StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Tim Jewett 07/23/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.

"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"

Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.

If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)

(Satellite of Lust, in the middle of a lot of explosions)
Tim: Alrighty Graham, you ready for that landchaser sequence?
Graham: I think so... what are we racing through again?
Tim: I patched together the landchaser sequences from the X2 X4 and X5. I get Zero's bike, you're on X's red and purple thing.
Graham: That did NOT sound right.
Tim: Bite me. We're on. Remember 2,4,5. Landchaser. No bosses between. We fight each other at end, time permitting.

(half an hour later)
Tim: Damn, I've been waiting for ten minutes! What the hell could be takin' him so damn long! We've got a fic to MST in a few damn minutes!
(Graham stumbles in holding what used to be the handle to a landchaser...)
Graham: Somewhere over the rainbow...
Tim: Is where the rest of that landchaser is... Come on, Artlu's yappin, and I don't think the elevator music'll hold him off for much longer! Where the hell have you been?
Graham: I couldn't just leave so much reality neglected and unexploded. I made it go boom.
(the outer room)
Artlu: GET THIS GOD DAMN ELEVATOR MUSIC OFF BEFORE I NUKE YOUR PISSY LITTLE SATELLITE!
Max: Good to see you too, paleface.
Artlu: Nevermind that. Tell those two yokels that their fic is Sailor Balloon, by Captain Neil. Starring, Captain Neil. I'm gonna go torture melvin to get that music out of my head...
(Tim and Graham rush into the theatre as the Klaxons start to wail)

(The door sequence is on vacation. Please bear with us)
Tim sits in the middle, Max two seats two his right, and Graham two to his left.
Max: Let's get it on!

Sailor Balloon (Part 1)
by Captain Neil

Max: I outrank you, Neil.
Tim: I prefer Irresponsible Captain Tylor. Justy Useki Tylor, reporting for Negamoon bashing SIR!

BASED ON THE ANIME "SAILOR MOON"

Tim: Or rather, the delusions of a fanboy who watches it!

Ami was walking to her next class when she saw a tall boy next to her locker.

All: Hi Kuno!
Graham: (Kuno) I love you I would date with you!
Max: (Ami) I think you've mistaken me for someone else...

"Hello." She said. "You must be that new student from America."

Tim: Hello, have you seen a plot device anywhere around here?

He turned around. She saw he was wearing a light red jacket and jeans. He had ruffled brown hair and was wearing a pair of glasses.

All: AUGH! AUSTIN POWERS'S CHILD IS HITTING ON SAILOR SCOUTS!

"Yeah. My name's Neil." He said adjusting his glasses. [In this story, I'm only 16]

Max: As opposed to real life, where you'll be fourteen forever...
Tim: IE: Horny and a virgin.

Ami blushed.

Max: Then broke out in hives. THEN had a terrible allergic reaction to someone flirting with her.

He's cute! She thought.

Max: HE'S DEAD! I thought.

"I believe I missed yours." He said.

Graham: He must have horrible aim...

"Ami. Ami Anderson."

All: MIZUNO!

"And I suppose you prefer drinks shaken, not stirred?" He said with a smirk.

Tim: Bad bond joke, AHOY!

"Huh?"

Tim: I said, Bad Bond joke, AHOY! Weren't you listening? And that shoulda been Mizuno, Ami Mizuno, to be a bond joke... Sheesh...

"Sorry. It's a movie in America. James Bond. That's the way he says his name. Oh, never mind."

Max: Actually, It's a movie in Britain, Japan, The US, Mexico... Capische, Americano sin intelligencia?

The bell rang, both panicked, and they both headed off toward the same room.

Graham: Plowing right into each other!

They both arrived to see that the teacher wasn't there yet. Ami sat down in her seat and Neil took the seat next to her.

"And you are the new guy, I presume?" Melvin squawked.

Tim: SQUAWK! Nerd-boy wants a cracker!
Bun-Bun: Somebody mention Torg?

It just so happens that Melvin [He's a real nerd with telescopes for glasses] sits behind Ami.

Tim: Repeat after me: COKE BOTTLE. His glasses are COKE BOTTLE lenses!
Zoom: MY EYES are binoculars, on the other hand...

"And you're the nerd who'll shut up or will have his mouth shoved so far up his ass, he'll have a chat with his brain." Neil replied. Neil gave him an evil grin. Melvin quickly sat back down. Ami laughed.

