MFT3K: Episode 0
Posted: 2007-04-29 07:16pm
Hi, I'm mostly a lurker here, but seeing that someone else posted their MSTing series I decided to post my own which I was just restarting. So, here's Mystery Freelancer Theatre 3000
For now, I have the one I originally wrote back a couple of years ago as a prologue of sorts. It's only had a few changes from the original version, so we'll see how I've changed when the first real one is finished. The characters are all from the game Freelancer, except for all MST3K related things, and Paulo who was created by me. This was written for a Freelancer fan board, so if you don't understand any jokes then that is probably the reason.
In retrospect, the fic I'm MSTing here was probably a troll fic, or was written by a 6-year old. I still can't figure out what the whole 'Terrence' thing is about. Anyway, enjoy. The first proper episode is currently being written.
MYSTERY FL THEATER 3000
EPISODE 0: “FREELANCER 2”
(A Freelancer/Dragonball/Terrence? Crossover MSTing)
By Sybot
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain characters, song titles, games, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.... Freelancer is the property of Digital Anvil/Microsoft. "Freelancer 2" is the property of Zeta_Leader and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. This MSTing is rated PG.
(MST3K Love Theme)
In the very distant future,
About 3000 AD
There was this guy named Trent
Not too different from you or me
He worked for nobody but himself
Caring for little else but his wealth
He did a great job flying round the place,
But a villain didn’t like him
So he shot him into space!!!!
(Trent: But I was in space already!)
I'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst I can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and I'll monitor his mind (lalala)
Now keep in mind Trent can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To teleport in his friends;
HERO ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT!
(Smile please!)
PAULO!
(Why am I here?)
JUNI!
(I’ll kill him for this)
KIIIIIIIIIIING!!!
(I need a drink… )
If you’re wondering how Trent eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
It's just a MST
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY FL THEATER 3000!!!! (guitar twang)
SATELLITE OF LOVE:
A Hispanic man in his late teens/early twenties enters from the right. He is dressed in a Corsair flight suit. Crashing and banging noises, as well as yells can be heard coming from behind him. He notices the camera and looks at it.
“Oh, you must be Cambot,” he said, “from what that guy Trent said you are be transmitting live to the rest of the sector…” The realisation leaps onto his face like lightning. “I’m on TV!” He manages to stop himself from becoming too excited and looks back at the camera. “I guess you viewers want to know what’s happening? Fine then. I am Paulo Collazo, mighty pirate. Apparently this guy called Edison Trent, who needed us to help with something, brought us here. By us I mean me, a Kusari woman, and a Libertonian man” Suddenly a bald, moustachioed man, wearing an LSF uniform, runs in from the direction of the noises, briefly stops to look at the camera, then continues running off to the left, barely dodging a thrown piece of equipment. Paulo lets him pass, then continues.
“I think he said his name was Michael King. As for the Kusari woman, she’s the one kicking up all the fuss back there. Apparently she wasn’t too happy with Trent bringing all three of us here. Personally I don’t know why I’m here; they seem to know each other but I haven’t met any of them before” There is a thud and all the crashes and smashing abruptly stops. Paulo glances off to the right, grimaces, and then looks back to the camera. “We’ll be right back”
**COMMERCIAL**
Synth Foods Paste
Enjoy the delicious taste
So sugar free is our mush
You won’t even have to brush!
**END COMMERCIAL**
As the picture fades back in, we see Paulo and King sitting at the table with the aforementioned Trent, a blonde man in a brown jacket, and Jun’ko ‘Juni’ Zane, a Kusari woman in an LSF uniform. King is bandaging Trent’s head, while Paulo wisely sits between him and the still raging (albeit silently) Juni, preventing any further injury.
“OW!” Trent yelled, knocking King’s hands away as he did it.
“If you’d hold still, this would be done a long time ago… There!” He moves away to reveal Trent’s head wrapped up like a mummy.
“Great! Now I can’t see!” Trent stands up and stumbles off-camera. A short while later a clattering is heard.
“Anyway…” Paulo says when Trent returns, having completely thrown off the bandages, “does anybody know why we’re here?”
“I BELIEVE I CAN ANSWER THAT!” A loud booming voice filled the room and the wall behind the group lit up in static. They all turn just in time for the wall to become a viewscreen, showing a man in a starkly green lab coat with crazy hair, a moustache and green-rimmed glasses. “MY NAME IS…ahem…” his voice returns to normal levels “…my name is Dr Clayton Forrester, evil genius extraordinaire!”
“WHY HAVE YOU FORCED US HERE!” Juni screams. She gets off her chair, and then throws it at the viewscreen. Unfortunately it only bounces off.
“My dear,” Forrester continues with a smile, “you are here to participate in an experiment. In layman’s, i.e. your, terms, I will show you a piece of literature, and if it successfully drives you insane, I will use it to conquer the Sirius Sector! Mwahahahahahah!”
“We’ll never do it,” Paulo growls stubbornly with his arms crossed.
