StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blasts the opening sequence with a missile)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?

Satellite of Lust, sixteen minutes after some really important event I can't seem to remember right now.

Graham: I'm going to start smacking Artlu if he keeps sending these, I'm SICK of them!
Tim: Hey, what can we help it if so many of them suck? speaking of suck, we should be getting an episode of digimon up here, those suck so badly that we'd get millions for a single misty-ing!
(Ranma appears from the guestway express)
Ranma: Hey guys! I'm back for another round! (cracks kunckles) what we got this time?
Graham: Yet ANOTHER Sailor Moon fic, and this one isn't even a lemon!!!!!
(Klaxons wail)
Tim: Artlu jumped the gun this time, probly had nothing for the exchange...


>This takes place bewteen a week after the Nega-Moon Sister are
>healed and a week before the Scoutnapping of the others.

Tim: Whatever that means, it's probably important...

>She was not in her bedroom. All fours walls were cover with

Ranma: She being...?

>dark-yellowish plants. In the room was a monster about 6 feet, with
>golden hair.

Tim: I could say something REALLY Hentai here, but I won't
Ranma: Thank god.

>Her skirt was yellow. Her blouse was a yellow also. She was pale
>white in her face.

Graham: Tim, you had better not say anything Hentai here!
Tim: DAMMIT!

>Her hair was done up like a Greek Goddness of
>Love, Venus.

Graham: So it's in a bow like Mina's?
Tim: I'll bet she never does anything out of the goddness of her heart...

>"I'm Lungitie, server of Judge Brainitite.

Ranma: Server? like as in Internet?

>You are going to be senteced to death! Serena..or should I said Sailor
>Moon!"

Tim: Ummm no, you shouldn't! It's bad grammar.

>"Why?" asked Usagi

Ranma: So which is it, Usagi or Serena?
Graham: Only her hairdresser knows for sure!

>"Why?" mockly replied Lungitite, "It simple! I did want you
>to know about any memories of the past or of the future! I put
>you and her follow Scouts out!" It was follow by a wickly evil
>laugh!

Ranma: Riiiight.
Tim: And you learned english from who, Oscar?
Graham: What's wickly?
Tim: Like a candle? I dunno.

>Something was trigger by this remarked. I rember Raye was

ALL: IT'S SPELLED REI!

>calling about a yellow hair girl blowing down a couple of
>buildings.

Tim: Yo Ho, blow the place down...
Ranma: That sounded really hentai, for some reason.

>Raye and Lita was snorzing at the site as Mina, Amy
>and me get that site.

Tim: Snorzing. For some reason, that sounds totally Hentai.
Graham: Grammar?

>I draged out the Moon Secptor to drestory.
>But get it with something!

Tim: Draged? Secptor? Drestory? ummm, You sure you know english, kid?
Ranma: UMM, where did she get it from?
Graham: Oh, I dunno :coughs: Herkootch :cough:

>"Moon Secptor Elimation!"

>Nothing happens

Tim: Yo, stop switching tenses!

>"Uh..Oh?"

>Lungitite thunders "I found a way of prevent you from using
>your powers. You might this", she holds up a yellow frame mirror.

Ranma: Might what?

>It was dotted by green crystral at each color. The center was a
>clear as a dimanod.

Tim: Mirrors are supposed to be reflective, not transparent
Ranma: What's a dimanod?
Graham: some kinda demon, probably.

>Her Fuku was a black sailor Fuku. All of it. Her taira was
>also black.

Graham: One Sailor Fuku, Black. One Tiara, Black.
Tim: The difference between me and you? (flips on MIB shades) I make this look good!

>The brows were grayish color. Her face look as she was just in
>all-out bad battle with four Gernels of Queen Beryl plus the Queen
>herself. He hair was un-done.

Ranma: Gernel, sounds German.
Tim: ALL HEIL SAILOR MOON!
Graham: Ow, my eardrum...

>"How?"

Tim: I think "WHY THE (next ten seconds censored for the good of mankind) DID YOU DO IT?" would be a more appropriate Query here.

>"For us to know! For you to never found out!" yelled the
>monster. She becked for a server. He look like her execpt that
>he has blue jeans, red shirt, a green jacket. Also his haircut
>was like that of Darrien expect for the hair was brown. Darrien
>was black.

