MST4K: Episode Fourteen: Jubilations (X-men Lemon)

[Ryushikaze]

This is the point when I started dating the MSTs I did, and when they started becoming more infrequent, but better done, in my opinion.
---
Tim Jewett 05/21/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.

"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"

Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.

If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's none of yer biz'!"
and you really should relax.
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)

(Satellite of Lust, a while ago in the future)
Tim: ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.....
Artlu: HEY! WAKE UP!
Tim: Oh, It's you. So, yer back with yet ANOTHER Fic?
Artlu: Yes, thank you very much.
Tim: You got an invention this week?

(Shallow Twelve)
Artlu: Yes, in fact I do. As soon as Melvin finishes dragging it out, I'll show it to you.
Tim: (On screen, for you nitpickers) Dragging? It's that damn heavy?
Artlu: Yes, and No. You remember the gravity well projectors from Star wars?
Tim: The ones that prevented anyone from hopping into hyperspace, yeah. Have you invented that? Nice going, but since we don't have hyperdrive yet, You've invented a useless invention!
Artlu: Actually, no. It's a combination force field/ suction device. It sucks the guy in, and then they can't escape! They can move around but... (Melvin plods into the room, obviously straining against a wall of some sort)... it's mostly just a waste of effort. Your invention.

(SOL)
Tim: Okay then. Just a moment, let me drag the damn thing in. (moments later, Tim comes on screen carrying a TV, and what looks like a cross between his PS2 and a gutted computer)
You know what a DVD is right? And what that means?
Artlu: Digital Video Disc, right?
Tim: Yeah, well, As soon as Graham and Max get in here with my DVD collection, we can begin.
(They enter)
Graham: Here they are! Oh, showing him the DVZ, are you?
Artlu: D-V-Z?
Tim: Digtial Video Zero. It's a cross between the Zero to Less Than system and the available features on a DVD. Take Ranma 1/2 for example. These characters have a BUGGERLOAD of backstory. Now, have you evered wondered what might have happened, if, say Ranma and Akane's parents had had the tact to not tell them they were engaged?
Artlu: Occasionally.
Tim: Well, with the DVZ, you just pop in the Disc, let it scan for a few minutes, especially the character profiles, and then type into the entry screen the "What if" you want answered. Like, "What would happen has Genma and Soun had tact enough NOT to tell the kids". It'll give you the most likely scenario, including lines, actions, and it'll even look like the Author's style of artistry! Here, take a look.
(The screen shows images of a quick and easy engagement a few months later, Ranma and Akane standing together in most situations, and a happily ever after type wedding)
Graham: He still got malleted a lot though. That's the third time I've seen a variation on that scenario.
Max: There are TWO little kinks left that we have to figure out how to ovecome.
Artlu: and those are???
Tim: Multiple DVD sets. For example, the Ranma series takes up SEVERAL DVD's. We're trying to figure out how to take the "fifty CD player" idea and rework that so it can hold a buggerload of Anime and TV DVD's instead. The other is the MNGZ. We're trying to figure out a safe way for the Zero system to immediately analyze all the Manga available, other than scanning page by page. The Osmosis Scanner still has a few quirks we need to figure out.

(S12)
Artlu: So mine has practical values and yours is simply entertainment?
Graham: If you wanna see it like that, sure, go ahead.
Melvin: Boss, can I get out now?
Artlu: No. Now have a fanfic, on me. I'll bet you any amount of money you'll be too busy drooling to MST
Tim: Fifty K. And I take it it's a Lemon?
Artlu: Yes, an X-men one.

(SOL)
Graham: Well, how bad can an X-men lemon be?
Tim: "What if the X-men were the X-women" All male X-men die at krakoa, killing prof X. All female mutants are repressed lebains, now openly lesbian, are Masochistic, have piss like wine, they include Wolvie's daughter, Magneto's kid, there are NO male X-men perod, and Well... It's just plain messed up
Max: Damn. And you READ THIS?
Tim: I read any fic that looks interesting to me. Then even if it's utter crap I read it to the end. That's my policy.
Graham: Well, at least that fic was a Lemon. If it wasn't it wouldn't have a single saving grace at all!
Tim: Remind me to make you read that damn fic someday.
(Kalxons wail)
Tim: Well, I hate to stop arguing, but we have a fic to MST.

