MST4K Episode 21: Ranma Crossover Double Header
Posted: 2007-09-28 10:30am
Tim Jewett 08/01/01
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.
"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"
Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.
If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)
(Satellite of Lust, sometime or other, probably other)
Tim: So you see, provided that Baby Taro's form was that of a baby whatever-the-hell-you-call-it when he was dipped,
NOT a full grown WTHYCI, the Jusenkyo springs do not tranform you into special forms, merely into what you would
have looked like had you been born that. So, had Ranma been born a female, he would have been quite buxom with red
hair, and very little upward momentum, Physically speaking. On this same note, I, in my Nyanichuan-esque curse, look
extremely similiar to My cousin, who already looks a damn lot like me, further validating this particular theory.
Graham: Is there any point to this?
Tim: That I can remember? No. I lost that about halfway through the "Why Ranma truly only has a single Fiancee"
discussion.
Graham: Hey, if they only make you into a general form, what about the Akane spring?
Tim: Special case, but still follows the theory. That spring just made the person look like what they would have
looked like -had they been born as Akane- Simple, No?
Jordan: Is this the Satellite of Lust?
Tim: Yes, and why are you here?
Jordan: I happen to owe a favor to Artlu. He helped me rebuild my Lab awhile back, and I'm doing this instead of
some OTHER form of favor.
Graham: Knowing him, I can guess.
Tim: Nuking Cleveland, right?
(Klaxons wail)
Tim: The fanfic's here. Joy.
(The door sequence is on vacation. Please bear with us)
Tim sits in the middle, Jordan two seats two his right, and Graham two to his left.
Tim: Let's get it on!
>Wednesday, April 11, 2001
>First Release
>By: Wishbringer
>Wishbringer50@hotmail.com
Jordan: I wish for this fic to be over! (nothing happens) Damn.
Tim: Dontcha just hate it when names like that are blatant misnomers?
>Disclaimer: Anou..... I'm thinkin about it!
>Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takashi and Shogakukan
>Shin Seiki Evangelion is owned by Gainax
Jordan: Howcome he just used the japanese name for NGE?
Tim: It's called fanboy Japanese.
>Other stories can be found at:
>http://tannim.anifics.com/index.html
>http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/KasumiandRanma
All: KASUMI AND RANMA? BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
>http://www.fanfiction.net
Tim: Alright. Fanfiction.net's involved. I just lost a BUGGERLOAD of respect for this fic!
>A Little Change Of Plans
>Prologue
>-------------------------------------------------
>CAPTION 1: A little change of plans.
>CAPTION 2: A little twist.
Graham: Of lemon.
Tim and Jordan: If only.
>---------------------------------------------------
>May, 10, 2000, 5:00 AM
>The hospital was a busy place on that day, as one Saotome Nodoka, the
>partridge of the Saotome Family, was in labor.
Tim: I call no singing the partridge family theme.
>She had been in labor for several hours now, and it was not a comfortable
>experience. She, of course, had only, but one person to blame.
All: CANADA!
>"GENMA!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT!!!!!!!"
Graham: Isn't it always?
>Of course, the person of said blame, Saotome Genma, was sweating
>bullets in the corner of the delivery room.
Tim: If this was Eat man that bullet sweat would be literal.
>He knew it was a bad ides to come visiting his wife during his
>training trip with Ranma, but he was so damn horny!
All: Ummm... WHAT?
Tim: He goes for ten years without seeing her in the true ranmaverse, and in this one, you tell me he can't reign in
his wang? Bullshit! Next case!
>He'd be damned to soil his loins upon some silly whore than his own wife,
>so he took a little detour back home with Ranma in tow, and got that out of
>his system.
Graham: Considering that damn Seppuku agreement, I really doubt that.
>UNFORTUNATELY, for him, he couldn't leave as soon as he would
>like, as he allowed himself to get comfortable living with her again, she
>got pregnant, and he got stuck again!
Tim: (Genma) You're pregnant? Sorry, off to train Ranma! See you in a few years!
>Life was so cruel!
All: Don't we know it!
Jordan: Hell, we're stuck here reading this fic, how bad is THAT?
>And his son, the damned fem-boy was happy to be with his mother!
>Damnit all, the point of the trip was to keep her influence off of him!
Tim: No, the point of the trip was to make Ranma a badass martial artist.
>There had to be a way to get him and Ranma out of this mess!
Graham: Uhh... Honey, Ranma and I have some pressing buisiness... In umm.... Russia. Come on boy!
>Ranma, meanwhile, was watching as he awaited the birth of his new
>brother or sister.
Jordan: Now wouldn't THAT warp a young child's mind... "I came out of THERE?"
>He had, of course been happy to see his mother after 9 years of separation
>and was happier at the prospect of having a new member of his family
>added to give his miserable father a reason to stick around.
Tim: So he's fifteen now. Unless the author forgot that Ranma didn't leave home until he was six.
>"Come on Saotome-san, one more push!"
Graham: Yeah, push! If we can make this goal, we go to the playoffs!
>"GENMA, YOU'RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME?
>DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jordan: To recap: Genma, you die.
>After that final contraction, a slap was resounded, a cry was heard,
>and Ranma, upon seeing the bloody pile of flesh, promptly passed out.
Graham: Unfortunately, he didn't get to see his sibling, because the bloody pile of flesh was Genma.
>"Congratulations, Nodoka-san! It's a healthy baby girl!
Tim: You mean Lame Plot contrievance. A seven pound, six ounce lame plot contrivance.
>The child was cleaned and delivered wrapped in hospital wraps to Nodoka,
>her anger promptly forgotten, and Genma egged closer, reasons for leaving
>forgotten, as he looked upon his new daughter.
Jordan: Wondering how much she would go for on the open market.
>He allowed himself a proud, fatherly smile.
Tim: Then started dancing around the delivery room screaming "I did it, I made a baby, yet another, and another"
Until a Nurse smacked him with a mallet.
>"No-chan, what shall we call this bundle of joy?"
Graham: Moneypit?
Jordan: Daiper destroyer?
Tim: Your 3 O'clock Alarm call?
>"How about, Midori?"
>"Wouldn't you say that's a little bland? She's a Saotome! She needs an
>intimidating name!
Tim: Like "Ranma" and "Genma" make people quake with fear...
>"Shoooooryuuuuuu ......" slurred Ranma, as he regained consciousness.
Tim: Passing out at a baby's birth instantly makes you learn higher level Ansatsuken Techniques? KILLER!
>"Shoryuu...... that's perfect!" Nodoka's smile showed nothing but
>motherly love as she looked upon her little bundle. "Your name shall be.....
>Saotome Asuka Shoryuu!"
Jordan: Giving her the Initials ASS.