Then there was a scream from the back of the classroom. Neil turned around in time to see a girl's breasts burst from under her shirt. Ballooned more like. And they were still inflating. A perverted boy in front of her grabbed them and squeezed them. She screamed again and punched the boy. Then her breasts stopped and she started to rise out of her seat. That's because her butt was inflating. There was a rip, and her dress was now completely wasted. Her butt wouldn't stop and her legs were really squeezed in her desk. Then there was a big crash, and the desk had fallen apart. Another pervert boy hugged her breasts. Then there was a scream, yet it was in a demon tone. Then a black shadow jumped from her mouth. Her body returned to normal, and she fainted.

All: Naturally.
Max: It's not like she's gonna suffer a major demonic possesion, and be fine and dandy about it, like you are Tim. Say, you ever exorcise yourself?
Tim: Naw, and chuck's having one hell of a time trying to navigate my psyche.

"Puwlob..." Neil said under his breath and ran for the door.

Tim: WOW! What an OBVIOUS NAME! A demon who makes girls inflate is named Puwlob. which is a rearranging of the letters in blowup!

Ami did the same.

Graham: She sarcastically mocked the author for his stupid demonic name?

"What are you doing out here?" Neil asked Ami.

Max: Living in a bad SI fic?

"Uhhh... nothing....you?"

Tim: Oh, I'm just writing a fic where you'll eventually fuck me, but that's beside the point!
Graham: Is there one SI author who can chuck himself into a story and NOT fuck anyone in the anime?
Tim: There is me, But I doubt my parodies and pityfics count.

There was another scream.

Graham: It was me, wanting out.

"Mercury Star Power!" Ami yelled.

Max: Wow, I swear that it's not as obvious as a bazooka who you are when you SCREAM your name every damn time you transform.

"Orion Force!" Neil yelled.

Tim: Dragon Dyne Valor!
Graham: What?
Tim: Lunar Reference. I just wanted to scream something.

Ami was surrounded by a dark blue light and her Sailor Scout uniform appeared on her.

Graham: At least it beats seeing the entire damn sequence, again...

Neil was surrounded by a white light with silver streaks. A dark blue spaceship captain's suit appeared on him. His glasses tinted silver, and two medium-size laser pistols appeared in his hands.

Tim: That doesn't. I'd rather see Mercury's sequence over and over than yours once, Neil.

"What the..." Sailor Mercury said.

Graham: Exactly.

"I knew you were Mercury the whole time! You looked like her!" Neil said.

Tim: Magic field? WHAT magic field? They look the same either way! and what is up with the brackets?

Another scream came from the classroom. "I'll explain later!" Neil said. Ami threw the door open. Inside, the black cloud was strangling a few of the students.

Graham: Why do demons always strangle people? Don't they have any originality?

"I am Sailor Mercury, and I order you to let those kids go."

Tim: (Demon) Oh, sure, I'll just drop what I'm doing and jump right off a cliff, just cuz you said so!

"It's me Puwlob, Captain Neil! I found you old buddy!"

Max: Now I get to hide and YOU can find me!

Another scream came from the demon and he dropped the kids and rushed toward them. Neil placed his hands, still holding his guns, on his waist.

Tim: Hey, he DID drop what he was doing and jump off a cliff.

"Okay..." Captain Neil said. "...DRAW!" He quickly raised them and fired. Two large red lasers nailed the cloud and forced it back. The blast ended and Puwlob flew at them faster. "Mercury Icestorm Blast!" Sailor Mercury spun around and created a heavy blast of water and threw the cloud back again.

Graham: Or rather, she would have, if she hadn't been facing the opposite direction.

Neil readied another laser blast, but then...

Tim: He died. The end.

"I order you to leave them alone. I am Sailor Mars!"

Max: And I'm having my period!

"You better run, because Sailor Jupiter gives no monster any mercy!"

Tim: And I'm having her period too!

"And, it's Sailor Venus to show you what's up!"

Graham: And I get first dibs!

The three appeared in the classroom. Then Serena as Sailor Moon appeared next to them.

All: SERENITY! OR BUNNY! OR USAGI!
Tim: Or "Tuxy's fuck bunny"
Max: Well, that goes without saying...

"And I am Sailor Moon! I intend to right wr-"

She was cut off by Puwlob who blasted them with a jet of black smoke. They fell to the ground gasping for air.

Max: A tentacle lemon would make me like this fic!

"You... fuc...kin... meat... ball... headed... ass!" The three said.

