!" called Shampoo, running towards the Tendou Doujou.
[The Tendou Doujou]
Ranma kneeled on a low dais, next to Akane, in the middle of the doujou. A
Japanese screen, covered with beautiful designs, for luck, was behind them.
<Everything done in 52 seconds!? That must be a world record for wedding
preparations!>
Tim: No the record is .00001 seconds. When I pulled that wedding hall out of my sleeve, remember?
Graham: Yeah, but who got married?
Tim: No one, but the wedding hall gave us sort of an excuse for a bachelor party, at least.
He was dressed in a traditonal black wedding outfit - black
hakama and a black montsuki. Under it was a dark kimono, then a white one.
The montsuki was held closed by a white tassel. The dark outfit suited him,
making him look very handsome.
Graham: I don't know, and I don't think I wanna know
He looked around the room. It was festooned with streamers and other
decorations. A large sign said 'Congratulations on Akane and Ranma's Wedding.'
Souun was crying floods of tears and helping prepare the special cup of sake.
Genma stood nearby, throwing rice around. Nabiki, Nodoka and Kasumi were
ready with the special wedding banquet.
Akane smiled over at Ranma. She was dressed in an expensive white silk wedding
outfit, a white, three layered kimono. Small silver and gold designs of cranes
decorated the outer kimono. It flowed to the floor, folded back at her feet
and trailed to the floor behind her. The sleeves were long, almost reaching
to the floor. The kimono was held together by a decorative knot which let the
two other kimono be displayed. Both sat just so, the middle kimono turning
red at her feet, where the outer kimono parted. The tsunokakushi sat on her
head, covering her short, black hair. She was a stunningly beautiful bride.
<We are to be married. Oh, Ranma...>
Tim: I saw twice the descriptive lines for Akane than for Ranma, no playing favorites now! Not to mention considering volume 38, It's more likely that they would have a western wedding like in Kunoichi's other story, Ranma Nibunnoichi
Souun held out the special three cups of sake, impatient for his daughter and
Ranma to be wed. Genma stood with him, his wife close by, watching their son.
Kasumi and Nabiki waited, watching the couple.
Ranma cleared his throat, then said, "I declare my love for Akane, before you
all. I will be a good husband to her, looking after her and cherishing her
forever. Although we will fight, my heart belongs to her. No-one else will
tempt me from her. Together, we will carry on the doujou... Because I love
you, Akane."
Akane smiled into Ranma's eyes, "And I love you, Ranma. For you, I shall be
the best wife I can be, and always stand by you. You have my heart... And I
give you myself. We shall be together, forever... The wishes of our parents
will be fulfilled... as will my wish to be your wife, Ranma."
Tim: Barf bags ready! And GO!
(They barf at the soap opera lines)
The family worked their way through the wedding ceremony, both the bride and
groom taking turns to sip the sake from the three cups, declaring their love.
As the ceremony came to a conclusion, Souun was already crying floods to
tears. Both families were overjoyed at the marriage of the couple, everyone
knowing that their love was true.
Ranma looked at his wife and smiled. He moved over to her, taking her in his
arms. Softly he whispered, "Suki da, Akane."
Akane smiled back, "Atashi mo, Ranma." She leaned up to him and their lips
met. Suddenly, fireworks and firecrackers were let off and the whole family
started celebrating. "To Ranma and Akane Saotome, and to the Musabetsu Kakuto
Saotome Ryuu To Tendou Ryuu!"
It was then that Shampoo burst in through a wall, wielding her bonbori. "Get
away from Shampoo's groom!"
Akane stopped kissing Ranma and looked up, "It is the way things are, Shampoo.
I am now Akane Saotome, wife of Ranma. You have to look for a new love."
Graham: Plus a brain, you might try asking Victor Von Frankenstein
Tim: Or Oscar, lord knows his has never been used
Ranma nodded, "I love Akane, Shampoo. I'm sorry, but I never loved you the
way you wanted me to. You can never be anything more than a friend to me."
Shampoo stared in shock, dropping her bonbori, "So...Sona! Ranma!"
Ranma stood up, taking Akane's hand. He turned away from Shampoo, leading
Akane back to the house.
"Noooooooooo! Ranma!" Shampoo called, collapsing to the floor. She started
crying, "Shampoo will kill Akane!"
At this, Nodoka shook her head, "You will do no such thing." As Shampoo moved
to stand, still crying about how she would murder Akane, Nodoka hit her over
the head with the hilt of her katana.Shampoo fell back to the floor, out cold.
With that, Souun poured cold water over her, then stuck her in a box that
Genma had prepared. He then taped the box shut while Nabiki stuck stamps on it
and addressed it. Kasumi took the package and wandered off to post it.
Tim: When did Nodoka show up? And why would Kasumi deliver it? They'd leave it for the mailman or something
"Oh my. I hope she likes the Mohabe Desert."
[Somewhere in a forest]
Ukyou slept in Ryouga's arms, Ryouga himself sleeping next to the dying
campfire.
[The Nekohanten]
Mousse sat in the Nekohanten, polishing his glasses and wondering where
Shampoo and Cologne had gotten to. It was getting late.
Graham: I get another image of mousse going through Shampoo's things during that time
[Nerima]
Cologne finished searching Nerima. Finding nothing, she headed for the Doujou.
[The Tendou-ke]
Ranma led Akane to her room and sat down on the bed, next to her. He smiled
and took off her tsunokakushi, "No matter what happens, remember the truth is
that I love you."
She smiled back up at him, her smile warming his heart, "And I love you."
Pressing close to him, she kissed him deeply.
Slowly, Ranma caressed her back and neck as they kissed with a tender passion.
He held her close, enjoying having his love in his arms. He felt her arms
around him, her small hands running up and down his back.
Akane felt Ranma's hands work down her back, then slide down around her waist
to her hips. <Oh, Ranma... Ureshii...> she thought, leaning back a little.
He followed her lean to continue kissing her sweet lips. Letting his hands
slide around to her stomach, then upwards until he found the intricate knot,
holding her kimono closed. Slowly he undid it, never breaking the kiss.
The second kimono was revealed as Ranma slid the outer kimono from around his
new wife, almost carelessly letting it flutter to the floor. Akane helped him
undo the next kimono, then the third. A soft pile of beautiful silk formed on
the floor, the tsunokakushi dropping on top.
Graham: GET ON WITH IT DAMNIT!
Tim: Graham, calm down and be patient
As Ranma stopped to gaze at her, she undressed him, undoing his montsuki. Hiskimono quickly following, adding to the pile of silk. Akane worked at the
hakama. She was only dressed in small, wispy pieces of silk and lace, an
outfit Happousai would be blessed to ever see once in his life time! The
material clung to her body, revealing how sexy her figure actually was, when
she took the effort to look alluring. Her breasts were covered in the fabric,
pulled taut to show off her sleek curves. It moulded to her skin, over her
thin waist, then down to hide her sex. It left most of her skin bare, showing
off more cleavage than Ranma actually realised she had. Her smooth, well
shaped legs looked even longer as the outfit was extremely high cut. Small
swirl patterns of pretty lace was sewn into the silk, letting tiny spots of
her vibrant skin show through. Ranma gulped.
Akane gave a smile, mischief glowing in her eyes. She removed Ranma's hakama,
then leaned back on the bed, gazing back at him. He was dressed only in a
pair of yellow boxers with blue edging. Her eyes ran over the well toned
muscles of his arms and chest, slowly working down to his washboard stomach.
She let her eyes linger on the large lump in his boxers. "Ranma..." she
whispered, "I'm all yours, tonight..."
Tim: As opposed to the next night when I'll be working for an escort service. I'm sorry, I had to say that.
Ranma's eyes followed her gaze, blushing a little. "Akane..." he whispered
back. Then he lowered his boxer shorts, kicking them to the floor, joining
the pile of black and white silk by the bed.
Moving up a little, Akane reached out and took his hand, her eyes running back
up to his face from his hardened manhood. She kissed his fingertips, then she
licked them. "Ranma... My husband..."
Graham: Kissed his fingertips?
Tim: She spent extra time on his eleventh finger.
Ranma moaned softly, his excitement growing. He reached out and ran his hands
over her breasts, then slid them down her sides, and, finding a zip, undid
her lingerie. It practically fell from her, sliding off her sleek form. Her
well formed breasts, perky pink nipples already hard... Her flat, smooth
stomach... the delta of dark hair at her sex... He moved a hand down to part
her legs, gently, wanting to gaze at her, fully. "My wife... oh, so sexy..."
he managed to moan.
Akane lifted her hands to wrap around his neck, "Be gentle, Ranma..." She
lifted her face to his and kissed him again, deeply and passionately. He
responded, pressing his body down against her, his hand exploring her...
Suddenly the door opened with a thud and Cologne hopped into the room, "What
have you done!?" She stared at the naked newlyweds who were quickly trying to
cover themselves with a bedsheet. "Where's Shampoo?"
Graham: Doesn't she know that if the Dojo's rockin', Don't come'a knockin'?
Tim: She didn't knock.
Ranma glared at her, but still blushed deeply, "She's not here! And, I'm
telling you once and for all! Get out of here and leave us alone. I'm married
to Akane, and there's no way in any future that I'll marry Shampoo. We all
know, so give it up, ghoul!"
Akane nodded, hiding herself behind Ranma, still half under his body. "We
know the truth. You know it, too. Nothing that happens will change this."
Tim: Spoken like a true... Something.
