MST4K Episode 17: Pokemon Christmas by Doctor Thinker
Posted: 2007-09-11 07:30pm
Hello all. It's been awhile since I last posted one of my archival fics to the site. Enjoy.
---------
Tim Jewett 06/30/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.
"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"
Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.
If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)
(Satellite of Lust. Not really any particular time. Just now)
Tim: Heya freakoids! Sorry It's late, but the censors only recently got through with reviewing this. After hearing their comments, I did what I always did, and sent out the UNedited version instead. Here's what happened three days ago. Yes folks, it took the censors THREE DAYS to get throught this. Anyways, here it is.
(SOL. End of June)
Graham: Guys, what are you doing in that Bunker?
Zoom: Tim's playing Tomb Raider.
Graham: SO?
Zoom: He was bored of the "game"
Graham: If you're saying what I think you're saying... There had better be more room in that there bunker!
Max: Sure. Pass the popcorn, wouldja Zoom?
(Inside the room O stuff)
Tim: Lesse, I've gone through all the games, and the movie, all that's left is the deathmatch with Lady Croft herself. (A bucket of Water drops down over Tim)
Lara: Shall we get Started?
Tim: Gladly. (They draw weapons. Lara a high powered shotgun, Tim and smaller Pistol, far more accurate. Tim decides to take the bouncing route lara Never could in the games, and hops from wall to wall, shooting until he is out of ammo. Lara does the same to the shotgun, and they draw swords kept at the side of the arena. They rush at each other, weapons drawn. Suddenly, The Alarm rings, Startling Laras, Tim uses this distraction to vault over her, spin in midiar, grab her by the most convienient handholds she has to offer, fling her into the wall, and leave. As he exits, he pauses)
Tim: Oh, So long, and Thanks for the Mammaries...
Graham: Okay, that was a long and drawn out excuse for a boob joke. Admit it.
Tim: I regret nothing.
(Outer room)
Tim: Hey, Simon and Garfunkle are buzzin'. Graham, get the invention!
Artlu: Hello. I have no invention this week. I had one for this week, but decided to make it even better than it was, so nothing here.
Tim: Mine's just something I've been putzing around with for a few years called the Translate-O-matic. It can take any input and instantly convert it into another language.
(He and Graham demonstrate with various languages)
Grahama: Say, Who's the guest?
Artlu: Mina, from Sailor Moon.
Tim: Oh, she can speak english. We don't need the Translator then. Put it back Graham. (Graham drags it offscreen) Oh, what's the fic.
Artlu: Just a Thinkerfic called "A Chri-"
Tim: GRAHAM, BRING IT BACK HERE!
Mina: Am I late?
Tim: Yep. Almost in time for the fic.
(The sirens wail as Tim, Mina, and Graham holding the tranlator, rush into the theatre)
(The door sequence is on vacation. Please bear with us)
Tim sits in the middle, Mina two seats two his right, and Graham two to his left.
Max: Let's get it on!
>It is me again.
All: AHHH!
Mina: Don't sneak up on us like that!
>The mad scienct of Sailor Moon
Graham: Scienct- a diminutive scientist.
Tim: I shall call him... Mini- Thinker!
>and Pokemon bad story writter.
Tim: If you say so, I'm not arguing...
>Samphoo ask for a neko,
Graham: Who's Samphoo?
Tim: Well, I do know that a guy named Mouse has an infatuation with her, and she's madly in love with a guy name Rama.
>which means cat, and Meowth's a cat.
Mina: No, really? I thought he was a dog!
>Washu attack for Christmas Pokemon story.
Tim: Hm... Washu... If you'll excuse me... I'm going to go temporarily psychotic and drool over Washu's fully adult form. EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
Mina: Is he like this often?
Graham: No, just when his libido's gone overdrive over a cute redhead...
Tim: Okay, I'm better now.
Mina: What exactly does "Washu attack for Christmas" mean?
Graham: Ummm, Washu tests out her latest invention on christmas, and...
