StarDestroyer.Net BBS

This is really a very rough draft, but I've got some clamor for it.

Normally, a PPC story would be in full prose form.

But I'm too lazy to change it from the IM snarking it was, though the intro has been made in prose. Normally this IM snarking would be cleaned up heavily, edited and run through a prose-making machine, but I'm a lazy fuck, so you get the raw version. I have better things to do. Scripts to write, submissions to go over, etc.

Hell, it was started several years ago, so long ago, infact, that I wish to change a whole section of the original prose.

Notes: A temporal-spacial distortion is a scene break (like the one between this notation and the story proper). Tenhawk uses so many of them that we eventually get sick of mentioning how painful they are. In my original draft, I removed them, but am trying to place them back in to get a feel of how common they are.

The PPC (Protectors of the Plot Continuum) is based in the "Official Fanfiction University" concepts that one proliferated across the net, begining in Lord of the Rings, eventually reaching other large fandoms such as Star Wars and Buffy. The concept being to teach people how to write good fanfiction. PPC acted as the cops and hall monitors. There are several references to different substances that generally work as digestive aids and brain-bleachers. When you read them, that's what they are. You'll know what they are when you see them. I hope.

Anyway, Storytime.

---

In one of the corridors of the Official Buffy and Angel Fanfiction University, two PPC agents made their way down the stone corridors of the basement and to the PPC equipment room.

One skipped along like a hyperactive schoolgirl who had just been released for the day. His enthusiastic attitude conveyed the fact that this would be his fist PPC mission to date. This was Majin Gojira, a student-teacher whose chosen University Avatar was one of a Lovecraftian entity known as a Shoggoth Lord—a formerly amorphous and mindless creature now with sentience and intelligence to control its once ever-shifting form into what it desired. Currently Majin Gojira took the form of a lanky, dark-haired, rather unkempt college student…as was required of him on school grounds or he would be expelled for driving the other students into madness through the horrible appearance of a full (albeit small) shoggoth. His area of expertise was in crossovers…because no one else really wanted the job, and he gladly took it.

The other dragged himself through the hallway as though he had been cursed. This was The Alliterator, the PPC archivist and librarian. Unlike his more exuberant and flashy companion, he was not looking forward to this mission. Nor was his form as exuberant as Majin’s. He came to the University in a normal, human guise not too dissimilar from his regular appearance in ‘reality’. He glanced at Majin Gojira for a moment and wondered if he had by accident driven himself mad by looking at his shoggoth form in a mirror.

“Have you heard about the situation upstairs?” Majin asked suddenly, breaking Alliterator’s concentration on the annoying tapping sound that echoed through the hallway as their shoes hit the stone floor.

“It’s the only reason I’m here right now. All of the other PPC agents are busy handling that mess, so they dig up the archivist to do some extra work.”

“Getting overtime?” Majin asked

“Majin, we don’t get paid”

“Oh…” Majin stopped for a moment, then continued on the path, “wouldn’t it be nice if we were?”

Alliterator ignored the new agent’s blasé comment as they approached the door to the storage room. Before entering, he asked: “Well, you reported this clunker, anything important I need to know about this one?”

Majin smiled as Alliterator opened the door. He took up an official, badly done British accent and began: “Firstly it’s a massive single-world crossover. Secondly, it has several Suvian demons in full and infectious forms. Thirdly, Canon Analyzers will be of little help. Most everyone is hopelessly out of character.”

“Massive Single-World Crossover…how many?” Alliterator asked as he began to load a small pack with various pieces of equipment.

“To many: Charmed, Aliens, Predator, Stargate SG-1, Hercules, The Shadow, True Lies, The Crow: Stairway to Heaven, Kung-Fu: the Legend Continues, Walker Texas Ranger, Pretender, John Carpenters “Vampires”, Dungeons and Dragons: Forgotten Realms setting, and so many others it makes my brain hurt and anus bleed.” Majin Answered as he grabbed a portal generator from one of the walls. “Plus the author creates his own convoluted mythology heavily influenced by Christian mystisism, Charmed, Atlantean psuedo-science and other things to make our teeth rot and minds ache. I swear, Suvians must have support from the Old Ones…or maybe Barbra Streisand”

“I was leaning towards Barbra” Allitrator agreed as he activated a portal leading towards the universe created by the badfic in question with the small, remote control-like device he had taken from the shelf.

*

In the Beginning, some way there was the word. Such is true with fanfic universes. The booming of the omniscient author echoed first in the duo’s ears:

Title : Journeys

Goji3: into the fowl blackness of Badfic despair!

"Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners...none of which are me. If they knew what they were doing I wouldn't have to write this stuff."

Goji3: Arrogant little snit isn't he?
alliterator85: Yep… "If Joss Whedon just did what I told him to in the detailed e-mail, I wouldn't have to write this."
Goji3: He later denounces the entire Buffyverse and changes his openings for his stories to match saying he never liked Buffy, only the fanwanked Xander he finds online
alliterator85: Makes you want to reach through the screen and throttle him, doesn't it?
Goji3: truth be told I have confronted the author about this, but fell under the waves of his fanpoodles… and the constant "It's fanfiction! We can do whatever we want to!" defense
alliterator85: Jeezy creezy.
Goji3: I'm not bitter, no
alliterator85: Bitterness is our gift.

Summary: Grads over and Xander leaves on his Road Trip. He winds up going a lot further then he ever expected.

Warning : I'm a B/Xer and this will be a B/X fic, but NOT FOR A WHILE. It will be X/Others in friendships and relationships for the first part of the story. Expect to see Buffy/Riley at one point as well... but I swear to God above that absolutely NO Buffy/Spike crap will be found within. (What kind of sicko thought that up anyway? Don't get me wrong, I liked Spike... until Buffy lost what little sanity she had.)

Goji3: Ya know how long it will take him to reach B/X
alliterator85: Let me guess... 200 bottles of bleeprin?
Goji3: It hasn't happened yet. I'm not kidding. It’s some 30 stories later and it still hasn’t happened yet.

Warning : Crossovers ahead. (Yes Plural.)

Rating : PG-13 to PG-16; for mild cursing, violence, and demonic horror content... in other words a bit more grown up then the series... but only cause I don't have to suck up to censors.

Goji3: He doesn't explain the crossovers...it's a game of "Where's Waldo" to try and spot them
alliterator85: "Look, there he is behind Phoebe! (beat) No, wait, that's just Prue with a striped shirt on."
Goji3: That ends the disclaimer, no mention of known canon distortion, they're all fair game.
alliterator85: Gotcha.

Sunnydale, California; Late June ‘99

Alexander ‘Xander’ Harris breathed a sigh of relief as the ‘You are leaving Sunnydale’ sign flashed by him as he sped out of town. It wasn’t that he really hated the place, but he definitely needed to get clear of town for a while. He had actually survived High School in this place and he wished he could say that things were looking up, but he knew better. Come fall, his friends would be heading for college and he’d likely be working in a burger joint just to pay the rent on his parent’s basement.

