More snark: MST4K03
Posted: 2006-11-10 02:17pm
I figure I can release these at a rate of one every few days (maybe even in chronological order) for your reading enjoyment. That said, this is another blast from the past, two some months after the first one.
Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim Jewett
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
Where reality's hold is weak.
A spoiled rich kid named Artlu...
Revealed his scheme of the week.
"I'll send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that will really warp their minds. (lalala)
Then I'll go and get revenge...
and he won't be able to defend his hind!"
Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.
If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's none of yer biz'!"
and you really should relax.
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)
***Satelite of Lust 1 Pm***
Graham: Huh, where's Tim? Artlu's on the line. Not to mention, the opening sequence went by, and he usually blasts it to nothing!
(Graham runs out of the satellite, through the tunnel to the Phoenix, looking for Tim)
Graham: Dang, can't find him anywhere. Oh, wait it's saturday (runs to Tim's room, where Tim is still asleep) WAKE UP!
Tim: Huh? It's only One PM! You know the rules, nothing after noon and before 3 pm on saturdays! Wait, is that Artlu's comm I hear?
(He runs into the Satellite, Graham on his tail, and then waits for a minute)
Tim: Ya know man, we gotta stop doing lemons. They kinda get sickening after a while, not to mention, they take away valuable mordancy time
Graham: JUST HIT THE BUTTON!
(An image of Artlu's place appears on the comm screen, with locus description: Artlu's place)
Tim and Graham: (humming the theme to Melrose place)
Artlu: Hello you two mindless miscreants
Tim: We're not miscreants, we're Mr. creants!
Artlu: (groan) Anyway I got you another commentator, but the one I hired got lost-
Graham: was he wearing a yellow bandanna?
Artlu: So I got you a temp, he should be there in...
Ataru: Hey, we seeing any Lemons today?
Artlu: No actually, It's a little piece called, well I'll let you find out in the theater.
Tim: Anyway, I was thinking, we really need to get like an invention excha- (Sirens wail) What the? I didn't know we had a movie sign.
Graham: You're usually first in the theater.
(They enter the theater, remnants of what used to be doors line the path into it.)
Tim: Guess I took those a little fast the last time.
Graham: So, what is the fanfic today?
>SAILOR JUPITER
>V.S.
>GODZILLA
Graham: OH YEAH! GODZILLA!
Tim: This isn't your Nidoking ya know.
Graham: I DON'T CARE!
>THE BIGGER THEY ARE....
Graham: The worse they tip?
Tim: The ranker the fart?
Ataru: The softer they are...(drools)
(Tim smacks Ataru with weighted stave, namely his mallet, "Baka")
>*********************************************************
Tim and Graham: Oh, It's Christmas at ground zero...
>Hi! Flashman here
Tim: (on the phone) Hello, Capcom?
Graham: I'll bet he's a "wily" fellow
Tim: I'll bet he likes to "Rock" and "Roll"
Ataru: Rolllll... (drools)
(they smack Ataru)
>to bring you the mismatch of the century. We're
>talkin' MAJOR mismatch here.
Ataru: Happosai vs. C-ko?
Tim: Meowth vs. Nuku Nuku?
Graham: Lum vs. Cologne in a beauty contest?
Ataru: Please don't mention Lum
Tim: (To the tune of "Lump") She's Lum, She's Lum, this girl can fly... She's Lum, She's Lum, makes grown men cry...
>First of all, I will be using the new Godzilla timeline to tell this story.
>(Godzilla 85 to Godzilla V.S. Detroyer)
Graham: I never saw the Destroyer one.
Tim: Is this before or after his battle with the unemployment agency?
>One word of warning if your not a Sailor Jupiter fan,
Tim: screw you.
Ataru: Hey man, don't worry, I'm a fan of, who was it again?
(Ataru is hammered again)
>like my first FanFic "Personality Split"
>none of the other Sailors will be here.
Graham: As they are currently in court, testifying against Oscar.
Tim: Nice one.
Artlu's comm: No they're in an orgy fanfic I'll be showing later
Graham and Ataru: WOOHOO!
Tim: Artlu, shove it up yer rectal orifice.
>This story will have Mako and Mako alone.
Ataru: So she's gonna be-
(He gets hammered)
>If you have any suggestions, any comments on stuff I've got posted
>already, any complaints, please, Please, PLEASE, E-Mail me
>at MXJK67C@Prodigy.com.
Graham: He sounds lonely
Tim: Are you lonesome tonight?... Is your kitchen a sight?...
Ataru: Um, yeah, why?
(They just stare at him)
>Legal things: Godzilla is the trademark of Toho Studios. Sailor Jupiter is
>the property of Naoko Takeuchi. On With The Show!!!
Graham: BOO, BOO! WE HATE LEGAL JUNK! BOO!
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>(As our story opens we see the city of Tokyo.
Tim: I feel compelled to show a badge and have the theme to Dragnet play right now
Ataru: I think I can see my house!
Graham: Sure you can.
>Suddenly, the loud, whinning, unmistakable sound
Tim: DUCK, It's Akane!
Graham: Mousse is the duck, not Akane
Tim, No, but she was once a, no, twice a,
Tim and Graham: Three times a tomboy...
>of an evacuation siren goes off. Also we can hear someone
>over some kind of P.A. system saying.....)
Tim: (PA) Yes this is the vice principle of our lovely Gravitron high speaking, would whoever just totalled my car with a missile please report to my office immediately?
Graham: (PA) 'Dis is 'da principle speaking, if any of you Kahunas and Wahiine's don' wanna be gettin da buzz and bowl cuts, you gotta find me in three days!
Ataru: (PA) Note: All attractive single girls please report to the home of Ataru Morobishi, at-
(They hammer Ataru)
>VOICE: Evacuate imediatly! Godzilla has been sighted in the Tokyo
>Bay area and is moving towards the city! Evacuate in a clam
>and orderly fashion! Do not panic!
Tim: This is Godzilla, Gamera was the one with the two little thingies in that clam.
>(Naturaly, everybody IS panicing.
Tim and Graham: NO DUH!
>People grab bags, fill cardboard boxes with momentos they can't part
>with,
Graham: (imitating Paige fox) And this is my beachwear bag, and this is my beach makeup bag, and this is my beach accesories bag, did I forget anything?
Tim: (Imitating Jason) How 'bout a beach barf bag?
>grab children by the arms,
>and run, get on trains, planes, and automobiles,
Tim: I didn't know Gene Wilder was in this
>and generaly do whatever it takes to get out of the city before the giant
>bohemoth arives.)
Tim: Aaaahgh! It's the attack of the fifty foot Oscar! KILL IT!
>(However, the scean focuses on an apartment complex and one
>apartment in particular.
>In this apartment we see a tall, green eyed, brown ponytailed,
>girl. Her name is MAKOTO.
Tim: Anyone attemping the theme from Shaft will be swiftly dealt with.
>At this time she is furiously packing bags and mutttering words
>under her breath which are not fit for print.....)