Tim and Graham: (Singing) Oh, It's Christmas at ground Zero...
>I hope this will fit the bill, or not.
Mina: Huh?
Tim: I think he's saying he wants this thing MST'd...
>Sign
>Dr. Thinker
Graham: [This space for rent]
Tim: [Growf]
>=================================================
Mina: Wow, that's the worst Algebra problem I've ever seen!
>A Christmas Fit For A Pokemon
Tim: But made for killing digimon.
>A Pokemon Story Written by Dr. Thinker.
Graham: Is it even possible for statues to be given PHD's?
Mina: Apparently...
>Note 1: Ash Ketchum,
Graham: Has commited suicide after facing the harsh reality that he can never "Catch 'em all."
>his friends, his rivials, and his enemies
Tim: All own the basic equvalent of a platoon of heavy weaponry. Just a word of warning.
>are all owned by Nintendo Inc.; and 4Kids, Inc.
Graham: Doesn't that mean Nintendo supports slavery?
Tim: Well, if you think about it, Pokemon IS animal abuse.
>Note 2: Part of this story is based on Yellow Game Cart of Pokemon.
Mina: That part is the introduction, which you are now reading.
>In it, Gary has a Eeve that does what to use a stone
Mina: So it does What?
Graham: well, it has the name "Eeve" so, whatever it is, I hope it's nothing like that...
Tim: And Delia begat Ash, and Ash and Misty begat several times... And then they begat some more... and the next day, they decided to begat yet again...
>and it's the same story with Ash and his Pikachu.
Tim: Pokemon trainers and the pokemon that love them, today on Springer!
>Note 3: If you haven't watch the Pokemon eposides called "Abra
>and Pyshic Showdown"; "Tower of Terror"; "
All: TOUGH SHIT!
>*******************************************************
Mina: See how many you can catch on your tongue!
>Snow appears.
Tim: That's snow cream!
>Ash Ketchum and his friends saw a blue winter coat.
Graham: It was walking all by itself.
Tim: So Felicia owns it?
Graham: Or you.
Tim: Whatever.
>"Look at what Santa Claus bought me!" said Gary.
All: CHA-CHING!
>"It's only Dec 20, according to my Pokedex, Gary.
Graham: What happen?
>Claus doesn't into Dec. 24 mostly likely 12:00.." stated Ash.
Tim: Someone set up us the bomb.
Mina: We get signal.
Graham: What!
>"This section of Pokemon world acts like Sweden." stated Gary.
Mina: Main screen turn on
Graham: It's you!!
>"So it's start on Dec. 9."
Tim: How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
Graham: What you say!!
>"Wrong. I think you miss it", Ash stated.
Tim: You have no chance to survive, make your time. HA HA HA HA....
>"Sweden's starts on Dec. 15.
Graham: Take off every zig!
>Anywhy, are you up to battle. Gary?"
Mina: You know what you doing.
>"Yes" answered Gary. "Go Eeve!"
All: Move zig. FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
Tim: Zero Wing. Mock it today...
>A head of small brown dog-like Pokemon pops up from the snow
>covered hill near Gary.
Tim: I'm gonna HAVE to nitpick here. Eevee is a cat!!!
Mina: But this is "Eeve"...
Tim: Good point... Nevermind.
>"Oh, I forget that you were out all ready." laughed Gary
Tim: Well, supposedly Eve and Lilith did have sex while Adam stood on...
Graham: Did you just suggest that "Eeve" came out of the closet?
>as Eeve shake off the rest of snow that was stuck on it.
>Eeve's snow shaking make a snow-pokemon in a Eeve shape. Gary
>and Ash share a laugh.
Mina: Now, now, don't fight over the laugh, boys...
>Ash command "GO! PIKACHU!"
Graham: Quinn command "DIE! AUTHOR!"
Quinn: I get to kill something?
>A yellow mouse appears with long thunder-like tail. This is Pikachu.
