StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Tim Jewett 06/30/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.

"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"

Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.

If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)

(Satellite of Lust, approximately three clicks left of the rainbow)
Graham: AAAAAAUUGGGGHHH!
Tim: Calm down. I know what I'm doing.
Graham: Does the wall we're about to crash into know that?
Tim: Well, I told it, if that's any reassurance... Now where the hell'd I put that Dark Hold?
Graham: We're slamming into a wall at 250 miles an hour and we're gonna die!
Tim: Here it is! (Time stops when the car is .0001 millimeters from the wall)
Graham: Are we dead yet?
Tim: No, and we've set a new record!
Max: Hey, stop trying to kill yourselves and get out here. Ole Smoky's callin's again.

(The Outer room)
Tim: Hiya Artlu! What's on the menu for today?

(Shallow Twelve)
Artlu: First off, I'm cancelling all further invention exchanges on my side. It's too hectic making one for everytime I find a fic for you to MST. Anyways, Today's piece is an incredibly stupid Sailor Moon SI fic with a lemon scene, and believe it or not, it isn't an Oscarfic this time! Now, what did you bozos make?

(Sol)
All: PHEW!
Tim: Send it on up. I'm ready to take on this beast! Anyways, I didn't make one this week. Instead Max and Quinn made one up. They were reading Megane's MST'ings and got this idea from one of his invention exchanges. It's Quinn and Max's 2000 inch TV!
Artlu: That's skirting dangerously close to Megane's invention...
Quinn: Like Fuck it is! While Frank's version was for communication of sitcoms to aliens, ours is for communication of PORN to EARTH! It's out ultimate goal to get people to fucking accept porn and everything about it, and accept their own damn bodies as well.
Max: Hell, humans shouldn't be friggin ashamed of their bodies!
Tim: Anyways, I guess this may be the last one for awhiles, as I'm tapped for ideas and don't want to waste the effort to make any. Oh well...
(Sirens wail and they enter the theatre)

(The door sequence is on vacation. Please bear with us)
Tim sits in the middle, Max two seats two his right, and Graham two to his left.
Max: Let's get it on!

>*R*P*M*

Max: Revolutions per minute?
Tim: Something tells me this fic is gonna go in circles, guys...

>Prologue 2

>Sam Burke was in dire straits.

Graham: And the Author was in a Straight Jacket!

>He was stuck in Japan,

Max: Having fallen into a tarpit. The end.
Tim: We could only be so lucky...

>where everyone called him "Guy-jin" or something.

Tim: Altogether now, then...
All: "GUY-JIN!"
Max: Or something!

>It was a few years after he had lost Twitch.
>After losing another partner to crime, he had decided to leave New
>York for a while.

Tim: So you replace One set of slimy disgusting monsters for another, even worse set?
Graham: I thought he was leaving New York.
Tim: Actually, if this is in the Marvel/Imageverse, I can understand why.
Graham: Marvel/Imageverse?
Tim: Sure. Gen-X and Gen 13 are more than proof enough for that. Hell, they met on vacation several times. The Image world and the Marvel one coincide. Spawn could Run into Venom any day now, actually. As for getting out of New York City... I beleive it was Spidy who once said "You can't spit without hitting a superhero in New York" or words to that effect.

>That old fart, Cog, had only shook his head and said, "You'll be back."
>Like that meant anything.

Max: It meant "One day, you will return, Otherwise, you'll be trapped in a stupid SI fic."

>Sam had tracked a suspect named Flynn to here.

Max: He tracked him to the satellite?
Tim: Glad I locked down the weapon controls...

>You could name the case as a conspiracy theory,

Graham: Or you could name it Susan!
Max: Susan the Beholder?
Graham: No, Just Susan.
Tim: So, I um, attempt to poke Susan with my rubber tipped Sword...
Max: These new rules may need some revising...

>but it was the only thing he had going at the time and decided to follow it.

Tim: (Singing) Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road. Follow follow follow-
Max: AAAGH! STOP!

>Sam had also heard of an urban myth, one about magical girls that fought

Max: CHARMED? WOOHOO!

>with the power of love or some shit like that.

Tim: Wedding Peach?
Graham: Huh?
Tim: Oh, You'd love it. Marriage Sailor moon. Before converting to mobile mode, their battle outfits are wedding dresses. VERY Nutso.

>It sounded a little too much like the spice girls fad from last year,

Tim: Not really, no... Especially considering that the scouts were out WAY before them Brits.

>but after all that business with Spawn, however, it didn't seem so bad.

Graham: The Spice girls? or the Sailors?

>Not compared to guys who ripped mafia hitmen's hearts out.

Tim: That's a bad thing, I take it?

>And so now here he was, in Tokyo, looking for the guy who may have
>instigated the whole damn media mess that had been the presidential sex
>scandal a few years ago.

All: Flynn is Linda Tripp?
Tim: So she and Janet Reno are men?
Max: I thought Reno was more than obvious.

>Why Flynn did what he did was obvious:

Tim: He's more sociopathic than Bun-Bun!

