StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Mordancy Sarcasm theater 4000
By Tim
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
Well actually last week.
An evil jerk, name of Artlu...
To himself started to speak.

"I'll send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that will really warp their minds. (lalala)
Then I'll go and get revenge...
and he won't be able to defend his hind!"

Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.

ASSISTANT ROLL CALL!
Graham: These suck!
Guest: Why me? Why?
Zoom: I'll just stay out here...
MAX: Oscar must die!

If your wondering how he eats and breathes...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's none of yer biz!"
and you really should relax.
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)

Sattelite of Lust, sometime after the continuum

Tim: GOD DAMMIT, where's that missile launcher?
Graham: well the credits are gone now, so it's not important. Say, who's the guest this time?
Makoto: Hey, where the hell am I?
Tim: Answer your question?
Makoto: And who the hell're you?
Tim: I'm Tim, that's Graham.
Makoto: Hey you're cute (to Tim)
Graham: I hate to break up this tender moment, but Artlu's calling...
(Artlu's place)
Artlu: What a lovely picture, and how lucky that your guest is a star in the very same fanfic! you Also have a Ranma short before the actual fic, enjoy...
Tim: Nanda? a Salior Scout fic? Why do we always haveta do these? Well anyways, what about our invention exchange?

Artlu: Oh, okay. MELVIN!!!!!!! bring out an invention!! (Melvin does so)
Ah, Yes, my Alien mind control ray.
Graham: What's so new about alien mind control rays? the're common as all!
Artlu: Yes, but this is one that will control the ALIEN'S minds, not the humans, so I can call an alien down to hold any city hostage, sadistic ins't it?
Tim: Yes, but I can easily jam the damn thing with Ragnarok's ECM and jammer units.
Artlu: and I suppose you've done better? hmmmm?
Graham: Yup, and His is a doozy! Show em Tim.

Tim: Well, this is the Lech Blaster four thousand. when used against a Lech it will blast the shit out of them, or give them some other... appropriate punishment. When in the hands of a lech, it will self destruct.
Artlu: What happened to the other 3999 lech blaster models?
Tim: I hadda make it strong enough to handle happosai, didn't I? the others hadda be scrapped since they couldn't handle him.
Artlu: (frustrated): Melvin, make it slow and painful... (storms off)


(sirens wail and everyone rushes into the theater)

door six: It's a brick wall, you use the breaking point on it and pass on
door five: There doesn't seem to be a door five, you ask a boy in a yellow bandanna for directions, and suddely are at door two
door two: It's a pile of Happosai's panites, you gleefully burn it
door one: Happi blocks it for what you did to his panties. You gleefully burn him, too (with the Lech Blaster 4000, obviously)
door zero: It's the cockpit door for Wing Zero, you hop inside and it makes you think you are in the theater. then you fall out, land on your butt, and walk into the theater using the entrance the commentators use, like any idiot would have.


>karmin.stjean@the-spa.com wrote:
>
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: I haven't labeled this a lemon since there is no
>sex in the story and although Ranma accuses Ryoga of raping Akane
>she wasn't raped but simply made to look like she had been by
>someone who wanted to dishonor both her and Ryoga.

Tim:(blinky blinky noises) Umm okay, there goes any point of reading the actual story...

>Also, Genma might seem callous as he's calling for everyone to
>come and eat during all of this,

Graham: He's Out of char!
All: (proceed to sing "He's out of char" to beethoven's fifth)

>but he's been busy with his meditation and doesn't know that Akane's
>been hurt at this point in the story.

Tim: I'm a lean, mean Panda machine, I'm a lean mean...

>Third, Ryoga is *not* dumped in Spring of Drowned Girl by Ranma

Makoto: good for him!

>but rather doused with a little of the instant variety that Shampoo has
>with her. Although Onna-Ryoga doesn't become P-chan this is *not* an
>indication she is cured. The normal curse has been temporarily
>overridden, *not* cured. Once the year is up, Ryoga will go back to
>turning into P-chan whenever he's doused with cold water.