Max: HAL is making a Cameo?

"Gotta... make... that... speech... (cough)... shorter!" Sailor Moon choked.

Tim: Maybe it's Shatner? And her speech was as damn long as theirs. And why should you introduce yourselves? Pop in, blast the monnter, pop out, and Rotate your artillery!
Max: Eh? They should rotate on it?

"There goes our rescue team." Neil said.

Tim: Yeah, right out the door. SEEYA!

Then each of the scouts started to blow up like the girl. Each of their breasts pushed against the outfits until they ripped and they transformed back. Serena's uniform was ripped and her breasts were quickly filling out her bra. Mina's uniform was stretching to the limit. Lita's breasts managed to push her top up and already snapped her bra. And Raye's uniform was already in pieces. All of their breasts kept ballooning.

Max: Well, He's gotten my attention.

Neil brought the handles of both guns together. They locked in place.

Graham: You could tell because he stopped to wipe his hands and the guns stayed where they were.

"Cyclone Arrow Shot!" Neil yelled.

Tim: DRAGON AXE SLICE!

A bright yellow laser energy ball formed between the guns, and then a yellow laser flew out from it along with two red lasers from the guns. Puwlob was thrown against the wall.

Max: When will people learn that concussive energy attacks ust aren't that good? At least Tim's can do crap, like strike THROUGH you, or bite you, or suck out your soul and eat it...
Graham: You're confusing him with the monsters in the FF movie now.
Tim: Actually, mine can strike ballistically, different from concussive, as blade wepons, and through you.

"Mercury Icestorm Slash!" Mercury yelled.

All: Icestorm Slash...?
Max: When the hell's she ever used that?

A new move indeed! She spun around again and built up the water above her. As she waved her

All: Oh.

hand to throw it, she spun agained, raised her arm above her head, and did a downward chop. The water blast formed a blue water blade and sliced the cloud. The two halves of the cloud quickly blew out the window and disappeared. The girls breasts had already doubled in size to beachballs. Each was pinned underneath their gigantic air-filled balloons.

Tim: Pinned under light as air ballons? They'd pose a movement hazard, but NOT a weight trap problem.

"I don't think he's gone yet." Mercury said.

"Me neither." Neil said.

All: Yeah, then the fic would end.
Tim: And my scrollbar says we're over halfway through MST'ing this fic, including commentary, and I just started yesterday! WOOHOO I MAY HAVE A FIC DONE IN LESS THAN HALF A MONTH THIS TIME! Whups, had an author's ranting during an MST...

Then they heard a clamor of feet coming up the stairs. Neil motioned to the window and they both leaped out. [Yeah, the Sailor Scouts and Neil can do that amazing long jump so they can't get hurt.]

Max: You just go on believing that...

The principal and Ms. Haruna rushed in. The principal's face turned beet red at the sight of the overly-huge busted girls. The two perverted boys in the class got up.

All: Hiroshi and Daisuke?

"Man! What hit us?" The first said.

All: Us.

"I don't know." The other said.

Tim: But whatever it was, here it comes again!

They turned and saw the huge boobed girls lying on the floor still inflating.

"Woah!" The first said.

The other started drooling then said. "I need to go and whack off man!"

"Same here man!"

They both ran out the door.

Meanwhile, atop the school. Neil and Amy changed back.

Max: That's just too easy.

"What do you think will happen?" Amy asked.

Neil started, "They'll deflate in about...5...4...3...2...1..."

The side of the building blew out.

"...0!" Neil grinned. "They have to get rid of that air some how, and there was just enough to make the side of the school blow out. Believe me, I've seen worse! I'm talkin' about girls who have exploded! They pump up to the size of a big building and... BAM! There goes the neighborhood; and possibly a nearby city."

Tim: Calculating the likelihood of that, givn physical constraints... since even demons must abide by physical laws - They can warp 'em, but not disregard 'em- that couldn't happen. They'd lose all extra mass by that time making new skin. And if they LOST all that damn air, They wouldn't explode, they'd do what a damn balloon does when you let it go. The air'll just shoot out their pores and they'll scoot along. AND considering the number of pores on the human body-
Max: Enough. Leave us with enough of an author to have fun with, okay?

"Did Serena and the others explode?"

All: YOU HAD BETTER HOPE THEY DIDN'T, NEIL!

"Nope. They just exhaled. They should be fine."

"So you've been following Puwlob?"

