Here is the ACTUAL Orange Star story

[Youngla0450]

The above picture is a image of the Orange Star. If it does not appear, go to the following link:

http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2 ... e_Star.jpg

Below is the first section of the ACTUAL Orange Star story. Please do not lock it, as more sections will be coming soon. The Orange Star is a more advanced version of the Death Star. The story is set in a universe containing both the Star Wars and Star Trek franchises:

The initial technical design of the Orange Star, originally referred to as the Secret Weapon, was created by Geonosian Industries in conjunction with the Klingon and Romulan Empires, as well the Confederacy of Independent Systems, calling for a spherical-like battle-station capable of destroying Galactic Republic forces and planets using a massive "power-laser", a turbo-laser like weapon.

In 21 BM (Before Millenium), the Confederacy began construction on their Secret Weapon, under orders from Count Dooku, the Leader of the Confederacy Council and Public Head of State. Hundreds of thousands of Geonosian workers were busy building the Weapon throughout the war. However, by 20 BM, only half of the steel frame had been completed, due to financial problems (the station cost $150 billion dollars a month to construct) and occurring sabotages or infiltrations by pirates, space rogues, vampires, and bounty hunters. Each sabotage, set back work on the station at least five months. The Confederacy and Geonosian Industries never did complete the Weapon. As the Separatists lost more battles, they continually had to move the unfinished Weapon else-where, setting back completion another two years. Construction was set back more as the Confederacy fell into bankruptcy.

In 19 BM, the Galactic Republic discovered the existence of the incomplete "Grand Weapon", through the use of secret agents, and decided to capture it for their own uses. As the Wars came to a close, a regiment of Republic troopers (the specialized 190th unit) captured a small sample of what would become the Orange Star superlaser. During the last weeks of the war, the Separatist Council debated on creative practices to prolong the war to complete the Weapon.

[Youngla0450]

The above image is of the Orange Star under construction. If it does not appear, go to the following link:

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2 ... uction.jpg

Following the death of the Separatist Council and end of the Wars in June 19 BM, the majority of their holdings were captured by the newly proclaimed Galactic Empire, formed from the remaining portions of the Republic. One of these included the unfinished battle-station.

The Emperor developed a plan for a "power star", with the assistance of the Skywalkers and Enterprise crew, both demanding a station to resist the evil Death Star, with the power to destroy AND create moons, planets, and suns, as well destroy ships. Soon, construction was renewed under Imperial supervision. The main companies that helped construct the station were Federation Fleet Systems, Skywalker Industries, Youngian Industries, and the Imperial Department of Military and Scientific Research. A man named Hendrick Jameson, a Twilight native who had helped develop the plans for the Orange Star, was appointed supervisor of the project.

To help build the super-weapon, Supervisor Jameson and the manufacturing companies, with the support of the Empire, recruited hundreds of thousands of Wookiees, Star Trek Humans and Klignons, Cardassians, Ferengi, and numerous thousands of other workers to build the station. They would later be stationed at Caselpayre, the last construction site, where the station's superlaser was assembled. The Empire had to raise taxes by over sixty percent and subtract trillions of dollars earmarked for the Ministry of Health and Human Services and Ministry of Interstellar Transportation to pay for the construction of the station.

However, the project nearly ended before it began. Although the technology of the Orange Star was extremely impressive, actually building it proved to be more difficult than anyone imagined. The project was dragged out over a nineteen-year period as labor union disputes along with the supply and design problems slowed the construction. Efforts were not helped by repeated—albeit usually unsuccessful—sabotage efforts, by pirates, vampires, and villains (including the Twilight Vampires, the Brotherhood of Mutants, and several Supervillians). Actual effective work on the station took less than two years, and involved resources from every corner of the Empire being funneled to complete the project.

Of particular concern was the technology required to create the massive superlaser, the very heart of the weapon. To this end, Jameson brought some of the most brilliant minds of the Universe together (including Anakin Skywalker, Montgomery Scott, and Geordi La Forge), building a proof-of-concept model at the Temporal Installation, a collection of black holes in the Star Trek dimension. This model would eventually become known as the Orange Star prototype.