>he had all the markings of an abused child. Sam didn't care much for
>that.

Tim: Random comments. I expect a LOT of those will be showing up in this fic...

>He knew from years of experience that child abuse was a curse passed
>down from abuser to abused, and that sometimes the only cure was a bullet.

Max: CAN I BE THE DOCTOR? I WANNA BE THE ONE TO CURE FLYNN!

>But that was the least mysterious of the case he had on this guy.
>For one thing, he moved like he wasn't human. He had to.

Graham: Do the dinosaur?
Max: Walk like an Egyptian?
Tim: Do the safety dance??

>After using up all his favors and using a couple that _weren't_ his,

Max: Borrowing favors from your aunt Ethel... That's sad.

>he had gotten a file on how he had escaped custody.

Tim: Okay, so what's on second?
Max: Flynn, I think.

>According to the file, the agents sent to patrol him were massacred.

Tim: And a patrol has anything to do with his escape HOW?...

>The thing of it was that both had gotten off at least a full clip
>each; and there was a lot of Flynn's blood on the wall.

Tim: Red... Rum.

>But the psycho still managed to kill them and be out of there within 5
>minutes.

Max: Guarunteed or your money back!

>When looking for the deceased agents' files, there was nothing.

Graham: This Soldier does not exist...
Tim: (Makoto) NO! Now I've never met him when I was battling Godzilla! No, I couldn't have met him, he never existed. It's just too horrible to comprehend!
Max: Enough of that particular Soldier 2 reference.

>And, Sam had found a bug on his car 2 days later.

All: SPLAT!

>The whole thing smelled coverup.

Tim: Has my deoderant gone funky again?
Max: Yes, but that's beside the point.

>When Sam Burke added all the other info he had gathered to it,

All: WHAT INFO?
Graham: Didn't he just tell us he had nothing?

>it all stank of government conspiracy, the kind of stuff
>even A-6 didn't even handle.

Tim: Wow, my deoderant HAS gone funky!
Max: Well, what about MI-6?
Graham: Or division 6?
Tim: Or, better yet, Agent 86! He could handle Flynn! EASY!
Graham: I'll bet that comment has to "Smart".

>And the only way he could prove anything was to find this killer.
>Sam took a bite out of his huge sub,

Tim: Diesel or Nuclear?

>silently wished those magical girls luck, and waited for the victims to
>start piling up.

Graham: Now everyone, when you die, please try and collapse onto someone else so we can have neat orderly piles of dead people...

>Chapter 1

Max: Shouldn't we have a Prologue one?
Tim: This suggests to me that the Author is skipping a few things in this fic.
Graham: Like what?
Tim: Plot, for one.

>It was a beautiful sunny day in Tokyo. At the mall, a group of friends
>ate lunch and watched the people skate on the skating rink a level down.

Graham: A skating rink, in a mall? Wow, the japanese have outdone themselves this time...

>Usagi looked at her friends(altogether; Usagi, Ami, Mamoru, and Makoto)

Max: Fucking each others brains out!

>fondly, and took a huge bite out of her food. Makoto bigsweated.

Tim: Then got distracted as the guy she could barely see three hundred feet away reminded her so damn much of her boyfriend!

>"Um, Usagi-san, don't finish that all in one bite."

Tim: Resisting urge... to make Hentai comment involving Tuxy...

><what a great day,> she thought.

Max: A sailor scout thinking? How soon till Ragnarok?
Graham: Oh shut up, It's not for another month or two. Besides we're above the earth, we can't be touched!

><Friends with me, a sunny day, and I'm even getting used to being
>a superheroine. Maybe, everything is finally going to be alright from now
>on.>

All: YEAH RIGHT!

>******************************&**&&**&&**&&**&*******
>****************************

Tim: That is one very long string of censored profanity...

>"Okay, this is it. I want Sytiracon's group to cover any and all exits.

Graham: As opposed to the Every and None exits on the other side of the mall.

>The rest of you, cover Joel while he sets the charges.
>_I_ will take care of any, heheh, opposition."

Max: I just bet you will...

>The person who spoke this to his small army was wearing civilian
>clothes: a Korn T-shirt and some baggy jeans.

Tim: I'm sure villanous apparel is REALLY important to the storyline.
Max: WHAT storyline?

>His forehead had a tattoo of a blood-red upside down crescent on his
>forehead, however, and it had red teardrops running down to his eyebrows.

Tim: Great... another Negamooner... Joy.

>He had blond hair and bluish-green eyes that were rapidly glowing
>dark emerald , changing back, and pulsing again, which showed just
>how excited he was.

Tim: When My eyes glow, It means I'm ready to kill something.
Graham: Like an Author.
Max: ESPECIALLY an author.

>For today, he would strike back at that queen bitch Serenity,

All: WOOF!

>which had tormented him so long, saying that it was to "heal"
>him. What bullshit! And to top it off, she had left him to die during the
>black moon crisis.