Cologne glared, grinding her teeth. <They're right! What will become of
Shampoo? She will never accept this...> "Where's Shampoo? I have to look
after her through this... We can't even go back to China, not with this
loss of honour."
Graham: They had honor?
Tim: News to me.
"On her way to the Mohabe Desert," Nabiki said, leaning in through the door,
the glass, reserved for listening through walls, in her hand hidden behind
her back.
Tim: You mean Mojabe, I think.
"Ack!" Ranma blushed harder.
"Oneechan!"
Cologne glowered then turned and hopped out of the room.
Nabiki grinned, "Sorry, but you know how things are... We have to know if you
two're going to go through with it!"
Tim: They just wanna hear them having sex.
Akane threw a pillow at her, "No more listening, oneechan!"
Nabiki laughed, dodging the pillow, then shut the door behind her, joining
the rest of the family who were in the hallway, half of whom were also holding
listening glasses. Genma, however, being better prepared than the others, was
holding a stethoscope.
Graham: Filched it from Tofu's did he?
[The Nekohanten]
Mousse continued to wait in the Nekohanten.
Tim: That was pointless
[Over the sea]
Shampoo-neko slept in the box as it made its way to the Mohabe Desert.
[Akane's bedroom]
The newlyweds enjoyed spending their first night together in passion and love,
their love making filled with tenderness... Eventually falling asleep as the
sun began to rise, both holding each other in a loving, intimate embrace.
Tim: I must say, that would require considerable stamina
[Somewhere in a forest]
Ukyou yawned, sitting up. She turned and looked at the sleeping Ryouga, then
frowned. <I *let* Ran-chan and Akane...?> She ran a hand through her hair,
"Dammit! I remember, but I can't accept it! Oi, Ryouga!"
Ryouga blinked, sitting up, "Nan da?" He looked at Ukyou for a moment, then
his eyes went wide, "They kissed!! How could that yarou lay his hands on my
beloved Akane-san!?"
Tim: Simple, he moved his hands forward and then brought them closer together while Akane was between them, then they touched their lips together.
Graham: HEY! Gimme a chance to comment why dontcha?
"We'll have to get back and stop them, Ryouga-kun!" Ukyou stood up and
quickly cleared the camp. <And I *made* Ryouga get us both lost, just to
give them time together!>
Ryouga got up and helped Ukyou, eventually following her back towards Nerima.
[The Mohabe Desert]
Shampoo-neko yowled miserably, sitting in the burning sands. <Ranma! I love
you!>
[Akane's bedroom]
Ranma sat up at the sound of a scream.
"Hentai!!!"
He was awoken by something hitting him in the face, and the resultant meeting
of the back of his head with a wall. He groaned in pain and pressed his hands
to the slap mark on his face. "Nan da, Akane!?" He opened an eye. <Hmm.
Akane's bedroom. Akane on the bed.> He shook his head and then focused both
eyes on Akane. <She's covering herself with sheets. I wonder why?>
"Get dressed, sukebe!" Akane yelled, trying to hide further under the sheets.
<We couldn't have done *that*... could we?> Her mind grappled, trying to
recall yesterday's events. <A wedding? No, I must have dreamed of marrying
him...>
Tim: yet even if it was a dream, it proves that she loves him. So moot point.
Ranma jumped up, then blinked as he noticed he was naked. He acked and grabbed
the nearest thing to cover himself with. Then it hit him. <Akane's naked under
the sheets!> He stared at her in shock. Another thought worked its way into
his brain. <Last night?> The wheels in his mind slowly turned accompanied by
a grinding screech, a cloud of dust and a bunch of surprised moths.
Graham: C'mon, Ranma's naïve, not stupid!
Tim: Ya, that only happens with really stupid stuff anyway, like eggplants, Dracria, and certain fanfic writing hermaphrodites I could mention.
Akane looked around the room. <Those clothes... Ranma's holding a
tsunokakushi! Is it true?> She pointed at the clothing. "Wedding clothes...
It... wasn't a dream?"
Ranma stared, remembering. He gulped, "And we really did... m... make... l...
lo... ack... *that*? It wasn't a dream?!"
Tim: No, and I've got video to prove it, as long as there's some still in stock...
They both coloured deeply, staring.
[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya]
Akari turned up at Ucchan's, "Anou, have you seen Ryouga-sama?"
Konatsu, the bishonen kunoichi, dressed in a girl's kimono and an apron
bearing the word 'Ucchan', shook his head. He smiled, looking very much like
a beautiful girl, "But I'm sure he'll come around eventually. He always turns
up when you least expect him!"
Graham: Like when you're in the shower, or tweezing your private areas or...
Tim: You'll stop now.
Akari nodded and sat down on a stool, looking at the menu. All of a sudden,
Ukyou burst in, "Where's Ran-chan?"
Ryouga followed, "And Akane-san?"
Akari smiled brightly, "Ryouga-sama!"
Ryouga stopped and blinked, "A-akari-chan!" <I'm meant to be with her, aren't
I?> a part of himself thought. He started blushing a little.
Graham: Only a little? He'd be redder than blood seeing a girl he liked!
"Ranma? He's not here," Konatsu smiled happily at Ukyou, the pretty red
lipstick matching the flower in his long hair, highlighting his glorious
smile.
Ukyou stopped. <Konatsu... I remember how things should be...> She sighed a
little, <But I still must try to find Ran-chan.>
Tim: Goddamnit! Your reality's not bad, don't change it!!!
At that moment Akane rushed through the door, "What did you feed us last
night!? I *know* things that... are strange! Like I knew to find you here,
and I how Ranma and I..."
Tim: Made love like bunnies until we passed out from exhaustion only a few hours before
"A-akane-san!" Ryouga said, still blushing.
Ranma entered, still sporting the bruise from Akane's slap. "And you two must
know, too."
Akari and Konatsu looked confused, making them look especially feminine and
cute.
Ukyou sighed, "Something that shows the truth... You two haven't... yet?"
At this, Ryouga looked up, consternation written all over his face.
Akane looked at Ranma, both of them looking uncomfortable.
"You did!?" cried Ryouga.
Both Ranma and Akane nodded slowly.
Ukyou sighed, feeling the pain of loss, even though she knew this was going
to happen. The small spark of hope faded.
The pain ripped through Ryouga, even though he, too, knew. He grabbed his
head with both hands, "Nooooooooo!!"
Akari stared, but moved forward to try to comfort Ryouga, having no idea
what was wrong, "Ryouga-sama!"
Konatsu shook his head, his long ponytail swinging, "What is it?"
Ranma looked at Akane for a moment, then looked down, "Akane and I are
married." The he muttered, "And I finally found out I'm in love with a
violent, kawaikunee, irokeganee tomboy."
Tim: Wrong thing to say, man. Absolute WRONG!
Akane growled,punching him up, out of the restaurant through the new skylight,
made by Ranma's head. Then she blinked, suddenly realising what he'd said
before the insult. "And... I love that insensitive, sex-changing jerk." She
muttered, then quickly turned on her heels, running off to find Ranma at the
other end of his parabolic arc of flight.
Tim: i'd say it was a more angled flight, since he hit our satellite awhile ago.
Time seemed to freeze for those in the restaurant... Ryouga and Ukyou knowing
that they will be happy in the future, but letting the pain fill them for
now... Konatsu at Ukyou's side, Akari looking after Ryouga... Both filled
with hope for a bright future with the ones they love, not knowing...
Graham: That margaret was relly keith's mother and Mary Jo Beth was actually Thurston, her Fiancee's sex changed brother.
Tim: That was sick, that was demented, it was perverted. In others words, perfect for daytime TV!
[The river]
A female Ranma clambered out of the river where she had landed. She squeezed
the water out of her hair and clothes. "Feh, I only told people how I feel
for my iinazuke... I mean 'wife'... And she hits me!" Ranma was not used to
the word 'wife' for Akane. She sighed.
"I... I know, Ranma... but..."
Ranma looked over at the voice. Akane stood there, looking uncomfortable.
"Well... I guess it can't be helped," onna Ranma said. She moved to Akane and
took her hand, "Let's go home."
Akane smiled softly, nodding, then they set off to the doujou.
[A year later]
Kodachi and Mousse sat down together, along with Akari and Ryouga, Ukyou and
Konatsu, Azusa and Tsubasa, Nabiki and Kunou, Asuka and Mikado, and Akane and
Ranma. The last year had changed them all, some in little ways, some more
comprehensively.
Tim: Like the fact that Mousse had that sex change operation and that Kodachi was now on medication, and...
Graham: So what about Shampoo, did she marry a camel or something?
Mousse had been captured by the insane Kodachi after she heard about Akane
and Ranma's wedding, in a vain hope of winning Ranma back... but her plan
failed completely... She was still as crazy as ever, but her affections had
changed. Mousse had lost his glasses while he was being kidnapped, and had
thought that she was Shampoo for a long time! But when he eventually found
out who she really was, he was in love with her. Sometimes he wondered where
Shampoo was, but he knew, deep inside, that she had left him for good.
Ryouga had calmed down, over time, with Akari's help. He could never
completely forget about Akane, but he was happy loving Akari. Akari, on the
other hand, had not changed at all. She was still sweet and innocent, and she
still loved Ryouga and pigs. They had talked things over, and were finally
engaged. The only thing stopping them from marrying was Ryouga's inability to
find the wedding hall.
Konatsu and Ukyou's appearances had not changed much at all. He still looked
like a stunningly beautiful girl, and she looked more and more like a guy.