Graham: Year?
Tim: Instant variety only last an hour in a moderate dose, it'd take wayy too much to last an entire year

> So here goes:
>
> RANMA 1/2: Untitled.

Graham: The title doesn't wat to be seen with the story
Makoto: always the hallmark of bad stories


> "Ryoga!"

Tim: (does a parody of the Mickey Mouse sound off, finishing with...) Anette! (points at Makoto)

> Ryoga Hibiki turned. "Ranma."
> "This belong to you?"
> Ryoga turned and saw the bandanna Ranma was twirling. "Yes."

Makoto: how does he turn twice and still be able to see the bandanna?
Tim: This is Ryouga, he's got such a bad sense of direction he can turn around walking in a straight line!

> He went over and Ranma punched him in the jaw.

Tim: More likely Ranma would've made the first move of killing ryouga, since the author's already oh so nicely given away the plot...

> "Ranma! What the hell?!"
> "That's for Akane!" Ranma snarled.

Tim: actually, it's because I hate that stupid bandanna!

> "Akane?! But...?"
> "I knew you wanted her, but to do what you did..."
> "What the hell are you talking about Ranma?"
> "You raped her."

Graham: I'm totally suprised, no, wait, no I'm not, false alarm...
Tim: this is way too calm to be a conversation 'twixt these two, ya know. And I mean for when they're getting along.

> They'd been fighting while this was going on and had gotten so
>wrapped up in the battle that they hadn't realized they were now in

Graham: WHAT BATTLE?

>the middle of the training hall. Thus, Ranma's accusation had been
>heard by quite a few people.

Makoto: well, no duh!
Tim: Actually I doubt the dojo would be open at that time...

> "I didn't..." Ryoga insisted.
> "This bandanna was found around her wrists, man!" Ranma accused.
>"You didit and then you tied her up so she couldn't go for help."

Tim: And Ranma knows this how??? Ryouga throws so many of those anyone could've picked one up, like HAPPI! Anyways, mebbe he did it beforehand?

> "Akane will tell you it wasn't me."
> "Akane's in a coma."

Makoto: A coma? yeah right
Tim: Yep, Akane's tougher than that
Ranma: Yeah she's built like an Ox.
Makoto: Where did you come from? You know, you're cute, did you know you remind me of my old-
(Akane appears behind Ranma and hits him with a mallet, then drags him back out of the theater)
Graham: See Akane CAN'T be in a coma, she just smacked the shit out of Ranma!

> Ryoga was horrified. "What?!"

Makoto: I didn't rape her! I just... kinda well, didn't know where I was going and my-
Tim You'll stop now, and I'll finish. and my-
Graham: You'll stop now, for the sake of all that is.
Tim: Bugger!

> "Nice try," Ranma remarked. "But it won't work."
> "Ryoga!"
> Ryoga and Ranma looked up.

Makoto: into the rafters?
Graham: Maybe it's god?
Tim: or a long distance phone company, they always catch you when you least expect it.

> "Shampoo?"
> Shampoo had something in her hand.

Tim: Air?
Grahm: Blood?
Makoto: love potion number... 68?
Tim: You mean the one where you do me and I owe you one?
Makoto: I'm sorry I said anything...

> "You hurt Akane."

Tim: Like shampoo would CARE that her biggest obstacle in her way to Ranma is gone (yells to author) WHAT IS WITH YOU MAN, DO YOU KNOW NOTHING OF RANMA ONE HALF?
Graham: I've lost another eardrum...

> "I did not!" Ryoga insisted.
> "Women are toys to you."
> This was getting out of hand.
> "I nevr touched Akane!" Ryoga screamed. "Ranma let me up! Don't
>pour...."

> A woman's voice finished: "...that on me! Eeeeeeeeeek!!!"

Makoto: What, did Buns get hit?

> Ranma released his grip on Onna-Ryoga and stood up.
> "You spend a year as a woman." Shampoo told Onna-Ryoga.