"Yeah. For a good while. I got my powers from this ring passed down by my family. I first used it when that bastard attack and killed everyone in my family. And he used his true power! And it's not inflating!"

All: It's DEflating!

"You unleashed him?"

"Hell no! First off, Puwlob is backwards for Blowup. He's a demon from another dimension who feeds on... this makes me sick... exploded girls breasts! That's pretty sick. Even for a demon! Don't ask me why."

Max: Actually, it's backwards for "Bolwup" but...

"Makes me sick..." Ami said and glanced at her breasts. Sure they weren't very large, but sometimes she wished she could get them bigger.

"Well, I certainly know something. That won't be the last time your four friends won't be blown up. I know that for sure."

Tim: Yeah, Sailor moon lemon fics are forever popular on the web.

Sailor Balloon Part 2
by Captain Neil
"Wake up, Serena!"

All: BITE US!

Serena's eyes opened and she screamed. She had been sleeping in class again.

"No! I don't wanna go to school, you stupid whore! Let me sleep!" she whined.

Graham: Wow, she's acting more OOC than usual!

"You're already in school you dumb bitch!" Ms. Haruna yelled at her.

All: WOOF!

Serena had been sleeping in class... again. [What else is new?]

Tim: The fact that your lifespan is not going to exceed thirty?

"Here!" said Ms. Haruna, shoving a paper in her face.

The paper was the last test. Serena got a 98%.

Max: Now we're in the twilight zone...
Graham: At least it isn't the Rheazone.
All: Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo...

"This is my paper?!" Serena asked confused.

"No shit." Haruna replied.

Tim: Author, um... teachers aren't allowed to swear like that.

Later, when Serena got home from the school, her parents and brother were amazed that Serena had the brains to get such a good grade. Until then, they thought she didn't have any.

"Wellllll...." Serena started. "What do I get for this?"

Nothing. You're an asshole. Sammy thought to himself.

Graham: Since when did those two have a relationship like me and my sister?

Her dad adjusted his glasses and looked at her answers. He lifted the papers off the table. Serena gasped. She wrote all the answers on the back of the paper and she forgot to erase them.

Tim: Eh?? Wrote all the answers on the back? Izzat s'posed ta be cheating?

Her mom and Sammy were on her dad's side of the paper, good thing.

"Well... I guess you deserve something. Name it." Her dad said putting the papers down.

"Lots of cash." she said, grabbing the papers.

All: YES, GO FOR THE MONEY!

"I guess that's okay." he said, pulling out his wallet.

Sammy left the room and her mom started washing dishes. Her dad pulled out some bills and counted them. After a minute, he handed her several of them. Since Japanese currency is different from US currency, the total was about $30. Serena took the bills and flew out of the room and out the door.

Max: Thirty bucks is a lot of cash for you? Pathetic...

About an hour later, she got a bunch of her friends together and threw a party at one of their houses. Serena bought all the supplies and a new outfit for herself to wear. A tight, cut-off blue shirt and a cheap pair of shorts. Neil passed her as she was heading to the party and he said she looked like an ugly whore.

Tim: Author, your Serena bashing is about as subtle as our YOU bashing... And since you're an SI writer, that isn't a good thing...

The party was already going and Serena thought about her scout friends. She called each of them.

Max: She'd call her best friends first, wouldn't she?

Raye was busy working at the temple since Chad was sick. Lita was at a cooking class. [What else is new?] And Mina was at the mall somewhere. Serena put her hand on the receiver and was about to call Ami. She didn't know if Ami was even the party type of girl.

All: (Singing) I'm a party girl, in a party world...

She'd probably rather study. Serena thought. But maybe I can get her here. She has to get out more.

She called, but Ami didn't want to go.

Max: It was because Parties gave her a terrible neckache.

"But why? Quit studying and have some fun!" Serena whined.

"Well..." Ami giggled. "I have a date tonight."

"WHO!!" Serena screamed.

Tim: Twenty bucks says I don't have to say it.

"You're going to blow my ears out. I have a date with Neil."

Max: and here are your twenty bucks.

"You mean that geek?!?" Serena yelled again.

Serena was mad because her own so-called boyfriend, Darien, was too busy at a strip club to be with her.

Tim: Ummm... Hey, Neil? Hate the Star and her boyfriend much?

"He's not a geek. He's really nice and attractive. Just because he wears glasses doesn't make him a nerd. He's intelligent and into music and video games. I'm kinda surprised when he said he never had a girlfriend before." [true, very true].