Max: Wouldn't he have WANTED her to leave him alone? Even if it was only because she thought he was dead?
Tim: I think the Author isn't running on all his cylinders...

>But now, it was payback time. He had escaped after a painfully long time,
>and had trained offplanet.

Graham: If he starts using Kayoken and pulling Kamehameha's I'M gonna kill this author!

>Through a lot of work, he had gotten all he needed,

Max: Sixty five bucks!

>not to mention that his family was sure happy to see him home 2 weeks
>later in _their_ time.

Max: As opposed to Greenwhich Meridian Standard time.

>Sytiracon, a dark-haired, stocky and well built man with a collar around
>his neck, stepped forward."

Tim: Oh, so we don't get a fashion report on this guy too?

>Sir, I would rather lead the attack alongside you.""Why? So you can stab
>me in the back?

Tim: Gotta pretty damn limber to stab someone in the back when you're standing to their side...

>No, I know you too well for that, my slave_," the hell-bent commander
>sneered.

Graham: Hey, Flynn's a homo! He keeps male slaves!

>Sytiracon attempted to control himself and suppress the urge to rip out his
>throat.

Tim: Here's a sugestion, rip out the commander's instead.

><He DARES call me slave!!!> The people of his race never, under any
>circumstances, called another slave.

Graham: Which might mean something if we gave a crap.

>The slave-collar, now encircling _his_ neck,

Max: As opposed to _His_ neck...

>prevented him from polymorphing into his true form,

All: RUSH LIMBAUGH!

>and the elf-stone in his heart let the hell-spawn practically give him a
>heart attack whenever he wanted.

Graham: ELF STONE? Tim, He's disreputing the Elvenbane series!
Tim: I doubt it's the same elf-stone, but it IS a reason to kill the author. Make a note of it, Max.
Max: Sure thing, Oh Psychotic one.

>And he had done that as well, as sadistically curious as a child ripping
>the wings of a fly, bringing him to the edge of death.

All: (Singing)
Oh some times I think back to when I was younger
life was so much simpler then
Dad would be up at dawn, he'd be watering the lawn
or maybe going fishing again

Oh and mom would be fixing up something in the kitchen
fresh biscuits or hot apple pie
and I'd spend all day long in the basement
torturing rats with a hack-saw and pulling the wings off of flies

>Sytiracon stepped back, his eyes promising revenge, while the accursed
>demon's eyes followed his, mockingly.

Tim: To Kill a Mocking Demon...

>"Well, now that that's in order,"

Graham: Let's kill ourselves!

>the hellspawn known as Flynn said after Sytiracon withdrew,"
>Go out there and have fun! Kill as many civilians as you want, we're
>gonna bomb the place anyway,

Tim: With what, this fic?
Max: I hear this fic isn't allowed within two miles of any airport.
Graham: He's a HELLSPAWN? I'm not sure who's insulted more. Sailor moon or Spawn, by having this freak be a negamooner...
Tim: Hehe... the Negamooners.. "One of these days Zoicite, right to tha moon!"

>but leave the Sailors to me.

Graham: Didn't Artlu say this was an SI with a lemon?
Tim: Yes. We kill the Author. That, and those words, are more than enough reason.

>Now, let's go!!!!!!"

Tim: TO THE BATHROOM!

>He followed his men out, practically quivering with anticipation.

Graham: Premature...
Tim: Ejaculatory...
Max: Disorder.

><I always looooove killing peoples, heehee!>

All: GOOD FOR YOU!

>**************************&&&*****&&&*******&&&***
>*&&&*****&&&*******************

Tim: Author cusses more than I do!
Max: He stutters when he swears too. See, he said "and" three times before each new word.

>Usagi felt something tap her shoulder. It was Makoto.
>"Usagi, there are people -with guns- at the doorways. We better transform."
>Usagi took a quick glance and nodded, numbly.

Graham: Sure, give the guys PLENTY of time to find you and gun you down while you transform!

>Any minute now, someone would see the thugs, start screaming, and they
>would have a situation on their hands.

Tim: Just like EVERY episode!

>And someone did notice, as they all quietly snuck off to whatever
>secluded corners they could find.

Max: If this is where the Lemon scene comes in, that I can live with.

>And, in mid-transformation, they began to hear, at first one solitary
>scream, gunfire, and more horrible screams, and just as horrible
>gunfire......................

Tim: And even more repitive narration to boot.
Graham: The horror!

>********************&&&&******&&&&******&&&&******
>***&&&&***********************

Max: I know your fic sucks and all, but stop cursing it so much. That's OUR JOB!

>While the thugs picked off anybody that they thought might become a
>problem, Joel and his two guards set pipebombs on walls.

Max: When MST'ers go bad...
Graham: Is it possible we might go bad and they'd do a story like that on us?
Tim: No.
Max: Why not?
Tim: How CAN we go bad? I mean, we're pretty damn bad already.

>Some had gasoline canisters attached.

Graham; They were empty, but that's beside the point.

>Joel, after wiring the whole place to blow(on his remote command),
>finally made it to the Ice skating rink.