Goji3: crap from the start...
alliterator85: I thought his parents charged him rent AFTER he came back.
Goji3: Hey, I think your right...

On the passenger seat lay a ripped open envelope from UC Sunnydale, inside were his enrollment papers. Papers that he knew he wouldn't be able to use. I can't believe I actually got in. Shit. Xander shook his head mournfully, I just wish I had a chance in hell of affording it.

Goji3: To bad Xander didn't even apply to any schools in Season 3, as it was a plot point at least one episode where it was discussed…
alliterator85: Yeah, like Xander "Ah, the blue angora sweater!" Harris would even get into any schools.
Goji3: "School, who needs school: the open road is my school" - Paraphrasing, I know, but still, very close to the original quote

It was a pipe dream, Xander knew. His parents wouldn't pop for the tank of gas it would take for him to get to school, let alone four years of tuition. Xander just shook his head, half in disgust, and the other half ,despair. Finally he forced the thoughts back, clearing his mind of his worries as much as he could and turned the nose of the car North and West. He'd decided to follow the coast up as far as San Francisco before
turning East and heading cross country.

"Just me, the sun, the open road. And NO DAMNED VAMPIRES!" Xander screamed into the whipping wind as he pushed the accelerator down and sped away from Sunnydale.

Goji3: See, it's funny because that's not going to happen…somehow…that's funny.
alliterator85: Do people still use the slang 'pop'?
Goji3: it's a southern/east coast expression as far as I know
alliterator85: Oh. And how could Xander scream INTO the whipping sound?
Goji3: not very well I imagine (Beat) If this were actually Xander, He would have swallowed a bug
alliterator85: Hee,

***

San Francisco, California; A few hours later

The sun has set just as he cruised into ‘Frisco, causing the bay to shimmer with a thousand iridescent colors. Xander grinned as he watched the light show. Purdy. but, as The Buffster and Wills always tell me, my wardrobe has more colors...

Goji3: ARGH! WILLS! IT BURNS MY EYES! FANON BUNNY HURTS!
alliterator85: One charge: random capitalization. One charge: Wills. One charge: Actually calling it 'Frisco.
Goji3: One Charge: annoying PPC agent. I HATE WILLS!
alliterator85: Me too.

Xander turned his car to one of the more depressed parts of the city, looking for a cheap motel room for the night. A place to crash for a day or two perhaps while he explored some of the city. He wasn't going to stay long, but it would be nice to see the mist around the Golden Gate Bridge, maybe check out the Rock too, while he was here.

alliterator85: "One of the depressed parts of the city"?
Goji3: Octopuses and Sean Connery. That's all I can think of when I hear "Golden Gate Bridge” and "the Rock"
alliterator85: Whenever I hear The Rock, I think of the wrestler (and Scorpion King). Boy, that's a crossover I don't want to see.

Some nice, normal tourist stuff. Xander was smiling to himself when the man flew out of nowhere and crashed across the hood of his car, rolling up over the windshield, and tumbled into the backseat of the moving vehicle.

Xander managed to think to himself as he lost control of the car, swerving out of his lane and narrowly missing a parked car. That didn’t take long. Nice while it lasted... all HALF A DAMNED DAY!!!

Goji3: Since when did Xander get Bitter?
alliterator85: One charge: excessive exclamation points.
Goji3: Indeed

Pumping the brakes and twisting the wheel Xander managed to get the car back under control, skidding to a stop alongside an old warehouse.

Goji3: Well, at least he knows he has to pump the breaks in an old car...why does that not surprise me?
alliterator85: It's always got to be an old warehouse, doesn't it?
Goji3: Of course it's an old ware house. It’s always an old warehouse. When it isn't, RUN
alliterator85: By crazed monkeys?
Goji3: Vampire Piggies, silly
alliterator85: Ah.

"Would it kill you to give me one full day off!?" Xander screamed at the sky as he unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to check on his 'hitchhiker'. "Christ, Mister. I'm not going to ask if your ok, cause even I'm not THAT stupid, but are you at least conscious?"

alliterator85: Isn't that the same thing as asking if he's okay?
Goji3: Yup, but it's more technical! Hence, 'cooler'
alliterator85: And hence, 'more annoying.'

The man's slight moan, while not confirming or denying Xander's question, at least told the boy that the man was alive. Xander quickly checked the man out, looking for any obvious injuries that could be treated with First Aid.

The man’s slight moan, while not confirming or denying Xander’s question, at least told the boy that the man was alive. Xander quickly checked the man out, looking for any obvious injuries that could be treated with First Aid. When the man suddenly opened his eyes and sat up, Xander jumped back as if he’d been bit.

Which, upon reflection, he could easily have been, Xander figured. As the man vamped out Xander’s hands closed on a Stake he had placed next to the gear shifter.

alliterator85: Whoops.
Goji3: Because we know Xander carries a first aid kit around with him wherever he goes
alliterator85: And a Stake - another charge of random capitalization.

"Sorry, Fangy," Xander joked as he vamp grabbed for him, "no ticket, no ride."

As the vamp's hands closed around his throat Xander drove the wooden stake into it's chest, smirking at the vampire's shocked look as the bloodsucker turned to dust.

"Aw damn. Now I have to get the backseat vacuumed out."

Goji3: By the many tentacles of Cthulhu! I know that this verse turns Xander into a bad-ass action hero, but I didn't remember how fast it did it. Look, no powers yet but he's already got the action hero dry wit down!
alliterator85: Cruelty to the common comma and cruelty to the common apostrophe.
Goji3: I feel like I'm watching "Last Action Hero"...or the movie within the movie in that movie...
alliterator85: Yep, Xander - as played by Ahnold.

Xander looked back at the Alley the vampire had flown out of curiously, what the hell could have tossed a vamp that far? Xander cautiously left the car, grabbing a half dozen stakes and a thick bladed machete from under the seat. Why am I doing this? This is NOT my job. Aw hell, I can't turn a blind eye.

Goji3: Ok, stakes I can see, but machete?!
alliterator85: Of course - Xander = action hero and action heroes always carry around machetes. And put down another charge of random capitilization - "the Alley." Unless he meant it was a strip club called the Alley.

With that last thought Xander shifted to ‘patrol mode’ and headed for the alley.

alliterator85: Except Xander doesn't have a 'patrol mode'.
Goji3: He's a Transformer!
alliterator85: Xandermus Prime!
Goji3: "Guardian Mode Activate!"
alliterator85: Ahhh! Temporal/spacial shift!
Goji3: "Let's do the time warp AGAIN!"
alliterator85: Damn, now you got that stuck in my head!

***

It had been a couple of years since the ‘Soldier Boy’ incident had imparted its ‘gifts’ to him. Frankly Xander couldn’t say whether the experience had been beneficial or not. He could remember that night as clear as a bell but, of the Soldier memories, only the most intense ones seemed to have stuck with him.

alliterator85: That was in Season 2 - by 'The Zeppo' in Season 3, he was already back to not knowing anything about fighting.

