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Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-01-29 09:43pm
by nerys
I decided to try my hand at some fan fiction. I am not skilled at this kind of thing so I am probably going to have to revise it quite a few times to clean it up grammar spelling etc..

Be gentle :-) this is just one short story a "battle fic" if you will of an encounter between a starship of the federation and a star destroyer of the empire.

I have been BLOWN AWAY by the stuff you guys are writing. I just read the first part of Star Trek Invasion and I LOVED it!

let me know what you all think.

-

I have seen much fan fiction on star wars versus star trek. I have decided to try my hand at writing something myself.

I use data from produced production in television and movies.

For many star wars technologies I have had to take some poetic license with them. In all cases I will try to assume it is better than what is presented on screen. Some of the things in star wars do not make sense but this is largely because the "technology" was not the focus of the star wars franchise.

One thing that always bugged me with star wars is that a pitifully small vessel such as a fighter or x-wing etc.. could bring something the size of a star destroyer down. This should not be possible so I am going to modify star wars tech slightly to reflect what it in reality would more closely resemble. technologically its not really a fair fight. SW tech just does not really have a chance. But I like them both so I am going to beef up the SW side to make it more interesting.

I am assuming a time period when the dark side was in control of the republic since under normal conditions The federation would never be an aggressor to the republic and a Jedi controlled republic would have no need or desire to be an aggressor to the federation.

I am no writer. So these will be small "short stories" I will call them "Battle Fics" kind of a X Versus Y kind of thing.

If I get enough of them written and it seems like its worth the effort and I seem to have or develop the needed skills I may start to form a "story" around them.

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The Battle of Alpha Denary by Chris Taylor jr

Alpha Denary system.

On board the USS Banator.

Captain I am detecting a spatial disturbance from sector 114,327 on the system plane.

The captain looks at his science officer, Can you determine what it is?

No sir, replies the science officer, if I had to guess I would say some form of gateway or tunnel into subspace but it does not read as sub space.

Definately interdimensional.

Bring us in closer helm, lets get a better look at it.

The USS Banator makes a short hop to warp and comes upon the disturbance a moment later.

All Stop the captain orders the helm.

Lt. humer answers the all stop at the helm.

Full scans orders the captain.

Sir, says the science officer with exitement. I think this is some form of FTL readings indicate a ship, a very large ship, is emmerging the effect should be visual now.

Sure enough on the forward viewer there is a sparkling flash of visible spectrum light and an elongated ship appears in front of them and quickly returns to normal.

The ship is massive. massive is actually an understatement.

My god says the helmsman.

Enough of that says the captain. Science what am I looking at. How large IS that ship.

Its a little over 17km long sir.

It matches the descriptions of the ships that are coming through the galactic wormhole that have proclaimed their dominion of this galaxy but much larger.

Reports are they are very hostile.

Tactical status please.

Commander Shelvon repsonds

Sir I am detecting shields of a sort. They are not impeeding our sensor scans. Primitive design but pumping out an immense amount of power.

I am showing what appears to be gun emplacements all over the ship. Hundreds of them sir. I have never seen a vessle with so much armamment. I am now showing over 1000 gun emplacements and am not finished my scan.

They are energy based of unknown variety. I am also showing what appears to be projectile launchers all over the ship as well.

Communications officer Wheeler turns around, Incoming transmission sir.

On screen. Audio only sir I can not yet decode the video if one exists.

The speakers come to life.

Federation vessel you are to shut down your engines disarm you weapons systems and prepare to be boarded.

Transmission ended sir they are not waiting for a reply.

Tactical: I am detecting a launch sir. It looks like fighters. Time to intercept. 3 minutes sir. They are not moving very fast. They appear to be using convetional newtonian propulsion systems. Very efficient but not fast.

The squadron of tie fighers approaches the USS Banator. This is blue leader keep formation tight open fire once in range.

On the bridge of the Banator. Shields up, Phasars at the ready.

Threat Assesment demands the captain. Scans are coming in now sir. Threat level low. Conventional Directed energy weapons of relatively low yeild and some projectile weapons in the larger vessels.

Time to intercept 90 seconds

Open a channel.

Unidentified vessel. You have entered federation space with hostile intent. Leave at once or we will be forced to open fire.

No reply sir.

Weapons on the fighter squadron armed sir. They are coming in hot. They are opening fire. Brace for impact announces the captain.

The shields absorb the incoming fire. Damage report demands the captain.

