StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Tim Jewett 05/17/2001
Mordacy Sarcasm Theatre Four Thousand; Special Editions

Last time in the Theatre...

>i tryed to spell check no promises! ^_^

Tim: Considering you just said "No promises" and the glaring amount of spelling errors. I'd say that's just bad BS.
Mark: It's over! Let's get out of here!
Artlu: WAIT! this is a double feature! Coming up... OSCARTOON!
Mark: NOOOOOOOO!

And now, Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000 Special Editons episode 3B!

>Sailormoon Z Episode 14 "Oscar toon?"

Tim: No.
Mark: PLEASE GOD, NO!

>Written by Oscar "Artemis's Lover"

Graham: Oscar "reader scarrer"

>mail= oscarmartinez@hotmail.com

Tim: Lovely, time for a little send off folks...

>Important note: For those of u who haven't read my last 14 fanfics,

All: LUCKY YOU!

>let me make clear some things.

Graham: how about a bowling ball?
Tim: Okay, for my next trick, the amazing disappearing hermaphrodite!

>1st Beleive it or not, i AM a real life Herm,

Tim: I choose NOT.

>2 i'm 13 (14 from "That girl" and on, but in real life i'm still 13,

Tim: Brain cells short of a dozen?
Graham: So he wrote FOURTEEN of these fics within a year of writing Artemis's lover?

>3 Artemis is now a 14 girl,

Tim: Cheerleading squad?
Graham: Does that have anything to do with Jusenkyo?
Tim: Now we see spring of drowned plot, very very tragic tale of plot fall in, die, two year ago. And now, spring of drowned hermaphrodite, very very VERY happy story of fanfic writing hermaphrodite thrown in and drowned, two, maybe three hour ago. Please stay clear.

>with her respective crescent moon on the forehead,
>and white hair,

Tim: Living with Oscar would make ANYONE's hair turn white

>still with blue eyes,

Tim: So S/he looks like human Luna with white hair?

>and she doesn't live with Mina, but with me

Graham: So basically Oscar's trying to say "I used to be into gay bestitality, but now the cat is now a fourteen year old girl, so I'm not into that stuff anymore"
Mark: IT WON'T WORK!
Tim: Just a question... Wouldn't his parents NOTICE that he had a fourteen year old girl living in his room?
Graham: Where the hell ARE his parents anyways?

>(Read first my first fanfic ever "Artemis's Lover") OK?

Graham: Done it.
Tim: MST'ed it
Tim and Graham: Tore it three new assholes...

>Notes: Well even if Eiji DID infact died, there's no reason that evil
>has died too,

Graham: Sofia will be distraught with Grief! Quick somebody post a guard of Super Saiyins around her to kill Oscar if he comes anywhere near her!

>something strange is happening a unknown life form is coming from
>another dimension...

Tim: I thought Oscar was already here...

>and who knows..what will happen now.

Mark: The Shadow?
Graham: The Watchers?
Tim: Me. I've read this fic before.
Mark: And you lived to tell about it???

>Intro:

Mark: And OUTRO! (Mark tries to flee the theater. he makes it five feet out the door before the giant bungee cord he's attached to snaps back and slams him into the movie screen wall.) Ouch...
Tim: Nice try, but you ARE gonna have to sit through this entire thing, with he rest of us.

>"So...this is earth. So beautiful...and it'll soon be destroyed..."

Graham: JUST to kill Oscar? I mean isn't that just a LITTLE overkill?

>A grown man's voice said, inside a glowing red sphere,

>it approached the earth slowly.

Tim: Aliens. the most technologically advanced races in the universe, and they still can't manage to make spaceships that can go above 10mph.

>The man then came out of the darkness and he said to his assistant "Kaoline"

Graham: in the city.

>the woman named Kaoline appeared and saluted him "Yes master?"

Tim: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS BUBBLE! That is all.

>the man then turned around to her with a wicked smile "You know
>what to do,"

Mark: (Kaoline) Yep, yep, yep, sure... uh, what was I supposed to do again?

>Kaoline grinned and disappeared "Yes master".

>"Oscar toon?":

Tim: NO! Now pack you bags and go back under the rock you came out from!

>Serena and Luna where in the bathroom,

Graham: On the can?
Mark: In the tub?
Tim: Swizterland?

>Serena's silk skin now shiny from the warm water that stroke her gently,

All: (blink)
Tim: Silk Skin... Does that mean she's the Velveteen bunny?

>Luna never saw Serena THIS hot...

Graham: Since the last time she was set on fire.

>well legally i mean he he :P,

Mark: Are you getting what I'm getting?
Tim: If you're getting a bad case of dry heaves, then YES.

>and she finally managed to speak "Umm Serena"

Graham: You're standing on my tail.
Tim: Why are you holding those sheep sheers?

>Serena looked down to her "Yes deary"
>Serena picked Luna and held her closely,
>Luna blushed a little for seeing her lover's breast,

All: (WRETCH!)
Tim: Oh my god! Graham, remember that comment we made during Artemis's lover about Serena and Luna? IT CAME TRUE!!!!

>and said "Don't u think it's been a little quiet lately?" Serena smiled
>and replied

Tim: Yes, I do... I KNOW! Let's go blow up Tokyo tower!

>"Yes Luna, but enjoy it while it lasts, maybe we'll meet a new enemy
>tomorrow,

Graham: We can only hope...
Mark: Hope what?
Tim: That she enjoys it often with Darien while it lasts.

>or something may come up",

Tim: And let us hope it has nothing to do with Oscar's genitalia

>Luna then sighed and said under her breath "I will Serena".

All: Well, WE won't!
Mark: We're reading this fic! How CAN we enjoy it??

>Luna then leapt out of her arms and almost slipped in the floor,

Graham: Wow, Serena's family really needs to repair the house.
Tim: Is it just me, or does anybody else wonder about her family?
Graham: Whattaya mean?
Tim: A black cat with a crescent moon bald spot starts living with Serena. Then Serena starts hanging out with people she'd probably never meet if she lived a normal life. THEN she starts dating a College student... when she's in junior high. THEN Rini shows up. It's not the first time I'm talking about. When she showed up the second time, they never even questioned her being there... Though I WOULD love to see Serena say "Mom, meet your grandaughter!"
Graham: You have a point... Maybe they live in Nerima? Nobody THERE ever notices anything anyways.

>as she thought "Ough...first time bath isn't so bad is it?".

Tim: For a cat? I'd haveta say it was. Most cats do NOT like being wet like that. It's why a kitten Yowls when its damp. This boy's in love with cats and he doesn't even know basic cat biology, psychology, or sociopathology.
Mark: Isn't sociopathology the study of hatred?
Tim: Sort of. I meant he writes this without even THINKING of how many people he's gonna disgust and or drive into homcidal rages. Take THAT you uncaring hermaphrodite!

>Artemis and Oscar where breathing a lil fast,

Tim: Hey look, Oscar's using Net-speak. Let's LOL!
Graham: Why not just ROTFLOAO?
Mark: Wouldn't that be horribly OOC...?
Tim: I think I'm gonna ROLF
Graham: Don't you mean ROFL?
Tim: No, ROLF! (he does, all over Mark)
Graham: Oh. Now I get it.

>they hugged each other feeling their warmth,

>"Oscar...uhmmm, thank you..", Artemis said with her eyes closed,

Graham: So she wouldn't have to look at her ugly as sin co-star

>Oscar smiled at her and kissed her forehead, and left her in the bed.

Tim: Love 'em and Leave Oscar.
Graham: Available for burning in the really bad toystores far far away from you. don't you feel lucky?

>He then went to the bathroom and came out with his WF shirt on,

Graham: Wanky Fruit?
Mark: Wit Fried?
Tim: Warner Fucker?

>and crawled into the bed with his love,

Tim: So, NOBODY was in the bed, right?

>and finally doze off to sleep.

>Meanwhile, in the red glowing sphere,

Mark: They realized they had run into Uranus.

>Kaoline sat in her comp.

Graham: No wonder they can't go fast! They have to spend all their budgets on new computers!

>and looked at Oscar's stats

Tim:Hmm... power 2. speed 1. Wisdom -255. Intelligence -255. Dexterity -255. at L100. This character STINKS!

>"Hmmm so he is the last of the Saiya-Jins...

Graham: I'm suddenly very willing to make Saiya-jins extinct for some reason...

>good he'll be terminated NOW!" she pressed a red button,

Mark: Our thoughts exactly!

>and a youma was sent to earth, but it was a little dif, than the other youmas,

>a white beam followed it

>, the white beam silently stroke Oscar's body

>and vanished him and the youma inside the TV world.

Graham: Hmmm.. Oscar on Fantasy Island... I can just see it now... He'd be one of the commepaunce guests...

>Oscar's Saiya-Jin sence didn't warned him about the beam.

Tim: The plot contrievance detectors, on the other hand...

>The Youma and Oscar landed on dif sides of the new dimension

>they where,

Mark: Don't know
Graham: Don't care
Tim: Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200, fry in the electric chair.
Graham: Then they'd have to clean up kentucky fried Oscar!

