Wilson and George(Home Improvement/Dennis the Menace)

[FaxModem1]

Chapter 1

George Wilson sat on his knees in his garden, enjoying the warm sunny day as he removed some weeds from his garden. He was a sixty five year old bald man with a large bushy mustache that was starting to pepper with gray. The trick to removing weeds ,he thought, was to make sure that no root of the roses were touched or mangled by the damned dandelions that had grown in his yard when that Mitchell boy had blown them all over his yard. Luckily, the little monster was currently at school and couldn’t do anything to ruin his garden.
“Oh Mr. Wilson!” came a shout from over the small white fence that separated his house from the Mitchells, a nice family with one very big problem. Said problem was now leaning on the fence with his blond hair covering half of his face and a wide toothy grin covering the rest. George sighed, so much for a quiet afternoon he thought as he turned to the kid.
“Yes?” Mr. Wilson grunted as he turned to dump the weed into the bag.
“Whatcha doing?” the little monster said with an innocent smile.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m removing weeds.”
“Why?”
“Because if I don’t remove these weeds, they’ll kill all my flowers and invade my entire yard.”
“Oh. Okay. Can I help?” George suddenly noticed that without warning, the child was now next to him and ready to wreak havoc.
“No no, thanks anyway. Why don’t you see if any of your friends are around.”
“They’re still at school. The only reason I’m not is because Mrs. Crabtree said I shouldn’t be on school premises.”
George knew better, but he still took the bait.”And why aren’t you allowed on school premises?”
“She said that it was ‘Because Ms. Hettich’s eyebrows burned off and that she didn’t want me near any of the other teachers until they did.”
George heard the patio door open and his wife Martha call out. “George, your brother Wilson is on the phone.”
Saved by the bell, he thought. He got up as fast as he could, but age and his gut from no longer walking the postal route for five years stopped that from being anything remarkable. Dennis came up and tried to help, pulling on his right arm.
“No Dennis, you don’t have to do-“There was a snap in his back and he stopped standing. There was a small cry of pain that escaped his lips as he felt his back making large pains.
“Mr. Wilson, what’s wrong?”
“My back; I think I stretched it.”
“Oh, I know what to do. I saw a nurse do this on TV.”
George heard the sound of Dennis running away. Thank heaven, he thought as he slowly walked toward the house to pick up the phone Going through the patio door into their kitchen, every step giving him pain as his back ached. Martha looked at him with concern.
“George, what happened to you?”
“My back” Was all he could say before sitting in a chair and taking the phone from Martha.
“Take your shirt off and I’ll get some ointment.” She said sweetly as she walked towards their hallway bathroom. George complied as he took off his shirt and then put the receiver up to his ear to listen to his brother.
“Hello Wilson. How are ya?”
“Hideho George, I heard you have a back problem? I know some berries that added together could fix that right up.”
“No Wilson, that’s quite all right. Why did you call?”
“Well, I’ve finished repairing my fence from what my friend Tim did a week ago, and was wondering if you wanted to come over for a little vacation. See what Michigan is like. After all, I haven’t seen you since you retired from the Postal Service.”
George felt the rubbing of an ointment on his back. The cool cream felt relaxing and seemed to relax him. He had always envied his brother Wilson Woodrow Wilson Jr. The favored son, the one who had been a successful doctor and traveled the world, where he had to work from sunrise to sundown delivering mail in the town they had grown up in. Wilson was always trying to improve their relations by inviting him over for one reason or another, but George has always declined. Besides, he was perfectly happy to enjoy his gardening and stamp collecting and the occasional snooze on the patio.
“That’s quite all right. I’m busy getting my garden ready for the annual Horticultural Society’s Garden Award. I have a real shot this year with my secret weapon.”
“If you say so George.”
George suddenly felt his back get even stiffer than before, he couldn’t move it at all now. “Martha, I think there’s something wrong with that ointment.”
“Don’t worry Mr. Wilson, I’m sure it’ll be fine once you wash it off. My mom says that concrete can be taken off that way.”
“CONCRETE?”, George yelled.
“Concrete? Wilson repeated, “Is now a bad time?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t find the stuff my mom uses, but the concrete on the sidewalk outside looks just like it.”
George made a decision, he knew his brother Wilson was a know-it-all and that he lived next to Tim Taylor, the most accident prone man on TV, but right now, anywhere was better than here.
“Wilson, how about tomorrow? Is that too soon?”
Wilson Wilson looked outside his window, where a smoke cloud from the Taylor noise was coming over the fence over to his yard.
“Tomorrow is fine.”

[Mayabird]

Hehehe. You know, that could've worked just as a one-shot, though since it's called Chapter 1 I take it there'll be more.

Amusing enough that I won't do my usual bitching about formatting and typographical errors, of which there are plenty. But I needed a chuckle.