StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Tim Jewett 05/21/01
Mordacy Sarcasm Theatre Four Thousand; Special Editions
Episode four: RANMA RAMPAGE!

In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blast the opening sequence with a buster gun)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?

(Satellite of Lust about seven to eight hours after the last segment)
Tim: I'm convinced. Zechs and Relena are nothing more than parallels to Char, or Casval, and Sayla, or Arteisia.
Graham: All right! We're convinced. We're Convinced! For the third time, WE'RE CONVINCED!
Tim: Good.
Ranma: Can I have a gundam?
Tim: If you're good, I'll give you one for Christmas.
Artlu: Well, that's more than enough of a reprive. I think I'll be siccing the fourth and final fic on you soon!
Ranma: Great, we got HIM hanging over our heads now...
Tim: Aww, just ignore him. He's like that all the time. Stress, I think. You know most of the world's problems would be solved if people would just forget the "sex before marriage is a nono" bullshit and just get down to buisiness?
Graham: THIS is a random topic...
Tim: Seriously! Stress is the single most factor of crime today, and sex basically washes away stress! Therefore more sex= less stress = reduced crime! I mean, the only two stress reduction methods that the general populace knows about are sex and fighting, and fighting's been banned most places. Hell, the banning of violence in schools is exactly the thing that lead up to violence in schools! If I'm ticked at someone, let me beat the crap out of him, instead of letting the resentment rise up and churn around inside for weeks on end.
Ranma: You'v got these things pretty damn mapped out.
Tim: I go to an all boy's boarding school right now. You expect me to have a social life?
Graham: He has a point.
(Klaxons wail)
All: MOVIE!

Door 7: It's the standard exterior door, with one little twist. It doesn't exist.
Door 6: It's repeated twice more. Not stopping to think what that means, you rush on.
Door 5: It's an open elevator shaft. You hop to the other side
Door 4: It's a church. You quietly make your way through, but let one rip as you exit.
Door 3: Three Busty Amazons no longer guard the way. You hear noises of them "having fun" through the door to the guard hut
Door 2: It's afraid of what's on the other side and reluctantly opens.
Door 1: The Switchblade wielding Mini-lop is missing. You can only assume what it might be doing, but you have a good guess that it has something to do with the Amazons.


>A Ranma ½ Fanfic

Tim: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the most unoriginal title EVER!


>By Sheep


Ranma: Baaaaaaad writer, BAAAAAAAD!


>THIS CRAZY ENTERTAINMENT STORY IS BY A RUMIKO
>TAKAHASHI


Ranma: You mean there's more than one?
All: (Singing) I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down


>" RANMA1\2 " FAN NAMED Sheep, Sheep


Graham: Does he live in the big city?
Tim: I'll bet HE'S the black sheep of the family...


>CAN GET SOME CRAZY CREATIVE IDEAS. SO FOR AY OF YOU
>PEOPLE WHO KNOW THIS STORY BY RUMIKO TAKAHASHI, SIT
>BACK AND BE PREPARED

Graham: To get our asses bored off yet again?

>TO BE READING SOMETHING STRANGE. OKAY, YOU MUST KNOW
>THE STORY SERIES QUITE WELL TO UNDERSTAND MY PUNS AND
>THE CHARACTERS OF THIS ENTERTAINMENT STORY.

Ranma: Shouldn't that be crazy entertainment story?
Tim: I'll give him the crazy...

>IF YOUR STILL AWAKE, LET'S BEGIN.......

All: ZZZZZZZzzzzzz....
Tim: No, you've just been screaming for the last three minutes and we're all off in dreamland. OF COURSE WE'RE AWAKE!

>It was just a fine spring day morning in Tokyo. Everything seemed quite
>fine ( or as it usually is ) in the Tendo Dojo.

Graham: Insulting our intelligence first thing is not a good way to get on our good side.

>Akane Tendo, the youngest of the Tendo siblings was inside the dojo
>practicing some of her karate martial arts techniques.

Ranma: As opposed to last night when she was practicing Marital arts techniques.
Tim: There's a series about that somewhere... Oh, yeah, Sakura archives!

>She wanted to somehow beat that annoying Shampoo before she can have
>Ranma all to herself.

Ranma: So Akane's got absolutely no trouble admitting her feelings for me in this universe?

>Despite her tomboy ego, Akane did have some hidden feelings for her so
>called " parental forced fiance " Ranma Saotome.

Graham: Is it just me, or does the phrase "Parental Forced" call up disturbing images for you too?

>It was a day like any other, Ranma stepping inside the dojo

Ranma: And making sure nobody was anywhere near the place so Akane and I could get down to buisiness.
Graham: THAT'S a day like any other?
Tim: If you combo it with the inevitable interruption, yes.

>and mocking Akane about her tomboyish exterior.

Graham: which was completely unlike her masochistic interior.

>RANMA: Hey Akane, whatcha doing?

Tim: I'm just thinking of how to get the hell OUT of this lame fanfic!

>AKANE: Oh, not of your business Ranma.

Ranma: Akane and I sounded perfectly in character there...
Graham: Hey, how much does it take to clean dripped sarcasm out of theatre seats?

>Don't you have anything better to do than standing beside me?

Tim: Stripping you naked and having sex several times, for one.

>I'm busy for crying out loud!

>RANMA: Oooo, I hit a nerve.

Ranma: And I hit the author. Can I borrow a mallet or two?

>Those practicing techniques won't do you any good. I've been training
>practically all my life. Infact, when I'm in my girl form, I could do
>a whole lot better than you and your thick legs can! ( LOL )

Graham: God, not more inter-speak!
Tim: Maybe it's a laugh track?

>AKANE: Oh shutup! Get out!!! Get out I said!!!!!

Ranma: Out! Out damn Spot!
Tim: Since when do you read Shakespeare?
Ranma: Um... since... Hey, when the hell DID I start reading Shakespeare?

>As Akane chased Ranma across the dojo ( as if that never happened
>before from his mockings ),

Graham: Yes, we all know Akane never loses HER temper.
Ranma: You were saying about dripping sarcasm, Graham?

>Shampoo burst through the wall while on her bike ( refer to some
>of those cartoon episodes, and you'll know what I mean ).

Ranma: Which ones?
Graham: I think THOSE ones, over there.
Tim: No, I think he means those, off to the left.
Ranma: Well, the sad thing is, that was easier to understand than this fic so far.

>SHAMPOO: Neehow!

Graham: The heck are ya?

>What you doing to my Ranma, Akane?

>AKANE: Oh, it's you Shampoo. Hey Ranma, your lover girl's here. Why
>don't the two of you go on a date or something, hmm?

Ranma: Wait, Akane has no trouble admitting her feelings for me, yet wants me to go on dates with Shampoo, WHAT THE HELL?
Tim: Has this writer been smoking.

>RANMA: Hey wait! I am not going out, you here me?! Besides, I got
>something better to do anyway.

>AKANE: Oh ho! Such as?

Tim: Stripping you naked and having sex several times, for one.

>RANMA: Such as.......such as......such as

Ranma: Somebody hit fanfic me, I'm skipping!
Graham: (Hits Ranma)
Ranma: I said FANFIC me! Do you want me shoving you into an air duct?

>going shopping, at the mall. Yes, that's it, at the mall!

Graham: Well, Ranma, nice way to stall!
Tim: Hope you can afford it all!

>AKANE: That doesn't even sound like you at all.

Ranma: Hey! I was about to say that! Why the heck is fanfic Akane stealing my lines?

>You rarely go to the mall anyway.

Graham: Yeah, he prefers 7-11's.
Tim: Or 36 double D's.
Ranma: I'm ready to shove the both of you into an air duct.
Tim: I'm just talking about Akane's... Upgrade in the OAV.
Ranma: Uh... okay, I can live with that.

>RANMA: Well, I'm going now. Let go Shampoo!

>SHAMPOO: Ai Lin! Don't go Ranma! Me coming too!

Ranma: Just what sort of special features does that bike of hers have?

>AKANE: Hoo boy....sigh.

Graham: Augh! Quantum Leap crossover!
Tim: Wouldn't it be more Quantum leap for Sam Beckett to have hopped into Ranma, though?
Ranma: Hoo boy.
Graham: That's not funny, Ranma.
Ranma: Who's Ranma? My Name's Sam Beckett. And why the hell are you talking, bunny?
Graham: Tim, help me here...
Ranma: And a woman named Tim? What the hell has this body been smoking?
Tim: That's MORE than enough of that Ranma.
Ranma: Oh... Alright.

>Yes, unfortunally for Ranma, Shampoo did follow him. Ranma always
>worried since Shampoo also had Jusinkyo curse upon herself.

Ranma: Hey! This story was written by Shampoo!
Graham: Jusinkyo?
Tim: Well, Mousse does have everything, include the kitchen Jusinkyo, maybe Shampoo just stole his!

>As you probably have known before, Shampoo changes into a cat with
>a splash of cold water.

Tim: So, if I were to throw my cup against the wall, Shampoo would change?

>Ranma changes into a female. However, Ranma is terribly afraid of cats,
>namely the one Shampoo changes into. If you recall, once Ranma's cat
>fear reaches it's climax, he acts like a cat himself.

Ranma: And believe me, cleaning youself with your own tongue is NOT fun.

>Okay, as to what's happening,

Graham: We have no idea.

>Ranma did get stopped in the street. It was Tatewaki Kuno,

Ranma: And he's NOT travelling through the upper stratoshpere yet?

>the kendo stick swinging,

Graham: He's a swinger baby, yeah!

>poetic maniac

All: (singing) He's a maniac, maniac, that's for sure! And he's spouting like he's never spouted before!
Graham: Wait, were we just singing about The Author or Kuno?
Tim: Um.... Good question...

>and a guy who has a major crush on Ranma's female cursed side, locked
>any means for the two to continue on their destination.

Ranma: Hmm... There's Kuno in front of me, about ten feet of street, and the houses on either side in which I could use to bypass him. Nope, there's no way for me to continue!

>Of course, since Kuno still from this day hates Ranma, he doesn't know
>that he's actually hating his girl side as well.

Tim: It's the martial artist you love to hate!

>KUNO: If it isn't Ranma Saotome of the Saotome school. I Tatewaki Kuno
>challenge you to a duel Ranma! Prepare to defend yourself you cursed fool!

Graham: What? No talk about his heriarchy, his skill, the vengeance of heaven? And what about calling himself the Blue Thunder?
Ranma: And look! He's finally realized I'm cursed, after seeing me change about four or five hundred times...