Ranma: Didn't know he was that hung.
Tim: Yeah, and Darien only has ONE "R"

>"I'm Liveritite, Lungitite, want do you want me to do?"

Tim: Well, where's AndOnionsitite?
Graham and Ranma: GROOOAAAAN!!!!
Tim: Why'd he introduce himself anyways? Lungy would know who he was, and the scouts don't need to know his name anyways.

>"Chain her up!"

Ranma: This gives a new meaning to SM... On second thought, no it doesn't.

>Liveritite dragged her into the next room. Look like the
>Lungitite's room expect that it was painted in the color of
>green.

Tim: Author makes it seem like there's more than one Lungy.
Graham: This Commentator is experiencing in the sense of lameness
Tim: What IS the color of green anyways?
Ranma: Blue, maybe?

>"If you don't follow by order! You will get a blast of very
>power lighting, more power them Prisma's and Queen Beryl's
>combine!"

Tim: So you'll touch a battery to their tongues?
Graham: Ouch, rough blow...

>Sarced stiff, Serema did as she was order. First, he order
>her to put her legs together.

Tim: I thought it was to open 'em up...

He put a heavy chair on her ankles.
>Next, he told her to lie on her side.

Graham: So, made rare, and immobile, Some new girl named Serema does as she was order.
Tim: I'll order some fries please.

>She was clip with another heavy chain on her hips. He ask for her to
>put out her arms. Then he chain her wrist with a third heavy chain.
>Finally he put a long chain, tying them around her legs, arms, body,
>and neck.

Ranma: Whoa, it IS S&M Sailor Moon!

>He summons a third monster, it look like a smaller then Nephritite.

Tim: So this monster looks like a smaller then, but how is Nephritite involved?

>"Bloodite, prision them with the others

Tim: Now is he a Positive or Negative fellow?

>until the Judge Brainitite is ready to make this case against them. A
>spirit might been help them out...not of the Moon of course!"

All: WHAT? COME AGAIN?

>"This is bad!"

Tim: (holding up a disc with Artemis's Lover on it) No, THIS is bad!

>She was tosted in the others. All of the of Sailor Scouts,
>Amy, Raye, Lita, and Mina, had they Sailor Uniforms turn inside
>out, the faces of them boodly as herself. Lita and Mina hair un-
>done. Lita's taira was off.

Tim: I'm not even commenting on that last paragraph...
Graham: Can't we take the rest of Lita's uniform off?

>"Us...ag...i..? You...are..here?" speaks Raye

Tim: No- I- am- not- Dave.

>"What happens to her?" asked Serena

Ranma: Well, what does happen to her?

>"Liveritite's lighting!", remarks Amy

Tim: Again, what about and onionsitite? And how the hell do they know liveritite has lightning? They just met the bugger!!!

>"What about the color black on our Sailor Fuku?" asked Serena.

Graham: Just use some bleach, that'll get the color out right away.

>Amy answers that one.

Ranma: Good for her, but why do you keep switching tenses?
Tim: Again, maybe the author learned from Oscar?

>"Lungitite told me. Long time also, she dress up as Sailor Venus. He
>found and stolen an disc from us. He stolen the Scouts' disc.

Ranma: Whoa, Tsubasa!
Tim: A crossdressing evil minion, whodathunkit?
Tim and Graham: US, OF COURSE!

>Usually in past, it was worked by me. He found that if the Scouts
>uniforms were take off and turn inside out all of the part of uniform
>turn black..including taira, which halts power to us."

Tim: Okay, lemme get this straight. If you strip the scouts and turn their clothes inside out, and put them back on, you get the scouts in black with no powers?
Graham: (hums theme to Men In Black)

>"Lita, why is you taira off?" questioned Serena

Ranma: stop switching tenses, and/ or narrators!

>"Liveritite knows that I contain the Thunder of Jutiper!",
>remarks Lita.

Tim: GOOD FOR YOU!!!! hey, Wait a sec, if the power was halted, even to the tiara, then why would they need to take the dern thing off?????
Graham: Who's Jutiper?
Tim: Al Gore's Semetic wife? I dunno!

>"When are were going to meet Brainitite?"

>"In two-Nega days, according to Blooditite!

Ranma: which approximates about three minutes earth time.

>He are guard for us. Either he might think we are stronger then this,
>or he is going to carry to the judge area." Amy replaced.