Makoto:(VERY angrily)[Unprintable] [Unprintable] [Unprintable] [Unprintable]
monster, [Unprintable] [Unprintable] [Unprintable], why'd it have to come
here?!?
Tim: I shall translate this
Graham: Careful, remember what the censors said about that Lum fic we Mst'd, ya know, the one where Ataru became a gi- Never mind.
Ataru: What, what what?
Tim: ANYWAY, she said: Mxafrxm flyxtatpism juxtaposition monster, knick-knack-paddy-whack gvadgabn, why'd it have to come here?
Graham: I was expecting worse
Tim You'll get it too
>(Mako finishes packing and grabs her bags.
Ataru: WHOA! (he nosebleeds and faints)
Tim: Whatta hentai, let's turn him into a girl
(pulls out an Acme gender bender blaster, and shoots it at Ataru full blast)
>Two duffle bags on each arm, a suitcase in each hand, another duffle
>bag around her neck, and another clenched firmly in her teeth.)
Graham: Think she packed enough?
Tim: I think she forgot her industrial strength hairdryer. Her truss too.
>Makoto:(Thinking) I would much prefer to fight this thing than run away, but
>Luna says that, "To destroy Godzilla would take more energy than it did to
>destroy Queen Metallia... and you know how much THAT took."
Graham: No, we don't, please tell us.
Tim: Of course, it's not like any of the girls actually LISTEN to Luna, but...
>I sure do Luna,
>it's a moot point anyway since Usagis father decided
>that they should leave a week earlier. I guess his parinoia paid off
>for a change.
>(Makoto rushes out the door with her bags whipping in all directions.
Tim: Interesting, sui-sadomasichism, with luggage no less...
>As she reaches the street she sees a large contingiant of tanks, jeeps,
Graham: What's contin? and why would anyone wanna make a giant out of it?
>vehicles with large devices that look like satalite dishes on top
Tim: I know what they use those for, and It's not legal if yer under 18
Graham: Who cares about legal?
>[Mazer Tanks], jet planes, and all sorts of military hardware moving to
>face Godzilla. Loud explosions can be heard comming from the Bay
>area.)
Tim: SORRY! I ATE MEXICAN!
(Ataru wakes from the noise)
>Makoto:(Thinking) Good luck you guys, you're going to need it.
>(Now we see GODZILLA himself.
Graham: YEEHA! GO GODZILLA, WHUP SOME CITY ASS!
Tim: My money's on the insurance company. (imitating an insurance rep) "I'm sorry sir, your policy does not cover acts of fifty story lizards"
>He is swiming in the bay, approching the city rapidly. He is not
>unopposed though, the Japanese navy is dumping everything
>they've got at him.
Ataru: THROW it at him, stupids!
Tim: Well, he got off one good one
>The ships and helicopters are firing shells, rockets, torpedos, and
>bullets. They all explode against Godzilla's reptilian skin,
>causing absolutly no damage.
Tim: But then he got a splinter in his finger, and the day was saved!
Graham: Would those be clam shells by any chance?
Tim: If they are, I hope they have beards.
>He roars in anger at the foolish little mites who think they can hurt
>him.
Tim: Here I come, to save the day!... I'll take it no one got that
Graham: The mighty mouse cult is long dead.
Tim: Well people still know who he is, at least.
>He rears back his head and then shoots it forward
Ataru: I thought he was a lizard, not a tranformer.
>releasing his patented burst of blue flame.
Tim: I've seen, and made better
Graham: But, you're not a fire elemental
Tim: No, but I did eat Mexican food
>Everything in its path is obliterated and Godzilla roars in triumph as
>he continues his march to Tokyo.)
Tim and Graham: Oh, and the saints... Come marching in... Oh, and the saints come marching in...
>Solider1:(Watching from nearby and putting down a pair of binoculars as he
>turns toward his friend, SOLIDER2)
Graham: Hey Hiroshi, check out the naked chick in Apartment 214!
Tim: Forget that, Daisuke, check out that couple three floors up!
Ataru: I think I know those guys
>Did you see THAT?!?
Graham: What? I can't see anything!
>Solider2:(Nods nervously) Yeah.
>Solider1: Afraid?
Tim: Not at all! Umm, do you have some underwear I could borrow?
>Solider2:(Laughs nervously) Terrified.
>Solider1:(Pats a Sailor Moon braclet on his right wrist.) Don't be. You
>forget we have the Sailor Senshi on our side.
Ataru: but can't we make it the sailor senshi venus 5?
Graham: Sounds good to me!
Tim: Don't encourage him Graham, he leaves stains like you wouldn't believe.
>Solider2: I never thought that you'd believe in THAT myth.
>Solider1: I tell ya they're real.
Tim: Just like underpants gnomes!
>Solider2: Man, if they were, do you think they would be able to go
>anywhere without getting mobbed. I mean there all babes, especialy
>Sailor Jupiter.
Tim: Oh and isn't it convienient that she's the star?
Graham: I thought he didn't beleive they existed
Tim: Not to mention, how would they know what the sailors looked like? PLOT HOLE ALERT!
Graham: Speaking of looks, their diguises aren't much of ones
Tim: Wait, he said "there babes" (looks for babes) guess he's going blind, like Ataru, and maybe for the same reasons too (drumroll, cymbal crash)
>Voice of a General:(Yelling) YOU TWO! BACK TO YOUR
>REGIMENTS! BE PREPAIRED TO MOVE TO POSSITION
>DELTA!
>Both Soliders: Yes Sir!
Tim: (Imitating a soldier, very loud) Stupid sorry ass little myxaflxl... (continues for thirty seconds)... AND YOUR MOTHER WEARS HIGH HEELED COMBAT BOOTS, TA BOOT!
Graham: I think my eardrum just ruptured
Ataru: I think my skull just shattered
>(Back to Makoto. We now see her running through the streets. It's quite
>obvious that she's lost.)
Tim: I think it was the fact that she kept passing the same boy in a bandanna that tipped her off
Graham: (imitating Makoto) Well, I saw a pig in a bandanna this time, so I must be getting somewhere!
>Mako:(Thinking and looking left)
>Maybe it's this way. (Looking right) ...or maybe that way.
Ataru: Please let her looking for my house, please...
>(Looking forward) Oh, I'm never going to find my way out of
>the city to the evacuation center.
Tim: Here's some advice. Look for anything that's fifty stories tall and green, then run away from it!
>(Loud, rythmic booming sounds, like footsteps, along with screaming
>is heard.
Tim: Barney must be near, for such screaming
>Makoto looks in the direction of the sounds and her eyes go wide.
Tim: They were already wide
>She gets a first-person view of the King Of The Monsters
Tim: (imitating Makoto) Is that a nuclear warhead stuck in your thigh, or are you just glad to see me?
Graham: Isn't King of the Monsters an SNES game?
Tim: Yup, and with NO relation to Godzilla whatsoever
>crashing through the streets. She also sees that Godzilla is about to
>step on a bunch of frightened children who are hidding under a large
>cardboard box.)
>Mako:(Thinking) Oh My GOD!
