Guild Wars: Mercenaries

[Schuyler Colfax]

Okay, this is my first official attempt at a fanfic, so go easy on me. It just hit me a week ago to write a Guild Wars fanfic, I was surprised that that thought never crossed my mind before. Anyway this is my attempt at the fantasy genre (seeing how that's mostly what I read), it comes with a little blend of light comedy (well not in this chapter) to give it a lighter tone. So give me some feedback, tell me what you like and don't like, and what I can improve on so I can get better as the chapters go along. Yes, this will have multiple chapters, how many? Could be 50, could be 500, we'll see.



Guild Wars: Mercenaries

Near the edge of the Shiverpeaks lies a small town of humans. They live peacefully on the mountain side. Their original plan was to go to Krytra with a much larger band of humans, but they enjoyed the life up there. It was a tough decision for some, but they decided to stay. A few of them were skilled in combat, at least to the town’s standards, so they were able to fend off small bands of enemies, like Snow Minotaur, Snow Wolves, and the worst of all the Stone Summit.

Whenever the town was short on supplies, they sent a messenger to request the aid of the local dwarves of near by areas. Once the dwarves got the message there is usually a four day period between then and when they got the supplies. Our story begins with that messenger, a young Elementalist on his way back from meeting with the dwarves. Once he makes it to the top of this hill his home will be in site.

“*Pant* *Pant* almost there.”

He makes it to the top and gazes at the town and smiles. He feels something huge go over him and looks up.

“What the… *pant* is that a… siege attack?”

It smashes right into the town. Another one follows seconds later.

“No, no!”

He looks to the left into the direction the attacks are coming from. He runs toward it. As he runs on the hilltop another one flies over him. On the bottom of the hill’s left side stood a group of Stone Summit. They were firing a ballista.

“*Pant* *Pant* *Cough*… there was a survivor.”

A week previously a small band of Stone Summit had come across the town. The town’s fighters defeated them in a small struggle, or so they thought.

Anger fueled the body of the young Elementalist.

“*Pant* I KNEW IT, I KNEW… I SAW SOMETHING WHY DIDN’T I TELL ANYONE!”

He runs back to look at his town.

“I… I have to get out of here.”

He looks back at the town once more.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He heads back to the dwarf town from which he came.

“The survivor must have told others about us. That attack was planned.”

It starts snowing heavily.

“Not now.”

A force strikes him and he flies into a the air and lands on a tree.

“*Pant* what the?”

He gets hit again and lands on anther tree. Something picks him up and throws him onto a large rock.

“Aaaaaaaahhh!” he screams from the pain.

Something picks him up again and throws him, but somehow he manages to land on his feet. He closes his eyes, and listens. He couldn’t see anyway with the snow coming down harder and faster. He takes out his wand. It’s a starter wand; it’s as thin and small as it is weak. He whips it forward and a small flame flings ahead of him. A small grunt is heard. He opens his eyes and sees a large blue figure head of him.

“Snow Minotaur eh? COME ON!”

He thrusts his arm out with wand at hand and a stronger flame comes out, this time actually hurting the Minotaur. He continues firing at with the flames coming out of his wand. The Minotaur gets angrier and slaps the wand out of his hand and punches him.

“*Cough*”

He coughs up some blood. Somehow he manages to stay up and jumps for the want, but the Minotaur catches him and hurls him up in the air. He sees the Minotaur getting ready to finish him off.

“Here it goes.”

His eyes start glowing white and he stops in mid air. His arms come out and he flings them in the direction of the Minotaur.

“FLARE!!!”

A larger flame comes from his hands and hits the Minotaur. When he lands he continues his assault on the Minotaur. He continues to use flare on the Minotaur until it dies.

“*Pant* *Pant* *Pant* *Pant* OH WOW! *Pant*”
He walks to his wand and picks it up. He hears a deep and heavy breath come from behind him and turns around.

“OH FUUC….!”

A Stone Summit soldier bashes him in the stomach with a large hammer. The Elementalist coughs up more blood and falls to the ground. The Stone Summit soldier gets closer to him.
“Human scum.”

The soldier raises the hammer.

“Die Human.”

A flame shaped as a phoenix flies into the into the soldiers face and kills him. An old man and a younger woman approach the Elementalist and look down upon him.

“Is he alive?” asks the young woman.
“Yes, but he won’t be for much longer if we don’t get him back to Odin.” says the old man.

[von Neufeld]

It needs names. It's hard to get readers to care about Mr. no-name and his home the-town-without-a-name.

[CaptainChewbacca]

I think the title of this story should be changed to 'Something vague fucks up vikings'.

More descriptive. Seriously, get yourself some proper nouns and direct articles. Its got promise, but its like a car that's just an engine; Its not going anywhere, its not fun to look at, and its staining my driveway.

[Darth Fanboy]

And after you follow Chewie's advice, take the time and effort to write something with some length, instead of a couple of paragraphs that probably took you less than a half hour to write and us less than a half minute to read. At least it's a type of fic that hasn't been explored much on this forum, and when it's fleshed out it could stand out.