StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Tim Jewett 08/01/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.

"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"

Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.

If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)

(Satellite of Lust, Into the out of.)
Tim: Ya know what? I'm bored. Wanna head down to the mall before Artlu calls? I'm planning on buying a shitload of videogames.
Graham: Sure, why not.
(Thirty minutes later at the mall.)
Tim: Say, does that crazy person laughing maniacally look familliar to you?
Graham: Isn't that Flynn?
Tim: Shall we?
Graham: Yes.
Tim: HEY SHITSTAIN! Sit on a drill and spin it!
(Flynn throws his spiky ball at Tim. It does nothing)
Graham: Actually, it is snagging his shirt a lot...
Tim: Graham want to have some fun, or should we finish him off?
Graham: Let me have some fun.
(Graham rushes at Flynn, who draws the huge sword. Graham ducks, and the sword goes wild, swinging Flynn around with it.)
Tim: Um.. Gun time.
(Flynn draws the gun and fires at Tim. After firing twenty shots, Flynn realizes he must now obey law TWO of hollywood villians. World's worst aim. He draws his BFG, and fires it several times. Tim dodges every time, since the BFG takes several second to fire a new round and its shots propagate at the rate of a few feet per second. Tim hops in close and slices flynn's head off in one swift motion)
Graham: That was anticlimactic.
Tim: He's a hellspawn. You told me that chopping his head off would be enough to kill him. Oh, hey, It's time to go in for the movie. Unfortunately, we're too late to have any banter with Artlu. Damn. Hold on. Emergency theatre teleport initiated.
(The two are teleport to the theatre, where Max is already sitting in his usual spot. Tim and Graham hop into their usual spots as well)

50 REASONS TO AND NOT TO WATCH POKEMON (by nahonagos)

Tim: Otherwise known as "More than fifty reasons to tear Nahonagos new assholes" (By Tim)

1.In the movie, I'm told Ass dies! (The ONLY reason to watch that shit movie!)

Max: Wouldn't that be a reason TO watch the movie?

2. I just called Ash Ass!

Graham: Hee-ha. Hee-ha.

3. You get to make fun of it!
4. You get to watch the little whore!
5. You get to watch the guy with no eyes!
6. You get to watch Ass!

Tim: Those are all reasons to watch the show, you realize.

7. You get to watch the little demon rat thing get the shit beat out of it

All: Flynn?

8. Yes, i will be calling Ash Ass this entire list
9. Hell, i'll call him Ass in big letters
10. Like this: ASS
11. I think ASS is gay!

Graham: How did that song go, Tim?
Tim: (singing) They went into viridian forest
and got lost, despite their best,
attempts to find their way...
Ash teased Misty with a bug she thought was a beast
and the sexual tension's obvious, to me at least
yeah, they're just like Ranma and Akane...

12. He f***s Brock all night!
13. Am i offending you Pokemon fans?

Graham: No, just intelligent people everywhere.
Max: Which actually does exclude a good number of pokemon fans. Not to insult all pokemon fans. Hell, we all like the games, but your Normal pokefan isn't quite right in the head.
Tim: Which fanfiction.net proves beyond a shadow of a doubt...

14. Well, fuck you!

All: NO THANK YOU!

15. I can write whatever the hell i want in here!
16. It's under the...uh...one of the amendments!

Tim: Number one, dumbass. Freedom of speech, religion, press, and other sundry items are guarunteed under it. It is, however, not intended to be used for stupid ramblings such as this list.
Graham: However, a later amendment states that first amendment rights are withheld when you write something stupid like this and especially so when you start speaking to the audience to fill in the list like you are doing now.

17. Pokemon has NO PLOT
18. It's gay!

Max: Can a TV show have an alternate sexual preference?

19. As my freind said, "It sucks hairy ball-sacks"

Tim: Or was it you he was talking about?

20. Personally, Pokemon scares me!

Graham: He has nightmares about Magikarp!

21. THE ONLY THING THAT DAMN YELLOW RAT SAYS IS PIKACHU!
22. I'm pretty sure i'm misspelling it's name, but oh well!

Tim: Actually, you were on target. Ironic, ain't it?

23. Anyone see that South Park episode? They bash it a million times harder than I am right now!

Max: No, they don't. They bash anime in general. Now MAD magazine, on the other hand...

24. Well, maybe I bash a little harder, but what the hell
25. Those eyes......they never blink........creepy
26. The eyes are way too big! Like Sailor-moon size!

Tim: Considering the fact that both damn series are fuckin' anime, I'm not surprised...

27. It's drainging money out of American families!

Graham: Oh, and Power rangers, legos, tranformers, action figures, video games, etc, etc. AREN'T?

28. That song is annoying as shit!

Tim: One CD fifteen tracks, another, sixteen, a third, seventeen, a fourth, three, I think. I'm sure we ALL know what fucking pokesong you speak of...

29. In one episode i saw, a hard-ass had one

All: Yes? One what?

30. That scares me

All: THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT THAT!

31. I fell like jumping several numbers ahead
37. See? just jumped ahead like 6 numbers!

Graham: Do us a favor, skip the rest.

38. Maybe i should rename this 44 reasons to and not to watch Pokemon
39. Naw, if i rename it, it will probably be 50 reasons to and not to watch crap!

Tim: Fecal matter certainly isn't interesting to stare at for hours, is it?

40. I'm enjoying myself right now
41. Bashing pokemon is fun!
42. It's so easy!

Max: While I agree with you on that fact, I don't agree on your execution of it.
Tim: Do it like I do it. In an actually friggin funny way!

43. I think i'll insult the main characters some more
44. Ass and the guy with no eyes are gay

Graham: Ash and Brock, on the other hand...

45. Why does the slut in training hang out with those two losers?

Tim: Britney Spears does not hang out with Beavis and Butthead!

46. What the hell is the big deal with that one yellow demon rat?
47. I've been told it's the strongest,
but come on! I could kill it by hitting it with my wang!

Graham: I really wonder if you have proof to substantiate that fucked up claim.

48. Pika- Pika *BAM*
49. Oh my god! I killed the little yellow bastard demon rat!

Max: No you didn't. And Quinn is mighty pissed that you A: mistook him for a pikachu, B: called him a rat, and as an afterthought C: tried to kill him.

50. PARTY!!!!!

All: Yeah! Let's trash this author's house!

Things the Pokemon Characters Would Only Say if Someone Spiked Their Drinks...2!
By Meredith
Misty: Aw no! Not a-darn-GAIN!! Ash: What's da big deal, Mist? Misty: Remember that stupid fic that made us look like crud?

All: WHICH ONE?

Ash: You mean the one where I sang "It's Gonna be Me" and the Digimon theme song? Misty: Yes... It's... IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!!! Ash and Misty: WHY US, LORD???!?
Misty: I'll bet she doesn't even need a disclaimer! Satoshi wouldn't even _WANT_ this!

Max: Yes, Because Ash has a sense of decency. What, you didn't know that Pokemon's main star was named after it's creator?
Tim: You realize that makes it one of the few decent SI's in existence? Oh, and Gary, real name Shigeru, was named after the guy who made Mario, Zelda, and all that other stuff.

Ash: If there's any hentai (or above PG- rated crud), I'm gonna sic Charizard and Pikachu on her.

Graham: Oh give me a break...

Misty: Nah. She may be SICK IN THE HEAD! YA HEAR ME, LADY??!?!?!, but she's not a perverted freak!

Max: No, apparently she's a Superfreak.
All: (singing) She's a superfreak, superfreak! She's superfreaky... She's the freaky kind girl... that you don't take home to motha...
Max: And I doubt this girl has the actual British title of "Lady"

Ash: Well, there IS some mercy in this world, after all!
Tomoko: Hi, the author wants me to say something for her! Ash and Misty: Author's pet. Ash: Who ARE you, anyway? Tomoko: I'm from Sailor Moon, now quiet! ::Takes deep breath:: The

Tim: And that's supposed to impress us, Sailor dies when she attacks?

author would like to dedicate this to all of the people who reviewed her last one and liked it so far! These people are: SpiritDog, Infinity Night, Meowth ("with some more," but I don't think that's part of their name), Tasia, Mewberries, White Fang, Sailor Jupiter/Princess Zelda of Hyrule, Kitsume Ishida, CheeseWizardmon, Tenshi_Mew2, Charlotte Pixie, and Atticus! ::Gasps for air:: Holy shackamoly... Any lines suggested by someone else will be in a different color, and will be credited at the end of the fic. Ash: People actually LIKED that crud thing??!?!? Tomoko: Yeah, get over it. Now, on with the show! ::Smiles:: Ash and Misty: ::Groan::
Meowth: I don't know if it's the candlelight or the beer talking, but you are one sexy lady Jessie!
Mrs. Ketchum: Ew! Who threw up hairballs on my clean floor!
Meowth: (slurred with a beer in his hand) Soooooorrrrrrryyyyyyyy!!!!!!! I had a few too many rides on the roller coaster!
Ash: Wow! That was one great motto, Team Rocket!
Brock: Yeah, say it again!