Tim: Negamoon on ice!

>"Kill them," Joel commanded the guards as he pointed to the fools who
>were stil on the rink. Like shooting fish in a barrel, the grunts gleefully
>disposed of the skaters,
>who pathetically slipped around, trying to run away, until being bloodily

Tim: Slipped, eh? Considering the inaccuracy of machine guns, and the speed at which skaters can travel, if anyone had any Cojones in that group they'd bum rush the guards and KO 'em with a skate kick to the face.

>cut down by gunfire. Once they were all dead, their corpse bleeding all
>over the ice,

Tim: One corpse for all those dead people?
Max: You know, that's even more innacurate than you realize. Dead people don't bleed, since that requires a functioning heart. They can, however, ooze blood.

> Joel poured the rest of the gasoline canisters onto the
> bloodstained rink.
> Joel smiled."OK, let's get the hell outta here!!"

Tim: So this is how the MST gang got work after the satellite went down, eh?
Max: But Crow's a Sailor moon fanboy. He'd never do this!

>********************&&&**&&&&&******&&&&&&&*****
>*******&&**********************

Tim: And you kiss you mother with that mouth?

>Flynn walked around, surveying the damage with glee.

All: YIPPEE!

><But-where is _she_?> He soon saw a mall security guard run at him
>and shoot.

Max: And shoot, and shoot, and shoot, and shoot, until Flynn had several, eighteen actually, large holes in his chest.
Tim: Now, the thing was, The guard had one six shooter, and never reloaded.

>Flynn felt piercing pain in his chest and thought he was going to collapse.

Graham: Then did, as his head was cut off.

>Then, as always, the nano-bots in his bloodstream,

Tim: Nanites, Check... Negamoon Hellspawn with Nanites. Now all he needs is a ridiculously stupid weapon and he's done!

>with their horribly defective version of the kessen-chu,

Tim: Nanites and Kessen-Chu are nothing alike. And if he's a goddamn hellspawn, why would he need either Kessen-chu OR nanites?
Graham: Because he doesn't know what he talking about!

>began to slowly, painfully, repair the ruptured skin.

Tim: Just a question. Is a scab painful? No, it is not, and a scab is what covers growing skin. It itches like crazy sometime, but it NEVER hurts!

>Here, play with this," and threw a spiked ball at the gurad, the spiked ball
>began to buzz, and spinning incredibly fast, and moved into the guard's crotch
>area.

Tim: So he's throwing a shaftless Mace at them?
Graham: Why would anyone want to throw your cat at somebody?
Max: Well, It's gotta be at LEAST three times as deadly as whatever this guy can dish out.
Tim: Oh, and hey, look, it's his ridiculously stupid weapon!
Max: Wait a sec, what the hell's a Gurad?
Tim: Dunno, but ten to one says it's in an RPG somehwere!

>As the guared screamed and Flynn giggled, the buzzing morning star,
>completely chunkified the guard's genitalia,

Tim: Nope. Morning Star only classified a Mace attached by chain to a control staff. This is merely the buisiness end of one. Sorry, DON'T TRY AGAIN!

>putting it through the equivalent of a meat grinder.

Tim: With a single Mace ball? Riiight... For grinding action, you'd need at least TWO!, yes TWO! objects for the target to get trapped between.
Max: I hate it when the author fucks up shit majorly when Tim knows the answers to these areas.
Graham: Well, at least I get to bitch about the author fucking up Hellspawn! I'm the closest we have to a Spawn expert here!


>Then it finished, as a shred of the dead guard's testicles
>*splat*-ted against the wall.

Graham: You sure it didn't _Splat_ against the wall?

>Flynn emoved his spiked ball from what was left of the guard's body

Tim: That was a very Emoving gesture.

>and switched off the spikes, while laughing and quipped,
>"Bet you though the worst problem you'd have today would be two teens
>fucking in your bathrooms, huh?"

All: And this is a bad thing because...?

>His question was answered as Sailor Jupiter came running at him, with
>what appeared to be a mixture of anger and malice showing on her face.

Tim: Are those new cosmetics? "Malice: By Calvin Klein"

>"Your reign of terror ends NOW!" she screamed as she ran at him,
>preparing an attack.

Max: Ten minutes later, Flynn was dead.

>An enormous sword seemingly appeared out of nowhere in Flynn's hand,
>and he sidestepped S.Jupiter with amazing speed.

Graham: S.Jupiter? Is Flynn Oscar in disguise?

>"Correction," he said as he brought the sword down on the back of her
>neck. "It's just _Beginning_."

Tim: Looking at the scrollbar, it seems about halfway done to me...
Max: Hey, where the hell'd the back wall just go?