>Oscar woke up and gasped as he was falling from high above,

Tim: As opposed to from six feet under

>he tryed to float in the air like he does

All: (singing) Do that Voodoo, that you do, so well.

>but none of that worked,

Mark: Guess he forgot to check his batteries, eh?

>he tryed to do a Kame-Hame-Ha but it was to small to make him float,

Tim: Tsk Tsk Tsk. relying on dead Hawaiian guys isn't gonna help you much

>finally he smashed into the cold cold ground.

All: (Silence)
Tim: Let us have a fitting end for Oscar

>BOOOMSHACALAKA!.

Mark: That was oddly appropriate...
Tim: (holding a flamethrower) But we gotta make sure he's on fire!
Graham: NBA Jam. Destroy it in worse video stores today!

>Oscar slowly stood up and thought "Wha...? i'm alive?"

All: NOOOOO!!!!!!
Graham: THERE IS NO GOD!!!!

>He then looked around and saw that everything was animated

Tim: If everything's animated...
Graham: Oscar must be too...
Tim: (Holding a giant eraser) Let's rub 'im out!

>"What the..?"

Mark: Dilly?
Graham: Hell?
Tim: I'm not at liberty to answer that question.

>he thought as he was in the middle of the street and all of the cars
>where beeeping at him

Graham: Censorship folks! In this case a BAD thing.
Tim: Since it's not being used to STOP OSCAR!

>"Hey get outta the road!! you bum!" Oscar turned around and saw
>none other than Yosemite sam!

Mark: so he had tunnel vision?

>"Oh GOD!"

Tim: If he ain't gonna help us, he ain't gonna help YOU.

>he realized he was in Looney Tune/Tiny toon land

>but he didn't knew if he was still a Saiya-Jin or not,

Tim: Alas, poor Yorik, we knew him well...
Graham: How'd he die by the way?
Tim: How else?
All: OSCARFIC.

>so he immediatelly searched for a mirror,

>and looked to himself,

Graham: He's beside himself!
Tim: With ego, that is...

>"No way...ha ha ha ha!!"

Mark: Did he just go Psycho or something?
Graham: No, He's been that way since before fic one.

>He went a lil nutty as he saw he was a 14 year old skunk.

Tim: I'd say he'd've gone squirrely if he had gone a little nutty, but to be a squirrel, one must have nuts.

>He had a big fat smile on his face,

All: (Singing)
Because I'm fat, I'm fat--come on.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--you know it.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat--come on you know.
(Fat fat--really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout.
Just tell me once again: Who's fat?

>and laughed out loud "A ha ha ha!!! i can't believe it! ha ha ha"

Mark: Neither can we.
Tim: That he wrote this or we'll still alive this far into it?
Mark: Umm... both.

>but then, he tought

Tim: I doubt even the Infinite improbability drive could make Oscar think!

>"Wait a min....how did i got here?...

Graham: of Course, every min has a lot of secs.
Tim: Wrong thing to say in an Oscarfic, bud.

>and how do i get back?..."

>He then took a walk, having that same sequence in his mind,

Tim: (Oscar)Mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats.
Graham: That was scarily on the mark...

>then suddenly 3

Graham: Pokemon trainers rounded the bend and had their pokemon wipe out the evil before them?
Tim: feet in the grave?

>"I know! in that movie Space jam,

Tim: Hmm... it's not often that product placement decreases the value of the advertised object...

>Mike Jordan was pulled from the sky i think...out of a big WB sign"

Mark: HE thinks?
Tim: Methinks not.

>He then looked up to the sky and there it was "Whoa, there it is, the
>BIG WB

>all i hafta do is get up there and i'm outtie!"

Graham: Bellybutton?

>he grinned and then re-thought "But wait a min...there's still a lotta
>things to do here he he he"

Tim: Continuity, characters, decency, so much to destroy, so little time before the men with torches and pitchforks bash down his doors...
Graham: You're mixing Oscar and Frankenstien's monster again.
Tim: Yeah, I really should stop doing that, it's defamatory to be compared to such an ugly creature.
Graham: Yeah, and Frank's monster had bad PR as it is!

>He remembered how much he wished that someday, some how

Graham: That he could be real boy...
Tim: (singing) That he could fin'ly have a brain...

>he could be here and do so much stuff.

Mark: Of course, WE wish for the chance to meet this guy in a dark alley...
Tim: Sans his SI godboy powers WE wouldn't even have to fight! I'll just do four bone breakers on his arms and legs, and leave him for the stray dogs to get their revenge...
Graham: Revenge IS a dish best served cold...
Tim: Especially with ice cream!

>"Alright! now i can meet Babs and Buster B. no relation he he he"

Graham: B.? You mean Bunny don't you?
Tim: Talking to himself in shorthand... such are the signs of insanity...

>he then was about to run to the Acme Looniversity, but he looked
>straight and made a DUH face,

Mark: Since it hurt to walk and look where he was going at the same time.
Tim: Oscar, does he have basic motor skills? Next Geraldo!

>as the Looniversity was right in front of him

Tim: (like a candid camera guy) Actually, this is just a clever cardboard cutout. The REAL looniversity is sneaking up behind him, ready to pounce... Let's see what happens...

>"DUH there it is...i wonder if there's someone inside..depends if it's
>school day"

Tim: Well, this solves THAT question
Mark: What question?
Tim: Just how stupid is Oscar, actually? That sentence just clinched about a year's worth of debate. The "Immesurable" side won.

>he climbed the steps as his "unique" odor killed literally all of the
>nearby flowers,

Graham: Thing is, he does that even when he ISN'T a skunk.

>he looked back and chuckled "Oh yeah i remember that gag"

Tim: You mean the one I'm doing now? In response to your ultra-cliche?

>he got inside the Looniversity and took left corridor,

Graham: HEY! You come back here with that corridor this instant!

>Gogo-Dodo, the hall monitor came up from behind and yelled "GOGO
>GOGO!

Tim: .... Speed Racer, .... Speed Racer, GO.....!

>if yer late for class yer.."

Mark: In deep shit.

>Oscar then smiled and they both said at the same time

Graham: Bite me
Tim: Shove it up your ass.
Mark: Die you Mother-Lovin Sons a' Bi-MMPH!
Graham: That's enough of that, Mark...

>"COCO COCO!"

Tim: Well, we are all going somewhat Cuckoo in here...

>he laughed out loud and Gogo-Dodo was a lil bewildered,

Graham: I thought he was always in a constant state of bewilderment?

>so he smashed himself with a mallet and disappeared,

Mark: HEY! Where'd he learn hammerspace?
Tim: Bugs. the ORIGINAL master of hammerspace. Mousse can't even hold a candle.
Graham: Provided he could find one anyways...

>Oscar stood up and found a door that said "Class 101" or sumthing,

Graham: Or so he toughted, since he coodint reed.

>"Hmmm i wonder what's in there?" he said sarcastically, he stood up
>in his heels to take a peek,

Tim: I call no Truck Driving song.
Graham: What about Dude looks like a lady?
Tim: NO.

>and smiled as he saw, Buster and DA gang

Tim: Dead Animals?
Mark: Deaf Asmhatics?
Graham: Lysdexics Anomynous?

>inside with tech, Elmer fudd

Tim: Ewmer Fudd in Shop Cwass... Be Vewwy Vewwy Quiet. I'm soldewing metaw!

>Fifi had a lil magazine under her desk,

Mark: Play...Skunk...Monthly...
Tim: This month's feature: Controlling your Libido...

>Babs was sleeping,

Tim: With everything in sight...

>Buster was making a lil joke letter,

Mark: While sleeping with Babs...

>Plucky was with his walkman on,

Graham: Wokman On. he the new foriegn exchange student?

>Shirley with her "HO WAYU WAYU WAYU" stuff,

Tim: This child mocketh meditation overmuch, and doth presumeth to be wise...

>and Max making money sketches.

Graham: WHAT THE HELL? MAX, BUDDY, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE FOR YOUR OWN DAMN GOOD!
Tim: Uhh, Wrong Max, Graham.

>Suddenly, Oscar opened the door lightly and yelled "YOU SSSUCK!"

Tim: Well, at least HE's never made love to a vacuum cleaner.

>he immediately closed the door and laughed out loud in the hall,

>Elmer obviosly got mad and went out,

Mark: Of his mind, pulling out his shotgun, and slaughtering everything within the next six halls.
Tim: The end.

>but Oscar made his move

Graham: Queen's Rook 2 to King's Rook 5.
Tim: Checkmate. Oscar lost.

>and entered the classroom just as Elmer went out,

Graham: How did Elmer not notice him?
Tim: Well, he has his own glue factory, AND a pretty damn big nose...

>and sat at Buster's side, and of course Fifi immediately went lovesick,
>her eyes turned to hearts, and her attention only directed to Oscar,

Tim: Let us bow our heads, in rememberance of yet another respectable character destroyed by the evil and insidious path of Godboy SI Lemons...

>she was about to literally pounce over Oscar,

Tim: And now let us have a moment of Silence for all those who were unable to kill Oscar, as this fine young skunkette has done the deed already...