Tim: But Genma's the ass of the Saotome family!
>The baby gurgled in what appeared to be delight.
Graham: But smelled like Tim's socks.
>"You like that name, ne Asuka-chan?"
Graham: (Asuka) No, and what I really hate is that I'm responsible for fucking up the continuity of the Ranma 1/2
universe! Put me back in this goddamn womb right now!
>And the sounds, and incoherent chatter of happiness as the Saotome
>clan grew by one.
Tim: And the nummber of readers wishing to harm this author jumped by leaps and bounds...
>September, 7, 2000
>Genma looked out upon the ship headed towards Antarctica.
>So many changes had happened to him after Asuka's birth.
Jordan: Genma had gotten a nose ring, and Ranma was working for Nasa, with Akane as his launch pad...
>He realized the folly of trying to engage Ranma to one of the Tendo family
>girls, and tried to call it off. It was not a pleasant conversation he had with
>Soun, and they ended up having a falling out.
Tim: If living together can't ruin their friendship, NOTHING can, capische?
>Genma was disappointed, but he felt he was right.
All: LIKE ALWAYS.
>He had never seen his son so happy until after he and Nodoka brought
>Asuka home from the hospital.
Graham: Except maybe for that time he had taken him to a whorehouse for his birthday
>He seemed determined to always look out for his little sister, and was
>doing just that, by keeping his grades up in school. His mother was
>never happier.
All: School?
Tim: Oi... It's bloody well screwing up Ranma entirely... Besides, How can one keep their grades up when one has
only had a single month of school?
>Genma was finally taking responsibility for his actions, and was damned
>set upon teaching Ranma the ultimate moves of the Musabetsu Kakutö
>Saotome Ryü, the Yamasen Ken and Umisen-Ken.
Tim: What's he need those for? He already leanred Hadouken, Shoryuken and Tatsumaki Senpukyaku at Asuka's birth!
>After this trip was over, he was resolved to do just that. He was also happy
>that Ranma's interest in the art intensified after Asuka's birth.
Jordan: Now is that even possible?
>He hated to leave Asuka and Nodoka like he had, but they understood that
>the house needed the money for the extension.
Graham: And how do you plan to make money in Antartica, pray tell?
>Ranma would be sulking around and about, except he had befriended a
>girl named Misato Katsuragi. He smiled at the looks Ranma would give
>the girl when she thought she wasn't looking, and vice versa.
Tim: But then, a short haired girl would appear from nowhere and knock Ranma sky high.
>It was obvious the two hade a crush on each other.
All: Hade?
Tim: And Ranma's acting OOC. He has a crush on Akane, and you see how he portrays that, correct? He'd do the damn
same to this gal.
>Genma's face suddenly hardened, as a feeling that had been
>nagging at him as soon as he boarded the vessel.
Jordan: didn't allow him to complete his sentence.
>He just could not shake the feeling that something big was
>about to happen, and it didn't bode well for his family.
Graham: IBM stocks were plummeting, and Oil prices skyrocketing.
>"Tousan, whatcha lookin at?"
>Genma turned to his son, he was proud at the man he saw before him.
Tim: I can't declare anyone at sixteen a full adult
Jordan: I resent that remark.
Tim: Oh bite me you sixteen year old supervillian.
>He certainly was more of a man at fourteen than he was. He had started
>to go through his changes, and Genma could see that he was most definitely
>going to be a handsome man when he grew up.
All: FOURTEEN?
Graham: How he suddenly lose two years?
Tim: This fucks continuity up FAR too much...
>He had started to keeping his hair in a pigtail that seemed
>to suit him.
Tim: Note to author: He's had the damn ponytail since he was SIX.
>"Nothing in particular Ranma, just thinking"
Graham: Okay pops, now tell me the one about the Shinto priest, the virgin and the camel.
>"I see. You miss Okassan and Imoutochan don't you?"
Jordan: Why the hell is Ranma the only person using Japanese?
Tim: Obviously, he's an author Avatar in this fic.
Jordan: That means we get to kill the author, right?
Tim: Yes. You can have the pleasure.
Jordan: YIPPEE!!
>"Of course. But this time that wasn't what I was thinking about"
>Then what?" Ranma asked, putting his hands upon the guardrail.
Graham: (Genma) Sometimes, son, I wear mittens.
>Genma hesitated, then replied "About the man you seem to be becoming"
>"Tousan..."
Tim: I have a confession. You know that girl you broke my engagement too? She and I were seeing each other these
past few months, and we're going steady. We've even gone to third, Pops!
>"Ranma, there are many things in my life that I'm very much
>not proud of. But the few shining moments that come to my mind are marring
>your mother, and having you and Asuka as my children.
Graham: Marrying Genma would mar anyone.
>I just wish, I wish that I could have been a better father for you.
>But I swore, upon seeing Asuka-chan's face, I would."
Jordan: This from Genma...
Tim: You know, I doubt this guy's read or seen to Ukyo's introduction. That would explain all the inconsistencies,
at least.
>"Tousan..... I...I don't know what to say.... I know Asuka would
>be happy to have this Genma as a father"
Tim: As opposed to the real Genma. What have you done with my father, you bastard?
>Genma smiled to Ranma, a fatherly smile he was getting use to
>sharing. "Ranma, Promise me something.....
All: No way, pops
>Promise me, that should anything happen to me, that you'll always
>watch over Asuka."
>"Tousan, that's something you never need to ask me. I'll always protect her."
Graham: Now Promise me you'll forget those times I tried to sell you for Booze.
>"Good." Genma turned his head to the stars. "It's a beautiful
>night, tonight don't you think?"
Jordan: Could he get Genma More OOC?
Tim: Only by making him a priest. And ya know, I don't care if they haven't gone to Jusenkyo, I still imagine them
both with the Curse.
>Ranma turned to his fathers direction. "Yea. I've always loved
>looking up at the stars like this. It's so peaceful."
Jordan: Now, I doubt we can get Ranma more OOC, but I don't wanna try.
>"Wouldn't you like to share it with someone?"
>Ranma turned his heat toward his father. "Hoe?"
Graham: Hey, Ranma's a Playa!
>Genma smiled again. "You know who I'm talking about, boy.
>That Katsuragi girl."
>Ranma blushed beet red and hid his face. "Tousan!"
Tim: Is it just me, or is the sight of Ranma and Genma getting along sickening?
>Genma chucked and continued.
Jordan: Genma's gotten Seasick, COOL!
>"You should, you know. It's obvious you both like each other.
>Why don't you try talking to her like this?"
Tim: You know, without using fanboy Japanese?
>Ranma pondered that for a few minuets, before dashing off
>towards the crews quarters.