It had been a couple of years since the ‘Soldier Boy’ incident had imparted its ‘gifts’ to him. Frankly Xander couldn’t say whether the experience had been beneficial or not. He could remember that night as clear as a bell but, of the Soldier memories, only the most
intense ones seemed to have stuck with him.

Goji3: is that coma in the right place? shouldn't it be before the 'but'
alliterator85: Yep.
Goji3: w00t! I spotted a Grammar mistake! Kennedy’s methods are startin’ to work after all!
alliterator85: Another charge of cruelty to the common comma.

On the plus side that meant that he had certain instinctive skills that tended to control his actions when he was under stress. Patrol techniques, hand to hand combat, weapon skills, and a handful of other useful traits that tended to lie hidden until he needed them.

alliterator85: And 'The Zeppo' was just a fluke?
Goji3: of course…despite being one of the core Xander episodes, Xander-philes like to ignore it to give him ‘powerz’. Also, it's hand-to-hand
alliterator85: Shouldn't it also be 'weapon skillz'?

The downside was the nightmares.

He hadn't told anyone, but the first couple months after that Halloween were like hell on earth. He could remember seeing firefights that killed hundreds, cowering in tunnels while Vietcong troops scoured the fields above him, holding countless friends and allies as they lay dying.

Goji3: So now he's got PTST and no one noticed? 1...2...3..."Poor Xander"
alliterator85: And here's where I ask if Larry ever had nightmares about being a pirate.
Goji3: I'd hope they'd be nightmares...if he liked the dreams, then I'd be bloody scared
alliterator85: "Arrghh! I'm Captain Jack Sparrow... and aren't ye a fitting lad?" (Pause) My Johnny Depp impersonation is terrible.

Even so, Xander thought as he silently approached the alley with his weapons in hand, it was a tradeoff that he was willing to accept. The nightmares were a heavy price to pay, but he'd pay more for less if it meant he could help Buffy.

Goji3: This explanatory scene was brought to you by "Powerz!Zander!", When normal Xander's won't fulfill your male-power fantasies, there's POWERZ!ZANDER!
alliterator85: The nightmares were a heavy price to pay, but he'd pay more for less if it meant he could help Buffy. Except he isn't helping Buffy. He's not even in Sunnydale.
Goji3: and if he had them since season 2, there is no evidence he used them for that purpose…did I mention the author was a little Misogynist?
alliterator85: Nope - but don't worry. We'll think of an appropriate end for this XanderStu.

[i***[/i]

At the entrance to the alley Xander could hear the sound of heavy fighting and he slowed his approach, flattened himself against the wall, and glanced quickly around the corner. His eyes widened at what he saw.

Goji3: I'm good
alliterator85: Alright.
Goji3: I'm good...just a little woosy from the Temporal/Spacial
distortion
alliterator85: Right - I should have announced it. There are just so many of them in here.

Down the alley three women were facing off against a dozen vampires and one very mean looking demon. Xander forced down a grin as on of them leapt up and spin kicked two vampires to the ground. His grin turned rapidly to a frown when the girl didn't follow up on her move, instead opting to engage another vampire further on.

They don't know what they're fighting.

Goji3: And here are the Charmed Ones, crossover #1
alliterator85: They don't know what they're fighting. A horrible Gary Stu? Bad characterization? The machinations of a misogynistic author?
Goji3: I think that's our job
alliterator85: Temporal/Spacial distortion!
Goji3: WAKAKAKAKA!

***

Phoebe was starting to sweat. She didn’t know what these things were, but they just kept coming back for more. Prue was tossing them right and left with her power, Piper was working on the vanquishing spell for the demon they had been hunting, and she was kicking ass if she did say so herself.

alliterator85: Except she just said the demons kept coming.
Goji3: Phoebe was starting to sweat. The man in me likes this image: but the kid in me is suicidal over how bad the fanfic is.

But this demon had minions. Some real stupid ones but they were strong and tough, and they bounced back faster then she could put them down.

Not good. Not good at all.

Goji3: Hey, is she reading this fic too?
alliterator85: It's a meta comment!

It was times like this that she cursed her power. Visions of the future. Right. Really Helpful when it comes to demons trying to kill my sisters.

She was focusing on her fifth opponent when she was hit from behind. Staggering slightly she turned around and saw one of the ones she had been sure wouldn’t bounce back, it’s fanged face only inches from her.

Goji3: Are the Charmed Ones good at hand-to-hand combat? I've never seen them to be that good...
alliterator85: Apparently, only Phoebe is since she has the lamest powers.
But I still can't believe she could hold her own against five vampires and a demon.
Goji3: so...somehow she's holding somewhere between 6 and 12 vampires by herself as the demon just stands their and watches? What's wrong with this picture?
alliterator85: Uhh... The demon has no arms! No wait... He's just dumb. And it could be the poor writing.
Goji3: Poor demon, victim of poor writing

Phoebe screamed involuntarily. Then she blinked.

alliterator85: I like it how Phoebe screamed involuntarily, as opposed to voluntarily.

The thing froze in its tracks and then vanished into dust, revealing a young man in a hideous Hawaiian shirt grinning lopsidedly at her.

"Ashes to ashes." He said, tossing a small object to her. "Put it through their hearts. Vampires react poorly to wooden stakes."

Goji3: Xander Harris: Marty-Stu and Action Hero!
alliterator85: He forgot to say 'Dust to dust'!That's would Ahnold would have said.
Goji3: I think it's about time we mention that Buffy and Charmed Mythology are Very, VERY different...
alliterator85: Of course. The Charmed Ones have inherent powers. (plus the Power of Three)
Goji3: All demon are evil, no moral ambiguity, "Witch Powers", the spell construction, the list goes on…oh, yes and the vampires are different
alliterator85: They had vampires on Charmed?
Goji3: Yeah, it was...after Prue, and after Buffy left the WB, so they mad a bad joke about vampires operating on a ‘totally different network’ than their demons.

Vampires? Phoebe wondered for a moment before shrugging it off, she'd seen weirder. And it wasn't a huge leap from Demons and Witches to Vampires. Hey. Wait a second... why is this guy wandering around equipped to fight vampires?

Goji3: Crap! Did they hear us?
alliterator85: No, we're disguised as random vamps. She's just talking about XanderStu. Excuse me, XanderStu, Action Hero!
Goji3: ACTION!ZANDER!
alliterator85: XanderMan!
Goji3: able to annoy intelligent readers in a single paragraph!