Graham: Isn't she a Shintoist?
Tim: Must... resist... urge to make bad A! megamisama joke...
>I've got to do something. (Shouting) MUPHEPER FAR FOUMER!
>MAFE PUP!
Tim: Muber Huban Marfelheimen!
Graham: What did you two just say?
Tim: Not telling
Ataru: Does it have anything to do with sex?
>(Spits the duffle bag strap out of her mouth and drops all
>of her other bags.)
>Lets try that again. JUPITER STAR POWER! MAKE UP!
Tim: What a time for cosmetics.
>(Makoto transforms into SAILOR JUPITER. The symbol on her
>transfomation pen spins and she is surrounded by lightning.
>Then the lightning bends over her
>body and turns into a sailor uniform with a green dress
Tim: Overly flashy, I prefer fighting with the essentials, gloves, so weapons don't slip, jacket, for carrying weapons, swords... Oh yeah, and clothes so you don't get arrested for indecent exposure.
Graham: What brought that on?
Tim: No real reason, just that the scouts overdress in some areas and ironically enough, underdress in others.
and a large
>green bow on her chest.)
Ataru: LOSE THE BOW, LOSE THE BOW!
Tim and Graham: LOSE THE REST, LOSE THE REST!
>Sailor Jupiter:(Jumps onto a nearby roof and aims at Godzilla)
>SUPREME THUNDER!!!
Tim: Yes, I'd like one order of fries, a drink, and a Supreme Thunder, to go, please
>(A lightning rod pops out of her tiara and a large bolt of lightning
>comes down from the sky.
>The lightning connects with the rod and Jupiter directs it through her
>body and at Godzilla.
Graham: That should've fried her clothes off
Tim: Wait! that means the power isn't hers! she's getting it from somewhere else!
>The lightning hits Godzilla and he turns toward Jupiter in anger at the
>little creature who actually thinks that it can hurt him.)
Graham: You talking ta' me, punk?
Tim: No, I'm talking to da pigeons
>Jupiter: Come on Big Boy, follow me! SPARKLING WIDE
>PRESSURE!!!
Ataru: That's sounds, well, just ODD
Tim: NANIQUEWHAT? the hell is sparkling wide pressure?
Graham: How can pressure be sparkling?
>(A concentrated ball of electricity forms in Jupiters hands and she
>flings it at Godzilla. Godzilla raises a hand to block the ball
>and it explodes against his outstretched palm.
Tim: How is a ball WIDE?
>He roars in pain as the blow actually succedes in stinging him. Naturaly,
>Jupiter has no problem getting Godzilla to follow her now. Just to make
>sure, she periodically fires bursts of lightning at him as she leaps from
>roof to roof.)
Graham: (Imitating old man) Cut out that racket on my roof, I tell ya if It's not one set of fighting kids and giant atomic dinosaurs, it's another
Tim: (Old woman) well at least that girl and piglet haven't been in our bathroom recently
>Jupiter:(Her confidence growing) Hey, I might be able to beat this guy after
>all. You know what they say, "The bigger they are...."
Tim: We've been through this part before, but okay; The larger the wallet?
Graham: The better to see you with?
Ataru: The bigger the... I can't say it, too sick, even for me
>(Godzilla's back spikes begin to glow. He opens his mouth and lets out a
>large stream of blue fire. The fire obliterates the roof, along with the rest
>of the building,
Graham: (old man) I said cut that damn racket out!
>Jupiter is on and she gracefully leaps [o.k., o.k. she
>actualy gets blown head over heals] off the roof and lands face first
>in a pile of rubble on the street.)
Tim: She gets Blasted over a healing spell? What the nugget?
>Jupiter:(Grogily)".....the more stuff they break."
>(Jupiter looks up and wipes away blood that drips from a small gash
>on her forehead.
Ataru: I thought her forehead was covered by a Tiara?
Tim: It is, and her clam is covered by very little.
>She sees that even though the attack started only about an hour
>ago, Godzilla has already decimated a good portion of the city.
Graham: Godzilla always was an efficient machine of destruction.
Tim: Yup, he destroys most cities faster than power rangers would my appetite
>The landscape in front of her is a mural
Graham: "Destroyed City", going for $30
Tim: I'll give you my two cents for it
Graham: Sold!
Tim: This mural SUCKS! There's my two cents
of collapsed and burning
>buildings. She hears Godzilla's ear spliting roar and flips over on her
>back and looks up. She sees Godzilla rear back his head and she rolls
>for her life.
Tim: Rollin', Rollin', Rollin' on a river...
>The stream of blue flame misses her enough where it doesn't kill her
>but it does hit her in the arm and she screams in pain as it gives her
>third degree burns.
Tim: If it hit her in the arm the heat around it WOULD kill her.
>Now Godzilla is about to step on her.)
Graham: (godzilla) Nothing personal, but I'll step on anyone I gotta to reach the top
>Jupiter:(Cringing) Oh Man! What a lousy way to go!
>(Just as Godzilla is about to put his foot down,
>jet fighters shoot a volly of missles at him and hit him square in the
>back. The force of the blast sends Godzilla a few crucial inches
>forward and his foot misses Jupiter by mear inches.
>Her body flops out from the wind blast, but for some reason she
>doesn't go flying off.
>Jupiter: That was too close. (Trys to get up.) Hey, what's going on? I
>can't get up.
Tim: The perfect position, BRING IN THE TENTACLE DEMON!
>(Meanwhile, the military has arived and is firing everything it's got at an
>angry Godzilla. Tanks fire their shells, soliders fire bazookas, Mazer Tanks
>fire their blue energy beams.
Ataru: Blue energy beams, I think Lum's ship has those
>More squadrons of jets arive and fire their missles. A soilder runs
>over and we see that it's Solider2 from before.)
Graham: Hey, how'd he go from a soilder to a solider?
Tim: Instant promotion?
>Solider2:(Kneels next to Jupiter) Are you alright?
>Jupiter: Yeah, but I can't move.
>Solider2: Why not?
>Jupiter:(Face flushed with embaresment) Godzilla's... uh... he's
>standing on my ponytail.
Tim: So get off the pony and get yer tail outta there!
>Solider2:(Draws his survival knife) Then I guess it's time for a haircut.
Tim: (Imitating Makoto) Just a little of the top please
>(S2 uses his knife and cuts Jupiter's ponytail near Godzilla's foot. Then
>he helps her to her feet.)
>S2: I'm disobaying orders trying to rescue you, so let's get out of the
>line of fire.
>SJ: Fine by me. (Thinking) What a HUNK!!!
Tim: -'A Hunk of Burning Love
>(The two of them run away from Godzilla as the military continues
>to fire. They ocasionally swerve to avoid stray shots that miss their
>targets.
Tim: Their target is the size of the Tokyo Tower and they manage to MISS?!?
Graham: It's called aiming, people! Try it!
>One shot blasts the two of them into the air
>and SJ grabs S2 and carries him further.)
>S2:(Shocked) Hey! How are you.... Hey wait a minute! Your Sailor
>Jupiter!