Max: They might say that sarcastically, actually.

Jessie: WHO let da dogs out? Woof, woof woof woof...

Graham: If you're here, they must've let'em out...

Brock: HELLOOOO, Nurse! Are you by any chance related to any of the other Nurse Joys?
Nurse Joy: Oh yes, I'm the daughter of the Joy who went insane and killed all the Pokemon in her center! ::smiles like she said something normal::

Max: What, you mean she DIDN'T?

Ash: ::Gets a crew cut:: YAY!! Finally, no more hat hair!
Mewtwo: Hello, you foolish humans! I am much more powerful than when you last saw me! I have been battling Magicarp to become a Super Mew like your little friend, Ash! Come on, let's have a difficult battle in which you, the good guy, will somehow come out on top, no matter what I do or what it costs you! Let's get it on, my brother from the planet Mew!
Ash: Go-ash, leave.

Tim: You mean, Ash-han.

"Go-ash": But daddy...
Ash: GO STAY WITH BROCKALO!!!!

Graham: You mean, Brockyrrin.

"Go-ash": Oh, all right. I never get to do anything fun...
Ash: Hey Mist, ya ready?

Max: You mean Mistchi.

Misty: That is IT!!!! Quit acting like you're from DBZ, you guys! It makes you look too sexy!

All: (sweatdrops the size of Idaho)

Ash and Mewtwo: Aw, I never get to have any fun...
Ash: Hey, somebody spiked my cafe latte!
Giovanni: Finally, I and my group of Rocket Eaters will kill you! Try and dodge this AVADA KEDAVRA, Ash Ketchum! Oops, I got you. ::sobs:: It was over so FAST!!!!

Tim: I'm not sure which is worse. The crossing of Poke and Potter, or the fact that she hasn't had a decent break between any of the sets yet.

Ash: Aw [insert any cuss word here]

All: Any cuss word.

Misty: I'm going upstairs.
Ash: Why?
Misty: I'm tired.
Ash: Why?
Misty: Zachary and Tim.

Tim: Hey, who's this Zach guy? I'm the one who chased her with my Dragon Axe!

Ash: Drop-kick their little @$$e$.

Tim: I'd like to see you try!

Misty: It's hard being a preschool teacher.
Ash: It's Miller time.
Misty: I'll join ya.

Tim: Any clue? personally, I got nothin'
Graham: Less than that.
Max: Below absolute zero.

Misty: ALOHOMORA!!!
Jessie: Just chill out.
James: I'm not doing ANYTHING with HER.

Max: We never accused you of doing so. We have evidence, but we never accused you.

Jessie: We're gonna blow up the world.
James: I'd like to put everyone in solitary confinement.

Graham: And WE'D like to put YOU, JESSIE, MEOWTH, AND THE AUTHOR into solitary especially.

Jessie: Truth and love are great, and even if they weren't, we wouldn't do anything ABOUT it.
James: I'm just gonna keep my square foot of land, thanks.
Jessie: Miyamoto.
James: Kojiro.

Tim: Ain't Kojiro japanese for chicken?

Jessie: Rocket team, we dig slowly.
James: Keep going guys, we aren't gonna do anything.
Meowth: That's wrong, Meowth.
Misty: U* y**r*, sisters!

Max: Ya know, PG ratings do allow you to swear and occasionally say fuck and shit and crap like that. Hell, crap's a PG rating word! Up yours doesn't need censoring at all.

Mrs. K: I'm gonna tell you who Ash's father is. Even ASH doesn't know who it is. Wanna guess?
Misty: Giovanni?

Tim: Popular theory, but Giovanni's Italian. Ash isn't.

Brock: Lance?

Graham: He's in his twenties. Ash is eleven.

Ash: Mom, you already told me.
Mrs. K: I did?
Ash: Yeah, I visited him last year.
Mrs. K: Who is it? I forgot.
Ash: Seymour the scientist, mom, don't you remember?

Max: Just plain wrong!
Graham: I bet his dad's one of the Elite four though...
Tim: Wanna know who he is related to?
Graham: Who?
Tim: On his mother's side, Genma, Ranma, and Ryu Saotome. Or at least he acts enough like Ranma to be a cousin, not that I think it's actually the case, though damn would it be hilarious. For those of you who have no clue what the hell I'm talking about, bugger off, or read Rumiko Takahashi's Ranma 1/2. In the case of the Author, It'd have to be Bugger off, since there's Nudity, Violence, sexual themse, a transgendered martial artist who switches genders with a turn of the weather... Basically, all the sort of things that make good anime. IE, believable characters. And yes, I AM being serious.

~Author's note: I'm doing a fic with that soon, so steal it before my fic's out and die. You can do it after mine's up-if you actually WANT to.~

Tim: Like anyone'd WANT to steal it...

Ash: Aw man, now that Tracey's gone, I don't get to look at any of his "sketches"...

Tim: As one who appreciates art, I liked Tracy, the boy could fuckin' DRAW!

The entire cast: AAMRN FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!

Max: Whatever the hell THAT is...
Tim: Ash And Misty Romance Novels. Considering that they like each other, Ash and Misty WOULD say that.

Richie: Before I came here, I psychically influenced Team Rocket members to divert trainers so I could win all my battles. When I defeated my only friend, I realized I was addicted. That night, I attended my first WFA meeting, and I haven't done it since. I lost my match, but I won back my life. Thanks, Winning Freaks Anonymous!

Graham: Riiiight... you just go on smoking whatever it is you've been smoking Meredith...

Ash/Gary/Misty/Brock: Hey, I can catch that Meowth! I probably wouldn't want to train it, but I could sell it for big bucks! Pikachu/Arcanine/Staryu/Onix, GO!!!
Meowth: Yipe!

Tim: Ya know, if you had some decent breaks so we could tell when the hell you were done with a line set, it would help this crap out a WHOLE lot. Besides. I already caught him and sold him to the rockets. Four or five times, actually.

Ash: It's ho-down time! What we need from the audience is a topic!
Voice: ::Above all others:: The person who ticks me off most!
Ash: All right, it's the person who ticks me off most HO-DOWN!!!!!! Laura Hall on the piano, let's start Brock.

Tim: Who's Laura Hall? Bring me Richard Vranch and shove HIM on the damn Piano!

Brock: ::Singing::
The guy who ticks me off, gee it's hard to tell.
Well there is one guy, I don't know him well.
Maybe that's why, he seems like such a cad,
Have fun with Susie, Mister! Uh, Bye-bye Dad!

All: LAME!

::Steps back and does funky country dance::
Ash: ::steps up::
The guy who ticks me off, that is not real hard.
Er... He thinks he is worthy, of a stinking bard.
The egotistic blowhard, who thinks he is real scary,
Well, whadaya think? He's over there, right Gary?

Tim: Eh, half the guys from my school, what?

::Ash steps back and high-fives Brock. Gary is fuming::
Misty: ::steps up::
You can think of some guys, that I'm likely to say.
Well, I'll save those losers for another day,
That is why, Ash is not in tears,
Daisy, Violet, Lily! You can go.. right here.

Max: (Looking at a map) Tierra del fuego?

::Steps back, receiving high-five from Ash, who's saying, "that's funny! You're implying this is..." Misty says, "SH, Gary's going." ::
Gary: :Steps up::
That darned loser Ash just wants to steal my thunder!
All my medals, and trophies he will plunder!
Oh my GOSH, he really ticks me off,
I say to Ash, You can just *BEEP* off!
Ash/Misty/Brock: I am sure as heck not repeating that!

Tim: CAN I?
All: (Singing) You can just fuck off!

Ash: Hey mom, where's Dad?

Graham: In china, searching for some cursed training ground he heard about from your uncle.
Tim: You know, has nobody ever assumed Ash's dad is A: DEAD, B: Employed in a job where he travells a lot- which would make that thing legitimate- or C: Prof. Oak?
Max: Hehe... "Gary, I am your UNCLE!"

Misty: Pay me back for my bike RIGHT NOW Ash Ketchum, or I swear no one is EVER gonna know what happened to you! Not even the Digletts!

Max: Of course we'll never know what you to behind closed curtains...

Ash and Misty: I'm driving down highway 40 in my big old pickup truck...

All:(singing) Oh, we're driving a truck, drivin' a big ol' truck, Smokey's on our tail and our accelerator's stuck...

Ash: Why don't YOU wear what Gary's cheerleaders wear, Misty?

Tim: She does, just not on screen. Besides, a cheerleading outfit is about as revealing as what she usually wears.