Ranma: Replaced what? Her tampon?
Tim: Another thing. If they know HOW the power was cut to them, why dun they just strip, reinvert their clothes, and get their powers back?
Graham: Good point. of course this IS Sailor Moon, and the heroines never see the obvious answers, EVER!

>"What about Luna and Artimis? Can the help?" asked Serena.

Graham: Can the help what?

>"Luna and Artimis were thinking about the future.

Tim: TOTAL RANDOMNESS AWARD! you will now be doodl-waop, nickmlop, and forthiubfher, in the spirit of all randomness.
Graham: You also mispelled Artemis. When he gets done killing Oscar, he'll be at your house next.

>When I call you, meat-ball brain!" thunders Raye.

Tim: Hey, Lita's the one with the thunder!
Ranma: What's that supposed ta mean anyway? I declare another total randomness award.

>She look at the room. On the wall was magnets to keep them
>standing up. The floor and ceiling were normal dugoen floors.

Tim: Here I must steal a quote from the original Mst3k, about the magnets. "That would mean something if you were made of metal"

>"We are doomed!" thunder Serena.

Tim: Again, the joke about Lita having the thunder.

>********************************************************

>In a dark room. Two of server of Brianitite are wating for him.

Ranma: another "of something of" this kid don't know grammar at all.
Graham: And what's wating?

>Brainitite is wearing a white mask and robes. His hands are gloved.

Tim: GOOD FOR HIM!!!

>"Judge Braintite, Blooditie is guarding the person!",
>Lungitite. Liveritite has Jutiper's Taira!"

Graham: My head hurts from looking at this...

>"Good work! If this plan success, Lord Malita will appear
>again! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Ranma: and WHY do they want that to happen?

>**********************************************************

>Meanwhile, Serena and her friends, found out that they can
>not sleep in this area.

Ranma: Dude, this author really sucks!
Tim: Ever hear of an apostrophe, kid?

>"Sailor Sapings, trying to sleep! Forget it! That ray give
>your guys enough sleep to stay awake for 1 week. Ha Ha Ha!"

Tim: So they wouldn't WANT to sleep. and give sleep? you mean energy?
Graham: Sapings?
Tim: By The Way, LEARN YOUR PUNCUATION!!!

>After Blooditite found them taking about Powers of
>Lungitite, Liveritite, himself, and who might be helping them.

Tim: Again, I can't even begin to comment on that sentence.

>*******************************************************

>With a lot of hours, the hear a creek of the door. It was
>Blooditie having key in hand. He look at them.

Ranma: Whoa, this is more hentai than the Lemons Akane and I read! uhh, I didn't say that...
Tim: Ranma, you just made that sentence five times as hentai

>With a evil voice, "It time to been judged!"

Tim: Anyone with a stalone joke will be given the stave.
(Graham winces)

>First, he conjude up 4 warriors, each of warriors pick up on
>of the Scouts. Then he pick up Sailor Moon.

Ranma: (imitating soldier) Hey baby, wanna go on a date?

>"Here were are!"
>The room was sliver all-over with some red blood spots here
and there.

Tim: For my unsightly red spots, I use Blooditite Bleach. guaranteed to get Blood and annoying midget minions out and how!

>A warrior loops a chain around each Scouts and her chair. It
>thens loop the five chairs arround a center post in the back of
>room.

Ranma: Bondage Musical Chairs!

>A group of Nega-Versers appears.
>"Hee Ya, Follow Monsterous of the Nega-Verse. Raise for the
>honour of Judge Brainitite!"

Tim: Whoa, a Kentucky courtroom!

>The monsters stand up

Ranma: Now if they can just learn to walk!

>"Judge Brainitite, you may wait to set down again."

Graham: Set WHAT down?

>The monsters sit back down.

>"Sailor Moon, your and your team have been beat up on youma
>and cardiens with out a reason.

Graham: And self defense and not allowing people to die AREN'T REASONS?!?!?

>"That I..." started Serena

Tim: "...Am actually allowing this fic to live is beyond me" Tim finished.

>"SLIENCE!" - thunders Judge Brainite. "I bring a some dead
>gernal

Tim: Well, if they're dead, what's the point?
Ranma: For some reason I get the idea we may be hearing of a "Weekend at Nephlite's" fic soon.
Graham: No, but you've probably given Tim the idea to...