>RANMA: Hey, what did I do this time?!

Ranma: Kuno needs a reason to fight me?
Tim: (Kuno) Um... That is to say... Oh, nevermind!

>KUNO: Shutup and fight!

Graham: MORTAL KOMBAT!
Tim: FINISH THIS!

>Whoosh!

Graham: SOUNDALITY!!
Tim: This sound NOT brought to you by Bignoise Inc., the makers of EEP! and GACK!

>Thanks to his quick reflexes, Ranma dodged Kuno's stick attack just
>before it whacked him in the cheek.

Ranma: YAOI LEMON! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tim: Ranma's about to go berserker and learn the Toranoken... I suggest we make haste for the bunker.
Graham: If you as Toranoken is any indication, we're doomed anyways!
Ranma: I'm okay, guys. I just ripped the screen wall down and exposed us to the vacuum of space.
Tim: Oh, if THAT'S all...

>Shampoo disappointed very badly stormed off away, sobbing.

Ranma: Shampoo IS writing this story!

>Meanwhile, Kuno kept swinging that annoying stick.

Graham: It seems like someone's beaten Kuno with an annoying stick.
Ranma: Author too.

>Just then, Ranma took a big leap ( the kind he does sometimes )

Tim: of faith?
Graham: of senses?
Tim: That's LEAVE of senses, but you're not too far off the mark, there.

>and landed on a nearby roof.

Tim: It's Ranma on the roof!
Graham: Ranma with a Jewish accent... that I gotta see.
Ranma: (Jewish accent) You were expecting maybe Ryouga?

>He pranced off with Kuno swearing and in hot pursuit.

Ranma: So I'm the lord of the dance now, am I?
Tim: And Kuno's a Prima balerina.

>With his damn bad luck he always had,

Graham: He got stuck in this fic.

>Ranma was splashed with water. By whom? A nearby sprinkler.

Tim: So somebody's watering their roof? Only in a Rumicworld...

>He automatically changed into his girl form ( a Jusinkyo curse ).

Ranma: Wow, I'm cursed! I had no idea!
Graham: You know, I doubt anyone who's actually seen the show or read the manga would need to know that.
Tim: And anyone who didn't know wouldn't be reading this.

>Well, Kuno did catch up with him ( or her ).

Ranma: Pick a gender and stick with it!
Graham: The same can be said to you, Ranma...
Ranma: You want to be shoved into an air duct, don't you?

>He flushed beat red with love.

Ranma: Anyone comments and they get shoved into an air duct.
Graham: EEP!

>Ranma was trying to dry himself and forgot he was in his female form.

Tim: Yeah, Ranma always forgets he has something to get off his chest.
Ranma: "in HIS female form?" That just sounds WRONG.

>He had his shirt down so from the waist up, it was bare.

Graham: No, he had his shirt off and he was naked from the waist down...
Ranma: Air duct, rabbit boy…

>A small trinklet of blood came down Kuno's nose,

Tim: (singing) A trinklet, a trasket, Kuno's winding up in a casket.

>while he stood blushing, totally aroused.

Ranma: So Kuno had two bokken at the time?

>KUNO: Ooo, my pigtailed goddess! What a bless to see you like this!

Graham: A-CHOO!
Tim: Blessing you.

>Ranma flushed, but he quickly looked where Kuno was staring at.
>Ranma was totally devastated and angry.

Ranma: Oh no, I've been seen without my shirt on, what will everyone think? Wait, what the hell am I doing? I'm standing here shirtless instead of knocking Kuno to Jusenkyo!

>RANMA: AAAAAAAAGGGH!!!!!! YOU PERVERT!!!

Ranma: And now I'm stealing Akane's lines!

>Before Ranma could slap him, Kuno caught his girlie arms

Graham: Which are about as strong as Kuno anyways...

>and stood there, embraced Ranma in his scular( okay, too dramatic ) arms.

Tim: Mayhaps ye mean muscular?
Graham: Seriously though, what's keeping Kuno from being classified as a UFO?
Ranma: I'm too revolted at being in this fic to take any action?

>Staring at him, Ranma began to shout somemore,

All: SOMEMORE, SOMEMORE, SOMEMORE!

>but Kuno gently put a finger to Ranma's lips, silenting her.

Ranma: *CHOMP!* Hey, Kuno, yer finger needs Soy sauce! Seeya sucker!

>KUNO: Hush my love. Now's not the time to speak.

Tim: Now is the time to kick some Kuno ass.

>For you and I shall date.

Ranma: Unless you got a surefire cure for my curse, Mr. Tendo has a better chance of getting a date with me than you do!

>RANMA: WHAT?! You gotta be joking! Do you want me to lose my
>lunch?!

Tim: Yeah, we pay good money to cater the satellite!

>Let go of me you fool!!

Graham: In the Ranma world, the word "fool" just isn't specific enough.

>But Kuno, who had been countlessly rejected by Ranma's female form
>before, never gave up. He expected this struggle, but he still held on.

Graham: To his Sanity?
Ranma: Speaking of impossible things...

>KUNO: You will be mine, today you shall...

Graham: Wash that man right outta your hair?
Ranma: Get a professional haircut for the first time in ten years?
Tim: Get extremely pissed, kill several people, learn an improbable new technique and castrate somebody?

>Kuno ( surprisinly, he never thought of this before,

Graham: Considering Kuno's brainpower, I'm NOT surprised.

>nor did Rumiko when she wrote her scripts ),

Ranma: No, Kuno's bonked me on the head plenty of times. It's just that usually, it doesn't work.
Tim: And it was a Manga. Rumiko never wrote a script for Ranma, to my knowledge. At most she just translated them over to Anime format.

>bumped Ranma on the head with his stick,

All: EWWWWW.

>hencing knocking him unconcious.

Tim: Hencing- verb- the act of writing stupid and non-credible stories

>While Ranma fainted, Kuno carried his beloved ( now, don't you throw up )
>to his own house.

All: TOO LATE!

>Inside Kuno's house, Ranma was layed upon Kuno's bed.

Graham: Foreplay doesn't exist in THIS writer's universe, either...

>The lights were dimmed. Kuno was breathing hard,

Ranma: and calling the Tendo home, in the hopes that Akane might be there.

>he knew what he was about to do. Yes, you guessed it.

Tim: SELL RANMA INSURANCE? GOOD LORD NO!

>KUNO: Oh my pigtailed goddess, please forgive me for what I'm about to do.

Graham: Wouldn't defiling a goddess call down the wrath of heaven on Kuno?
Tim: No, but the SOL has some pretty amazing weaponry... and I THINK I can target the Kuno compound from here...

>Kuno gently stripped Ranma's clothes off. A small trinklet of blood once
>again came down Kuno's nose.

Ranma: So it's coming out of his eyes?

>Ranma's breasts were nice and juicy as ever he thought.

Graham: So he's eating them?
Tim: Hannibal Kuno, in, the Silence of the lambs.
Ranma: If Sheep is included, I'm all for silencing lambs.

>Boy, this was never thought of by anyone.

All: (Laugh their asses off)
Graham: Your naivete is amusing, you fic writing farm animal!
Tim: Sakura Lemon Archive. Nuff said.

>First time Ranma ever layed down his guard and sunk so low ( wait til
>he finds out what happens next. Mind you, he is in his girl form).

Ranma: Wait. Wait. Wait! I'VE sunk so low? Kuno's raping me and I'VE sunk so low?
Graham: Really now? I thought Kuno was about to fuck MALE Ranma...
Tim: Yaoi... KILL!!!

>Kuno stripped off his clothes and went into the covers.

Graham: So he's inside the cover? Or is this an undercover operation?
Tim: It's a blanket coverup!
Ranma: Oh, none of that sheet.

>Then as the lights were turned off,

Ranma: Ranma woke up and vivisected Kuno. The end.
Tim: And there was much rejoicing
All: Yay...

>he and Ranma in his girl form,

Ranma: I'd hate to see this happening to my guy form!
Tim: (Eye twitching) Yaoi... DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!

>believe it or not, made love.

Graham: Call Ripley's!
Ranma: I choose not!
Tim: (singing) Feel like throwing up! And I was right, he is selling her insurance!
Graham: Huh? He's raping her!
Tim: Insurance, rape, same thing, remember?

>When Ranma awoke two hours later, he was dazed.

Tim: These are the daze of our lives.

>RANMA: Huh......where am I? Wha? I'm in bed?

Graham: No, you're in Oz. Of course you're in bed!

>Ranma did feel someone next to him in the bed.

Ranma: P-chan? Get the hell out of here, Ryouga!

>He pulled down the covers, and there, horrifying ( even for himher )
>was Kuno, naked!

Tim: Hey it'd scare the pants offa me.

>Ranma couldn't believe it, he felt like dying. If Akane or anyone who knew
>about his curse, found out, he would certanly be called a " fagot ".

Graham: Faggot, for being raped. RIIIIGHT.
Tim: No, not faggot, fagot!

>Ranma was too horrified to scream.

Ranma: So she just ripped Kuno's heart out instead.

>He touched his breast, they were there alright.

Tim: I can only wonder what might've happened if Kuno had decided to give Ranma-chan a warm bath first...
Graham: HE touched HIS breast?

>Finally, he recalled the memory of what happened.

Ranma: Okay, NOW I can scream. AAAAAAAAAHHH!

>He was embraced in Kuno's arms, then he felt a sudden pain in his head,

Tim: Hold it. If Kuno was restraining Ranma with both arms, how'd he smack her over the head with his stick?
Ranma: (shudders) I don't want to think about that.

>all went black.

Tim: And men with small dicks rejoiced.
Graham: You've used that before
Tim: I know, but it was too damn good to pass up!

>Then, he awoke in this strange room with Kuno, naked beside him while
>he was still in his female form!

Graham: Thank you, I didn't know that!

>He knew the worst was yet to come.

Ranma: Um... a little off there, buddy.

>RANMA: Kuno?! Kuno, wake up!!

Tim: SO I CAN KILL YOU WHILE YOU'RE AWAKE YOU RAPING SON OF A BITCH!

>Kuno slowly awakened. He smiled warmly and touched Ranma's cheek.

Ranma: Good, he's awake. Now, should I show him his kidney or his spleen first?

>KUNO: Oh my pigtailed goddess, you were so sweet, ever so sweet.

Tim: I ain't touching that one.

>I never imagined this will ever happen.

Graham: Then he must not have very much of an imagination...