>when Elmer came back inside scratching his bald head,

Graham: Like he's be scratching his...
Tim: (Glares)
Graham: Armpit, yeah, that's it, Amrpit!

>"I wunda what that was? ok wets get to cwass",

Tim: We're cwass and condescending...

>Buster looked at Oscar and wondered why he didn't smelt like Fifi,

Tim: It's because Oscar can't keep his story straight. Not more than two pages ago, he killed flowers with his stench. Now he has none. Yet another testament to why People should be hunted down and shot.

>Oscar looked at him and smiled with a peace sign,

Mark: Look, he's been killing and eating Hippies now to get rid of his cheating scents!
Graham: He would... and that's the sad thing.

>Buster replied with the same hand gesture a lil bewildered,

Tim: What? I'm the star of this show, and it says in my contract I have to say a flippant remark every episode and every time a new guy enters! Get the bigendered freak outta here!

>the class went on,

Graham: Hey, look their shcool days are as long as Oscar's high school's!

>Buster then took the initiative "Yo, pal, who are ya, if Fudd wasn't
>so dumb he'd ask what are u doing here" Oscar grinned "Well BB

Graham: Baby Boy?
Mark: Bouncing Bomb?
Tim: Bionuclear Brassiere?

>i really just got here and i'm new but that doesn't mean i don't know
>who all of you are he he" Buster raised an eyebrow "Like in.."

Mark: (Oscar) Like in, I've been watching your actions for the past few years... Scared yet?
Tim: (Buster) No, just sickened...

>"Like in, i know what kind of relation you and Babs have,

All: No?

>what Fifi has been craving for years,

Mark: Chocolate Cheesecake that ISN'T fattening?

>what kind of loser Plucky is,

Graham: an Oscarian one...

>and.." Elmer then made a shhh and Oscar spoke softer

Tim: Wise man say, walk softly, speak softly, and smack things with big stick.

>"And i know who yer coach is he he, she's hot isn't she?"

>Buster blushed and smiled "Err, i guess he he".

>Class was over and Fifi immediatelly embraced Oscar tightly, "UGH!"

>Oscar moaned as he got a lil squeezed by her,

All: TIGHTER! TIGHTER! TIGHTER! BREAK THE SPINE! BREAK THE SPINE! BREAK THE SPINE!

>Fifi made her infamous love speech,

Tim: I'm a skunk, wanna go into the back and do calculus homework?
Graham: I'm a masochist, make love to me?

>ignoring that Oscar wanted to do that to her,

Tim: I'm a hermpahoridte and this is MY fic, so get on your knees?
Mark: I'm getting queasy...

>"Oh ze boy of me dreams.." Fifi said while looking seductivly at him,

Graham: ze boy, he has motor functions! He is for me!

>Oscar grinned and brought Fifi closer to him,

Tim: Fifi Lepue and the hermaphrodite of doom!... (Indiana jones music)

>she went wide-eyed as Oscar finally gave Fifi her first kiss ever,

Tim: Umm... NO! She kisses a guy on a rough basis of 1.5 per ep.

>Fifi's mind went into overdrive as she feel completely absorved by his kiss,

Graham: We are Oscar there is no escape, all will be absorved!

>she thought this moment would never come.

Mark: And now she couldn't wait for it to get up and LEAVE!

>Oscar tought "I can't beleive i've finally made this...." Fifi felt the kiss
>last forever, but Oscar eventually parted from her,

Tim: Parting IS such sweet...
Graham: Why the pause?
Tim: Sorrow isn't the right word here... oh yeah! Parting IS such sweet bliss...

>Fifi was blushing heavily "Y-You...."

Tim: ...ARE going to have to pay for my therapy you know...
Graham: Triple timing hermaphrodite! My am never wanting to speak to you again, so zere!

>she said still bewildered of his actions, everyone else was jaw-dropped,

Tim: Mean you mayhaps slackjawed?

>Fifi whispered into Oscar's ear "Who are u?"

Graham: Oh the spawn of evil, and you?

>Oscar smiled and went to his desk, but then Lola came in.

Graham: Whereupon seeing Oscar she promptly left to laugh her ass off.

>Oscar looked at her, from her slender legs, to her tight waist her well
>rounded breasts and her gorgeous face,

Mark: Too much free time...

>he was wordless

Tim: (perking up) SO THE FIC'LL END?!?!?

>but he knew he didn't had a chance at her, and he still wanted to know
>Fifi better.

Graham: Tim, your plot reading skills say?
Tim: Laying it on a subtly as a sixteen ton anvil. In an SI fic "didn't have a chance" really means "God damn, I'm gonna do it, no matter how unbeleivable, I'll come out utterly victorious". The "know Fifi" part, is best left unknown, if you know what I mean...
Mark: Oh no...

>Lola with her basketball in her arms said "Ok class, time for our training"

Graham: Hup, two, three four... HUP, two, three, four...
Tim: (german accent) All Heil Lola!
Mark: Doesn't comparing Oscar to Htiler make more sense?
Tim: Nope, Hitler had charisma and could drive a crowd. Oscar can only drive them insane.

>Oscar stood up as the whole class followed her into the gym,

>Babs wasn't worried for Buster having a crush on, Lola cuz some
>weeks before, Buster told his true feelings to her. But she still
>followed Buster almost everywhere,

Tim: (Buster) Babs, get out of the toilet... Get out of the shower... Get out of those clothes...
Graham and Mark: (Blink, Blink)

>Fifi was like glued to Oscar and how couldn't she? never did anyone
>treated her like he did a few moments ago.

Graham: Has he even payed attention to tinytoons?

>But Oscar was thinking of something else

Mark: (Oscar) Duh... Sometimes, I wear mittens... Peaches...
Graham: (Oscar) Okay, now NEXT I'm gonna have myself beat the crap outta superman! With a single punch!
Tim: (Oscar)Mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats mustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcatsmustfuckcats.

>"What am i gonna do now?", when they all sat in the bench,

All: How about... END THIS FIC!

>Oscar and Fifi talked a lil,

Graham: From the way they were acting earlier, you'd think they'd be beyond such "small" talk...

>Fifi then asked "Who are u...please tell me.." Oscar looked down and
>answered

Graham: I'm Zorro!
Mark: I'm Superman!
Tim: I'm a thirteen year old with an unhealthy obsession for human cat sexual relations. I can't write worth crap, my characters don't even qualify as one dimensional, my sex scenes are emptionally scarring to your average human and my spelling and grammar are inferior to that of an illiterate blind deaf mute six year old.
Graham: If only he WOULD tell the truth...
Mark: The whole truth?
Graham: Nothing but.
Tim: So, HELP US, GOD!

>"Well Fifi...I'm Oscar, i'm 14 and i can't

Mark: Speak english?
Graham: Control my bodily functions?
Tim: Write a decent story to save my life?

>tell u anything else..sorry" Fifi raised Oscar's face and smiled

Graham: before biting his nose off...

>"Don't worry, i don't need to know much else..."

Tim: Skunk's motto: If it's breathing, it's good enough.

>Oscar smiled and caressed her hair, Fifi closed her eyes and smiled,

>Oscar a lil worried, thought "Fifi, even if i'm here just for a time, i'll
>make u happy...i promise".

Tim: I'm not writing this to stroke my own ego and get my SI character laid, it's to make people who are actually content with their lives happier... YEAH, THAT'S IT!

>Lola then stept before them, "Sooo you're new here huh?" she asked
>Oscar, and he replied

Graham: Yeah, I'm the writer. Let's fuck.

>"Yes Lola" Lola got surprised, "How does he knows my name?" she thought

Tim: Oh... I dunno, maybe he looked at a teacher roster, an annual... something...
Mark: He can't read though, remember?

>and then said "Well wanna show me what you got?"

Mark: Well, I got the guy's thing, AND the girl's thing!
Tim: (Lola) I'm not so interested anymore, thanks... RALPH!

>Oscar winked at Fifi and stood up grinning, he then looked up to her
>and said

>"Sure would...doll"

Tim: And thus, it was preordained to pass, that Oscar would have his voicebox viloently ripped from his body by a cartoon gym coach. Decency 4:18

>everyone stopped and turned to Oscar and Lola, with surprised looks
>on their faces,

>Oscar kept grinning and Lola's eyes ignited with anger

Graham: So now we get to the "On Fire" bit?

>"Ok lil smart kid lets see what you got".

Tim: THAT was an erroneous statement...

>Lola bounced the b.ball to the center of the court,

Graham: Bowling?
Tim: Bocche?
Mark: Base?
Graham: Butter?
Tim: Bunny? He did say Buster and Babs B. earlier...
All: BUNNY!!

>as Oscar strolled in, and stand before her,

Mark: Mommy! I can't stood up!

>Lola (Whoa check it out 2 names in a row)

Tim: A new record for Oscar! Two names without stopping to think!

>held the B.ball and stared at Oscar's eyes, he wasn't intimidated by her.

Tim: This is an SI fic. I don't beleive the words "Was intimidated by" has EVER been used to describe the author in an SI fic.

>He wondered if all of his Saiya-Jin powers had been drained tough, if
>they where indeed drained in the toon world, then he didn't stood a
>chance against her.