>The split-second of pain before decapitation left her face in a permanent
>scream, of surprise and anguish, as her head cleanly popped off her body,

Tim: (Eye is twitching Violently) Fuck no.
Graham: INTO THE BUNKER!
Tim: YOU'RE TELLING ME, THAT THIS FUCKING NEGAMOON HELLSPAWNER KILLS THE MOST COMPETENT SCOUT, ONE WHO IS TAKING MARTIAL ARTS AND IS UTTER-FUCKING-LY PREPARED FOR SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES, WITH A SWORD IN ONE BLOW? FUCK NO! (Reality is starting to warp, as Tim is invoking the reality Bitch.) Flynn will die soon. I swear it. Max, hand me Lord Fratley's Poleax, would you?
Max: Sure, here. Why though?
Tim: I'm planning on pulling the largest jump in the history of dragonknight-dom and landing this spear right though Flynn's head.
Max: Wow. Should I call Guinness?

>and a geyser of dark red blood gushed out of the bloody stump.
>A scream of "Jupiter, NOOO!!!!" was the only thing that alerted him to
>Mercury.

Graham: An incredibly loud scream is ALL that alerts him? Flynn must be pretty damn dense.
Tim: What does that say of the Author Flynn?

>It was all he needed, as he spun around to meet her attack. His
>gauntleted fist slammed into her abdomen, lifted her up, and flipped her
>over his back.

Tim: SI-godboymuch, Flynn?

>He turned around and took a look at the wounded, but not quite dead,
>senshi.

Graham: More repetitively redundant writing from flynn!

>She was struggling to get up, covered in blood; both hers and
>Makoto's; and felt a hand stroke her hair playfully, then jerk it up,

Tim: Here's a question. How'd she managed to get herself covered the blood of someone she was nowhere near close enough to at time of death?

>as he pulled her up to her knees. He studied her for a moment.
>Hmmm.She isn't dead, but will lose consciousness soon. And I've
>always wanted a personal slave....>

Max: I thought he already had one...

>His musings were stopped short by Sailor Moon appearing on the bloody
>battlefield. From the bloodstains on her suit, and the tears pouring out
>of her red eyes,

Graham: I thought she had blue eyes?
Tim: Has Rini taken over the mantle already?
Max: If that's the case, where the hell's the Amazon quartet?

>she had been attempting to help the innocent bystanders,
>and hadn't succeeded much.

Max: Considering that basically they're all dead, I'm not surprised...

>Her eyes met his; her's reflecting outrage, his, amusement. "So, you gonna
>make a speech or what?" he said jokingly, still holding Ami by the hair.

Tim: Hmmm? Oh, sure. "If elected, I promise to cut taxes, reform social policy and call for stronger penalties for drunk drivers!"

>" Aw, screw it."

Graham: Was that Moon or Flynn?
Tim: Here's a tip, Flynn. LET US KNOW WHO THE HELL IS TALKING!

>He dropped Mercury and launched an attack:"NOVA BEAM FIRE!!!!!!"
>Suddenly, a wall of white fire erupted towards her, and Flynn took pleasure
>in her pitiful attempts to get cover from the blast.

Max: Just do what the people in DBZ do. Duck behind the nearest rock. That always seems to work for them!

>He followed it up by pulling a _huge_ gun(think Rotarr's gun; that is, if
>you've ever seen it)

Tim: This freak carries more weaponry than I do!
Graham: Are you sure about that?
Tim: Pretty sure... Lesse, Swords, Dragon knight Axe, the Ryublades... No, nevermind. He just uses them more often. I mean, he whips out the spiky ball, for one use, the sword, for one use, and this gun, for one use.

>out of a fold in his cloak and firing at her. He was clearly not aiming not
>directly at her,

Graham: Since his aim was worse than a blind man throwing a hatchet.

>but rather bouncing the superheroine around, toying with her like a cat
>with its prey.

All: Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

>A red rose sprang out and hit Flynn's gun, like an arrow. Flynn threw the
>gun away, where it exploded due to an overload caused by the rose.

Max: Damn. Tuxy's upgraded...

>Tuxedo Kamen hovered, angry and vengeful.

>Flynn nonchalantly glanced at him and said, "Hey, you're part of the
>Nipponian Ambiguisly Gay Duo, aren'tcha?"

Tim: Considering that A: that joke was over a year old when this was written and B: He already has a kid, albeit one from the future, how can he be homosexual?
Graham: Unless Serena has a dirty little secret she's not telling us.
Max: That her Boyfriend's really a girl in disguise?
Tim: Hehehe... Well, Serenity3's Bisexual, why not Serenity2?
Graham: Serentity 2? 3?
Tim: The original Queen was Serenity. Serena is Serenity Junior, or 2. Rini, which is a contraction of Serena, which is a contraction of Serenity... Anyways, she's Serenity the third, or 3.

>The Demon's mocking attitude infuriated him. "Your reign of terror will
>stop here, you sadistic bastard, I swear!" he yelled.

Max: THAT'S TELLING TUXY!
Graham: That was Tuxy talking, Max.

>"Oh, I'll stop, alright, but only when I say so, Bishonen."

All: So, Bishonen.