Graham: Here, lady, you dropped your Jupiter a while back
>I thought you ladies were just a myth.
>SJ:(amused) Do I look like a myth?
>S2: Definatly not. (Thinking) Doesn't FEEL like one either.
Ataru: (freaks out, then freaks even more when he dicovers the Acme gender bender gun has done it's work (for obvious reasons))
Graham: I might like to be in that soldier's shoes right now, or at least just his gloves
>(Finally Godzilla has had enough. Instead of his regular burst of flame,
>his fire comes only a few inches out of his mouth.
>This encourages the military and they fire with more intensity.
>However, it seems the flame was just a signal that the big G was
>powering up a more powerful attack. Beams of light shoot from his
>form and one big burst of white light fires out in all directions from
>his body.
Tim: Hey, he knows the Divine Light!
>The Nucular Pulse Blast spreads out and SJ and S2 [Who SJ has put
>down] watch as the Blast destroys every last military vehicle in sight.
Tim: However, the ones just behind Godzilla were untouched
>They also notice that the Pulse Blast is aproching rapidly. S2
>trips and falls to the ground.)
>Jupiter:(Stops running) Hang on! I'll carry you.
>Solider2:(Waves her off) No time. My legs busted. Get going.
>(Pushes her away hard)
Tim: Guess he liked her a lot
Graham: Even if his leg was busted she could carry him to safety. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?
Tim: Graham, this is Sailor Moon, the heroines never know anything!
>The names Michles...(smiles) it was nice knowing you
>(The Pulse Blast hits Michles and he screams in pain as he is obliterated.)
Graham: Oh c'mon, he'll back in the next episode, for sure!
>Jupiter: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I-I just met him.
>(The Blast convinently fades as it's mere centimeters from Jupiter.
All: NO WAY!
Tim: That is just like the TV show to end the all destroying blast JUST before it hits the heroines
Godzilla
>sees the little mite in green and a dim memory of a being like that trying to
>hurt him flashes through his mind. He decides to destroy this little problem
>once and for all. The chase continues to the docks and Jupiter is more than
>a little distrested.)
Tim: Trested? Isn't that the act of wearing clothes?
Graham: So she's naked?
>Jupiter:(Hysterical) I just met him. I just met him. I just met him. THAT
>DOES IT!!! OKAY YOU BIG GREEN ASSHOLE!!! THIS IS IT!!!
>FINAL SHOWDOW!!!
Tim: It's not easy being green...
>(Jupiter turns to face Godzilla and crosses her arm across her chest.
Graham: To cover her hopefully bare boobs?
Ataru: You're starting to sound more hentai then me, now
>The giant saurian growls.)
>Jupiter:(Concentrating) Oh great and mighty Jupiter, I call for you to
>give me all the power you command to help me destroy this evil being
>that stands before me.
Tim: Hello, this is Zeus/ Jupiter, sorry, I'm not in right now, but...
>SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON BINDER!!!!!!
Graham: She's throwing decorated school supplies at him? It's crazy but it just won't work.
>(Gigantic bolts of electricity form into a gigantic dragon, it flys toward
>Godzilla and wraps around him. Then it explodes and the ground
>Godzilla is standing on is atomized. He is knocked backwards into
>the sea and goes under the waves, out of sight.)
Ataru: She must swap secrets with Lum
Tim: Bah, kid stuff
>Jupiter:(Obviously exausted and in great pain) I-I g-g-got h-h-him.
Graham: Abidi-abidy-abidy- that's all folks!
>(Her power exaused she turns back into her normal self. As soon as
>she does Godzilla rises out of the sea and roars. He looks none the
>worse for wear.)
>Makoto:(Eyes wide in shock) No. It can't be.
>(Godzilla stands and looks at the city. The one he is searching for is no
>longer there, so the city holds no more interest for him and he decides to
>swim for home.)
Tim: that was needlessly cryptic
Graham: (pouring water over head to become a rabbit) I'd be peeing my pants if I wore any!
>Mako: He's leaving? (Laughs hystericaly) That's right, run away! Ha, Ha!
>(Mako faints dead away from the pain in her arm and exaustion. She
>awakens an unditermined time later in a hospital bed.
Tim: I'd say six days give or take a week, and I'd prefer take
>She looks around and sees LUNA, a little black cat with a gold cresent
>moon mark on her head, standing on her chest.)
Graham: Author seems afraid of Luna, to be shouting her name
Tim: I bet Artemis would like to be there
>Luna:(Very worried) Makoto are you all right?
>Mako:(Weakly) Yeah. How'd you get in here?
Graham: Bribed the producer?
>Luna: I snuck in the window. Usagi and the others are in the waiting
>room. (Sounding angry) I WARNED you not to fight Godzilla, but
>would you listen to me? Noooo. You're getting as bad as Usagi.
Ataru: I hope Makoto becomes a bad girl, then maybe I could...
(gets hammered)
>(Gestures at Makos arm) Do you know how lucky you are that you
>didn't get radiation poisoning from this?!! (Grows worried again as
>Mako groans)
Graham: So Lucky I could win the lotto?
Ataru: So lucky I could get any girl in the country?
Tim: So lucky that if I launched a missile straight into the air, it would land directly on Oscar's head?
Graham: I thought that happened anyway.
>Are you really all right? You did good you know. You won.
>(Makoto looks out the window, runs her hands over her cut ponytail
>and remembers Michals and the disinterested and disapointed look
>she would swear to her grave she saw on Godzillas face as he turned to
>leave. She sighs.)
Tim: I thought his name was Michles, not Michals.
>Makoto: Did I?
Graham: I know I didn't
>And on that chearful note.......
> THE
> END
>********************************************************
>Well, that's that. Hope you enjoyed it. I've always wanted to write
>something with Godzilla in it. Now that this is out of my system, I'll go
>back to finishing Endworld: Moon Run. Hang in there, I've only got a few
>chapters left. See you then!
Ataru: what if we don't want to?
>May The Spirit Preserve You.
Tim and Graham: May the force be with us during the next Misty-fic
***Outer room***
Tim: Seeya Ataru
(Ataru jumps throught the guestway express back to Tomoboki)
Artlu: So, how was it?
Tim: Horrible, absolutely bad, for that rating I get 500 plus at least, SEEYA! (cuts transmission with Artlu) Actually, this was an okay fic.
Graham: It suffered from a few spelling errors, a few cliches, and the fact that Tokyo tower wasn't destroyed by Godzilla for the eighty millionth time.
Tim: Had the author just used a better spell checker, and gone over his works a little more thouroghly, it could've been a grade b+ fic
Graham: and Beleive me, from him, that's a good rating!
Tim: Until the next one, or until I post my next fic, SEEYA!
(hits transmission end button)
THE END
***
>Jupiter:(Hysterical) I just met him. I just met him. I just met him. THAT
>DOES IT!!! OKAY YOU BIG GREEN ASSHOLE!!! THIS IS IT!!!
>FINAL SHOWDOW!!!