Mark: Mommy, Mommy! I just stand up all by myself!

>Meanwhile, in a nother part of toon land...

Graham: The locals were rejoicing that Oscar was nowhere near THEM.

>The youma woke up, it was somewhat of a basketball creep, with a
>blue and red B.ball, he stood up and said to himself

Graham: And this is different from other Youma how? It's as lame as the rest, based on the target's obsession like the rest, and it's going to die like the rest.
Tim: Unfortunately, the last part is true...

>"Oscar...", he checked his radar and couldn't find Oscar in it, as the
>radar only detected Saiya-Jins, not skunks,

Mark: In Oscar's case, is there a difference?

>the youma frowned and smashed the radar in anger, "I'll find u Oscar..."

Tim: Cuz this fic can't end till I'm done, and even I don't wanna be in here!

>he was literally at the other side of the toon world.

Graham: So ask Bugs for directions, take the RIGHT turn at Albequerque and you'll be there in no time!

>Back at the Looniversity gym, Buster took the B.ball, as Lola
>prepared herself for her 1 on 1 match,

>Oscar was a lil worried, then, Buster threw the ball upwards. Oscar
>and Lola jumped for the ball and they almost collapsed with each
>other,

Tim: Oscar from the impact, Lola from the revulsion...

>but Lola won it. Oscar exalted,

Graham: Halleluiah! I suck at basketball and I'm getting my ass handed back to me by a cartoon character!
Tim: That proves that. He does NOT know the meaning of exalted.

>and landed on his paws, he turned around, just as Lola landed and
>chuckled at him, she immediately dashed (bouncing the ball of course)

Graham: Too bad it wasn't Oscar's head, but...

>to Oscar's hoop side, but Oscar made his ZATSUKEN, and stole the
>B.ball outta her hands,

Tim: I'd rather it be Zansetsuken...
Graham: Huh?
Tim: Odin's mega killer instant death now yer gonna get it bitch slice 'em in half attack from FF8. It always worked. EVEN on bosses, once you get Gilgamesh.
Graham: Meaning not even Oscar could survive it?
Tim: Yup.
Graham: HALLELUIAH!

>everyone even Lola was startled to see that he made such a quick move,
>a small blurry image of Oscar was left behind Lola, and the real Oscar
>was RIGHT BEHIND her,

Graham: Not this again!

>Oscar was reliefed that his Saiya-Jin power/skill/moves etc. weren't
>drained completely, that meant he could do a small Kame-Hame-Ha,
>or a mega jump.

Graham: (Megaman from Captain N) That's Mega-lame!
Tim: Of course, so was he... ZERO FANS UNITE! BEAMS SABERS FOR EVERYBODY!


>Oscar knew he shouldn't stay too long in one same spot,

Tim: Because the man with the pointy stick would intrude upon his sanctum, open his coffin and plunge it through his heart!
Mark: Isn't that dracula?
Tim: Oh, yeah... but they are both lifesucking assholes.

>cuz Lola would steal the ball again, so he ran to Lola's hoop side and
>jumped high above the rim, SLAMMING the ball into the hoop, Fifi then
>thought "Gotta love him" she smiled lightly. Babs had a "Go Oscar"

Tim: (Sign) [Go AWAY Oscar!] (flip) [Leave and never] (flip) [come back!]
Graham: How do you flip the sign twice and have new text each time?
Tim: [Such are the mysteries of hammerspace, child...]

>Calamity Coyote-like sign, Buster raised an eyebrow, and cleared his
>throat, Babs smiled guilty and hid the sign, with an innocent look,
>and laughing nervously, Buster then tought, "She hasn't changed a
>bit".

Mark: Oh well, better get to work reprogramming her mind again...

>The gym was in silence after Oscar landed on his paws,

Graham: So everyone had pawsed, right?
Tim: Umm... I'm not sure whether to groan or not...

>Lola was still dazzled and couldn't say a thing,

All: A thing.

>Oscar then turned around, he walked to her, his steps echoing,

Graham: Take our new twelve steps Program. Self Insertion fics, why you shouldn't write them!
Mark: You're one to talk.
Tim: But we realize we are acting godboy SI, and we mocketh ourselves for it!

>till he finally got to her side, "Ummm Lola...?" he asked softly,

>Lola sighed and simply went to the bench, took her bag, zipped it up,
>and slung it over her shoulder, whipping the sweat out of her forehead.

All: (BLINK!)
Graham: Quitting after a single point is scored against you?
Tim: With yer opponent cheating his ass off at that...
Mark: She's one sore loser...
Tim: And if Oscar has his way, which he, unfortunately, will, she'll have a whole lot more that's sore... Oh, and look, Lola's a sadist! She was whipping her own sweat!

>She went out, as everyone stared at Oscar, "What?" he managed.

All: (the crowd) H-h-he-her-HERMAPHRODITE! AAAAAH RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

>He then ran to the exit and looked everywhere for Lola, "I didn't think
>she'd take this so hard..." he tought feeling like shit.

Tim: Well, I'm not about to contest THAT!

>He walked all around the Looniversity and he was about to give up,
>when he saw her,

>alone sitting in a tree with a thoughtful look on her face

Graham: He can't spell Thought accurately, EVER, yet has no problems whatsoever with thoughtful... this is odd...

>and with a small flower in her hand,

Tim: If Oscar "Deflowers" her, I'm going to scream, go Toranoken, and send IG88 to kill the freak.

>playing "He/she loves me, she/he loves me not",

Graham: From a half minute "B.ball" game she can tell his true gender?
Tim: Stanger things, such as Oscar, have happened...

>Oscar slowly went to her side and sat at her side,

Tim: giving her sideways glances, though which side we cannot DE-cide.

>Lola didn't noticed him until he said "Lola" she then threw away the
>flower and only heard him,

Graham: As all the nearby animals had gone deathly quiet, as if the spawn of Satan himself had entered the area... Oh wait a minute, HE HAS!

>Oscar bit his lower lip,

Tim: But can he do a backflip?

>"Ummm Lola..", Lola blinked, and replied

Mark: Go away
Graham: Die
Tim: See you in court. I'm suing for emotional damages!
Mark: (Oscar) For beating you in a one minute b.ball game?
Tim: (Lola): No, from having to meet you, that's damaging enough...

>"Yes...?" Oscar, looked upwards "Are u mad at me..?"

Tim: (looking down) YES!
Graham: I'd say God's pretty pissed too...
Tim: Doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible "Thou shalt not insert thineself into realms where one does not belong?"
Graham: Yeah, somewhere around the "Thou shalt not fuck cats, rabbits, etc." section.

>Lola sighed, "I'm just a little peachy...",

Mark: As opposed to Oscar, who is Bitchy.

>Oscar got a lil more confidence when she said that, "I didn't mean to
>be like that..."

Graham: You know, all ego stroking and all...
Tim: You sure his ego was ALL he was stroking?

>Lola smiled lightly,

Graham: Try Blindfresh! When you need to blind people to escape, use Blindfresh for those painfully white teeth!

>"It's just that i played my best with you because..."

Mark: I can't even sink a shot IRL and I was pretending I was good...

>Oscar continued,

Tim: Fourth seal hath broken...
Mark: HUH?
Tim: And the day that the scourge of evil shalt be let alone to live, the fourth seal shalt break. Or something like that...

>as Bugs was passing by, but when he was about to turn,

Graham: Left at alberquerque...

>he saw Oscar and Lola, and he only backed up, hiding and listening
>to what they where saying.

>Oscar then managed to finish "I...like you Lola..i like you a lot"

Tim: (Singing)He's Gump, He's Gump
What's in his head?
He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump
Is he in-bred?
Graham: If we're actually talking about Oscar, I say YES!
Tim: That's all I have to say about that.

>Lola turned at him "I know, many ppl had said that to me...",

Tim: So yer saying that a lot of ppl, whatever those are, have at one time possesed a "said that to me..."?
Graham: Makes almost as much sense as a Dr. Thinker fic...

>Oscar then gulped,

>and took a serious look

Mark: Hey, come back here! Shoplifter!
Tim: (Indian quickie mart guy) We do not tolerate shoplifting on these premises! Thank you come again.

>"but i like you not just for what you are,

Mark: But also for what I'm about to make you do...
Tim: "But also because you are truly cute from the inside out,no
>matter what you wear." Oh wait, We're not supposed to have MST'd that yet...

>but for what i am when i'm with you..." Lola's eyes lighted up, and
>replied

Graham: What he is with her is the same as when he's with anyone else. A crappy writer with two sets of genetalia and no sense of reality whatsoever!
Tim: And coming from people who live without constraints of natural law, that's pretty bad.

>"But...maybe you're different" ,When Bugs heard that he closed his
>fist in jealousy,

Tim: It felt a lot like mayonaisse
Mark: That sounded really really wrong...
Tim: Wait, Bug's over 80, Lola's at most twenty. Does this mean Bugs has a Lola-ita complex?
Graham and Mark: GROAAAN!...

>Lola had refused him, so many times not even after the "Game of
>the century"

Mark: The OJ trial?
Graham: The Clinton Scandals?
Tim: Tetris?