Door 7: It's the standard door. It opens without any problems.
Door 6: It's a Chain Link fence. You crawl underneath and encounter some boots. You look up, and discover that it's just a pair of boots.
Door 5: It's a throng of Anime babes. They see Happosai coming and trample you in their attmpts to escape.
Door 4: You enter Washu's lab where she pulls expiriment after expiriment on you.
Door 3: It's a star portal, You jump through to escape Washu's lab and wind up in a toilet.
Door 2: We're not touching this door with a twelve foot pole.
Door 1: The Doorman opens it for you. Then, when you forget to tip him, he kicks you.

Graham: Wasn't that the same set of doors we had last time?
Tim: Yeah, the Author's just getting Lazy. It's the week before Exams, and he's doing MST's instead of studying.

JUBILATION
by Arcane
---
Sipping at her soda, she watched the teenagers in the arcade as they played
their games. There was a time when she used to love those games, a time when she
was great at them. That was a time before she blew them up on contact. Before
she knew she was a mutant.

Tim: Jubilee dun blow them up on contact. that's just when she loses her control. Otherwise, she rocks ass at 'em.

Not a disgusting slimy mutant or a bug eyed mutant. In fact she looked like a
typical attractive, if not beautiful teenager, normal in every way. Jubilee's
life was anything but normal. At least she looked human. Some of her friends
didn't even reach that far.

Graham: Yeah, like the girl in her old english class...

"Fresh out of quarters, Gal?"
Jubilee turned to see Rogue walking towards her, carrying a bag full of new
clothes. The tall southern lass looked human too, apart from the white streak
through her bushy brown hair. But it was close enough to look dyed.

Max: You mean it wasn't? And actually, things like that have happened before. white streaks in other color hair, I mean.

"Just looking, Rogue. Thought I might have a look in the comic store before we
go."

Tim: I hear they have a great new one called Generation X there.

"Fine with me. I have plenty of shops to look at. Jean was going to meet me
soon."
"Cool." Jubilee rocketed through the mall, yellow coat billowing behind her.
***
Unfortunately there weren't many new comics in. Most of them she'd already seen
before. Jubilee browsed a few then headed back to Rogue, stopping at the toilets

Max: Yeah, most of the porn ones she had already glommed from Prof X. and she wouldn't be caught dead reading DC
Tim: Dating a DC character, yes, reading his comic, HAYL NO!

on the way. She entered the white room, noticing how quiet it seemed. Suddenly
the silence was broken. In front of her a hidden door opened up, leading into a

Graham: Lemon Scene?

dark tunnel. Jubilee watched in amazement, wondering just what to do. After a
few seconds her curiosity got the better of her. She walked into the corridor
and through the dark, lighting up her hands for illumination. It was her mutant
power, fireworks essentially. It came in handy. She heard a rumble behind her

Graham: Tim, are you going to go into the exact detail of her abilities?
Tim: No, but thanks for the thought. In reality Jubi-
Graham: AAAAAAAAAAGH!!
Tim: Just kidding, yeesh...

and looked back. The panel had closed behind her. For a second she thought she
should turn back but she decided to keep on going. How bad could it be?

All: (SLAP FOREHEADS)
Tim: THIS IS A MARVEL COMIC STARRING JUBILEE, IT CAN GET AS BAD AS IT COULD POSSIBLY WANT!
Graham: My eardrums...
Max: Somehow, mine too...

She kept walking, the dark tunnels reminding her of the Morlocks, the
underground mutants. There was no sign that this was theirs but time would tell.
Finally she saw light at the end of the tunnel. She sped up her pace and walked
into it to find.

Graham: Gold?
Tim: Jewels?
Max: A high paying job with a good dental plan, retiremnt package, and lots of vacation time that you need no experience to get?
Tim: Max, that's just beyond the realm of beleivability...

"Nothing!" she was disappointed.
It was a big empty room, about the size of a basketball court. The walls looked
like concrete and there were no windows. In essence the place was boring.