You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/
comments appreciated, flames laughed at.
---
As said before, emails are very very dead, so PM or reply.
Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim Jewett
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
Where reality's hold is weak.
A spoiled rich kid named Artlu...
Revealed his scheme of the week.
"I'll send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that will really warp their minds. (lalala)
Then I'll go and get revenge...
and he won't be able to defend his hind!"
Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.
If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's none of yer biz'!"
and you really should relax.
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)
***Satelite of Lust 1 Pm***
Graham: Huh, where's Tim? Artlu's on the line. Not to mention, the opening sequence went by, and he usually blasts it to nothing!
(Graham runs out of the satellite, through the tunnel to the Phoenix, looking for Tim)
Graham: Dang, can't find him anywhere. Oh, wait it's saturday (runs to Tim's room, where Tim is still asleep) WAKE UP!
Tim: Huh? It's only One PM! You know the rules, nothing after noon and before 3 pm on saturdays! Wait, is that Artlu's comm I hear?
(He runs into the Satellite, Graham on his tail, and then waits for a minute)
Tim: Ya know man, we gotta stop doing lemons. They kinda get sickening after a while, not to mention, they take away valuable mordancy time
Graham: JUST HIT THE BUTTON!
(An image of Artlu's place appears on the comm screen, with locus description: Artlu's place)
Tim and Graham: (humming the theme to Melrose place)
Artlu: Hello you two mindless miscreants
Tim: We're not miscreants, we're Mr. creants!
Artlu: (groan) Anyway I got you another commentator, but the one I hired got lost-
Graham: was he wearing a yellow bandanna?
Artlu: So I got you a temp, he should be there in...
Ataru: Hey, we seeing any Lemons today?
Artlu: No actually, It's a little piece called, well I'll let you find out in the theater.
Tim: Anyway, I was thinking, we really need to get like an invention excha- (Sirens wail) What the? I didn't know we had a movie sign.
Graham: You're usually first in the theater.
(They enter the theater, remnants of what used to be doors line the path into it.)
Tim: Guess I took those a little fast the last time.
Graham: So, what is the fanfic today?
>SAILOR JUPITER
>V.S.
>GODZILLA
Graham: OH YEAH! GODZILLA!
Tim: This isn't your Nidoking ya know.
Graham: I DON'T CARE!
>THE BIGGER THEY ARE....
Graham: The worse they tip?
Tim: The ranker the fart?
Ataru: The softer they are...(drools)
(Tim smacks Ataru with weighted stave, namely his mallet, "Baka")
>*********************************************************
Tim and Graham: Oh, It's Christmas at ground zero...
>Hi! Flashman here
Tim: (on the phone) Hello, Capcom?
Graham: I'll bet he's a "wily" fellow
Tim: I'll bet he likes to "Rock" and "Roll"
Ataru: Rolllll... (drools)
(they smack Ataru)
>to bring you the mismatch of the century. We're
>talkin' MAJOR mismatch here.
Ataru: Happosai vs. C-ko?
Tim: Meowth vs. Nuku Nuku?
Graham: Lum vs. Cologne in a beauty contest?
Ataru: Please don't mention Lum
Tim: (To the tune of "Lump") She's Lum, She's Lum, this girl can fly... She's Lum, She's Lum, makes grown men cry...
>First of all, I will be using the new Godzilla timeline to tell this story.
>(Godzilla 85 to Godzilla V.S. Detroyer)
Graham: I never saw the Destroyer one.
Tim: Is this before or after his battle with the unemployment agency?
>One word of warning if your not a Sailor Jupiter fan,
Tim: screw you.
Ataru: Hey man, don't worry, I'm a fan of, who was it again?
(Ataru is hammered again)
>like my first FanFic "Personality Split"
>none of the other Sailors will be here.
Graham: As they are currently in court, testifying against Oscar.
Tim: Nice one.
Artlu's comm: No they're in an orgy fanfic I'll be showing later
Graham and Ataru: WOOHOO!
Tim: Artlu, shove it up yer rectal orifice.
>This story will have Mako and Mako alone.
Ataru: So she's gonna be-
(He gets hammered)
>If you have any suggestions, any comments on stuff I've got posted
>already, any complaints, please, Please, PLEASE, E-Mail me
>at MXJK67C@Prodigy.com.
Graham: He sounds lonely
Tim: Are you lonesome tonight?... Is your kitchen a sight?...
Ataru: Um, yeah, why?
(They just stare at him)
>Legal things: Godzilla is the trademark of Toho Studios. Sailor Jupiter is
>the property of Naoko Takeuchi. On With The Show!!!
Graham: BOO, BOO! WE HATE LEGAL JUNK! BOO!
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>(As our story opens we see the city of Tokyo.
Tim: I feel compelled to show a badge and have the theme to Dragnet play right now
Ataru: I think I can see my house!
Graham: Sure you can.
>Suddenly, the loud, whinning, unmistakable sound
Tim: DUCK, It's Akane!
Graham: Mousse is the duck, not Akane
Tim, No, but she was once a, no, twice a,
Tim and Graham: Three times a tomboy...
>of an evacuation siren goes off. Also we can hear someone
>over some kind of P.A. system saying.....)
Tim: (PA) Yes this is the vice principle of our lovely Gravitron high speaking, would whoever just totalled my car with a missile please report to my office immediately?
Graham: (PA) 'Dis is 'da principle speaking, if any of you Kahunas and Wahiine's don' wanna be gettin da buzz and bowl cuts, you gotta find me in three days!
Ataru: (PA) Note: All attractive single girls please report to the home of Ataru Morobishi, at-
(They hammer Ataru)
>VOICE: Evacuate imediatly! Godzilla has been sighted in the Tokyo
>Bay area and is moving towards the city! Evacuate in a clam
>and orderly fashion! Do not panic!
Tim: This is Godzilla, Gamera was the one with the two little thingies in that clam.
>(Naturaly, everybody IS panicing.
Tim and Graham: NO DUH!
>People grab bags, fill cardboard boxes with momentos they can't part
>with,
Graham: (imitating Paige fox) And this is my beachwear bag, and this is my beach makeup bag, and this is my beach accesories bag, did I forget anything?
Tim: (Imitating Jason) How 'bout a beach barf bag?
>grab children by the arms,
>and run, get on trains, planes, and automobiles,
Tim: I didn't know Gene Wilder was in this
>and generaly do whatever it takes to get out of the city before the giant
>bohemoth arives.)
Tim: Aaaahgh! It's the attack of the fifty foot Oscar! KILL IT!
>(However, the scean focuses on an apartment complex and one
>apartment in particular.
>In this apartment we see a tall, green eyed, brown ponytailed,
>girl. Her name is MAKOTO.
Tim: Anyone attemping the theme from Shaft will be swiftly dealt with.
>At this time she is furiously packing bags and mutttering words
>under her breath which are not fit for print.....)
Makoto:(VERY angrily)[Unprintable] [Unprintable] [Unprintable] [Unprintable]
monster, [Unprintable] [Unprintable] [Unprintable], why'd it have to come
here?!?