Quinn: Damn, and I thought I'd get a cameo!
(Quinn sulks below the seats)
>Gary command "Tackle Attack"
Mina: So where's this attack thingy so I can tackle it?
>Eeve run and jump on to Pikachu,
Tim: HEY! This isn't GS! They can't do that yet!
>but Pikachu dodge the attack.
All: Well, DUH.
>Ash shouted "Pikachu! Thunder!"
Graham: Graham shouted "Tim! Missile launcher!"
Tim: With pleasure.
>Pikachu shine like a Christmas tree light. From his check,
Mina: Well, at least the animals are getting paid for doing this...
Graham: Pokemon or a thinkerfic?
Mina: Ummm, yes.
>Pikachu shoots his "Thunder" attack. Which nuke Gary's Eeve.
Tim: But can it nuke me some lunch?
>"You have see the last of me!" Gary stated.
Mina: Wow, he gave up EASY!
>Ash check his hood of this red coat.
Graham: I'm Bob Vila and welcome to this red coat.
>"Dec. 20. Only 4 days into Christmas. Any present, othen a bike?"
Tim: How about Adult Skuld?
Graham: She's the goddes of the Future, not Present.
Tim: But the future is but a present to be...
Mina: Are you talking philosophy or hentai?
>"Water Pokemon." laughed Misty who wearing a pink coat. "That's
>how I get Stormie."
Tim: (old seadog) Looks like the weather's gonna be Starmie tonight, boys...
>"Hey! Cousin" remark young girl about the same age as Misty.
Graham: Okay, I'll mark her up thirty percent.
>"To bad the snow's to deep here or I would have battle you rivial here."
Mina: WHAT? Graham, check the translate-O-matic!
Graham: It's... It's... It's trying to install Windows 95 onto itself.
Tim: BUT IT HAS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!!
Mina: Did YOU understand what she just said, Tim?
Tim: Huh? Oh, sure. "Too bad the snow's too deep, or I'd get a chance to battle your rival", whomever THAT is.
>"Rivails? Who? Crystral?" asked Misty quickly.
Mina: Either My english isn't as good as I thought it was or Thinker just made a line worthy of a dubbed episode...
>"Him" Crystral replied as she pointed to Ash.
Graham: (pointing to Mina) Her.
>"Oh." Misty remarks.
Tim: Please, just once, STOP SWITCHING TENSES!
>"Ash and Brock meet Crystral, Crystral meet Ash and Brock."
Mina: Well, aren't you going to introduce US?
>"I was hoping you will stop by my house. I'm hope you not a
>scoorges at cats."
Tim: Okay, "Scoorges". Even I'M at a loss here.
>"Why?" ask Ash
Graham: Are we being written this badly?
>"I'm giver of neko-like pokemon, Japanese for cats."
Mina: If Ash doesn't know Japanese, then what language has he been speaking this entire time?
Tim: Scrantonese.
Graham: For that matter, what language have YOU been speaking in the translated version?
Tim: Accentless British.
>"I'm heard about her on web. It not as popular as Susan's web-
>site." Brock stated. "But she still hogs the internet bandwith
Graham: Wow, I, Like, Totally swear that wasn't a shameless plug!
>like over thousand visits per week. Her home is in Saffon City."
Tim: Yes, she lives ove in Saffon city and ights wongs with he cat like pokemon like Aba and Pesian!
>"Yes. Guess what. The Gym Leader is allow me and my cat pokemon
>to stay at her location."
Graham: It's kinda too bad we've already used our Zero wing reference today...
>"Sabriana. I wonder how she's doing lately. I wonder if Haunter
>is doing Ok?"
Mina: Hey, I just thought of something. Is it possibly for ghost pokemon to die?
Tim: Well, according to GS, they're able to give birth, so...
>"Hey! He's the sleigh that Sabriana that told me that her father
>will be sending."
Graham: Hey, Magigician Trent's loose in the pokeverse! And he's randomly turning people into slieghs!