Again she shrugged off the unproductive thought and turned her attentions to the fight at hand. A quick thrust of the stake dusted another one of the things, and she had to admit that they certainly fit the mold for Vampires. More or less.

alliterator85: 'More or less'?
Goji3: Man, these vamps are pitiful, where did this demon get them? 'Don’s Discount Demonic Henchmen'?
alliterator85: He placed want ads.
Goji3: ah
alliterator85: DEMON LEADER SEEKS HENCHVAMPS
Goji3: NO EXPERIENCE NESESSARY.
alliterator85: Must be sufficiently stupid so they won't rebel.
Goji3: and wasn't there that little thing where demon's don't like having Vampire henchmen around in most cases?
alliterator85: Demons and vampires - like oil and water.

Slowly the tide began to turn as Phoebe and Xander waded into the attacking vamps, stakes in hand. Unfortunately the Demon who had assembled the vampires had other plans.

"I will see you all dead", his voice was unreal, low and macabre as it resonated through the alley. He conjured an energy ball in his hand, the blue lighting crackling and casting shadows through the alley.

alliterator85: I like how his voice is 'macabre.'
alliterator85: As Inigo said, "I don't think that word means what you think it means."
Goji3: then there's the blandness of the demon's line. How can you instill fear with a line like THAT?
alliterator85: Couldn't he crack a pun or something?

"Whoops," Xander saw the Demon lift its hand, "Incoming!"

The three sisters glanced around at the shout, each catching sight of the Demon’s energy blast. Prue screamed as the demon let it fly, "Piper! Now!"

Piper’s hands came up, freezing time and the ball of crackling energy a scant few feet from Xander and Phoebe.

alliterator85: Okay, now she starts freezing things! She couldn't have, I don't know, frozen the vamps?
Goji3: like...ages ago...jeez, both these groups have the tactical efficiency of Star Trek Red Shirts!
alliterator85: Unfortunately, they have longer lifespans.

"Ok, the spell is ready. Phoebe, Prue, get back here so we can cast it."

The three sisters gathered together, reciting the oddly rhyming spell as Phoebe threw the potion at the feet of the demon. A thick white mist rose from the splattered potion, enveloping the Demon and ripping him from the time freeze spell long enough to scream and vanish into the ground.

Goji3: "What a horrible adventure with that HAM demon"
alliterator85: I wonder what the spell sounded like.
alliterator85: "Stupid demon with macabre voice, Go back to Hell, you have no choice!"
Goji3: Yes...that's the one
alliterator85: Ham demon as in ham-fisted demon?
Goji3: Here, yes. True Ham Demons are actually very nasty suckers...made of ham and about 14 feet tall
alliterator85: I remember a funny supervillain parody with a supervillain who actually had a ham on his fist.

The sisters looked at each other, then back to the remaining creatures.

"Why didn’t they vanish too?" Piper asked.

Phoebe looked around and pointed at the guy who had helped her, "He said they were vampires. I guess that means that they aren’t tied to this demon."

"Great," Prue groaned, "Damned Demons are hiring help now."

alliterator85: "And they're importing them from Mexico."
Goji3: Korea. Those were cheap Korean Knock-off Vampires. like
Hobgoblins (cheap rip offs of "Gremlins") and Dementors (Economy-sized
Nazgul)

Phoebe grinned, hefting the wooden stake the guy had given her. "Guess we get our hands dirty."

Piper scowled at her, "We don’t have any stakes."

Prue moved over to the frozen guy in the Hawaiian shirt, "He’s got a bunch in his belt."

alliterator85: "Oops! Did I say IN his belt, I meant ON his belt. Stupid Freudian slip."

The remaining vampires were easily handled, being frozen in space and pretty much helpless. When the sisters had dispatched them, they turned back to the frozen guy.

"Well... what do we do about him?" Piper said, eyeing the gaudy shirt with distaste.

"I don't know... take him shopping?" Prue snickered.

alliterator85: What I want to know is why the heck they DIDN'T DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
Goji3: this stu must drain the intelligence from the canon characters around it
alliterator85: Can we kill it yet? Please?
Goji3: Elan hasn't appeared yet. Once she infects him completely, I think we can move in for the kill
alliterator85: Oh fine.
Goji3: thankfully, that's before Stargate SG-1 shows up and he gets Predator Armor

"He needs it," Phoebe grinned, "Let him loose, we’ll figure something out."

"We always do." Piper said as she waved her hands.

Goji3: Ok, why is their a temporal/spacial shift here?
alliterator85: I have no idea. But here it comes

Xander came out of the freeze lunging for the heart of a vampire who wasn’t there anymore. "What the!?" he managed to get out as he overbalanced, spun twice, and landed on his ass.

alliterator85: Wait, wait... he lunged foreword, then spun around twice?

On the ground, he opened his eyes in pain and saw three sets of feet standing a short distance away. Groaning, Xander let his eyes travel up the long legs, the cute... Ummm... not thinking about that now. Not thinking about that now.

alliterator85: Well, he was just "lunging."
Goji3: I love how we suddenly switch to Xander POV...then back to 3rd person

Finally he settled on the three faces looking back at him.

"Uhhh... What happened?"

The three sisters looked at each other uncomfortably, "Uh... the Muggers got scared off." Prue managed to keep a straight face.

Goji3: I forget now, were the charmed ones this bad at covering their tracks? Or is this more of the intelligence-drainage in action?
alliterator85: I don't know, but considering Xander is the one who told them about vampires, they should have figured out he knew.

Xander didn't.

First he snorted. Then a snicker broke free. And finally he was rolling on the ground in laughter, much to the ire of the eldest Halliwell.

"What's so funny?" Prue didn't notice the smothered laughter coming from her youngest sister.

"Was *that* the best you could come up with?" Xander managed to get out between breaths, "Come on, even I can tell that your witches. What type? Wiccan? Hecatian? Ummm.... those are the only two types I know..."

Goji3: Type?! TYPE!?
alliterator85: Huh? Hecatian? Is that a witch who worships Hecate?
Goji3: I suppose
alliterator85: Because Willow has called upon her, but never refers to herself at a Hecatian. Sounds like a Hiatian.
Goji3: I know in Charmed Witches can qualify as a non-human species, but never in the Buffyverse only Witches/Warloks and Wizards/Occultists. And Xander really shouldn't talk, remember his fun cover stories
alliterator85: Scavenger hunt. Which probably makes more sense than muggers.

"How..." Piper trailed off when she got an elbow from Prue.

"Oh please. I’m driving along, minding my own business when a vamp flies out of an alley and lands in my back seat. I dust him, then come over here and see three women taking on a demon and a dozen vamps... And the kicker is that they’re holding their own. What else could you be? Last time I checked Wonder Woman worked alone... Although I do see some similarities in fashion sense."

Goji3: unless they are currently wearing spandex or bathingsuits, Wonder Woman comparisons need not apply…hold on, I'm going to dwell on that image for a moment...ok, done
alliterator85: Maybe they are all wearing metal bustieres?
Goji3: that's gotta chaffe just a little, don't you think?
alliterator85: Heh.

Phoebe was laughing openly now, but Piper wasn’t amused. "Hey! You’re not one to talk about *our* fashion sense."