One change was that Konatsu was getting paid more to work at Ucchan's... a
whole ten yen! But they were a happy, perfectly matched pair.
The other cross-dresser in the group had been 'acquired' by Azusa. He looked
far too cute in a dress for his own good! Tsubasa, now known as 'Eliza', was
happy to be cute for cute girls... And Azusa was *the* cutest! Azusa, for her
part, was just happy to have a 'pet' who could talk with her, rather than
just sit there, or try to run away.
Tim: Or try to eat her, bite her, or squeeze her to a painful agonizing death.
Graham: Which reminds me, operation "Bunny" is ready. She'll like this suprise!
Tatewaki was still as dense as ever, but Nabiki had wormed her way into his
heart (not to mention his wallet!) when she had knocked him out after he
tried to kill Ranma for marrying Akane. A well placed plate of Akane's cooking
over his head did wonders!
Graham: why is it that bludgeoning always works, even when stuff like the dragon spiral won't?
Tim: Rule three of Anime. Any bludgeoning device, no matter how weak the user, or how tough the defender, shall always be successful in dealing massive amounts of Damage to the defender.
Asuka the White Lily had come back early to challenge Kodachi with her latest
man. Unfortunately his girlfriend had found him and taken him home. It was
then that she had met Mikado. He was perfect to beat Kodachi, so she had
captured him for herself. Mikado just went along with her because she was a
cute... interesting woman he hadn't kissed yet. Unfortunately for him, he met
with a love potion gas in a bunch of white lilies... Both Kodachi and Asuka
were still trying to convince the other that their boyfriend was the cutest.
Graham: They're Pathetic.
Tim: look who's talking, Mr. Shrine-to-my-girlfriend
Ranma and Akane, despite all their fights, were happily married. They sat
close together, enjoying a sweet moment between their arguments... But these
moment were getting longer, the fights further and further apart...
Graham: And the sex more and more frequent
Tim: HEY, I was gonna say that!
Graham: I know, revenge is mine!
"Thanks for coming to celebrate our wedding anniversary," Ranma said, "I
guess we're all ready for the food!"
Akane elbowed him, "Don't be so impatient! Oh, here's oneechan."
Ranma coughed and looked around, "Well, before the food, I'd like to say
congratulations for Toufuu-sensei and Kasumi-oneechan's engagement!"
Kasumi looked sweet and smiled at everyone, "Maa..."
Toufuu followed her in, blushing, a hand behind his head. His glasses were
still fogged. He looked like he was about to break into a chorus of 'zun
cha cha' any second, although he was learning to control himself.
"Congratulations!"
"Oh, that's wonderful!"
"I'm so happy for you!"
The congratulations and well-wishes poured out as Kasumi and Toufuu served
the food. Genma, Nodoka, Souun and most of the people Ranma and Akane had
ever met joined the party.
Tim: Including that guy in the background in chapter forty two, and the guy who dumped the water on Ranma in the first volume, and the old lady watering the sidewalk, and the gal from episode fourteen with the pink dress and the missile launcher...
Everyone, it seemed, was happy.
[The Mohabe Desert]
A small pink-purple cat with an old prune-like woman on a stick ran and
pogoed, respectively, through the sand. The cat was yowling pitifully. Behind
the pair ran twin Chinese girls, attacking them with various plants, poisons,
gases and 'medicines'... Rink and Pink would never give up until they killed
their arch-rival, the girl who had beaten up the innocent one of the twins
for the other's deeds. They *WOULD* get her back for the thousands of beatings
since that time. "Kill! We kill Shampoo! Over!"
The cat and ghoul ran off into the everlasting sunset, the twins chasing
them...
Tim: Yep, everybody's happy...
A small package landed in the desert sands. The description on the air mail
sticker read : 'One decrepit, old hentai. Do NOT open!'
Tim: what, they send Clinton?
Graham: Not old enough.
Tim: Oh yeah, and they sent him to the bottom of the Atlantic
[The Tendou Doujou]
Back in Japan, the party went on through the night at the Saotome To Tendou
Doujou.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Extra special thanks to my two editors, Alex and Martin, for going over my
work and adding in all the extra silly lines. ^_^
Tim: I'll thank them, It made my work easier
This was a fun one to write, so I didn't take it too seriously. ^_^ Hope you
had fun reading it!
Tim: Hey, it's no big deal, I mean, I never take ANYTHING seriously
(The waiting room)
Tim: Hey Artlu, that actually was a pretty good fic, nice story, funny lines, and at least she TRIED to spell stuff right unlike Oscar.
(Artlu's place)
Artlu: Well I just didn't like it, too mushy for my tastes. And why did you punt the guest commentator halfway through the fanfic?
(Waiting room)
Graham: We didn't Punt him, we hammered him!
Tim: He was boring, nothin' good to say, next time, send up someone who will actually make good commentary, okay?
(Artlu's place)
Artlu: What, you want a good commentator? Get back that robot thing you had with you last time. Wait, he's on vacation or something. Okay, Okay, I'll do it, but just you wait, Tim someday I'll find the Fanfic to crush you!
(Waiting room)
Tim: and I'll be waiting to blast any and all fanfics you send me, until then SEEYA!
(hits transmission end button)
THE END
***
"And I finally found out I'm in love with a
violent, kawaikunee, irokeganee tomboy."
You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/
comments appreciated, flames laughed at.
---
Respond or PM for feedback, as the emails are quite conclusively dead.
Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim Jewett
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blasts the opening sequence with a missile)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?
Satellite of Lust, 6 PM
Graham: Another one?
Tim: Yeah, Artlu said he found another one he didn't like, so he's sending it up here.
Graham: Where's MAX? We can't do this without three people!
Tim: MAX is busy hunting down Oscar, so we won't be seeing him for a while. Artlu said he'd send up a guest commentator
Graham: Any clue as to who?
Mendo: Is the the "Satellite of Lust?
Tim: (in a kansas accent) naw, to get there you need to go past where the old barn used to be. (normal voice) Of course this is the SOL!
Mendo: Good, this will be televised right? I can't stand having to do this as a favor to Arthur Louis without at least being seen on TV.
Graham: Who?
Tim: He means Artlu, anyway let's head on in. I wanna get this done as quickly as possible
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ranma Nibunnoichi - Passion Spice ... ?
All characters portrayed in this fanfic are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi
and Shogakukan Inc, etc, etc, etc.
Graham: does anyone ever read those things?
Tim: Only the funny ones
NB. This has nothing to do with the Ranma Nibun No Ichi series!
Mendo: but it's in the title, Ranma Nibunnoichi!
Tim: It's another story of hers, Rich boy.
*Translations at the end of the story*
_______________________________________________________________________
Ryouga opened a sliding door and walked through it, his eyes down. <Ittai
koko wa doko da?> he thought, "ITTAI WA DOKO DA!?" He raised his face
skywards as he yelled, looking up at a ceiling.
Graham: WHAT?
Tim: Something about "where the hell am I"
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Hentai!!" came a woman's scream.
Mendo: Is she mad or scared?
Tim: Scared, there are 38 E's in her scream
Graham: She's mad too, but in a different way
Ryouga blinked, <Now where have I heard that voice before?> He turned
to the origin of the scream... and promptly fainted, a fountain of blood
splurting from his nose.
Mendo: Blood? Is he related to Morobishi?
Tim: I think he got six feet on that one, bob!
Graham: Oh, but his foot was on the line, so he's diqualified!
Mendo: What are you two commoners doing?
(they hammer Mendo)
Ukyou stared as Ryouga fainted, and lowered her spatula. "Ryouga-kun?" she
asked. He did not stir, so she sighed and stepped back into the bath,
sitting down to relax in the hot water. <Feh! One look at a naked body and
he keels over! What's the point in wanting to marry Akane when he wouldn't
be able to get through their wedding night conscious, let alone their
honeymoon!> She closed her eyes and relaxed, knowing Ryouga would be out
for a LONG time.
Tim: what's the point of chasing after a guy who, until he accidentally sliced your shirt in half, thought you were a guy and has expressed naught but fillial love since?
Graham: What did you just say?
Tim: I'm mocking Ukyo, she chases after Ranma as Ryouga does Akane
[One hour later]
Eventually Ukyou left the bath and dried herself with a towel, wrapping
another towel around her hair. She fastened the first towel around herself
and looked at Ryouga's sleeping form. <What on earth are we to do with you,
Ryouga-kun?> She shook her head and took a bucket of cold water, and splashed
it in his face...
Tim: Pork chops?
Graham: Shish Kabob?
Mendo: how about something elegant?
(They hammer Mendo)
Suddenly there was a very cute, little, black, spluttering pig in Ryouga's
place. It looked up, fearfully... but Ukyou was standing too close. P-chan
saw up her towel and fainted again.
Mendo: I bet Morobishi would love to be that pig
Tim: So would you. I myself would prefer to be the invisible man, don't ask why, or I'd have to tell you
Ukyou blinked with surprise, "Ryouga is P-chan?" She bent down and picked up
the little piglet by his collar, one of Ryouga's bandannas. <Akane sleeps
with Ryouga!> she thought, staring at the piglet in her hand. The pig lifted
out of Ryouga's clothes easily, and Ukyou shook her head again, "Jyusenkyou.
Figures. Well, it's time we had a little talk, Ryouga-kun." With that, she
dumped him in the bath.
Tim: I would suggest usage of drop in that sentence myself
Mendo: I would suggest you put me in that scene
(They hammer Mendo again and knock him out cold)
A moment later, a wet and naked Ryouga sat up in the bath, spluttering. "What
the - ?!"