>Genma turned and chuckled again, hoping that this would not be
>the last time he would be able to talk to his son like this.
Graham: Then someone cut his head off.
>September 15, 2001. Noon
>Ranma awoke groggily, in the little life boat that was sailing
>back to mainland.
Tim: The events were hazy, but he distinctly remembered a bottle of industrial alcohol, his father, and the engine
room...
>The events of the previous day etched into his mind forever. It
>had happened. Second Impact.
Jordan: Well, at least it isn't Deep Impact.
Tim: Remind me not of that travesty of filmmaking...
>He was hoping beyond hope that his father survived the event, but was very
>doubtful.
Graham: Then the booze wore off and he realized that he didn't care one god damned bit about Genma!
>Ranma shook his head and looked towards the heavens, where he had
>pretty much expected to he the heavens crushed, but the sky retained
>it's calm blue. Deceiving what had probably happened.
Tim: Continuity, Character, and basic reason for the Ranma 1/2 series all fucked to hell. Speaking of which, this
ISN'T Ranma 1/2!
Graham: Explain.
Tim: The plot of Ranma 1/2 doesn't begin until Ranma is cursed. Before then, he's just your average martial artist,
basically. So, therefore, without Ranma having no curse, this is NOT Ranma 1/2 at all.
Graham: So... It's Ranma 1/1?
>His last memories of his father where those of him screaming at him to
>leave. Ranma actually refused, until he was reminded of Asuka, and his
>promise a week ago.
Jordan: Genma, remembering a promise? No WONDER it's the apocolypse!
Tim: Wait, Sept 7, 2000 was a week ago from Sept 15, 2001? No WONDER continuity is fucked?
Graham: Keep an eye out for DeLorians, Phone Booths, and Police boxes, folks.
>He deserted his father and boarded a raft, just as the explosions started
>The dinky raft somehow managed to hold up, and Ranma barely survived.
All: Unfortunately.
>"KUSSSSSSSOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed toward the heavens,
>damming whatever gods had cursed him toward such a fate, to lose his father
>as he was finally becoming a good man.
Tim: I'd think he'd rather curse the gods that shoved him into this fanfic...
>"Ranma-kun? Is that you?"
>Ranma turned towards the voice, in another life boat, was Misato.
Jordan: Being eaten alive by rats!
Graham: Jordan. Calm down, and take the happy pills.
Jordan: Shut up before I make you my next expiriment, rabbit boy!
>"Misato..... you survived to? How?"
>Misato shook her head as to get her thoughts straight. "I.... I
>think my father put me in this raft.... what happened?"
Tim: (Reading from a sheet of paper) Well, an author decided it would be a good idea to utterly destroy the
continuity of both your series, Ranma's moreso, but yours anyways. We suspect he was heavily medicated, or under the
influence of drugs at the time of conception.
>I'm not that sure myself, but I think that whatever happened, we're
>the only ones that survived. It had to be that thing your Tousan called....
Adam."
Graham: Frankenstien's Monster?
>"Then.... it happened."
All: No it didn't
Jordan: The government just wants us to THINK it did!
>"I'm not that sure at the moment." Misato fell to her knees and
>hugged herself.
Graham: Then she slapped herself silly, telling herself to get a hold of herself.
>"Tousan...." she whispered, "you really did love me didn't you?"
Jordan: Not if he left you alive in this fic he didn't.
>Ranma wasn't sure of what that meant, but was able to hear some
>planes flying overhead.
Tim: As if that's an accomplishment...
>"Yo! Down here!" He pulled out a flare gun from the emergency
>kit and let one fly. It got the attention he was hoping for.
Tim: How CONVENIENT that he got the inflatable raft with the flare gun...
>As a plane lowered to get them, Ranma jumped to Misato's raft,
>picked her up, and brought them to their raft.
Graham: The point of that was?
Tim: Wait, he hops to her inflatable raft, which was a boat, from his inflatable raft, and then onto yet another
raft, which was neither's, but is now the both of theirs. Oi...
>"A new world..... Misato. Here's to survival"
Tim: A new fic..... Jordan. Here's to the MST team's survival...
>End of Change Of Plans Prologue
All: Yippeee!
>Quick Author's Rant:
Graham: I wrote this, Bye.
>All right, now what the hell am I doing? I can't finish one
>story before getting started upon a new one!
Tim: May I suggest stopping writing if they're all as bad as this one?
>I'll Admit, I've noticed in some of the outer ways how Ranma
>and Asuka are alike on the outside and thought, da what the hell!
Jordan: I'll check NGE for myself on that one.
Tim: Redundantmuch?
>I've also noticed how in these X-overs, for the most part, Ranma
>pilots an EVA, and or pairs up with one of the pilots or Misato. So, after
>reading all of Just won't die by Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong, It got me inspired
>to do this.
Graham: When good writing can be used to a bad purpose...
>I'll admit that Asuka as Ranma's little sister as well as a decent
>Genma are both a stretch, but that's the beauty of writing.
Tim: You haven't read what you've written, have you?
>Expect a whole new Asuka my readers. So, shall I continue?
All: NO!!!
>"What does this button do?"
>Marle form Chrono Trigger
>Wishbringer
Jordan: Does it destroy thousands of innocent lives?
Tim: No, just the author.
Jordan: Even BETTER!
>Redheads
>A Slayers/Ranma 1/2 crossover fanfiction thingy that's silly
Tim: As in demented.
>(Each redhead and their respective related people
>are copyright the correct redhead owners.)
Graham: Who, Tim and his clone?
Tim: Goddesses know I've made enough in my day...
>Chapter Three: In which two redheaded people try to teach each
>other something, while the other two do something similar.
Jordan: Author, you are just a WELLSPRING of information.
>Also in which predictable chaos, mayhem, and the occasional spurt of
>sheer lunacy occurs.
Tim: Is Tigris teaching Kat to cook again?
Graham: Somehow, that sounds more interesting than this fic. Nah, forget the somehow.
>(Good one, Lina,) thought the crimson-haired sorceress to
>herself.
Jordan: Her name being Jill being beside the point.
>(Ask your psuedo-cousin perfect bodied doppelganger from another
>flipping dimension to train you in some mythical unarmed fighting
>style. REAL bright idea.)
Tim: Actually, yes, it is. Never know when every thing but your fists will fail ya.
>It wasn't really that the idea was bad. And Lina had known
>that combat training of any kind would be at times uncomfortable--
>after all, that's why they called it combat.
Graham: Training. Combat TRAINING.
>Constant was another thing. Apparently, "Cousin" Ranma
>considered EVERYTHING training, or at least an opportunity to do so.
Tim: Cousin? So we're just declaring Ranma as being related to Lina for no reason other than she has reddish hair?