Xander chuckled, picking himself up off the ground, "Sorry. My bad."

"Alright then," Piper said, mollified.

alliterator85: Yes, it's his fault they were attacked by the Fashion Nazi.

Xander looked at Prue, "You were the one tossing the vamps around right?" He didn't wait for a response before he went on, "You're powerful. My best friend is wicca, and she can't manage much more then a pencil..."

alliterator85: "Except for that time at band camp with a flute..."

"You have friends who are witches?" Phoebe was interested now.

"Sure," Xander replied easily, "I've known a few... Only one is still around though." Xander finished the statement a little sadly.

Goji3: Aw, look, he's angsting!
alliterator85: Wait, Amy isn't dead. She's just a rat.
Goji3: I think he's talking about Jenny
alliterator85: Oh! I got it.
Goji3: and considering some of Xander's rather callous comments regarding that death, this just doesn’t make any sense
alliterator85: And she was a technopagan, not a witch.

"What happened?" Prue asked quietly.

"Life," Xander answered, "And death. It can be a tough world when you look beneath the surface."

The three witches could understand and agree with that.

Goji3: "I'm Xander, feel bad for me because my life is somewhat rough, even though I choose it to be so."
alliterator85: Poor, poor XanderStu. Let me put you out of your misery.
Goji3: Hold back, we need to stop Elan as well
alliterator85: Temporal/Spacial distortion!
Goji3: She might take another host if we ---argh!

***

Halliwell Manor: San Francisco, California

"You’ve been demon hunting since you were fifteen??" Phoebe was incredulous.

Xander shrugged, "Such is my life. Truth is, it beat the hell out of what I was doing before that."

Goji3: whoo--anyway, as I was saying, she might take another host if we kill Xander before she infects him.
alliterator85: Right.
alliterator85: So, kill the Suvian inhabiting Xander and this "Elan" Sue.
Goji3: I can't even recall the complexity that her name was
alliterator85: Her name reminds me of Flan.
Goji3: She's got all the halmarks of a Mary Sue: Great Power, Great Beauty...Green Hair
alliterator85: Green hair?
Goji3: Naturally green hair, she's from Atlantis...or some such crap. Now, she's stuck being Xander's phallus
alliterator85: I'm hoping that'll make sense when she appears. And that she appears in this story.
Goji3: she does, though I'm not sure if we actually see her human form or not. damn long badfic verses.
alliterator85: Anyway...I thought Xander was 16 when he met Buffy?
Goji3: He was, the author thinks everyone is a year younger than they actually were. He thinks Buffy was 14 when she was called
alliterator85: Put that down as one charge of continuity violation.
Goji3: indeed

The sisters looked at him in shock, "What in God’s name were you doing before??"

"Not a damned thing." Xander grinned.

Goji3: bum!

Piper looked at him oddly, "You mean you CHOSE to fight vampires and demons?"

"Yep."

"But why?" Piper couldn’t understand the choice. Demons always sought her out, trying to kill her and her sisters. She couldn’t fathom seeking them out.

Goji3: "because I'm better than you" Quote the Stu
alliterator85: Actually, he only helps the person who chose to fight vampires and demons. Actually fighting - very little. And usually he gets knocked on his ass.
Goji3: Arrogance is a trademark of this Stu, he brags about confronting Angelus in a later story (the stare down when Buffy was hospitalized)…with Buffy annoyingly within earshot.
alliterator85: How misogynistic.

“Why do you?"

"It’s a destiny thing."

"Ah..." Xander understood now. "I have a friend with that problem. The whole ‘Chosen One’ scenario. She doesn’t much like it either."

"So why do you do it?" Piper asked again.

"It’s a destiny thing."

"Ah..." Xander understood now. "I have a friend with that problem. The whole ‘Chosen One’ scenario. She doesn’t much like it either."

"So why do you do it?" Piper asked again.

alliterator85: "Because it attracts all the hot chicks, of course."
Goji3: "And I'm a thrill-seeking Psycho"

"Think about it, Piper." Xander said, his face serious. "Now that you know about the evil floating around out there, could you turn a blind eye? Could you leave someone to die?"

alliterator85: Which is ironic, considering that Xander only had one eye at the end of Season 7.
Goji3: In-deed

"Easy for you to say." Piper said sourly.

Xander smiled, "Maybe. But I can tell you this. I've been dealing with prophecies, destinies, and all sorts of mystical gibberish for three years now. And I have yet to see one shred of evidence to convince me that our lives are decided for us."

Goji3: How many has he encountered so far in three years?
alliterator85: One, I think - Buffy's death. Which happened.
Goji3: He did not know about the one involving Angel and Acathla?
alliterator85: For some reason, a Temporal/Spacial shift is ahead.
Goji3: and it's a short one

***

Xander decided to stay in town for a while, finding it refreshing to find others engaged in the ‘good fight’ as he and his friends were. The truth was, it was lonely sometimes, facing off against the darkness. And this was the first time he’d seen evidence that there were others holding back the dark.

It felt good.

Goji3: Read: I want to screw Pheobe
alliterator85: It felt good to have three hot chicks fighting, instead of just one. And another Temporal/Spacial distortion. How many are there?
Goji3: Too many. Shall we charge him with abuse theiroff?
alliterator85: Yep. One charge of abusing POV shift and seriously annoying a PPC agent.

***

A week later

"Is Xander coming over today?" Piper asked her sister, smiling slightly.

Phoebe grinned, then looked a little sad, "Yeah, but he’s leaving soon. He say’s he wants to get a little farther from Sunnydale then San Francisco before he goes back."

Goji3: It's funny because he goes across the Galaxy and…Wait...it's not...it's just hackneyed
alliterator85: I guess that incentive of slutty Phoebe wasn't enough for him.
Goji3: "My penis is too great for the likes of SluttyPheobe to handle!"

"You two going to keep in touch?"

"You bet!" This time Phoebe’s grin was wide and pure, "I finally taught him how to access a web-based email account I set up for him. All he has to do is get to a computer and ‘presto’, we’re in touch."

alliterator85: Willow? Who is this Willow of whom you speak? Surely she wouldn't have taught Xander, because she doesn't know what the freaking internet is.
Goji3: It's hard to believe he'd be friends with Willow and NOT have an E-mail account of some kind.
alliterator85: And he was also in Ms. Calender's computer class.

"That's good," Piper smiled, they all liked Xander... even if he was more then a little annoying at times.

Goji3: I'd say something, but it'd be far to easy
alliterator85: Aw... he's like a dog who always tries to hump your leg. (beat) Sigh... another T/S distortion.
Goji3: joy

Xander whistled as he hopped up the steps to the manor house, admiring the craftsmanship as he did. Don’t build ‘em like this anymore.

He stopped at the door and exchanged pleasantries with the Halliwell’s handyman, Leo.