Graham: He's not naked, he has his bandanna on!
Tim: Hentai = Ukyo, Ukyo = Hentai
Ukyou eyed him and he shut up, finally realising where he was. Not wanting a
spatula to the head, he waited for her to speak.
Tim: Ryouga could crush her with one hand, and he's afraid of a spatula?
"Sorry, Ryouga-kun, but this isn't the Tendou Doujou, and you're not going to
find Akane-chan here, any time soon."
Graham: Not unless Ranma comes here and she follows him.
Tim: Graham, you know that Ranma NEVER goes to Ucchan's!
"Errrrr, well. Sorry, Ukyou-san. Would you be able to give me directions?"
Tim: not like they'd help or anything, but...
Mendo: Ow, my head, hey she's still nude! And so is he!
Ukyou narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. <I wonder if he even realises
that I know who 'P-chan' is.> She shook her head again then looked into his
eyes, "I wonder what would happen if Akane-chan found out who P-chan really
is..."
Tim: The statement and posture indicate not only that she knows who P-chan is, but also that she is threatening to blackmail.
Ryouga's eyes clouded with fear, "N-nan da!? I... I'm not P-chan!!"
"Feh. Ryouga-kun, you've just given yourself away. I never accused you, did
I? Well... how do you plan on keeping this from her?"
Graham: By fainting halfway during any conversation they have?
Mendo: Is this boy that bad with women?
Tim: Nope, He's worse. Anyway he technically didn't give himself away, see my previous sentence above for why.
"You won't tell, will you?" he asked desperately, reaching out to grab her
hands, his expression pleading. "You know that I love her... I only want to
be held by her..." He trailed off and sighed, "But she only does that to me
as P-chan... Why am I so cursed?! It is all that damned Ranma's fault!! He
did this to me! He - "
*Clunk*
Mendo: Was that his brain shutting dowm?
Graham: Dunno, why?
Mendo: Morobishi's brain sounds like that when it shuts down.
Ukyou thumped him soundly over the head with her giant spatula. "Leave
Ran-chan out of this. He never put you in her arms as P-chan, now, did he?"
"Ummmm... Not exactly..."
Tim: See Graham, I told you, Ryouga's in the mess he's in cause of himself!
"Look, maybe we can do something to get you with Akane and myself with
Ran-chan... Hmmm... I know of a way, but I've never figured out how to get
the ingredient that I need. Do you think that you could use your cursed
form to create a diversion?"
Ryouga blinked, "I guess so... if you show me where to go. What is it you're
after?"
"I need to get the passion spice from Shampoo and o-baba. Ran-chan and
Akane will never suspect my okonomiyaki to be laced with magic, ne?"
Graham: Why would she want passion spice?
Tim: Same reason why Lum and Shinobu would want a love potion.
Mendo: Why would they need a love potion? I love them very much already
Tim: Graham, be ready with a desk, I've got the lightning covered
(They zap him with lightning and smash a desk over his head)
Tim: That was fer Lum and Shinobu, ya dumb jerk.
Ryouga nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well, I can suggest to them, through Ran-chan, that maybe whole boiled
piglet would be a nice meal..."
Graham: I prefer steamed duck myself
Mendo: Broiled rabbit is much better
Graham: Let's stick with duck.
Tim: How about some roast of Somerichguy? (draws his swords, and snickers in Mendo's direction)
"NO! I will NOT be put through that situation again!!" Old memories flooded
into his mind.
"Ryouga-kun, it's the only way to win Akane, you know. Ran-chan's not good
for her, and I'll keep him away so you can have Akane-chan for yourself..."
Tim: oh yeah, Ran-chan, it clogs your arteries like there no tomorrow
Graham: Plus it goes straight to your thighs
"The only way?" he asked in a small voice.
Tim: well you could tell her you loved her, but that would take courage.
Graham: Yup, this is the only way
Ukyou nodded.
"Then I will do it for Akane-san's sake!"
"Well, Ran-chan's coming over for some okonomiyaki soon, so I'll plant the
suggestion in his mind. Just hang around here till I'm finished, okay? I'm
sure he's going to go to the Nekohanten next." She stood up, <Well, let's
have a little fun, first. Ryouga's cute when he's fainted like that!> She
giggled a little and took the towel from her head, then, facing him, started
to undo the towel around her body.
"No! Ukyou-san!" Ryouga jumped out of the bath to try to stop her, trying to
avoid another nose bleed and fainting session. But he was too late. He only
succeeded in planting his face in her cleavage as she dropped the towel. He
cried out and fainted. Fortunately for Ukyou, he shoved two cotton balls up
his nose before he bled all over her.
Mendo: oh to have been in his place
Tim: For once, I agree with Medno
Graham: Same here. Let's hammer him!
(They hammer Mendo)
"Ryouga-kun, you'll have to get over this habit if you want to make Akane
happy." She admired his fainted, naked body for a moment, then went and got
dressed, leaving Ryouga to recover.
Mendo: What habit? Does he smoke, or drink?
Tim: Time to "Play Thor". BAKA! (Draws a battle hammer and hits Mendo)
[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya, later]
Ukyou smiled as she looked up, watching Ranma enter. "Hi, Ran-chan! I have
a special okonomiyaki ready for you!"
"Great, Ucchan, I'm starved! Akane tried to cook again." He grimaced, sitting
down on a stool at the counter.
Mendo: Why would he be hungry if someone already cooked?
Tim: The joke is Akane CAN'T cook. She makes Graham's cooking look good
Graham: Yeah, she makes... HEY!!
"Well, here you go!" She served him a seafood okonomiyaki with his name
written in Ukyou's special sauce on the top.
Tim: Did somebody say- big lawsuit?
He started to greedily gobble up the meal, Ukyou hovering near by.
Mendo: So this Ukyo is an alien as well?
Tim: It's a figure of speech
Graham: I wouldn't doubt it, though
"You know, I saw a recipe for boiled piglet in a Chinese cook book. I wonder
how that would taste on okonomiyaki..."
"Hmm?" Ranma looked up with his mouth full, "Pig?"
"Un," Ukyou nodded, "Pity I don't cook Chinese cuisine. I wonder if Shampoo
has that on her menu, because I'd like to try it!" she lied happily.
Ranma nodded, "Yeah, maybe I'll go ask her, after I finish this." He
continued to stuff himself with okonomiyaki.
Ukyou smiled and nodded, watching him eat. <Soon, you'll be mine, Ran-chan...>
Mendo: Sounds like me, plotting to get Lum
(Tim and Graham look at him stunned)
Tim: He admitted it!
Graham: If I hadn't heard it I wouldn't believe it!
[Ukyou's bathroom]
When Ukyou came back upstairs, Ryouga was dressed and waiting. "You're sure
this will work?"
Graham: well there is a chance that they'll catch and kill you, but don't worry!
Ukyou nodded, "You just have to get Shampoo and the old bag out of the
Nekohanten while I grab the spice. Ran-chan's over there, probably asking
right now. Hmmm." She looked at him, "You'll have to lose the bandanna,
though. Cologne may realise who you are, otherwise. And maybe I'll have to
dye your hair a white or pink colour." Ukyou smiled, mischief in her eyes.
"What!? And look like some sort of blond gaijin!?"
Mendo: No, you'd look like my dinner
Tim: Hey, he's finally getting the hang of it!
"Remember, Ryouga, this is for Akane."
Mendo: No, It's for my dinner
Tim: I take back my previous statement...
He nodded miserably as Ukyou took out a bottle of hair dye and a bucket
of cold water, "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit!"
Tim: Ryouga's screams were then heard all the way to the Tendo dojo
[Outside the Nekohanten]
Ukyou dropped a little pink piglet outside the Nekohanten. Looking secretly
inside, she saw Shampoo going through a recipe book with Cologne. Ukyou
whispered, "Good luck, Ryouga-kun." Then she melted into the shadows of the
near by alley.
Tim: She's the incredible melting man! I mean woman!
Ryouga bukii!ed outside the resturant, making his squeal loud enough to be
heard. He ran around, just outside the door, hoping to be noticed. A high
pitched "Aiya! Buta!" came from inside the shop. Ryouga started to run.
Ukyou watched as the little pink piglet ran off, Shampoo chasing him. The
old ghoul pogoed out on her walking stick, "Shampoo! Wait! Don't bruise the
pig or it won't be tender!" Cologne followed after Shampoo. Ukyou took this
opportunity to slip into the shop... After a few moments, she headed back
to Ucchan's, holding a bottle.
[A few hours later]
A while later, the pink coloured P-chan ran into Ucchan's. <Amazing he found
his way here!> thought Ukyou. She picked him up and hid him behind the
counter, just as Shampoo ran past. Cologne stopped at the door.
"Did you see a pig running by?" the old goat asked.
Mendo: I thought she was a ghoul, but now she's a goat?
Tim: Figurative usage, Mendo, She's an ugly old lady. Or a monkey, whichever.
Ukyou tilted her head to the side, "So THAT's what all that noise was! I
thought that Shampoo was just chasing Ran-chan again. If she's chasing a
pig, maybe she's found a suitable husband for her! Pity the pig wasn't
interested. I guess even pigs have some taste!"
Cologne scowled at Ukyou, "You are just jealous of Shampoo and muko-dono."
With that, Cologne hopped out to follow Shampoo.