Tim: I shall translate this
Graham: Careful, remember what the censors said about that Lum fic we Mst'd, ya know, the one where Ataru became a gi- Never mind.
Ataru: What, what what?
Tim: ANYWAY, she said: Mxafrxm flyxtatpism juxtaposition monster, knick-knack-paddy-whack gvadgabn, why'd it have to come here?
Graham: I was expecting worse
Tim You'll get it too
>(Mako finishes packing and grabs her bags.
Ataru: WHOA! (he nosebleeds and faints)
Tim: Whatta hentai, let's turn him into a girl
(pulls out an Acme gender bender blaster, and shoots it at Ataru full blast)
>Two duffle bags on each arm, a suitcase in each hand, another duffle
>bag around her neck, and another clenched firmly in her teeth.)
Graham: Think she packed enough?
Tim: I think she forgot her industrial strength hairdryer. Her truss too.
>Makoto:(Thinking) I would much prefer to fight this thing than run away, but
>Luna says that, "To destroy Godzilla would take more energy than it did to
>destroy Queen Metallia... and you know how much THAT took."
Graham: No, we don't, please tell us.
Tim: Of course, it's not like any of the girls actually LISTEN to Luna, but...
>I sure do Luna,
>it's a moot point anyway since Usagis father decided
>that they should leave a week earlier. I guess his parinoia paid off
>for a change.
>(Makoto rushes out the door with her bags whipping in all directions.
Tim: Interesting, sui-sadomasichism, with luggage no less...
>As she reaches the street she sees a large contingiant of tanks, jeeps,
Graham: What's contin? and why would anyone wanna make a giant out of it?
>vehicles with large devices that look like satalite dishes on top
Tim: I know what they use those for, and It's not legal if yer under 18
Graham: Who cares about legal?
>[Mazer Tanks], jet planes, and all sorts of military hardware moving to
>face Godzilla. Loud explosions can be heard comming from the Bay
>area.)
Tim: SORRY! I ATE MEXICAN!
(Ataru wakes from the noise)
>Makoto:(Thinking) Good luck you guys, you're going to need it.
>(Now we see GODZILLA himself.
Graham: YEEHA! GO GODZILLA, WHUP SOME CITY ASS!
Tim: My money's on the insurance company. (imitating an insurance rep) "I'm sorry sir, your policy does not cover acts of fifty story lizards"
>He is swiming in the bay, approching the city rapidly. He is not
>unopposed though, the Japanese navy is dumping everything
>they've got at him.
Ataru: THROW it at him, stupids!
Tim: Well, he got off one good one
>The ships and helicopters are firing shells, rockets, torpedos, and
>bullets. They all explode against Godzilla's reptilian skin,
>causing absolutly no damage.
Tim: But then he got a splinter in his finger, and the day was saved!
Graham: Would those be clam shells by any chance?
Tim: If they are, I hope they have beards.
>He roars in anger at the foolish little mites who think they can hurt
>him.
Tim: Here I come, to save the day!... I'll take it no one got that
Graham: The mighty mouse cult is long dead.
Tim: Well people still know who he is, at least.
>He rears back his head and then shoots it forward
Ataru: I thought he was a lizard, not a tranformer.
>releasing his patented burst of blue flame.
Tim: I've seen, and made better
Graham: But, you're not a fire elemental
Tim: No, but I did eat Mexican food
>Everything in its path is obliterated and Godzilla roars in triumph as
>he continues his march to Tokyo.)
Tim and Graham: Oh, and the saints... Come marching in... Oh, and the saints come marching in...
>Solider1:(Watching from nearby and putting down a pair of binoculars as he
>turns toward his friend, SOLIDER2)
Graham: Hey Hiroshi, check out the naked chick in Apartment 214!
Tim: Forget that, Daisuke, check out that couple three floors up!
Ataru: I think I know those guys
>Did you see THAT?!?
Graham: What? I can't see anything!
>Solider2:(Nods nervously) Yeah.
>Solider1: Afraid?
Tim: Not at all! Umm, do you have some underwear I could borrow?
>Solider2:(Laughs nervously) Terrified.
>Solider1:(Pats a Sailor Moon braclet on his right wrist.) Don't be. You
>forget we have the Sailor Senshi on our side.
Ataru: but can't we make it the sailor senshi venus 5?
Graham: Sounds good to me!
Tim: Don't encourage him Graham, he leaves stains like you wouldn't believe.
>Solider2: I never thought that you'd believe in THAT myth.
>Solider1: I tell ya they're real.
Tim: Just like underpants gnomes!
>Solider2: Man, if they were, do you think they would be able to go
>anywhere without getting mobbed. I mean there all babes, especialy
>Sailor Jupiter.
Tim: Oh and isn't it convienient that she's the star?
Graham: I thought he didn't beleive they existed
Tim: Not to mention, how would they know what the sailors looked like? PLOT HOLE ALERT!
Graham: Speaking of looks, their diguises aren't much of ones
Tim: Wait, he said "there babes" (looks for babes) guess he's going blind, like Ataru, and maybe for the same reasons too (drumroll, cymbal crash)
>Voice of a General:(Yelling) YOU TWO! BACK TO YOUR
>REGIMENTS! BE PREPAIRED TO MOVE TO POSSITION
>DELTA!
>Both Soliders: Yes Sir!
Tim: (Imitating a soldier, very loud) Stupid sorry ass little myxaflxl... (continues for thirty seconds)... AND YOUR MOTHER WEARS HIGH HEELED COMBAT BOOTS, TA BOOT!
Graham: I think my eardrum just ruptured
Ataru: I think my skull just shattered
>(Back to Makoto. We now see her running through the streets. It's quite
>obvious that she's lost.)
Tim: I think it was the fact that she kept passing the same boy in a bandanna that tipped her off
Graham: (imitating Makoto) Well, I saw a pig in a bandanna this time, so I must be getting somewhere!
>Mako:(Thinking and looking left)
>Maybe it's this way. (Looking right) ...or maybe that way.
Ataru: Please let her looking for my house, please...
>(Looking forward) Oh, I'm never going to find my way out of
>the city to the evacuation center.
Tim: Here's some advice. Look for anything that's fifty stories tall and green, then run away from it!
>(Loud, rythmic booming sounds, like footsteps, along with screaming
>is heard.
Tim: Barney must be near, for such screaming
>Makoto looks in the direction of the sounds and her eyes go wide.
Tim: They were already wide
>She gets a first-person view of the King Of The Monsters
Tim: (imitating Makoto) Is that a nuclear warhead stuck in your thigh, or are you just glad to see me?
Graham: Isn't King of the Monsters an SNES game?
Tim: Yup, and with NO relation to Godzilla whatsoever
>crashing through the streets. She also sees that Godzilla is about to
>step on a bunch of frightened children who are hidding under a large
>cardboard box.)
>Mako:(Thinking) Oh My GOD!
Graham: Isn't she a Shintoist?
Tim: Must... resist... urge to make bad A! megamisama joke...