All: NO WONDER HE'S WRITING THIS DAMN THING!
Tim: This is a godboy SI fic, and he's setting himself up with a Sailor...

"Well, I still think he's a loser."

Max: So do I...

"Fuck you, Serena!" Ami yelled and slammed the phone down. Ami looked at her mirror and saw she was really upset. Very uncommon for her.

Graham: Oh, and dating ISN'T?

"Little prick." Serena mumbled, heading back to the party.

Fifteen minutes later...
Serena was really bored. The dancing just got slow and there were no free guys to dance with. She sat down next to the drink table and started chowing down on chips. Five minutes later, she had eaten three bags of chips and two bottles of soda. Her belly was starting to stick out under her shirt.

Tim: Whoa, whoa, three bags of digested chips and roughly what, six gallons and her belly is bulging SLIGHTLY?

"Damn, girl," one of the guys said. "Should have left the rest of the party some food."

"Where the hell's the food?" Another yelled.

"That ass ate it all!" The first said.

Max: Wow, Donkeys loose in the streets of Tokyo, I can see it now...

Everyone started to crowd around Serena. She was about to start crying when the music came back on. Everyone went back to dancing and Serena started to sneak back into the kitchen. However, she tripped and fell over some decorations and crawled the rest of the way there.

She closed the door and looked down. Some streamers and balloons had come in with her. She sat down and cried. [She does that a lot normally] With nothing else to do, she started popping the balloons with her nails. Then, while grabbing the last yellow balloon, it jumped out of her hands and flew up to her mouth and put its mouth in hers. Serena gasped as the balloon untied itself and started deflating. Then she noticed her belly bulge out even more. She got up and ran into the door.

All: Ouch.

SLAM!

It was a pull-open door. She fell backwards as her basketball belly ballooned out even more. The balloon in her mouth had now stopped deflating, but it kept pumping more air into her. Then it shoved its way down her throat. She managed to get up and open the door and then screamed as her stomach went from basketball to a beachball. Everyone stopped and looked at her. Then there was huge laughter and they grabbed her and threw her around like a toy.

Tim: Inflatable Sailor scouts... there's a market in that somewhere...

"Look at Serena! She was so hungry, she started eating the air!"

By now, her shorts had snapped open and her belly was almost as large as her. When she started getting too big, they shoved her out the window and locked it. Serena stopped crying and looked around. She was floating up! The window she came out of had its blinds down and music so loud that they wouldn't notice her. Her stomach was now twice the size of her. She still had her shorts on and she pulled the Moon Crystal out of her pocket.

"Moon Crystal Power!"

Instantly, her belly sucked itself back in as she transformed into Sailor Moon. After it was done, she looked around again. She was high above the city.

Max: I thought she just went out the window?

"Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" She screamed as she started falling.

Meanwhile...
Neil and Ami were just starting their date. They were going to go to a movie and then to the arcade for a bit. Ami suggested walking through the park to get there. She wore her light blue (casual) dress, and Neil wore his normal attire. (Jeans, shirt, and sneakers) Passing the main fountain in the park, Neil spied a bathroom and excused himself.

"Got to use the 'little guardian's room'." He said. "Hang on."

Ami sat down on the side of the fountain and looked at her reflection in the water. She smiled.

Looking just as cute as ever Ami. She thought. I'm with a great guy and there's no chance of having a bad first date because that brain-dead Serena is nowhere- Her thought was interrupted by a loud splash in front of her. She rubbed her eyes and stood up. She was soaking wet.

All: SETUP CITY!
Tim: This smells suspiciously like a plot contrievance. Scratch that. SI fic, no real plot.

"What the hell was that?" She said.

Max: That is a pronoun.

Turning toward the fountain, she saw a bruised up Sailor Moon in the remaining water. She was out cold. Then, with a zombie-like motion, she stood up. Ami jumped back as Sailor Moon stumbled out of the fountain and fell over.

A dark grey cloud arose from her body and tried to smother Ami. She started coughing and then she saw something great, yet not-so-great. Her bust was growing. She couldn't move her feet either. She bent her knees and dropped to the ground. She was able to move her feet a bit down there. She started crawling, hoping to clear the cloud. Her breasts kept growing and soon were stretching her dress, and she started coughing. She managed to pull the Mercury Power Stick out and call...