Ryouga ran around on the floor at Ukyou's feet. "How could she even joke
about Shampoo marrying me!? Arrgh!" came out as a high pitched squeal,
along the lines of "Bukii, kiiii, bweeee, buki!"
"Urusee, Ryouga-kun!" Ukyou picked him up and took him upstairs to the
bathroom. She dropped him in the hot water. With a *splash*, a naked, pink
haired Ryouga sat up. Ukyou thrust a bottle of shampoo into his hands.
"I got the spice, so don't complain, Ryouga-kun. Soon you'll have Akane
for yourself."
Ryouga kept his mouth shut, glowering at Ukyou as he started to wash the pink
dye from his hair.
"Now all we need are Ran-chan and Akane to come over here for a meal. And
they are already coming over tonight. Well, I think that Akane will be, as
she usually follows Ran-chan." Ukyou watched him as he got out of the bath,
blushing and trying to hide himself. He splashed a bucket of hot bath water
over his head, washing away the shampoo.
The hot water ran down his body, highlighting his muscles. The water gleamed
as it caught the light from the window, almost making Ryouga's skin sparkle.
The body of a martial artist, Ryouga's muscles were not too big. His body was
firm and well proportioned... She gazed at him, almost wishing he was a
sculpture to view. <So much like Ran-chan's physique,> she thought. She gave
a soft sigh.
Mendo: Is this author a pervert?
Graham: do you have to ask?
As the pink dye washed out, Ryouga heard Ukyou's sigh, and turned to her,
"Nan da?" He saw her and how she was staring at him and froze, his face
turning a deep shade of red. "U...Uk...Ukyou-san!"
Ukyou blinked a little and looked up at his face, his hair black once again.
"Gomen, Ryouga-kun..." She smiled. <If everything works out, Akane's going
to be one lucky girl! He's loyal and devoted and cute... and *so* sexy!> She
leaned forward and pushed lightly at his shoulder, breaking his balance. He
fell with a *SPLASH* back into the bath. "I'm going to wait downstairs for
Ran-chan and Akane to come over. Come downstairs when you're dressed!" She
smiled and left the room, leaving Ryouga spluttering in the bath.
[Back in the okonomiyaki-ya]
Ryouga sat at a corner of the counter as Ukyou spiked her special sauce with
the passion spice. As she stirred it in, Ranma and Akane entered.
"Hi Ucchan! Your cooking saved my life yesterday!"
Tim: I thought it was earlier that afternoon (checks text) It never says a day went past, I was right!
Ukyou smiled as Akane hit Ranma over the head with a nearby chair. "Any time,
Ran-chan."
Graham: Ukyo's a sadist?
Tim: I doubt that as little as I doubt she's a girl
"Ranma no baka," Akane muttered, putting the remains of the chair back in place. She stomped over to the counter and sat next to Ryouga. "Hi,
Ryouga-kun." Akane said and smiled at him. <At least Ryouga likes my
cooking! See if I ever try to be nice to Ranma, ever again!>
At Akane's smile, Ryouga's heartbeat sped up and he nervously snapped a pair
of chopsticks in half. "A...Akane-san!"
Graham: Nosebleed in three..two..
Ranma glared at Ryouga and dropped into the chair next to Akane. "Can't handle
the truth, irokeganee onna?"
Graham: What'd he say, Tim?
Tim: He was insulting her by calling her a sexless girl
Akane ignored Ranma, turning to glare at the counter in front of her.
Mendo: Why should she glare at the table if she's mad at this Ranma person?
(They Hammer Mendo)
Ukyou poured the special sauce on the four okonomiyaki, and served them to
everyone. For some strange reason, the restaurant had cleared when a certain
chair had hit a certain pig-tailed boy's head. <Well, I guess it's best that
way. No-one else to mess up the magic.>
Tim: She's surprised the restaurant cleared when a fight started. Of course this IS Nerima
Ranma, as per normal, grabbed the okonomiyaki and stuffed it in his mouth.
Akane took a bit of hers, eating it more delicately. Both Ukyou and Ryouga ate
a little of theirs.
<I've got to get Ran-chan alone before the spice takes effect,> Ukyou thought,
<And that way Ryouga'll be left with Akane... And everyone'll be happy!> She
leaned over to Ryouga whispering, "I'll take Ran-chan and leave you with
Akane."
Ryouga blinked, "But what do I do?"
"Just stay with her, and the spice'll do the rest," she whispered back.
While Ukyou and Ryouga whispered, Akane turned to glare at Ranma, "You eat
like a pig!"
"Just because I appreciate good food! If you think I eat like a pig, it's no
wonder you feed me that pig slop you call cooking!"
Tim: I'd say something about P-chan, but it would probably detract
"What!? I try my best and all you can do is insult me!"
"It's only the truth!" He glared at her. All of a sudden the look in Ranma's
eyes changed. His eyes went blank and he fell forward, his face planted on the
counter.
"Ranma! Quit fooling arou..." Akane stopped, her eyes going blank. After a
moment, she fainted.
Mendo: I wasn't aware passion spice had such effects.
Tim: It doesn't (Hammers Mendo, makes another tally)
Ryouga and Ukyou both looked up, "Akane!" Ryouga cried out...then he promptly
fainted as well.
<What the...? Is passion spice meant to do that?> Ukyou thought. She reached
out to grab the bottle... then collapsed at the counter with the others.
[Early evening]
Ranma sat up, his head spinning, "Itetetetetetete." He clutched his aching
head, waiting for the feeling to subside. <I don't remember drinking anything
last night!> Eventually he opened his eyes and looked around. He was in
Ucchan's, and Akane, Ukyou and Ryouga were sprawled over the counter.
<Itai...> He reached over to Akane and gently shook her shoulder, "Akane?
Daijoubu?"
Tim: (cutting Graham off) Oww, and, Akane, are you alright?
Akane groaned, sitting up. "Ranma?" she managed to ask after the pain
subsided. She looked at him, noticing a strange look in his eyes. "Nani yo?"
Ranma reached out and wrapped his arms around her, "Akane."
Akane blinked and tried to think of a reason to punch him off her. For some
reason, she couldn't think of one. She wrapped her arms around him, "Ranma."
Ranma sat there holding her, wondering what on earth he was doing. But he held
onto her, actually enjoying not being hit by her for a change... And she felt
so nice to hold. <Maybe I should have done this before? But she was always
hitting me... What possessed me to do this now?>
Tim: A poultergeist?
Graham: a poultrygeist?
Mendo: I can't think of anything
(Tim WHAM-BAM-GOODBYE's Mendo back to Earth)
Graham: Finally!
Akane sat in his arms, wondering what to do. <He hasn't insulted me, yet.
What the heck's gotten into him?> She wondered about letting go and sitting
up, but she continued to hold him, enjoying the moment. <After all, it may
not last long.>
Suddenly Ranma was filled with the longing to kiss her. He looked down, his
thoughts, unbidden as usual, going straight from his brain to his mouth,
"Kawaii."
Tim: Brain frying, circuits overloading. Ranma actually called her cute!
Akane blinked, looking up. <Did I hear right?> As she stared up, she found
her face close to his... And let herself drift closer... Until their lips
met.
Ranma closed his eyes as he kissed her, Akane responding to the kiss. They
held each other tighter, both exploring the experience. Ranma instinctively
parted his lips, Akane following suit. Their tongues began to probe each
other's mouths as they kissed, moving in soft flicking motions.
Graham: MAX'd love to see this
Tim: He can, I'm recording each session in here
Ukyou sat up, the pain of her headache showing in her face. She pressed her
hand to her forehead and opened her eyes. Ryouga was still out. She shook
her head, trying to clear it. "What hit me?" she wondered, then hit Ryouga
over the head, "Oi! Wake up!"
Both: Oi! Again with the waking!
Ryouga groaned and sat up, "What did you do that for!?" He glared at Ukyou.
He winced a little in pain, then looked around and saw Ranma and Akane
kissing. He blinked, "N...nan da?!" He yanked at Ukyou's top and turned her
head towards the couple.
Tim: To be her bra.. oh yeah, she binds her breasts, damnit.
Ukyou stared, "They're... kissing?"
Graham: No, they're taking an oral exam, of course they're kissing!
For some reason, neither Ukyou nor Ryouga were able to work up enough anger
to attack, or even break up Ranma and Akane. They both just sat and stared
completely stunned.
Tim: I knew they had a vouyeristic side, especially ryoga
"I guess Akane has always loved Ranma more than me," Ryouga murmured. <No!
What is this? Ryouga, fight!> cried a small part of his mind. Ryouga ignored
it and just looked sadly at the two.
Ukyou gave a soft sigh, "And I'll never be more than a friend to Ran-chan."
She was ignoring the small part of her mind. <Ukyou! Break them up! Get
Ran-chan for yourself!> She shook her head, "What's happened to us?"
Ryouga gave a half shrug. "I guess it was that spice..." He picked up the
bottle and looked at it, "It's labelled 'The Path of the True Way'" He
frowned, "When did I learn Chinese? I thought the only kanji from the label
that I could read was 'spice'!"
Graham: I don't remember him reading the label
Tim: offscreen event, like that shower seen with me and Tigris in Fineday three
Graham: WHAT?
Tim: Nevermind man, just yanking your chain. It was in Fineday two
Graham: You- You're kidding, right?
Tim: Only me, Tigris, and her hairdresser know for sure.
Ukyou frowned too, "I must have taken the wrong bottle in my rush. I was sure
that the kanji for 'passion' was on the label. I must have grabbed the bottle
next to the passion spice! Hrmmmmm... 'The Path of the True Way'? The way
things are meant to be... No wonder o-baba never used this before... Now
there's no hope for Shampoo."