“Then you’ll sit it out without oxygen!” Forrester chuckles, reaching for a button out of sight.
“Fine! Fine!” Trent leaps up before Forrester can push it.
“Good. Now, my guinea pigs, get into that theatre because you have…FANFIC SIGN!!!” He cackles and switches off the viewscreen just before Juni can attack again with her chair.
“Now what?” asks King. Suddenly alarms and klaxons ring through the satellite and the lights all start flashing.
“Guess that answers your question,” Trent replies. They get together and grab Juni, then drag her through the door into the theatre.
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
*They enter the theatre and sit down in this order: King, Paulo, Trent, and Juni*
Trent: We can’t let that guy win, just play it cool.
Juni: *still angry* Grrrrrrrrr…
King: Hey, why are we talking like this now?
Paulo: Makes it easier on the eyes for the reader.
*CRASH*
King: What was that!
Paulo: Sounded like the fourth wall breaking, nothing important.
Trent: Shhh, it’s starting.
*The fic begins to scroll by on the theatre screen*
>Freelancer 2
Paulo: Let me guess…Revenge of the Nomads?
Juni: The Author gets what’s coming to him?
Trent: Trent finally gets paid?
King: King finally gets laid?
Others: 0_o
King: What!?
>The Intro Is When The Nomads Came Into a Secret System
Trent: Shhh! It’s a secret!
Paulo: (David Attenborough) Here, in the Secret System, a group of Nomads come to the watering hole.
>unknown to even their leader, This system was The Terrence System
Juni: What! What sort of name is that for a system! *swings a katana over her head*
Trent: Take it easy! *ducks katana*
King: And where’d that sword come from?
>Run by 2 secret factions, The Terrence Team and the Saiya-jins
All: KA - ME - HA - ME -HA!
>Thoe too teams wanted revenge because the last people that "owned"
Paulo: You mean ‘pwned’, surely.
Trent: WTF! I R teh l337 hx0r!
Juni: STFU!
Trent: N00B!
Juni: OMGWTFBBQ!
King: lol
>the sirus system did the same thing that happened to the Nomads so doese
King: This fic is making me ‘doese’
>teams teamed up to distroy the Exact thing that holds the Sirus System togeter,
Juni: Blu-tack?
Trent: String?
King: Duct tape?
Paulo: The Force?
>the core of it, The New York System
All: Oh.
Trent: Funny how a single system somehow single-handedly keeps an entire sector together.
>(3 Months Later)
King: (Author) Zzz…Huh! What! Oh sorry, I got so bored writing this I fell asleep.
>The Order Has Gotten Bored Since they had to wait
Trent: (Orillion in whiney kid voice) I don’t wanna wait! Gimme something to do!
>so most of them went in to check if the Nomads are doing good in there
Paulo: (Orillion) Hey Nomads, doing anything good? Not planning to conquer humanity I hope.
Juni: (Nomad) Of course not, just ignore the Battleship sneaking up behind you.
>because their scanners have picked up somthing unknown and weird then it looked
>like they where in a Jump Gate and then the next thing they know is alot of new
>ships, a Nomad Bomber, Someone Flying in space with a Yellow Arua Covering
>then Bang their in the Freelanceing World in the sky
Trent: Err…
King: If anyone could make sense of that last section, please tell us.
>Orillion Servived and went off to tell trent and the others
King: (Orillion) Trent! Good thing I found you! We’re under attack from Saiya-jins and some guys called Terrence!
Trent: Bwhahahahahahaha! … Oh wait, you’re serious.
>Mission 1:
>You start with a Anubis because you are part of the order
Juni: (Customer) I’d like to order a Trent Supreme please.
Trent: (Waiter) Certainly ma’am, any Hakkera Fries with that?
>Oriilion Comes and tells Trent What Happened And The Mission /is To Find The
>Cloaked Planet to find the cloak Device
Paulo: Good thing that ‘Orillion’ had already told him, or he might not have believed him.
Trent: Wait…where did this cloaked planet come from?
King: The same place Jacobi’s kidnapping did; left field.
>Part One, Getting Blowen Off By Nomads
King: Sounds fun.
Juni: King!
King: What?
Juni: There may be kids reading this!
King: Bite me!
>Part two, Nomads Still Coming
>Part 3, To To trade Lane
>Part 4: Distroy the Nomad Fleet
>Part 5: Dock
All: (signing) I'm just sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time…
>Mission 1 B:
>Part 1: Cloak
>Part 2: De Cloak And Fire Super Misspitos
Trent: (Salesman) That’s right! Misspitos! Guaranteed to NOT hit what you are aiming for!
Paulo: (Salesman) Buy now and get a discount on all Dodgssiles!
>Part 3: Blow Up The Nomad Base
>Par 4: Defend Juni
Trent: FORE!
King: I don’t think you’ll be able to score a hole-in-one there, Trent.
Juni: Why do I feel I should be stabbing you for that?
>Trent told Orillion that he distroyed their super base but Orillion said they are more
>but you have to get stronger
Trent: (singing) The hours approaching, just give it your best, you got to reach your prime.