Graham: Yes, with an hour dose of Instant Spring (little tm symbol)
Tim: That reminds me I need to make an Instant run.
Makoto: For ramen?
Tim: No for Instant Springs (little tm sybol), them's good eatin'!
Graham: I don't know if he's kidding or not...

> "Change me back this instant!" Onna-Ryoga fumed.

Tim: (preps hot water) you'll just get turned back ya know Ryouga. And I could make a bad Instant pun here, but I won't

> "You know, you're cute as a girl." Ranma pointed out, leaning
>forward as if to kiss her.

Tim: HAYL NO! Ryouga just raped Ranma's girl, and now he wants to KISS onna- ryouga?? BULL-
Graham:SHIT!

> "CUT THAT OUT!" Onna-Ryoga screamed
> *SPLASH!*
> "Hey!" Onna-Ranma yelped.
> "No rape Onna-Ryoga." Shampoo scolded.
> "I wasn't gonna rape her!" Ranma sighed. "I was just going to kiss
>her."

Makoto: well gosh darnit she's an evil, evil bastard, but she soo damn cute that I gotta...

> "Promise?" Shampoo asked.
> "Promise." Ranma noddd.
> *SPLASH*
> Ranma leaned forward and closed his eyes, inching closer to
>Onna-Ryoga. His lips touched something soft and furry. Furry? He
>opened his eyes and found himself face to face with Shampoo's cat
>form.

>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!"

Tim: YYEEEEHAAA! SLICED, DICED, AND JULIAN FRIED RYOUGA!!
Makoto: HUH?
Grahm: Neko-ken. Ranma's afriad of cats
Makoto: So?
Tim: when it comes to a peak he becomes a cat and kicks some serious ass!

> Onna-Ryoga snickered, amusedly, to herself as Ranma ran past her, arms
> flailing.

> "I'll get you, Ryoga!" Ranma cried, running back out of the house,
>chasing after Onna-Ryoga while reading off some suggestions for some
>pork-based dinners.
> "Not funny, Ranma!" Onna-Ryoga called out.
> "... shish-kebab, spare-ribs ...."
> "RAMEN!!!"

> They both stopped in their tracks.

> Genma was in the doorway of the Tendo Training Hall. "Come and
>eat before it gets cold. You can play later."

Graham: I doubt Genma would A: call out to them, Kasumi usually does this, and B: he's eat it all himself!


> ***

> Onna-Ryoga climbed out of bed. "I'll find who really attacked Akane."
>She vowed.

Tim: apparently he can't come to grips that Akane was RAPED!

>"Then Shampoo will turn me back to my true form and

Tim: He can rape Akane for real!

>Ranma will be forced to publically apologize to me."

Tim: NOPE!, not gonna happen.

>She packed a few things, then slipped off quietly into the night...

Graham: and next found himself in Paris, France...

> (to be continued in chapter 2: "Onna-Ryoga".)

Tim: GOOD FOR IT!

> p.s. Ryoga seems callous in the last scene but that is because right
>now he can't bear to think that Akane's been hurt. He can't deal with
>that, so he's focusing on his own honor as a means of coping with a
>situation he cannot handle.

Makoto: (little hand waving motion) Suuuuure. you just go on believing that.


"Sailor Moon Meets The Backstreet Boys"
By: Sailor Backstreet

Graham: May I do the honors?
Tim: be my guest.
Graham: HIYAAA!
(He hits the author with a long-distance Metal Baseball Bat of Justice.)

E-Mail: sailorbackstreet@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13

Tim: Bit high for a sailor fic, if ya ask me.
Graham: Unless you count the hentai ones.
Makoto: Yeah, Ami's a big fan of those.
(They both look at her.)
Makoto: Well she is!