The earliest reference to the term "Orange Star" was in c. 5 BM, when Imperial Advisor Arles Lesson wrote a official memorandum concerning the progress and details of the project. Once the Emperor began referring the station as "my Orange Star", the name stuck.

Even before the Orange Star became fully operational, it's detention blocks began to fill with detainees. Dangerous political and military insurgents, vampires, villains, dangerous pirate forces, and even soldiers of the Confederacy of Mythical States, as well other enemies of the Empire, were locked in the station.

[Youngla0450]

Finally, in October 0 BM, the Orange Star was complete. After the Coalition of Villains had unsucessfully attacked the station, the Emperor and Supervisor Jameson made the decision to relocate the Star. But before going underway, the Emperor decided to test the Superlaser's capablity of destorying and, more especially, creating a planet. However, the Superlaser was not completely ready. During the Coalition attack, the Superlaser had been fired at only 10% power to destory the main Villain battleship. A week had passed since that attack, but the Superlaser was only at 33% of it's present strength. No one was sure how much damage the Superlaser could inflict at this rate, or create, for that matter. It was known a shot of this percentage could exterminate life.

While the Superlaser was being prepared, the workers and beings who lived on the planet, were helped on to ships and capsules, with many of their possessions, and transported off-world to the Federation section of the Star Trek dimension.

A hour after the last worker left the planet, the Orange Star fired. This first one-third shot was a planet-killer in itself. Although it didn't physically destory Caselpayre, it did terminate all life on the surface. The atmosphere itself became a massive firestorm, burning the ozone layer of Caselpayre, and the planet's core became unstable. The tectonic plates shifted over one another, causing massive waves in the planet's oceans and extreme volcanic activity all across the surface.

One hour and fifteen minutes after the first blast, the Orange Star fired a second time. This shot further intestifed the seisimic effects, causing whole mountains and plateaus to rise and fall in a manner of seconds, and the whole surface to be covered with lava and molten rock. The oceans dried up. Caselpayre had gone from a verdant world of deep green, broken by rivers and sea, to a lifeless sphere of pure red, resembling Mars and Venus combined.

The final shot was fired one hour and nineteen minutes after the second. When the final shot hit, Caselpayre shattered into billions of small fragments, ranging from pebble to mountain-sized. The planet no longer existed as a single entity in terms of the Casel system's gravitional confulgration.The Orange Star itself recorded the impact of thousands of fragments against the station's shields, none of which caused damage even worth mentioning.

[Norade]

So Dooku, Warf, and Dracula walk into a bar.... This story is even lamer than that joke would have been. Your story is stuck in the shit zone, too unfunny to be a parody, and way to lame ans confused to be anything but. The 'Orange Star' being made of steel is piss poor science, the fact that you seem to think the Trek side has anything to add is laughable, and having shit like Vampires, and other theme destroying shit in there makes this whole thing read like shit filled puke passed through a blender.

Then I see the next part pop up as I'm writing this and suddenly this 'power star' can also create moons and is meant to have DBZ style beam struggles with the Death Star... Next you seem to think that this would bankrupt the GE and cause taxes to rise while sucking funds from other budgets when the original was done in secret using funds that were buried in a budget somewhere. Then of course you need to name drop which other universes are attacking the damned thing. We don't give a shit if it was Blade, Dracula, sparkling fags, or the fucking count from Sesame Street attacking this fucking thing. This doesn't even touch on the idiocy of storing prisoners on your unfinished battle station...

Then we get the attack of the evil 'Main Villain' come on, you honestly couldn't even give this guy a name? I mean sure the battle was over in a single line but come on...

This shit sucks balls! It's like you don't even know the basics of creative writing so I'll give them to you, as I see them, here.