>I've got to do something. (Shouting) MUPHEPER FAR FOUMER!
>MAFE PUP!
Tim: Muber Huban Marfelheimen!
Graham: What did you two just say?
Tim: Not telling
Ataru: Does it have anything to do with sex?
>(Spits the duffle bag strap out of her mouth and drops all
>of her other bags.)
>Lets try that again. JUPITER STAR POWER! MAKE UP!
Tim: What a time for cosmetics.
>(Makoto transforms into SAILOR JUPITER. The symbol on her
>transfomation pen spins and she is surrounded by lightning.
>Then the lightning bends over her
>body and turns into a sailor uniform with a green dress
Tim: Overly flashy, I prefer fighting with the essentials, gloves, so weapons don't slip, jacket, for carrying weapons, swords... Oh yeah, and clothes so you don't get arrested for indecent exposure.
Graham: What brought that on?
Tim: No real reason, just that the scouts overdress in some areas and ironically enough, underdress in others.
and a large
>green bow on her chest.)
Ataru: LOSE THE BOW, LOSE THE BOW!
Tim and Graham: LOSE THE REST, LOSE THE REST!
>Sailor Jupiter:(Jumps onto a nearby roof and aims at Godzilla)
>SUPREME THUNDER!!!
Tim: Yes, I'd like one order of fries, a drink, and a Supreme Thunder, to go, please
>(A lightning rod pops out of her tiara and a large bolt of lightning
>comes down from the sky.
>The lightning connects with the rod and Jupiter directs it through her
>body and at Godzilla.
Graham: That should've fried her clothes off
Tim: Wait! that means the power isn't hers! she's getting it from somewhere else!
>The lightning hits Godzilla and he turns toward Jupiter in anger at the
>little creature who actually thinks that it can hurt him.)
Graham: You talking ta' me, punk?
Tim: No, I'm talking to da pigeons
>Jupiter: Come on Big Boy, follow me! SPARKLING WIDE
>PRESSURE!!!
Ataru: That's sounds, well, just ODD
Tim: NANIQUEWHAT? the hell is sparkling wide pressure?
Graham: How can pressure be sparkling?
>(A concentrated ball of electricity forms in Jupiters hands and she
>flings it at Godzilla. Godzilla raises a hand to block the ball
>and it explodes against his outstretched palm.
Tim: How is a ball WIDE?
>He roars in pain as the blow actually succedes in stinging him. Naturaly,
>Jupiter has no problem getting Godzilla to follow her now. Just to make
>sure, she periodically fires bursts of lightning at him as she leaps from
>roof to roof.)
Graham: (Imitating old man) Cut out that racket on my roof, I tell ya if It's not one set of fighting kids and giant atomic dinosaurs, it's another
Tim: (Old woman) well at least that girl and piglet haven't been in our bathroom recently
>Jupiter:(Her confidence growing) Hey, I might be able to beat this guy after
>all. You know what they say, "The bigger they are...."
Tim: We've been through this part before, but okay; The larger the wallet?
Graham: The better to see you with?
Ataru: The bigger the... I can't say it, too sick, even for me
>(Godzilla's back spikes begin to glow. He opens his mouth and lets out a
>large stream of blue fire. The fire obliterates the roof, along with the rest
>of the building,
Graham: (old man) I said cut that damn racket out!
>Jupiter is on and she gracefully leaps [o.k., o.k. she
>actualy gets blown head over heals] off the roof and lands face first
>in a pile of rubble on the street.)
Tim: She gets Blasted over a healing spell? What the nugget?
>Jupiter:(Grogily)".....the more stuff they break."
>(Jupiter looks up and wipes away blood that drips from a small gash
>on her forehead.
Ataru: I thought her forehead was covered by a Tiara?
Tim: It is, and her clam is covered by very little.
>She sees that even though the attack started only about an hour
>ago, Godzilla has already decimated a good portion of the city.
Graham: Godzilla always was an efficient machine of destruction.
Tim: Yup, he destroys most cities faster than power rangers would my appetite
>The landscape in front of her is a mural
Graham: "Destroyed City", going for $30
Tim: I'll give you my two cents for it
Graham: Sold!
Tim: This mural SUCKS! There's my two cents
of collapsed and burning
>buildings. She hears Godzilla's ear spliting roar and flips over on her
>back and looks up. She sees Godzilla rear back his head and she rolls
>for her life.
Tim: Rollin', Rollin', Rollin' on a river...
>The stream of blue flame misses her enough where it doesn't kill her
>but it does hit her in the arm and she screams in pain as it gives her
>third degree burns.
Tim: If it hit her in the arm the heat around it WOULD kill her.
>Now Godzilla is about to step on her.)
Graham: (godzilla) Nothing personal, but I'll step on anyone I gotta to reach the top
>Jupiter:(Cringing) Oh Man! What a lousy way to go!
>(Just as Godzilla is about to put his foot down,
>jet fighters shoot a volly of missles at him and hit him square in the
>back. The force of the blast sends Godzilla a few crucial inches
>forward and his foot misses Jupiter by mear inches.
>Her body flops out from the wind blast, but for some reason she
>doesn't go flying off.
>Jupiter: That was too close. (Trys to get up.) Hey, what's going on? I
>can't get up.
Tim: The perfect position, BRING IN THE TENTACLE DEMON!
>(Meanwhile, the military has arived and is firing everything it's got at an
>angry Godzilla. Tanks fire their shells, soliders fire bazookas, Mazer Tanks
>fire their blue energy beams.
Ataru: Blue energy beams, I think Lum's ship has those
>More squadrons of jets arive and fire their missles. A soilder runs
>over and we see that it's Solider2 from before.)
Graham: Hey, how'd he go from a soilder to a solider?
Tim: Instant promotion?
>Solider2:(Kneels next to Jupiter) Are you alright?
>Jupiter: Yeah, but I can't move.
>Solider2: Why not?
>Jupiter:(Face flushed with embaresment) Godzilla's... uh... he's
>standing on my ponytail.
Tim: So get off the pony and get yer tail outta there!
>Solider2:(Draws his survival knife) Then I guess it's time for a haircut.
Tim: (Imitating Makoto) Just a little of the top please
>(S2 uses his knife and cuts Jupiter's ponytail near Godzilla's foot. Then
>he helps her to her feet.)
>S2: I'm disobaying orders trying to rescue you, so let's get out of the
>line of fire.
>SJ: Fine by me. (Thinking) What a HUNK!!!
Tim: -'A Hunk of Burning Love
>(The two of them run away from Godzilla as the military continues
>to fire. They ocasionally swerve to avoid stray shots that miss their
>targets.
Tim: Their target is the size of the Tokyo Tower and they manage to MISS?!?
Graham: It's called aiming, people! Try it!
>One shot blasts the two of them into the air
>and SJ grabs S2 and carries him further.)
>S2:(Shocked) Hey! How are you.... Hey wait a minute! Your Sailor
>Jupiter!
Graham: Here, lady, you dropped your Jupiter a while back
>I thought you ladies were just a myth.