>Will you marry me my love?

Ranma: Burn In Hell.
Tim: And now we bring you the TRUE version of "Ranma Kills."

>Ranma couldn't bare it,

Graham: But she's buck naked already!

>he ran to a room, it was luckly the washroom. He then locked the door
>and lost his lunch in the toilet.

Tim: I would too after seeing Kuno naked.

>As he got up, he looked at himself in the mirror. He was in his girl form
>alright, no doubt about that.

Graham: We've ESTABLISHED THAT, Sheep!

>Kuno was already changed when he came back into the room. He looked
>worried as he stared at Ranma.

Tim: Since Ranma's eyes were now glowing an icy blue color, and his aura was making the walls and cieling start to crack. He cupped his hands at Kuno and then Kuno flew through fifteen walls, out into the street, and into an open manhole.
Graham: Then the gators got him.

>RANMA: Yes, happy now? I lost my lunch because of you.

Ranma: Among other things.
Tim: Um... Ranma, your eyes are glowing an icy blue and the walls are started to crack...

>Kuno pointed at Ranma.

Graham: J'accuse!

>KUNO: You do know what happened to you while you were passed out,
>do you?

Ranma: Of course I don't idiot! I was unconcious!

>RANMA: I dare not even think about it. What?

Graham: Being raped has improved your grammar immensely Ranma.

>KUNO: I made love to you.

Tim: "Made Love" being a euphamism for "raped you while you were unconcious after knocking you out with my stick".

>Those words totally felt like the end of the world for Ranma.

Ranma: Speaking of the "end of the world" Can I borrow Ragnarok and go after this Sheep guy?

>He was more than devastated.

Graham: He was depressed enough to pull off a FULL Shishi houkoudan!

>And all he did was kneel down and cry.

Ranma: WHAT? KUNO JUST RAPED ME AND I HAVEN'T RIPPED HIM TO SHREDS? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH FANFIC ME?

>A week later,

Tim: Tatewaki Kuno's body was found ripped to shreds near Okayama. Forensics report the scars on his body to be smiliar to cat scratches, only on a much larger scale.

>it was the second part of Ranma's worst nightmare.

Ranma: STILL being stuck in this fic?

>He just came back from the doctor, while in his female form. Ranma,
>as in his female form believe it or not was pregnant.

Graham: So Ranma's gone a week without changing back? BULLSHIT!
Ranma: Even when I was cat tongued, I still tried to change back a few times...
Tim: And like Ranma wouldn't have changed back IMMEDIATELY after getting raped. Then not only would he have not had to worry about getting pregnant, he would rip Kuno to bits for "defiling the pigtailed girl"

>He was, or at least, in his girl form of course.

Tim: Hold on a minute... I need a while to tally the errors and times he's mentioned the girl form so far... And I've just exceeded the tally marker's maximum!

>Ranma had to break the news. But he was too scared. Ryoga Hibiki
>walked in the room.

Tim: Into.

>Ranma was seated on the floor in the dojo. Ryoga was curious.

Graham: So, instead of Curious George, we have Curious P-chan?

>RYOGA: Hey, Ranma, what's up? Why haven't you changed back to
>your normal male form?

Ranma: Because I'm acting ridiculously OOC!

>RANMA: I suppose it won't do any good in hiding a secret, especially
>one devastating like this one.

Graham: Umm... WHAT?

>You see Ryoga, I can't change back. And the reason is.........the reason is.......

Ranma: Fanfic me’s skipping again! Smack ‘er!
Graham: Okay! (smacks Ranma)
Ranma: That’s it! I warned you plenty of times! (shoves Graham into the air duct)

>Ranma seemed to drift away.

>As you probably might have known, Ryoga is the boy who is madly in
>love with Akane.

Ranma: REALLY? I had no idea!

>He has a terrible bad case of wrong direction,

Ranma: Wow, another thing I didn't know about Ryouga!
Tim: And we're knee deep in sarcasm here, folks.

>always wears that stupid yellow black spotted bandanna on his head

Tim: Sure, insult Ryouga's directional sense, THEN his fashion sense. SEE how long it takes for him to shishi houkoudan your house down.

>and his cursed form from Jusinkyo is changing into that baby
>black piglet.

Ranma: Wow, I've been calling him P-chan all this time and I had no IDEA he was cursed! Thanks for clearing that right up!

>RANMA: You remember Kuno, don't you? That moron with the stick?

Tim: Ryouga's bad with direction, not memory.

>Well, it all started a week ago. Kuno, wanted to have a duel match
>with me.

Graham: Ummm, Sheep? What the hell are you talking about?
Ranma: What was-
Graham: I don’t wanna get lost in the air duct, and if I come out you’ll probably just shove me back in. I found a pair of X-ray glasses I lost last week, so I can see the fic from here. I’ll stay up here MST while I explore some of the closer ducts.

>I tried to avoid him but with not much success,

Tim: But from the story he doth digress.

>a nearby water sprinler
>changed me into my female form, as you see now.

Ranma: Thank you for reminding us for the FIFTY MILLIONTH TIME that I'm in my cursed form!

>Kuno embraced me in his arms and knocked me out with his stick.

All: (shudder) THAT SOUNDED WRONG!

>I awoke in his house.....

>RYOGA: Woah, woah, woah.

Tim: (Singing) What's new, pussycat, whoa, whoa, who-oa...

>Back up, you, the Ranma Soatome let your guard down? Y'know, this
>doesn't even sound like you at all Ranma!

Ranma: Well no DUH! I'm acting horribly OOC Ryouga! Can't you see that!

>And, you awoke in his house?!

Graham: This Recap Theatre, with your Host, Ryouga Hibiki!

>RANMA: I woulnd't be so surprised now, Ryoga.

Tim: I woulnd!

>Believe me, I'll tell you the worst.

Ranma: Y'see, I'm still stuck in this fic. Now ain't that the worst?

>You see, what was totally out of anything in anyone's mind,

Graham: Had that sentence made any sense, I'm sure it might possibly kinda be impressive.
Tim: might possibly kinda, Graham?
Graham: I'm being nice, so sue me.

>I found myself naked and in the same bed as Kuno. He was naked too!

Ranma: This is more redundant than those Rheafics!
Tim: Are you so sure?
Ranma: Okay, ABOUT as redundant as the Rheafics.

>Ryoga was nearly thrown off backwards.

Tim: Yes, the dojo had suddenly become a giant sized tilt and tumble board, with Ranma and Ryouga as game pieces.

>He couldn't believe it.

Graham: You want the truth, you can't handle the truth!

>He, with his moth gaping open,

Ranma: So Ryouga's turning into a largemouth bass?

>couldn't control himself as great heaps of laughter over took him.

Tim: So Ranma kicked him the balls to get him to stop laughing.

>Ranma glared at him.
>RANMA: I'm not joking you jackass!

Ranma: Just kidding. Got ya there, didn't I?

>I even lost my lunch in Kuno's toilet.

Tim: (Ryouga) Hey, was mine in there? I lost my lunchbox somewhere too and All I can remember about the place was that it was really white.

>Now, what really got me was Kuno said that while aI was passed out,
>he deliberatly.......y'know........warm love.......

Graham: If fucking an unconcious woman is WARM love, then I don't WANNA know what cold love is.
Tim: It probably involves Necropheliacs, though...
Graham: I said I didn't want to know.
Tim: Bite me, rabbit boy.
Graham: What was that, girly man?
Ranma: HEY! Your hatred for the fic is making you hate each other. Now keep directing the hatred where it belongs, THE FIC!

>Ryoga buried his head in his hands, he was totally shocked.

Ranma: As Lum had just missed hitting Ataru Morobishi again...

>RYOGA: No, this cannot be true! Ranma, this can never happen to you!

Tim: You can't be stuck in this lousy fanfic!

>I known you for a very long time, whatever happens to you, you always
>come out okay. You save yourself.

Graham: A good deal of money.

>But this, this has to be April Fool's Day. But it's only May the 5th!
>Ranma, is this true?

Tim: Um... Fragmented sentence much? and shouldn't, or rather shoulnd't, that be "but it's May 5th?" intead of "only May the 5th?"

>RANMA: I'm pregnant

Graham: Hey! I asked you a question Ranma! Don't try and change the subject!

>RYOGA: Wha? WHAT?!?! HOW?!??!!!!

Tim: Not even gonna do the utterly asshole "simple" shtik. Show how disgusted this fic makes me?

>RANMA: It's only in my girl form, okay?!

Ranma: I'd be disturbed as fuck if it was in my guy form too.
Tim: Childhood's end. A fic I've been wanting to snag in it's entirety for a while now has you pregnant in guy form too. Author got biology, chronology, and plenty things about the series wrong, too.

>Kuno made love to me in my girl form and now I'm pregnant. These
>things can happen! Even with a curse, it could happen!

Graham: ESPECIALLY with a stoned author it can happen!

>RYOGA: ( LOL )

>Looks like you and Akane are now in " splitz ville ".

Tim: Which is three miles northeast of E-ville. Hehe (Zoe) "Gwynn, that book is EVIL!"
Graham: (Gwynn) No it's not, it's E-ville. It's like a town or something.

>Well Ranma, to tell you the truth, I think you make a pretty good mother,
>stay being a girl. It suits you, lol!!!!

Ranma: Who the hell is Lol?
Tim: Maybe it's one of Lum's friends. They have wierd enough names.

>Ryoga mockinly walked away,

Graham: To kill a mockinbird...
Ranma: Or, preferably, a piglet.

>over taken with laughter.

>Ranma was crushed.

Ranma: Let me get this straight. Akane has no trouble admitting her love for me, yet wants me to date Shampoo?
Tim: Check.
Ranma: I'm even worse than usual about telling Shampoo to bug off, and am reluctant to fight Kuno?
Tim: Check.
Ranma: Kuno is even more hormone stuffed than usual and is knocking me out with a single blow?
Tim: Check.
Ranma: Then he rapes me, I get pregnant, am crushed, and don't do a damn thing about it?
Tim: Credit card.
Ranma: What the hell is this author... what the hell? Credit card?
Tim: I hadda break the monotony SOMEWHERE!

>The Tendo family found out the news as well.

Graham: For fifteen bucks a person.

>Akane was so devastated by the news, she ran into her room and locked
>it up tight, refusing any pleads of her coming out.

Ranma: Okay... Even MORE OOC. Akane's not going to rip Kuno's head off for what he's done?

>Genma, Ranma's father

Tim: I did not know that! I mean with names THAT similiar, there's no WAY they could be related!