Goji3: Hi Leo: Welcome to our hell
alliterator85: Sigh, another charge of continuity distortion. It appears this is Season 1 Charmed, since the Dolt is still using his old excuse for sticking around the Halliwells.
Goji3: well, not to late in Season One...the timelines are close...but not quite matching up

"Hey man, how's it coming along?"

"Hey, Xander," Leo answered as he leveled off the window sill he was working on,

"Pretty good. I've got a few more weeks before I'm anywhere near done with this place though."

"Old places like this need a lot of upkeep don't they?" Xander was genuinely curious, he enjoyed doing some simple carpentry at home.

Goji3: He even made a towel rack for Buffy that one time...oh, wait. he didn't
alliterator85: "Especially when you're hot for one of the sisters."

"Yeah," Leo smiled as he tapped the sill into place, "But they’re worth the extra effort. Heck of a lot nicer to be around then a pre-fab box."

Xander laughed, agreeing with the observation, and rang the door bell.

Goji3: Temporal/Spacial again!
alliterator85: I - arrgggh! Whyyyyyyy!

***

"Xander," Phoebe grinned, "Come on in. You're just in time for another lesson."

Xander groaned, "I managed to avoid computer lessons for years before I came here and you manage to sucker me into letting you teach me how to surf the web. How?"
Phoebe grinned at him and just walked away, leading him to the kitchen and her laptop.
Xander's eyes glazed over as he watched her hips sway, Oh yeah... now I remember.

alliterator85: I think XanderStu's just faking not knowing computers so he can get in the sack with Phoebe.
Goji3: sadly, it works
alliterator85: And another T/S distortion.
Goji3: I think we should page the Doctor...this can't be good for the time stream.

***

After the lesson, in which Xander learned more about web searching and email then he had ever wanted to know, Xander decided to push his luck a little.

"Hey Phoebe," Xander began timidly, "I was wondering... Would you like to go out to a movie or something?"

"Why Alexander," Phoebe grinned when he winced at the use of his full name, "Are you asking me out on a *date*?"

alliterator85: Did Xander even tell them his full name? Or did they just guess
Goji3: eh, they could have guessed it. Xander is a common nickname for Alexander...I heard it on the street once and got weirded out by it
alliterator85: Okay.
Goji3: Hell, in France, Xander is called "Alex"...but that's just the French
alliterator85: It's been a while since I turned on the French dubbing on School Hard.

Xander smirked at her tone, "Yeah, I suppose I am."

"I hope you have something better then that kaleidoscope to wear." She smirked herself as she nodded at his shirt.

Xander looked down, chagrined. "What's wrong with my shirt?"

alliterator85: "Besides the giant gaping hole where the Suvian entered?"
Goji3: better question: what's wrong with Pheobe? Is she always this...easy?
alliterator85: Actually... yes.
Goji3: in the words of John Stewart: “WHAAAA?!”
alliterator85: More so in the recent season, though. They wanted to make her character more "wild."
Goji3: When they have Rose McGowan on the show? Pfft!

Phoebe raised her hand and started to tick off her fingers, opening her mouth to start the list as Xander interrupted her.

"Rhetorical question."

Phoebe grinned, but lowered her hand. "So do you?"

"Yeah, I figure I can pull something of a single color out of my trunk."

Goji3: or ass. whichever
alliterator85: Damn. Another T/S. I'm putting down another charge of annoying a PPC agent.

***

It was a few hours later that Xander showed up at the manor house again, this time dressing in a loose forest green shirt and black pair of jeans.

Phoebe grinned at him when she answered the door, "Better, but you still need work."

Goji3: Does that outfit constitute a Fashion crime...considering I'm stuck in Grunge-wear, I really can't tell
alliterator85: I think we need Honorificus's fashion opinion.
Goji3: most likely
alliterator85: But we'll just have to do it without her.

"Har de har har. Real funny." Xander smiled, a little chagrined. He didn’t understand the whole deal with clothes, it was more important to be comfortable then anything else... or at least that’s what he had always believed.

alliterator85: Except she wasn't making a joke.

"Can we stop by Bucklands for a bit? Prue wanted me to bring some things by for her."

"No prob." Xander said easily, "What sort of stuff? Spell casting?"

"No." She laughed, "She forgot her lunch."

"Doh." Xander comically smacked his head as he held the car door open for Phoebe

Goji3: Ya see. When you say it's funny, it often isn't. Worse, he misspelled "Doh". It's "D'oh"
alliterator85: And yet another T/S distortion.
Goji3: zoom-zoom!
alliterator85: D'oh! Nuts.
Goji3: Mmmm Doughnuts....

***

Bucklands Auction House, San Francisco, California

Prue Halliwell was setting up a new auction when her sister and Xander came through the door.

"Hey, sis!" Phoebe grinned, holding up a brown paper bag as she moved forward.

Goji3: I think we're approaching the first glimps of Elan...
alliterator85: Yep...When does her physical body show up? Or is she always a magical phallus?
Goji3: In one of Xander's "dreams". He later turns DREAMING into a power
alliterator85: Jeezy creezy.
Goji3: FOOL! DREAMING IS IN THE REALM OF THE OLD ONES! WHOM IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR SUES TO SEE! (pause) Anyway, he later messes with the Matrix worse than the original creators did with the sequels
alliterator85: The Matrix?!?

Xander held back a bit, looking at the items on display in the room. Truthfully, he was a little surprised that no one stopped him from coming back this far. There were signs all over the place saying ‘employees only’.

I guess being a guest of the curator cuts a lot of red tape, Xander mused as he examined the various items gathering dust in the large room.

alliterator85: It's not a museum, it's an auction house.
Goji3: And does it really have that many magic Items for sale in it?
alliterator85: Well, sometimes a magical painting or magical -ahem- wand.
Goji3: Like the one we're about to encounter...

"Man, Giles would love this place." Xander whispers under his breath. He could see ancient pottery, urns, chalices, and other items that he could remember from Giles’ books and private collection.

Xander moved through the room, running his fingers lightly over some of the more dusty objects, and finally stopped at an odd item that was resting on a black velvet cushion. What is this?

Goji3: the Mary Sue counterpart
alliterator85: A wand of Mary Sueness!
Goji3: does it count as a Magical Mary Sue Item if it's a sentient former-person item, or as a Mary Sue
alliterator85: Hmmm... both, I think.
alliterator85: I think we'll have to destroy it and the Suvian inhabiting Xander.

It was a metal rod, a little less then a foot long and almost two inches in diameter. A perfect cylinder, one that seem to be generating it’s own light. Xander shook off that observation, Just a reflection... that’s all it was. Just a reflection.

Goji3: apparently, Xander's Mary-Sue Powers pale in comparison to Elan's
alliterator85: Can we drop it into the Cracks of Mount Doom? Or will it just survive?
Goji3: I doubt it, but we need to wait for the infestation to occur. Look:

"We done?" Xander asked as he walked up to the sisters.

"We're done." Phoebe said cheerfully as she grabbed his arm and led him out, "Let's go see that movie. Bye Prue!"