Author's Notes: Greetings! This is a crossover of my
favorite group of guys, the Backstreet Boys, and my

Both guys: BOOO HISSSSSSS!
Makoto: I've never heard of them myself.
(Both guys start to shoot things at the screen, including cows, UFO's, Sailor Moon merchandise,boulders, small planets, etc.)

favorite group of gals, the Sailor Scouts. In this,
Darien has been exiled to real life by an enemy, while

Tim: THAT IS REAL LIFE FOR THEM!
Graham: God no, not reality/ fiction explanation...
Makoto: the author of this is messed up!
Tim: Well you should see the one where you fight Godzilla!
(Tim pauses the fic and Makoto reads the aforementioned fic.)
Makoto: Um...
Tim: Sorry bout the comments about you, no offense intended.
Makoto: None taken, cutie.
Graham: Tigris is gonna hurt you, Gray.
Tim: Probly...

everyone else is still in Sailor Moon Land. :)

Graham: Sailor Moon Land? *BLINKY BLINKY*

I've made
a few age changes to the Scouts: Serena, 20; Lita, 21;
Amy, 20; Raye, 21; and Mina, 20. Darien is 27.

Tim: 'Scuse me, but Darien is not seven years older than Serena, I might believe five, but not seven!
Graham: Don't make him have to explain it; it'd take a baseball bat to convince- can I do it, please?

In case
you don't know, the Backstreet Boys are: Nick, 19;

Tim: the gay one...

AJ, 21;

Graham: the ugly one...

Brian, 24;

Makoto: The other gay one...
Tim: Nice intercept, Makoto!

Howie, 26;

Graham: The other ugly one...

and Kevin, 27.

Tim: The really ugly gay one!

Actually all the BSB have girlfriends,

Tim: Except they don't...

but of course in here they don't.

Graham: Of course! Why not completely change everything?

I'm playing this as I go, and I hope you like it. I don't own anything mentioned here. I'm sorry if I get London all wrong and the other England stuff but I've only been
there once. Let me know if you like this!

Tim: Hey, yer bound to get everything wrong!
Graham: And a little more too.

Chapter 1

Serena walked down the street, glad to know that for
once she wasn't going to be late. Raye

Makoto: I believe you mean you mean "Rei!"
Tim: I hate it when people spell her name with an -aye!

had called a Scout
meeting that morning at 10:00AM, and since all of them
were out of school(except Amy, who insisted on going to
college despite her job as Sailor Mercury), this was a

Makoto: Job? It's a frikkin' lifestyle!
Tim: Besides, you dun actually get paid to be the Sailors, so you need to get part time jobs anyways. Demon hunting on the other hand, is very profitable, as demons seem to be in the habit of carrying large sums of money on their persons at all times...

good time for them. It was 9:50AM now, and she was only a
few blocks away from Cherry Hill Temple. 'Raye can't yell
at me today,' Serena thought smugly. 'Except for my hair.
But she can't complain of my laziness because I got up
extra early to make sure I was on time!'

Graham: I think a week was enough don't you Luna?
Tim: (Impersonating Luna) COFFEECOFFEECOFFEEMUSTHAVECOFFEE EHEHEHEHEHE!

"Look," Luna called, walking up to a nearby poster.
"This wasn't here yesterday, and I've heard nothing of
them on the news. Do you know who these men are?"

Tim: Ten to one says it's an evil force in disguise!
Graham: You're on!
Makoto: I'm siding with Tim for this one.

The poster was light teal with five men in in white
clothing standing in a group. The word 'Millennium' was
plastered across the middle. Serena looked at it as
though it came from outer space. "I have no idea who they
are...hey, that one's cute!" She suddenly cried, pointing

Makoto: typical Usagi...

to the blonde at the back of the group. Luna glanced up
at him with a shrug.

Tim: I was right! pay up!
Graham: Dang! (pays up)

"It doesn't matter what they look like. This spot has
bad vibes, and I think this is one of Theron's schemes."
Luna explained, exasperated with having to tell Serena
everything.

Tim: and Theron would be...?
Makoto: The big baddie du jour I suppose?
Graham: No, du fic.

