Shamming
Posted: 2007-10-29 08:59pm
In the following article, you'll learn the "whys" and "hows" of shamming.
But first, a history.
Shamming dates back to the ancient Greeks.
The earliest recorded instance of shamming, was the foot soldier Erasmus of Athens. Erasmus first discovered that with the simple ruse of standing in the back of formations and sneaking off after his name had been called he was able to receive pay for doing virtually nothing. With the inquisitive Greek knack for seeking knowledge, he experimented and discovered many of shamming techniques which are still used today.
Erasmus is widely famed for missing the battle of Marathon on account of having a cough.
Eventually Erasmus was brutally beaten to death by fellow Athenian soldiers. Also, they raped him first. A lot.
But the sham lived on, gaining a proud military history throughout the centuries.
In the United States, shamming is widely credited with ending both the War of 1812 and the long running M*A*S*H* television show.
It lives on in every military service, in every job. Except for the Air Force, because they don't really have anything to sham out of when you think of it.
So why sham?
Many reasons. Some do it to get out of exercise, others to go get sloshed, and a select few to play pay-by-month games wherein they are like a thirty four level orc wizard or something. I don't know, man, World of Warcraft so stupid. YOU CAN'T BEAT IT PEOPLE! Its just the same quests over and over. Ugh.
Now that we have the "why" down, here is the "how". The beauty of shamming is that the methods are limited only to the imagination of the shammer. Instead of trying to cover them all, here are three common techniques.
The check and run: Much like the sham of ancient Erasmus, this one consists of waiting in the back of a formation and then cheesing it once accounted for. The reason this is such a successful technique is because who takes multiple role calls in garrison formation? Nobody, that's who.
The unfortunate appointment: PT, the bane of any soldier. Life would be good without those damn flutter kicks. So what to do when that time roles around? Schedule important medical or financial business.
The volunteer and disappear: Nobody suspects a volunteer, and the people don't watch who they don't suspect- that's how Keyser Söze played it. Therefore; 1.volunteer 2.run away 3.get crunk.
And there you have it. With this simple guide as a stepping stone, you too can have a long sham filled career leeching precious government money like some sort of awful space vampire.
Thank you, and goodnight.
But first, a history.
Shamming dates back to the ancient Greeks.
The earliest recorded instance of shamming, was the foot soldier Erasmus of Athens. Erasmus first discovered that with the simple ruse of standing in the back of formations and sneaking off after his name had been called he was able to receive pay for doing virtually nothing. With the inquisitive Greek knack for seeking knowledge, he experimented and discovered many of shamming techniques which are still used today.
Erasmus is widely famed for missing the battle of Marathon on account of having a cough.
Eventually Erasmus was brutally beaten to death by fellow Athenian soldiers. Also, they raped him first. A lot.
But the sham lived on, gaining a proud military history throughout the centuries.
In the United States, shamming is widely credited with ending both the War of 1812 and the long running M*A*S*H* television show.
It lives on in every military service, in every job. Except for the Air Force, because they don't really have anything to sham out of when you think of it.
So why sham?
Many reasons. Some do it to get out of exercise, others to go get sloshed, and a select few to play pay-by-month games wherein they are like a thirty four level orc wizard or something. I don't know, man, World of Warcraft so stupid. YOU CAN'T BEAT IT PEOPLE! Its just the same quests over and over. Ugh.
Now that we have the "why" down, here is the "how". The beauty of shamming is that the methods are limited only to the imagination of the shammer. Instead of trying to cover them all, here are three common techniques.
The check and run: Much like the sham of ancient Erasmus, this one consists of waiting in the back of a formation and then cheesing it once accounted for. The reason this is such a successful technique is because who takes multiple role calls in garrison formation? Nobody, that's who.
The unfortunate appointment: PT, the bane of any soldier. Life would be good without those damn flutter kicks. So what to do when that time roles around? Schedule important medical or financial business.
The volunteer and disappear: Nobody suspects a volunteer, and the people don't watch who they don't suspect- that's how Keyser Söze played it. Therefore; 1.volunteer 2.run away 3.get crunk.
And there you have it. With this simple guide as a stepping stone, you too can have a long sham filled career leeching precious government money like some sort of awful space vampire.
Thank you, and goodnight.