Tactical replies. No damage sir. Shields are holding. Projectile weapons coming in now. Impact in 8 seconds.

The missles impact the shields. The bridge of the banator seems to shudder under the impact. Shields down to 94% recharging. The weapons are primitive but pack a wallop sir. Output on the scale of a small nuclear detonation each sir.

Shield penetration demands the captain. Minor captain replies the tactical officer. They are no threat unless they come in force.

Sir the fighters are coming around for another pass. They do not appear to have AG fields or IDF sir they are fully newtonian.

OK take us to the larger vessel 1/4 impulse keep an eye on the shields tactical.

Blue squadron come around for another pass concentrate your fire. Bomber wing larger salvo of proton missles their shileding wavered under those on the first run. Acknowledged replied the bomber wing.

Sir they are powering up to move away.

Keep on them demanded blue leader.

Too late sir they are gone. Wow I never saw a ship move so fast sir. They are heading toward the Amalon sir.

Ok follow them in.

On board the star destroyer amalon.

Sir chimes tactical. The shields of the federation vessel were not affected by the fighters blasters sir. The proton missles did cause them to waiver. They have accelerated toward us at am impossible 25% of light speed sir they will be here in second.

All hands to ion and blaster batteries. Prepare for battle.

The banator approaches the star destroyer amalon. The city sized ship fills the entire view screen.

Tactical report demands the captain.

We are being targeted sir. No responce to hails.

How can a ship that large fly asks the captain.

I am not sure replies tactical. Scans show the majority of the bulk of the ship is reserved for power generation. Its one giant power plant sir.

Science turns around. It would have to be sir. Its also Newtonian in nature. It actually pushes itself around in space by brute force alone. Like a large rocket ship sir.

I am showing primitive AG fields at work but no dedicated IDF sir. That ships structure is literally built strong enough to hold itself together. Its a slug at sublight sir but its a tank sir. A tank on steroids.

Probably explains its massive armament. Its not going to be able to shoot and scoot sir. its going to envelope its enemy in a surppressive field of fire. I would not advise hanging around this close sir.

at that moment the amalon opens up and the view screen seems to turn green.

Incoming sir. The shields of the banator are pummeled with directed energy fire.

As the bridge shakes the captain demands a report. Sir the weapons are the same primitive weapons on the fighter just more powerful. On a normal scale this would not even be a conern but they are firing such a simply massive barrage of energy our shields are unable to dissipate the energy quickly enough. The shields will fail in 30 seconds sir.

Return fire. Phasars.

Tactical: Firing full sweep. Sir no effect. While their shields are primitive compared to ours the scale of them sir. We simply can not pour enough energy into them to make a dent.

15 seconds till sheild failure. reports science.

Helm get us out of here full impulse. The banator moves away.

as the banator moves away the shaking stops.

Did they stop firing asks the captain. No sir they are simple not tracking us fast enough.

All Stop. We are 3 light seconds out sir.

Fighters commands the captain? No sir the original squad is returning to the ship. I think they realized how useless they are.

Incoming fire sir. Move us again helm. Eye sir full impulse and all stop.

Science am I seeing this right? asks the captain

Science responds. Yes sir you are. They are using light speed sensor technology.

Captain looking dumbfounded. How is that possible? how can a vessel that large clearly intended for interstellar travel function with light speed sensor capacity.

I do not know sir. they clearly have some form of FTL propulsion and FTL communications but appear to lack FTL sensor capabilities.

OK help keep us 1 light second out at all times. when they adjust change course to keep us out of their firing path.

Eye sir replies the helm and inputs the commands into his controls. The banator moves out at 1/4 impusle keeping a 1 light second spacing between her and the enemy vessel.

Sir chimes the science officer. My guess is no one on their side has FTL sensors or serious sublight propulsion. Its like the romans in space sir. They jump to where they need to be and then pummel each other in close range combat so all of there systems are designed for this sort of close range combat. As long as we keep our distance they should not be able to touch us.

They would never be able to fight a distance battle because of the light lag.

helm how are you doing. Sir they are not firing any longer. I think your right they use non FTL sensor and can not track us at relativistic velocities or great distances. They are not even trying to fire.

Can we return fire from here? asks the captain.

Tactica: sure we can but the phaser beam will have even less effect from this distance sir. It will be like hitting the with a flash light sir.

Onboard the amalon.