"Cya Phoebes."

Prue turned back to her work as the other two left. None of them noticed the faint glow return to the cylinder, a glow that slowly expanded until it encompassed the small artifact and then faded, taking the cylinder with it when it vanished.

alliterator85: "Cya"? "Cya"?! I hate it when people use netspeak in their fics. And I don't think anyone has ever called her "Phoebes".
Goji3: at least it isn't "LOL"
alliterator85: Phoebe and Phebes, but never Phoebes.
Goji3: What do we call Charmed Mini's?
alliterator85: Hmm.... mini-Coles?
Goji3: I think we'd better take it back for analysis...and for whenever a Charmed Fanfiction University get's started up...
alliterator85: I don't think there can be a Charmed Fanfic University - whatever fanfic writers can do, Charmed writers have already done.
Goji3: good point...guess we'll have to let it go. poor thing. So cute, I want to gooble it up…I think I will: CHOMP!
alliterator85: T/S distortion - and now where in the mind of a Mary Sue.
Goji3: I think we can skip the bull-dren mythology raping of this part
alliterator85: Skip on over to the canon rape of Angelus?
Goji3: Angelus? Where?

Xander and Phoebe, their arms looped behind each other’s backs, half staggered out of the theater, not because they were impaired but because they couldn’t stop laughing.

"I wish demons were like that."

Xander laughed, "Hey, I’ve actually *seen* demons like that."

"No!" Phoebe pushed off him, giggling at the joke.

"No kidding. I swear." Xander held his hands up in supplication, "We had this freaky vamp a while back who actually had *access* to the Slayer’s home and he just left her some gifts to play with her head."

alliterator85: Never mind that one of the "gifts" was the body of one of her friends.
Goji3: Oh, I was talking up until the last ramblings of the trapped Mary sue, then starting up again and don’t forget Willow's Fish. Those poor Fish
alliterator85: Yep... I doubt Xander would think of those as "gifts." Maybe Spike, but not Xander.

"You’ve got to be kidding me," Phoebe didn’t believe it, Demons weren’t that stupid. Were they?

"Nope," Xander grinned, "Dumb putz was a real sick SOB but he went out of his way to piss the Slayer off instead of just killing her."

"God," Phoebe laughed, and hit Xander in the shoulder.

Goji3: Harder! Hit him HARDER

"Ow!" Xander whined as he rubbed his shoulder, "What the hell was that for?"

alliterator85: That was for being an idiotic Marty Stu!
Goji3: among other things

"Ruining all my delusions about how smart Demons really were."

"Jeez... I guess I shouldn’t mention that there’s no Santa Clause then, right?"

alliterator85: Well, I guess he wouldn't know about child-disemboweling Santa this season.
Goji3: yep, he gets this one…damn it

Another smack sounded through the night air, followed by another whine.

"Ow!"

alliterator85: "If I knew there would be this much whine, I would have brought some cheese." (beat) Stupid joke.
Goji3: Oh look, Mary Sue's preaching again

All right, It mused to itself, He isn't the ideal host. But he is better then any I've seen since the fall.

It was observing the boy through the bond-link. Trying to map the boy's mind so it could gage the man-child's readiness. What it found was confusing. On one level the child was an innocent, barely 'awake' to the true depth of the world that surrounded him. Yet, on another, there was a warrior essence. As it dug deeper it ran into yet another layer, one so deeply intertwined with the boy's core that it almost mistook what it found for the man-child's very soul.

Dangerous. It considered the find carefully, the boy had no less than two separate spirits intertwined with his essence. It was a miracle that the child was still sane, the stress on the boy's psyche must have been immense.

alliterator85: It was like he was... an onion.
Goji3: Interesting...it's not suvian posession, it's a full Marty Stu here. No Exorsism here! Xander is Xander. the Hyena was exorcized and the Soldier is long gone
alliterator85: I was wondering when the Hyena would show up. I guess that's the reason why he so misogynistic.
Goji3: And no Fish man reference! The fish-man aspect always gets shafted! Poor Fish-men!
alliterator85: Xander's had so many chances to get powers on the show and they never did it. You know why - because Xander's not supposed to have powers! He's the everyman! The Zeppo!
Goji3: His power is the lack of power! He's Samwise Friggen Gamgee!
alliterator85: Perfect example.
Goji3: T/S Shift! Xander's Stu powers are about to clash with Elan's Sue powers!

***

Low Rent Motel, San Francisco, California

Xander woke up sweating, biting down an urge to scream in terror. God. It’s been months since I’ve had one of those dreams.

alliterator85: "Koalas in hats. I hate koalas in hats." Sorry, Joan of Arcadia in-joke.
Goji3: I was going to go for "Principle Skinner, Leeches and a 300 pound Mime" but that reference is even more obscure

Shaking off the sounds of gunfire and the screams of the dying he tossed the blankets off him, and pushed off the small bed, and looked around. The phrase ‘hole in the wall’ didn’t really cover the room he had gotten, but it was cheap and it was something between him and weather.

alliterator85: Because, of course, there's always tough weather in San Francisco.
Goji3: From what little I know about California, correct me if I'm wrong: the weather's either great or a Natural Disaster…so, walled rooms--not really a necessity
alliterator85: Yep.
Goji3: now if it was to keep him away from the bugs, then it would have the inverse effect now wouldn't it?

He just had this feeling that someone was in the room with him, and he couldn’t shake it. His eyes flitted around quickly, but saw nothing out of the ordinary, until they came to rest on the end table.

What the...? He stared at the table and could have sworn that for an instant he saw something glowing. A blink later and it was gone. Xander shook his head and laid back down, closing his eyes, and prayed that the dreams wouldn’t come back.

alliterator85: He isn't detecting our presence, is he?
Goji3: No, He's detecting the Mary Sue. It's a Test of Wills: Mary Sue vs. Marty Stu!
alliterator85: It's just the SuperPhallicMarySue.
Goji3: Winner Annoys All!
alliterator85: Temporal/Spacial distortion coming up!
Goji3: swish!

***

It shuddered. That was far too close for comfort. The boy should never have awakened, let alone been able to locate its position. It was beginning to see how the child had survived the events of his life. He had a strong spirit, one strong enough to make up for whatever other fault’s lay within. That coupled with the child’s remarkable tolerance to mystical energy fields made the issue of control a touchy one.

Perhaps the boy was not a suitable host after all.

alliterator85: Well, he was controlled by the spirit of a Hyena, so you do get a bargain price.
Goji3: Now watch, in good Buddy-cop fashion, they enter a symbiotic relationship
alliterator85: It's just like the Iron Giant! Except there's no giants and it's really bad.
Goji3: but the power-level is about right
alliterator85: And now a quick series of T/S distortions - can the author please stop doing them?

It was mid-morning before Xander woke up for the day, the daylight was streaming into the room and already making the place uncomfortably hot. He was sweating and uncomfortable, but just happy that it wasn’t the cold sweat of the night before.