Graham: OH! It was math class, guys!
Tim and Max: Ahhhh!

[[Mutant Female Detected!]]

Tim: (Checks his chest, then his pants) Well, it ain't me, thank god...

Jubilee whirled about and nearly fell over in shock with what she saw. It was a
sentinel, a mutant hunting robot. Normally they were twenty feet tall. This one
was only about seven. It looked a sleeker metallic style than the usual sentinel

Tim: So was it Nimrod, or one of the Original sentinels?

purple. Its eyes were glowing red. Some things never changed.

Graham: Like I said. Math class.

[[Target: Jubilee. Real Name: Jubilation Lee. Protocol Six selected.]]
It whipped out a hand to grab he but she ducked to one side. Her time with the
X-Men hadn't been wasted. She was now ready to fight or if that failed, escape.
She rolled twisted and shot a pyrotechnic blast at the sentinel. To her dismay a
blast which that least should have knocked it off its feet failed to do
anything. In fact it looked as if it simply sucked it in. The sentinel shot one

Tim: Hmm... an all powerful sentinel that hasn't been used on the X-men before... I "wonder" what protocol six is gonna be...

hand out and there was a flash. Jubilee was to slow to dodge the blast of what
had to be her own shots. She'd never hit herself before. The flaring impacts
stung and knocked her off her feet. Before she could get up the sentinel had its
hand gripped on her coat. Hastily she slipped out of it, leaving her in her cut
off jeans and pink shirt. She turned to the door only to discover it was sealed
shut.

Max: (Jubilee) Hey, the exit's gone, I'm alone with a humanoid sentinel, and this fic was found on an adult page! I wonder what'll happen next? Surely it can't be... Naw, not THAT!

She was alone with the sentinel and had nowhere to escape.
By the time she'd turned around it had grabbed her shirt. She tugged from side
to side managing to dislodge her sunglasses but little else. She heard a hum.
Looking down she saw her pink shirt glowing bright red. She couldn't feel

Tim: Tie-die sentinels! For all your coloring needs!

anything, but it didn't look promising. After a few seconds the glow dissipated.
The shirt was gone. Not gone as such. Somehow the sentinel was holding it
perfectly in its other hand, still buttoned up. As far as Jubilee was concerned
however, it was gone. But so was the grip.

Graham: Would it be in bad taste to say "get a grip" here?
Tim: Yes.
Graham: Okay. Get a grip, Jubilee.

She ran to where the door had been, looking for some form of exit. She was still
wearing her black Lycra crop top but she felt less secure without her shirt or
jacket. Again it grabbed her. The machine was much quicker than the young mutant
had anticipated. She tried to run but the hand of the sentinel was gripped
firmly to the waist of her jeans. Again she heard humming. Looking down she saw
her jeans glowing red for a few seconds. Sure enough they were soon gone too.

Max: OH HURRY IT UP ALREADY! I AIN'T GOT ALL DAY!

The sentinel threw them on the pile with her shirt and coat. Again she slipped
away, now only in her underwear. She promised herself she wasn't going to turn
her attentions away from the sentinel again.

Tim: Promises, Promises.

She backed off, keeping eye contact, moving out of range. It moved to grab for
her, at least ten metres away. Jubilee was confused. So much so that she failed
to avoid the snaking metal cable which attached with a claw to her ankle.
"Hey!" she yelled as she was pulled off balance, dangling in mid air. The
sentinel retracted the coil and dangled her in front of it as if she were a
mouse. Her arms failed back and forth, trying to get a clear blast at him. When
she did it seemed to have no effect. Calmly the robot extended a finger and
pressed it into the side of her top. Instantly it too began to glow red and,
much to her dismay, it vanished a second later. Jubilee was now topless, or
bottomless because she was hanging upside down. Her breasts were young and firm,

Tim: Her butt old and soggy, like cereal that's been left in milk too long, or-
Max: We get the point.

pale with a soft pink nipple in the center. She fought even harder now, her
breasts swinging from side to side. Undisturbed the robot gripped for her
panties. She winced, feeling the hand through the fabric as it vaporized the
last of her clothing and threw them on the pile. Three more tentacles appeared,
turning her upright and each grasping a limb. They stretched her out in front of
the sentinel so that she was unable to move.
"This is illegal! Even to mutants!" she screamed in indignation but the robot
didn't respond.
Instead it sent out a red scanning beam. It started at her head then slowly
panned down, past her exposed bosom, past her midriff, past her jet-black tuft
of hair, all the way down to her legs. Several times it swept over her,
analyzing each part of her body.