Graham: I would have at least CHECKED the label after I grabbed it.
Tim: Not to mention there never was any hope for Shampoo to begin with. And you would've eaten it straight away if it looked good Graham. And it wouldn't matter if you were cooking. It'd blow up withing seconds anyways.
Ryouga nodded, "She will just have to get over him. Let's go, Ukyou-san.
Leave them alone for a while." He could sense their destinies. It was
hopeless to try to change things. He stood up and smiled a little at Ukyou.
She nodded, taking the bottle from Ryouga, then took his hand. "Lead the way,
Ryouga-kun." She smiled as he blushed, but he still managed to find his way
to the door. They stopped and looked back at Ranma and Akane.
Ranma broke the kiss, looking up at them, "Thank you..." <They understand. I
think we all do.>
Graham: I don't!
Tim: Graham, they ate a spice that made them see the truth. Screwed up, but clearly spelled out in the fic
Akane smiled, "Take care. We'll see you again, soon."
"Ja, ne," said Ryouga, while Ukyou waved. Then they left the restaurant.
Ukyou called, "Close the restaurant for me!" Soon, with Ryouga leading the
way, they were lost.
[The Nekohanten]
Cologne went through her kitchen, cooking up ramen for the customers. She
frowned, noticing her secret store of magical ingredients was in disarray.
<Shampoo wouldn't make such a mess like this...> She started putting the
ingredients back in order... Suddenly she stopped. "The True Way spice...
Masaka!" She hopped out of the kitchen to find Shampoo, ignoring Mousse as
he scrubbed the floor.
Tim: With what, his tongue?
[Nerima]
Graham: They were already IN Nerima!
Ranma and Akane wandered home, holding hands, after closing Ucchan's. Ranma
smiled at Akane, "You know... I think we should get married."
Tim: That was fast
Akane smiled back, her face shining with happiness, "Un. Let's tell the
family!" They continued walking home, "But break it to them gently."
[Somewhere in a forest]
Ukyou sat by the campfire next to Ryouga. She stared into the fire, a soft
smile on her face, "I wonder how the Kunous'll react to all of this?"
Ryouga shook his head, "Feh, it probably won't change a thing for them.
Kunou's too stupid, and his sister is insane."
Ukyou nodded, "Yeah, I guess that'd be right. I can't imagine them ever
stopping their craziness." She leaned against Ryouga, leaning her head against
his shoulder, "But... you never know."
Ryouga blushingly let an arm slip around her shoulder. <What about Akari?>
He asked himself, but he knew the answer. "I think we know. And we know about
Konatsu and Akari..."
Ukyou nodded, smiling, "They will be the ones for us... But just for now..."
She trailed off, the reached up and kissed him full on the lips, her eyes
closing. He kissed back, blushing furiously but enjoying the kiss.
[Outside the Nekohanten]
Shampoo looked up, "What wrong, hiibaa-chan?"
"You didn't touch the magic spices, did you?"
Shampoo shook her empty head. It rattled.
Tim and Graham: Dare to be Stupid! Dare to be stupid!
Cologne's frown deepened, "Quick, Shampoo. We must find muko-dono... Fast!"
[The Tendou Doujou]
Nabiki, Kasumi, Souun, Genma-panda and Nodoka were gathered in the family
room. Ranma looked at them, then turned to look at Akane. She nodded, smiling
at him. Ranma turned to the group. "Akane and I have an announcement to make."
Genma butted in, "That you will marry Akane!?"
Akane nodded, "Correct."
Everyone but Kasumi stared in shock... then face-faulted. Kasumi smiled
sweetly.
Ranma laughed and took Akane's hand, "What happened to 'breaking it to them
gently'?"
Tim: I think it got lost somewhere with our sense of reality
Akane shrugged and giggled, but said nothing.
[Nerima]
Shampoo and Cologne sped through the streets of Nerima, searching desperately
for Ranma, hoping to stop him from touching the spice. It may only be
temporary, but the damage could be done quickly.
Graham: Like an instant A-bomb?
Tim: More like your cooking. Only there for a moment and plenty of damage done
"Ranma!" called Shampoo, running towards the Tendou Doujou.
[The Tendou Doujou]
Ranma kneeled on a low dais, next to Akane, in the middle of the doujou. A
Japanese screen, covered with beautiful designs, for luck, was behind them.
<Everything done in 52 seconds!? That must be a world record for wedding
preparations!>
Tim: No the record is .00001 seconds. When I pulled that wedding hall out of my sleeve, remember?
Graham: Yeah, but who got married?
Tim: No one, but the wedding hall gave us sort of an excuse for a bachelor party, at least.
He was dressed in a traditonal black wedding outfit - black
hakama and a black montsuki. Under it was a dark kimono, then a white one.
The montsuki was held closed by a white tassel. The dark outfit suited him,
making him look very handsome.
Graham: I don't know, and I don't think I wanna know
He looked around the room. It was festooned with streamers and other
decorations. A large sign said 'Congratulations on Akane and Ranma's Wedding.'
Souun was crying floods of tears and helping prepare the special cup of sake.
Genma stood nearby, throwing rice around. Nabiki, Nodoka and Kasumi were
ready with the special wedding banquet.
Akane smiled over at Ranma. She was dressed in an expensive white silk wedding
outfit, a white, three layered kimono. Small silver and gold designs of cranes
decorated the outer kimono. It flowed to the floor, folded back at her feet
and trailed to the floor behind her. The sleeves were long, almost reaching
to the floor. The kimono was held together by a decorative knot which let the
two other kimono be displayed. Both sat just so, the middle kimono turning
red at her feet, where the outer kimono parted. The tsunokakushi sat on her
head, covering her short, black hair. She was a stunningly beautiful bride.
<We are to be married. Oh, Ranma...>
Tim: I saw twice the descriptive lines for Akane than for Ranma, no playing favorites now! Not to mention considering volume 38, It's more likely that they would have a western wedding like in Kunoichi's other story, Ranma Nibunnoichi
Souun held out the special three cups of sake, impatient for his daughter and
Ranma to be wed. Genma stood with him, his wife close by, watching their son.
Kasumi and Nabiki waited, watching the couple.
Ranma cleared his throat, then said, "I declare my love for Akane, before you
all. I will be a good husband to her, looking after her and cherishing her
forever. Although we will fight, my heart belongs to her. No-one else will
tempt me from her. Together, we will carry on the doujou... Because I love
you, Akane."
Akane smiled into Ranma's eyes, "And I love you, Ranma. For you, I shall be
the best wife I can be, and always stand by you. You have my heart... And I
give you myself. We shall be together, forever... The wishes of our parents
will be fulfilled... as will my wish to be your wife, Ranma."
Tim: Barf bags ready! And GO!
(They barf at the soap opera lines)
The family worked their way through the wedding ceremony, both the bride and
groom taking turns to sip the sake from the three cups, declaring their love.
As the ceremony came to a conclusion, Souun was already crying floods to
tears. Both families were overjoyed at the marriage of the couple, everyone
knowing that their love was true.
Ranma looked at his wife and smiled. He moved over to her, taking her in his
arms. Softly he whispered, "Suki da, Akane."
Akane smiled back, "Atashi mo, Ranma." She leaned up to him and their lips
met. Suddenly, fireworks and firecrackers were let off and the whole family
started celebrating. "To Ranma and Akane Saotome, and to the Musabetsu Kakuto
Saotome Ryuu To Tendou Ryuu!"
It was then that Shampoo burst in through a wall, wielding her bonbori. "Get
away from Shampoo's groom!"
Akane stopped kissing Ranma and looked up, "It is the way things are, Shampoo.
I am now Akane Saotome, wife of Ranma. You have to look for a new love."
Graham: Plus a brain, you might try asking Victor Von Frankenstein
Tim: Or Oscar, lord knows his has never been used
Ranma nodded, "I love Akane, Shampoo. I'm sorry, but I never loved you the
way you wanted me to. You can never be anything more than a friend to me."
Shampoo stared in shock, dropping her bonbori, "So...Sona! Ranma!"
Ranma stood up, taking Akane's hand. He turned away from Shampoo, leading
Akane back to the house.
"Noooooooooo! Ranma!" Shampoo called, collapsing to the floor. She started
crying, "Shampoo will kill Akane!"
At this, Nodoka shook her head, "You will do no such thing." As Shampoo moved
to stand, still crying about how she would murder Akane, Nodoka hit her over
the head with the hilt of her katana.Shampoo fell back to the floor, out cold.
With that, Souun poured cold water over her, then stuck her in a box that
Genma had prepared. He then taped the box shut while Nabiki stuck stamps on it
and addressed it. Kasumi took the package and wandered off to post it.
Tim: When did Nodoka show up? And why would Kasumi deliver it? They'd leave it for the mailman or something
"Oh my. I hope she likes the Mohabe Desert."
[Somewhere in a forest]
Ukyou slept in Ryouga's arms, Ryouga himself sleeping next to the dying
campfire.
[The Nekohanten]
Mousse sat in the Nekohanten, polishing his glasses and wondering where
Shampoo and Cologne had gotten to. It was getting late.
Graham: I get another image of mousse going through Shampoo's things during that time
[Nerima]
Cologne finished searching Nerima. Finding nothing, she headed for the Doujou.
[The Tendou-ke]
Ranma led Akane to her room and sat down on the bed, next to her. He smiled
and took off her tsunokakushi, "No matter what happens, remember the truth is
that I love you."