>SJ:(amused) Do I look like a myth?
>S2: Definatly not. (Thinking) Doesn't FEEL like one either.
Ataru: (freaks out, then freaks even more when he dicovers the Acme gender bender gun has done it's work (for obvious reasons))
Graham: I might like to be in that soldier's shoes right now, or at least just his gloves
>(Finally Godzilla has had enough. Instead of his regular burst of flame,
>his fire comes only a few inches out of his mouth.
>This encourages the military and they fire with more intensity.
>However, it seems the flame was just a signal that the big G was
>powering up a more powerful attack. Beams of light shoot from his
>form and one big burst of white light fires out in all directions from
>his body.
Tim: Hey, he knows the Divine Light!
>The Nucular Pulse Blast spreads out and SJ and S2 [Who SJ has put
>down] watch as the Blast destroys every last military vehicle in sight.
Tim: However, the ones just behind Godzilla were untouched
>They also notice that the Pulse Blast is aproching rapidly. S2
>trips and falls to the ground.)
>Jupiter:(Stops running) Hang on! I'll carry you.
>Solider2:(Waves her off) No time. My legs busted. Get going.
>(Pushes her away hard)
Tim: Guess he liked her a lot
Graham: Even if his leg was busted she could carry him to safety. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?
Tim: Graham, this is Sailor Moon, the heroines never know anything!
>The names Michles...(smiles) it was nice knowing you
>(The Pulse Blast hits Michles and he screams in pain as he is obliterated.)
Graham: Oh c'mon, he'll back in the next episode, for sure!
>Jupiter: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I-I just met him.
>(The Blast convinently fades as it's mere centimeters from Jupiter.
All: NO WAY!
Tim: That is just like the TV show to end the all destroying blast JUST before it hits the heroines
Godzilla
>sees the little mite in green and a dim memory of a being like that trying to
>hurt him flashes through his mind. He decides to destroy this little problem
>once and for all. The chase continues to the docks and Jupiter is more than
>a little distrested.)
Tim: Trested? Isn't that the act of wearing clothes?
Graham: So she's naked?
>Jupiter:(Hysterical) I just met him. I just met him. I just met him. THAT
>DOES IT!!! OKAY YOU BIG GREEN ASSHOLE!!! THIS IS IT!!!
>FINAL SHOWDOW!!!
Tim: It's not easy being green...
>(Jupiter turns to face Godzilla and crosses her arm across her chest.
Graham: To cover her hopefully bare boobs?
Ataru: You're starting to sound more hentai then me, now
>The giant saurian growls.)
>Jupiter:(Concentrating) Oh great and mighty Jupiter, I call for you to
>give me all the power you command to help me destroy this evil being
>that stands before me.
Tim: Hello, this is Zeus/ Jupiter, sorry, I'm not in right now, but...
>SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON BINDER!!!!!!
Graham: She's throwing decorated school supplies at him? It's crazy but it just won't work.
>(Gigantic bolts of electricity form into a gigantic dragon, it flys toward
>Godzilla and wraps around him. Then it explodes and the ground
>Godzilla is standing on is atomized. He is knocked backwards into
>the sea and goes under the waves, out of sight.)
Ataru: She must swap secrets with Lum
Tim: Bah, kid stuff
>Jupiter:(Obviously exausted and in great pain) I-I g-g-got h-h-him.
Graham: Abidi-abidy-abidy- that's all folks!
>(Her power exaused she turns back into her normal self. As soon as
>she does Godzilla rises out of the sea and roars. He looks none the
>worse for wear.)
>Makoto:(Eyes wide in shock) No. It can't be.
>(Godzilla stands and looks at the city. The one he is searching for is no
>longer there, so the city holds no more interest for him and he decides to
>swim for home.)
Tim: that was needlessly cryptic
Graham: (pouring water over head to become a rabbit) I'd be peeing my pants if I wore any!
>Mako: He's leaving? (Laughs hystericaly) That's right, run away! Ha, Ha!
>(Mako faints dead away from the pain in her arm and exaustion. She
>awakens an unditermined time later in a hospital bed.
Tim: I'd say six days give or take a week, and I'd prefer take
>She looks around and sees LUNA, a little black cat with a gold cresent
>moon mark on her head, standing on her chest.)
Graham: Author seems afraid of Luna, to be shouting her name
Tim: I bet Artemis would like to be there
>Luna:(Very worried) Makoto are you all right?
>Mako:(Weakly) Yeah. How'd you get in here?
Graham: Bribed the producer?
>Luna: I snuck in the window. Usagi and the others are in the waiting
>room. (Sounding angry) I WARNED you not to fight Godzilla, but
>would you listen to me? Noooo. You're getting as bad as Usagi.
Ataru: I hope Makoto becomes a bad girl, then maybe I could...
(gets hammered)
>(Gestures at Makos arm) Do you know how lucky you are that you
>didn't get radiation poisoning from this?!! (Grows worried again as
>Mako groans)
Graham: So Lucky I could win the lotto?
Ataru: So lucky I could get any girl in the country?
Tim: So lucky that if I launched a missile straight into the air, it would land directly on Oscar's head?
Graham: I thought that happened anyway.
>Are you really all right? You did good you know. You won.
>(Makoto looks out the window, runs her hands over her cut ponytail
>and remembers Michals and the disinterested and disapointed look
>she would swear to her grave she saw on Godzillas face as he turned to
>leave. She sighs.)
Tim: I thought his name was Michles, not Michals.
>Makoto: Did I?
Graham: I know I didn't
>And on that chearful note.......
> THE
> END
>********************************************************
>Well, that's that. Hope you enjoyed it. I've always wanted to write
>something with Godzilla in it. Now that this is out of my system, I'll go
>back to finishing Endworld: Moon Run. Hang in there, I've only got a few
>chapters left. See you then!
Ataru: what if we don't want to?
>May The Spirit Preserve You.
Tim and Graham: May the force be with us during the next Misty-fic
***Outer room***
Tim: Seeya Ataru
(Ataru jumps throught the guestway express back to Tomoboki)
Artlu: So, how was it?
Tim: Horrible, absolutely bad, for that rating I get 500 plus at least, SEEYA! (cuts transmission with Artlu) Actually, this was an okay fic.
Graham: It suffered from a few spelling errors, a few cliches, and the fact that Tokyo tower wasn't destroyed by Godzilla for the eighty millionth time.
Tim: Had the author just used a better spell checker, and gone over his works a little more thouroghly, it could've been a grade b+ fic
Graham: and Beleive me, from him, that's a good rating!
Tim: Until the next one, or until I post my next fic, SEEYA!
(hits transmission end button)
THE END
***
>Jupiter:(Hysterical) I just met him. I just met him. I just met him. THAT
>DOES IT!!! OKAY YOU BIG GREEN ASSHOLE!!! THIS IS IT!!!
>FINAL SHOWDOW!!!
You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/
comments appreciated, flames laughed at.
---
As said before, emails are very very dead, so PM or reply.