>was furious. He and Mr. Tendo ( Akane's father ) both threw Ranma out.

Graham: No, he's got the same last name as her and he's just a bum they picked off the street.

>He had been banished from the Tendo house and even out from his
>own family.

Tim: It's the latest game all the baptists are playing, called BLAME THE VICTIM!
Graham: People would do that to people for being raped and having an unwanted pregnancy?
Tim: It's called a hypocricy of christianity. I'll tell you more later.

>This was surely Ranma's worst defeat. He had lost his virginity, he had
>lost his true boy form and now he was preganat in his cursed girl form.

Ranma: Wait? I'm stuck as a girl? What the? Wouldn't I even TRY and get rid of the baby, or change back?

>All seemed like an end.

All: (cheer)
Tim: Oh, wait, "AN END", not "THE END"
Ranma: Damn.

>It was a storm that night.

Graham: The calm is past.
Tim: And the string of the bag of patience is frayed...

>Ranma's clothes were damped and he was stuck in his female form.

All: NO FUCKING DUH!

>Shivering from the cold, he sat in a corner of the alley. Ranma was too
>afraid to see himself.

Ranma: If it means another repitition of my female form, I CAN SEE WHY!

>He even didn't know that he had fallen asleep.

Tim: Well, he already is in the nightmare that is this fic.

>Awaken the the next morning, Ranma found himself in a cave.

All: HUH???

>Ryoga was beside him.

Graham: Oh, great, first Kuno, now Ryouga. Who's next? Mousse? Gosunkugi? HAPPOSAI?

>RYOGA: Hey, Ranma, you wake?

Ranma: No, die.

>Good. I have some news for you.

Graham: The Nerima headliner?

>Actually, it will probably pain you more.

Tim: Not as much as this will you! Castration RIP!

>Akane and I are engaged.

Tim: Ranma's gone a single day and already Akane's got a new engagement!
Ranma: Wait! They'd kick my pop out too! The only reason he's still at the Tendou's is cuz I'M there!

>That's right, since I was the only man for her,

Ranma: Sure thing, P-chan... Tell me how you like the taste of bacon...

>it was brought down that we be wed.

Graham: I'm gonna bring you DOWN, Hibiki!

>Oh, and your father, Genma,

Tim: What? I thought Vader was Ranma's father!
Graham: Think How Luke would take it if he found out his pop was actually Genma...

>he wants to adopt me, after losing his son Ranma forever!

Graham: Why not just marry Ryouga off to his daughter, Ranma? I mean hell, we've destroyed just about EVERYTHING ELSE Rumiko Takahashi wrote, why not this?

>Ranma was too sad to even speak. Tears poured down his hot flushed face.

Ranma: Think Sheep has a thing for my girl form?

>RANMA: Just leave me alone......I don't even know if I'm actually a boy.

Tim: I want to be a real boy!

>Probably I never will be again. I cannot change back, it'll be gross.

Graham: No more sickening than this fic...
Tim: Here's a suggestion. GET AN ABORTION. How you ask? Normal way, Kick in the stomach, coathanger up the kootch, day after abortion pills, change back into a guy, etc., etc....
Ranma: WAIT A SECOND! I'm gonna trade my maleness for the life of a rape produced child? WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD WAS THIS WRITER SMOKING?
Tim: Same thing the Writer of "Childhood's end" was, I'll bet.

>RYOGA: Let's face it, we both have a curse.

Ranma: Hey. Another thing. If my life is SHIT, and Ryouga's gonna get Akane, wouldn't I head right back to the dojo and tell Akane pig-boy's secret?
Graham: Honor?
Ranma: Like you said, why not destroy more of Rumiko’s work?
Graham: Good point… Hey, cool! There’s a switchblade spork up here!

>But here this Ranma,

Tim: What, what's that? I'm afraid I've gone deaf and cannot "here" you Ryouga.

>yours is more permanent, if you get my meaning!

Graham: And his more numerous, embarasing, and quite potentially lethal
Tim: If Akane finds out, that is.

>Whatcha goin to do about bathing yourself now?

Ranma: Two words: HOT SHOWER.
Tim: Two more: INSTANT ABORTION.

>RANMA: I don't know if I'll take a shower again.

Graham: Yeah, I think I'll just stick to baths.

>This can't be happening, it just can't.

Tim: Unfortunately, it is.

>The months went by.

Graham: The fic dragged on
Tim: The plot got worse
Ranma: And everybody became ridiculously OOC.
Tim: Estimatated Running Tim of Fanfic: Late Second Trimester

>Ranma was now a beggar,

Tim: Yer tellin me, that with Ranma's ridiulous martial arts skills, he didn't become some sort of bodyguard, thief, or ANYTHING? He just BEGGED? You don't know Ranma much, do you?

>he ( or she ) was a very dirty person.

Graham: People tend to become that way after not bathing in a few months.
Tim: Estimated Running Time of Fanfic: TOO DAMN LONG!

>Kuno thought he saw Ranma, clothes torn and sitting in the alley, but
>denied the seen.

Ranma: KUNO GOES SCOT FREE? WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?

>He didn't think it was Ranma. It was uncomfortable for Ranma to get by.
>He was big and sad.

>Shampoo grew quite worried for her so called "Beloved " Ranma.

Graham: I get the feeling Sheep doesn't like Shampoo's engagement.

>She had not seen him in a couple of months and afraid if he was gone
>or perhaps dead.

>Rumours spread all over town of the ( male ) Ranma lost.

Tim: Everyone in town but the Kuno's knows that Ranma's cursed! Why just limit the rumors to MALE Ranma?

>Akane was not the kind of person to actually deal with the situation.

Ranma: (Laughs a little) He doesn't now what the hell he's talking about!

>She was totally devastated with the news she heard about the female
>cursed side of him.

Graham: Thank you for reminding us for the 100 millionth time that Ranma has a curse form.
Tim: Wait. I thought only rumors about MALE Ranma were circulating!

>And also, she was heart broken.

Tim: Unlike the author, who is soon to be leg broken.

>Ryoga came by the Tendo dojo and house quite frequently to visit
>Akane and give her flowers.

Graham: Are you sure it wasn't a Kuno in disguise?

>It was really a shock for him, he had found his way around town and
>successfully ended up to a correct destination.

Ranma: that destination was Kodachi's house, who decided that Bacon would be the PERFECT thing for dinner.

>Ryoga's life was brightening up. He had lost his arch rival Ranma and
>received his first love's hand in marriage.

Tim: Wow, being OOC's great for Ryouga's mood.

>Now, even do in his quite pregnant female form,

Graham: (Spits out drink) WHAT? RYOUGA'S PREGNANT NOW TOO?
Tim: I think it's more than likely that it's just a bad scene transition. And how’d you get a drink up there?
Graham: Hey, YOU wrote that part.


>Ranma was not the type to just brush the situation off.

Ranma: Unlike Akane, you mean?

>He had a crisis on his hands

Tim: And the basic equivalent of a parasite in his belly.
Graham and Ranma: Ewww...
Tim: It's true. Think about it. The child feeds off of the parent's nutrients without providing ANY beneficial side effects in return! Face it, All mammalian children are parasitic in the womb and for their first few years!

>and if he didn't break his curse before the child was born, he was surely to
>lose.

Graham: His lunch?
Tim: His Mind?
Ranma: His characterization?

>Ukyo, a local Omiyaki pizza cook

Ranma: Omiyaki? Pizza? That proves it. Sheep has NO clue what the hell he's talking about.
Graham: What, you JUST NOW figured it out?
Ranma: No, but now I have irrefutable proof.

>( and one of those people who love Ranma ),

Tim: Wake me when he treats us like we know something, wouldja?

>found a pale person in the alley.

Ranma: They bit her, and Ukyo was inducted into the ranks of the undead!

>Ukyo was taken out the trash when some red hair caught her eye.

Graham: Wonder who that could be?
Tim: It's Pink. Or mayhaps Washu, or A-ko, or Frau Bow, who had reddish hair, or one of the other TONS of anime gals with red hair?

>UKYO: Ranma, is that really you? Oh! Ranma, it is you!

Ranma: No it isn't Ukyo, you must've mistaken me for myself.

>But, why haven't you changed back to your normal form?

Tim: Because I'm afraid of taking a chance on something that would change me back into a guy?

>RANMA: Did Ryoga tell you the news? I can't change back Ukyo.

Tim: Why he'd want to change Ukyo back, we'll never know.

>I'm stuck like this until I have the kid. That jackass Kuno did this to me!

Graham: Are you SURE? Have you TRIED? Have you heated up some water and dumped it over your head?

>UKYO: Oh Ranma sweetums,

Ranma: Well, now Sheep's attacking Ukyo's characterization as well.
Tim: Folks get her ridiculously OOC all the time, don't worry about it. A lot of folks seem to hate her too. And like Shampoo. I wonder why, when Shampoo's willing to use every dirty trick in the book to get you, while Ukyo's pulled only a few? Oh, that's it! The dirtier pool you're willing to play, the more the fans like you!

>isn't there something I can do? Anything?

Tim: Get us the hell out of this fic, for one...

>RANMA: I wish there was something I can do……

Graham: How many of authors we've MST'd couldn't stick to a tense?
Tim: All of 'em, I think...

>hmmm……Oh! I have the most fabulous idea! That's it, it'll be perfect!

Ranma: On second thought, No. It would require a COMPETENT Author.

>You do remember Shampoo's grandmother? The old hag,
>I think her name was Calogne or something. Well…..

Tim: Ranma's memory ain't that bad...
Ranma: I may be slow bringing it up, but it's all in here!

>Ranma began to tell the plan.

>Ukyo began to realize the problem Ranma faced

Graham: (Ukyo) So you're stuck in your female form and are pregnant, and the author feels the need to repeat this information every two minutes? That IS a problem!

>and cooperated with him on the idea.

Graham: She's willing to help him in a plan that's likely to end him up with Shampoo?
Tim: The characters in Childhood's end were only slightly more OOC than THIS!

>RANMA: Well, we all know that the old hag is excellent in ancient
>Chinese magic.

Ranma: No, we didn't... God, how stupid does sheep think we are?
Tim: Maybe he just expects us to have a herd mentality and go along with this fic.

>Perhaps she can fix me up an antidote or something.

Graham: Something, most likely.

>UKYO: An antidote? How can that fix your pregnancy?

Tim: By killing the damn baby? Like I suggested a few months ago, fanfic time?