She smiled back up at him, her smile warming his heart, "And I love you."
Pressing close to him, she kissed him deeply.
Slowly, Ranma caressed her back and neck as they kissed with a tender passion.
He held her close, enjoying having his love in his arms. He felt her arms
around him, her small hands running up and down his back.
Akane felt Ranma's hands work down her back, then slide down around her waist
to her hips. <Oh, Ranma... Ureshii...> she thought, leaning back a little.
He followed her lean to continue kissing her sweet lips. Letting his hands
slide around to her stomach, then upwards until he found the intricate knot,
holding her kimono closed. Slowly he undid it, never breaking the kiss.
The second kimono was revealed as Ranma slid the outer kimono from around his
new wife, almost carelessly letting it flutter to the floor. Akane helped him
undo the next kimono, then the third. A soft pile of beautiful silk formed on
the floor, the tsunokakushi dropping on top.
Graham: GET ON WITH IT DAMNIT!
Tim: Graham, calm down and be patient
As Ranma stopped to gaze at her, she undressed him, undoing his montsuki. Hiskimono quickly following, adding to the pile of silk. Akane worked at the
hakama. She was only dressed in small, wispy pieces of silk and lace, an
outfit Happousai would be blessed to ever see once in his life time! The
material clung to her body, revealing how sexy her figure actually was, when
she took the effort to look alluring. Her breasts were covered in the fabric,
pulled taut to show off her sleek curves. It moulded to her skin, over her
thin waist, then down to hide her sex. It left most of her skin bare, showing
off more cleavage than Ranma actually realised she had. Her smooth, well
shaped legs looked even longer as the outfit was extremely high cut. Small
swirl patterns of pretty lace was sewn into the silk, letting tiny spots of
her vibrant skin show through. Ranma gulped.
Akane gave a smile, mischief glowing in her eyes. She removed Ranma's hakama,
then leaned back on the bed, gazing back at him. He was dressed only in a
pair of yellow boxers with blue edging. Her eyes ran over the well toned
muscles of his arms and chest, slowly working down to his washboard stomach.
She let her eyes linger on the large lump in his boxers. "Ranma..." she
whispered, "I'm all yours, tonight..."
Tim: As opposed to the next night when I'll be working for an escort service. I'm sorry, I had to say that.
Ranma's eyes followed her gaze, blushing a little. "Akane..." he whispered
back. Then he lowered his boxer shorts, kicking them to the floor, joining
the pile of black and white silk by the bed.
Moving up a little, Akane reached out and took his hand, her eyes running back
up to his face from his hardened manhood. She kissed his fingertips, then she
licked them. "Ranma... My husband..."
Graham: Kissed his fingertips?
Tim: She spent extra time on his eleventh finger.
Ranma moaned softly, his excitement growing. He reached out and ran his hands
over her breasts, then slid them down her sides, and, finding a zip, undid
her lingerie. It practically fell from her, sliding off her sleek form. Her
well formed breasts, perky pink nipples already hard... Her flat, smooth
stomach... the delta of dark hair at her sex... He moved a hand down to part
her legs, gently, wanting to gaze at her, fully. "My wife... oh, so sexy..."
he managed to moan.
Akane lifted her hands to wrap around his neck, "Be gentle, Ranma..." She
lifted her face to his and kissed him again, deeply and passionately. He
responded, pressing his body down against her, his hand exploring her...
Suddenly the door opened with a thud and Cologne hopped into the room, "What
have you done!?" She stared at the naked newlyweds who were quickly trying to
cover themselves with a bedsheet. "Where's Shampoo?"
Graham: Doesn't she know that if the Dojo's rockin', Don't come'a knockin'?
Tim: She didn't knock.
Ranma glared at her, but still blushed deeply, "She's not here! And, I'm
telling you once and for all! Get out of here and leave us alone. I'm married
to Akane, and there's no way in any future that I'll marry Shampoo. We all
know, so give it up, ghoul!"
Akane nodded, hiding herself behind Ranma, still half under his body. "We
know the truth. You know it, too. Nothing that happens will change this."
Tim: Spoken like a true... Something.
Cologne glared, grinding her teeth. <They're right! What will become of
Shampoo? She will never accept this...> "Where's Shampoo? I have to look
after her through this... We can't even go back to China, not with this
loss of honour."
Graham: They had honor?
Tim: News to me.
"On her way to the Mohabe Desert," Nabiki said, leaning in through the door,
the glass, reserved for listening through walls, in her hand hidden behind
her back.
Tim: You mean Mojabe, I think.
"Ack!" Ranma blushed harder.
"Oneechan!"
Cologne glowered then turned and hopped out of the room.
Nabiki grinned, "Sorry, but you know how things are... We have to know if you
two're going to go through with it!"
Tim: They just wanna hear them having sex.
Akane threw a pillow at her, "No more listening, oneechan!"
Nabiki laughed, dodging the pillow, then shut the door behind her, joining
the rest of the family who were in the hallway, half of whom were also holding
listening glasses. Genma, however, being better prepared than the others, was
holding a stethoscope.
Graham: Filched it from Tofu's did he?
[The Nekohanten]
Mousse continued to wait in the Nekohanten.
Tim: That was pointless
[Over the sea]
Shampoo-neko slept in the box as it made its way to the Mohabe Desert.
[Akane's bedroom]
The newlyweds enjoyed spending their first night together in passion and love,
their love making filled with tenderness... Eventually falling asleep as the
sun began to rise, both holding each other in a loving, intimate embrace.
Tim: I must say, that would require considerable stamina
[Somewhere in a forest]
Ukyou yawned, sitting up. She turned and looked at the sleeping Ryouga, then
frowned. <I *let* Ran-chan and Akane...?> She ran a hand through her hair,
"Dammit! I remember, but I can't accept it! Oi, Ryouga!"
Ryouga blinked, sitting up, "Nan da?" He looked at Ukyou for a moment, then
his eyes went wide, "They kissed!! How could that yarou lay his hands on my
beloved Akane-san!?"
Tim: Simple, he moved his hands forward and then brought them closer together while Akane was between them, then they touched their lips together.
Graham: HEY! Gimme a chance to comment why dontcha?
"We'll have to get back and stop them, Ryouga-kun!" Ukyou stood up and
quickly cleared the camp. <And I *made* Ryouga get us both lost, just to
give them time together!>
Ryouga got up and helped Ukyou, eventually following her back towards Nerima.
[The Mohabe Desert]
Shampoo-neko yowled miserably, sitting in the burning sands. <Ranma! I love
you!>
[Akane's bedroom]
Ranma sat up at the sound of a scream.
"Hentai!!!"
He was awoken by something hitting him in the face, and the resultant meeting
of the back of his head with a wall. He groaned in pain and pressed his hands
to the slap mark on his face. "Nan da, Akane!?" He opened an eye. <Hmm.
Akane's bedroom. Akane on the bed.> He shook his head and then focused both
eyes on Akane. <She's covering herself with sheets. I wonder why?>
"Get dressed, sukebe!" Akane yelled, trying to hide further under the sheets.
<We couldn't have done *that*... could we?> Her mind grappled, trying to
recall yesterday's events. <A wedding? No, I must have dreamed of marrying
him...>
Tim: yet even if it was a dream, it proves that she loves him. So moot point.
Ranma jumped up, then blinked as he noticed he was naked. He acked and grabbed
the nearest thing to cover himself with. Then it hit him. <Akane's naked under
the sheets!> He stared at her in shock. Another thought worked its way into
his brain. <Last night?> The wheels in his mind slowly turned accompanied by
a grinding screech, a cloud of dust and a bunch of surprised moths.
Graham: C'mon, Ranma's naïve, not stupid!
Tim: Ya, that only happens with really stupid stuff anyway, like eggplants, Dracria, and certain fanfic writing hermaphrodites I could mention.
Akane looked around the room. <Those clothes... Ranma's holding a
tsunokakushi! Is it true?> She pointed at the clothing. "Wedding clothes...
It... wasn't a dream?"
Ranma stared, remembering. He gulped, "And we really did... m... make... l...
lo... ack... *that*? It wasn't a dream?!"
Tim: No, and I've got video to prove it, as long as there's some still in stock...
They both coloured deeply, staring.
[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya]
Akari turned up at Ucchan's, "Anou, have you seen Ryouga-sama?"
Konatsu, the bishonen kunoichi, dressed in a girl's kimono and an apron
bearing the word 'Ucchan', shook his head. He smiled, looking very much like
a beautiful girl, "But I'm sure he'll come around eventually. He always turns
up when you least expect him!"
Graham: Like when you're in the shower, or tweezing your private areas or...
Tim: You'll stop now.
Akari nodded and sat down on a stool, looking at the menu. All of a sudden,
Ukyou burst in, "Where's Ran-chan?"
Ryouga followed, "And Akane-san?"
Akari smiled brightly, "Ryouga-sama!"
Ryouga stopped and blinked, "A-akari-chan!" <I'm meant to be with her, aren't
I?> a part of himself thought. He started blushing a little.
Graham: Only a little? He'd be redder than blood seeing a girl he liked!
"Ranma? He's not here," Konatsu smiled happily at Ukyou, the pretty red
lipstick matching the flower in his long hair, highlighting his glorious
smile.
Ukyou stopped. <Konatsu... I remember how things should be...> She sighed a
little, <But I still must try to find Ran-chan.>
Tim: Goddamnit! Your reality's not bad, don't change it!!!