Allllrighty then, I declare Ranma related to... Pink, Washu, Chocolat and Tira, Maico, Mai, Misty, Jessie, Kei,
Momo, Katt-
Graham: Kenshin?
Tim: Nope.
Graham: Nope? Why Nope?
Tim: Because Kenshin is A: Male, and B: Beleivable. Little enough is known of Ranma's heritage for his great
grandfather on his mother's side to have been the battosai. Explains the red hair as a female and Nodoka's habit of
carrying that sword around with her all the time.
>And since she wasn't planning to stay in this reality for very long--
>no longer than she had to-- she apparently had decided to make it a
>crash course.
All: Literally
Tim: (Ranma) Okay, Lina, now run smack dab, headfirst into that heavy Oak. When you can do it without passing out or
getting dizzy, then it's onto step two.
Graham: (Prof Oak) Stop bashing my leg young lady!
>This meant you didn't walk on the road if there's a handy fence,
>something to act as an obstacle course, or at the least bracken
>to hop over. Not struggle through-- hop over.
Jordan: Which, if you think about it, makes a damn lot more sense. Struggle through: Scratches, tiresome, slow, lots
of bugs. Hop over: Quick, not nearly as exhausting, bugs can't catch you.
>Then there was the fact that Lina was carrying a pack. Usually, Lina
>didn't carry a pack.
>She had Gourry carryone,
Graham: At last! We discover Gourry's last name and have the distinct honor of not being able to care less!
>often, but she didn't. She used simple magic to hide things in an
>extra dimensional pocket... but she didn't actually CARRY anything.
All: Hammerspace.
Tim: Hammerspace: useful. Heavy pack: constant heavy weight on back. Being able to knock an enemy senseless in one
strike before he sees it coming: Priceless.
Jordan: There are some things magic can't buy. For everything else, there's Ghaleon.
Tim: I'm actually pro hammerpsace, but, then again, I also wear extremely heavy clothing for training purposes,
so...
>Her usual opinion of luggage was that luggage was someone else's
>problem. She had explained all of this.
Jordan: (Lina): Like, I don't WANNA carry a pack. It's too HEAVY!!!
>Ranma had retorted with comments about upper body strength,
>stamina training, and self reliance. Ranma had said that body
>toning was essential. Ranma had said that magic was a fine thing,
Tim: But nowhere near as fine as Akane!
>she supposed, but in the Art (Lina could HEAR the capitals) it was
>also a crutch, and that Lina needed to start walking, metaphorically,
>on her own.
Jordan: Push her off a cliff! That always works!
Graham: That's for baby birds, Jordan.
Jordan: Who cares! It'd be funny to see her go SPLAT!
>Well, what Ranma had ACTUALLY said was "Look, you wanna learn
>the Art? Well, with those spindly arms and weak legs you ain't
>gonna. You got to build up. And Magic's cheating."
Tim: And here I thought it was a card game with nifty artwork. Darn.
>Result-- Lina was carrying a pack. A heavy one. Well, heavy
>to her.
Jordan: All of ten pounds, whoopie
Tim: I carry about twenty five around school most days. Last year, I trained myself by running across the football
field with the backpack on. All 100 yards.
>It didn't help that Ranma was carrying twice as much as she was
>and not even breathing hard. Or Akane the same. Or Gourry the
>same.
Tim: Or the sentence the same.
>The three physically trained people were chatting about how sensible
>it was to carry enough supplies.
Graham: No supplies, you die. Simple enough.
>The not physically trained person was not joining into the
>conversation because she was short of breath.
Jordan: (Levelling Bionic arm) I dare anyone to make a perverted comment.
Tim: I'm game. "Wow, Goury's so skilled, he can hike and Fu- (Jordan blasts him with an energy bullet from the arm)
-at the same time!
>Ranma talked about speed. The Art was also abou speed, she
>said. And Lina was too slow.
Tim: I'm starting to get really annoyed by all this usage of "She" when reffering to Ranma. And if he were here,
he'd be ticked as well. Since he isn't. I shall get ticked for him.
>Ranma hadn't started her on anything about speed yet, but had
>mentioned frightening things about hornet's nests and wolves.
Jordan: DUMP HER WITH THE CATS! DUMP HER WITH THE CATS!
Tim: Yeah, in a null magic chamber. tied up with ALL kinds of sausages... And when did Ranma ever speed train with
wolves? The bees were evasion training.
>And the falling stuff... how to fall down without getting hurt
>by the fall. Ranma taught her how to fall down on the ground. That
>was, actually, fairly easy.
Graham: Well, excpet for the fact that she kept falling on her keys, that is.
Tim: Like falling down would be difficult. I mean, what, is she supposed to miss the ground and go flying?
>She then moved Lina to fences. Lina hadn't quite got the hang
>of that yet.
Jordan: When you live in a mystical realm, where the hell are there gonna be fences?
>Lina was beginning to wonder if this was all some twisted joke.
Jordan: The training or this fic?
Tim and Graham: Yes.
>It wasn't any better that Ranma's insane training methods were
>apparently working.
Tim: She was now lifting the TEN pound dumbbells with ease.
>Lina wasn't still very clear about what Chi was-- and Ranma's
>indistinct explanations didn't help-- but she had the unsettling
>feeling that she WAS getting in touch with a part of herself that
>she hadn't known about before.
Jordan: Her inner lesbian.
>Her endurance was improving, her speed was increasing.
Graham: She was stronger, faster, and in every way better than before.
Tim: She was, the six million plot hole Saotome!
>This meant that she was only ninety percent exhausted instead
>of the one hundred and fourteen percent of the first week of travel.
Graham: Is that even possible?
Tim: What I wanna know is whether this fic is plausible or not.
>This was the second week. And it was a easy two month journey to
>Sailoon.
Tim: With neighboring city Tuxask.
>Worse, to both her and Lina's surprise (Lina hadn't actually
>expected Ranma to learn anything real)
Jordan: Just a few government conspiracies, that's all.
>Ranma had some talent for the Art Arcane. In fact, Ranma had
>managed to learn one actual honest to goodness spell.
Tim: Spell of Breast Augmentation! Akane, Have a DD cup, on me!
>That spell was Lighting, the all time most innocuous spell in history.
Tim: I'd hardly call a few million volts and instant barbecue Harmless.
>But it normally took a neophyte YEARS to learn even that first
>spell. Ranma had learned it in a week. Ranma had a talent for
>learning that was SCARY-- as long as Ranma was interested
Jordan: He learned about sex in three seconds after seeing Akane naked!
Mordancy Sarcasm Theatre 4000
All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you
In the not too distant future...
Where reality does not exist.
An evil rich kid named Artlu...
Was starting to get really pissed.
"I send 'fics to him and his friends...