>Flynn pulled out a gun he had and trained with for just the occasion. It
>was a .380, loaded with expanding bullets, which the Hellspawn
>unloaded in Tuxedo Kamen's face. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
>BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Tim: Expanding bullets? As in, they get larger? Add another stupid weapon to the list...
Max: Ten shots... I'm impressed... I thought pistols held eight bullets Maximum.

>TK's hat floated in the ar as his head first was literally hollowed out,

Graham: Tuxy's head is a pumpkin? Cool!
Tim: Tiger eye was wrong, Tuxy was the Sailor Punkin!

>spilling blood, brains, and pieces of skull out the other end and
>causing him to scream until his mouth began to dribble blood out the side,
>then eventually cracking in two as the body fell, bathed in his own
>blood.

Max: If his head was hollow he'd have no mouth to scream with, and no brain to tell the mouth to scream either.

>Due to some strange nerve that had been hit , his left leg still
>kind of jerked a bit.

Max: WHAT nerve? You've hollowed out his head, there's nothing left ta hit!

>{Author's Note: I still don't feel that this is gory enough, for some
>reason. What do you think?}

Tim: I think you need medication, therapy, elephant tranquilizers, a straightjacket, and a NICE padded room.
Graham: They're coming to take him away, HA HA!
Tim: Hee hee, Yes they are...

>The samurai began to laugh.

Tim: Yes, yes I did... and How the hell do you justify being a SAMURAI? I can't even get angry at that one... It's too damn ridiculous...

>Only one thing left to do.<No,> he thought as he saw Mercury's comatose
>body. <Make that two.>

Tim: GROAAAAAN...
Max: What?
Tim: The utterly bad thing there is, whether Flynn realizes it or not, is that Mercury is Sailor number two. Therefore he still has item one and item two to "do".

>**************************&&&&********&&*********&&&&***
>*****************************

Graham: Give it a rest. The shock value's worn off...

>He dragged Sailor Moon to the railing overlooking the skating rink.
>"You know, it's kinda sad that your other friends aren't here. I'll have to
>get them later.

Graham: This man is a MITE obsessive, donthca think?

>Ah, here we are. You see that Rink? It's filled with gasoline." He then
>dropped a cigarette lighter onto the rink, causing a fire insulated by the
>corpses.

Tim: I'm not touching that last one save for this. If they were insulating, then wouldn't the fire NOT burn?
Graham: It still beats people "exalting" all the time...

>"I wonder what'll get you first; the fire, the impact, or both?

Max: Neither. The fall probably wouldn't be enough to kill your average human, much less the Sailors, who have actually proven to be able to take worse punishments and live. As for the fire... It's called getting off the damn Rink.

>Unfortunately, I'm gonna detonate this place in, oh, 180 seconds, so I
>won't be able to watch."

All: EVIL OVERLORD SYNDROME!

>He pulled her close to him and hissed, "It's payback time, Your Majesty,"
>showing for the first time real anger at her.

Graham: So he was being nice when he killed her friends, I take it?

>Then her threw her over the railing. Sailor Moon then plunged, screaming,
>to near-certain death.............

Tim: This is Serena. She's screaming no matter WHAT happens.
Max: Apparently she undergoes a major personallity shift at the age of twenty, becomes competent and has a kid, not neccesarily in that order.

>Chapter 2
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"get that door open, dammit!!"screamed det. Sam Burke.
>The mall.Once a place for teens to have a brake has been
>turned into a slaughter house.

Graham: And Sales are actually the better for it!
Max: I gotta get that new CD before I die!

>Sam knows how flynn works, and that there's no point in looking for
>survivors.Still,he hopes that someone made it.Sam

Tim: Speaking of which, Flynn would already be in custody or DEAD if they let the freelance police handle the case.

>reaches for his revolver, and blows the lock off.

Max: Or Rather his toe, since locks nowadays are made to withstand bullets

>As Sam charges in, thousands of people stare at him with a question of
>sanity.

Graham: Can You believe the US president is George W. Bush?
Tim: Wait a moment. THOUSANDS? In an entryway? I knew the Japanese conserved space and all, but this is too much!

>Flynn has been doing this for a year now, and they know that he always
>leaves behind a few small packages.

Tim: Brown paper packages tied up with string...

>Sam's eyes quickly survey the area.The scene has him disgusted and
>impressed at the same time.After all, know one has ever hit such a big
>place so quickly.Even the notorious Billy Kincaid couldn't have
>pulled off so many murders.

Tim: Well that's because Billy the kid didn't have high powered automatic weaponry, DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?
Graham: He said Kincaid, but that’s beside the point. He killed fewer people because he was a specialist. Only offed little kids whose parents forgot to teach them that little lesson about candy and strangers…
Tim: This has been Random Spawn Facts, with Graham Keyes!

>Sam has noticed one fault with flynn.

Max: Not a very observant detective, are we Sam?

>he always sets the clocks to 2 min. on all his bombs.

Graham: Didn't flynn just say it was Three minutes?
Max: Specifically, 180 seconds.
Tim: Excuse me while I'm gone in sixty...