>with the Monstars,

Tim: Silverhawks died out awhiles ago, Oscar me target...

>he never got to the likes of her, even with his kiss.

Graham: I know DOGS with better grammatical ability than Oscar!

>Oscar smiled happy that she wasn't mad at him, that would suck like

Tim: A hoover?

>never before.

>He then leaned back, and layed on the soft green grass, with Lola,
>he finally said "It's weird...talking nice with a coach...

Graham: Most of them send me to the showers and whip me with wet towels while the other guys laugh...
Tim: I just had a thought. When Oscar goes to the public bathrooms which room does he go in, and, which one does he piss out of?
Mark: Did not need to go there... (Upchucks)

>but, what happened with Bugs?", Lola sighed and answered "Oh him?
>he's just a hopeless asshole...flirting with every F.rabbit he sees, acting
>"Cool" all the time..sheesh",

Graham: And Oscar's one to talk...
Tim: He's even swearing in Shorthand now... Ampersand Semicolon Numeral, Dollar sign, Asterisk, left bracket, exclamation mark, question, right bracket, dollar sign.
Mark: What the hell was that?
Tim: Swearing in longhand.

>Oscar chuckled lightly, as he said "So much for him",

Graham: If this wasn't an SI fic, Bugs'd have made Oscar wanna be dead so many times over by now...

>Bugs was simply furious when he heard her.Suddenly, Lola rolled
>from her back to her stomach, and got closer to Oscar,

>he blushed lightly and nervously asked "Ummm Lola?..."

>Lola smiled as she kissed him in the LIPS,

Tim: DRAW BLOOD, DRAW BLOOD! RIP HIS JAW OFF!

>Oscar went wide-eyed, one of his fantasies had come true,

Mark: Oh, surprise, surprise...

>Bugs's head was RED steam shooting outta his ears,

Graham: So he's steamed Rabbit?
Tim: How about we make some steamed Skunk?

>and a lil devil appeared at his left side.

>Lola parted from him, "Lola..." Oscar weakly said, "I know it feels
>weird, you're 14
>and i'm...well

Graham: Completely disgusted

>i can't tell you everything do i?

Tim: He lost track of what verb he was using in the middle of a sentence!

>he he, i like you too Oscie.." Lola added, as Oscar's mind played a
>small flashback, it was when Artemis, and Felicia told him just that

>(Read my other past fanfics),

Graham: Again, done that
Tim: Mst'd it
Tim and Graham: Ripped the AUTHOR three new assholes!

>Oscar then caressed Lola's cheek, working up to her face,

Mark: The cheek IS part of the face...

>Lola smiled with her eyes closed and, then stood up She picked up
>her bag and said

Graham: Well, I'm utterly revolted. Expect rabid fanboys to tear you to shreds shortly...

>"Well, c'ya around Oscie" Oscar also stood up and smiled , waving
>her goodbye, oscar left, but when he turned in the corner, he saw a
>furious Bugs, "Oh Hiya Bugs!"

Tim: As opposed to a Sadistically Malicious Bugs, who was standing right behind Oscar with a multiton mallet.

>Bugs frowned "Don't hiya me kid! what you where doing with my
>gal?!" Oscar pouted with a smile

Graham: Isn't that physically impossible?
Tim: Is there such a thing in an SI fic?

>"YOUR gal?!""Yes my gal, you little S.O.B."

Mark: Some Obese Butt?
Graham: Sautee'd Over Beefsteak?
Tim: Salivator on Breasts?

>Oscar then ignored him, and left, but Bugs grabbed him

>by his Sailormoon shirt and said

Graham: You dirty skunk, you killed my brother...

>"You mess with my Lola, you mess with me" Oscar had a serious look
>on his face, "Let me go Bugs,"

>Bugs grinned "Aw the poor lil wuss is scared?"

Mark: He should be...

>Oscar the closed his eyes, and hit Bugs's wrist making him let go off,

Tim: Oscar verse Bun-Bun. Now THAT'S a fight I'd like to see. Not even SI god powers could save him then...

>and then twisted Bugs's arm, driving him into the ground, smashing
>Bugs's face into the pavement,

Graham: Bug's arm can twist around about four or five times without pain, and this slams him into the ground? Riiight...

>he applied the SHARPSHOOTER on him,

Tim: Ain't that a REALLY old NES zapper game?

>and even if Bugs was a cartoon character, he couldn't do nothing
>against the leg-lock,

Graham: Except for the hundreds of things he's done in the past to get out of them...

>Bugs yelled out in pain, as Oscar tightened the grip, but he eventually
>freed him, Oscar pouted and said "Lola is right, you ARE pathetic"
>he strolled away.

Tim: (Checking fic) She never said he was pathetic. Just a hopeless asshole. And he does not hit on every fucking rabbit he sees!
Graham: HUH? Where'd that come from?
Tim: Up above, when I was checking the fic.

>Meanwhile, the B.Ball youma was still on his way to ACME city,
>grunting and destroying everything,

All: SMASHY!!!!

>which no one could see it cuz he was in a dessert ha ha haaa!

Mark: But there wouldn't be anything do destroy in a desert, now would there?
Tim: But he said dessert. And Oscar will get his just ones shortly...

>Back in looniversity,

>Oscar was in the classroom with the rest,

>Fifi was still wanting to know where he was from,

Graham: Despite her better judgement.

>Buster was at his side "Yo Osc, great move there in the gym eh?"
>Oscar grinned and replied

Tim: Well, it's nothing when you're the wri- I mean so good.

>"yeah, i thought i'd lose all my Saiy....skills when i got to this di....i
>mean city"

Tim: and I'm not trying to cover u... brag, because I really su... rock.

>He smiled nervously, Shirley came and said "Like i feel something
>weird on you Osc.." Oscar raised an eyebrow, nervously"like what?"

Graham: It's as if you were one of the world's worst fanfic writers...

>Shirley rubbed her chin "Something as if you weren't from this world
>or sumthing.."

Mark: But, NAAHHHH!

>"You must be malfunctioning Shirl" Plucky interrupted,

>"Like i wasn't talking to you" Shirley responded to Plucky's interruption.

>Oscar left the classrom before the next teacher came in,

Tim: Kids move from class to class, Hermy. NOT teachers.

>and went outside the facility, and into it's backyard, he thoughtg it'd
>be good if he increased his power during his stance in here,

>so he went to the perfecto prep. He eventually got there,

Graham: Third year, second day: Can finally see Perfecto prep in the distance, or it might be a tree, must keep moving...

>he looked up and saw the spooky castle

>"Hm it's here alright"

Mark: Oscar's blind as a bat!
Bat: I RESENT THAT REMARK!

>He then walked to the main entrance and entered,

Tim: Being redundantly redundant, are ye Oscar?

>it was too quiet to be Perfecto prep suddenly, the floor opened and
>almost swallowed Oscar

Tim: Thankfully for the floor, it at the last second realized what it was about to eat and threw it back up.

>"Whoa!" Oscar shocked as managed to jump away,

Graham:... Not a clue.

>One of the Perfecto bullies stept out and said "Who are u

Tim: and he said he was trying to use spellchecker last time... Stept doesn't EXIST!

>and what are u doing here?" Oscar noticed him and responded

Mark: Duh.....

>"I'm here to challenge Roderick Rat!" the bullie bursted out in
>laughter "AAH HBAHA HA HA!

Tim: Sorry to have "bursted" your bubble Oscar, but Bursted ain't a word... and Hbaha?

>YER KILLING ME! HA HA HA U BEAT OUR TOP HEAD
>HONCHO! HA HA"

Graham: Well, plenty of folks've done it before. Maybe even Oscar IRL could.
Tim: HA! HA! It is to laugh!

>Oscar ignored him and with a pout, he leaved the place

Mark: Fine (sniff) be that way then... MOMMY! THEY WERE MEAN TO ME!

>and went inside the instalation.

Tim: Oscar left, thereby entering? Though it couldn't help the story much, a basic knowledge of english would help comprehension IMMENSELY.

>"Who the hell is him?!" Roderick Rat asked furiously,

Tim: My don't know! But look at He! Him is Hermaphrodite!
Graham: And all your base are belong to us!
Tim: Somebody should set Oscar up the bomb...

>"Ummm i don't know sir, he's from here..." One of his slaves said,

Mark: So Oscar's a perfecto prep spy?
Tim: Hah! I beleive that as much as I beleive Reakk getting a perfect score on the SAT's!

>Roedrick Rat then smiled "He he he..if he wants to fight me...then i
>shall plase him"

Graham: Isn't plasing the act of ripping out somebody's entrails?
Tim: No that's trating. Plasing is the act of laughing uncontrollably at the Author behind a godboy SI fic that takes itself seriously.
Mark: It's not in Webster's Dictionary...
Tim: No, but see? It's in Wabster's dictionery.

>He then steped out of his place, and into the hallway, were Oscar was
>still looking for him.

Tim: Meanwhile, the gang was still trying to coax scooby out from under the rug after seeing Oscar...

>A door opened and Roderick came out of it

Graham: Was it a closet door?
Tim: Roderick, not Oscar.