Tim: 1-555-Goddess. Wow, now that's a crossover I'd like ta see... Skuld handing it back to the scouts...

"Mercury Star Power!"

The transformation cleared the black cloud around her. Her breasts quickly deflated to their original size. She sighed.

Graham: She had LIKED being a DD cup.

"Mercury Icestorm Slash!"

Tim: Stupid new made up move!

She spun several times and released the icy water blade. The black smoke cleared, but Serena was still out cold. Sailor Mercury thought for a minute. That's one of Puwlob's attacks. He must be inside Serena. She might blow up again if I don't get that demon out of her quick. I'll just have to use my Mercury Bubbles, since it's the weakest power I have.

All: Weakest of the weak, lowest of the low.

"Mercury Bubbles!" She yelled bringing her hands together. A small glowing blue bubble appeared in them. She raised it to her lips and blew into it as she used to. Then Sailor Moon screamed.

Graham: for the pleasure and the pain?

Mercury lowered the bubble and looked at Sailor Moon. She was now kneeling on the ground crying. Her suit seemed like it was stretched out from her chest down, but she thought it was nothing.

"Quit being a baby, Sailor Moon!" she yelled. "This won't hurt a bit."

She raised the bubble and blew again. The bubble grew to the size of her head. She was ready to pop it and release the Mercury Bubbles when she heard a rip. She lowered it again and gasped at what she saw. Sailor Moon's top was torn open and her breasts were sticking out. Then rest of her Sailor Scout outfit disappeared and she was back in her regular clothes, except that her breasts were stretching her shirt a lot.

Max: This is some descriptive imagery I can do with more of...

"Hold on! I'll-" then she was stopped by two thoughts.

Tim: 1- I'm in a crappy SI fic. 2- I'll go attack the author instead.

She ruined my date tonight! And what's more is that she's the only one that gets all the credit! I'm tired of being second banana! She thought. This was very unusual for Ami/Sailor Mercury to want revenge for all the shit she's been through.

Max: Hey, the author just admitted the girl was OOC!

She took the bubble and blew into it some more. This time she had the revenge thought in her head. The bubble kept growing along with Serena's tits. Serena's shirt ripped open exposing her blown-up DDD-boobs (she wasn't wearing a bra as you can tell). She didn't stop, however. Serena could only lay back and cry while her breasts towered over her. Then there was a shriek, and the demon balloon flew out of her mouth. A black smoke rose from the balloon. The black smoke growled and then solidified and took the shape as a large floating demon with large claws and sharp teeth, red eyes and the whole black-flying-demon bit. Sailor Mercury popped the bubble. Hundreds of shiny little bubbles flew out.

Sailor Mercury forgot one thing: she couldn't destroy Puwlob. The demon flew at her through the bubbles. Then as Puwlob was about to slash her, an energy shot hit him and made him back away.

Tim: Ten bucks says me and a wepon can take that little monster in a minute flat.

She turned around ready to yell "Sailor Venus! Thank you! I was in deep shit." But she saw a teenage boy dressed in a black starship captain's uniform with gold trim. He had two small laser guns in his hands. His hair was a wavy brown and he wore glasses. Of course, it was Neil.

All: No it wasn't. You just want us to THINK it was!

"Neil!" Sailor Mercury yelled.

She was really glad it was Neil.

All: No she wasn't. You just want us to THINK she was!

"Venus is at an orgy or something. So it's Captain Neil. Warrior of the Cyclone!" Captain Neil said.

Graham: Really now Niel, don't hide the fact of how much you hate all the other scouts...

He looked at Serena uncontrollably crying.

"Always hated Serena. What a bitch!" He said presenting her with a middle finger. "Yeah, and you too asshole!" He gave Puwlob the same.

Graham: If there's anything you want to tell us, go ahead. We're listening.
Tim: Speak for yourself. I've got the eternal blue disc in and I'm cranked full volume.

Puwlob turned and flew off toward the city.

"I'll handle the demon, you take care of tits over there. We'll try this date again, Ami. You may even want to just pop Serena before she hurts your ears with that annoying cry - she keeps getting in the way anyway." he said and ran off toward the city.

As a Scout member, she couldn't possibly pop her leader. Could she?? Sailor Mercury got an idea. She grabbed the balloon lying on the ground. She blew twice in it and then inhaled. She felt a tingle in her bosom, and then her breast size increased to a D. Her scout uniform was barely able to contain them.