"Oh, Luna." She sighed. Her guardian cat was talking
about their latest enemy, Theron, whose main goal was to
get rid of the Scouts and Tokyo, then revive all the past
enemies the Scouts had destroyed. He had a black upside-
down moon on his forehead like the members of the
Negamoon had, but he had a totally different style than
his past comrades.

Tim: For one, he's almost their only male enemy.

Already he had exiled Darien to
another dimension, and had threatened he was going to do
the same to them. No matter how hard the Scouts fought,
they could never get even close to him. They were
beginning to think they had met their match. "Why would
Theron put a poster on the wall?"

Graham: Hey, advertising pays off, just look at big tobacco!

"I don't know, but we'll have to discuss it with the
others." Luna looked back at the poster, narrowing her
eyes. "Come on, you meatball-head!" She said, thinking
nothing of it.
Serena stopped and turned around, her eyes stinging
with unshed tears. That name was still sensitive to her,
since it was Darien's pet name for her.

Tim: He hasn't called her that since he found out that she was Sailor Moon, stupid!
Makoto: Anyway it was an insult to her!
Graham: Not to mention, why would Luna call her that?

She missed Darien
dearly and she had cried herself to sleep on several
occasions. No one knew where he had gone or how to get
him back. "Luna," She began, her voice breaking. "I
specifically told everyone never to call me that."
Luna instantly remembered and regretted her flakiness
for forgetting. "Forgive me, Serena, but no one can
change the fact that Darien is gone. You have to face
that and move on."

Graham: (Luna's voice) So start walking already!

Serena nodded slightly, a single tear escaping her
guard. She glanced back at the poster. "Millennium," She
whispered. Then she looked at her watch, annoyed to see
she had five minutes to get to the meeting. With one last
glance, she turned and ran for the temple.

Makoto: Um, wasn't she facing towards the temple anyways?

*********************************************************
**************
In London, UK....

"And in entertainment news tonight, the whole world
went crazy as the Backstreet Boys' new album, Millennium,
was released worldwide today. Girls all across the globe
crowded excitedly in lines to get into music stores as
early as 5:00 last night. Already, their recent first
single off the album, 'I Want It That Way', has been sky-
rocketing through the charts, possible heading for the #1
position. Just today, Millennium has sold millions of
copies, multi-platinum on its first day. Right now,
Brian, Kevin, Howie, AJ, and Nick are going on tour in
Europe, kicking off in Belgium. In other news..."

Makoto: Clinton has taken a Japanese girl named Usagi as an intern?
Graham: Britney got yet another boob job?
Tim: Oscar is dead?
Tim and Graham: Ding dong, the freak is dead!
Makoto: Who's Oscar?
(Tim pauses the fic and shows her Artemis's Lover.)
Makoto: Remind me to kill him once this is over.
Tim: Sorry, we have people on it already.

Darien tuned out the TV. Life here was much different
than it had been in Tokyo. First of all, his Serena
wasn't here, and that made him both extremely homesick
and lonely. It was strange: he was on Earth, in London,
England. Yet when he had gone to Tokyo to find Serena, he
hadn't found any signs of anything in his 'past life', as
he was beginning to think of it as. No one had ever heard
of Sailor Moon, the Scouts, Sailor V, not even his own
self, Tuxedo Mask.
He had grown accostomed to what his roommate
constantly referred to as 'the real world'

Tim: Hmm, didn't know Mamoru liked MTV.

these past two months. Jeff Williams,
his roommate, was the only one who knew where Darien had
really come from, and what he had left. Darien was now
Darien McGuire, a raven-haired, sapphire-

Graham: SHOW ME THE SENSHI!
Makoto: Ow, stop shouting! (hits him ,HARD!)
Tim: Ya know, I could learn to like you.

eyed shop owner near the Piccadilly

All: What's the Picadilly, yo?