Ash: I speak fluent Japanese, Latin, Pig Latin, Gibberish, Pikachu, and Girl!
Misty: WHAT THE BLINKING HECK DO YOU _MEAN_, "GIRL"?!?!?!?!?
Ash: ::innocently:: That means she's ticked.

All: We know, we speak 'girl' too.
(All the girls the trio know are suddenly standing behind them with various devices of pain and torture. The floor falls away beneath them.)
Tim: See, it pays to install crap like that. Besides, shouldn't you speak english too?

Brock: I invented the internet!

Max: No, I did, after I invented time travel and made that cure for cancer!

Jessie: Did you put the big stone thingy-thing up, James?
James: Yep, our promulgation of ancient Babylonian laws is all set!
Misty: What's that?
Ash: My supply of Revives, Potions, and Ultra Balls.

All: Ummm, how the hell does that sound drunken?...

~Again, thanks for all the reviews! I hope that this is as good as the last one.~
Misty: You mean as BAD.

All: YOU SURE AS HELL DO!

~Shouldn't you be bugging Dragoness or UMJ or someone? I mean, Dragoness kicks @$$ but you've been through a lot worse in her fic.
~ Ash: WHAT??!
~That's why it's good!~
Ash: What did she do to me??!
~Not much! You just get harassed by Team Rocket, and are forced to join, and Giovanni kicks your butt...Er, you look really great in them!~
Ash: Really? Okay. What about this UMJ guy?
~Er.... I never read his fics, but Charles "Rocketboy" Reilly hates him, and one of his fics is called, "How Ash Finally Got to Wash his @$$". That sounds SO cra**y.~

Tim: You can say crappy, ya know, and yours aren't much better!

Ash: DARN STRAIGHT!!! But... Okay, let's strike a deal. You can do whatever you want, and we get to stay here and bug you.
~Okay, Ash.~
Ash and Misty: YAY!!! We still get the free donuts! ~DONUTS???~
Ash: Yeah, they're in the lobby.
~Whatever... Looks like I'm in business! More of these'll keep coming out as long as I have time and ideas! Thank you Meowth and Atticus for your contributions! If you have any, feel free to put them in your review! I will put them in (as long as they aren't too dirty). Thanks, and please R&R!~
Farewell,
Meredith (Ash: And Ash! Misty: And Misty too!)

Max: R&R? Rip and Ream?

Things People on Pokemon Would Only Say If Somebody Spiked Their Drinks... 3!
By Meredith
Ash: It's nice having a truce with the author, right Mist?
Misty: Whadaya MEAN "Mist"??!

Tim: Remember when I gave the Myst game Misty's head as an Icon and renamed the shortcut Kasumy?
Graham: Yeah, that was funny...

Ash: Yeesh! It's just a nickname!
Misty: Yeah, whatever.
Misty: Guess what? Meredith doesn't own Pokemon! I can tell you're all SO shocked...
Ash: If this ever goes above PG, we'll forget the doughnuts and haul butt out of here.

Graham: SEEYA!
Tim: What I'M shocked about is that people actually like this pointless drivel, but eh... the internet takes all kinds... unfortunately.

Ash: Anything else?
Misty: Yeah... she says rare candy is owned by Satoshi Tajiri and the rare candy that will be used HERE is owned by Zelda, but she shouldn't care, just look at her site... whatever.
Ash and Misty: Now, on to the fun stuff!

Tim: No, we can't leave the theatre, even though this ain't "fun stuff"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ash: ...and so, that's what happened to me before I came to Pallet town.
Brock: Gee Ash, I never knew...

Max: Yeah, cuz he never told you!

Tracey: Did I ever tell you about MY past?
Ash: Well, you tried, but we just brushed you off, as you are only a simplistic replacement for Brock that we don't wanna get attached to.
Tracey: ~Ignoring this~ I was on the Titanic!
Misty: Er, Tracey... wasn't that in 1916?

Graham: Feh, details, details...

Tracey: My name was Jack! I fell in love with a girl named Rose and then died in the chill Atlantic! ~Cheerfully~
Misty: Er......
Tracey: And you look remarkably like her! I hope you died an old lady, safe in your bed...

Tim: My not being surprised if Misty's name is actually Rose, and Misty just a nickname. I mean look at her sisters' names. Daisy, Violet, Lily, and... Misty. It dun fit, kids!

Misty: ~in undertone~ Ash, get to the phone. NOW.
Ash: ~Nods and leaves the room quietly~
Tracey: So, did you ever go horseback riding?
Misty: Er... ~Thinking~ Stall! ~Aloud~ Yeah!
Ash: ~in hall~ Lessee... 1-800-Mentally-insane... ~pushes phone buttons~

Tim: You realize that that number was eight over the legal limit for phone number digits?

Tracey: Remember that Ford?

Max: The one Tim blew up with the missile Launcher?

Misty: Uh... yeah...
Ash: Hello? Yeah, I'd like to report a crazy person... No, he's NOT "mentally disturbed", he's crazy!... Yes, I know what that means... Aw, come on!
Tracey: I hope you got some goldfish...
Misty: Don't you mean GOLDEEN?

Max: "Real" animals exist in the pokeverse as well. they just don't get as much upplay.
Graham: Remember the Misty mermaid ep?

Ash: Fine, a mentally disturbed person! Just cart him out!... ~sighs~ First name Tracey, last name Sketchit... No, SKETCHIT, not Etch-a-sketch... Huh? What's going on over there?... Oh, that was one of the inmates? Ah... Hey, how do I know YOU aren't an inmate?

Tim: Because I'm the warden!
Max: Crazy club for men! He's not only the warden, he's a customer!

Tracey: Oh, sorry, I mistook you for someone else.
Misty: Whew!
Tracey: Oh, THERE you are, Rose! ~everyone looks towards who he's facing~
Pikachu: Cha! ~translation will be in parentheses~ (Oh no, the insane guy thinks I'm his girlfriend!)

Tim: (Insulted) I DO FUCKING NOT!

Ash: Okay, okay, you proved yourself! Now can we get on with it? I think he's hitting on Pikachu... First name Tracey, last name Sketchit... Oh, you've been looking for him? Good... We'r on 1 Pallet drive... You can't miss it, it's the only house...

Graham: Yeah, when you live in a small valley town, its kinda like that, being the only one on your road and all...

Tracey: Didn't we have some good times, Rose?
Pikachu: Pika! (If you mean a certain something, he** no!)

All:(Jaws drop) Hell is bad language to you?
Graham: No WONDER these suck so damn much!

Ash: Come ASAP! ~hangs up; goes into living room~ HEY!! Stop hitting on my Pokemon!
Tracey: Huh? ~turns away from Pikachu~
Pikachu: ~sighs and slumps down~ Cha! (Phew!)
Tracey: ~Blissfully~ ROSE!! ~runs towards Ash~
Ash: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!! ~We cannot see what is happening~
Misty: ASH!!!!!!!
~Two men in white coats take Tracey away~

Tim: THANK GOD THAT SCENE'S OVER!

Ash: ~slumps down~ Oh Articuno, I don't think I'll EVER recover from THAT...
Tracey: ~in straitjacket~ I will escape, Rose! Nothing can stop true love!
Gary: ~inexplicably dressed as old lady~ How DARE you make out with my Ash! ~beats up Tracey with purse and fists~

All: (cock head right and get huge Anime question marks over their heads)

Misty: Ash, you deserve a good night's rest. ~takes Ash upstairs~
Brock: Hey, sleep in your OWN room!
Mrs. Ketchum: Oh Brock, how'd you like to have a cup of tea with me?
Brock: It's all clear, Delilah. We can go contact Team Rocket for our next mission.
Mrs. Ketchum: Good! ~they walk off~

Tim: Riiiight. I believe that last one as much as I believe Kasumi's a brainless dolt who has only intelligence enough to cook and... other things. And her name Is Delia, not Delilah

Pikachu:(pukes) pukachu!
Ash: Ha Ha!
Meowth: Whoa! Look at all the pretty colors going around and around and around and you'd better look everyone cause I'm gonna be sick!
(If ya don't like em, blame Meowth, not me, they're his ^_^)
Ash: You know you like Pokemon too much when...

Tim: You wear poke underwear?
Graham: You dress your kids up like them, or name them Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, etc.?
Max: You write a series of unbroken lines that have absolutely nothing to do with the personalities of the real characters whatsoever?

Ash: And here we are once again for another HO-DOWN!!! You may have noticed the really big guys with mallets standing around Gary. ~Gary notices them for the first time~ These people actually BEGGED to come here. This way, if Gary says that word again, all these guys (and probably Misty) will beat the living crud out of him.

Graham: You're conservative, aren't you?
Tim: Most people don't give a flying rat's ass whether you swear or not. I sure as flargin' hell don't.