Sir those beams are their form of directed energy weapons chimes tactical. Very powerful sir far more powerful than our canons but they appear to only have a few of them on the vessel. Our shields would be no match for those weapons on a capital sized ship sir but they are so small and their energy output so low overall our shields simply absorb the energy.

Our blasters and ion canons were depleting their shields by brute force sir they rocketed away at insane velocity sir. We could not track them fast enough even with computer assitance.

How did they move so fast demanded the commander. What kind of propulsion system allows that and how are they even still alive after accelerating so hard.

Science turns around. I think I have some answers sir.

SPEAK says the commander.

Science replies. I noticed in our scans. They appear to use some form of fusion based propulsion. Rather advanced actually but not usable on a ship our size. I thought it impossible to contain enough reaction mass in such a small ship. But the sensors exposed the way. The ships mass appears to get lighter as it accelerates.

How is that possible demands the captain.

tactical continues, Apparently they have discovered how to lower the effective mass of the ship so they do not need so much reaction mass to move. This also allows them to move faster.

They also have some very strange AG fields sir. They appear to strengthen the vessel as well as "cancel out" the forces of acceleration to a greater extent and much faster than our fields can.

Their computational power must be staggering sir.

Also they appear to be able to "see" us in real time sir.

The commander intterupted him. Like I can see him outside my window officer?

No sir they are approximately 1 light second out. what you see is what they looked like 1 second ago sir.

This is why the batteries can not track them sir. They have to "lead" but once we target the area the the vessel will occupy 1 second from now the vessel changes course immediately sir as if it is watching us actually target it in real time which should not be possible unless they are accessing the force like the jedi do sir.

It appears they also can not attack us however from such distance...

Onboard the Banator

The Captain askes his tactical office: What about Photon's

Normally the photons would have limited usage from this distance but that ship would be unable to move out of the way in time.

Fire a photon lets see what happens target a weapons battery.

Which one sir. There are thousands of them says tactical.

Pick one says the captain, clearly annoyed.

Affirmative says tactical. Runs his fingers over the targeting displaying picking a battery at random locks and fires.

Torpedo away captain.

Onboard the amalon

Incoming missle sir. Impact in 3 seconds moving very fast we can not evade.

The bridge of the amalon shudders slightly. Damage report commands the captain.

Minor damage. Small fire in the battery from the energy that made it through the shields. Very odd missle. Extremely energetic for its size. I might be a little concerned if they could fire more than one.

tactical: 2 more missles incoming sir!

On the Benator

Sir minor damage sheilds not overly effected but a hole was made by the torpedo. I think if we fired 2 the first would weaken the sheilds locally and the second would punch through.

Science Station. Agree captain. It is not one "solid" sheild like ours are but an "array" of sheilds. which makes sense considering the size of the vessel.

If we concentrate our fire on one section I think we will weaken it enough to make some headway.

Do it orders the captain. 2 Torpedo's away.

On the amalon.

Impact imminent sir.

The bridge of the amalon shudders slightly again. We have damage sir. the second torpedo punched clean through massive damage to that section of the ship. Bulkheads are coming down.

I want suppression fire on all further incoming missles get repair crews down their seal up those holes. Get word to the command ship of this new development.

Sir the ship is moving off. Its gone sir. It looked like some form of FTL drive but it was not hyperspace.

Understood. make for the planet.

Eye sir.

Onboard the Banator.

That did it sir. Massive damage from the penetration of the second torpedo.

Science: Sir we have a problem. We can not continue our attack.

Captain: Why not?

Science: its just too big sir. Even if we expended every torpedo we have on this vessel with its sheilds down we just do not have enough torpedo's to destroy more than maybe 25% of the vessel

Silence fell over the bridge.

OK lets get out of here and get some reinforcements. Contact starfleet HQ I want the admiral on the line.

From just outside the system. Sir more ships are coming in through hyperspace. Intelligence reports say thats what the republic calls it.

Its a form of interdimensional travel on layers similar to subspace. We can track them now. They move at about Warp 8 no faster no slower.

So we can go faster but not by much and they can maintain those speeds sir. Scans of the region that we have gotten show that once your in hyperspace your good to go for pretty much as long as you want.

But they can not see into or see out of hyperspace. One they are in they are blind to the universe until they exit.

Without FTL sensors they are never going to be able to "see" us while we are at warp. Lets hope they don't discover FTL sensor tech then.

