Suggestions/criticisms for the idea of a SW vs. ST fanfic

[shesgonnablow]

Although not currently too developed, I do have a main idea for a possible fanfic, and was wondering what you guys think. Here it is:
A Klingon ship stumbles upon the SW galaxy, due to a wormhole it creates, and gets into a fight with Soulless One, Greivous's ship. Naturally, they lose very badly, with only the Klingon captain being able to beam on board the Slave IV, before the Klingon ship gets destroyed. The Captain knifes one of Grievous's mechanical cords as Grievous kills the Captain with a lightsaber. Grievous, realizing he's about to die, ask who the Klingon sides with, to which he answers "The Federation", in an attempt to get the federation in trouble. Grievous reports this to the Empire, who try to track down the Federation to get revenge for them killing the general. While investigating the crimescene, they find the worm hole and travel through it, only to alert the federation of new lifeforms invading, and for them to be ready.The fleet of ships quickly invades Rhaandaran, with nearly fifty ships at their disposal. Destroying everything thrown at them, the Federation is desperate and sends The Enterprise, with James T. Kirk and his crew, to the attack. Understanding they stand no chance in space combat,Bones, Kirk, Spock, beam aboard the largest ship, only to be greeted by a few stormtroopers. Kirk kills them all with his phaser, at level 16 and ready to vaporise, and ventures further into the ship. He overhears a conversation between Darth Vader and Darth Maul, who agree that the galaxy is weak and pitiful, and warp back through the wrom hole. However, Pakel joins them shortly before inter-galactic travel takes place, and they are now in the SW galax, again. When this happens, Vader very abruptly notices them, and, instead of killing them all, he exiles them all to a wastelandwhere they are sure to die. Years pass, the quadruplet barely surviving, and a bounty hunter by the name of Thoian Milltall finds them, with the intentions of killing Kirk for money. In the end though, they outnumber him, although Kirk does get injured, and the fight ends with Spock nerve pinching him. They hijack his ship, with intentions of traveling back to their home world. On the way there, they intercept the Starship Z-1045, which shoots them down easily. Pavel accesses 3 escape shuttles, each only holding one person. Bones leaves himself behind, while the other three use the shuttle to board onto the Z-1045. Vader is waiting for them, and uses the force to grab Spock and begin choking him. He then explains that he spared Kirk's life because he sensed the force within him, and hoped it could be used ot the advantage of the Siths. HOwever, he later realized Kirk was too good, and sent Thoian to kill him. However, he will now do it himself. He kills spock, without Spock being able to do the mind meld, and Kirk becomes enraged at him. In an explosion of force, Kirk destroys everyone around him, including Pavel and Vader, and hightails it outta there on the Z-1045. He re-enters the wormhole, only to find the Enterprise destroyed along with al it's crew. Kirk returns home, everyone he knew dead, and the Earth is just as barren as the land he was exiled to.

Obviously just a draft/ plot-line, but do you think i should to take it into rough draft/final draft form? All opinions and suggestions appreciated.

Probably some continuity issues, i don't know enough about SW to be able to tell.

[Solauren]

First rule of fan-fiction; Be familiar with the source material.
Second Rule of Fan-Fiction: BE FAMILIAR WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

Grevious was dead before the Empire came about

Grevious could take on full Jedi Masters and win. A Klingon with a knife is not a threat to him. (Grevious was capable of hitting a target with his 4 lightsabers a total of 20 times a second).

Klingon Captains do not abandon ship. They order suicide ramming courses if need be.

Soulless One was not Grevious's flagship, neither was Slave IV (Slave IV does not exist for another 40 years). Grevious's flagship was 'The Invisible Hand'.

[Night_stalker]

Third rule of FF: do NOT just use the mvoies for reference info regarding ANYTHING. If need be check out Wookiepedia and Database Alpha for reference info.

[shesgonnablow]

First rule of fan-fiction; Be familiar with the source material.
Second Rule of Fan-Fiction: BE FAMILIAR WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL.

Grevious was dead before the Empire came about

Grevious could take on full Jedi Masters and win. A Klingon with a knife is not a threat to him. (Grevious was capable of hitting a target with his 4 lightsabers a total of 20 times a second).

