The Shroomanian Affair (NSFW)

[MKSheppard]

For it was a dark and stormy night...
...and in the alleys of SPARTAFREEDOMERICA whores plied their filthy trade

(continue SHROOM).

[Shroom Man 777]

forsooth were the wintry nites so cold and hard, that frozen stiff sheppy pooh's member was, and warmth did he need to stem the bite of frost within his crotch

yet there was no lukewarm liquids to dip his member thus and t'was whence he plucked that icicle's jagged pointy point

so sharp was it as shep lunged and plunged, its icy tip to the hooker's tit, to breastbleed her milkbags so sheppy did whilst she screamed off her gaping lid

then and there did shep find respite, as the dead hooker still so warm in her bloodied bossom he so dickstabbed with might

and whilst the corpse grew cold, did his meat find heat, thus his cock did finally fold

[MKSheppard]

As the whore's blood dripped from his sword, Shepples looked around and pocketed the whores' pay for that day.

"Goddamn filthy sluts, they all deserve it."

Suddenly, there was a commotion and around the corner came the whore's pimp....

[Shroom Man 777]

the monocled germanian with a moustache came with a dash, behold the sight of a thanas who had gone bananas

'my whore my whore' the kraut was so distraught 'god's most beautiful creations they are, you have gone too far by far!'

'but old bean, don't be mean,' said the shep with a glow, pointing to the dead hooker on the snow. 'my member was stiff hence the tiff'

'i'll show you what mean is' spat thanas as he drew a pistol. 'the gun is good and the penis is evil'

so rang the shot throughout the lot

and thus was sheppo's member dismembered in december

he moved to block his cock with his sword, but with the word of 'shit' was he hit

like a ninjer did his katana block the bullet, cutting the round to two as they found their ground

in a spectacle each bullet's half in one testicle each

in an emasculating reach

[MKSheppard]

"Jesus fucking shit! You goddamn kraut bastard!" shouted Shep as his crotch froze over with caked blood.

"I'll fucking ruin you for that. I'll cut your fucking balls off and force you to eat them!" he shouted with an evil gleam in his eye.

Seemingly ignoring the crippling pain from his crotch, Shep leapt forward in a practiced lope.

The sneer on Thanas' face disappeared and he brought up his cane, which transformed into a sword.

"You louse! I'll run you through like a Prussian!"

[Shroom Man 777]

cling clang their blades went as battle was joined for the fate of shep's blown up loin

amidst the snow and the wind were blood and pubic hair, all over the place in a big disgrace

cling clang

cling clang

the blades went, and with a swish to the ground was thanas' nipple sent

'mein nippel! mein nippel!' the demented austrian lamented. 'strudel strudel strudel!'

'have at thee!' sheppo said-o. 'cheerio you jerry hun on a bun!'

blades clashed with a crash

cling clang

cling clang

but as they battled did the cold seep, much like the yuletide season, into their hearts and warts

sheppy-pooh gazed at his groin, realizing that he'd never be a loin(star)

thanas too saw that where his breast had been was now a gash

both realized that they had acted rash

now the war was done, it was time to weep, for with their losses only the spirit of christmas did they keep

no more cling and clang

and so shroomy did say 'mang, i'd like some sleep'

[Shroom Man 777]

doth did he dream of a whory whory nite of many many whores whores whores

their mammaries masticated as they were bleeding blood from their baggy bags of milk

just like your mother

her breasts bled on me

[Shroom Man 777]

'ho ho ho'

'ho ho ho'

'ho ho ho'

came the jolly voice in the din of the cold, each 'ho' sounded of 'whore' with its noise

'merry christmas'

'merry christmas'

footfalls on the snow, like the sound of boot heels stamping on a human face forever

it was sinterklaas stalking the wintry white following a trail of blood, which shone red in the light

'ho ho ho' he called

'whores whores whores' sheppy heard

he was in a deep ditch huddled with thanas, as heat came from a garbage can in which burned a dead bitch

'whores whores whores?' thanas asked, clutching his torn titty like his mama's

'whores whores whores' sheppy affirmed, and the next cry of 'ho ho ho' confirmed

'mein gott adolf eichmann mang' gasped the germanian, a warning that they should be arming

and armed they did, for without a word, sheppy picked his sword

'ho ho ho' came the voice

'whores whores whores!' sheppy cried

but expecting a shroomy instead they found a santa, who was much more friendly and much less crazy

'put down your arms my childrens' the jolly sinterklaas saids 'this is the spirit of christmas, let us make friends'

'but mein herr i've lost quite a bit,' thanas replied. 'like this piece of my tit.'

'and my balls santa sir' shep went 'the bullets in them make my nuts stir'

'take solace and notice' santa laughed 'that you boy thanas, have a new tit, the breast blood has frozen to a sharp tip'

'i see it is perky just like beef jerky' thanas rubbed his nipple, which was now an icicle

'but what about me?' sheppy cried. 'what shall i be?'

'those bullets now in your nuts shall be the new balls in your sack' santa said 'much harder and firmer and rounder than your testicles' previous occupant'

'i will never have babies' sheppy lamented

'i will never make milks' thanas cemented

'well too bad' santa spat 'you bunch of ingrates, that's all you get'

'wait, santa!' shep and thanas cried, but alas

santa was gone, like a bird or a plane with as much disdain

leaving thanas and shep in a ditch, by the garbage can with a dead bitch

'hold me' thanas said

so shep did, and around thanas did he place his arm

and then they were both quite warm


THE END

merry christmasu

[Mayabird]

Hell with it. I'm saving this bitch.
[line 2]

[EarthScorpion]

A masterful display of post-rationalist surrealism, with its deconstruction of the nature of Christmas and obfuscatory (though often profane, which in itself shows great awareness of the cultural expectations associated with langauge) vocabulary.

*Adjusts monocle*

In other words; whaaaaaaaat?

[Formless]

In other words; whaaaaaaaat?

Welcome to Testingistan.

[Shroom Man 777]

Testingstan?! THIS. IS. FANFICS!!!! *kicks*

But yeah, that was silly and fun, and I wuv Sheppy-pooh and thank you Mayabirds for saving this. You guys are totally cools.

[Phantasee]

Awesome! I'm glad Mayabird is a mod now, she's great at it.