Juni: (singing) That’s when you need to put yourself to the test, and show us a passage of time.
Paulo: (singing) Were going to need a MONTAGE!
>Because They have a whole other system from that hole you made and they have
>gotten stronger since last time
Trent: How conveeeeenient.
>Then Trent Said So When is the next guy who will somehow come here and show
>me an artifact...
Juni: (Trent) I thought I lost him when he ‘fell’ out of the airlock, but he’s just like a bad smell.
King: He keeps coming back?
Juni: No, he just has really bad BO.
Others: *groan*
>then sombody did have an artifact that had electisity and Red Arua around it
Trent: Another one! Why does everybody keep coming to me with these things, I’m not a freaking archaeologist!
>Mission 2:
>Orillion Wants Trent, Juni, and King to Come To Mannhation For a mission to
>distroy the Red Bomber and the fleet Shild Covering it
Paulo: (Red Bomber) If I can’t see you, you can’t see me!
>1: Run From The Saiya-jins
>2: Zap Their Heads Off
>3: Beat The Whole Terrence System Fleet
King: (Trent) With a name like that, they can’t win!
>4: Eat
>5: Use The Bathroom
Paulo: That reminds me…I think that’s our time for a break.
Trent: About time! *Tries to push past Juni*
Juni: Ah-ha! No you don’t! *The katana is now pointing at Trent’s stomach*
Trent: Okay! You first.
*They exit in reverse order*
SATELITE OF LOVE:
“And now we’re talking like this again!” King shouts as he enters the room.
“Don’t worry about it,” Paulo mutters.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Juni chips in. She certainly seems happier than before.
“I’m glad I got all of you to help me. That might have made me insane if you hadn’t been here,” Trent says, sounding relieved.
“Wait…” Juni’s smile slowly becomes a frown, “you only brought us here to stop yourself going crazy…” She slowly walks towards Trent. “TALK ABOUT SELFISH!”
“Er…calm down dear, its only a commercial” Trent backs into a wall while saying this. Paulo turns to the camera.
“You heard him Cambot, roll commercials” As the image fades screams of pain can be heard in the background.
**COMMERCIAL**
Starfliers!
The greatest ships in the universe!
Perfect for the budding Freelancer!
Satisfaction or you money back, guaranteed!
(Not a guarantee)
**END COMMERCIAL**
Fading in, we see the room in ruins; the walls scorched black and smoke pouring from damaged consoles. Paulo and King peek over the top of the table, the only thing still standing.
“Is it over,” King says quietly.
“I think so,” Paulo replies. A look of horror appears on his face when he looks offscreen to the left and he screams. “Ahhhhhhhh! Stay away!” Juni walks in from the left. However, she seems happy now.
“Don’t worry, I think I’ve vented my anger now,” she says with a grin. Trent walks in behind her, covered in bruises, his clothes ripped and half his hair and eyebrows burnt off.
“And not a moment to soon,” he groans, before coughing up a ball of string. Alarms and klaxons start with flashing lights throughout the satellite.
“No time to clean up, guys!” Paulo shouts, “We’ve got FANFIC SIGN!!”
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
*They enter the theatre and sit down in this order: King, Paulo, Trent, and Juni*
King: Feeling better Trent?
Trent: I think so…amazing how much good a scene change can do…Anyway. Recap time!
Paulo: The Nomads teamed up with some Saiya-jins and the Terrence Team, whatever the hell that is. Together they plotted to destroy the Sirius Sector by…attacking only New York.
Juni: The Order was bored, so they went and investigated. They bumped into the bad guys and something incomprehensible happened. Trent then got a briefing from Orillion, and his clone Oriilion.
King: Trent got an artifact that didn't serve any purpose to the plot, and then there were a bunch of fights with no clear plotline to link them.
Trent: (TV Announcer) And now…THE CONCLUSION!
*The fic begins to scroll by on the theatre screen*
>6: Sleep While Enimies Blow Your Ship Off
King: …
Juni: *holding katana menacingly* Not a word…
King: I’ll be quiet.
>7: Distroy The Red Bomber
>Mission 3:
>Anoter Mission To Distroy a Fleet So Orillion Knows This is The End
Trent: This fic will be The End of us!
>so He Will Help, Then Trent Goes Out Side
Juni: But he forgot his spacesuit, so he dies from the vacuum…
Trent: Feeling dark today, are we?
>and then almost gets blasted 16 times by a nomad and then some one comes out
>from nowhere then kicks him
Paulo: Arghh! But Nomads don’t have legs!!! ArrrrRRRR! *Paulo’s head explodes in a flash of pyrotechnics and he falls from his seat*
Others: Err…
King: Wonder if Megane 6.7 will sue for that?
*CRASH*
Juni: *sighs* There goes the fourth wall again…
Paulo: *comes back up, head intact* Never mind.
Trent: Glad the obligatory MSTing in-joke’s out of the way.
>in the sky then ran up to him but then trent smacks him
King: (Trent) You naughty, naughty boy!