Graham: Who do you guys think this was designed by?
Tim: Happosai, or Ataru with Ten's help.

Jubilee tried to struggle but the bonds were unbreakable. She shot out a number
of helpless bursts until the ends of the cables expanded, forming into large
cylinders that completely engulfed her hands. Her exertions were beginning to
make her sweat. She could feel it dripping over her fringe, down her back and

All: (Singing) Drippin' on the fringe! There's something wet in the fringe today, it's pink and has black hair...
Tim: Okay. I call stop for now. I might finish that one up later, though...

between her cleavage. Angrily she swore at the machine but it did no good.

Tim: I solemnly swear to boink the bot, the whole bot, and nothing but the bot, so help me somebody.

"What kind of sentinel are you?" she yelled.

Graham: A really really horny one is my guess.

[[I am an independent TR27 manipulator model.]]

Max: Which means absolutely crap.

"What are you doing?"
[[Subjects must be scanned to locate target erogenous zones.]]
"What!?"

All:"Subjects must be scanned to locate target erogenous zones."

[[Zones of maximum sexual pleasure.]]

Max: Hawaii, for one...

"Get screwed. Let me go!" she struggled again.

Tim: He will, and in that order, too.

[[Subject may not be released until process is complete.]]

Tim: (Jubilee) Well, that's just dandy, but who is this "Subject" girl you keep talking about? I'd like to meet he- oh wait, she's me, ain't she?

"What…" Jubilee started to ask but sopped when she saw that the chest of the
robot was opening. From it came what looked like two hair dryers.

Graham: It's the hairdresser from hell! AAAHHHHH!
Max: What, are they gonna blow her away?
Tim: Other way around Max.
Max: HUH?
Tim: She's gonna blow them.
Max: oh. OH I get it, so she's gonna gi-mmmphmmh!
Tim: Don't finish that thought.

"What the heck aAAAAARRRR!"
Twin columns of light streamed out of the cylinders engulfing Jubilees exposed
breasts in a purple haze. Instantly a wave of sensation shot through to her

Tim: I didn't know sixties songs could be used like that...

brain. Jubilee had never felt anything like it. It was as if every nerve ending
of her breasts had suddenly been ignited. It felt fabulous. Pleasure bathed the
sweaty skin, fleshy orbs shining in the light that assailed them. Jubilee gasped
for air, unable to fully understand just how great it felt. Her body understood.
The breasts began to swell with excitement, soft pink nipples becoming redder
and harder.

Max: I'm drooling. Is that possible?

There were two parts of Jubilee, one that wished it would end now and another
that wanted more and more. She shook her head. This was crazy. It was a sentinel

Tim: Ahh, the everlasting argument of getting to the orgasm quick and fast or holding back... wait, she wasn't talking about that, was she?

doing this to her. It was doing it for some strange reason. She had to fight it,
even if only on a mental level. She tried to concentrate on other things, trying

Graham: To remember why she had gone to the bathroom in the first place.
Tim: No, she's already taken care of THAT problem.
Graham: I don't even WANNA know if you're making a perverted comment there...

to get her mind off the treatment. Mostly she slipped back to how good it felt.
It was so hard to ignore but she had to fight. She had to.

All: (singing) It's the Eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of a fight!
Tim: Wonder if I can retool THAT song into something perverted...

The door burst open. Burst was the right term. It flew into pieces as Rogue
entered into the room.

Max: (Rogue) This ALWAYS happens when I try and turn the knob!
Tim: I just a damn bizarre idea for a fic.
Graham: Which is?...
Tim: Ryouga and Rogue are Brother and Sister.
Max: YEP! That's bizarre all right...

