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You thought they were civilized

Posted: 2007-05-01 10:46pm
by Master of Cards
You thought They were civilized
My first writing attempt
Its about Alien reseachers and what they find

Tom, Harry and Larry gathered around the little device as they had done for 4 years wondering what it did. Tom drinking his Tea 2 sugars (don't you forget it) and Larry eating his bag of carrots walked around it like they did every morning looking at the small disc with a silvered side and a hard colored side showing what looked to be text with a picture in the background. The picture showed a Alien behind another one.
'Okay lets go over this again.”
“Where did we find it in the craft?”
“We found it in the back of the youngest aliens living area .”
“Don't forget Larry that it looked as if it was meant not to be found.” Tom chimed in on his cue as he had did everyday for years.
“It reflects red laser light in a pattern of on- off cuts burned into the disc.”
“It's 80 cm across.”
“Tom, what about that box you found the other day built into the wall of the spacecraft.”
“ Wait, wait, hey Bill how wide was that slot team SG found yesterday?”
“Tom it's 81 cm”.
“We got to get down there before they take out that wall.”
With that said all three including Larry with his carrots turned and ran out the door towards the hanger that containing the Ship (Roswell-1947). Tom was running as fast as he could, echoing behind him huffing and puffing was Harry. The sound of running echoing off the marble tile told others to stay out of the way because Area 52 normally had someone always running somewhere quickly. Tom ran down Hall A-a1d as fast as he could passing the retina scans flicked a beam of light into his eye confirming Thomas Edward Scissorhands could legally be in this part of the base and turning off the miniguns that if he wasn't allowed would cut him into tiny ribbons.
Tom ran into the hanger screaming, with the other two far behind.
“STOP!!!!!!!!!!”
The welders who were cutting down the frame of the ship little by little to let people like Tom study them looked u with annoyance flipping up the masks and staring at Tom and Larry.
“Sorry everyone but the two in Living quarters A-3 can start working again, terribly sorry” Tom darted to the catwalk around the burning glares of those, Tom and Harry had made shut down welding equipment that took over an hour to turn back on, but hey Break time!
Taking the steps two at a time, Tom jumped up the catwalks and into the bowels of the teardrop shaped living area.
The small room looked spartan and the walls were being cut off with arc torches with the burning welds glowing hot red from the abuse. . Tom looked to the left and saw the screen with its little slot under it. Tom picked up the disc and after a moment of thought just slid it in, it felt like little motors sucked it into the slot.
As Tom and Larry looked on with a held in breath, the video on the disc started. A slight whir could be heard with a slight POP and the screen flashed on, as some cheesy music came on and some rushed breaths came out of the speakers. Tom and Larry just looked at each other.
“You got to be joking Tom, This is all we have been working on? We thought it was a tech guide, a learning device but but its.. its ... this!”

Re: You thought they were civilized

Posted: 2007-05-01 10:54pm
by FedRebel
Very nice, researchers find an alien porno DVD :lol:

Master of Cards wrote: The sound of running echoing off the marble tile told others to stay out of the way because Area 52 normally had someone always running somewhere quickly.
I assume you're referring to Groom Lake (a.k.a. "Area 51")

Re: You thought they were civilized

Posted: 2007-05-01 10:55pm
by Master of Cards
FedRebel wrote:Very nice, researchers find an alien porno DVD :lol:

Master of Cards wrote: The sound of running echoing off the marble tile told others to stay out of the way because Area 52 normally had someone always running somewhere quickly.
I assume you're referring to Groom Lake (a.k.a. "Area 51")
No thats right, but going off the legend of Area 51.

Posted: 2007-05-01 11:00pm
by Bladed_Crescent
Are you looking for constructive criticism?

I'm not sure what else I can offer if not that, aside from a few basics: speech requires quotation marks and always proofread. Though if you enjoy writing, keep at it, even if it's only for your sake; like with anything else, practice is the only way to improve.

Posted: 2007-05-01 11:11pm
by Master of Cards
Bladed_Crescent wrote:Are you looking for constructive criticism?

I'm not sure what else I can offer if not that, aside from a few basics: speech requires quotation marks and always proofread. Though if you enjoy writing, keep at it, even if it's only for your sake; like with anything else, practice is the only way to improve.
Yeah this was kinda a fast write of an idea I had bouncing around, i'll edit it and put up an improved copy later or tomarrow.

Posted: 2007-05-01 11:15pm
by Bladed_Crescent
No worries. It's a pretty funny idea, but the formatting makes it rather hard to follow.

I remember what it's like to start writing, especially to put your works up for (shudder) public view. If, from time to time, you need a beta, my rates are very reasonable. :)

Edit: Dur. "A" beta. Me rite gud.

Posted: 2007-05-02 07:37pm
by Master of Cards
I left a few hints in the main body of text that it was a porno disc, can anyone find them?

Posted: 2007-05-02 08:10pm
by LadyTevar
Picture on Disk: One alien standing behind the other.

Found in room of "youngest alien", in area "not meant to be found".

That's what tipped me off :lol:

Posted: 2007-05-02 08:25pm
by Kuja
Not to mention the 'cheesy music' line.

Posted: 2007-05-02 09:03pm
by Master of Cards
LadyTevar wrote:Picture on Disk: One alien standing behind the other.

Found in room of "youngest alien", in area "not meant to be found".

That's what tipped me off :lol:
Yup those are the ones I was thinking of, Kuja that was the end, you were supposed to get it there.

Posted: 2007-05-02 09:47pm
by Kuja
That was the final confirmation.