Trent: 0_o
>back into the building then said NOT THIS TIME!!! Then sombody came and said
>"Zaker!" Then Trent Was Electrocuted Again.
Trent: Damn these cheap hairdryers!
>the next thing he knows is getting woken up by a Nomad, The Leader Of the >Terrence Team,
Juni: You know, this is the first fanfic I’ve read where I’ve had absolutely no idea what the HELL SOMETHING IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE! *Throws katana, but it just gets stuck in the screen*
>and the Strongest Saiyan, Goku. Then Trent Said What The??!?! A Nomad?? a >Saiyan?? a Terrence???
Trent: Oh, great job Juni. You caused the sentences to get fragmented.
>then the Nomad said You Can call me Solo
King: (Solo the Nomad) ‘Hands Solo’ Heh.
Juni: *glares*
Trent: Cool! When you said parsec, did you mean distance or time?
Paulo: Did you shoot first?
>then Terrence said that is my brothers name
Paulo: (TV Announcer) Terrence and the Nomad brothers that scorned him, tonight on Jerry Springer!
Juni: So Terrence is brother to a Nomad? Finally some hints to what he looks like!
>then Trent said so your here to help right?
King: (Terrence) Yes, even though we’ve been shooting each other since this story started.
>then they said yes then Trent said why does the weird stuff always happen to me...
>then the Nomad Solo said I have a plan to get passed the rest of the Nomads but it is
>Tricky
Trent: Nixon’s here?
>Objective 1: Launch to space
>The Nomad Leader said "this is Nomad Alpha 16 to Nomad Beta 4 is your mission
>compleate"
King: If he’s the leader, how come he has such a crappy designation?
Juni: Union deal.
>then the Nomad Solo said "Yes Edision Trent has been controled"
Trent: No-one controls me!
King: (Number Six) I am not a number! I am a free man!
>then Nomad Leader said "ok you are Cleared to dock" Then Every one Starts >Shooting Every Body Else
Paulo: What, for docking?
King: I’d hate to see these guys when they get mad.
>exsept Goku and Terrence They use Ki energy "WARNING WARNING
Juni: (Author) MY CAPSLOCK KEY IS STUCK!
>SECTOR BREACHED BRING REINFORCEMENTS THESE PEOPLE ARE
>STRONG AND ARMED THEY ARE OURS WORKING WITH TRENT
>WARNING WARNING" Then Nomad Leader Said "so you think you can
>tri...augh"
Trent: Sounds like a good name for a roller coaster. Tri-Augh!
King: Triple the screams, triple the fun!
>Trent Said: JUNI!! KING!! ORILLION!!!
Juni: TESTSUOOOOOO!
Trent: KANEDAAAAAA!!!!!
Paulo: LEEEEEEEROY JEEEEEEEENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!
>What are you doing here? then Juni said "We didn't see you for so long that we went
>in space our selfs
Juni: That’s not a realistic portrayal…I wouldn’t come looking for you. *Smiles sweetly*
Trent: (sarcastic) Thanks…
King: Same here. *Smiles sweetly*
Trent: Okay; that was just creepy.
>then we saw a Nomad Bomber Base that Decloaked like it was offline and distroyed
Paulo: *rubs his head* But if it was destroyed, how did you see it…
Trent: *thwacks Paulo* Stop that! Remember the First Commandment. Thou shalt not repeat MSTing clichés.
>then We Heard the Alarm then we knew you where in there But you Where with a
>Nomad??"
King: (Trent) What is this? The third-degree?
Juni: (Juni) Where were you with a Nomad at nine o’clock yesterday evening?
>then trent said "yes this time someone just Zaped me again then they woke me up"
>then the Solo Nomad
Trent: Oops, did I just wipe out your whole species except you? Sorry about that.
>said "we can use this base as out own home base I can build a Cloaking device
Paulo: And then…
Trent: Is it over?
King: No more text is appearing.
Juni: We beat it!
Trent: Lets get out of here!
*They exit in reverse order*
SATTELITE OF LOVE:
“That wasn’t so bad,” Trent says as he sits back down at the table. The room has been magically restored to its pre-Juni state.
“Yes, except for the hideous spelling and grammar, the fact that nobody knows what a Terrence is, the plot that stunk like rotten eggs, and it just stopped without any sort of conclusion!” Juni looks like she is about to explode again, causing the others to back away quickly. However, she catches herself and instead sighs and sulks off to somewhere off-camera.
Paulo notices a light flashing on the table, and mentions it. “Looks like that Forrester guy is calling.” The wall behind them turns into a screen and the familiar face of Dr Forrester appears. He looks less than happy.
“So you weren’t driven insane,” he pouts, “never mind, I have plenty more where that came from!”
“Bring it on!” Trent stands up in front of the screen.
Forrester sighs. “Insolent little…” he mutters, “push the button Frank”
“Frank?” asks King.
“Frank!” Forrester yells at the empty lab behind him, “oh whatever” He pushes the button.