>RANMA: I'm not full girl, remember?

Tim: (Ukyo) Why I had no idea! I've been chasing after you this entire time and I thought you WERE a girl!
Ranma: Hell, she didn't even know I was cursed until I went to break up Ryouga and Akane's date...

>It's the curse that's pregnant. I can perhaps get rid of the pregnancy
>through my cursed form, and reverse the effect. It's hard to explain,

Ranma: Since it doesn't make any sense whatsoever...

>but I'm sure the old hag can think of something. I hope.

Tim: Help us Old Hag Ugly! You're our only hope!

>That same very day,

Graham: At else some place.

>Ryoga was inside Shampoo's Chinese restaurant

Ranma: I thought she served PIZZA!
Tim: Cologne owns the damn place, moron.

>and talking to Cologne.

Ranma: (Ryouga) Yeah, My character's been shot to hell, I'm a total asshole, my directional sense curse and sexual shyness are missing for no reason! So, can I fuck Shampoo or what?

>RYOGA: Yeah, I haven't seen Ranma in months. Everybody is talking
>about it. It's really strange you know, Ranma, I assumed he'll at least do
>something about this new engagement.

Tim: (Ranma) Lock, Load, and FIRE, Ryouga.

>COLOGNE: My son in law has always been a strange boy. However, a
>very unique one to that. That's no wonder my dear great-granddaughter
>Shampoo has chosen him to be her husband.

Graham: Cologne has a better grasp of the english language than that!
Ranma: She has a better grasp of it than Sheep, at least...

>RYOGA: Well then, if he's your son in law I don't expect him to worry
>about me marrying Akane one bit.

Graham: He don't know Ranma very well, do he?

>RANMA: That's where your wrong Ryoga!!!

Tim: Here, you dropped your wrong Ryoga outside.

>Ranma had burst inside the room. He was dirty as any beggar or
>someone who never had a shower in months would.

All: BE!
Tim: Which isn't that surprsing since he IS a beggar AND hasn't washed in months.

>RYOGA: Whew! PU!!

Graham: Isn't that Shampoo's real name?
Tim: Yeah. Xian-Pu, or something like that. I gotta check my Katakana notes.

>Have you been living in a trash can all this time Ranma?!

Tim: I'd make an Oscar the grouch joke, but...
Ranma: It might relate me to the fanfic writing Oscar?
Tim: Natch.

>UKYO: Shutup Ryoga! Old hag, we need an antidote and fast!

Graham: Well, when you put it that way, I'll do it right away with no strings attached!

>Cologne couldn't believe her ancient ( prune ) eyes.

Ranma: So Cologne's eyes were replaced with prunes?

>COLOGNE: Oh my, is that really you son in law?

Tim: No, It's my genetic twin come here to kill you, OF COURSE IT'S ME!

>RANMA: That's right old hag! I want to reverse this effect. I'm a man I
>tell ya, I man!!!

Graham: I man, you hag. We in bad fanfic

>RYOGA: You sure don't look like one to me. Oh, and how's the pregnancy
>been going? Gonna marry Kuno, Ranma? Have a wonderful wedding

Ranma: Hand me that rocket launcher, would you?

>( LOL )

Ranma: FIRE ONE!

>Ranma couldn't stand any longer with Ryoga's obscure sarcasim.

Graham: Isn't a Sarcasim one of the options in perfect dark?
Tim: If that's Sheep's idea of obscure, I'd hate to see something blunt.

>He slugged him hard in the face

All: WOOOHOOO!
Ranma: FIANLLY! I'm at least one millionth IC!

>and ran to the back room while carrying the quite tiny old lady Cologne
>with him.

>RANMA: Okay you old hag, give me an antidote! I want to reverse this
>pregnancy. I'm a man, and men are not supposed to be pregnant!

All: AMEN TO THAT!

>COLOGNE: Oh, but son in law, look at yourself. You're a girl now.

Ranma: FIRE TWO!

>Even a curse can have effects upon you boy. You can even become
>pregnant in your girl form. I don't suppose my antidote could work,
>that baby will be due soon.

Tim: Oh, and I'm SURE Ranma would've waited until the eighth month to go to Cologne for help...

>RANMA: Come on, there has got to be a way! I can't live like this old
>hag, I just can't! I want to be a man!

>COLOGNE: Then, if I give you the antidote and you change into a man,
>will you promise to marry my Shampoo?

Ranma: Why the hell would I wanna marry a bottle of hair clea- oh your GRANDAUGHTER! I totally forgot about her!
Graham: You've forgotten everything else, why not her?

>Ranma raised his ( or her ) eyebrow skeptically.

Tim: Okay, that's it, I'm sick of this iffy gender thingy. After the fic, Sheep's getting a major lesson in how to write Ranma gender.

>He knew the old hag had this coming. She even begged him to marry
>Shampoo when he was in a jam before. But this was serious. He had two
>delemmas upon himself and he had to fix it fast.

Ranma: Begged? Demanded!
Tim: Number one: Get cured without getting hitched to Amazon.
Graham: Number Two: Learn to correctly spell dilemma.

>SHAMPOO: Neehow!

Graham: The hell did I get stuck in this piece of crap fic?

>What you doing great grandmother?

Ranma: Just trying to cheat Ranma into marrying you again granddaughter. Now just run along and let me get you married.

>COLOGNE: Oh Shampoo, I think this'll be a glorious chance of a life
>time for you!

Tim: Yes, the publishing house sweepstakes just sent you a letter!

>Ranma has no choice now to marry you in exchange for a curing antidote!

Graham: He COULD just have an ABORTION and CHANGE BACK!
Tim: Another redundancy!

>SHAMPOO: Ai Lin! Oh, I'm so happy! Ranma, is true?

Ranma: No. It's all just a horrible, horrible lie.
Tim: Oh, and the part about him marrying you isn't true, either.

>RANMA: I just can't!

Ranma: That makes a total of TWO times I've acted IC this fic.

>Old hag, is there something else you can do?

Tim: Like... punch him in the gut?

>WAIT, HOLD RIGHT THERE READER!

Graham: Bite me. I'm not slowing down for anything.

>SINCE RANMA IS NOW PREGNANT, WHAT DO YOU THINK HIS
>BABY WOULD LOOK LIKE?

Tim: A six legged three headed sixteen armed spawn of Satan.
Graham: So one of the Thugs from Ranma Kills is what you're saying?

>HERE'S A TRIVIA QUESTION YOU ALL CAN ANSWER…

>1.Would the baby look more like Ranma or Kuno? What will his or
>her's name be? Would the baby have a Jusinkyo curse?

Tim: That's not trivia, since the answer can't be found within the data provided. As for the questions, who gives a crap, who gives a flying ferret, and No.

>2.How can Ranma have the baby? Cesarian or naturally? Think about it,

Ranma: Not even if you paid me!

>he's having the kid in his girl form. You be the judge.

Graham: GUILTY!
Tim: This crime is punishable by MST. You sentence is being carried out.

>Okay, back to the story..

All: NOOOOOOO!

>COLOGNE: It won't be any good since Ryoga is going to marry Akane.

Ranma: Thanks for dropping us right in the middle of something Sheep!
Tim: Sarcasm level: Waste high.

>RANMA: No, this cannot be! That's ridiculous! Ryoga's lying! That
>jackass jerk, he's lying!

Graham: To sum up: He's lying.

>For the first time, both Cologne and Shampoo saw Ranma crying.

>RANMA: I need the antidote old hag! And it's awfully difficult to make
>any rash decisions in a state like this.

Ranma: Fuck that! I want this fanfic over with! Gimme the damn antidote!

>I promise that I'll give an answer once I turn back and reverse this effect.

Tim: The answer is NO, by the way.

>Cologne took a long time for her decision.

Graham: Since she forgot to add the extra shipping charges for overnight mail.

>She wanted her so called " future son in law " to turn back but also marry
>her great granddaughter Shampoo.

Tim: Commas seem to not be in Sheep's repetoire...

>COLOGNE: Very well, here son in law. Drink the entire gord.

>The effect of the antidote shall reverse the pregnancy and turn you back
>into a man.

Graham: You know, so far, nothing's really come of this fic? It's just plodding along without direction...
Tim: We HAVE found the non-lemon equivalent of an Oscarfic! I knew they existed!

>TRIVIA QUESTION #2

>1.Okay you all, listen up!

All: (Wearing headphones)

>As you probably might have known from Shampoo's great grandmother
>bribing Ranma on marriage deals in the past,

Tim: So now he expects us to know EVERYTHING about Ranma 1/2, but he's been treating us like we knew shit about it before!

>do you think the antidote will work? Let's think about that one for a sec.

All: Yes. It will. Go to hell.

>Remember, record your answers on a sheet, or type it and send it to this
>web site that you found this story in.

Tim: Not if a herd of albanian goats were nibbling at my private regions, bub.
Graham: What he said!

>Now back to the story.

Ranma: Let's not and say we didn't

>Ranma opened the gord without delay,

>he took one humungus gulp and the gord was empty in less than a minute.

Graham: (Cologne) Ranma, you were supposed to pour it over your head!

>Cologne grabbed a nearby kettle and dumped the hot water on Ranma's head.
>Ranma had changed back to a man instantly!

Tim: As opposed to last week when it took him three whole hours to change form.

>COLOGNE: I wouldn't be so relaxed now son in law.

Ranma: I'm too tense from reading this fic to relax right now...

>Here, slpash yourself with this cold bucket of water.

All: (Singing) Slpish, slpash, I was taking a bath, all along a satrudya ngiht!
Graham: Wait, why'd she have a kettle and a bucket handy?

>Now we shall see if the antidote had worked.

Tim: Shouldn't the fact that he CHANGED BACK be proof enough?

>Ranma took a deep breath and splashed himself with the cold water.
>It had worked! He was no longer pregnant in his girl form. He changed
>himself back into his regular male form without any delay.

Ranma: Like I'd be eager to stay in my female form.
Tim: Hey, when it involves Akane and lingerie, you're more than willing to be in your female form!
Ranma: Bite your tongue and make it bleed...

>RANMA: I'm a man again!!! I'm no longer doomed! Thank you old hag,
>thank you!!!!

Ranma: Seeya! Ha! I LOVE pulling one over you you old hag!

>COLOGNE: Now don't be so content! You owe me something in return
>son in law. Will you marry my Shampoo?

All: HELL NO!

>Ranma took a quick look at Shampoo and turned his attention back to
>Cologne.

Graham: Next he burst into heaps of laughter...