Gary: Hey, you're allowed to say crud!

All: Yes, you are.

Ash: "Crud" isn't the swear word of swear words, Gary.

Tim: Neither are "Crap, Fuck, Shit, Hell, Ass, Damn, etc., etc.", In fact, none of the common swear words are!
Max: Yeah, the swear word of all swear words is "Oscar."

Gary: Humph...
Ash: Okay, we need a topic!
~Loud guy yells "the Author!" above everyone else~
Ash: Okay, the topic is Meredith, the author of this!
~Music starts~
Brock: ~steps up~
Sure, I don't have a big role in Meredith's fanfics,
But it could be worse, life could be the pits,
Maybe sometimes, I'd like to curse her name,
But then I remember, her punishments ain't tame!

Tim: (polishing a buster gun) Compared to US, they have to be.

~HEY!! yells one voice. Amid clapping, Brock steps back~
Misty: ~steps up~
This author, doesn't treat me bad,
Doesn't make me pair up, with a real big cad,
Doesn't diss my Togepi much, though I know she'd like to,
And most of all, doesn't make us get new hairdos!
~muttering~ Da*n that's lame... ~steps back~
Ash: ~steps up~
So I like this girl, she's a darn good author,
Situations and language, really don't go too far,
Doesn't make me, look like a big wuss,
Plus she likes me! That is a big plus!

Ash: (from nowhere) I'd more likely diss the shit out of her than suck up.

~whispers to Misty sarcastically~ Bet _that_ made you feel better... ~steps back~
Misty: Actually, it did... how sweet...
Gary: ~steps up~
Meredith da author! That's a da*n bad screen name,
And I know she, really thinks that I'm lame,
To top it all she likes, that big old dumb Ash,
I think her fanfics, really all suck a**!

All: We ALL agree with you on that one, Gary.

Brock, Misty and Ash: ~like the repetition of the last line on the ho-down~ Hey you guys, that counts!
~Big guys with mallets jump on Gary and proceed to beat the cra* out of him~

Tim: Tim Proceeds to beat the shit out of the big guys with mallets. Not that I like Gary, but without Shigeru, there'd be no Mario, No Starfox, no Zelda. NO POKEMON, Meredith.

James: ...A little bit of Tina's, all I seek, a little bit of Rita's, all I need, A little bit of Mary, in the sun, a little bit of Erika, all night long,... (mambo #5, if I got the lyrics wrong)

Graham: Why's he need all them for? He's boinkin' Jessie almost daily!

Ash: ~to opponent while battling~ I hate this, so do you, let's all just say whoop-de-do...
( This is ALL mine. I made it up in P.E. practicing soccer skills for speedball.)

Tim: No wonder it stinks worse than my socks after I've worn them and let them have three days of being wrapped in herring guts.
Max: Harsh.

Ash: You're my last hope. Pidgeot, GO!!!!!!!

All: That's not that odd...

Brock: Don't ya just LOVE keg parties? ~passes out~
Misty: What're ya doing, Ash?
Ash: Writing Pokemon fanfiction!
Misty: What's that?
Ash: Rare candy.

Tim: Brock was actually drunk there, so it doesn't count.
Graham: Hey, it IS his series, Ash can write whatever he wants to.
Max: And for something's sake, Rare candy exists in the anime too! TM's do, why not Rare candies?

Misty as Announcer: Ash Ketchum, you've just become a Pokemon Master! What're ya going to do now!
Ash: I'm gonna kiss you!
Misty: Hey, that's not your line! Oh well, that's fine! ~smiles coyly~

Graham: That ain't drunken, they do that on their own...

Everyone but Prima, Richie, Gary, and the occasional Jenny and Joy: Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game...

All: (Go Toranoken for six seconds. Fic is paused for three hours while a new theatre is hauled in) And who the hell is Prima?

Ash: Team Rocket! What're YOU doing??!??!
Jessie: Duh, twerp, it's Sunday, this road heads to a beach, I'm wearing a bikini and James is wearing boxer shorts, WHERE D'YA _THINK_ WE'RE GOING??!?!?!?
Ash: A broom closet...
Misty: Or one of those beaches where... you know.

Tim: No, we don't. Please tell us.

Brock: If you are going there, can I come?
Misty: Like you'll ever find a date, Brock!
Brock: Well, just last week I went into a closet!
Misty: That must be nice, the FIRST time.
James: You know, that doesn't actually sound too bad...
Ash: ~staying out of Misty and Brock's fight~ Hotel room would be better... Just don't have fun in public, okay?
Meowth: DOSE two don't even know what you're talking about! Ha!
Ash: Ha! Yeesh, and I thought _I_ was innocent...

All: But we know he ain't!

Pikachu: Ash, GO! Futile Dreams attack!
Ash: Welcome to Fantasy Island!
(I'm doing something with that if I ever get it typed. So don't steal!)

Tim: (emptying Meredith's room of All belongings) Huh, you say something? Oh well...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Meredith: So, here we are, at the end of another fun-filled day of Pokemon characters saying funny and/or stupid things! I

All: Fun... Filled? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

may get another one done during the weekend-who knows? So anyway, thanks, readers! Right, Ash? Ash? Misty? You guys!
~Looks around the... wherever, which has many doors and hallways and rooms and closets~ Hello? Oh, THERE you are! But- WHAT IN THE NAME OF ARTICUNO, LAPRAS, CHANSEY, AND HOUOU?!?!?!?!

Tim: Yes
Graham: No
Max:Maybe.
All: (Singing) I don't know. Can you repeat the question? Yer not the boss of me now, yer not the boss of me now, yer not the boss of me now, and yer not so big!

~Ash and Misty are French-kissing~
How'd THIS happen??!?! Hey, wait a sec....

Graham: Gray, may I make the totally asshole comment explaining how?
Tim: Be my guest.
Graham: *ahem* Simple, they moved their heads together until the lips were touching, then they opened their mouths and moved their tongues forward so that those were touching!

~Goes to the lobby~
Hey, someone sneaked Zelda's Rare Candy in these! ~pales~ And we know what THAT means... Er, readers, if you don't, it'll be revealed next time. Okay, I'll tell you now. It's kinda like pure, 100% proof alcohol, cocaine, and aphrodisiac made into a candy. ~looks at Ash and

Tim: (making mental calculation) So they'll get disoriented, see things, go into withdrawl symptoms later, and get horny? Why go to the trouble of the first two when number THREE'S all you need! besides, there is no such thing as 100 "percent" proof. In fact, max is 200, if I remember correctly.

Misty~ Oh cra*... Excuse me, I gotta find Mimey. If there were something else that knew Barrier, I might not, but at the moment... ~Looks at them again~ Oh, MIMEY!! I need you! Come on! ~Jumps through portal~
~Recorded Author's note~
BTW, I don't own Titanic, and if you think I'm dissing someone/thing, look at the title. When they're drunk, they could do anything. God bless you, and good night!

Max: Problem is, they dun sound DRUNK!

~Farewell,
Meredith ^_^ (As close to my own handwriting as I can get at the moment. Mine's messier, spikier, and loopier. Makes no sense. It can be rather hard to read. ^_^;)

Tim: You know, if I didn' MST in .TXT format, I'd be able to see that.
Artlu: But wait, there's more!


Things People on Pokemon Would Only Say if Somebody Spiked Their Drinks... 4!
By Meredith
Ash: ~groggy~ That wash a nice nap... Hey, something's going on here... Lessee... Tongue furry, headache, dizziness, generally feeling like cra*... Hmmm...Mom said something like that when... HEY!!!!
Misty: ~groggily~ Keep it down, Ash... HEYYYY! Somebody DID spike our drinks!
Meredith: ~will be in Violet from now on with no designation~ Actually, it was the doughnuts.
Ash: ~a few seconds behind; teasingly~ Are ya saying you've been drinking before, Misty? ~Catches up~ How the heck can you spike a DOUGHNUT??!

Tim: The same way you spike Jell-O. Inject!

It was Rare Candy.
Misty: What the heck is Rare Candy?
It's kinda like beer, cocaine, and aphrodisiac mixed together, made 100% proof, and made into a candy.
Misty: Wait a sec... aphrodisiac... isn't that...
Ash: Something that enhances romantic feelings...

Tim: Aphrodisiac- Noun- a chemical substance that sends the Libido of the recipient into overdrive. Many ancient cultures believed such odd items as Rhino horn, for example, contained these chemicals. Meaning, basically, it gets you horny. It does NOT enhance "romantic feelings".

Misty: And with beer and coke...
Ash: You could do ANYTHING, you'd be so high.

Max: Never mix uppers and downers, it can be quite hazardous, fatal even.
Graham: And if you're so damn horny anyways, you wouldn't have that much willpower to begin with!