Ones that should really warp their minds. (lalala)
But he's shot every single one down...
And the plan called for nothing of the kind!"
Now keep in mind that Tim can't control...
How his friends act and behave.
And he tries to keep them acting fairly sane...
With the help of a weighted stave.
If you're wondering how he eats and breaths...
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "Don't go there bub!"
and you really should relax...
For... Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000! (wohw wohw)
(Satellite of Lust, sometime or other, probably other)
Tim: So you see, provided that Baby Taro's form was that of a baby whatever-the-hell-you-call-it when he was dipped,
NOT a full grown WTHYCI, the Jusenkyo springs do not tranform you into special forms, merely into what you would
have looked like had you been born that. So, had Ranma been born a female, he would have been quite buxom with red
hair, and very little upward momentum, Physically speaking. On this same note, I, in my Nyanichuan-esque curse, look
extremely similiar to My cousin, who already looks a damn lot like me, further validating this particular theory.
Graham: Is there any point to this?
Tim: That I can remember? No. I lost that about halfway through the "Why Ranma truly only has a single Fiancee"
discussion.
Graham: Hey, if they only make you into a general form, what about the Akane spring?
Tim: Special case, but still follows the theory. That spring just made the person look like what they would have
looked like -had they been born as Akane- Simple, No?
Jordan: Is this the Satellite of Lust?
Tim: Yes, and why are you here?
Jordan: I happen to owe a favor to Artlu. He helped me rebuild my Lab awhile back, and I'm doing this instead of
some OTHER form of favor.
Graham: Knowing him, I can guess.
Tim: Nuking Cleveland, right?
(Klaxons wail)
Tim: The fanfic's here. Joy.
(The door sequence is on vacation. Please bear with us)
Tim sits in the middle, Jordan two seats two his right, and Graham two to his left.
Tim: Let's get it on!
>Wednesday, April 11, 2001
>First Release
>By: Wishbringer
>Wishbringer50@hotmail.com
Jordan: I wish for this fic to be over! (nothing happens) Damn.
Tim: Dontcha just hate it when names like that are blatant misnomers?
>Disclaimer: Anou..... I'm thinkin about it!
>Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takashi and Shogakukan
>Shin Seiki Evangelion is owned by Gainax
Jordan: Howcome he just used the japanese name for NGE?
Tim: It's called fanboy Japanese.
>Other stories can be found at:
>http://tannim.anifics.com/index.html
>http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/KasumiandRanma
All: KASUMI AND RANMA? BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
>http://www.fanfiction.net
Tim: Alright. Fanfiction.net's involved. I just lost a BUGGERLOAD of respect for this fic!
>A Little Change Of Plans
>Prologue
>-------------------------------------------------
>CAPTION 1: A little change of plans.
>CAPTION 2: A little twist.
Graham: Of lemon.
Tim and Jordan: If only.
>---------------------------------------------------
>May, 10, 2000, 5:00 AM
>The hospital was a busy place on that day, as one Saotome Nodoka, the
>partridge of the Saotome Family, was in labor.
Tim: I call no singing the partridge family theme.
>She had been in labor for several hours now, and it was not a comfortable
>experience. She, of course, had only, but one person to blame.
All: CANADA!
>"GENMA!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT!!!!!!!"
Graham: Isn't it always?
>Of course, the person of said blame, Saotome Genma, was sweating
>bullets in the corner of the delivery room.
Tim: If this was Eat man that bullet sweat would be literal.
>He knew it was a bad ides to come visiting his wife during his
>training trip with Ranma, but he was so damn horny!
All: Ummm... WHAT?
Tim: He goes for ten years without seeing her in the true ranmaverse, and in this one, you tell me he can't reign in
his wang? Bullshit! Next case!
>He'd be damned to soil his loins upon some silly whore than his own wife,
>so he took a little detour back home with Ranma in tow, and got that out of
>his system.
Graham: Considering that damn Seppuku agreement, I really doubt that.
>UNFORTUNATELY, for him, he couldn't leave as soon as he would
>like, as he allowed himself to get comfortable living with her again, she
>got pregnant, and he got stuck again!
Tim: (Genma) You're pregnant? Sorry, off to train Ranma! See you in a few years!
>Life was so cruel!
All: Don't we know it!
Jordan: Hell, we're stuck here reading this fic, how bad is THAT?
>And his son, the damned fem-boy was happy to be with his mother!
>Damnit all, the point of the trip was to keep her influence off of him!
Tim: No, the point of the trip was to make Ranma a badass martial artist.
>There had to be a way to get him and Ranma out of this mess!
Graham: Uhh... Honey, Ranma and I have some pressing buisiness... In umm.... Russia. Come on boy!
>Ranma, meanwhile, was watching as he awaited the birth of his new
>brother or sister.
Jordan: Now wouldn't THAT warp a young child's mind... "I came out of THERE?"
>He had, of course been happy to see his mother after 9 years of separation
>and was happier at the prospect of having a new member of his family
>added to give his miserable father a reason to stick around.
Tim: So he's fifteen now. Unless the author forgot that Ranma didn't leave home until he was six.
>"Come on Saotome-san, one more push!"
Graham: Yeah, push! If we can make this goal, we go to the playoffs!
>"GENMA, YOU'RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME?
>DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jordan: To recap: Genma, you die.
>After that final contraction, a slap was resounded, a cry was heard,
>and Ranma, upon seeing the bloody pile of flesh, promptly passed out.
Graham: Unfortunately, he didn't get to see his sibling, because the bloody pile of flesh was Genma.
>"Congratulations, Nodoka-san! It's a healthy baby girl!
Tim: You mean Lame Plot contrievance. A seven pound, six ounce lame plot contrivance.
>The child was cleaned and delivered wrapped in hospital wraps to Nodoka,
>her anger promptly forgotten, and Genma egged closer, reasons for leaving
>forgotten, as he looked upon his new daughter.
Jordan: Wondering how much she would go for on the open market.
>He allowed himself a proud, fatherly smile.
Tim: Then started dancing around the delivery room screaming "I did it, I made a baby, yet another, and another"
Until a Nurse smacked him with a mallet.
>"No-chan, what shall we call this bundle of joy?"
Graham: Moneypit?
Jordan: Daiper destroyer?
Tim: Your 3 O'clock Alarm call?
>"How about, Midori?"
>"Wouldn't you say that's a little bland? She's a Saotome! She needs an
>intimidating name!
Tim: Like "Ranma" and "Genma" make people quake with fear...
>"Shoooooryuuuuuu ......" slurred Ranma, as he regained consciousness.
Tim: Passing out at a baby's birth instantly makes you learn higher level Ansatsuken Techniques? KILLER!