At that moment Akane rushed through the door, "What did you feed us last
night!? I *know* things that... are strange! Like I knew to find you here,
and I how Ranma and I..."
Tim: Made love like bunnies until we passed out from exhaustion only a few hours before
"A-akane-san!" Ryouga said, still blushing.
Ranma entered, still sporting the bruise from Akane's slap. "And you two must
know, too."
Akari and Konatsu looked confused, making them look especially feminine and
cute.
Ukyou sighed, "Something that shows the truth... You two haven't... yet?"
At this, Ryouga looked up, consternation written all over his face.
Akane looked at Ranma, both of them looking uncomfortable.
"You did!?" cried Ryouga.
Both Ranma and Akane nodded slowly.
Ukyou sighed, feeling the pain of loss, even though she knew this was going
to happen. The small spark of hope faded.
The pain ripped through Ryouga, even though he, too, knew. He grabbed his
head with both hands, "Nooooooooo!!"
Akari stared, but moved forward to try to comfort Ryouga, having no idea
what was wrong, "Ryouga-sama!"
Konatsu shook his head, his long ponytail swinging, "What is it?"
Ranma looked at Akane for a moment, then looked down, "Akane and I are
married." The he muttered, "And I finally found out I'm in love with a
violent, kawaikunee, irokeganee tomboy."
Tim: Wrong thing to say, man. Absolute WRONG!
Akane growled,punching him up, out of the restaurant through the new skylight,
made by Ranma's head. Then she blinked, suddenly realising what he'd said
before the insult. "And... I love that insensitive, sex-changing jerk." She
muttered, then quickly turned on her heels, running off to find Ranma at the
other end of his parabolic arc of flight.
Tim: i'd say it was a more angled flight, since he hit our satellite awhile ago.
Time seemed to freeze for those in the restaurant... Ryouga and Ukyou knowing
that they will be happy in the future, but letting the pain fill them for
now... Konatsu at Ukyou's side, Akari looking after Ryouga... Both filled
with hope for a bright future with the ones they love, not knowing...
Graham: That margaret was relly keith's mother and Mary Jo Beth was actually Thurston, her Fiancee's sex changed brother.
Tim: That was sick, that was demented, it was perverted. In others words, perfect for daytime TV!
[The river]
A female Ranma clambered out of the river where she had landed. She squeezed
the water out of her hair and clothes. "Feh, I only told people how I feel
for my iinazuke... I mean 'wife'... And she hits me!" Ranma was not used to
the word 'wife' for Akane. She sighed.
"I... I know, Ranma... but..."
Ranma looked over at the voice. Akane stood there, looking uncomfortable.
"Well... I guess it can't be helped," onna Ranma said. She moved to Akane and
took her hand, "Let's go home."
Akane smiled softly, nodding, then they set off to the doujou.
[A year later]
Kodachi and Mousse sat down together, along with Akari and Ryouga, Ukyou and
Konatsu, Azusa and Tsubasa, Nabiki and Kunou, Asuka and Mikado, and Akane and
Ranma. The last year had changed them all, some in little ways, some more
comprehensively.
Tim: Like the fact that Mousse had that sex change operation and that Kodachi was now on medication, and...
Graham: So what about Shampoo, did she marry a camel or something?
Mousse had been captured by the insane Kodachi after she heard about Akane
and Ranma's wedding, in a vain hope of winning Ranma back... but her plan
failed completely... She was still as crazy as ever, but her affections had
changed. Mousse had lost his glasses while he was being kidnapped, and had
thought that she was Shampoo for a long time! But when he eventually found
out who she really was, he was in love with her. Sometimes he wondered where
Shampoo was, but he knew, deep inside, that she had left him for good.
Ryouga had calmed down, over time, with Akari's help. He could never
completely forget about Akane, but he was happy loving Akari. Akari, on the
other hand, had not changed at all. She was still sweet and innocent, and she
still loved Ryouga and pigs. They had talked things over, and were finally
engaged. The only thing stopping them from marrying was Ryouga's inability to
find the wedding hall.
Konatsu and Ukyou's appearances had not changed much at all. He still looked
like a stunningly beautiful girl, and she looked more and more like a guy.
One change was that Konatsu was getting paid more to work at Ucchan's... a
whole ten yen! But they were a happy, perfectly matched pair.
The other cross-dresser in the group had been 'acquired' by Azusa. He looked
far too cute in a dress for his own good! Tsubasa, now known as 'Eliza', was
happy to be cute for cute girls... And Azusa was *the* cutest! Azusa, for her
part, was just happy to have a 'pet' who could talk with her, rather than
just sit there, or try to run away.
Tim: Or try to eat her, bite her, or squeeze her to a painful agonizing death.
Graham: Which reminds me, operation "Bunny" is ready. She'll like this suprise!
Tatewaki was still as dense as ever, but Nabiki had wormed her way into his
heart (not to mention his wallet!) when she had knocked him out after he
tried to kill Ranma for marrying Akane. A well placed plate of Akane's cooking
over his head did wonders!
Graham: why is it that bludgeoning always works, even when stuff like the dragon spiral won't?
Tim: Rule three of Anime. Any bludgeoning device, no matter how weak the user, or how tough the defender, shall always be successful in dealing massive amounts of Damage to the defender.
Asuka the White Lily had come back early to challenge Kodachi with her latest
man. Unfortunately his girlfriend had found him and taken him home. It was
then that she had met Mikado. He was perfect to beat Kodachi, so she had
captured him for herself. Mikado just went along with her because she was a
cute... interesting woman he hadn't kissed yet. Unfortunately for him, he met
with a love potion gas in a bunch of white lilies... Both Kodachi and Asuka
were still trying to convince the other that their boyfriend was the cutest.
Graham: They're Pathetic.
Tim: look who's talking, Mr. Shrine-to-my-girlfriend
Ranma and Akane, despite all their fights, were happily married. They sat
close together, enjoying a sweet moment between their arguments... But these
moment were getting longer, the fights further and further apart...
Graham: And the sex more and more frequent
Tim: HEY, I was gonna say that!
Graham: I know, revenge is mine!
"Thanks for coming to celebrate our wedding anniversary," Ranma said, "I
guess we're all ready for the food!"
Akane elbowed him, "Don't be so impatient! Oh, here's oneechan."
Ranma coughed and looked around, "Well, before the food, I'd like to say
congratulations for Toufuu-sensei and Kasumi-oneechan's engagement!"
Kasumi looked sweet and smiled at everyone, "Maa..."
Toufuu followed her in, blushing, a hand behind his head. His glasses were
still fogged. He looked like he was about to break into a chorus of 'zun
cha cha' any second, although he was learning to control himself.
"Congratulations!"
"Oh, that's wonderful!"
"I'm so happy for you!"
The congratulations and well-wishes poured out as Kasumi and Toufuu served
the food. Genma, Nodoka, Souun and most of the people Ranma and Akane had
ever met joined the party.
Tim: Including that guy in the background in chapter forty two, and the guy who dumped the water on Ranma in the first volume, and the old lady watering the sidewalk, and the gal from episode fourteen with the pink dress and the missile launcher...
Everyone, it seemed, was happy.
[The Mohabe Desert]
A small pink-purple cat with an old prune-like woman on a stick ran and
pogoed, respectively, through the sand. The cat was yowling pitifully. Behind
the pair ran twin Chinese girls, attacking them with various plants, poisons,
gases and 'medicines'... Rink and Pink would never give up until they killed
their arch-rival, the girl who had beaten up the innocent one of the twins
for the other's deeds. They *WOULD* get her back for the thousands of beatings
since that time. "Kill! We kill Shampoo! Over!"
The cat and ghoul ran off into the everlasting sunset, the twins chasing
them...
Tim: Yep, everybody's happy...
A small package landed in the desert sands. The description on the air mail
sticker read : 'One decrepit, old hentai. Do NOT open!'
Tim: what, they send Clinton?
Graham: Not old enough.
Tim: Oh yeah, and they sent him to the bottom of the Atlantic
[The Tendou Doujou]
Back in Japan, the party went on through the night at the Saotome To Tendou
Doujou.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Extra special thanks to my two editors, Alex and Martin, for going over my
work and adding in all the extra silly lines. ^_^
Tim: I'll thank them, It made my work easier
This was a fun one to write, so I didn't take it too seriously. ^_^ Hope you
had fun reading it!
Tim: Hey, it's no big deal, I mean, I never take ANYTHING seriously
(The waiting room)
Tim: Hey Artlu, that actually was a pretty good fic, nice story, funny lines, and at least she TRIED to spell stuff right unlike Oscar.
(Artlu's place)
Artlu: Well I just didn't like it, too mushy for my tastes. And why did you punt the guest commentator halfway through the fanfic?
(Waiting room)
Graham: We didn't Punt him, we hammered him!
Tim: He was boring, nothin' good to say, next time, send up someone who will actually make good commentary, okay?
(Artlu's place)
Artlu: What, you want a good commentator? Get back that robot thing you had with you last time. Wait, he's on vacation or something. Okay, Okay, I'll do it, but just you wait, Tim someday I'll find the Fanfic to crush you!
(Waiting room)
Tim: and I'll be waiting to blast any and all fanfics you send me, until then SEEYA!
(hits transmission end button)
THE END
***
"And I finally found out I'm in love with a
violent, kawaikunee, irokeganee tomboy."
You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/
comments appreciated, flames laughed at.
---
Respond or PM for feedback, as the emails are quite conclusively dead.
.