Ash and Misty: ~pause~ HOLY CRA*!!!!!!!!!!!
Misty: We didn't DO anything, did we?
Ash: Articuno, I hope not.

Graham: What is with Ash saying "insert pokemon name here", like it means something?
Misty: (from nowhere) He never talks like that.
Tim: Note to self: Lock doors next MST.

No, I got to you in time.
Misty: Huh? Whadaya MEAN, "got to you in time"?
You were _planning_ to...
Ash and Misty: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Graham: And they're upset about this? They LIKE each other!

Don't worry, I got Mimey to use Barrier!
Ash: Oh no, now MOM'LL know!
No, MIB loaned me a memory-erasing thingy.
Misty: Oh no, now MIB will know!
~Getting frustrated~ Then I borrowed Harry Potter's wand.
Ash: Oh no, now Harry Potter knows!
THEN I borrowed Ron's wand. Then I used Hermione's wand. Memory Charms, people!
Misty: OH NO, now Ron and Hermione know!
~ready to stuff them down a drain~ Then I used MY wand!
Ash and Misty: OH NO, NOW _SHE_ KNOWS!!! WE'RE DOOMED!
~REALLY ticked off~ I KNEW IN THE _FIRST_ PLACE, YOU IDIOTS!!! ARRGH! BAKA BAKA BAKA!!!!!!!!!

Tim: And the author is a VACA VACA VACA! Y ES MUY GORDA! Y TENGA UN CULERO MUY GRANDE!
Graham: I am glad you just said all that in spanish. We'd never get it past the censors if you didn't.

Ash: Oh yeah. Sorry.
Ok, I won't kill you. ^_^ Here, I'll even do the intro. You guys can rest.
I don't own it, and I'm willing to bet YOU don't either, so what's da big deal? Yeesh!

Max: Are you so sure about that? How do you know I didn't just buy out Nintendo, Gamefreak AND Creatures?

Because _I_ don't like to read too much over the PG rating, _this_ won't go over the PG rating.

Tim: HOLD IT! this gal dun like reading over PG? She IS conservative!

You want a SUMMARY??!?!? Articuno, if you don't know by now, go read the OTHER ones first!

Graham: Okay, now I understand. the author talks like that, so they do to.
Tim: Isn't the heart of fanfiction getting characters to be themselves?

And, I'd like to dedicate this to a few special people. If you aren't on there, complain, I'll put you on next time.
To Jolteon, who only read this cause of the "FREE DOUNTS!" thing. Hey, it's kinda refreshing!
To Mewberries and AngryMew2 (AKA AngryGarurumon), 'cause I like ya. ^_^ Seriously!
To Meowth, who has consistently sent me ones to use, even when I didn't use them all cause there were a couple over da PG rating ^_^.

Max: Like that matters. You've exceeded PG13 with these innuendos you keep dropping as subtly as a Snorlax in drag, in an airport, waiting for a ditto to come along a-
Tim: Max, stop, it's for your own good.

Hmmm... to CheeseWizardmon--It's nice to have authors review you! ^_^

Tim: Not this one... It's usually a pain in the new assholes we rip you.

And, last but sure as heck not least, to Sara! God bless you! I mean, not ONLY does she have a kick-@$$ fic (read Pokemon: The live-Action Movie? You should), BUT SHE REVIEWED MY FIC!!!!!!! *sobs* It's so nice to have a review besides that utterly STUPID BAKA STUPID BAKA review by that other guy! And what's better, SHE LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* Let's

Tim: Fangirl Japanese... Hooboy... At least I keep my Japanese to a few key phrases. I recognize me ignorance of the language, and don't use it too often.

get on with the show so I can keep sobbing. THANK YOU AGAIN, SARA!!! AND JEFF!!! REMEMBER JEFF! (I'm talking about "The CD-Rom") *starts sobbing with happiness again* Thanks! It means so much to me!!!

Tim: Graham, load up the mordant cannon, we're having a send-off tonight. I can't stand this crappy tearjerker stuff. I man, hell I like a good emotional story of moment, ESPECIALLY the Lunar series, but THIS, well, BLEGH.

Jessie: Prepare for-- what the heck's going on?!?!
James: Er... Make it double, I have a thong!
Jessie: ~bashes James with the kitchen sink~ What are you DOING, twerps?!?!?!? STOP RUNNING!! ~She and James run after them~
Misty: We... can't!
Brock: Evil...Jigglypuff...
James: Oh no, we're gonna fall asleep again!
Ash: It's...worse...than...that...
Jessie: What do you mean? What could be worse than that stupid Jigglypuff ruining my makeup?
Misty: It...is... OH CRUD!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S JIGGLYPUFF!!!!!
~It is~

All: NO IT ISN'T! STOP LYING TO US!

Everyone: Oh no!!!
Brock: Kill me now...
Meowth: It ain't DAT bad!
Ash: Oh yes...it is...

Graham: They've read this fic too!

~Jigglypuff opens its mouth; Ash, Misty, and Brock scream like heck~
Jigglypuff: She's in, to superstition, black cats and voodoo dolls...
Team Rocket: OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jigglypuff: She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain... uh... but she'll take away your pain, like a bullet through your brain!

Tim: It seems that more people than we thought hate Ricky Martin. lovely. Break out the party, boys. Oh, and hand me my Sawed Off Quad Beam Gatling

~later~
Officer Jenny: ~on TV~ The bodies of five people and a couple Pokemon were found. They appear to have been tortured, yawn, be on the lookout... Aw, heck with this! I'm gonna be a supermodel!

All: Well, I can agree with that!

James: It's off to Viridian for the Earth Badge, Pikachu!
Jessie: And remember, James, you still owe me a bike!
Meowth: Not THIS again.
Misty: Prepare for trouble, this is screwed around!
Ash: Make it double, it's gonna rebound!
Misty: To show you guys REAL devastation!
Ash: By the way, whadaya _mean_, "Our nation"?
Misty: I'm a Rocketshipper, ya'll are in love!
Ash: I'm a Willowshipper! Palletshipping, UGH!

All: Rocketshipper? Willowshipper? Palletshipping? WHAT?

Misty: MISTY!
Ash: ASH!
Misty: Team Rocket put us all in in a plight!
Ash: Surrender now or get the cra* knocked out of you!
Brock: That's right!
James: Uh.. YOU'RE NEVER GETTING MY PIKACHU!
Ash: It's MY Pikachu, you dumb@$$!!!

Max: You say you don't write above PG rating, but you constantly used barely censored cuss words and right here you've used the universally known alternate for "ass". You really don't know what the hell you're doing here, do you?

James: Oh yeah, I forgot. Here.
Jessie: JAMES!!! You forgot the plan, you idiot!!
Ash: Thanks! ~Straps himself, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu onto a rocket, which he then lights~
Misty: Ash you dumb ash! What're you DOING??
Ash: We have to blast off somehow!
Misty: WHY YOU--
~The rocket blasts off~
Brock: Oh well, at least it's not a Fourth of July rocket!
Misty: Yeah, who'd be that stupid?

Tim: Oscar?
Graham: Flynn?
Max: Ash?

Ash: Me.

Max: HEY! I WAS RIGHT!

Misty and Brock: WWWWWHHATTTTT?!???!?!??!?!?!
Ash: It's the only way to kill the egg demon!
Misty: Oh no, Togepi's gonna get killed!
Ash: ~insanely~ Yes! And this death's a much better one than IT had planned!
Misty: You know Ash, evil suicidal freaks really turn me on.
Ash: So do girls who insult me!
~They start... put your own action here~

Tim: Ohhhhhh... the possibilities!...

Brock: Da*n! I never got to tell Meowth I love him!
~the rocket explodes~
James: Darn. ... Let's get married, Meowth!
Jessie: No, I wanna marry Meowth!
Meowth: Aah, marry each other. I'm engaged to Giovanni.
Ash: Whatever.
Ash: Let's go get some Rare Candy!!!
Misty: Yeah!
"Ha! Man, that was SOOO funny if I do say so myself!" Meredith laughed. With a British accent, she said, "Sometimes I amaze myself..." Back to normal, she laughed. "Ash, Misty, wasn't that rare candy one funny? Guys?" Suddenly, Meredith noticed that they weren't there. Puzzled, she started looking for them. "Come on, I wasn't insulting you! I know you aren't an evil suicidal freak, Ash! And I know they don't turn you on, Mist!"
She opened a closet door.
Her eyes widened.
She hastily closed it again, throwing her back to it.
"Oh cra*..."
~recorded Author's note~
I know this one isn't as long as usual, but man, does it have quality! As soon as I figure out more jokes for the next one,

Tim: THAT'S quality? Hell, even my Godboy SI parodies never were that lame. AND THEY WERE THAT WAY ON PURPOSE!

it'll be out. I have the little plots-- you know, the intros-- plotted out already. Things may be changing... ^_^ At the risk of partially spoiling it, Hotaru and Gary may join our crew! Or maybe Richie and Serena will! Or Setsuna and Professor Oak! I'm giving all the alternatives because if I told you which two, it would ruin some suspense. I have some Voyager fics planned, and my science project notebook is due 11-17-00. SO you may need to expect delays... See, I just like too much, write too much, and type too little. ^_^; Lessee if this looks good! ^^; ^.^; Ooh, I gotta start using those! If you'll excuse me, I have to go get some Coke, chocolate, and a book and try to forget about that closet 'till TPOPWOSISSTD...5! . ^_^

Tim: (busy recording the activities in the closet) Huh, you say something? I wasn't paying attention, too busy getting set for life by taping this NC 17 activity.