District who sold
astrological supplies. Telescopes, constellation books,
moonscapes, astronaut biographies, anything related to
the moon or space was in his shop. And he was making good

Tim: What a big surprise...
Graham: The better to bore us with?
Tim: Pretty much, yeah.

business, too. He and his roommate shared one of the more
luxurious apartments in London, and both rode the subway,
called the Underground, to work.
Jeff was an artist, and a good one at that. He had
made such a realistic portrait of Darien that sometimes
the real Darien mistook the picture for a mirror.

Makoto: If a mirror looked like a child had drawn it, that is.
Tim: Hmm, you might be the best one we've had yet, besides Ranma.


Whether
he did it on accident or if he did it to please him, Jeff
would never know. Jeff was 28, with bronze-tinted brown
hair and lively green eyes. He was the one who had sold
Darien his shop space, which was adjacent to his own
shop. He did portraits of anyone would pay the 15 pound
fee, and sold art supplies on the side. He had the best
prices on art stuff, and therefore what business he
lacked in his drawings he made up for. Sometimes Jeff
would carry a pencil with him and draw miniature
portraits of girls he met on napkins, hoping to impress
them. This was his technique when they went clubbing at
night.
"Those Backstreet Boys," Jeff muttered in his British
accent as he strolled into the apartment carrying a
McDonald's bag and sat down next to Darien on the couch.
"Think they've got the whole world willing to fall at
their feet. It's because they're American, you know."

Tim: No, it's 'cuz they're pathetically popular, it was the same with the Spice Girls.

"They seem like good enough guys. They do have the
whole world-of girls, anyway-willing to fall at their
feet. Besides, their music's pretty good." Darien
replied.

Tim: (stifles his laughter)

"Sure. I just can't see what they've got to make all
these girls crazy that we don't have."

Graham: Lesse, fame, fortune, a record label...
Makoto: They're gay...

Jeff complained,
biting into his Quarter Pounder. "Oh, yeah," He added,
"Here you go, Darien. I got you a number 2, is that
alright?"
"Yeah, sure. Whatever." He took the food from Jeff.
"We still on for our martial arts practice?"
Jeff winced. "If I've got to. I don't see why you have
to do this everyday."

Graham: At least it beats his watching Toonami daily.

Darien didn't reply. Instead, he changed the subject.
"Any famous people today?" He asked, referring to Jeff's
paintings.
"Yes, actually." He answered. Darien wasn't too
shocked. Jeff was so talented he had a knack for
attracting the rich and famous. "Miss Catherine Zeta-
Jones stopped by today." Jeff whistled. "I'd have given
her the fifteen pounds for her to let me draw her!"
"Have a celebrity crush, do we?" Darien teased,
beginning to learn the people of Hollywood. He'd met a
few at the shops.

Makoto: Why would the people of Hollywood be in London?

"She's more beautiful than anyone else I've met, I
tell you." Jeff agreed.
Darien shook his head. "You haven't met my Moon
Princess."

Tim: I have, and boy was that interesting... (see last MST4K for details)

*********************************************************
**************
Back at the Cherry Hill Temple....

Graham: Can't it be at the lost cherry hill temple?
Tim: Hmm, if it's got a well, can I summon Inu-Yasha to slice Theron in two so this all ends?

Serena fidgeted as Raye chanted her spell to look into
the Great Fire. It had been two months since she lost

Makoto: Two months? No bad guy stays around for more than three or four weeks! I'll beat the crap outta them if they do!

Darien, and suddenly she felt there was a way to get him
back. In the back of her mind, she sensed the answer was
nearby.

Tim: Maybe in a poster?

"Oh, no!" Raye gasped, standing up. The other four
Scouts looked at her worriedly. There was Raye, Sailor
Mars, with her ebony hair, violet eyes, and fiery temper.

Tim: Just say black, stupid!

Serena, Sailor Moon, the crybaby with meatball-style
golden hair and deep blue eyes. Amy, Sailor Mercury, was
the blue-haired, blue-eyed brainiac. Lita, Sailor
Jupiter, the fighter, who was a green-eyed brunette. And
Mina, Sailor Venus, who was the blue-eyed blonde helper.
Each was both a Scout and a princess of their own
planets.