>"Shoryuu...... that's perfect!" Nodoka's smile showed nothing but
>motherly love as she looked upon her little bundle. "Your name shall be.....
>Saotome Asuka Shoryuu!"
Jordan: Giving her the Initials ASS.
Tim: But Genma's the ass of the Saotome family!
>The baby gurgled in what appeared to be delight.
Graham: But smelled like Tim's socks.
>"You like that name, ne Asuka-chan?"
Graham: (Asuka) No, and what I really hate is that I'm responsible for fucking up the continuity of the Ranma 1/2
universe! Put me back in this goddamn womb right now!
>And the sounds, and incoherent chatter of happiness as the Saotome
>clan grew by one.
Tim: And the nummber of readers wishing to harm this author jumped by leaps and bounds...
>September, 7, 2000
>Genma looked out upon the ship headed towards Antarctica.
>So many changes had happened to him after Asuka's birth.
Jordan: Genma had gotten a nose ring, and Ranma was working for Nasa, with Akane as his launch pad...
>He realized the folly of trying to engage Ranma to one of the Tendo family
>girls, and tried to call it off. It was not a pleasant conversation he had with
>Soun, and they ended up having a falling out.
Tim: If living together can't ruin their friendship, NOTHING can, capische?
>Genma was disappointed, but he felt he was right.
All: LIKE ALWAYS.
>He had never seen his son so happy until after he and Nodoka brought
>Asuka home from the hospital.
Graham: Except maybe for that time he had taken him to a whorehouse for his birthday
>He seemed determined to always look out for his little sister, and was
>doing just that, by keeping his grades up in school. His mother was
>never happier.
All: School?
Tim: Oi... It's bloody well screwing up Ranma entirely... Besides, How can one keep their grades up when one has
only had a single month of school?
>Genma was finally taking responsibility for his actions, and was damned
>set upon teaching Ranma the ultimate moves of the Musabetsu Kakutö
>Saotome Ryü, the Yamasen Ken and Umisen-Ken.
Tim: What's he need those for? He already leanred Hadouken, Shoryuken and Tatsumaki Senpukyaku at Asuka's birth!
>After this trip was over, he was resolved to do just that. He was also happy
>that Ranma's interest in the art intensified after Asuka's birth.
Jordan: Now is that even possible?
>He hated to leave Asuka and Nodoka like he had, but they understood that
>the house needed the money for the extension.
Graham: And how do you plan to make money in Antartica, pray tell?
>Ranma would be sulking around and about, except he had befriended a
>girl named Misato Katsuragi. He smiled at the looks Ranma would give
>the girl when she thought she wasn't looking, and vice versa.
Tim: But then, a short haired girl would appear from nowhere and knock Ranma sky high.
>It was obvious the two hade a crush on each other.
All: Hade?
Tim: And Ranma's acting OOC. He has a crush on Akane, and you see how he portrays that, correct? He'd do the damn
same to this gal.
>Genma's face suddenly hardened, as a feeling that had been
>nagging at him as soon as he boarded the vessel.
Jordan: didn't allow him to complete his sentence.
>He just could not shake the feeling that something big was
>about to happen, and it didn't bode well for his family.
Graham: IBM stocks were plummeting, and Oil prices skyrocketing.
>"Tousan, whatcha lookin at?"
>Genma turned to his son, he was proud at the man he saw before him.
Tim: I can't declare anyone at sixteen a full adult
Jordan: I resent that remark.
Tim: Oh bite me you sixteen year old supervillian.
>He certainly was more of a man at fourteen than he was. He had started
>to go through his changes, and Genma could see that he was most definitely
>going to be a handsome man when he grew up.
All: FOURTEEN?
Graham: How he suddenly lose two years?
Tim: This fucks continuity up FAR too much...
>He had started to keeping his hair in a pigtail that seemed
>to suit him.
Tim: Note to author: He's had the damn ponytail since he was SIX.
>"Nothing in particular Ranma, just thinking"
Graham: Okay pops, now tell me the one about the Shinto priest, the virgin and the camel.
>"I see. You miss Okassan and Imoutochan don't you?"
Jordan: Why the hell is Ranma the only person using Japanese?
Tim: Obviously, he's an author Avatar in this fic.
Jordan: That means we get to kill the author, right?
Tim: Yes. You can have the pleasure.
Jordan: YIPPEE!!
>"Of course. But this time that wasn't what I was thinking about"
>Then what?" Ranma asked, putting his hands upon the guardrail.
Graham: (Genma) Sometimes, son, I wear mittens.
>Genma hesitated, then replied "About the man you seem to be becoming"
>"Tousan..."
Tim: I have a confession. You know that girl you broke my engagement too? She and I were seeing each other these
past few months, and we're going steady. We've even gone to third, Pops!
>"Ranma, there are many things in my life that I'm very much
>not proud of. But the few shining moments that come to my mind are marring
>your mother, and having you and Asuka as my children.
Graham: Marrying Genma would mar anyone.
>I just wish, I wish that I could have been a better father for you.
>But I swore, upon seeing Asuka-chan's face, I would."
Jordan: This from Genma...
Tim: You know, I doubt this guy's read or seen to Ukyo's introduction. That would explain all the inconsistencies,
at least.
>"Tousan..... I...I don't know what to say.... I know Asuka would
>be happy to have this Genma as a father"
Tim: As opposed to the real Genma. What have you done with my father, you bastard?
>Genma smiled to Ranma, a fatherly smile he was getting use to
>sharing. "Ranma, Promise me something.....
All: No way, pops
>Promise me, that should anything happen to me, that you'll always
>watch over Asuka."
>"Tousan, that's something you never need to ask me. I'll always protect her."
Graham: Now Promise me you'll forget those times I tried to sell you for Booze.
>"Good." Genma turned his head to the stars. "It's a beautiful
>night, tonight don't you think?"
Jordan: Could he get Genma More OOC?
Tim: Only by making him a priest. And ya know, I don't care if they haven't gone to Jusenkyo, I still imagine them
both with the Curse.
>Ranma turned to his fathers direction. "Yea. I've always loved
>looking up at the stars like this. It's so peaceful."
Jordan: Now, I doubt we can get Ranma more OOC, but I don't wanna try.
>"Wouldn't you like to share it with someone?"
>Ranma turned his heat toward his father. "Hoe?"
Graham: Hey, Ranma's a Playa!
>Genma smiled again. "You know who I'm talking about, boy.
>That Katsuragi girl."
>Ranma blushed beet red and hid his face. "Tousan!"
Tim: Is it just me, or is the sight of Ranma and Genma getting along sickening?
>Genma chucked and continued.
Jordan: Genma's gotten Seasick, COOL!
>"You should, you know. It's obvious you both like each other.