FWOOSH
Stinger:
>Then Trent Said What The??!?! A Nomad?? a Saiyan?? a Terrence???
For now, I have the one I originally wrote back a couple of years ago as a prologue of sorts. It's only had a few changes from the original version, so we'll see how I've changed when the first real one is finished. The characters are all from the game Freelancer, except for all MST3K related things, and Paulo who was created by me. This was written for a Freelancer fan board, so if you don't understand any jokes then that is probably the reason.
In retrospect, the fic I'm MSTing here was probably a troll fic, or was written by a 6-year old. I still can't figure out what the whole 'Terrence' thing is about. Anyway, enjoy. The first proper episode is currently being written.
MYSTERY FL THEATER 3000
EPISODE 0: “FREELANCER 2”
(A Freelancer/Dragonball/Terrence? Crossover MSTing)
By Sybot
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain characters, song titles, games, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc.... Freelancer is the property of Digital Anvil/Microsoft. "Freelancer 2" is the property of Zeta_Leader and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. This MSTing is rated PG.
(MST3K Love Theme)
In the very distant future,
About 3000 AD
There was this guy named Trent
Not too different from you or me
He worked for nobody but himself
Caring for little else but his wealth
He did a great job flying round the place,
But a villain didn’t like him
So he shot him into space!!!!
(Trent: But I was in space already!)
I'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst I can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and I'll monitor his mind (lalala)
Now keep in mind Trent can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To teleport in his friends;
HERO ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT!
(Smile please!)
PAULO!
(Why am I here?)
JUNI!
(I’ll kill him for this)
KIIIIIIIIIIING!!!
(I need a drink… )
If you’re wondering how Trent eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
It's just a MST
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY FL THEATER 3000!!!! (guitar twang)
SATELLITE OF LOVE:
A Hispanic man in his late teens/early twenties enters from the right. He is dressed in a Corsair flight suit. Crashing and banging noises, as well as yells can be heard coming from behind him. He notices the camera and looks at it.
“Oh, you must be Cambot,” he said, “from what that guy Trent said you are be transmitting live to the rest of the sector…” The realisation leaps onto his face like lightning. “I’m on TV!” He manages to stop himself from becoming too excited and looks back at the camera. “I guess you viewers want to know what’s happening? Fine then. I am Paulo Collazo, mighty pirate. Apparently this guy called Edison Trent, who needed us to help with something, brought us here. By us I mean me, a Kusari woman, and a Libertonian man” Suddenly a bald, moustachioed man, wearing an LSF uniform, runs in from the direction of the noises, briefly stops to look at the camera, then continues running off to the left, barely dodging a thrown piece of equipment. Paulo lets him pass, then continues.
“I think he said his name was Michael King. As for the Kusari woman, she’s the one kicking up all the fuss back there. Apparently she wasn’t too happy with Trent bringing all three of us here. Personally I don’t know why I’m here; they seem to know each other but I haven’t met any of them before” There is a thud and all the crashes and smashing abruptly stops. Paulo glances off to the right, grimaces, and then looks back to the camera. “We’ll be right back”
**COMMERCIAL**
Synth Foods Paste
Enjoy the delicious taste
So sugar free is our mush
You won’t even have to brush!
**END COMMERCIAL**
As the picture fades back in, we see Paulo and King sitting at the table with the aforementioned Trent, a blonde man in a brown jacket, and Jun’ko ‘Juni’ Zane, a Kusari woman in an LSF uniform. King is bandaging Trent’s head, while Paulo wisely sits between him and the still raging (albeit silently) Juni, preventing any further injury.
“OW!” Trent yelled, knocking King’s hands away as he did it.
“If you’d hold still, this would be done a long time ago… There!” He moves away to reveal Trent’s head wrapped up like a mummy.
“Great! Now I can’t see!” Trent stands up and stumbles off-camera. A short while later a clattering is heard.
“Anyway…” Paulo says when Trent returns, having completely thrown off the bandages, “does anybody know why we’re here?”
“I BELIEVE I CAN ANSWER THAT!” A loud booming voice filled the room and the wall behind the group lit up in static. They all turn just in time for the wall to become a viewscreen, showing a man in a starkly green lab coat with crazy hair, a moustache and green-rimmed glasses. “MY NAME IS…ahem…” his voice returns to normal levels “…my name is Dr Clayton Forrester, evil genius extraordinaire!”
“WHY HAVE YOU FORCED US HERE!” Juni screams. She gets off her chair, and then throws it at the viewscreen. Unfortunately it only bounces off.
“My dear,” Forrester continues with a smile, “you are here to participate in an experiment. In layman’s, i.e. your, terms, I will show you a piece of literature, and if it successfully drives you insane, I will use it to conquer the Sirius Sector! Mwahahahahahah!”
“We’ll never do it,” Paulo growls stubbornly with his arms crossed.
“Then you’ll sit it out without oxygen!” Forrester chuckles, reaching for a button out of sight.
“Fine! Fine!” Trent leaps up before Forrester can push it.