>"Rod..how nice to see you" Oscar said with a teasing voice, Roderick
>then took off his cape and said

All: CAPE? When the hell'd he wear a cape?

>"So you wanna challenge me..what are u an idiot?" Oscar then

All: YES HE IS!

>replied "Idiot is what idiot does"(It's Forrest bum coming soon to a
>bad neighborhood teathre near u)

Graham: And Oscar is one to talk about stupid...
Tim: He IS as stupid does!

>Roderick Rat then said

>"Show me what u got chump" Oscar grinned and his image suddenly
>became fuzzy

Tim: Somebody go get tech! Oscar's picture went fuzzy instead of totally blanking! We've got a malfunction here!

>"What the..." Roderick blinked, Oscar was righ behind him "Hello"
>Roderick shocked and leaped, smashing his head to the ceiling and
>then falling hard on his back SMASH,

Graham: Shouldn't the sound affects be seperate from the narration?

>Roderick was astounded to see such speed on a 14/skunk,

Tim: Or rather, a 14/skunk on so much speed.

>he then launched a right fist into Oscar But he dodged it easily

Graham: Si godboy moding. allowing you to dodge, after the fact.
Mark: Available in BAD fanfics everywhere...
Tim: Like yours. Wait. Roderick launched a punch into Oscar but Roderick dodged it? NANI?

>"That's your maximum strength?"

Tim: I call no deoderant jokes!

>Roderick, already furious, made a dual fist strike,

Graham: Roderick used Doubleslap!
Tim: Critical hit! It's supereffective! Oscar fainted!

>but Oscar grabbed hold of Roderick's fists and started to crunch it's bones,

Tim: To start it's bones? So he initiated a "to crunch" which is comprised of bones?
Graham: Makes as much sense as the rest of the fic.

>"ARRGHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?" Roderick yelled out, as
>his bones were being cracked,

Mark: Cracking your bones, duh.
Tim: So Oscar's cracking Roderick's knuckles, isn't that sweet? And considering how dishonorable Oscar's portrayed them sofar, I'm surprised a perfecto prep kid ain't tried to shoot him yet...

>Oscar grinned and let him go. Oscar then sighed depressively as he
>thought Roedrick would be more of a challenge

Graham: Than a wedge of swiss cheese.
Tim: Make it cheddor and we have ourselves another matchup Oscar can't win. SI fic writer verse invunerable block of cheese.

>"Roderick. Expect to see the Looniversity's students, to be better than
>you" He warned him and strolled away,

Mark: Whatever that meant. I'm sure it might've possibly sounded impressive if it made sense and Oscar did it right.

>the perfecto bullies, tryed to attack him of course, but roderick

Tim: As opposed to Roderick

>stopped them "WAIT! Let him go!"

Tim: To the bathroom!

>Roderick yelled at them, the bullies were puzzled "But why?"

Graham: YOU IDIOT! HE's the author! How much of a chance do you think you have!

>Roderick then stood up and thought "If the looniversity is gonna have
>ppl like him, then i must train my boys as well".

Graham: well, aren't they ruthless ppl?
Tim: I'd prefer it if we could make Oscar one of the toothless people...

>Then at recess...

Graham: Which highschoolers do not have.
Tim: (snaps fingers) I GOT IT!
Graham: What?
Tim: Why Oscar doesn't know a flip about highschool!
Mark and Graham: You mean there's a LOGICAL reason?
Tim: Yep. Oscar was still 13 when he wrote this. Meaning that he hasn't even been to JUNIOR HIGH yet. Let alone High school! Sixth graders still get recess, and Oscar doesn't know that Highschoolers are treated otherwise!
Mark: Bet he does now, though.
Tim and Graham: No he doesn't... He's still a sixth grader!

>Oscar was alone, sitting leg-crossed

Tim: Cross-legged.

>and eye closed,

Tim: The reason Oscar only had one eye is because the other was violently ripped out after an encounter with a mini-lop that he tried to hit on. Meanwhile, in Jersey, Bun-Bun gave a present to Kiki.

>Shirley had finished her lunch, and suddenly found Oscar

Graham: Oh... I pity her. Losing her lunch right after finishing it, and because of OSCAR, no less...

>"Like how does he have such high KI?" she thought, as she also
>could feel others's KI, after all she IS the spiritual girl in TTA,

Graham: Totally tanked Animals?
Mark: Truly topless Asians?
Tim: Tubular twisted areonautics? Oh, and as for Ki. Well, Kiki from Sluggy Freelance has twice the Ki of anyone else in the world!
Graham: Was that as bad a joke as I thought it was and was it that way on purpose?
Tim: Yes, and YES!

>Oscar opened his eyes and smiled "Come on out Shirl i know yer there"

Mark: Um... Oscar, I'm like, on the other side of you, and some junk...

>Shirley smiled guilty and strolled to his side "how'd ya know i was
>like here?" Oscar sitted normaly not cross-legged or anything, and
>replied

Mark: The fact that you were talking kinda gave it away.
Graham: Actually, I've been saying that every thirty seconds since I sat down. Just got lucky this time, I guess...

>"As u, i can feel your KI, and i can even blast it out as a power beam"

Tim: Note to all readers: Oscar has no clue what he is talking about. This has been a friendly reminder from the people who don't want you to go insane and kill everyone in your general area!!!

>Shirley blinked "Like, how do you do that?" Oscar grimaced

Graham: Since Godzilla was standing on his nutsack.

>"You mean, u don't know how to do it?...

>i'm surprised, you, being the spiritual type in the classrom, and u don't
>know how to blast your KI...whoa"

Tim: No need to Shout, Oscar. We know what Ki is. or Chi, or Lifeforce, or Aura, or one of numerous OTHER things that the various cultures call the power.

>Shirly pouted "Like, just show it to me ok?" Oscar agreed, and stood
>up "Look carefuly ok?" "Ok" Oscar got in his battle stance and
>concentrated some of his KI "Kaameee-Haameee.."

Mark: Who the hell are Kammy and Hammy?

>A blue energy ball formed between his 2 hands, Shirley was astounded
>and slightly backed up "HA!!" Oscar yelled, and released his
>Kame-Hame-ha into the atmosphere.

Graham: Hawaiian kings in Low Earth Orbit, what'll they think of next?
Tim: School principals and hermaphrodites. Neither with EVA gear.

>Buster, Babs and the rest saw the blue beam emanate from the school,
>and quickly went to the source of it.

Mark: Weren't they outside, though?

>"Whoa, like Bravo!"

Tim: HBO!
Graham: Starz!
Mark: OTHER PREMIUM CHANNELS!

>Oscar chuckled a bit "Thanks, did you see how it's done?" he asked her,

Tim: What? I was, like, distracted by a blade of grass or some junk...

>"Yep, like i'm gonna try it right now" Shirl responded and stood up
>"Ok, show me" Oscar said, steping back a little, Shirley then
>concentrated and eventually managed to get a small blue ball on her
>hands

Graham: MARK! NO PERVERTED COMMENTS!
Tim: Hmm. Ki blasting valley girls... It's psychotic, but... well, it's psychotic...

>"WHOA i did it!" She yelled in excitation

Tim: What about the good vibrations?

>"Careful now" Oscar warned her, Shirley was TOO impressed by herself,

Graham: And thus, the pot once again calls the kettle black.

>and launched it to directly to someone who was passing by that moment,

Mark: then she realized what she was doing and yanked it back around towards Oscar.

>BLAM! the beam hitted that person, and it was Little Beeper
>(YESSS!!)

Tim: Here's a serious question. Do you honestly believe Oscar is at all capable of Subtlety?
(a moment)
All: No.

>"Oops, like sorry Beeper" Oscar laughed at that

>and then, almost everyone (Including Fifi) was learning the
>kame-hame-ha, so they could beat Perfecto prep. with no trouble at all.

All: As if they ever had trouble before...
Tim: When it wasn't the setup of the Episode, anyways...

>Oscar left Shirley,

Tim: Love'em and leave'em Oscar strikes again!

>with the others as he went to get something to eat, but suddenly. Lola
>appeared "Oscar..." Oscar heard her and turned around "Yes Lola?"
>Lola smiled at Oscar and hugged him

>"How do i say this..?"

All: This.
Tim: (Lola) Oscar. I've been seeing somebody else. He'll be here to meet you soon...
Graham: (Bun-Bun) *Ka-klick!* Die, Fag-boy! *Sounds of a Glock being fired*

>Oscar blushed lightly and suggested "Just say it Lola"

All: It Lola

>he smiled coyly and breathed calmly "I like you" Lola finally
>managed to say, Oscar pouted as he knew he had to leave her soon

>"I'm begining to repent from coming here..."

All: Must, resist... religious... joke...

>he thought worried for her and Fifi,

Graham: And what about Artemis? You don't seem to be too worried about... What the hell should I be calling Artemis?
Tim: Well, since I still hear the freak with the guy's voice. I say "He"

>and said "I-I like you too coach but.."