Lets get some help for that planet.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-01-30 05:14pm
by Teebs
I think you're a troll. Also, you make quite a few spelling mistakes and your grammar is simply bad.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-01-30 07:57pm
by nerys
I am definitely aware of that. I have horrid grammar. Laziness mostly. Either way I was bored last night and the stuff I read on here motivated me. I do a lot of day dreaming but never put anything down on paper.

I will work on cleaning it up. I probably should have cleaned it up first but I was tired and impatient....

I am reading some of stuart's stuff right now (truly amazing stuff) I am going to use that as a guide for how to express who is talking etc.. was not sure how to "express" that properly.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-01-31 12:52am
by Vastatosaurus Rex
You should use more quotation marks for your dialogue.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-01-31 02:53am
by nerys
I realize that now :-) I was avoiding using them since I tend to overuse them. reviewing others works I see they are used often and realized (duh :-) it not over using when used properly :-)

I am going to work on cleaning it up on Sunday!

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-01-31 09:50pm
by The Romulan Republic
In addition to punctuation, quotation marks, spelling, their is I believe at least one point where you switch from one side's point of view to the other without any indication of the shift. Also, some inexplicable switching between past and present tense, I think.

A secondary issue after the grammar issues is the relative lack of characterization. I realize you acknowledged your weaknesses as a writer, and that this is a short fic about a battle, but giving more of the characters names (instead of just listing what bridge station they work at) and a short description might give them personality.

Finally, some questions: is the Star Wars vessel an ISD or an SSD? It is referred to as a Star Destroyer, but its length is that of a Super Star Destroyer/Star Dreadnought. However, its commanding officer is referred to simply as the commander. Is Commander his formal rank? Normally, an SSD would be commanded by an Admiral or an important political figure.

Also, is it a Republic or Imperial ship? You keep saying "Republic," but it sounds like an SSD, which is usually an Imperial ship.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-02-01 12:09am
by nerys
i still have to research military structure for both sides

i kept forgetting the name i made up and looking back was slowing me down. when I get time to redo this I am going to create a command tree on paper so I can glance at it anytime I need to remember a station or crew member name

I just finished reading lucifer's hammer (it took all my time this weekend) frelling great story by the way!

once I have a story laid out (pretty much done) I plan to go back and add more description and embellishment

I always thought it all as the republic but I guess it would be imperial? (I need to research the military structure of the star wars universe more so I can get the terms right)

yes its the big one not the regular star destroyer. I wanted a ship that would be impossible for a federation ship to destroy easily even without shields to make it more ominous :-) and at 17km I don't care what weapons your using its going to take an ass ton of them to make a dent in something that large especially if it can defend itself.

I did do a little research on that which is how I came up with the 17km length and number of guns etc.. but I also found a lot of contradictory information.

is there a good relatively canon source for this kind of technical detail?

its proving to be a lot of work to "add the details" but its also proving quite addictive. I don't have a lot of free time but I plan to spend a lot of it really cleaning this story up.

once I get this one down really well I want to continue with the landing on that planet they were heading for. That is going to be fun with SW stuff. they just have so much cool land stuff to play with :-)

but I want to get this story really clean first.

First thing is clean up the grammar. Next will be my command structure cards so I can add all the names properly

after that embellish each character. I figure I can create a mini "bio" on the more important characters and draw on that for character development.

HOW DO you guys do this? is there a guide structure for this kind of thing?

I have a feeling I won't end up very good at this but I am confident I can give it a good go at it and it IS fun so far so I am going to keep going and see where I end up.

right now I am avoiding transporter usage and "force" usage. both of those are weapons that can DECIMATE the other side. I also don't want to neuter those weapons either.

with transporters I can just beam a torpedo into the powerplant and blow any of them up.

with the force he can just make someone auto destruct or overload the warp core etc..

so I have to figure out how to "balance" those extreme powers before I use them.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-02-01 11:27am
by Thanas
Would it kill you to make at least a simple effort at formatting and syntax? Your single line posts with almost no punctuation makes my brain hurt.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-02-01 12:38pm
by nerys
yes when I next work on this that will be the first thing I fix before anything else.

Grammar Punctuation etc.. it was late at night I was bored and itching to do something so I cranked that out.

Re: Decided to try my hand as some Fan Fiction

Posted: 2010-02-01 12:42pm
by Kingmaker
Grammar, Punctuation etc.. it was late at night I was bored and itching to do something so I cranked that out.
Never ignore proper grammar and spelling because you're in a rush. It will always be more painful to go back and insert it later. Besides, it's not like proper formatting is difficult. A good place to start is not starting a new line with nearly every sentence.