“Good. Now, my guinea pigs, get into that theatre because you have…FANFIC SIGN!!!” He cackles and switches off the viewscreen just before Juni can attack again with her chair.
“Now what?” asks King. Suddenly alarms and klaxons ring through the satellite and the lights all start flashing.
“Guess that answers your question,” Trent replies. They get together and grab Juni, then drag her through the door into the theatre.
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
*They enter the theatre and sit down in this order: King, Paulo, Trent, and Juni*
Trent: We can’t let that guy win, just play it cool.
Juni: *still angry* Grrrrrrrrr…
King: Hey, why are we talking like this now?
Paulo: Makes it easier on the eyes for the reader.
*CRASH*
King: What was that!
Paulo: Sounded like the fourth wall breaking, nothing important.
Trent: Shhh, it’s starting.
*The fic begins to scroll by on the theatre screen*
>Freelancer 2
Paulo: Let me guess…Revenge of the Nomads?
Juni: The Author gets what’s coming to him?
Trent: Trent finally gets paid?
King: King finally gets laid?
Others: 0_o
King: What!?
>The Intro Is When The Nomads Came Into a Secret System
Trent: Shhh! It’s a secret!
Paulo: (David Attenborough) Here, in the Secret System, a group of Nomads come to the watering hole.
>unknown to even their leader, This system was The Terrence System
Juni: What! What sort of name is that for a system! *swings a katana over her head*
Trent: Take it easy! *ducks katana*
King: And where’d that sword come from?
>Run by 2 secret factions, The Terrence Team and the Saiya-jins
All: KA - ME - HA - ME -HA!
>Thoe too teams wanted revenge because the last people that "owned"
Paulo: You mean ‘pwned’, surely.
Trent: WTF! I R teh l337 hx0r!
Juni: STFU!
Trent: N00B!
Juni: OMGWTFBBQ!
King: lol
>the sirus system did the same thing that happened to the Nomads so doese
King: This fic is making me ‘doese’
>teams teamed up to distroy the Exact thing that holds the Sirus System togeter,
Juni: Blu-tack?
Trent: String?
King: Duct tape?
Paulo: The Force?
>the core of it, The New York System
All: Oh.
Trent: Funny how a single system somehow single-handedly keeps an entire sector together.
>(3 Months Later)
King: (Author) Zzz…Huh! What! Oh sorry, I got so bored writing this I fell asleep.
>The Order Has Gotten Bored Since they had to wait
Trent: (Orillion in whiney kid voice) I don’t wanna wait! Gimme something to do!
>so most of them went in to check if the Nomads are doing good in there
Paulo: (Orillion) Hey Nomads, doing anything good? Not planning to conquer humanity I hope.
Juni: (Nomad) Of course not, just ignore the Battleship sneaking up behind you.
>because their scanners have picked up somthing unknown and weird then it looked
>like they where in a Jump Gate and then the next thing they know is alot of new
>ships, a Nomad Bomber, Someone Flying in space with a Yellow Arua Covering
>then Bang their in the Freelanceing World in the sky
Trent: Err…
King: If anyone could make sense of that last section, please tell us.
>Orillion Servived and went off to tell trent and the others
King: (Orillion) Trent! Good thing I found you! We’re under attack from Saiya-jins and some guys called Terrence!
Trent: Bwhahahahahahaha! … Oh wait, you’re serious.
>Mission 1:
>You start with a Anubis because you are part of the order
Juni: (Customer) I’d like to order a Trent Supreme please.
Trent: (Waiter) Certainly ma’am, any Hakkera Fries with that?
>Oriilion Comes and tells Trent What Happened And The Mission /is To Find The
>Cloaked Planet to find the cloak Device
Paulo: Good thing that ‘Orillion’ had already told him, or he might not have believed him.
Trent: Wait…where did this cloaked planet come from?
King: The same place Jacobi’s kidnapping did; left field.
>Part One, Getting Blowen Off By Nomads
King: Sounds fun.
Juni: King!
King: What?
Juni: There may be kids reading this!
King: Bite me!
>Part two, Nomads Still Coming
>Part 3, To To trade Lane
>Part 4: Distroy the Nomad Fleet
>Part 5: Dock
All: (signing) I'm just sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time…
>Mission 1 B:
>Part 1: Cloak
>Part 2: De Cloak And Fire Super Misspitos
Trent: (Salesman) That’s right! Misspitos! Guaranteed to NOT hit what you are aiming for!
Paulo: (Salesman) Buy now and get a discount on all Dodgssiles!
>Part 3: Blow Up The Nomad Base
>Par 4: Defend Juni
Trent: FORE!
King: I don’t think you’ll be able to score a hole-in-one there, Trent.
Juni: Why do I feel I should be stabbing you for that?
>Trent told Orillion that he distroyed their super base but Orillion said they are more
>but you have to get stronger
Trent: (singing) The hours approaching, just give it your best, you got to reach your prime.
Juni: (singing) That’s when you need to put yourself to the test, and show us a passage of time.