>Why don't you try talking to her like this?"
Tim: You know, without using fanboy Japanese?
>Ranma pondered that for a few minuets, before dashing off
>towards the crews quarters.
>Genma turned and chuckled again, hoping that this would not be
>the last time he would be able to talk to his son like this.
Graham: Then someone cut his head off.
>September 15, 2001. Noon
>Ranma awoke groggily, in the little life boat that was sailing
>back to mainland.
Tim: The events were hazy, but he distinctly remembered a bottle of industrial alcohol, his father, and the engine
room...
>The events of the previous day etched into his mind forever. It
>had happened. Second Impact.
Jordan: Well, at least it isn't Deep Impact.
Tim: Remind me not of that travesty of filmmaking...
>He was hoping beyond hope that his father survived the event, but was very
>doubtful.
Graham: Then the booze wore off and he realized that he didn't care one god damned bit about Genma!
>Ranma shook his head and looked towards the heavens, where he had
>pretty much expected to he the heavens crushed, but the sky retained
>it's calm blue. Deceiving what had probably happened.
Tim: Continuity, Character, and basic reason for the Ranma 1/2 series all fucked to hell. Speaking of which, this
ISN'T Ranma 1/2!
Graham: Explain.
Tim: The plot of Ranma 1/2 doesn't begin until Ranma is cursed. Before then, he's just your average martial artist,
basically. So, therefore, without Ranma having no curse, this is NOT Ranma 1/2 at all.
Graham: So... It's Ranma 1/1?
>His last memories of his father where those of him screaming at him to
>leave. Ranma actually refused, until he was reminded of Asuka, and his
>promise a week ago.
Jordan: Genma, remembering a promise? No WONDER it's the apocolypse!
Tim: Wait, Sept 7, 2000 was a week ago from Sept 15, 2001? No WONDER continuity is fucked?
Graham: Keep an eye out for DeLorians, Phone Booths, and Police boxes, folks.
>He deserted his father and boarded a raft, just as the explosions started
>The dinky raft somehow managed to hold up, and Ranma barely survived.
All: Unfortunately.
>"KUSSSSSSSOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed toward the heavens,
>damming whatever gods had cursed him toward such a fate, to lose his father
>as he was finally becoming a good man.
Tim: I'd think he'd rather curse the gods that shoved him into this fanfic...
>"Ranma-kun? Is that you?"
>Ranma turned towards the voice, in another life boat, was Misato.
Jordan: Being eaten alive by rats!
Graham: Jordan. Calm down, and take the happy pills.
Jordan: Shut up before I make you my next expiriment, rabbit boy!
>"Misato..... you survived to? How?"
>Misato shook her head as to get her thoughts straight. "I.... I
>think my father put me in this raft.... what happened?"
Tim: (Reading from a sheet of paper) Well, an author decided it would be a good idea to utterly destroy the
continuity of both your series, Ranma's moreso, but yours anyways. We suspect he was heavily medicated, or under the
influence of drugs at the time of conception.
>I'm not that sure myself, but I think that whatever happened, we're
>the only ones that survived. It had to be that thing your Tousan called....
Adam."
Graham: Frankenstien's Monster?
>"Then.... it happened."
All: No it didn't
Jordan: The government just wants us to THINK it did!
>"I'm not that sure at the moment." Misato fell to her knees and
>hugged herself.
Graham: Then she slapped herself silly, telling herself to get a hold of herself.
>"Tousan...." she whispered, "you really did love me didn't you?"
Jordan: Not if he left you alive in this fic he didn't.
>Ranma wasn't sure of what that meant, but was able to hear some
>planes flying overhead.
Tim: As if that's an accomplishment...
>"Yo! Down here!" He pulled out a flare gun from the emergency
>kit and let one fly. It got the attention he was hoping for.
Tim: How CONVENIENT that he got the inflatable raft with the flare gun...
>As a plane lowered to get them, Ranma jumped to Misato's raft,
>picked her up, and brought them to their raft.
Graham: The point of that was?
Tim: Wait, he hops to her inflatable raft, which was a boat, from his inflatable raft, and then onto yet another
raft, which was neither's, but is now the both of theirs. Oi...
>"A new world..... Misato. Here's to survival"
Tim: A new fic..... Jordan. Here's to the MST team's survival...
>End of Change Of Plans Prologue
All: Yippeee!
>Quick Author's Rant:
Graham: I wrote this, Bye.
>All right, now what the hell am I doing? I can't finish one
>story before getting started upon a new one!
Tim: May I suggest stopping writing if they're all as bad as this one?
>I'll Admit, I've noticed in some of the outer ways how Ranma
>and Asuka are alike on the outside and thought, da what the hell!
Jordan: I'll check NGE for myself on that one.
Tim: Redundantmuch?
>I've also noticed how in these X-overs, for the most part, Ranma
>pilots an EVA, and or pairs up with one of the pilots or Misato. So, after
>reading all of Just won't die by Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong, It got me inspired
>to do this.
Graham: When good writing can be used to a bad purpose...
>I'll admit that Asuka as Ranma's little sister as well as a decent
>Genma are both a stretch, but that's the beauty of writing.
Tim: You haven't read what you've written, have you?
>Expect a whole new Asuka my readers. So, shall I continue?
All: NO!!!
>"What does this button do?"
>Marle form Chrono Trigger
>Wishbringer
Jordan: Does it destroy thousands of innocent lives?
Tim: No, just the author.
Jordan: Even BETTER!
>Redheads
>A Slayers/Ranma 1/2 crossover fanfiction thingy that's silly
Tim: As in demented.
>(Each redhead and their respective related people
>are copyright the correct redhead owners.)
Graham: Who, Tim and his clone?
Tim: Goddesses know I've made enough in my day...
>Chapter Three: In which two redheaded people try to teach each
>other something, while the other two do something similar.
Jordan: Author, you are just a WELLSPRING of information.
>Also in which predictable chaos, mayhem, and the occasional spurt of
>sheer lunacy occurs.
Tim: Is Tigris teaching Kat to cook again?
Graham: Somehow, that sounds more interesting than this fic. Nah, forget the somehow.
>(Good one, Lina,) thought the crimson-haired sorceress to
>herself.
Jordan: Her name being Jill being beside the point.
>(Ask your psuedo-cousin perfect bodied doppelganger from another
>flipping dimension to train you in some mythical unarmed fighting
>style. REAL bright idea.)
Tim: Actually, yes, it is. Never know when every thing but your fists will fail ya.
>It wasn't really that the idea was bad. And Lina had known
>that combat training of any kind would be at times uncomfortable--
>after all, that's why they called it combat.
Graham: Training. Combat TRAINING.