>So, Sam figures he has 45 sec.he hears screaming at one end.
>Sam sprints as fast as he can to the ice rink.there, he
>see's a woman.

Graham: Okay, now where's Serena?

>She's crawled to one side, luckily where Sam is standing.

All: Naturally.

>He scoops her up, trying to be gentle to the fire wounds, and busts
>through the doors.

Graham: of course, she was in front of him when he did it, so those very same fire wounds FLARED up in pain!
Max: You know, If Sam's the only one of Flynn's tail, I can see why Flynn keeps escaping...

>a med vac is right outside.Sam lays her down, and tries his best to clear
>the spectators away.

Tim: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE MALL OR YOU'LL DIE! would probably do it.

>Too late.The mall shakes the earth,

All: (Singing) Shake, rattle and roll... I said; Shake, rattle, and roll...

>sending people that didn't heed Sams warning,through the air.

Tim: With the greatest of ease.

>Luckily, only a few dozen were killed.

Graham: ONLY be the operative word here
Max: I thought the operative word was imbecility.

>Unfortunetly, this mall was the main attraction to kids, moms, teens,
>and geeks.

Tim: I'm guessing the author falls into that last category...

>over 1 thousand people were in that mall every hour,and this
>time of day is rush hour.

Tim: Meaning everyone's rushing HOME, not to the mall.

>Sam, in all the horrific things he's seen, admits to himself that
>smiling burnt babies were the worst.

Max: smelling, since the shit in their daipers didn't fully burn. Phew!

>But he knows something even more disturbing.

All: OSCAR!

>He has no evidence.Flynn has been kept a secret by the police.
>when this stuff happens, they say it was a missile, followed
>by "those damn dirty Russians!!"{note:its the future}

Tim: We're at peace with Russia. THEY'RE CAPITALISTS NOW!
Max: Their economy's in the shitter, but that's beside the point.

>those that don't believe the lie, or survived one of his
>attacks, mistereoulsy die.So, in other words,for the past
>year,Flynn has gotten away with millions of unexplanable
>deaths.The person they rescued?She'll be dead tommorow,
>and not from wounds.

Graham: From shock that she actually allowed herself to be in this damn fic.

>Sam hasn't ever understood the cover-up,

Tim: Join the club buddy. We don't even understand the fic.

>though.I mean, why would the government not stop him?
>the last time Sam tried to find out,he was warned to
>"keep away"by a groggly man.

Graham: Like anyone takes a warning from a drunk seriously.

>The man was unrecognizable, since his face was covered.

Max: Tuxy told Sam to stay away?

>Sam promises himself that this time will be the last time.He slams
>his door shut, and heads for the hospital, hoping that the witness can
>talk.If she can't, then those dead people will once again be
>covered up.{Only he and the witness know of flynn.}

Graham: What about the thousands of DEAD PEOPLE?
Tim: Call the Zombie master, we'll have thousands of credible, if slightly decaying, witnesses!

>"i'm sorry, mr. Burke, but the patient is still resting.""Sam hisses a cold
>remark, and sits down."fuck you Bill Clinton."

All: NO THANK YOU!

>He remembers that the last year of Bill Clintons career, after admitting
>he had an "affair" with Monica Lawinskey, he had passed a bill saying
>that if you don't find out who the murderer was in any situation
>within three days of the murder, than the case is closed.

Tim: Okay, a few questions. ONE: What the hell would the scouts be doing in the states? And TWO: Even if this does take place in Tokyo, what makes you think we'd be able to Enforce that law in the states?
Graham: Don't you mean Japan?
Tim: No. The states. Never mind Another country where we don't even have legal jurisdiction, you stupid assfuck, Flynn! The US doesn't own the world, even though we'd like to! And anyways, that isn't how the legal system works! That piece of shit law would never get past congress! Anyone who HONESTLY believes congress would pass that law, raise your hand! (Cricket chirp) THOUGHT SO.
Max: Dude, how the hell did we get crickets on the ship, we're orbiting the earth! I'm calling the exterminator...

>Why he did that, know one knows.Sam has a hunch that it
>had something to do with his affair.Sam figures that Lewinsky
>knew Flynn, and while the president was cheating,

Tim: Mein Gott! Flynn! Do you realize what the hell you're trying to say here? You're trying to say that an american trailor trash knew a japanese demon from the future who went to hell and back and became a hellspawn, and the two of them conspired together to get a stupid law passed by seducing the president? God damn, Sam isn't the only ridiulously stupid person in this fic, Flynn! You're three others!
Max: Hey, the scene's over already.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>in other places...

Max: That's where I want to be.

>"whataya mean exotic dancin isn't proper?Max, fix 'er
>or i'll give ya another one of those jolts in yer pants.
>The painful kind.

Tim: Wow, you ARE in other places Max!

>"Max heads up the stage."wait, wait, let me.Flynn runs up, knocking
>over max."sorry, pal, but you were dragon me down!get it??

All: Nope.

>aww, screw you."Flynn reaches for amy's panties, and gets slapped in
>the face."you jerk!! get away from me!!She hits him right where it counts.