Klingon Captains do not abandon ship. They order suicide ramming courses if need be.

Soulless One was not Grevious's flagship, neither was Slave IV (Slave IV does not exist for another 40 years). Grevious's flagship was 'The Invisible Hand'.

Oh, oops. Slave IV was a typo. REplace soulless one with The Stalwart, replace Grievous with Thrawn, and replace knifing him with the klingon ships ramming into it suicidally and destroying, declaring it in the name of the FEderation as they go in. Any other continuity issues would be greatly appreciated, since there's pronbably a lot.

Third rule of FF: do NOT just use the mvoies for reference info regarding ANYTHING. If need be check out Wookiepedia and Database Alpha for reference info.

Oh, funny, I did use Wookiepedia and Memory Alpha for reference info. THere's a lot of information on those sites, and it's kind of hard to sort it all out.

[Solauren]

I'm sorry, but you're entire idea is so full of holes and problems, a total rewrite would be needed to correct them.

And I'm not going to do that.

My suggestion:
#1 - Watch the Star Wars movies, in order of publication. I've included them in a list, along with the 'date' they happen. The date is realtive to the first Death Star going boom.

Star Wars (A New Hope) - Year 0
Star Wars (Empire Strikes Back) - Year 3
Star Wars (Return of the Jedi) - Year 4
Star Wars (Phantom Menace) - Year -30 (or so) (30 years prior)
Star Wars (Attack of the Clones) - Year -20 (20 years prior)
Star Wars (Revenge of the Sith) - Year -18 (18 years prior)

#2 - Watch the Star Trek (The Original Series) and Movies (1, 2, 3, 4, skip 5, 6). Watch the series in order first.

#3 - Read the following Star Wars novels, in this order:
Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising, the Last Command. (Year 5 years after Return of the Jedi, or about 9 after the first Death Star goes boom).

Then, if you still want to write a fan-fiction, you should be familiar enough with the material to come up with a good idea.

Right now, you've ignored or butchered so much stuff...

Well, you tried to make a Chocolate Cake, and somehow ended up with a burnt rubbery Hamburger.

[Sinewmire]

Where to begin?

A Klingon ship stumbles upon the SW galaxy, due to a wormhole it creates, and gets into a fight with The Stalwart, Thrawn's ship. Naturally, they lose very badly, with only the Klingon captain being able to beam on board The Stalwart, before the Klingon ship rams the Stalwart and is destroyed.

Sounds reasonable with your alterations.

The Captain , realizing he's about to die, transmits that he is attacking in the name of "The Federation", in an attempt to get the federation in trouble. Thrawn reports this to the Empire, who try to track down the Federation to get revenge for the attack. While investigating the crimescene, they find the worm hole and travel through it, only to alert the federation of new lifeforms invading, and for them to be ready.

How would they alert them, exactly? What would the Klingons do when their ship vanished? Would they be searching the site of the Wormhole experiment, or would they be abandoning all knowledge of the wormhole?

Where would the wormhole have been made?

What would cause the Federation to become aware of an Imperial presense?

The fleet of ships quickly invades Rhaandaran, with nearly fifty ships at their disposal.

That sounds much like Stalin invading Buffalo, Oklahoma, and shaking a fist at the US government whilst shouting "Take that, you fiends!" Why Rhaandaran?

Destroying everything thrown at them, the Federation is desperate

Do you mean the Federation destroys everything thrown at them, or the Empire does?

and sends The Enterprise, with James T. Kirk and his crew, to the attack. Understanding they stand no chance in space combat,Bones, Kirk, Spock, beam aboard the largest ship, only to be greeted by a few stormtroopers.

Ok. First off, why would the transporter work through shielding and armour, even though it can be rendered inoperational by bad weather? Second off, whilst Kirk may be able to kill a half dozen stormtroopers with his swinging cod alone, a boarding action would be greeted with overwhelming force, and wookkieepedia lists the complement of an Imperial I class star destroyer as having 9700 infantry on board. Federation personnel are not soldiers. They have no body armour, their weapons are incapable of killing enemies behind packing crates or rock walls. They would lose quite quickly.