~later Author's Note~
You better like this. Man, ff.net kept saying it wasn't in .htm or .html format! It WAS!! Anyway, I had to Copy it all and put it onto a new document. Maybe it's for the best. I'll try to get at least Part 5 and 6 soon, but I have a whole lot to do. As I said, I'm a fanfiction author, and LIFE is my muse. Wait, DID I say that to y'all? Whatever. Anyway, I'd like to thank Sailor Jupiter/Princess Zelda of Hyrule for the (in my POV) shameless flattery. ME? Write good AAMRN?!? Mind-boggling! Well... I DO have an idea... ripped off of my life... If I write it, I know who to dedicate it to. So thanks! Please R&R!!

Graham: If this is based off of her life, she may be more psychotic than WE are.

^_^
~Each time, you try, gonna get just a little bit better,
Each day, you climb, it's one more step up the ladder!~
"Pokemon: The Johto Journeys" theme song
(You need the lyrics? I have them. Call me if you need them...)
Farewell,
~* Meredith* ~

Max: BON VOYAGE! SEEYA! GOODBYE! GOOD RIDDANCE! AND NEVER COME BACK!

Things People on Pokemon Would Only Say if Somebody Spiked Their Drinks... 5!
Ash: ~waking up, in armchair~ Woah.... Misty?
Misty: Hey, you woke me up!
~Dangerously~ You should be worried about more than that, Mist...
Misty: Huh? Who's there?!?!
~annoyed~ As if it's not obvious... Who ELSE do you know who speaks in purple print?!

Max: The artist formerly known as the Prince?
Tim: SaranJo?
Graham: Me?

Ash: Oh, hi. How's it going?
~Furious~ How's it going? HOW'S IT GOING?!?!?! YOU SHOULD BE IN FEAR OF YOUR LIFE!!! I'M THE AUTHOR!! AND I'M _TICKED_!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, after last night... ~lecturing~ I was afraid you were DEAD or something! You could've at least TOLD me!!! And then, I open the closet door and find... And find......
Ash: And find what?
Misty: Don't leave us in suspense here!

Tim: That's suspenseful? She falters twice and you're in suspense. RIIIIIGHT.

Hmmmm... Um...you were.... I have no clue. I seem to have blocked it from my mind. ~Shrugs~ Playing Poker?... No, I wouldn't be this ticked... Oh well, if it's _that_ bad, I suppose I'm better off not knowing. ~Glares at Ash and Misty~ As are YOU.
Ash: Oh, by the way, Mere- er, ~Meredith * Tomoko~... Geeze, what the he** were you ON?...

Max: Maybe SHE's the drunken one!
Tim: Or maybe she got hopped up on some of that Rare candy she was talking about earlier. It would explain the stupidity, the insanity, and the innuendos. Which, to reemphasize, have well exceeded the PG13 mark.

Misty: Great, Ash, you insulted her! _I'll_ tell her. Y'see, there are very few stories in which we live in marital bliss.
Ash: Dating? Yeah. Get married: You bet. In love? Heck yeah! But actually _married_?... Not often.
Misty: So, we'd like to see what it's like.
Ash: So... We'd like to go!
~sniffs~ I knew this moment would come... Oh, all right. Get outta here. But remember... You can always come back...
Misty: Oh, thank you.
Ash: Good-bye!
~They leave~
~sniffs~ Okay... I'll miss them... In honor of Ash and Misty, this round of jokes will either be Ash and Misty being funny or Team Rocket making fools of themselves. ~mutters~ Same thing...
Rating: PG, and you know it! Stop asking!
Category: Mystery. HUMOR!!! Honestly! And we think ASH is naive!

All: NO WE DON'T!!!!

Summary: Oh come on. You HAVE to be kidding me. Ask one of your little friends!

Tim: (Holding a thompson submachine gun) Say hello to my little friend!

Disclaimer: If I owned Pokemon, Ash would probably have psychic powers by now, as would every other main character, Jessie

Graham: Meaning the show would basically suck worse than dubbed Sailor moon?

and James having quit Team Rocket. Oh yeah, Gary, Prima, Richie, and Darien (appearing by a dimensional rift) would have "accidentally" fallen off a cliff. And NO one would miss them. On to the fic!

Max: I would. Hell, one NEEDS stupid sub characters in a show like pokemon! Its serves the purpose of keeping the original characters fresh and gleaming, keeping them from losing their luster, from making us pop in an episode of Fencer Minerva, Dragon Pink, or some other Adult Anime Tim bought/ borrowed from a firend.
Tim: Please don't Mention Fencer Minerva... The dubbing on that was worse than a B movie...

Jessie: Honey, have you seen the phone book?
James: It's in the drawer, where it always is.
Jessie: I'm looking, it's not there. Oh. Wait a second. ~Disgusted~ What is _this_?

Tim: I could go somewhere EXTREMELY perverted right here, but for the sake of my lunch, I will not.

James: It's the new phone book, it arrived yesterday.
Jessie: What did you do with the Sprint Yellow Pages? The one we've used and trusted for years?
James: I threw it away.
Jessie: Honey, how COULD you?!
James: Well, it was easy, I just opened the bin and I put it on top... ~trails off~

Tim: (slightly stunned) Whoa, somebody else did our totally asshole "Simple" bit...

Jessie: Get it back.
James: How am I supposed to do that?
Jessie: _I_ don't care, just get it back!
James: ~repeating brokenly~ She doesn't care.
~later~
Meowth: Fill 'er up!
James: Look, I'll give you fifty bucks for your Sprint Yellow Pages.
Meowth: No.

Graham: That section had no punchline...

Ash: It's YOU!!
Jessie: A-one, and a-two, and a-three!
James and Meowth: ~Singing~ Oh we're the pi-irates, who don't do anything, we just stay at home, and lie around...
Misty: Got _that_ right.
Ash: Oh look, the Grim Reaper! I'm gonna catch it!

Graham: Tim, what do you think Meredith would do if she found the reaper waiting for her in her room.
Tim: Well, as one who has often met the reaper, I'd say she'd be scared out of her gourd, if not to death. From what I've seen sofar, she doesn't seem like the kind of person to hold fast when it counts.

Misty: I, saw Mommy kissing San-ta Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night...
Ash: ~in Santa suit~ I did NOT!

Graham: Of course he didn't. It was Misty and Santa Claus.

Misty: You're gonna! ~Kisses him~
May Oak: Ash, how COULD you?!!
Gary: May, I thought you were gonna put that mistletoe up over us!
May: I have a confession. I'm engaged to Tracey.
Gary: AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ~Jumps off a cliff~

Tim: You know, she just suggested an incestuous relationship betwixt May and Gary. She's a Sailor Moon fan all right... Can you say Electra Complex, Rini?

Tracey: ~Confused~ Why did he just jump off a cliff? And when did we become engaged?
Jessiebelle: You ARE??!?! How COULD you??!!? ~Beats Tracey up~
May: You go, girl!
Prima: Are you May and Jessiebelle?
May and Jessiebelle: Yes.
Prima: Hello. I'm here about your call. Before we talk business, could you fill out this survey?
May: Why?
Prima: I wanted to see if you knew I'm a raging psychopathic killer.

Tim: WHO THE HELL IS PRIMA?
Max: And I'm about to become one...

Jessiebelle: Really? So are we!
May: Let's become partners!
Prima: What's in it for me?
May: Inheritance.
Jessiebelle: All we have to do is kill my parents! They're loaded! And there's Pokemon.
May: My last name is Oak. Enough said.
Prima: ~thinks~ Okay. Partners!
Mewtwo: No! ~throws Psychic at girls, who die~ Phew. We were almost dead there. ~leaves~

Tim: This kid has a more random mind than I do when I'm ranting!
Graham: Is that even possible?

Ash: It's time for another Ho-down! Come on, you KNOW you missed it!

All: NO WE DIDN'T!
Tim: If it was the regulars whose line cast doing this, I MIGHT be interested. Since its you, HAYL no.