Tim: And I'm king of Draconus...
Makoto: You are?
Graham: Draconus no longer exists, Makoto.
Tim: Actually it does, but they call it Earth now for some odd reason

"There's a new enemy, in addition to Theron." All of
them gasped. "I can't tell its origin, but whoever it is,
they're teaming up with Theron."
"Like Theron isn't strong enough alone!" Mina
complained.

Graham: Of course he isn't.
Tim: He's no Artlu.
Graham: But Artlu's weak as hell compared to you!
Tim: Exactly.
Makoto: Are you guys that powerful?
Tim: I'd tell you, but you wouldn't believe it.

"They're watching our every move, so we must be
careful. They're going to strike when it's unexpected."
Raye concentrated. "They want to be rid of us in the
easiest way possible, without destroying us. Strong as
they are, they don't want our destruction on their
consciences."

Graham: I doubt they have consciences.
Makoto: They're bad guys, think about it!

"That doesn't make any sense!" Lita exclaimed. "The
only way they'll be able to get rid of us is destroy us!"
"Not so, Lita." Serena objected, her voice sullen. She
sighed. "They can exile us just like they exiled Darien."

Tim: Another thing, how exactly do they know Tuxy was exiled?

The other four froze. What the Moon Princess said was
true, and too true for them to say anything. All they had
to do was go into battle and disappear exactly like
Tuxedo Mask had. There was no way to fight something they
couldn't see or predict.

Tim: Yes there is, I do it all the time.
Makoto: What do you fight?
Graham: Himself, his own power.
Tim: Not a pretty sight when I lose...

"What can we do, Amy?" Raye finally asked.
Amy brought out her computer. She typed away
furiously. Then Sailor Mercury sighed. "Nothing. Theron
and his new teammate are laying low right now. I can't
even get a reading on where they are. The only thing we
can do is watch and wait. Then fight as hard as we can
when they attack."

Tim: And this is different from your old strategies, how?...
Makoto: I hate to admit it, but you're right...

This wasn't the answer they had wanted to hear from
the ever-trusty Amy. The Scouts wanted at least some hope
for their fates.
"Think of it this way. We know what they're going to
do to us. We can prepare." Mina suggested hopefully.
"How can we prepare for something we know nothing
about?" Lita asked solemnly, not getting a response and
not expecting one.

Graham: The Tome O' the future!
Makoto: We can't tell the future!
Tim: Doesn't matter, overprepare, it always works, then you won't need to worry about being underprepared.
Makoto: Makes sense, I guess...

"Scouts." Artemis interrupted their grim conversation.
"Luna has something of import to tell you. It may help
pinpoint the attack."
Luna nodded. "On our way to the temple, Serena and I
noticed something peculiar. Neither of us had ever seen
it before. It was a picture of five men. Let's go. They
may be Theron's new partners."

All: MAY? ARE!

At this bit of news the Scouts brightened. Looking to
one anothe, they all nodded in silent agreement.
"Moon Crystal Power!" Serena shouted, holding up her
crystal.
"Mercury Star Power!" Amy added.
"Venus Star Power!" Mina cried.
"Jupiter Star Power!" Lita exclaimed.
"Mars Star Power!" Raye yelled.

Makoto: Why did we transform? We're going to look at a poster. We could do that in street clothes!

After several moments the five girls stood,
transformed. Now they were the Sailor Scouts. All of them
had on white leotards, miniskirts, tiaras, bows,
chokers, and elbow-high gloves, each of their colors
varying by planet. Sailor Moon, the leader, had a blue
skirt, red knee-high boots, a red bow at both her back
and bust, red caps on the balls of her hair, a red-
jeweled tiara, and a red choker with a moon on it.
Sailor Mercury wore a blue skirt, blue knee-high
boots, sky blue bows at her bust and back, a blue-jeweled
tiara, and a blue choker. Sailor Mars had a red skirt,
red high-heels, a red bow at her back and a purple bow at
her chest, a red-jeweled tiara, and a red choker. Sailor
Jupiter wore a dark green skirt, dark green high-heeled
ankle-high boots, pink bows at her back and bust, a
green-jeweled tiara, and a dark green choker. Sailor
Venus had an orange skirt, orange high-heels with ankle
straps, a yellow bow at her back, a blue bow on her
chest, and a red bow in her hair, with an orange-jeweled
tiara, and an orange choker.