Paulo: (singing) Were going to need a MONTAGE!
>Because They have a whole other system from that hole you made and they have
>gotten stronger since last time
Trent: How conveeeeenient.
>Then Trent Said So When is the next guy who will somehow come here and show
>me an artifact...
Juni: (Trent) I thought I lost him when he ‘fell’ out of the airlock, but he’s just like a bad smell.
King: He keeps coming back?
Juni: No, he just has really bad BO.
Others: *groan*
>then sombody did have an artifact that had electisity and Red Arua around it
Trent: Another one! Why does everybody keep coming to me with these things, I’m not a freaking archaeologist!
>Mission 2:
>Orillion Wants Trent, Juni, and King to Come To Mannhation For a mission to
>distroy the Red Bomber and the fleet Shild Covering it
Paulo: (Red Bomber) If I can’t see you, you can’t see me!
>1: Run From The Saiya-jins
>2: Zap Their Heads Off
>3: Beat The Whole Terrence System Fleet
King: (Trent) With a name like that, they can’t win!
>4: Eat
>5: Use The Bathroom
Paulo: That reminds me…I think that’s our time for a break.
Trent: About time! *Tries to push past Juni*
Juni: Ah-ha! No you don’t! *The katana is now pointing at Trent’s stomach*
Trent: Okay! You first.
*They exit in reverse order*
SATELITE OF LOVE:
“And now we’re talking like this again!” King shouts as he enters the room.
“Don’t worry about it,” Paulo mutters.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Juni chips in. She certainly seems happier than before.
“I’m glad I got all of you to help me. That might have made me insane if you hadn’t been here,” Trent says, sounding relieved.
“Wait…” Juni’s smile slowly becomes a frown, “you only brought us here to stop yourself going crazy…” She slowly walks towards Trent. “TALK ABOUT SELFISH!”
“Er…calm down dear, its only a commercial” Trent backs into a wall while saying this. Paulo turns to the camera.
“You heard him Cambot, roll commercials” As the image fades screams of pain can be heard in the background.
**COMMERCIAL**
Starfliers!
The greatest ships in the universe!
Perfect for the budding Freelancer!
Satisfaction or you money back, guaranteed!
(Not a guarantee)
**END COMMERCIAL**
Fading in, we see the room in ruins; the walls scorched black and smoke pouring from damaged consoles. Paulo and King peek over the top of the table, the only thing still standing.
“Is it over,” King says quietly.
“I think so,” Paulo replies. A look of horror appears on his face when he looks offscreen to the left and he screams. “Ahhhhhhhh! Stay away!” Juni walks in from the left. However, she seems happy now.
“Don’t worry, I think I’ve vented my anger now,” she says with a grin. Trent walks in behind her, covered in bruises, his clothes ripped and half his hair and eyebrows burnt off.
“And not a moment to soon,” he groans, before coughing up a ball of string. Alarms and klaxons start with flashing lights throughout the satellite.
“No time to clean up, guys!” Paulo shouts, “We’ve got FANFIC SIGN!!”
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
*They enter the theatre and sit down in this order: King, Paulo, Trent, and Juni*
King: Feeling better Trent?
Trent: I think so…amazing how much good a scene change can do…Anyway. Recap time!
Paulo: The Nomads teamed up with some Saiya-jins and the Terrence Team, whatever the hell that is. Together they plotted to destroy the Sirius Sector by…attacking only New York.
Juni: The Order was bored, so they went and investigated. They bumped into the bad guys and something incomprehensible happened. Trent then got a briefing from Orillion, and his clone Oriilion.
King: Trent got an artifact that didn't serve any purpose to the plot, and then there were a bunch of fights with no clear plotline to link them.
Trent: (TV Announcer) And now…THE CONCLUSION!
*The fic begins to scroll by on the theatre screen*
>6: Sleep While Enimies Blow Your Ship Off
King: …
Juni: *holding katana menacingly* Not a word…
King: I’ll be quiet.
>7: Distroy The Red Bomber
>Mission 3:
>Anoter Mission To Distroy a Fleet So Orillion Knows This is The End
Trent: This fic will be The End of us!
>so He Will Help, Then Trent Goes Out Side
Juni: But he forgot his spacesuit, so he dies from the vacuum…
Trent: Feeling dark today, are we?
>and then almost gets blasted 16 times by a nomad and then some one comes out
>from nowhere then kicks him
Paulo: Arghh! But Nomads don’t have legs!!! ArrrrRRRR! *Paulo’s head explodes in a flash of pyrotechnics and he falls from his seat*
Others: Err…
King: Wonder if Megane 6.7 will sue for that?
*CRASH*
Juni: *sighs* There goes the fourth wall again…
Paulo: *comes back up, head intact* Never mind.
Trent: Glad the obligatory MSTing in-joke’s out of the way.
>in the sky then ran up to him but then trent smacks him
King: (Trent) You naughty, naughty boy!
Trent: 0_o
>back into the building then said NOT THIS TIME!!! Then sombody came and said
>"Zaker!" Then Trent Was Electrocuted Again.