>He was thinking about Akane.

Tim: You could tell because of the first trouser distortion he'd had in months.

>RANMA: I can't let Ryoga marry Akane! I have to stop the wedding!
>Don't worry old hag, you'll get your share once I get back!

Graham: Hey, Ranma's on the stock market now!
Ranma: With the way my dad kept selling me, I would NOT be surprised...

>COLOGNE: Wait! Son in law, wait!

>It was too late, Ranma was already far away. He was going to crash the
>wedding and destroy Ryoga's happiness.

Tim: This time, ON PURPOSE!

>TRIVIA QUESTION#3

Ranma: Also known as stuff Sheep SHOULD have told us during the fanfic.

>1.So you now know if or if not the antidote had worked.

Graham: We DO? I wasn't paying attention...

>But wait, these trivia questions are not just for straight answers like a
>school text book. These are your predictions and own ideas.

Ranma: So we're the author, basically?
Tim: RANMA AND AKANE LESBIAN LEMON SCENE! RANMA AND AKANE LESBIAN LEMON SCENE!
Rama: I'M IN AGREEMENT, EVEN IF JUST TO END THE FIC! (muttering) Not to mention the fact that it'd be fun as hell...

>Do not worry about my answers,

Graham: We didn't plan to.

>worry about yours and jot down your ideas ( answers as well ).

Tim: Isn't that the same thing?

>So we've found out that Ranma's in hot pursuit in destroying that wedding.
Will he succeed? Will Genma ( his father )

Ranma: As opposed to Genma, his bookie.

>accept him back into the family?

Tim: (godfather) Welcome back to the family Bobby.
Ranma: My name's Ranma, godfather.
Tim: In the family, EVERYONE's name is Bobby.

>You be the judge,

Tim: I sentence you to read every single Oscarfic!

>remember, send in your interpretation to this web page.

>Back to the story,

Graham: Part three...
Tim: If they make an animated series off of this fic, I'm gonna scream...
Graham: Does the Ranma 1/2 series count?
Ranma: No.
Tim: Into the valley of death rode the three hundred brave... or something like that...

>Ranmajust made it inside the Tendo house and into Akane's open
>window sill.

Ranma: Who the hell is Ranmajust?

>He was sitting on Akane's bed patiently.

Tim: Wearing nothing more than Lingerie, High heels, and a smile...
Ranma: At this point in the fic, I'm all for it ending with me having a lesbian romp in the sack with Akane...

>Finally the door opened.

All: Creeeeeeaaak!

>It was Akane and Nabiki. Nabiki had Akane's wedding dress neatly
>folded in her hands.

>NABIKI: Hey Akane, look who decided to drop by.

>AKANE: Ranma? Hmph! Why are you here?

Ranma: Because I'm Male, not pregnant, and willing to take back up the relationship from where it was about eight months ago.

>RANMA: I came to stop this wedding. The curse that Kuno had given
>me is gone. I had to take an antidote to reverse the effect off my female
>form. But see, I'm back to normal now!

Tim: Normal being a relaitve term, of course. Though they are the two most normal people in Nerima... strangely enough.

>AKANE: How nice for you. Ranma, you do realize that your no longer
>welcome here?

>I can't believe your father banished you from your own family.

All: I CAN!

>You've changed Ranma. So much from when we first met.

Graham: Yep, he's twenty times as badass, a whole lot more mature, and at least three inches better hung!
Tim: I don't think we needed to know that last part, Graham...

>But today I'm going to marry Ryoga. Our engagement between eachother
>is over, so you can leave anytime Ranma.

Ranma: So Akane's just gonna accept THIS engagement, to a guy she doesn't even like, when she wouldn't accept her engagement to me, whom she did like?
Graham: Especially in the sexual sense.
Tim: He's got you there. It's obvious the way you two uh... "reacted" to each other the first time you met as member of opposite sexes. The sound effect "sproing" comes to mind...

>NABIKI: Well, she hit you hard there, Ranma.

Tim: Speaking of hit... There hasn't been one single fight scene in this entire fic. And, unless properly written, a Ranma 1/2 fanfic desperately needs at least two fighting scenes.

>RANMA: Akane?! Have you gone insane?! Ryoga's a regular jackass!

Graham: I thought he was an extraordinary jackass?

>I didn't just come here to stop the wedding you know!

Ranma: I came have a lemon with you
Tim: Wearing nothng but lengirie heels and a smile?
Ranma: No.
Tim: I WILL NOT BE APPEASED UNTIL I SEE AKANE BOINK A RANMA WHO'S WEARING NOTHING BUT LINGERIE, HEELS, AND A SMILE!
Graham: My eardrums...

>AKANE: Oh? And what were you here for? Tell me!

>RANMA: I uh, came to say goodbye. Forever I guess.

Ranma: Damn. I gave up easy.

>Well, I suppose that old hag will get her part of the deal. Akane, I
>hope you and Ryoga will be happy with each other.

Ranma: WHAT THE FUCK? A second ago I was ready to break Ryouga's nose in to stop the wedding, and now I'm just giving up?

>Akane couldn't even get a word in edgewise. She had a feeling that this
>time, Ranma was actually serious!

Graham: No he isn't. He's just trying to lull you into thinking he's gone and-
Tim: Then he's gonna surprise you wearing nothing more than Lingerie, Heels, and a Smile!

>She saw tears in his eyes and a sad parting farewell

Graham: Tatooed on his left buttcheek.

>as he took off from the window sill and upon roofs.

>AKANE: Ranma?! RANMA!!!!!!!!!!!

>He had left, Ranma had left and was gone.

Tim: But there was still one more Ranma left to go, and HE heard Akane's shouting.

>Akane couldn't believe it,

All: WE CAN'T BELEIVE THIS EITHER!

>she sobbed for the next half hour.

Ranma: Man, Akane's taking this fic hard...

>TRIVIA QUESTION #4

>1.Now that Ranma has left, what do you think he could had done to prevent
>it to happen this way? Should he have seen Ryoga first?

Tim: With a shotgun, yes.
Ranma: Yes, and I would've been right up next to him ten feet away! And I'd pull the trigger and he'd die, but his shirt would be untouched! Then I'd go after Kuno, who's responsible for the fucked up situation I'm in right now! I'd use that messed up Ki blast I learned! and he'd just vanish, cease to exist, not be there anymore...
Tim: Somehow, We've made "Ranma Kills!" actually interesting. It's amazing what crossing two fics together can do to their enjoyment factor!

>You be the judge,

Tim: Sentence is passed. Baliff, get this sorry excuse for an author out of my courtroom!

>provide your own answer.

Graham: 42.

>Now back to the story,

>Akane didn't show up for the wedding. In the dojo ( which was
>decorated and large enough for the wedding ), Ryoga ( in a tux ) was
>anxiously waiting for Akane to come down the line in her gown. There
>was no Akane.

Graham: There is no Akane, it is all in your mind...
Tim: This isn't the tomboy you're looking for...

>MR. TENDO Where is Akane? Kasumi, have you seen her?

>KASUMI: No father, I haven't.

>NABIKI: I know where she is. Ranma came by.

>GENMA SAOTOME: Ranma, he was here?!

>NABIKI: He said something that the curse of the pregnancy was reversed
>somehow by an antidote he had taken. He wanted to stop the wedding.
>Akane was harsh on him, as usual. Then he left, saying goodbye forever
>or something strange like that.

Tim: I'm not sure what's more shocking. That they hadn't heard yet, or that she isn't charging.

>GENMA SAOTOME: That fool! That stupid cursed fool! We got to
>find Ranma!

Ranma: You're one to talk, pops!

>RYOGA: Wait! Don't I have any say in this?! What about the wedding?!

Tim: Oh, bugger off, pig-boy.

>MR. TENDO: It's canceled in the meantime!

Graham: Until we can find Ranma, then you can be best man!

>First, we got to find Ranma before he does any drastic measures!

Ranma: Or takes anything rash.

>Saotome, you should allow Ranma to be part of the family again.

>GENMA SAOTOME: And even if I tried he wouldn't listen. I doubt he'll
>listen to me again.

Ranma: Pop only disowned me and threw me out on the streets. of COURSE I'd listen to him!
Tim: Before crushing his windpipe.

>TRIVIA QUESTION#5

Graham: Why god, why?

>1.In your point of view, do you think Ranma will ever come back? Will
>he believe and accept his father's pleads to come back into the family?

Ranma: Say... How about we stuff Sheep into the air duct?
Tim: The one with the high velocity fan with the sharpened edges?
Graham: Hm... Sheep chops...

>You be the judge.

Ranma: If he says "And now back to the story", I'm gonna scream!

>And now, back to the story….

Ranma: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

>Ranma was inside Shampoo's Chinese Restaurant.

Tim: Are you sure it wasn't a Pizza Hut?

>He was about to tell the old hag about his sudden change in heart. He
>wanted to marry Shampoo and rid Akane out of his mind.

Graham: Are you SURE he's not pregnant anymore? I mean, he IS having drastic mood swings.

>RANMA: Old hag, I made a decision. I want to marry Shampoo.

>Ranma, disregarding his final choice in the matter, had Akane still glued
>to the back of his head.

Tim: What did I say earlier about Krazy glue?
Graham: That it was bad to combine it to sex?
Tim: Well, that doesn't have much relationship to the subject at hand, but it's STILL a bad combo!

>He felt terribly uncomfortable saying that. But Cologne wasn't the
>type to judge on this decision,

Ranma: So she WON'T be the judge?

>she sccepted it with gratidude.

>COLOGNE: Done! You both shall wed today!

>Ranma was thrown back off balance.

Tim: Hey! The set's become a tilt and tumble board again!

>RANMA: Tonight?!!? Don't you think it's a little too soon?! I mean, the
>wedding preperations and junk like that….

>Cologne smiled a toothless smile

All: (singing)They only show you their gums when they smile
Ain't got a tooth in their heads now...how vile
Only can eat things like pudding and applesauce
They never have to buy toothpicks or dental floss
Hey! Stand up!
Toothless people...their breath is lethal, wanna tell you
Hey...come on! Stand up...get on your feet!
Toothless people...old and feeble, what I say
Tim: And that is the longest singing bit we've ever done...

>and gave out a harsh cackling laugh that nearly made Ranma lose his lunch.

Graham: Oh, for flarg's sake use some other terms! Hurl, wretch puke, vomit, ralph, upchuck, spew, looking at rosanne barr naked, disgorge, anything but "lose your lunch"!