"You let her go!" Rogue commanded as she stared in sudden horror at the sight
before her. The shock was so great that she was too slow to notice a rapid
tentacle. In the blink of an eye the metal hand had unzipped her fly, pulled
down her shorts slightly, slipped under her panties and located her clitoris.

Graham: Okay, why didn't it do that With Jubilee?
Tim: Ruin dramatic tension. The strategy of make 'em wait, they'll just want it more.
Max: Heh, Nintendo must own the copyrights to that idea...

"What the heEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!"

Tim: Yes.
Graham: WHAT?
Tim: I was just answering Rogue's question.

Rogue screamed as she fell to the floor. Jubilee could see nothing wrong but she
didn't know what Rogue was feeling. The head had attached to Rogue's clit and

Graham: So he's basically saying that Jubilee has never Masturbated. Tim, You're the X-men fanatic, what do you think?
Tim: Squishy Squishy, nightly nightly.
Graham: Thank you for that disturbing answer, Tim...

instantly shot a massive burst of electricity directly to the pleasure center of
Rogue's brain. For all intents and purposes Rogue was indestructible, but she
could still feel. Thus in a millisecond she was pleasured so much that her brain
simply overloaded. Rogue collapsed into a quivering, orgasming heap on the
floor, virtually comatose and entirely helpless.

Max: I bet the most overused phrase in this kind of fic.
Tim: and what kind would that be, praytell?
Max: X-men fics, duh.

The tendril retracted.

Graham: A robotic Wham Bam thank you Ma'am.
Tim: Now THAT'S gotta be degrading

Jubilee shivered as she watched Rogue tremble on the floor. She turned angrily
to the sentinel.

Tim: HEY! She's immobile! How can she turn when she can't move! If you mean turning her head, SAY SO!

"How could you doOOOOOOO."

Tim: Only on Tuesdays.
Graham: Okay, you GOTTA be trying to trip me up here!

The light turned green and even more pleasure bombarded her. Her nipples were
stiff peaks rising from flushed, firm mountains now. Sweat glazed them

Tim: I am VERY tempted to redo the hentai "America" Paody from "Games"...

liberally, dripping of the extended nubs as her chest huffed and puffed.

Max: and Blew the bot down!
Tim: As fanboys everywhere lost their loads and/or their minds.

The tendrils about Jubilee's ankles pulled in closer, wrapping her sweaty legs
half around the robot's body. Another hair drier appeared, this time at groin
level. Jubilee was too aroused to notice it appearing. She noticed it when it
started.

Tim: (Hair dryer) DON'T STARTLE ME LIKE THAT!
Graham: My eardrum... Not again...

The green light erupted, illuminating the black mop. The blast shot into her
tender skin, violating her body in a hideously delightful way. Delight shone in
her eyes. Jubilee knew she should struggle but there was no fighting this. Her
tits were one thing but full sexual stimulation was quite another. Jubilee knew
about masturbation, she did it now and then, but it was nothing like this.

Graham: It was nothing like having a hair dryer fire a beam at her hot spots? I'd hope not!

Nothing. Her body responded in kind, opening her hips up, lubricating for a
penetration which wasn't occurring. She started to pivot her hips in time with
the pulses that were now shooting through her. Jubilee threw her head back,
black tangled hair throwing beads of sweat. Her mouth hung open, eyes closed in
astounded delight.
"Leave her alone."

Max: A bit late, Aren't we?

Jubilee's eyes open in shock. Through the sweat and the haze of sex she saw

Tim: Elvis?
Graham: Aliens?
Max: A GOOD presidential candidate?
Tim: What did I tell you about the realm of beleivablility Max?
Max: Sorry...

Jean, standing in jeans and T-shirt, red hair billowing.

Tim: Jean was standing in multiples of herself? Guess Sinister got a little Prior happy.

Even as she felt the pleasure building in her own body she saw Jean launch a psi
bolt at the sentinel. Rather than dodging it simply took it in. Jubilee panted
faster and faster, watching the stream of blue energy from Jean's head as it
pushed at the sentinel. Suddenly it flashed back, a red blast shooting back
through the air, driving into Jean's mind.