Then she heard sirens and told the crying Serena to "stay put", and added "bitch" with a whisper. She jumped off to follow Neil and show him Sailor Balloon Breasts. But while leaving, she took the pin she found in from her pocket and threw it backwards over her shoulder.

"No exhaling this time, you fucked up meatball head." she said.

Serena was still crying and inflating. And didn't see it coming.

Later, they found Serena...... in pieces.

All: SNUFF FIC?

Next day... in school...
Ami ran up to Neil during class change.

"Well? What happened?" Neil asked.

"Serena won't bother us any more!" Ami said and started laughing. "And I got something out of it too!"

She pointed at her new D-Cups. Neil laughed.

"It doesn't matter to me what size they are. I always thought you were the cutest. [Guilty as charged]. Anyway, seems you've seen one of Puwlob's morphs. He can solidify his body to a reckless demon. You got really lucky. He only morphed halfway. I doubt I could beat him in his true form."

Tim: I COULD!

Suddenly Neil turned pale.

"Holy fuck!" He yelled.

"What?" Ami asked.

Serena strolled down the hall. She was still in one piece. Her breasts had grown to DD-cups.

"Why the hell aren't you dead?!?!" They both asked.

Max: Because she has top billing. DUH.

"What?" Serena said. "You mean this isn't the sequel? By the way, when are you two going to

Tim: Bad Scary Movie two Joke AHOY!
Max: Wow, we got the first pick this time! I think it's a first!

screw, Ami's new boobs will go perfect with his huge dick. I just have to get the camera! It'll be a Kodak moment all right! Anyway they're still not as big as mine." She laughed pointing to them.

Serena was definitely lying. Neil knew it. Suddenly there was a bang and the moon girl's breasts were smaller than before. Neil had stuck a pin into her.

"Using balloons eh? How fucked up are you anyway, Meatball ass? Or should I say, Meatball Tits?" Neil asked

Graham: Neither. Puddin-butt, on the other hand...

Serena stormed down the hallway.

"What a dumbass!" Neil muttered to Ami. "She's the star of the show. She'll always find a way back to life! Moon revival or some shitty item she's got! Oh by the way, she won't be cheating on any more tests. I already turned her into Ms. Haruna, so she failed her for that test."

Graham: Okay... How the hell did he learn about that?
Tim: Author power. Also known as GODBOY if done in a way where it isn't humorous.

"That really pisses me off." Ami said.

Max: This FIC really pisses me off.

Ami dropped her books and ran over to Serena.

"What now?" Serena asked still walking.

Ami grabbed a hose from a nearby fire hose, lifted Serena's dress, and shoved it up her ass through her panties, and turned it on.

All: ENEMA!

Serena dropped her books and fell over from the force of her stomach and breasts ripping through her school uniform. Serena was now filling with water in her chest and stomach on the floor.

"Help me!" Serena yelled and began to cry again.

Serena's tits and tummy were flooded to beanbags and weighed her on the ground. And they were still getting bigger. Ami walked back to Neil.

"Feel better?" Neil asked "I certainly do!"

Max: Permission to Kill, Sir.
Tim: Permission denied.
Max: BUT!
Tim: No buts! You are not to let the pain and suffering of this individual end, do you read me?
Max: YES SIR!

"Yeah." Ami said. "Wanna go for a burger after class?"

Graham: Can we get some cheesecake instead?

"Sure."

They walked off toward the next class.

"Still looks like a ugly whore..." Neil said.

Tim: At least he has an honest opinion of himself.

About a minute later...
"Well well well!" the first perverted kid said. "If it isn't over-inflated ego Serena. In more ways than one now. I feel like having some fun."

"Same here, man!" the other said.

"What are you two doing?!? Help me out, you dumb fucks! Turn the fucking hose off!" Serena's muffled voice yelled through her water-balloon body.

"Why don't we do this instead?" the first said.

The two jumped backwards and landed on Serena's car-sized chest.

POP!

Five minutes later...
Soaking wet, the two boys looked at each other.

All: FIVE MINUTES?

"Well? Feel like whacking off, man?" the first asked.

"Same here, man!" the other replied. "We're soaking wet already, no one will notice."

They stumbled into the girls bathroom and were met by screams from the girls in there.

"Hey, got some nice boobies here!"
"Same here, man!"

SLAP!
SLAP!

Tim: That was the most pointless ending sequence I've seen in awhiles... And we are OUTTA HERE!