>and others to take my side. I going to short they names,
>first Gernal, Jade appears!

Ranma: Lemme guess, anyone attempting a Mortal Kombat joke will be given the stave?
Tim: Well, if it wasn't for the fact that I want to "Finish" the author, yes.

>Jeditie appears.

Ranma: Use the force, Serena!

>"Jeditie, what happens at the airport?"

Tim: You show up an hour early to be on time, only to learn that your flight has been cancelled YET again?

>"The Scouts had Sailor Moon beening crash by a air-plane.
>Then, I look to found that I lone in the airport with two planes
>Next, I fogged stopped. In front of me was Sailor Moon, Sailor
>Mercury, and Sailor Mars. Mars used on of her charms on me.

All: Well, isn't she a Lethal Lolita!

>Sailor Moon throw her taira at me. I knock me into a airport. I
>was lucky to have another energy in me..

Graham: Nega-Energizer, it just keeps going and going and...
Ranma: What's a taira?
Tim: The same thing a Gernal is, mebbe?

>to return to the Nega-Verse, but old Queen Beryl trap me in a
>crystral. Oh, by the way, thinks for the break of my Entreal Sleep!

Graham: The sleep of his entrails?

>Jeditite disappear

>"Zoy" thunders Brainitite

>Zoyicite appears

>"You ring?"

Tim: Even I can't resist this one. ( Imitating Gomez from Addam's family) "Yes, old boy, and where's Thing?"

>"Zoy, tell me want happen at the Starlight Tower!"

>"Starlight Tower?

>We have success gotten the seven rainbow crystals. He fought I
>success in getting ready of Tudexo Mask, Sailor Moon's saver.

Ranma: Screen Saver?

>He throw a ice staff at them. When she that Tudexo Mask was hurt,
>she begin crying. It began with the floating crystral merge together to
>found a crystral. It was a Sliver Empire Crystral.

Graham: AHHHHH! THE SLIVER EMPIRE, RUN!!!!!
Tim: It's Sailor moon, not magic the gathering.
Ranma: Somehow, I prefer the army of monsters to this fic...

>It then float to the wand of Moon, which heals the great shadow
>warriors.

>Then zombishly, she touch it.

>Her Scout uniform was torn, but under that was the dress of Princess
>Serienty. After a short memory, I was shot with, I qoute, "Comic Moon
>Power!". The Prince faints back into Sailor Moon.

Ranma: She saw Serena's memories?
Tim: Bugger, Zoey's a psycho!
Ranma: Don't you mean psychic?
Graham: Whatever.
Tim: "Comic moon power", that's a funny attack, I'll bet...

>Malachite appear and stolen Tudexo Mask away. I was blasted
>by Queen Beryl and death with my love, Malachite.

>Zoyicite moves other, "Judge, can I call upon my love?"

>"Good right ahead!"

>"OK! Mala! Summoned!"

Ranma: So anyone can summon any of the old sailor enemies, huh?

>Malachite appears

>"Brainitite! I ready to told who I dye!"

Ranma: Hmm, negaverse hairdressers, whodathunkit?

>"Good right head!"

Tim: Not even I will touch that one...

>"I was hurting the two cats that are the guardians of Sailor
>Scouts. When suddenly. I see them again. If it was a hour since I
>saw them last. I make energy knifes.

Graham: Malachite, he slices he dices, he makes Julian fries!

>I hurt the five scouts. They combine the power with that of Sailor
>Moon. She saids some about being Sailor Moon, the Moon Princess
>and my worst nightmare.

Tim: I just got a funny double image of rambo in a sailor outfit, and sailor moon with Rambo's armor.
Ranma and Graham: Yep.

>She uses her stick to bound back by attack to me. With a yell to Zoy,
>over there. I dyed!"

>Zoyicite and Malachite disseapars.

> "That is allway. If you want to use a reply. Been my
> quess! It will not help your."

Ranma: Help her what?

>"Serena will be help on Nephritite's word!"

>Nephrite appears

>"Tell J.B. over there, who you were killed!"

Tim: So we're on initial basis with mister brains on his robes now, are we?

>"OK! I just save a human from Zoitcite's hit squard!"

>"What? That impossible? Countite? This is hooking me?"