>Constant was another thing. Apparently, "Cousin" Ranma
>considered EVERYTHING training, or at least an opportunity to do so.
Tim: Cousin? So we're just declaring Ranma as being related to Lina for no reason other than she has reddish hair?
Allllrighty then, I declare Ranma related to... Pink, Washu, Chocolat and Tira, Maico, Mai, Misty, Jessie, Kei,
Momo, Katt-
Graham: Kenshin?
Tim: Nope.
Graham: Nope? Why Nope?
Tim: Because Kenshin is A: Male, and B: Beleivable. Little enough is known of Ranma's heritage for his great
grandfather on his mother's side to have been the battosai. Explains the red hair as a female and Nodoka's habit of
carrying that sword around with her all the time.
>And since she wasn't planning to stay in this reality for very long--
>no longer than she had to-- she apparently had decided to make it a
>crash course.
All: Literally
Tim: (Ranma) Okay, Lina, now run smack dab, headfirst into that heavy Oak. When you can do it without passing out or
getting dizzy, then it's onto step two.
Graham: (Prof Oak) Stop bashing my leg young lady!
>This meant you didn't walk on the road if there's a handy fence,
>something to act as an obstacle course, or at the least bracken
>to hop over. Not struggle through-- hop over.
Jordan: Which, if you think about it, makes a damn lot more sense. Struggle through: Scratches, tiresome, slow, lots
of bugs. Hop over: Quick, not nearly as exhausting, bugs can't catch you.
>Then there was the fact that Lina was carrying a pack. Usually, Lina
>didn't carry a pack.
>She had Gourry carryone,
Graham: At last! We discover Gourry's last name and have the distinct honor of not being able to care less!
>often, but she didn't. She used simple magic to hide things in an
>extra dimensional pocket... but she didn't actually CARRY anything.
All: Hammerspace.
Tim: Hammerspace: useful. Heavy pack: constant heavy weight on back. Being able to knock an enemy senseless in one
strike before he sees it coming: Priceless.
Jordan: There are some things magic can't buy. For everything else, there's Ghaleon.
Tim: I'm actually pro hammerpsace, but, then again, I also wear extremely heavy clothing for training purposes,
so...
>Her usual opinion of luggage was that luggage was someone else's
>problem. She had explained all of this.
Jordan: (Lina): Like, I don't WANNA carry a pack. It's too HEAVY!!!
>Ranma had retorted with comments about upper body strength,
>stamina training, and self reliance. Ranma had said that body
>toning was essential. Ranma had said that magic was a fine thing,
Tim: But nowhere near as fine as Akane!
>she supposed, but in the Art (Lina could HEAR the capitals) it was
>also a crutch, and that Lina needed to start walking, metaphorically,
>on her own.
Jordan: Push her off a cliff! That always works!
Graham: That's for baby birds, Jordan.
Jordan: Who cares! It'd be funny to see her go SPLAT!
>Well, what Ranma had ACTUALLY said was "Look, you wanna learn
>the Art? Well, with those spindly arms and weak legs you ain't
>gonna. You got to build up. And Magic's cheating."
Tim: And here I thought it was a card game with nifty artwork. Darn.
>Result-- Lina was carrying a pack. A heavy one. Well, heavy
>to her.
Jordan: All of ten pounds, whoopie
Tim: I carry about twenty five around school most days. Last year, I trained myself by running across the football
field with the backpack on. All 100 yards.
>It didn't help that Ranma was carrying twice as much as she was
>and not even breathing hard. Or Akane the same. Or Gourry the
>same.
Tim: Or the sentence the same.
>The three physically trained people were chatting about how sensible
>it was to carry enough supplies.
Graham: No supplies, you die. Simple enough.
>The not physically trained person was not joining into the
>conversation because she was short of breath.
Jordan: (Levelling Bionic arm) I dare anyone to make a perverted comment.
Tim: I'm game. "Wow, Goury's so skilled, he can hike and Fu- (Jordan blasts him with an energy bullet from the arm)
-at the same time!
>Ranma talked about speed. The Art was also abou speed, she
>said. And Lina was too slow.
Tim: I'm starting to get really annoyed by all this usage of "She" when reffering to Ranma. And if he were here,
he'd be ticked as well. Since he isn't. I shall get ticked for him.
>Ranma hadn't started her on anything about speed yet, but had
>mentioned frightening things about hornet's nests and wolves.
Jordan: DUMP HER WITH THE CATS! DUMP HER WITH THE CATS!
Tim: Yeah, in a null magic chamber. tied up with ALL kinds of sausages... And when did Ranma ever speed train with
wolves? The bees were evasion training.
>And the falling stuff... how to fall down without getting hurt
>by the fall. Ranma taught her how to fall down on the ground. That
>was, actually, fairly easy.
Graham: Well, excpet for the fact that she kept falling on her keys, that is.
Tim: Like falling down would be difficult. I mean, what, is she supposed to miss the ground and go flying?
>She then moved Lina to fences. Lina hadn't quite got the hang
>of that yet.
Jordan: When you live in a mystical realm, where the hell are there gonna be fences?
>Lina was beginning to wonder if this was all some twisted joke.
Jordan: The training or this fic?
Tim and Graham: Yes.
>It wasn't any better that Ranma's insane training methods were
>apparently working.
Tim: She was now lifting the TEN pound dumbbells with ease.
>Lina wasn't still very clear about what Chi was-- and Ranma's
>indistinct explanations didn't help-- but she had the unsettling
>feeling that she WAS getting in touch with a part of herself that
>she hadn't known about before.
Jordan: Her inner lesbian.
>Her endurance was improving, her speed was increasing.
Graham: She was stronger, faster, and in every way better than before.
Tim: She was, the six million plot hole Saotome!
>This meant that she was only ninety percent exhausted instead
>of the one hundred and fourteen percent of the first week of travel.
Graham: Is that even possible?
Tim: What I wanna know is whether this fic is plausible or not.
>This was the second week. And it was a easy two month journey to
>Sailoon.
Tim: With neighboring city Tuxask.
>Worse, to both her and Lina's surprise (Lina hadn't actually
>expected Ranma to learn anything real)
Jordan: Just a few government conspiracies, that's all.
>Ranma had some talent for the Art Arcane. In fact, Ranma had
>managed to learn one actual honest to goodness spell.
Tim: Spell of Breast Augmentation! Akane, Have a DD cup, on me!
>That spell was Lighting, the all time most innocuous spell in history.
Tim: I'd hardly call a few million volts and instant barbecue Harmless.
>But it normally took a neophyte YEARS to learn even that first
>spell. Ranma had learned it in a week. Ranma had a talent for
>learning that was SCARY-- as long as Ranma was interested
Jordan: He learned about sex in three seconds after seeing Akane naked!