Misty: Yeah sure.
Ash: Okay, we need a subject!
Guy in audience: "When markers run out!"
Ash: Oh Lugia, what have we done? Ok, this is the ho-down on.... When markers run out. Ack. -_-; Let's get it over with.
Ash: ~Steps up~
Er, I hate it, when markers run out.
I can't think of anything, to sing about!
Oh have mercy, this is really scary,
Wait a da*n second! That guy was Drew Carey!
Misty: It WAS??!
Ash: Yeah!
Misty: ~steps up~
Ooh, I'm gonna kill, this Drew Carey fellow,
For putting us through, thi-is kind of hell-o!
Oh- about markers, when they run out,
It's annoying, Arrgh, I'm just gonna shout! ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
James: Oh no, it's MY turn?!?! ~steps up~
Er... Pi pi-ka, pika pika chu,
Ka ka Pichu, Pi ka pikachu!
Chu ka pika, ka pi ka ka cha,
And then this guy, walked into a bar!
Jessie: What the HE** was that?
James: ~defensively~ Well, it _rhymed_!
Jessie: Oh no. ~Steps up~
Cha, cha, chabok, Liki-liki tung,
Bliss, bliss, Blissy, Muk muk muk!
Ka, ka, pika, Pidgey, pidgeyoooo,
And the marker, stepped on my big toe!
Everyone: ~hesitantly~ Stepped on my big toe!
James: ~whispering~ And the pot called the kettle black.
Jessie: ~whispering~ Oh shut up.

Graham: That least section was so stupid, I'm speechless.

Okay, I think that's enough for now! Wow... It's so quiet... Brr...

Tim: (coldly) It is often said that when death nears, one can hear nothing but one's blood, and the reaper.

~Recorded Author's Note~
Blissy is the new G/S evolution of Chansey. That is such a good ep... Jessie wanted to be a nurse... Just reinforces that TR's not evil... It's called, "Ignorance is Blissy". So, the big mystery. Who will be my new helpers? Still a boy and a girl... A couple over my dead body... After next time, I have no clue what will happen. I know the new hosts, but not what we'll do next... I have a vague idea for like five times after that, but not what's in between.... Who loves ad-lib? Me! ^_^ Dasvedanya!

Tim: That's supposed to be Russian right? Good night, or something. I think that's DOS ve DONYA.

Things People on Pokemon Would Only Say if Somebody Spiked Their Drinks...6!
Hello. As you all know, today is the day we get two new hosts. I bet you're all dizzy with the suspense... And Rudolph's nose is blue. I'm still gonna keep you waiting!

Tim: (Asleep) Fine by me. I need a few quality decades of sleep...

????: HEY! Let me out of here, da*n it! Psychopathic author!!
SHUT UP, YOU BLINKIN' BAKAYARO!!!!!!!!! ~breathes~ Okay, now you know that I hate one of them... Okay, I guess I'll reveal my secret...

Tim: Hey! I wanted to sleep!

??????: Does that mean we get to come out?
Yep! And now, the wonderful author presents... Drumroll please...

Max: Wonderful author... Now THAT'S a laugh...

[waiting]
[waiting]
[waiting]

All: (Not particularly paying attention. Max is flipping through the latest issue of Playboy)

[waiting]
[waiting]
[waiting]
HOTARU AND GARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All: (Still not paying attention. Then someone offstage nudges them and they notice)

Hotaru: Hi folks!
Gary: Hey, you aren't even on the show!
Hotaru: Shuddup, odango atama.
Gary: Huh?
Hotaru: You're on an anime and you don't even know Japanese??!

Tim: Cast of Venus Wars. Most of them were Yanks anyways. Cast of most all of the Gundams. Though the actors spoke in Japanese or whatever language it was translated into, most of them probably didn't speak Japanese, like Char, Sayla, Frau Bow, etc. And WHY THE HELL is she calling Gary, of all people, Dumpling Head?

Gary: Why should I? I can just call Grandpa!
Hotaru: Oooooh, you really don't... This presents some interesting possibilities... ~grins evilly~
Gary: Aren't you a little OOC?
Hotaru: ~defensively~ Hey, I'm not on your show! I can act however the he** I want!

Tim: No you can't. It's the primary -core- rule of crossovers. Any character displaced from their own series must be COMPLETELY IC, or as close as possible. Otherwise, you lose most all credibility.
Max: Most? You're being too kind...
Tim: Hey, I gotta be nice at one point if this isn't gonna be considered just plain Author Bashing...

Gary: ~sarcastically~ Oooh, an expletive, I'm SOOOOOOOO scared.
Hotaru: You shouldn't be scared of _that_, I grant you...
Gary: Yeah? What _should_ I be afraid of? "Anorexia attack"?

Graham: Yes.

Hotaru: ~calmly~ No, this. ~Pulls out glaive~
Gary: A stick with a G on the end of it? ~sarcastically~ Oh Houou, Lugia, and the Legendary Birds help me.
Hotaru: This "stick with a G on the end of it" can destroy a whole world, dipstick. And I will not hesitate to use it on you.

Tim: Uhhh, no, it can't actually... Of course, the destruction of planets is a pretty pathetic power in a lotta series, and that stick with a G on it kills you too! However, in the battle betwixt Pokemon and Sailor moon, I say that Ranma and Ryouga would just Knock the crap outta everybody with Amiguriken's, Baksai Tenketsu's, Mouko Takabishya's, Shishi Houkoudan's, Hiryushoutenha's and Hiryukorindan's. THEN they'd realize what they just did and stop fighting each other.

Gary: Hey! ~to author~ She called me a dipstick!
I've called you much worse, trust me. Also, I recall flipping a few birds... Don't come crying to _me_, I'm on _her_ side...dipstick.

All: Dip...Stick???
Tim: And I thought some of the insults those faculty kids were flinging were lame...

Gary: Arrgh!
Hotaru: This is going to be rated PG, it says so on my contract.
Gary: You have a _contract_?!
Hotaru: Yep. I don't get paid, but there ARE rice balls...
Gary: She just made me appear here! I'm doing this totally against my will!
Hotaru: Really? Score one for the author! ^_^
Gary: Traitor...
Hotaru: Lessee... "If Satoshi Tajari wants this fic, he has to pay me. Of course, I don't see why he'd _want_ the blinkin' thing, but I have to say he owns Pokemon anyway."

Tim: Actually, no he doesn't have to pay. NOBODY has to pay for fanfiction.

Gary: "Blinkin' "? What kind of stupid term is _that_? I use ****in'!
Hotaru: _That_ is why you are a bakayaro.

Tim: That is why he is a stupid idiot? It's pronounced with a bit more "oi" to it, BTB. So, anyone, in this author's opinion, is a stupid idiot if the use the term "Fucking". Well, Flarg that! You, me authoress, are more conservative than several southern baptists I know.

Gary: Hey! I don't know what that means, but I KNOW it's bad!
Hotaru: No kidding, Sherlock.

All: (stare in disbelief)
Tim: Stupid idiot is BAD for you Meredith? Quick get a large supply of liberalism, STAT, we're giving meredith a transfusion!

Gary: Basically, this is a piece of cra* where she tortures us all and makes us look stupid.

Graham: Yeah, that's basically on the mark.

Hotaru: No, I believe she only does that to _you_...
Gary: Are you drunk or something?

Tim: No, just OOC. Like everyone ELSE in this fic. I'm beggining to think she doesn't actually know what a drunk person would act like.

Hotaru: Go to Cleveland, Gary.
Gary: Why?
Hotaru: And get married to Mimi.
Gary: Who?
Hotaru: Don't tell me you've never seen The Drew Carey Show...
Gary: ~annoyingly~ I haven't.
Hotaru: Shut _up_.

Max: Note, author has obsession with Drew Carey, unhealthy most likely. Make note to put Author out of misery, mostly ours.
Graham: He's Japanese, and so is Hotaru! Why the hell would they be watching Drew Carey?

Ash: "1. Dimpled Chad for Al Gore: Clearly, the voters intended to cast a ballot for Al Gore, but failed to fully penetrate the paper due to being too weak from not receiving badly needed prescription medication because they can't afford it. COUNT THIS VOTE FOR AL GORE."
Misty: What ARE you doing?
Ash: Reading this political E-mail! It's really funny! Here, read Number 2!
Misty: "2. Hole punched for Pat Buchanan: Since nobody in his right mind would vote for Pat Buchanan, the voter was obviously confused by the butterfly ballot. Further, only Democrats would be confused by this ballot so COUNT THIS VOTE FOR AL GORE." Hey, this IS funny!
Tracey: Hey, I just realized I accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan! Stupid butterfly ballot!

Graham: Then wouldn't it be so ironic if Tracey was revealed to be as conservative as the author?

Ash: ~Murmurs~ The prosecution rests...
Misty: What do you think of the election, Ash?