Tim: Only at christmas. Otherwise they would've been turned into a wisassed taxi.
---------
Tim Jewett 06/30/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.
"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"
Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.
If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)
(Satellite of Lust. Not really any particular time. Just now)
Tim: Heya freakoids! Sorry It's late, but the censors only recently got through with reviewing this. After hearing their comments, I did what I always did, and sent out the UNedited version instead. Here's what happened three days ago. Yes folks, it took the censors THREE DAYS to get throught this. Anyways, here it is.
(SOL. End of June)
Graham: Guys, what are you doing in that Bunker?
Zoom: Tim's playing Tomb Raider.
Graham: SO?
Zoom: He was bored of the "game"
Graham: If you're saying what I think you're saying... There had better be more room in that there bunker!
Max: Sure. Pass the popcorn, wouldja Zoom?
(Inside the room O stuff)
Tim: Lesse, I've gone through all the games, and the movie, all that's left is the deathmatch with Lady Croft herself. (A bucket of Water drops down over Tim)
Lara: Shall we get Started?
Tim: Gladly. (They draw weapons. Lara a high powered shotgun, Tim and smaller Pistol, far more accurate. Tim decides to take the bouncing route lara Never could in the games, and hops from wall to wall, shooting until he is out of ammo. Lara does the same to the shotgun, and they draw swords kept at the side of the arena. They rush at each other, weapons drawn. Suddenly, The Alarm rings, Startling Laras, Tim uses this distraction to vault over her, spin in midiar, grab her by the most convienient handholds she has to offer, fling her into the wall, and leave. As he exits, he pauses)
Tim: Oh, So long, and Thanks for the Mammaries...
Graham: Okay, that was a long and drawn out excuse for a boob joke. Admit it.
Tim: I regret nothing.
(Outer room)
Tim: Hey, Simon and Garfunkle are buzzin'. Graham, get the invention!
Artlu: Hello. I have no invention this week. I had one for this week, but decided to make it even better than it was, so nothing here.
Tim: Mine's just something I've been putzing around with for a few years called the Translate-O-matic. It can take any input and instantly convert it into another language.
(He and Graham demonstrate with various languages)
Grahama: Say, Who's the guest?
Artlu: Mina, from Sailor Moon.
Tim: Oh, she can speak english. We don't need the Translator then. Put it back Graham. (Graham drags it offscreen) Oh, what's the fic.
Artlu: Just a Thinkerfic called "A Chri-"
Tim: GRAHAM, BRING IT BACK HERE!
Mina: Am I late?
Tim: Yep. Almost in time for the fic.
(The sirens wail as Tim, Mina, and Graham holding the tranlator, rush into the theatre)
(The door sequence is on vacation. Please bear with us)
Tim sits in the middle, Mina two seats two his right, and Graham two to his left.
Max: Let's get it on!
>It is me again.
All: AHHH!
Mina: Don't sneak up on us like that!
>The mad scienct of Sailor Moon
Graham: Scienct- a diminutive scientist.
Tim: I shall call him... Mini- Thinker!
>and Pokemon bad story writter.
Tim: If you say so, I'm not arguing...
>Samphoo ask for a neko,
Graham: Who's Samphoo?
Tim: Well, I do know that a guy named Mouse has an infatuation with her, and she's madly in love with a guy name Rama.
>which means cat, and Meowth's a cat.
Mina: No, really? I thought he was a dog!
>Washu attack for Christmas Pokemon story.
Tim: Hm... Washu... If you'll excuse me... I'm going to go temporarily psychotic and drool over Washu's fully adult form. EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
Mina: Is he like this often?
Graham: No, just when his libido's gone overdrive over a cute redhead...
Tim: Okay, I'm better now.
Mina: What exactly does "Washu attack for Christmas" mean?
Graham: Ummm, Washu tests out her latest invention on christmas, and...
Tim and Graham: (Singing) Oh, It's Christmas at ground Zero...