>COLOGNE: It'll be absolutly perfect! Love can't wait forever you know!

Tim: Debeers should be calling soon...
Ranma: Huh?
Graham: Their motto is "a daimond is forever"
Tim: Speaking of which... Should we have Bond take out Kuno or Sheep?... first, that is.

>Sooner than they thought it'll happen,

Tim: TENSES, MAN! STICK WITH A SINGLE TENSE!
Graham: Don't be so tense.

>Akane and the others were told of the news of Ranma's wedding that
>day. Akane was outraged.

Graham: How DARE he do that when I was about to do the exact same thing!

>AKANE: Why, that jerk! That moron, that jackass!!!

Ranma: What? No "baka"? No "hentai"? No creative insults? No "brushing it off"? Akane must be taking it worse than I imagined...

>MR. TENDO: Now Akane, control yourself. We still have a chance.

>RYOGA: Ha! Ranma, up to his no good tricks again! I'll kill him!

Ranma: So Ryouga wants to marry Shampoo, is that it?

>GENMA SAOTOME: Hold!

Tim: You gotta know when to Hold em, when to Fold 'em
All: and when to Let 'em Lie...

>I'll talk to the boy. It's been a while since the boy and I had a father
>and son chat.

Ranma: My entire life, actually. Do you know I didn't know about the "birds and the bees" until Jusenkyo basically?
Tim: No, but I am NOT surprised...

>Let me handle this.

Graham: Somehow, I've got less hope in the situation than I did before...

>Genma, as a martial artist himself

Tim: didn't look the part.

>got inside the groom's room where Ranma was at without any difficulty.

Ranma: Having used a tractor and a backhoe to crash through the wall...

>He closed the door gently behind him. Ranma was seated on a chair
>and looking at himself in the mirror as doing some finishing touches
>on his bow tie. He was already in the groom's tux.

Tim: Ranma IS Tuxedo mask!
Graham: Does this mean Akane is Sailor moon?
Ranma: Umm... yes?
Tim: Hey, if Ukyo's Jupiter, I call dibs!

>GENMA SAOTOME: Ranma, I'm afraid your making a grave mistake.

Ranma: Why the sudden need to include our last names? I mean, it's not like there are any OTHER Ranmas and Genmas in the series.

>Ranma knew his father was there, and ignored him at first.

>GENMA SAOTOME: I apologise for banishing you out from the family.
>But you cannot wed today. Akane…..um….

Tim: Is waiting at home for you with nothing on but Lingerie, Heels and a Smile?
Ranma: Unfortunately, No.
TIM: GOD DAMNIT! I WILL NOT LEAVE THIS ALONE UNTIL I SEE YOU AND AKANE HAVING LESBIAN SEX, ONE OF YOU WEARING NOTHING MORE THAN LINGERIE, HEELS AND A SMILE!
Graham: Oh, just check your porn archives. You probably have one in there and you've just forgotten about it.
Tim: You might be right. I do have that pic of Nabs fisting Akane...
Ranma: HUH?
Tim: It was fake, don't worry... Man are there a lotta Ranma hentai pics... roughly half as many Sailor moon ones.
Ranma: I'm not sure wether to be worried, or insulted that we have only have half as many as Sailor moon...

>RANMA: Save your breath Pop.( slang for dad ).

Graham: That's it. Sheep's not getting away with insulting our intelligence any longer...

>I know what I want. And I'm going to marry Shampoo. Akane is
>totally outta my life! Forever. And besides, she said she was going to
>marry Kuno, didn't she?

Ranma: Okay, when did THIS little tidbit of information come up?

>Genma paused.

Tim: If he rewinds, I kill something
Graham: Be kind, FAST FORWARD!

>GENMA SAOTOME: The wedding has been called off. She's not
>marrying him. All t needs is a re-engagement by you.

Ranma: Who the hell is T?
Graham: Does your pop want to marry you off to mister T?
Tim: Well, he DOES have all that gold jewelry...

>RANMA: I made my choice Pop. It's no use. Akane hates me and
>she's better off with Ryoga.

Ranma: and I'm possibly the most OOC there as I have ever been.
Tim: It's either this fic, the rheafics, Ranma Kills!, Moonlight's gift, or Childhood's End. Or a couple more fics I could name that make very little sense.

>GENMA SAOTOME: Listen to your senses boy!

Ranma: Okay!
Tim: Ranma then smashed his pop in the nose, Broke Cologne's spine, sent shampoo back to china in a crate, had the Kunos commited, gave Ryouga accurate directions to the Tendo Dojo, Adopted Ukyo as his sister, married Akane, had several kids, and they lived happily ever after.
Ranma: Hey, that sister thingy... what was that again?
Tim: Basically, the promise Genma made to her dad was that Ukyo would one day be a part of the Saotome family. By adopting her, you both keep your honor, you're free to marry Akane, she's free to find somebody she TRULY loves, and everyone's happy. That utterly brilliant solution to your problem took me three weeks to figure out. There's just one little kink I haveta work out...
Graham: What?
Tim: Getting Ukyo to agree to it.

>Akane needs you! We all do! Now stand up to what really is like a man!

Graham: Alright... whatever the hell you just said, I'll do it!

>I didn't come all the way in here to just let you get off easy!

Tim: That's Shampoo's job.

>Listen to me Ranma, I know whats right for you and calling off the
>wedding is for your own good.

Ranma: Okay pop... I've seen the OAV's I know Akane's gonna get a KILLER figure and look KILLER in that yellow nightie... SEEYA POP, I'M OFF TO MARRY AKANE!
Tim: (singing) He's of off to boink his lover, his wonderful lover in bed... PARODY IDEA!!!

>RANMA: I already made a deal with that old hag. It was the only way
>for me to get the antidote and change myself back. Now I got to repay her.

Graham: Here's twenty bucks. That should do the trick.

>GENMA SAOTOME: Call it off. I'll handle the rest.

>Ranma turned around quickly and looked his father straight in the eye.

>RANMA SAOTOME: You'll do that for me? Pop, oh, THANK YOU!!!

>Ranma embraced his father in a loving hug.

Tim: I think that potion had some fucked up side effects. Ranma's HUGGING Genma?

>Later that day,

>Ranma was busy eating some chips as he watched some T.V. Akane
>made her way in the room.

Ranma: Wearing nothing more than Lingerie, Heels and a Smile. Happy now?
Tim: YES!

>AKANE: So, the wedding between you and Shampoo was canceled, hmm?

Graham: No, it's still on. You're one of the bridesmaids.

>RANMA: Oh shutup. I thought you liked Ryoga.

Tim: Don't they make a loving couple? Oh, and in case you didn't get it there folks, the joke was that there wasn't a TRACE of sarcasm in that comment.

>AKANE: I was obligated, same as you. By the way, how did your father
>tell Cologne it was canceled and filled in the deal?

>RANMA: Oh, he went on a date.

>AKANE: WHAT?!

All: OH, HE WENT ON A DATE!

>RANMA: Yeah, I thought so too when I heard the news. The old hag
>reversed the deal and made my Pop go on a one day date with her.

>AKANE: Didn't your father refuse?

>RANMA: He couldn't. The deal had to be done.

>He said he would handle it anyway.

Graham: And my hope just bottomed out.

>Just then, Genma stepped into the room. He was flushed red and had
>red lipstick kiss marks all over his cheeks. Cologne was on his back.

Ranma: My freedom in exchange for horsey rides?
Tim: Well, It appears Cologne has realized what she had just does and was going to ride Genma all day about it.

>COLOGNE: Come on Genma, you can do better than that! Carry me
>to the mall, we have a lot to do there!

>GENMA SAOTOME: Groan! Ranma, you fool! Don't ever get yourself
>in another jam, especially with this woman!

Ranma: I think I'd better be more worried about this Author...

>RANMA: No worries Pop ( LOL )!!!

>But I have a good feeling that this is not over yet.

All: IT HAD BETTER BE OVER!

>THE END

All: WOOOHOOO! (Everyone starts to get up)

>Well reader, what did you think?

Graham: Bite me
Tim: Fuck off.
Ranma: Burn in Hell.
Tim: It's another edition of the TRUE "Ranma kills!"

>Please place your opinion of this story and of the trivia questions,
>followed by your own interpretations and answers for them.

Graham: Everyone was COMPLETELY OOC
Tim: Grammar sucked saiyin monkey form ass!
Ranma: There was no martial arts!
Tim: No Marital arts, either!
Graham: Diolague was like a sixth grade play!
Tim: Drama was comedic!
Ranma: Comedy wasn't!
Graham: There was no action!
Tim: The romance was shitty, the plot went nowhere, we ended up right back where we started
All: AND THE GUILTY PERSON WENT UNPUNISHED!
Graham: Wait, Kuno, or Sheep?
Tim and Ranma: YES.

>I hope you enjoyed it.

All: And we hope you get what's coming to you!

>Please send all your words to this web site in which you found this crazy
>story in.

Tim: Bite me and give yourself a rabies shot.

>Oh, and be sure, if you would like any more of my crazy
>( entertainment only ) stories, be sure toadd them in any questions or
>comments that you would like to have! Okay, bye!

Ranma: What I'd like is for him to stop!
Tim: Now he's dragging Super Mario characters into this!
Graham: And let's get the hell out of here!
Artlu: Actually, since you've been such good sports, I've decided to tack on a Rheashort!
All: WHAT? (They sit down and start loading the weapons Tim keeps in the theatre. Then they realize it's a Rheafic and grab pillows and blankets instead while Tim has the beds flip out of the floor)
Ranma: Why do you have beds installed in a movie theatre?
Tim: In case I happen to A: be watching a really boring movie, or B: have my gal in here with me watching a really steamy movie. My motto is "Hah! The boyscouts got NOTHIN' on me!"
Graham: Nice motto.

>DISCLAIMER:None of these characters are mine,and no copyright
>infringement is intended.

>This Christmas themed fic is my first attempt at a WAFFy fic.

Ranma: You mean the other two WEREN'T supposed to be WAFFY?

>Enjoy...and happy holidays!

Tim: Hehe... It's May... The only holiday I wanna celebrate is getting the hell outta school day!

>This non-lemon is not to be confused with a lemon from another author
>titled "Mistletoe."

All: GOD DAMNIT!

>"Under the Mistletoe"

>(A Ranma 1/2 spamfic),by Mike Rhea

Graham: Note to everybody: WAFFy equals SPAM!
Tim: Of course, so does EVERYTHING by this author...