Trent: Damn these cheap hairdryers!
>the next thing he knows is getting woken up by a Nomad, The Leader Of the >Terrence Team,
Juni: You know, this is the first fanfic I’ve read where I’ve had absolutely no idea what the HELL SOMETHING IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE! *Throws katana, but it just gets stuck in the screen*
>and the Strongest Saiyan, Goku. Then Trent Said What The??!?! A Nomad?? a >Saiyan?? a Terrence???
Trent: Oh, great job Juni. You caused the sentences to get fragmented.
>then the Nomad said You Can call me Solo
King: (Solo the Nomad) ‘Hands Solo’ Heh.
Juni: *glares*
Trent: Cool! When you said parsec, did you mean distance or time?
Paulo: Did you shoot first?
>then Terrence said that is my brothers name
Paulo: (TV Announcer) Terrence and the Nomad brothers that scorned him, tonight on Jerry Springer!
Juni: So Terrence is brother to a Nomad? Finally some hints to what he looks like!
>then Trent said so your here to help right?
King: (Terrence) Yes, even though we’ve been shooting each other since this story started.
>then they said yes then Trent said why does the weird stuff always happen to me...
>then the Nomad Solo said I have a plan to get passed the rest of the Nomads but it is
>Tricky
Trent: Nixon’s here?
>Objective 1: Launch to space
>The Nomad Leader said "this is Nomad Alpha 16 to Nomad Beta 4 is your mission
>compleate"
King: If he’s the leader, how come he has such a crappy designation?
Juni: Union deal.
>then the Nomad Solo said "Yes Edision Trent has been controled"
Trent: No-one controls me!
King: (Number Six) I am not a number! I am a free man!
>then Nomad Leader said "ok you are Cleared to dock" Then Every one Starts >Shooting Every Body Else
Paulo: What, for docking?
King: I’d hate to see these guys when they get mad.
>exsept Goku and Terrence They use Ki energy "WARNING WARNING
Juni: (Author) MY CAPSLOCK KEY IS STUCK!
>SECTOR BREACHED BRING REINFORCEMENTS THESE PEOPLE ARE
>STRONG AND ARMED THEY ARE OURS WORKING WITH TRENT
>WARNING WARNING" Then Nomad Leader Said "so you think you can
>tri...augh"
Trent: Sounds like a good name for a roller coaster. Tri-Augh!
King: Triple the screams, triple the fun!
>Trent Said: JUNI!! KING!! ORILLION!!!
Juni: TESTSUOOOOOO!
Trent: KANEDAAAAAA!!!!!
Paulo: LEEEEEEEROY JEEEEEEEENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!
>What are you doing here? then Juni said "We didn't see you for so long that we went
>in space our selfs
Juni: That’s not a realistic portrayal…I wouldn’t come looking for you. *Smiles sweetly*
Trent: (sarcastic) Thanks…
King: Same here. *Smiles sweetly*
Trent: Okay; that was just creepy.
>then we saw a Nomad Bomber Base that Decloaked like it was offline and distroyed
Paulo: *rubs his head* But if it was destroyed, how did you see it…
Trent: *thwacks Paulo* Stop that! Remember the First Commandment. Thou shalt not repeat MSTing clichés.
>then We Heard the Alarm then we knew you where in there But you Where with a
>Nomad??"
King: (Trent) What is this? The third-degree?
Juni: (Juni) Where were you with a Nomad at nine o’clock yesterday evening?
>then trent said "yes this time someone just Zaped me again then they woke me up"
>then the Solo Nomad
Trent: Oops, did I just wipe out your whole species except you? Sorry about that.
>said "we can use this base as out own home base I can build a Cloaking device
Paulo: And then…
Trent: Is it over?
King: No more text is appearing.
Juni: We beat it!
Trent: Lets get out of here!
*They exit in reverse order*
SATTELITE OF LOVE:
“That wasn’t so bad,” Trent says as he sits back down at the table. The room has been magically restored to its pre-Juni state.
“Yes, except for the hideous spelling and grammar, the fact that nobody knows what a Terrence is, the plot that stunk like rotten eggs, and it just stopped without any sort of conclusion!” Juni looks like she is about to explode again, causing the others to back away quickly. However, she catches herself and instead sighs and sulks off to somewhere off-camera.
Paulo notices a light flashing on the table, and mentions it. “Looks like that Forrester guy is calling.” The wall behind them turns into a screen and the familiar face of Dr Forrester appears. He looks less than happy.
“So you weren’t driven insane,” he pouts, “never mind, I have plenty more where that came from!”
“Bring it on!” Trent stands up in front of the screen.
Forrester sighs. “Insolent little…” he mutters, “push the button Frank”
“Frank?” asks King.
“Frank!” Forrester yells at the empty lab behind him, “oh whatever” He pushes the button.
FWOOSH
Stinger:
>Then Trent Said What The??!?! A Nomad?? a Saiyan?? a Terrence???