>I hope this will fit the bill, or not.
Mina: Huh?
Tim: I think he's saying he wants this thing MST'd...
>Sign
>Dr. Thinker
Graham: [This space for rent]
Tim: [Growf]
>=================================================
Mina: Wow, that's the worst Algebra problem I've ever seen!
>A Christmas Fit For A Pokemon
Tim: But made for killing digimon.
>A Pokemon Story Written by Dr. Thinker.
Graham: Is it even possible for statues to be given PHD's?
Mina: Apparently...
>Note 1: Ash Ketchum,
Graham: Has commited suicide after facing the harsh reality that he can never "Catch 'em all."
>his friends, his rivials, and his enemies
Tim: All own the basic equvalent of a platoon of heavy weaponry. Just a word of warning.
>are all owned by Nintendo Inc.; and 4Kids, Inc.
Graham: Doesn't that mean Nintendo supports slavery?
Tim: Well, if you think about it, Pokemon IS animal abuse.
>Note 2: Part of this story is based on Yellow Game Cart of Pokemon.
Mina: That part is the introduction, which you are now reading.
>In it, Gary has a Eeve that does what to use a stone
Mina: So it does What?
Graham: well, it has the name "Eeve" so, whatever it is, I hope it's nothing like that...
Tim: And Delia begat Ash, and Ash and Misty begat several times... And then they begat some more... and the next day, they decided to begat yet again...
>and it's the same story with Ash and his Pikachu.
Tim: Pokemon trainers and the pokemon that love them, today on Springer!
>Note 3: If you haven't watch the Pokemon eposides called "Abra
>and Pyshic Showdown"; "Tower of Terror"; "
All: TOUGH SHIT!
>*******************************************************
Mina: See how many you can catch on your tongue!
>Snow appears.
Tim: That's snow cream!
>Ash Ketchum and his friends saw a blue winter coat.
Graham: It was walking all by itself.
Tim: So Felicia owns it?
Graham: Or you.
Tim: Whatever.
>"Look at what Santa Claus bought me!" said Gary.
All: CHA-CHING!
>"It's only Dec 20, according to my Pokedex, Gary.
Graham: What happen?
>Claus doesn't into Dec. 24 mostly likely 12:00.." stated Ash.
Tim: Someone set up us the bomb.
Mina: We get signal.
Graham: What!
>"This section of Pokemon world acts like Sweden." stated Gary.
Mina: Main screen turn on
Graham: It's you!!
>"So it's start on Dec. 9."
Tim: How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
Graham: What you say!!
>"Wrong. I think you miss it", Ash stated.
Tim: You have no chance to survive, make your time. HA HA HA HA....
>"Sweden's starts on Dec. 15.
Graham: Take off every zig!
>Anywhy, are you up to battle. Gary?"
Mina: You know what you doing.
>"Yes" answered Gary. "Go Eeve!"
All: Move zig. FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
Tim: Zero Wing. Mock it today...
>A head of small brown dog-like Pokemon pops up from the snow
>covered hill near Gary.
Tim: I'm gonna HAVE to nitpick here. Eevee is a cat!!!
Mina: But this is "Eeve"...
Tim: Good point... Nevermind.
>"Oh, I forget that you were out all ready." laughed Gary
Tim: Well, supposedly Eve and Lilith did have sex while Adam stood on...
Graham: Did you just suggest that "Eeve" came out of the closet?
>as Eeve shake off the rest of snow that was stuck on it.
>Eeve's snow shaking make a snow-pokemon in a Eeve shape. Gary
>and Ash share a laugh.
Mina: Now, now, don't fight over the laugh, boys...
>Ash command "GO! PIKACHU!"
Graham: Quinn command "DIE! AUTHOR!"
Quinn: I get to kill something?
>A yellow mouse appears with long thunder-like tail. This is Pikachu.
Quinn: Damn, and I thought I'd get a cameo!