>Lola then let him go and asked "But what.." Oscar then thought
>"Wait a minute..if i fake my own death then, i wouldn't end like an
>asshole he he"

Tim: This is strangley foreboding...
Mark: Howzat?
Tim: Oscar is now presumed dead by many and a shrine has been set up to him on the web. I have not seen it, but I have heard from reliable sources. So either the Shrine is a gag, or the Shrine is a fake, set up by Oscar to cover his tracks...

>he shook his head and giggled "No nothing,"

>Time passed and at the end of the class day, everyone went out, and
>Fifi followed Oscar.

>But Oscar didn't had an excact place to go,

Tim: (singing) With no particular place to go...

>"Er, Oscar?" Fifi asked him with a lil voice tone,

>Oscar turned around and replied "Yes Feef?"

>"Where do you live?", Oscar then sighed "Well i don't have an excact
>place to spend my days...",

Graham: IE, he's homeless and lives under a bridge.

>Fifi then thought "YES!", and said "You can stay at my place while
>you find somewhere to stay.."

>Oscar smiled and agreed with her, they walked to her house

>(Dumped remodeled car actually),

Tim: Nice one Oscar, get on a girl's good side by insulting her house...

>Fifi sat in the couch with Oscar,

Graham: Duh... Shouldn't the couch be springy and stuff.... duh....

>they chatted of normal topics. "Oscar...why did you kissed me?"

>Oscar cleared his throat "Believe it or not,

All: NOT!

>i've known you for 3 years now, but i never had a chance to tell you
>what i felt like"

Graham: (Fifi) So ze is saying zat ze 'as been stalking me for tree yeahs! OUT, LEAVE MY HOME AND NEVAH RHETURN!
Tim: She'd spray him badly with her stink juices first. Even skunks can't stand the skunk spray.

>Fifi looked puzzled "Huh? How can you know me if we just met
>today?" Oscar grinned

Graham: In ONE DAY he can win over two girls two his side, both of whom are older than he is, and way out of his league... That's believable...

>"Let's just say i've seen you chase Furrball, Calamity Coyote and i
>have witnessed when you got caught by Elmyra...that sucked"

Tim: Nowhere near as badly as the current situation it didn't

>Fifi raised her eyebrows and tought "Whoa...he knows a lot about me..."

Mark: (Fifi) Must find ze shotgun and shoot zis hermaphrodite stalker...

>Oscar kept talking

Tim: Fifi quickly fell asleep

>"The only bad thing is..i won't be here for long.." Fifi then blinked,

>as Oscar continued "I know...this has been the first time you've
>kissed someone..and i'd love to stay...but"

Graham: I plan to fake my own death as to not seem like an asshole for leaving... wait I wasn't supposed to tell you that, was I?

>Fifi putted her hands on his shoulders

Tim: Body parts removed, golf references... two subjects you NEVER expect to see in the same sentence together!

>"But what?!" Oscar closed his eyes "I'm not from this world...

>i'm really a "Human".."

All: NO YOU AIN'T

>Fifi shook him a lil "I don't care!" Oscar then said "I'm a Herm.." Fifi
>blinked,

Tim: For those of you just tuning in, "Herm", in this case, means "too stupid to be called a retard."

>but finally said "Even if you are a Herm, or a human"

>Oscar then parted her

Graham: right in half.
Tim: Lengthwise or along the belly?

>"Fifi, understand this, i don't want to make a relation with you, and
>then leave just like that"

Mark: So zen just leave!

>Fifi got closer to him and layed her head on his legs

>"Why do you have to leave...?" Oscar sighed sadly "I have to, my
>friends are waiting for me,

All: FRIENDS?

>Artemis is waiting for me...

Tim: and we FINALLY get to the point where he remembers his "true love" whom he is cheating on almost constantly with beings from alternate dimensions.
Graham: Guess Oscar thinks love means nothing more than "prelude to sex"
Tim: I cannot refute, and have proof supporting, that claim, Graham.

>i can't leave them" Fifi finally let out a tear,

>and started crying softly.

>Oscar felt bad for her, "But even if i have to leave, i'll at least make
>you happy..." Fifi, still crying, said "What?"

All: But even if i have to leave, I'll at least make you happy!
Graham: What is it with Oscar and people going deaf?
Tim: Mental block to keep from hearing his voice?
Mark: Sounds right to me...

>Oscar lifted her face up

>"But only if it's ok with you..", Fifi suddenly realized what he was
>trying to say,

Graham: And lost her lunch.

>"Please do...", Oscar closed his eyes "Ok then.." and he got closer to
>her, finally embracing her in a passionate kiss, Fifi then turned the
>lights off....

Tim: That wasn't even an actual lemon and I'm still about to go Toranoken...

>The next day,Oscar and Fifi went to school, Oscar had to avoid
>security again (He he ain't i a stinga?),

>Fifi got to the classroom, but Oscar waited her outside.

>Suddenly, someone yelled "Yo Oscie! think fast!"

>a B.ball went directly to his face BBAAAAAM!!! Oscar got hit by it
>and smashed into the ground

Graham: Thinking, period, is not an ability Oscar has cultivated over the years.

>"DO'H!",

Tim: The impact shoved him straight into the world of the simpsons!

>"He he sorry Oscie, you ok?" the person said going to his side, Oscar
>stood up with his face all reddened,

>he looked and the person was Lola in her Levis-and "Looniversity"
>shirt, spinning the B.ball on her finger,

>"Oh hi Lola...ough"

Graham: Lolaough... sounds russian.

>Lola giggled and helped him stand up, "So wanna play another 1 on 1?"
>she asked with a smile,

Tim: This time I get to cheat my ass off with superpowers and YOU have to give up after I score a single point!

>"Ok, but be careful he he" Oscar grinned.

Tim: Grrrrrrrr.....

>They walked to the school gym, where Lola took off her jeans leaving
>only her shorts, Oscar glazed to her well formed legs,

>his eyes lighting up,

>when Lola said "Yo Oscie, c'mon" Oscar shook his head and tought
>"No that could never happen..." and went to the court with her,

Graham: Another SUBTLE clue as to where THIS scene is going...

>"Ready?" Lola said with a grin, they began playing, the gym was
>locked up, so no one could enter, and they could have a private
>game/talk, without prying ears, or hidden eyes,

Mark: Very SUBTLE!

>in one particular move, Lola jumped high above, as Oscar tripped and
>fell below the hoop, he was flat on his back, Lola dunked the B.ball,
>and it fell down, almost hitting Oscar in his crotch, but he didn't
>noticed it,

Tim: Grrrrrr.......

>Lola fell and landed over Oscar, her legs spread apart as she sat right
>in Oscar's crotch, of course, Oscar blushed immediately, as Lola was
>on top of him, she smiled and said "I kinda like this position...don't
>you?"

Tim: GROWL!

>(OW mAN! she's hot!),

Tim: (snarling)

>Oscar had a funny little smile on his face and his clit let out a tiny
>part of his juice,

Tim: (eyes glazing over)
Graham: Mark, Into the bunker now. we're gonna comment from there from here on out. Oh, and if you don't survive, can I have your Playstation?

>as Lola (Still in that position) got closer to his face, and whispered to
>his ear "Are you up to it?..." Oscar gasped at this, and weakly said
>"Ye-Yes....", Lola smiled seductively, as she took off her shirt..

Tim: (rips the Theatre to shreds, and releases a good chunk of the SOL to outer space. UNfortunately, the auto repair systems kick and and a new theatre is built.

>The B.Ball Youma was at the outstreaks of Acme city,

>"Oscar! i know you're close!" the Youma kept advancing

>A while later, Oscar and Lola were gasping for air,

Graham: As the rest of the gang has steadily been pouring noxious gas into the gym.

>"I didn't knew you were a Herm...." Lola said a little exhausted, "I
>didn't know you were a Virgin"

Tim: (Still half Toranoken) Wait. Earlier she was doing "He/She loves me" with the flower, and she didn't know he was a hermaphrodite?

>Oscar said smiling and still gasping,

>Lola giggled lightly for that.

>*LATER*

>Oscar took a mop, and cleaned the "Little mess" they did,

Tim: I forbid commentary on that sentence. Other than this. OSCAR is the little mess.

>Lola felt a lil weird as she had lost her "V".

Graham: She can no longer be considered a Gundam then.

>Then suddenly, the earth started shaking,

Tim: did it rattle and roll too?

>"What's that?" Lola said a lil worried, and the ground kept shaking,
>each time a STOMP sound was heard, they went out of the gym, and
>saw that something was breaking havoc in the city

Tim and Graham: GO GOJIRA!
Mark: I'd rather if Godzilla was attacking.
Tim and Graham: ... shut up.

>"Aw damn!"

Tim: DIDN'T WE JUST TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?!?
Graham: My eardrum busted...
Mark: My skull is fragmenting...

>Oscar thought "It better not be what i think it is",

Mark: DUH... I think it's Artemis...
Tim: So it IS the attack of the fifty foot Artemis after all!

>Lola then followed Oscar, as he ran down to the havoc site.

>Oscar pouted as he saw what he feared it'd be

>"Aw damn, a fucking Youma, my powers are way down...but i think
>i can handle it", Lola grew concerned "Umm Oscar...

>what is this?" she said as she saw the B.ball creep youma,

>Oscar replied,"A youma sweetie.."