>*********************************************************

>It was early December,and Japan's Kansai region was paralyzed by a
>unusually violent snowstorm.

Ranma: (Snowstorm): Ha! Take THAT, Kansai! Nobody can beat me now! Wha- AAAAAAH! GOJIRA!

>Schools and shops were closed,and people were advised not to be outdoors.

Tim: Since Gojira and the Snowstorm were locked in deadly combat.

>That is exactly why Ranma Saotome and his wife,the former Ukyou Kuonji,

Graham: She's the cook formerly known as Ukyo!

>were depressed.They had to close their okonomiyaki shop for the day
>because of the bad weather,and they weren't used to the unusually
>extreme winter weather that was bad enough to drive away even their
>regular customers from their institution in the middle of western
>Kyoto.

Tim: DAMN. Run on sentences from hell!

>The two lifelong friends were sitting side by side at their
>counter,lamenting the bad weather conditions.

Graham: Well at least they aren't "exalting" everything...

>"Whatever happened to June,July,and August;Ranchan?,"inquired a
>depressed Ukyou,

Ranma: It's called Fall, Winter, and Spring, Ukyo. DEAL WITH IT.

>who in a major deviation from her normally tomboyish wardrobes,

Tim: So she gets all her clothes from Akane?

>was wearing a kimono."It was just 4 months ago that you
>were admiring me in a bathing suit.

Ranma: Yes-You-Are-Kawaii-No-Matter-What-You-Wear-More-So-In-A-Bikini
Tim: MUCH less so in when you're trying to kill me...

>I try to dress feminine in a season other than summer,and no one is
>able to notice it because they can't go anywhere in this weather."

Tim: Three words. SNOW TIRES! PARKAS!

>"Don't worry,Ucchan,"replied Ranma."The weather may seem depressing,

Graham: I'm guessing it'd be tacky to sing "let it snow" right now, right?
Tim: (nods)

>but at least you're alone with someone you truly love,my darling
>Ucchan."

Ranma: (looking around) Now if I could just find him I could get the hell out of here...

>"Thank you,Ran-chan."

>Suddenly,they noticed that they were sitting under a piece of
>mistletoe that was hanging from the ceiling.

Tim: Oh for the Ranma and Akane semi-lemon that IS "Mistletoe"
Ranma: Semi-lemon?
Tim: Kinda Hentai, but only insinuations of sex.

>They blushed profusely,

>then they began to gaze in each other's eyes.

Tim: Hey, you got something in your eye.
Graham: I'll dig it out with a fork later.

>"Ucchan,when I tell you that you are kawaii,it means from the inside out

Ranma: Upside-down.
Tim and Graham: No matter what you wear....

>no matter what you wear,"said Ranma.

Tim: Hey, Rhea! Is your motto "Cut and Paste" or what?
All: The Rhea zone! Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo...

>"Additionally,when I told you that I truly loved you more than okonomiyaki,

Ranma: I wasn't SERIOUS! Now cook me some food!

>that meant forever.And I want it to mean forever,my love."

All: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz......

>"Ran-chan,you're the only one who I ever want to be stranded with
>during a snowstorm,"replied Ukyou."

Tim: Other than *ahem* Ryouga, Mousse, Pansuto Taro, Kuno, that french guy, Konatsu, the pizza delivery boy...
Ranma: Every male character OTHER than Tsubasa and Gosunkugi, basically?
Tim: Pretty much... excluding your Pop, Tendo and Happosai...

>Even if we ARE sitting under mistletoe."

Tim: RANDOMNIMITY AWARD!!!!

>"True,Ucchan.If I had known in the first place that you were 100%
>woman,I wouldn't have chosen okonomiyaki and fallen for my pop's dirty
>trick in the first place."

Ranma: I would have chosen CHEESE!

>"I love you,Ran-chan."

Graham: I lust you too Ranma-chan.

>"I love you too,Ucchan."

Tim: Well, I'm pretty much indifferent, Ucchan...

>Though Mother Nature had literally snowed on a day's profits,Ranma and
>Ukyou,as usual,found company in the form of each other.

Tim: As opposed to the the day before when Ranma found it in the form of Akane and Ukyo found it in the form of some sex toys she had stashed away when she was living at that all guy's boarding school. Speaking of which... That Japanese transfer student who's gonna be going to my boarding school next year looks VERY familiar...

>They began kissing very passionately...under the mistletoe.

Graham: Briefly and Deeply ta boot!
Tim: It was under the mistletoe because Rhea's already used the bathroom twice...

>**Music:"September,"by Earth,Wind,and Fire**

>THE END

Ranma: The best lines Rhea's ever written!

>*********************************************************

>AUTHOR'S NOTES:As you may know,of the fics that I've written,this is
>one of the few that concentrate exclusively on a Ranma/Ukyou romance.

Ranma: Yer joking, right?

>Yes,this isn't one of my longer fanfics;but rather,my first attempt at
>both a Christmas-themed fic and a WAFFy fic was intended to be a short
>romantic piece featuring anime's original half-man

Tim: Shiro? or his pop?

>and his kawaii otemba.

Ranma: "Cute Tomboy?" Akane, right?
Tim: He still could be talking about Shiro and Momoko in "Excuse me for being a dog!"... with the extra lemony closing line "Didn't you hear? I LOVE dogs!" "Woof?". If you have no clue what I'm talking about, read Rumic Theatre...

>Additionally,unlike my previous post-manga fics,none of the
>other cast members appear in this shortfic.I decided to leave it to
>the imagination of the reader whoever they pair up the other characters
>(Akane,Ryouga,Akari,Tsubasa,Konatsu,etc.)with.

Tim: I choose Akane with Ranma, Ryouga with Ukyo OR Akari, Tsubasa with his right fist, and Konatsu with Ukyo.

>Excluding flames,C&C are welcome.

Graham: MST doesn't count as flaming right?
Tim: Nope, as Megane says "This is just another form of C&C"

>You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics(by yours truly and other
>authors)on my page(the cabernet sauvignon of Ranma romance sites)

Ranma: So it IS french?
Tim: I'm more inclined to believe it's the rotgut whiskey of Ranma romance sites...

>devoted to the Angel/Buffy of Rumiko Takahashi fandom(for real).

Tim: Kagome and Inu-Yasha, You mean.

>Mike Rhea
>Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages!

>http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/

Tim: And we're outta here for REAL!

(The outer room)
Tim: Okay, I beleive we sufficiently tooled Sheep's fic back in the Theatre, but I still need to tell him HOW to write Ranma-chan's gender. (Starts pacing) Now, since the issue of whether Ranma-chan, or onna, if you will, is actually a guy or a girl almost always come into the debate, I simply make it a matter of perspective. If it's a mental thing, or from Ranma's perspective, then it's HE, unless you're dealing with tactile things, like the body, ESPECIALLY the Primary and Secondary sexual zones. Saying "his vagina" and "his breasts" is really disturbing, you know? If it is from someone else's perspective, then again, think about who's talking, and how they are talking about Ranma, for someone like Akane or Ryouga, then it's mental HE, physical SHE. For someone like Kuno, SHE the entire way. Now onto that last Rheashort. Your thoughts? Oh, and how about we give some actual C&C for a change?
Graham: Okay. First off, you admit it is post-manga, yet still have Ranma not hooking up with Akane. Rumiko wanted them together, I believe that's testament enough to their staying together!
Ranma: He forgot punctuation, and again, the spaces after perods were conspicuously absent. Besides, he had me saying the same lines OVER AND OVER AND OVER Again! They didn't sound like me anyways.
Tim: What gets me is his REPEATED Akane bashing. Sure she's a brash, violent tomboy, Big WHOOP. Some of my best friends are brash and violent. My cousin's a gaijin Akane, and she's my favorite relative! As for Plot. Where was it? was it the same place you stuck the plots of the other two? One thing MOST Authors need to realize is the difference between a premise and a plot. You only have a premise. Let me give you an example of the difference between a premise and a plot. (He wheels out a videoscreen)

Premise: Boy is cursed to become girl when splashed with cold water, he is engaged to a tombyish girl, they are attracted to each other, but refuse to admit it.

Plot: Ranma, while travelling through China, is cursed. About a month afterwards, he is introduced for the first time ever to his Fiancee, Akane. The only problem is that because of the Curse, Ranma is curently a SHE. Ranma and Akane become quick friends, especially since they are both interested in martial arts. Later, Akane's older sister tells Ranma-chan to take a bath, to wipe off the sweat from practicing. Ranma does so. Shortly thereafter, Akane decides to take one too, figuring no problem with bathing with another girl, since communal bathing is costumary in Japan. Unfortunately, Ranma has just used the hot water to transform himself back into a guy. Akane walks into the bathroom just as Ranma gets out, and they both get a look at each other naked.

Tim: Now that's not an entire plot, but it's a plot setup with a plot inside. I only included the setup, Rising Action, and Climax, but you get the deal. A plot is FAR more in depth than a simple premise, and what you've just given us here is nothing more than a simple premise. Now, I'll admit, if properly written, a "normal life" Ranmafic can be interesting, and that's basically what I'm trying to do with "Ranma leaves the dojo" But it still must have the one needed element of a PLOT. I think that's enough. Artlu?

(Shallow Twelve)
Artlu: So FIVE in a row didn't phase you? I huess Instead of Quantity, next time I should go for Quality, or lack thereof.
Tim: Great. Another threat of MST's to come. Well SEEYA!
(signal end)

THE END!

>"Ucchan,when I tell you that you are kawaii,it means from the inside out
>no matter what you wear,"said Ranma.

>Ranma muttered "Burn.in.hell"

>AKANE: Oh, it's you Shampoo. Hey Ranma, your lover girl's here. Why
>don't the two of you go on a date or something, hmm?

Send Email to me at
Ktnablade@Aol.com
or Graham at
Gmantis12@Aol.com
or Ranma at
RSaotome@Jol.com

Great. Now it's finally done! It took me three times to write that opening sequence since I left it for last and My computer was running low on resources. Here's to hoping I don't do another Mega SE anytime soon... And I just noticed my line selection was VERY humorous in their ordering...
This is the first Time I've ever done an Author's notes at the end of an MST. Hey, as I grow older, I get more responsible. Who knows, I might even include a door sequence every single time one of these days! Oh, and as always...

Comments appreciated, Flames given to my pyromaniacal little brother.
----

So, yeah. Egads that was long. After this, they get a LOT shorter for a good while longer. In any case, Comments and Criticisms welcome.