(The outer room)
Tim: One good thing about this fic. It didn't really drag Jupiter into it too much... Other than that, this was a Godboy SI hook myself up with a sailor- fic. Which is an absolute Nono.
Max: It was obvious just about the entire time, ESPECIALLY during chapter two that he was gunning down Serena for some reason. He never gave any supporting evidence for why he should try and gun her down anyways.
Graham: On top of that, he got both characters totally OOC. Serena isn't a cheating bitch, and Ami gets HIVES when she gets a love letter! She does not fair well with romance!
Tim: Speaking of which... What the hell was bit about having written the answers on the back of the test? That made no sense whatsoever to me, and I'm able to comprehend thinker fics! Anyways, on the plus side, we got out first bits of fan mail the other day. Three letters by Orravan, and two by Pikapi something.

I've already responded to these as an author, but I figure that still gives fic ME the right to respond. Here we go.

Wow!
I can't believe it. I'm blushing. I'm also ecstatic.

Graham: He saying what I think he's saying?

It was a dream that one day my crappy old fanfiction would be MiSTed. You did a bang-up job, too. Loved it. I'm blushing at my ... admittedly shunned.... older fiction. I'm ecstatic because it's a really good MiSTing.
I'm repeating myself, so, I'll just leave it with... thanks! You can only learn by watching your old stuff be disected. I'm an amateur MiSTer myself.

Max: Cool, he writes MST'S too. And I like that line about dissecting things...

Anyway, now that I'm not hyper, I'd like to begin explaining myself.
This was my first attempt at an epic crossover fanfic. It failed badly. As you can see, I was pretty new to this. BTW, I didn't know about Deadside (or Shadow Man) before I wrote this, so it was entirely my fault for making an accidental reference. Dethyl/Dethel (I forget his actual name spelling) was from LOZ: Link's Awakening, because I thought he was a cool villian. The KAIOKEN (correcting my old spelling) was an attack because I always saw it be used before an attack, so I assumed it was an attack. Plus, this was almost entirely supervized by my friend Kevin. He insisted on calling Marill Pikablu, might I add.

Max: So HE'S the one we should hunt down with flamethrowers?
Tim: Not now Max. Though this does beg the question of why you chucked Kevin in, but...

It's not his fault... he does his own over-the-top crossover stuff, too. You think what I write is bad? No offence to him, but he makes even MORE Super Saiya-jinn levels (like Ultra Saiya-jinn lv. 9... which is Super Saiya-jinn level 4 times a billion), and that's the least convuluted thing he's done.

Graham: Ouch... I beg your forgiveness. SEND US ONE OF HIS THINGS!

Anyway, thanks for hazing my writing. I'm eternally greatful.
--Jacob

All: You're welcome.

PS. I still forget about that spelling check button, as you can see.

Tim: Yeah, I can see it.

Reading your MiSTing is like getting an enema of pure joy!
--Jacob

All: Is that a good thing?
Max: And this next one is from Pikapi?

Meiran was Wufei's wife. She was killed in a battle.
Her nickname was Nataku, that's why he called his Gundam
that.

Tim: Gundam Wripoff gets more and more convoluted the more I learn about it...

Just thought you might like to know.

Duo was raised in a catholic church, and was in training
to be a priest. Why do you think he wore that priest
colar?

Max: Because it was fashionable?
Tim: Well, he certainly doesn't act catholic to me... hell, he was "living in sin" with Hilde. Mine gott, religion is a fun thing to dissect, especially since the christian religion STOLE about half of its dogma and things, but more on that later. I believe now's as good a time as any to cut feed. SEEYA!
(signal end)

THE END

"What are you two doing?!? Help me out, you dumb fucks! Turn the fucking hose off!"


Send Email to Me at Ktnablade@AOL.com
or Graham at Gmantis14@AOL.com
or Max at ThisAddressDoesNotExist@AOL.com

Whew, done. And it only took me a week or so to do it! I started this at a college program and finished today. All I have to do is the opening sequence, which I save for last, and then its off to finally capping off number twenty, working on twenty one, and then ONTO SE5!
Oh, and, as always...

Comments appreciated, flames laughed at.

I seriously wonder how you can stomach reading such fics all the way to MST them-- I gave up at about 60% of the fic. I'm also curious about what would happen if you MST one of my own fics, e.g., the one where Sailor Moon goes nuts, hijacks the Devil Gundam, and picks a fight with a tentacle demon. (Note: tentacle demons are no match for Gundams.)