Dealing with the Devil, a GitMS PSA

[Mayabird]

Dealing with the Devil, a PSA from the Panzer Pyro

[Location: some kind of dark magical laboratory.
Scene: A WIZARD (looking suspiciously like a palette swap of Elizar) stands before an enchanted mirror decorated with a sharp-pointy-thing-covered-with-blood motif. A shadowy figure illuminated by a reddish glowing background speaks from the mirror.]

Wizard: So when I release you, you’ll honor your side of the agreement?
Shadowy evil guy: Of course.
Wizard: Then I will begin at once!
[PANZER PYRO steps in the way of the camera.]
Panzer Pyro: Not so fast, evil wizard dude!
Wizard (annoyed): Panzer Pyro! How’d you get in my house?
Panzer Pyro (turns slightly to the wizard, and speaks a bit quietly as robot synthesized voices go): You left the door unlocked, for starters. [She turns back to the camera.] This dark magic user here is about to commit one of the more clichéd stupid acts that magicians do.
Wizard: Oh really? What is that?
Panzer Pyro: Why, trusting a demon lord’s word, of course!
Wizard: What do you mean?

[PANZER PYRO walks to the side, where there is a chalkboard illustrated with pictures of demons, monsters, and godlike figures. She faces the camera.]
Panzer Pyro: Kids, have you ever been approached by a devil, trickster god, or any other sketchy supernatural creatures? If this actually happened to you, you were probably offered all sorts of rewards and incentives if you did their bidding. I am here today to tell you not to listen to them.

[Cut to WIZARD]
Wizard: But he offered to make me his lieutenant when he took over the world!
Panzer Pyro: That’s one of the many things these creatures offer to us mortals. [As items are mentioned, the words appear on screen, from top to bottom.] Power, wealth, fame, revenge, bringing back a dead loved one, eternal life, putting your favorite cancelled TV show back on the air, and so on. All this and more, so long as we do something for them first.
[Music grows ominous.]
Panzer Pyro: But how do you know that you can trust them?
Wizard: He promised! He said he’d keep his word!

[PANZER PYRO walks slowly towards the camera. ]
Panzer Pyro: All these creatures I mentioned, the devil and dark gods and so forth, all have one feature in common: they exist only to torment humans and make their lives miserable. Why should this situation be any different?
Wizard: But…he said…
Panzer Pyro: Why assume that he’s honest? They do call Satan the Prince of Lies, after all. And even if he does intend to keep his word, what’s to keep him from rules lawyering it so you don’t get what you really want? You could be made his lieutenant, but in that role, you’re subordinate to all his generals, and their job is to stick you in a burning hot cage and jab you with knives all day. Or maybe they put your show back on, but now it sucks. What can you do about it then? You have already sold your soul or released them from their hellish bonds, and now you’re stuck dealing with the consequences.
Wizard: I see what you mean. I do all the work, and in the end he’ll just screw me over!
Panzer Pyro: Exactly! Now you understand why it’s such a bad idea to make deals with the devil!
Wizard (turning to the mirror): Deal’s off, Mephisto!
Shadowy evil guy: Curse you, Panzer Pyro! How dare you defy me by revealing my evil plans! I shall- [A large metal fist smashes into the center of the mirror, shattering it and cutting off the image and voice.]
Panzer Pyro: Shut up, dude. Nobody wants to listen to you.
Wizard (talking to himself in a loud whisper): Why, with my powers, I don’t need demonic help. I could conquer this world by myself and then no one could - [Flame spurts from offscreen, enveloping WIZARD.] AAAAAAAGH!

[Camera centers on PANZER PYRO, who stands in the middle of the laboratory as the flaming WIZARD runs off screaming.]
Panzer Pyro: Remember kids, never place your trust into untrustworthy supernatural beings!

[CAMERA pans to the side where YANCY sits at a computer.]
Yancy: What about this email I got? He says he’s a Nigerian prince, not some devil, and he’ll make me rich if I trust him.
[Cut to PANZER PYRO.]
Panzer Pyro (turned towards Yancy, away from camera, and annoyed): That’s a totally different scam, Yancy. [Turns back toward camera.] So the next time some fiend offers you a deal, run away quickly and contact your nearest reputable paranormal investigator or superhero.
Yancy: Like the Panzer Pyro!
Panzer Pyro: Like me! …wait, what?

[Heroic music rises in volume, drowning out the argument as PANZER PYRO and YANCY gesticulate in the background. The scene is covered by the Atlanta city seal with the message: “This public service announcement was sponsored by the Atlanta City Council, the Atlanta Society of the Supernatural and Coca-Cola.”]

THE END