Graham: But was it going the speed limit?

[[Come!]] the sentinel commanded.

All: GO! The audience commanded.

Unable to resist the psychic command Jean fell to the ground writhing in
ecstasy.
Unable to resist the sensations her body was receiving, Jubilee came too.
Both woman and girl shuddered in delightful ecstasy, Jubilee shivering

Graham: At least she isn't flickering and lickering...

helplessly, muscles tugging at their bonds, Jean grasping at the crotch of her
jeans as wave after wave bored into her mind. Through the raw sex of her orgasm
Jubilee saw two more tendrils, one heading for the fallen Rogue, the other for
Jean. Each pulled the pants of the helpless women down to the knees and plunged
into them, attaching to their clits. Jean screamed in joy and horror, Rogue
simply twitched in silence as her mind was again overloaded.
The lights went white.

Max: Get a load of THOSE headlights!

Jubilees sweat soaked breasts and sopping black mop were bathed in to the light.

Tim: Come into the light, Jubilee... Come into the light...

She came again, so suddenly after her first orgasm.
Another light blasted from its face, blazing into her eyes with hypnotic images
she was too weak to resist. She heard the voice of the sentinel, dull and
droning.

Graham: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

She came again.
She listened to the voice, willing to learn, willing to believe.
Jubilee came again.
Willing to obey.
Again. Again. Again.

All: Oi, Again vit de Againing!

****
No one ever knew. The other two had taken much longer of course. Rogue wasn't
that tough but her strength had to be compensated for. Jean's psychic power was
formidable but enough orgasms and even that broke down. In time all three of
them accepted the programming. It was deep, rooted in the core of their sexual
desire, hidden from even the deepest psi probe. When the time came they might be
activated. Maybe never. They might need a booster now and then. Every time any

Tim: Do I smell sequel? Or is that just the stench from Jubilee, Rogue, and Jean?

of them had sex or masturbated (which became far more regular for Jubilee) they
would fantasize about that wonderful bathing light, their sweat soaked tits and
overloaded clits. They would dream erotic dreams about its attentions. Nothing
came close.

Graham: Except for tentacle demons, and you know how unwilling THEY are to have sex with anything that moves...

In the darkness TR27 waited. Waiting for the next female mutant to trigger the
secret door. Waiting to deliver the mutant, girl or woman, to a jubilation they
would never, ever forget.
THE END
~~~~~~

All: AWWW!
Max: One MST'able fic I DON'T want to end!
Tim: Hmm... wonder what would happen if a guy walked in there by mistake, or a crossdressing mutant... Hmmm... Makes me not want to wonder. I assume the same for you?
Graham and Max: YES!

(Outer Room)
Tim: I actually liked this fic. it was funny. but it left itself so thouroghly open for an MST! I mean, it had just about every Cliche in the book, but the EXECUTION of those Cliches was excellent
Graham: I was too busy trying not to drool to notice much
Max: I WANT MORE! MOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMORE, EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
Tim: So whattaya think Artlu?

(S12)
Artlu: Decent. I liked the fic, but I thought it wasn't MST'able. Great, there goes our litle bet...

(SOL)
Tim: Yep, I expect the fifty K by thursday. SEEYA!

(Signal End)

THE END

"What the heEEEEEAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!"

Send Email to Me at Ktnablade@AOL.com
or Graham at Gmantis14@AOL.com
or Max at ThisAddressDoesNotExist@AOL.com

This was one of my attempts at MST'ing a story I actually enjoyed reading. I know I said in an earlier fic I was trying to get away from lemons, but hey, if it leaves itself open, I'm gonna strike at it. I'd also like to mention to most authors that real offense was not intended. If I seemed bitter when I wrote some of these it's because I WAS. I was stuck up at boarding school for writing a decent chunk of these (9-present basically) and that influenced my mood somewhat. Now that I'm finally getting out of this hellhole, I'll probably take it easier on the author's, since I DEFINITELY never letting up on the fics themselves! As always...

Comments appreciated, flames laughed at.
---

Thoughts?