1. Brainstorm a ton of ideas and possibly do some free writing on each if that appeals to your style.
2. Group them into ideas you like and ones you don't and then further sort them down to ideas you like that fit together.
3. Next, start thinking of these ideas as they related to each other and start to get a feel for how this might shape a plot.
4. At this stage make a very basic outline blocking in major events.
5. From here you should have some ideas and some might make a small theme of character bible while others do a rough draft to be self edited later.

[Youngla0450]

So Dooku, Warf, and Dracula walk into a bar.... This story is even lamer than that joke would have been. Your story is stuck in the shit zone, too unfunny to be a parody, and way to lame ans confused to be anything but. The 'Orange Star' being made of steel is piss poor science, the fact that you seem to think the Trek side has anything to add is laughable, and having shit like Vampires, and other theme destroying shit in there makes this whole thing read like shit filled puke passed through a blender.

Then I see the next part pop up as I'm writing this and suddenly this 'power star' can also create moons and is meant to have DBZ style beam struggles with the Death Star... Next you seem to think that this would bankrupt the GE and cause taxes to rise while sucking funds from other budgets when the original was done in secret using funds that were buried in a budget somewhere. Then of course you need to name drop which other universes are attacking the damned thing. We don't give a shit if it was Blade, Dracula, sparkling fags, or the fucking count from Sesame Street attacking this fucking thing. This doesn't even touch on the idiocy of storing prisoners on your unfinished battle station...

This shit sucks balls! It's like you don't even know the basics of creative writing so I'll give them to you, as I see them, here.

1. Brainstorm a ton of ideas and possibly do some free writing on each if that appeals to your style.
2. Group them into ideas you like and ones you don't and then further sort them down to ideas you like that fit together.
3. Next, start thinking of these ideas as they related to each other and start to get a feel for how this might shape a plot.
4. At this stage make a very basic outline blocking in major events.
5. From here you should have some ideas and some might make a small theme of character bible while others do a rough draft to be self edited later.

You have a point. I am going to add more sections soon.

[Norade]

You have a point. I am going to add more sections soon.

More sections will only make it worse. Please, just stop now while you're not as far behind...

[Youngla0450]

Since then, the Orange Star has continued on it's primary mission. So far, the Station has destroyed more then 40,000 corrupted planets, 30,000 ships, and 2,000 suns. It has created 34,000 worlds and 140 moons. It has destroyed the Borg home-world, Byss, Dracula's Planet, and other evil and corrupted planets.

[Darth Nostril]

The stupid, it burns.

[Youngla0450]

The above image is of the Orange Star firing on the Borg homeworld. If it does not appear, go to this link:

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2 ... firing.jpg

The basic structure of the station is a sphere the size of a average moon, with a kilometer-wide trench with a length of 503 kilometers, containing the majority of the station's training centers, docking bays, supply posts, storage bays, drive thrusters, sensor arrays, and tractor beam systems along the equator. Halfway between the equator and north pole are two supplementary trenches, which hold emergency docking bays, secondary storage posts, and some emergency tractor beam systems.

The station is roughly 160 km (99 miles) in diameter. It was originally intended to be 120 km (75 miles) in diameter, but this was modified before the first stages of construction began.

The Orange Star is divided into two hemispheres, each subdivided into 12 bridge-controlled zones. Each zone is led by a zone captain. To further organize the station's immense activity, sectors for certain activities have been designated within each zone. The sectors are Command, Military and Security, Technical and Ship Service, and Civilian Service. Each sector is led by a local officer, who answers to his respectful zone captain. The northern hemisphere holds the main armament of the station, which serves as both a offensive and defensive weapon, a fearsome superlaser. This weapon has the external appearance of a bowl several kilometers wide. When activated, eight separate beams are each intiated by a crystal through the Particle accelerator tubes, amplified through rings, and conjoined to form one of eight separate beams that will focus outside the dish, focusing into a point to form a single incredibly powerful superlaser beam. The superlaser has adjustable power settings, with different levels allowing the destruction and creation of all types of moons, planets, and suns, and the destruction of all types of ships and other spacecraft. Blasts with the power to destroy all types of ships and smaller spacecraft and destroy/create all types of moons require a recharge rate of 5 minutes, 30 minutes of recharge time to destroy and create all types of planets, and 1 hour of recharge time to destroy and create all types of suns.