Graham: One! One crappy fanfic!
Ranma: Two! Too many spellling errors to count!
Tim: Three! Three disgruntled commentators!

>"We run into the park. Molly removes a piece of her night
>gown on my worm.

Tim: and all the other male monsters in the area started complaining about injuries after that too!
Graham: I'm noting that the night gown was put on his WORM!
Ranma: Yeah, who knew his pet got hurt too?
(Drumroll, cymbol crash)

>One of Zoicite demon appears to threw a deep weapon in my arm.

Tim: Well, isn't that a deep thought...

>It was torn to piece so I not know what kind. Molly removed the

Ranma: What was torn, the weapon, the monster, your arm?
Tim: I suggest this fanfic...
Graham and Ranma: AMEN!

>weapon. Then Sailor Moon and her friends used their powers to get
>rid of Zoidicite monsters. I died tell the Sailor Moon secret is saved."

>"Is Molly, the girl?"

>"Yes!"

>Nephrite disseapers

Graham: That was totally pointless.

>"Al from the Doom Tree."

>Ann and Al appears.

>Brainite said "Al and Ann"

>"Expect how your love?

>"Simple.

Ranma: NOT TO ME IT AIN'T!

>Ann was after Darrien, soul mate to Serena, why I try to get her.

Tim: Nobody, except for Naoko Tekeuchi, will ever know.
Ranma: HELL, maybe not even her!

>After a why, the Scouts connect us to the what the medina called a
>strange memtoritite.

>Ann have blasted the Moon Light Knight, into the Tree. Serena told
>her to it to stop. We both learn the orign of the Doom Tree. I thought
>that I fail to get the correct energy.

>Sailor Moon used her secptor to drestory the tree. Ann was reviled
>and we leave." said Al

Graham: Who reviled Ann?

>Ann added "..and that the end of that story!"

Tim: If only it were!!!!

>"Judge Brainite! You win, Sailor Moon, Liveritite undo the
>chains."

(they all blink)
Ranma: They actually kept their words?
Tim: That, and there was no sentence or proclamation of not guilty. this kid dun know howta do a court scene!


>Mutturs of acient words appears and the Scouts chain have
>disseappers and Lita's taira is back on.

>"Judge Brainite, order you to take his back, it will help
>her to back to normal,

Ranma: so his back will make her normal
Tim: Makes about as much sense as the REST of this fic.

>just look for a computer."

>Serena and her friends appear in a room full of computers.

Graham: Well, they'll never find a computer there...

>"Why are where?" ask Serena

>"My computer school!" repley Amy, setting down and loading
>the disc.

Ranma: She set it down, then loaded it while it was set down...

>"The disc saids to talk off all parts of the Scouts uniforms
>turn them inside out and place them back on. Taira should be
>last to be put back on. The Scouts did at they were order to do.

Tim: Which was just about all they did this entire pointless 'fic...

>Amy guess that the jantior was do with this floor and his sleeping in
>his office. So, no one will she them beging naked.

Graham: hey, the author has a lisp, mebbe...
Ranma: Beging? he mean begging?


>The Scouts uniform let of a flash of color.

>All was back to the why. The Scouts put on the skirts, blouse, boots,
>gloves and finailly the taira. The Suits disseaper and they were dress
>back into street clothes.

Ranma: I ain't touching that sentence with a ten foot pole! if I do I'll get malleted!

>"Lets' go home. As a English band one said "It been a Hard
>Days Knight!". saids Serena

Tim: They are "The Beatles" thankyouverymuch, and it is "It's Been A Hard a Hard Day's Night" not your version of the title.

>"Amen to that!" remarks Serena

>THE END

(Raucous cheering erupts from the theater)

(outer room)
Tim: My god! that fic had no plot! none whatsover! and it changed nothing about the sailor moon universe!!!! IT'S THE MANOS OF THE MST4K WORLD!
Graham: My head still hurts from reading that crap.
Ranma: As I said before, I ain't touching that with a ten foot pole. Anyways I gotta get Home, Nabiki is cooking tonight and I wanna make sure I'm not too late to make a getaway.
Tim: Yeah, she's worse than Akane ever was...
Graham: Well seeya next time folks...
(signal end)

THE END
***

> "That is allway. If you want to use a reply. Been my
> quess! It will not help your."


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Comments appreciated, Flames used for laughs and for keeping the fire going