Graham: Then she hit him again and again and again and again...

>max slightly giggles."Honey, what was that for?I'm just youre average
>criminal.

Tim: You kill her best friend by decapitation and she's gonna believe you're average?

>Don't want to much.Come on, after today,i deserve a brake.p.s.
>decided to take a brake with you!! love, Flynn." "youre a wonderful poet,
>honestly." "shut up, max!" when he turns back, Amy see's that she has

Max: Flynn, want to kill you, dropping Nuke on your head. Hate, Max.
Grahamn: Flynn, think you're a wonderful writer, no Honestly...
Tim: I'm still deciding on whether to mock his spelling and grammatical abilities or his poetic ones.
All: Or lack thereof.

>to get close to him to learn his tricks.She puts her finger in her mouth,
>and reaches down Flynns pants.Max utters,"those were the good days..."
>soon,

Tim: Hmm, we've already used "Good ole days" this time, and it was so perfect too... What the hell, let's do it again!
All: (Singing)
Oh some times I think back to when I was younger
life was so much simpler then
Dad would be up at dawn, he'd be watering the lawn
or maybe going fishing again

Oh and mom would be fixing up something in the kitchen
fresh biscuits or hot apple pie
and I'd spend all day long in the basement
torturing rats with a hack-saw and pulling the wings off of flies

>Flynn is all over Amy like a monkey in mating season.

Graham: That's some descriptive imagery I could have done without...

>He reaches his hands onto her pants, and rips them off,
>gently curessing her pussy.His tongue circles her nipple,
>and glides all over her body.His finger makes its way into
>amy's pussy, and feels the soft, wet liquid flow out.
>Her mouth fits over his cock, and blows hard.

Tim: Then she pulls out the 380 from earlier and blows brains out. Flynn's, that is.

>He can't help to think this is the best sex he's ever had.

Max: The fact that it was the ONLY sex he'd ever had being beside the point.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>in other places....

Max: Haven't we been through this before?

>Sam sits and waits an hour, watching as people rush in and out.
>His chair scoots closer to the radio.the singer is screaming
>"i will....let you....I will let you dowwwwnn!!"

Graham: The fic is singing to us guys!

>He can't stand the song, so he changes to a station more his style.

Tim: Do they have radio stations for the utterly retarded?

>"in other news,another missile was fired off today,and
>managed to land right on a mall.

Tim: Does anyone believe that the general public is stupid enough to believe that?

> Heres what witnesses have to say:

Graham: I thought all the witnesses were dead?

>"well, i was walking along, and like, i saw all, like these people
> going in and out of the mall dressed in black carrying guns--what??"
> the announcer yells."guys with guns?but they said it was a missi-"

Tim: Ugh... I believe we've found a writer on the same stupidity level as Oscar.

>the announcer is cut short, as yelling is heard in the
>background.He hears the announcer yell "what kinda cop are you?"

Graham: Fashion cop. Duh.
Tim: I just thought of something... If this guy is a terrorist, and a hellspawn, that means Interpol AND the darkstalkers would be interested in him... Which means...
All: CHUN-LI AND MORRIGON KILLING FLYNN! WOOHOO!

>followed by gunfire, followed by static.Sam is gone in 5 seconds.

Tim: I'm nineteen minutes and fifety five seconds ahead of you.

>he fumbles with his keya, and jumps in his buick.He blazes his
>sirens, and heads back to the mall....
>what will happen?
>can flynn get away with the crime?

All: PROBABLY, SINCE FLYNN'S WRITING THIS!

>come back soon.

All: FUCK NO.

(The outer room)
Tim: The only thing I need to say is Jupiter is dead. That just finished this fic off for me.
Max: He was as SI godboy as OSCAR.
Graham: All I'M gonna say is "Negamoon hellspawn"
Max: "Samurai" Negamoon hellspawn...
Tim: As if that fucker could be a damn samurai. Well, I'm gonna go set up that landchaser race I was thinking about. I may not be done for awhile... Anyways, hit the button Max.
Max: SEEYA!
(Signal end)

THE END

"Honey, what was that for?I'm just youre average
>criminal.
>Don't want to much.Come on, after today,i deserve a brake.p.s.
>decided to take a brake with you!! love, Flynn."


Send Email to Me at Ktnablade@AOL.com
or Graham at Gmantis14@AOL.com
or Max at ThisAddressDoesNotExist@AOL.com

Well, I'm done with eighteen, and it only took me half a month this time. Current projects are nineteen, a near completed twenty (which has spent six months as a potential, since I needed to tone down my author bashing...), AND Special Editions number five. Goddesses Gone Gogo, is the title I think I'm gonna use. It's four AMG fics, which, well, considering that I'm a Norn sister fanboy (of the ACTUAL Norn sisters as well), I'm gonna rip two of the fics several new assholes. Oh, and always...

Comments appreciated, Flames laughed at.

That fic was so bad, I couldn't finish it. I don't know how you manage to read shit like this all the way to MST it.