Tim: Why would they? They exist either in an alternate timeline, or in a seperate country, or both, which is most likely since they live in KANTO JAPAN! Personally, my theory is bubble dimension. It exists somewhere inside our world and ours somewhere inside theirs. It hurts most people to think about.

Ash: I think we should kill them both and make GARY president!

Max: Actually, That might work.

Misty: Oh no, not again! ~to the sky~ Prima, stop it!
Ash: ~snaps out of it~ Oh, not again. What did I say?
Misty: Prima has a crush on Gary...
Ash: Oh cra*.
Gary: ~singing~ Oh I'm a Pi-irate, who don't do anything, I just stay at home, and lie around, and if you ask me, to do anything, we'll just tell you...we don't do anything!
Cheerleader 'D': Oops! Forgot to give him his pills! Here, Gary!
Cheerleader 'C': Don't you hate it when he does Veggietales? I'm glad I'm not on the pill shift anymore.
Cheerleader 'D': ~ignoring her~ Gary! Wake up! You have to challenge Sabrina! Wake up! ~shakes him~ Oh, I give up. Sabrina would've wiped the floor with him!

Tim: Doubtful. He snagged ten badges before going to the league, as opposed to Ash's eight. There's a reason he's Ash's RIVAL, after all.

Gary: ~singing~ If you like to talk to tomatoes...
Cheerleader 'D': Oops! Gave him the Prozac!
Gary: ~singing~ That'd be too bad, I might be sad, I'd be so mad, I'd call my dad, that'd be too bad.
Cheerleader 'C': Not "Silly Songs With Larry"! He's so off-key on those!
Cheerleader 'A': He's whacked? This is our chance to leave! ~to Gary~ Oak, as I read in an interview, you can take this job and stick it up your @$$!!!!! We're leaving!
Cheerleaders: Yeah!!! ~they leave~
Gary: Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?...
Ash: ~singing~ Oh, I just drank a beer, drank a beer, drank a beer...
~All below is singing to the tune of "Deck the Halls"~
Misty: Deck the halls with filth and trash! Fa la la la la, la la la la! 'Tis the season to kill Ash! Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Ash: Deck the halls with socks and listies! Fa la la la la, la la la la! 'Tis the season to kiss Misty! Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Pikachu: ~Translated~ Deck the halls with Pokechow! Fa la la la la, la la la la! I want Meowth, and I want him now! Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Meowth: Deck the halls of da caboose! Fa la la la la, la la la la! Mistletoe o'er Pikachu! Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Jessie: Deck the halls with stuff that's lame! Fa la la la la, la la la la! Please please Santa give me James! Fa la la la la, la la la la!
James: Deck the halls and make them messy! Fa la la la la, la la la la! I'm gonna propose to Jessie! Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Gary: Deck the halls with dust and trash! Fa la la la la, la la la la! Let's all go and murder Ash! Fa la la la la, la la la la! See him bleed all o'er his bed--

Graham: Why she needed to warn us it was to the tune of deck the halls, I dunno
Tim: Deck the author, Mock her trash, then burn the pieces into ash! Don we now our hunting apparel, to put the author in great peril.
All: FA LA LA LA LA- LA-LA-LA-LAAAAAAA!!!

Ash: Who killed Gary? Oh well, he's dead!
All but Gary: Fa la la la la, la la la la!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Gary: I'm insulted! She said I'm on medication! And my cheerleaders quit!
Hotaru: More power to 'em!

Max: This is making less sense than me having underwear...

Gary: Da*n you.
Hotaru: Go to Purgatory.

Tim: May I suggest Neifelheim?

Gary: You're Catholic?
Hotaru: No. Just Christian. Wow, you knew a word!

Tim: Oh... Purgatory... yet ANOTHER one of the many things you stupid conservatives get wrong... Purgatory ain't bad. It's the processing plant after Death's realm. He checks and makes SURE you're supposed ta be dead, then you go to purgatory to be shifted around. SPEAKING of which... Hotaru's Japanese. I thouroghly DOUBT she's a christian. If you go by the Manga, which, in my view, is preferable in most cases to the Anime, Missy glaive wielder was grown in a vat, as were the five witches.

Gary: [insult that goes with the bird]

Graham: Eagle? Kestrel? Hawk? Wren? Lark? Nightingale?
Tim: You just covered the Bardic voices series pretty damn well there...

Hotaru: Back at you, Jack!
Gary: My name isn't Jack!

All: YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!

Hotaru: ~flatly~ You complete idiot.
Gary: Wha-at?
Hotaru: You idiot.
Gary: What did I do?
Hotaru: You complete idiot.
Gary: OKAY!! I'M AN IDIOT!!!!!! I GET IT ALREADY!!!!
Hotaru: ~cheekily~ Good. That's one of the facts of life you've got down.
Gary: WHY YOU--

Tim: If I felt I had the space available, I'd fill in that cutoff with every single derogatory remark I could make about the Sailor Moon series. RANMA 1/2 AND RUMIKO TAKAHASHI FOREVER!

~Recorded Author's Note~
Hope that was long enough! No political statement was intended. Gary fans, read at your own

Max: I truly and honestly believe you aren't a Bush supporter...

risk. How many of you _are_ there, anyway? Not many... If you are insulted or believe any character is out-of-character,

Tim: You know, it SURE makes sense to me to say "Read at your own risk" at the END of a damn fic!

remember the title. I claim no responsibility for any psychological damage that might occur because your favorite character acted like a fool. If this does happen, please tell me at: youreaweenie@fakemailaddys2give2weenies.com . If _THAT_ insulted you, please send to the same address. Arigotu!

All: AND GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!! Of course, this just mean we have to post this MST under the same section as her works, but hey, if she reads it, we've won!
Tim: What if we're just deeply offended by the fact that you've gotten every single character UTTERLY OOC, used the excuse of drunkenness, without making them sound drunken, expressed your views on pokemon in a way that makes Rheafics look subtle, and completely trashed a character without reason, supporting evidence, or anything to add to your credibility. Where do we send this off to then? WE'RE LEAVING!

(The outer room)
Tim: Well, I wonder if she knows that by insulting Gary, she's basically insulting the man who made it possible for Satoshi Tajiri to even MAKE Pokemon... So, basically without Gary, there wouldn't BE any Pokemon.
Graham: That's rich. It's almost funny enough to make up for the stupidity that was those... fics isn't the right word.
Max: Yeah, for a "fiction" you must at least have a story. This had about half a premise, no story, and utterly no plot.
Tim: So we're agreed that these stink worse than my dirty laundry?
All: AGREED!
Tim: By the way, I wonder how exactly one says "You're not welcome, now soak this in gasoline, shove it up yer bum and light it!" in Japanese. I've got to find that out so I can respond to people that way...
(Signal End)

THE END

Gary: OKAY!! I'M AN IDIOT!!!!!! I GET IT ALREADY!!!!

Send Email to Me at Ktnablade@AOL.com
or Graham at Gmantis14@AOL.com
or Max at ThisAddressDoesNotExist@AOL.com

Okay, since I've been doing this for near three years now, and only recently have done it with any regularity (no fooling folks. I MST'd Artemis's lover near the tail end of 98) I decided I might give you some history on everyone.

Tim: Me. I'm a psychotic genius with a quick wit and a near total intolerance of stupidity. Explains why I do these MST's, huh?

Graham: My bud, he's about as crazy as I am, but with less understanding of the social realm. He also hates stupid people.

Max: Comuter module created from a golem spell, he is templated with my personality, and the ability to hack into just about anything. Has several different bodies, all of which are heavily armed.

Mark: He's a goof. Plain and simple. He begged me to be in the MST's and still is begging.

Zoom: He's Graham's creation. A perverted little nerd bot. I don't know too much else about him, cept that he runs the ship while I'm indisposed. He's not designed for it or allowed to do it, he just does.

See Y'all next time! Oh, and don't forget...

Comments appreciated, Flames Laughed at.

I'm glad you killed off Flynn, but was disappointed that you nerfed in the battle. It would've been better if Tim and Graham had simply fired a SMAW rocket at that awful self-insert.

By the way, what does "VACA VACA VACA! Y ES MUY GORDA! Y TENGA UN CULERO MUY GRANDE!" mean? (I don't speak Spanish.)

Sidewinder wrote:I'm glad you killed off Flynn, but was disappointed that you nerfed in the battle. It would've been better if Tim and Graham had simply fired a SMAW rocket at that awful self-insert.

Looking back, yes, I probably would have finished him off that simply as well.

By the way, what does "VACA VACA VACA! Y ES MUY GORDA! Y TENGA UN CULERO MUY GRANDE!" mean? (I don't speak Spanish.)

Cow Cow Cow. And is very fat. And has a very big asshole.
It was a reaction to the fangirl japanese. That shit just pisses me off.