Tim: Aw... Oscar's hot for the Youma now too!

>the youma then turned around and saw Oscar, "OSCAR! your time
>has come!"

>Oscar frowned and got in his fighting stance "C'mon!" he yelled,
>"Lola stand back", Lola stept back from the fighting place, the other
>toons didn't waited too long to appear on the scene,

Tim: Like grains of sand... such are the errors of an Oscarfic...

>Fifi was with them, and saw Oscar preparing to fight the Youma.

>"OSCAR!" Fifi yelled at him, this distracted Oscar and the Youma
>attacked him with a red beam, Oscar got hit by the beam and
>smashed into a nearby wall,

Tim: and into the wall behind that, and behind that, and behind that, until he was WAYYYY out in the middle of the pacific where the sharks got him. The End.

>"Ough nice move but!" he then dashed forward and attacked the
>youma with a mega triple kick, which connected easily,

Graham: That was Mega lame too!
Tim: Three times as bad as the last, at that.

>but the youma countered with a nega fist that Oscar barely managed
>to evade,

Tim: And that would be Nega lame, I take it?
Graham: That's Mega right!

>and he made his infamous Kame-Hame-Ha!,

Tim: It ain't yours. Unless yer making the claim that YOU are Master Roshi
Graham: Well, he IS perverted enough...

>"Check this! it's my KAME-HAME-HA!"

Mark: For those of you who missed it the last two times, its his Kame-Hame-Ha.
Tim: As opposed to the Kamehameha which will actually do damage.

>a blue energy ball began forming on his hands, the youma was
>intimidated by it and blocked, the energy ball was small, due to
>Oscar's lack of energy, and he finally released it

>"HAAAA!!!" he shouted as the beam stroke the youma,

>but the youma persisted, Oscar was already sweating hard, and he
>knew that he'd must use his ultimate move,

All: THE DELETE KEY!

>"Lola....everyone...goodbye.." he said with a smile, the youma raised
>an eyebrow, and Lola gasped

>"Wait...no!" Fifi also exalted when she heard this,

>Buster was astounded to see what Oscar was about to do for them.

Tim: And yes folks, he IS pretending to kill himself!
Graham: WE, on the other hand, just might do it if the fic goes on much longer!

>Oscar then with his speed he ran and grabbed hold of the youma, the
>grip VERY tightened,

>"Hey you lil motherfucker let me go!!"

Graham: Should that be Mother F.er?

>Oscar grinned and he began concentrating his remaining energy,
>making a big yellow energy field around them,

>"OSCAR! DON'T!!"

All: WRITE FANFICS!

>Lola yelled desperately, almost crying, Fifi was puzzled for Lola's
>actions, and she tought "Hmmm...nah it couldn't be, they're dif. ages",

Tim: And this has stopped people before? I call to your attention Pedophiles. Which Oscar is likely to become when he is older, now that I think about it...
Mark: DO NOT GO THERE, TIM!

>Oscar smiled one last time "Good-bye....my friends.."

All: (looking around) WHAT FRIENDS?

>the energy's light was WAY too bright to see a thing, and the Youma
>yelled in pain "AAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!"

Mark: MY EYES!

>when the whole dust cleared off, only crushed pavement was left.

Tim: Everything else having been utterly destroyed. not by Oscar's blast, but by the thought of having to deal with Oscar's dead body.

>"NOOOOO!!!!" Lola yelled, as she rushed to the place where Oscar
>was ast standing, she knelt looking down, crying softly, she looked
>upwards and imagined Oscar's face in the sky.

Mark: Oscar drove her crazy! She's seeing things!

>That night

Tim: One fine day, in the middle of the night...

>"Oscar...perhaps the only boy who isn't a complete jerk" Said Lola,
>alone in a bench

All: (Laughing uncontrollably)
Tim: It's obvious why he writes these so much... he's got one of the world's biggest inferiority complexes!

>looking at the moon,

Tim: Mark, forget it! No mooning the audience.
Mark: AWWW...
Graham: The SCREEN on the other hand...

>she thought if she'd find someone as him, "Oscar..".

>Fifi was in her house, looking at her mirror, remembering what
>Oscar told her "I'll leave soon" she then sniffed "But why did you had
>to leave this way?"

Graham: Why'd he have to come is what I wanna know...

>In a lone part of Acme city, Oscar was already refueled with his
>normal power, due that the youma was destroyed and it's nega energy
>field was gone, he wanted to stay but he had to return home.

>He couldn't stand say good-bye to them...

>he sighed sadly and fled to the big WB,

Tim: Mobs of people with guns full of silver bullets hot on his trail...
Graham: That's the werewolf.
Tim: No, it's the director's cut!

>the WB opened to Oscar and he went in, surprisingly, he returned
>just where he left, he saw Artemis in the bed, the lights off, and the
>exact hour he left, meaning that time froze when he was in Tiny
>Toon/ Looney tune land.

All: ISN'T THAT CONVENIENT?

>He wa releived, of that, and simply went to sleep with Arty.

>Meanwhile in the enemy's base: "Dammit!" Kaoline punched the
>wall, in anger,

Graham: However, one of her male counterparts had just walked through the door at the time and was right in the way of the wall and well...

>as her first attempt failed, "Well, at least there's still Chris and
>Felicia hm hm hm ha ha ha ha!!!" she laughed wickedly.

Tim: Is she gonna try and sic THEM on him too?

>Finally, the next day in Tiny Toon/Looney Tune land,

Graham: The rejoicing was going non-stop since the evil presence had left their midst.
Tim: Oh, and the Youma was gone on top of that.

>Fifi went back to school hoping to find another special someone,

Mark: She found twelve in the first five minutes alone...

>and Lola went back to stand the whole dumbasses that called her
>"Doll" or harased her sexually

All: Like Oscar?
Tim: Hold it. I was just thinking. If this entire lame-ass fic takes place in the course of a little more than a day, isn't Oscar writing Lola as a slut willing to sleep with someone without knowing anything about them, and only having met them the day before, calling her by a name she hated?
Graham: Wow. Psychological profile Tim strikes again!
Tim: Bite me.

>"A normal day...damn" she said as she went to the gym once more....

Graham: And found ANOTHER hermaphrodite waiting for her.
Tim: Another day, another hermaphrodite...

>The End....for now!

ALL: HALLELIUAH!


(The Outer room)
Tim: Oscarfic, and Oscarfic. NUFF SAID!
Graham: Lousy plots, less than one dimensional characters, horrible diolague, sex with a skunk and a rabbit.
Mark: Make the bad man stop...
Artlu: So, did a double dose of Oscar break your spirits?
(Mark nods, Tim and Graham shake their heads)
Tim: Not at all! In fact, I've taken the liberty to Download actual character personalities into the databse of the less than system to show you Oscarfics, what really would have happened!
---
Scenes are shown from That girl, all of them ending in the brutal mutilation of Oscar, be it by the Scouts, Felicia, Artemis, or the stray dogs from the ending
---

Tim: Well, THAT was entertaining... Let's see what happens for Oscartoon. Starting from his meeting with Lola...

---
>"Sure would...doll"
Lola kicks Oscar is the groin, rips out his throat, pummels his body repeatedly, then leaves it for wild dogs.

>"You mess with my Lola, you mess with me" Oscar had a serious look
>on his face, "Let me go Bugs,"
>Bugs grinned "Aw the poor lil wuss is scared?"
Oscar has wet his pants.
Alternate situation. Oscar tries to initiate fight. Bugs simply slips out of Oscar's grasp and mallets him senseless.

>Roderick Rat then said
>"Show me what u got chump" Oscar grinned and his image suddenly
>became fuzzy
Oscar is easily defeated by perfecto prep's leader.
Alternate. during the battle, one of the Perfecto gang uses a dirty trick, snags oscar, and the PP students use him for torture practice for years to come.

Oscar has just told Fifi that he is leaving
Fifi: GET OUT YOU ONE NIGHT STANDER! I WILL NOT BE USED BY ONE ZE LIKES OF YOU YOU HERMAPHRODITE PEEG!

The Youma has Just shown up. It's first blast kills Oscar. All rejoice.

Artmesis has just woken up. S/he can smell Lola and Fifi on Oscar. S/he rips his eyeballs out as well as other body parts. All rejoice
---

Graham: Quite nice. Well, I think that's all for now, so if you'll take care of the closing, I'll take this quivering mass of fear home.
Tim: Okay folks, that's about it for today! Seeya later in MST4KSE4! We hope you'll be there, cuz we gotta be!
(Signal end)

THE END
***

>Felicia smiled and said "Well ok! i now men aren't too clean...C'ya!"
>She left.

>"Hey you lil motherfucker let me go!!"

Comments go to Ktnablade@AOL.com
or to Gmantis14@AOL.com

Comments appreciated, flames laughed at.
Once again, if you are the author of these two pieces, send your negative commentary directly up your rectal cavity.
---
Well, that's the last Oscarfic I've done, and probably will be the last. You can all rest easy from now on.

Emails are still quite dead. It'll be awhile before the any email included in these isn't dead, so use the forum for replies.