Damn. What a nightmare. Xander tried to bring it back to mind, but all he could recall were the impressions it left. The lingering smell of sweat and cordite, and the rush of fear even though he couldn’t remember what he had been afraid of.

Slowly he shook it off, pulling some clothes from the floor he got dressed and figured that it was time for some breakfast. Or lunch. Whichever.

alliterator85: Meanwhile, Larry (who wasn't killed in Graduation) was thinking of the dream he had with Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp.
Goji3: And more quick warping

A drive through breakfast. Man, I love living in the age of fast food. Xander chortled as he scarfed down the egg and muffin sandwich, following it with a large shake and some hash browns.

Alliterator85: Correct me if I'm wrong, but if he chortled while eating, wouldn't he choke?
Goji3: <= Looking up word in dictionary
alliterator85: chor•tle ( P ) Pronunciation Key (chôrtl) n. A snorting, joyful laugh or chuckle
Goji3: Here's a better question: why is he Chortling?
alliterator85: "I'm such a Stu, it makes me laugh! Ha ha *choke*"
Goji3: if only we could be so lucky

It watched, disgustedly, as the boy crammed poison into his body. Times had changed far too much for it’s liking, far too much indeed.

alliterator85: Back in my day, we only ate bran - of course, we pooped a lot more.
Goji3: Why am I reminded of Gimili's speach about the comforts of a Dwarf Home in LotR "...Malt beer, and Red Meat of the Bone!"
alliterator85: Warning: another temporal/spacial distortion!
alliterator85: That's three is as many paragraphs!
Goji3: I'm slowly growing numb to these things...they're so common here
alliterator85: I know. How about we skip the T/S warnings from now on? Since they're so short, it's more like a small bump.
Goji3: lets, unless it gets really bad like that again...

Just as Xander approached the Manor house, the three sisters came rushing out like the devil himself was chasing them. Something, Xander supposed, that was entirely possible.

"I had a vision!" Phoebe yelled as she spotted Xander.

"Need a hand?"

Goji3: "Of course, we are meek women who need a man to protect us! Save us with your mighty Man-Thing!" (Note: I must prance while making that mockery)
alliterator85: No, she's had a vision of peace and prosperity! She wants to become the next President! (Beat) Okay that reminded to of the Man-Thing comic.

"Sure," Phoebe said, hopping over the door into the passenger seat of the convertible. "You guys coming?"

Piper and Prue looked undecided between Prue’s car and Xander’s, finally choosing the latter.

At least I won’t have to worry about some demon wrecking my car, Prue smirked as she jumped into the back
.
alliterator85: Sues shall burn at the Man-Thing's touch.

"Where too?" Xander asked as he pulled away from the curb.

"Warehouse district."

"Gee, imagine that." Xander shook his head, "Why is it always the warehouse district?"

"Low rent?" Prue hazarded a guess.

alliterator85: Maybe because the author is a hack?

"Lots of room, no prying eyes?" Piper tried.

Goji3: maybe because we angered some dark power
alliterator85: Badficca - the patron saint of badfic?
Goji3: Most likely

Phoebe looked over at Xander, who was smirking. "Nope, They’ve just watched to many bad movies."

Xander laughed as he turned the car toward the waterfront.

alliterator85: Hey, bad movies are better than this dreck!
Goji3: I'm a B-movie patron, and strangely, Warehouses aren't that common in the ones I've seen...now, Abandoned Factories On the other hand...
alliterator85: But, see, Btvs already used the Abandoned Factory cliché for its advantage. And now we come to the next crossover: Seven Days.

***

Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, California

"Ohhhh..." He moaned as he stumbled to the ground, his head spinning. "Christ. It never gets any easier."

He managed to straighten up and stagger toward the sound of traffic, finally finding someone out walking their dog.

"Hey buddy," he managed to rasp out. "Where am I?"

The man looks at the figure oddly, taking his smoking orange flight-suit, "Golden Gate Park."

"Cool." A grin cracked though his soot-covered face, "Right on target."

Goji3: I never watched that show, but does the story try and help those who haven't? No! Of course not! Not even a description of what the guy looks like!
alliterator85: For a minute there, though, I thought it was John Crichton.
Goji3: Thankfully, Farescape is safe from this Drek-verse
alliterator85: Thank god.

"So what are we after?" Xander tried to sound nonchalant as he drove, but failed miserably.

Phoebe smiled, "Big, nasty, demon. I saw him make some people really sick with a wave of his hands."

"So... in a word, yuck?"

Goji3: in several words: heavily done in Mythology. Back in the day, all diseases were demon-caused ailments
alliterator85: And what makes Xander think this demon is yucky?
Goji3: I even know of several species associated with the common cold
alliterator85: He's only told the power, not the appearance (besides nasty). Oh, are the Seven Dwarves demons?
Goji3: If this was the Buffyverse they would be

"Yeah, that about covers it." Phoebe lost her smile,

"You should probably stay back, Xander. We’re witches, we might be immune... or at least have a better chance at beating whatever this thing puts out."

Xander grimaced, "Sorry. I know you’re just trying to protect me and everything, but what I told Piper about not believing in being controlled by destiny works two ways. I may not be destined to fight the good fight, but I have a right to choose to fight. And I’ve made my choice."

alliterator85: "I get to choose and you don't - nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah"

"This the place?"

Phoebe looked at the warehouse across the road. "Yeah, this is it."

Prue leaned forward, "What time was it in your vision?"

"It was daylight, I think," Phoebe was concentrating, "Could be
anytime..."

alliterator85: "Well, anytime between 6 AM and 6 PM."
Goji3: unless there was a really bright explosion at night that turned night into day.... which would be very nifty to see
alliterator85: Or the sun was blotted out again.

"So we wait?" Piper asked.

"We wait," Prue confirmed
.
Goji3: Insert Jeopardy Music here

***

Three long hours of boredom later Xander spotted someone moving around the warehouse.

Hey, at least they feel the same way we do.

alliterator85: Bored and depressed.
Goji3: Narrative Law of Comedy at work?

“Hey," he nudged Phoebe, "Check it out."

The young witch looked up, her eyes scanning the building. "This could
be it. Piper... Piper."

"Huh?" Piper shook her head, blinking her eyes. "What?"

"Give me the detection spell we got from the Book of Shadows."

alliterator85: "Get it yourself, I'm trying to get some sleep."
Goji3: Um...we better get better disguises...::POOF!:: Fly on a Wall!

“Here."

Phoebe took the spell and components, mixing them carefully as she
uttered a quiet rhyme. "Reveal the source of illness foul, Open our eyes
and do it now."

Xander looked over at her, "What was that?"

"Hey, you try finding a proper rhyme to go with foul."

alliterator85: Cowl, dowel, bowel.
Goji3: "Oranges, Poranges! Who cares, there ain't no rhyme for Oranges! WHOO!"

(rest posted later)