(Quinn sulks below the seats)
>Gary command "Tackle Attack"
Mina: So where's this attack thingy so I can tackle it?
>Eeve run and jump on to Pikachu,
Tim: HEY! This isn't GS! They can't do that yet!
>but Pikachu dodge the attack.
All: Well, DUH.
>Ash shouted "Pikachu! Thunder!"
Graham: Graham shouted "Tim! Missile launcher!"
Tim: With pleasure.
>Pikachu shine like a Christmas tree light. From his check,
Mina: Well, at least the animals are getting paid for doing this...
Graham: Pokemon or a thinkerfic?
Mina: Ummm, yes.
>Pikachu shoots his "Thunder" attack. Which nuke Gary's Eeve.
Tim: But can it nuke me some lunch?
>"You have see the last of me!" Gary stated.
Mina: Wow, he gave up EASY!
>Ash check his hood of this red coat.
Graham: I'm Bob Vila and welcome to this red coat.
>"Dec. 20. Only 4 days into Christmas. Any present, othen a bike?"
Tim: How about Adult Skuld?
Graham: She's the goddes of the Future, not Present.
Tim: But the future is but a present to be...
Mina: Are you talking philosophy or hentai?
>"Water Pokemon." laughed Misty who wearing a pink coat. "That's
>how I get Stormie."
Tim: (old seadog) Looks like the weather's gonna be Starmie tonight, boys...
>"Hey! Cousin" remark young girl about the same age as Misty.
Graham: Okay, I'll mark her up thirty percent.
>"To bad the snow's to deep here or I would have battle you rivial here."
Mina: WHAT? Graham, check the translate-O-matic!
Graham: It's... It's... It's trying to install Windows 95 onto itself.
Tim: BUT IT HAS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!!
Mina: Did YOU understand what she just said, Tim?
Tim: Huh? Oh, sure. "Too bad the snow's too deep, or I'd get a chance to battle your rival", whomever THAT is.
>"Rivails? Who? Crystral?" asked Misty quickly.
Mina: Either My english isn't as good as I thought it was or Thinker just made a line worthy of a dubbed episode...
>"Him" Crystral replied as she pointed to Ash.
Graham: (pointing to Mina) Her.
>"Oh." Misty remarks.
Tim: Please, just once, STOP SWITCHING TENSES!
>"Ash and Brock meet Crystral, Crystral meet Ash and Brock."
Mina: Well, aren't you going to introduce US?
>"I was hoping you will stop by my house. I'm hope you not a
>scoorges at cats."
Tim: Okay, "Scoorges". Even I'M at a loss here.
>"Why?" ask Ash
Graham: Are we being written this badly?
>"I'm giver of neko-like pokemon, Japanese for cats."
Mina: If Ash doesn't know Japanese, then what language has he been speaking this entire time?
Tim: Scrantonese.
Graham: For that matter, what language have YOU been speaking in the translated version?
Tim: Accentless British.
>"I'm heard about her on web. It not as popular as Susan's web-
>site." Brock stated. "But she still hogs the internet bandwith
Graham: Wow, I, Like, Totally swear that wasn't a shameless plug!
>like over thousand visits per week. Her home is in Saffon City."
Tim: Yes, she lives ove in Saffon city and ights wongs with he cat like pokemon like Aba and Pesian!
>"Yes. Guess what. The Gym Leader is allow me and my cat pokemon
>to stay at her location."
Graham: It's kinda too bad we've already used our Zero wing reference today...
>"Sabriana. I wonder how she's doing lately. I wonder if Haunter
>is doing Ok?"
Mina: Hey, I just thought of something. Is it possibly for ghost pokemon to die?
Tim: Well, according to GS, they're able to give birth, so...
>"Hey! He's the sleigh that Sabriana that told me that her father
>will be sending."
Graham: Hey, Magigician Trent's loose in the pokeverse! And he's randomly turning people into slieghs!
Tim: Only at christmas. Otherwise they would've been turned into a wisassed taxi.