I'd recommend that the Away Team infiltrates, rather than attacks, taking advantage of the relatively unknown transporter technology. We'll just have to assume that it works, otherwise your story ends here.

Kirk kills them all with his phaser, at level 16 and ready to vaporise, and ventures further into the ship.

No.

He overhears a conversation between Darth Vader and Darth Maul, who agree that the galaxy is weak and pitiful, and warp back through the wrom hole.

Darth Maul was dead when Anakin was, what, 11? No, just no. Do you mean Vader and Darth Sidious, the Emperor?

I can comprehend that the away team might manage to slip past the odd security detail, but manage to find their way up to the bridge and overhear intimate conversations between the most important people on the ship? No.

However, Pakel joins them shortly before inter-galactic travel takes place, and they are now in the SW galax, again. When this happens, Vader very abruptly notices them, and, instead of killing them all, he exiles them all to a wasteland where they are sure to die.

Ah, of course, as he has done many times before, with Obi-wan and the crew of the Tantive IV etc. NO. Darth Vader routinely kills people on his side for failure. He memorably choked a man using the Force just to prove a point. If you want them to survive have them stow away on board a shuttle or something. It's unlikely but it doesn't rely on characters reacting differently to how they would normally.

Years pass, the quadruplet barely surviving, and a bounty hunter by the name of Thoian Milltall finds them, with the intentions of killing Kirk for money. In the end though, they outnumber him, although Kirk does get injured, and the fight ends with Spock nerve pinching him. They hijack his ship, with intentions of traveling back to their home world. On the way there, they intercept the Starship Z-1045, which shoots them down easily.

Ok. I suppose they could access SW weaponry which would give them a small chance. Thoian Milltall must be a rubbish bounty hunter, but theoretically they must exist.

How do they know how to pilot his ship? If, on their exile, they had learned how to pilot Star Wars ships, why would they not have escaped on such ships?

What kind of vessel is Starship Z-1045?

Pavel accesses 3 escape shuttles, each only holding one person. Bones leaves himself behind, while the other three use the shuttle to board onto the Z-1045.

Right, the Empire would NEVER destroy shuttles or escape pods with lifesign readings, leaving an enemy ship. Oh, wait, that's exactly what they would do.

Vader is waiting for them, and uses the force to grab Spock and begin choking him. He then explains that he spared Kirk's life because he sensed the force within him, and hoped it could be used ot the advantage of the Siths.

Makes a reasonable amount of sense - Kirk could be force sensitive, explaining his awesomeness.

However, he later realized Kirk was too good, and sent Thoian to kill him.

Too good? At what? Loving exotic alien women with beehive hairdos? No, Kirk would only be dangerous if he was trained by a Jedi, of which there are a tiny number at this point. The only way of Kirk finding a Jedi would be if Vader sent him away instead of keeping him close by. Makes no sense. If Vader knew where the guys were exiled to, why send a Bounty Hunter? The point of Bounty Hunters is that they can FIND people. Why not send storm troopers?

However, he will now do it himself. He kills spock, without Spock being able to do the mind meld, and Kirk becomes enraged at him.

I assume the Mind Meld was a plot point that you forgot to mention earlier?

In an explosion of force, Kirk destroys everyone around him, including Pavel and Vader, and hightails it outta there on the Z-1045.

The UNTRAINED force sensitive Kirk uses an ability he has never used before despite huge anger? Imagine The Wrath of Khan: KHAAAAAN! *everyone dies, planet explodes, galaxy implodes etc* Sorry, doesn't work as a resolution.

He re-enters the wormhole, only to find the Enterprise destroyed along with al it's crew. Kirk returns home, everyone he knew dead, and the Earth is just as barren as the land he was exiled to.

Bummer.



So yeah, in summary, don't write about stuff you have no idea about. It shows.

Also, your plot summary is a wall of text. Break it up into sections, makes it much less painful to read.

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

Would it be too hard to put a banner atop the Fanfic forum declaring "This isn't goddamn FF.net! We have standards here!"