Tim: Note how the author feels the need to fully explain what they look like, as if we hadn't seen the show before?
Graham: Yet assumes we know enough about the Negamoons that we need not be informed?

"Let's go!" Mina suggested, and all of them bolted out
the door of the temple towards the mysterious
'Millennium' poster.

Makoto: As Chad stood, watching Rei transform, a camcorder in one hand and his-
Tim: You'll stop now.

*********************************************************
**************

Meanwhile, Theron and his new partner were watching
from somehwere unknown.

Graham: Rural Kentucky?

"Those are the enemies I told you
about."
His teammate, still in the shadows, nodded. "They've
grown since I last saw them, but as you have described
not much stronger."

Tim: If he knew them before, then why would Theron refer to them that way?
Makoto: Um, I just noticed, what does Theron look like? For all we know he looks like that Melvin thing!

"No. And with their Tuxedo Mask out of the way, no one
can save them when they come too close to danger." Theron answered.

Tim: I can, only too well, hehehe...

"So Cape Boy has been removed. Good. Where are they
going?"
"Falling directly into the trap I set for them. I
visited where I exiled that tux fellow, and this is a
poster of a group girls faint over. I decided to bring it
here and test it on the Scouts. I put a little Nega-
Energy into the thing, which of course alerted those dumb
cats of theirs." Theron explained.

Tim: Calling talking cats dumb, Theron is an idiot folks!

"What does the picture do to them?"
"You'll see." theron turned back to watching the
Scouts, a smile on his face.

Makoto: Which for all we know looks like its Serena's evil twin brother, who looks exactly like her!

*********************************************************
**************

"This is it?" Lita asked skeptically.
"It has to be. I feel major bad vibes." Raye replied.

Makoto: Most of them at moonromance.com, coming from a certain story by Sailor Backstreet...

"Well? What are we supposed to do with this thing?"
Serena demanded of her cat.
"I suggest we take it off this wall and let Mercury
examine it with her computer." Artemis told them.
"Ok. My computer is ready." Amy declared.
Lita tugged on the poster. There was a flash of light,
and then the Scouts became sparkles of their own colors,
sucking into the poster. Once all trace of the Scouts was
gone, the poster itself vanished, leaving Artemis and
Luna stunned. It had happened so fast the cats couldn't
even yell a warning.

Graham: Like it would matter.

*********************************************************
**************

Theron burst out laughing, watching as the two cats
sat on the sidewalk. "You see?"
"All they had to do was touch it. Very clever." The
partner paused. "Where did they go?"
"Somewhere they'll never return from, now or ever."

Tim: I seriously doubt that..
Makoto: Where did we go?
Tim: London UK, where Darien is, DUH!

(The Outer room)
Tim: Seeya Jupsy!
(Jupiter exits via the guestway express)
Graham: So, Artlu How much we get paid for those two?
Tim: Yeah, the first one was awful. Everyone acted OOC, like Ranma not killing Ryouga in the first three lines of the fic, and the author let the plot away in the beginning of the story, killing any need, or desire, to read it.
Graham: And as for the writer of the Sailor/ Moon Backstreet Boys crossover. they need to get a lot more facts about the scouts right.
Tim: Oh, and stop worshipping the Buttsucking Boys.
Artlu: Okay... Whatever. does a thousand bucks sound enough?
Tim: Ehhh, it'll do.
(Hits the signal end button before Artlu can move)

THE END
***

"So Cape Boy has been removed. Good. Where are they
going?"

You can reach me at Ktnablade@aol.com/
or graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com/

comments appreciated, flames laughed at.