Although not currently too developed, I do have a main idea for a possible fanfic, and was wondering what you guys think.

Paragraphs would be nice.

Here it is:
A Klingon ship stumbles upon the SW galaxy, due to a wormhole it creates, and gets into a fight with Soulless One, Greivous's ship.

Sentences that aren't run-on sentences would be nice too. But . . . wait . . . the Klingon ship creates a wormhole?

Naturally, they lose very badly, with only the Klingon captain being able to beam on board the Slave IV, before the Klingon ship gets destroyed.

How? Star Wars ships have shields.

The Captain knifes one of Grievous's mechanical cords as Grievous kills the Captain with a lightsaber.

Okay . . . a combat cyborg capable of killing Jedi gets wounded by a Klingon with a knife . . . there went my suspension of disbelief.

Grievous, realizing he's about to die, ask who the Klingon sides with, to which he answers "The Federation", in an attempt to get the federation in trouble. Grievous reports this to the Empire,

Wow, way to fail continuity here. As others have pointed out, Grievous is dead by the formation of the Galactic Empire.

While investigating the crimescene, they find the worm hole and travel through it, only to alert the federation of new lifeforms invading, and for them to be ready.The fleet of ships quickly invades Rhaandaran, with nearly fifty ships at their disposal. Destroying everything thrown at them, the Federation is desperate and sends The Enterprise, with James T. Kirk and his crew, to the attack.

A basic grasp of English grammar would be helpful too. To an English reader, what you've written here makes it sound like the Federation has destroyed everything thrown at it. Yet, they've gotten so desperate that they're throwing Kirk and company in anyway.

Understanding they stand no chance in space combat,Bones, Kirk, Spock, beam aboard the largest ship, only to be greeted by a few stormtroopers. Kirk kills them all with his phaser, at level 16 and ready to vaporise, and ventures further into the ship. He overhears a conversation between Darth Vader and Darth Maul, who agree that the galaxy is weak and pitiful, and warp back through the wrom hole.

I need a facepalm graphic. Oh yeah . . . Darth Maul died all the way back in Episode One. Even before Grevious. Way to fail continuity again. This plotline reads like something I'd have dreamt up when I was thirteen years old.

Probably some continuity issues, i don't know enough about SW to be able to tell.

Virtually all Most of your outline is a continuity error that demonstrates that you need to do a lot more research about both franchises (and possibly about writing in general) before trying again.

[Simon_Jester]

Sentences that aren't run-on sentences would be nice too. But . . . wait . . . the Klingon ship creates a wormhole?

I could actually imagine this happening by accident. Think about some of the truly bizarre and unnatural things that happen to various incarnations of the Enterprise. A Klingon ship somehow triggering the formation of a wormhole that sucks it into another galaxy would be practically tame by comparison.

I mean really, we've got accidental time travel, multiple ways of modifying the ship's warp drive to give it improbably high speeds with or without the crew's consent, parallel-universe versions of the ship interacting with each other and creating rifts in spacetime... one thing you can say for Trek is that if you really want to do something exotic in Trek, there's probably at least one incident that played out exactly the way you envision it.

[Solauren]

Sentences that aren't run-on sentences would be nice too. But . . . wait . . . the Klingon ship creates a wormhole?

I could actually imagine this happening by accident. Think about some of the truly bizarre and unnatural things that happen to various incarnations of the Enterprise. A Klingon ship somehow triggering the formation of a wormhole that sucks it into another galaxy would be practically tame by comparison.

I mean really, we've got accidental time travel, multiple ways of modifying the ship's warp drive to give it improbably high speeds with or without the crew's consent, parallel-universe versions of the ship interacting with each other and creating rifts in spacetime... one thing you can say for Trek is that if you really want to do something exotic in Trek, there's probably at least one incident that played out exactly the way you envision it.

Hell, in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the Enterprise-nil, at Warp 1, created a Wormhole by accident, that sent them ahead of course nicely. (I seem to recall it saved them 3 days).

I can imagine a ship at Warp 9+ doing that, and getting launched to another galaxy faster then you can say 'Act of Q'.