The Orange Star comprises eighty-four separate internal levels, stacked south to north. A level is led by a level captain. Each level is divided into 257 sub-levels, each led by a local captain. A nominal number of levels are then stacked around the surface of the sphere, encompassing the inner stacked levels and sub-levels. Levels closest to the surface are oriented towards the Orange Star core, with inner levels oriented towards the South Pole.

Facilities include parks, spas, shops, holodecks, barracks, restaurants and liquor bars, and other amenities for the Human/Alien crew, as well as numerous maintenance necessities such as trash compactors, like Garbage Compactor 3263827, or air conditioning vents, such as Vent 18728. The entire hull of the planetoid is covered in quadanium steel, painted with nearly impenetrable dark orange. This steel alone is strong enough to resist phasers, quantum torpedoes, photon torpedoes, and proton torpedoes.

The station also bears two sub-light engines in the core, which allow regular space travel, as well a formidable hyper-drive system. Driven by 986 gigantic individual generators tied to one navigational matrix, the Class 0 hyper-drive is more then fast enough to allow the Orange Star to travel from Earth to Coruscant (a distance of over 100 dimensions, each dimension at least 130,000 light years wide) in only twenty minutes. It can cross whole galaxies in only two minutes. The incredible power harnessed by the station, as well it's great size, grants the Orange Star a series of magnetic and artificial gravitational fields similar to those of Jupiter's. All engineers working near the highly radioactive engines are forced to wear radiation suits in order to keep harmful exposure to a minimum.

Near the northern pole, a hundred meter tower was constructed and is shielded to near impenetrability for the Emperor to use as personal quarters while on board. Operational command of the space station takes place from the over-bridge, which includes the conference room.

At any given time, around 1.4 billion personnel and passengers (excluding visitors, androids, and children) are on the station.

[Razor One]

STOP ADDING STUFF.

What you need is to attack this with a knife. Preferably a machete.

What you need is to CUT things. What is unnecessary? What can you afford to drop?

Why does the ST universe need to make an appearance? Why do vampires need to show up?

How can a destructive laser that blows up planets CREATE planets AND SUNS?!

You are mashing up about three of four universes from what I can tell and IT'S NOT WORKING.

Rule of thumb with crossovers: The less crossing over you do, the better.

A crossover of X and Y? Could be good.

A crossover of X, Y and Z? Ehhh, give it a few pages.

A crossover of X, Y, Z, and A through F? NO. DO NOT WANT.

Stop writing and start reviewing your work with a critical eye. You have nothing more than a contrived series of vaguely historical events circulating around a Death Star knockoff.

If this is an attempt at parody, it's a BAD one. Just stop. Please. Stop.

[Mayabird]

This is the stupidest excuse of a fanfic synopsis (which wasn't borderline illiterate) that I have ever read. Suffice to say, that's saying a lot. This is barely even a story. It's like the fluff one would find at the end of a story or side information provided by the author, except wanked out so much that it hits new levels of completely retarded (with no offense to actual retarded people, since they can write better stories).

Do you have any actual plot or dialogue or any of that stuff written, or are we going to get even more pages of horseshit statistics (with no offense to horseshit, as is it useful as a fertilizer)?

[Youngla0450]

The Orange Star can be compared to both of the Death Stars of the real-life Star Wars saga. Like the Death Stars, the Orange Star is a battle-station, space-station, and super-weapon. It looks exactly the same like the Death Stars, but has a orange color, repersenting good, and not evil. The weaknesses of the Death Stars' superlaser, defenses, etc. have been addressed considerably in the Orange Star.

The Orange Star's hyper-drive is at least three times as fast as that of Star Wars' Millenium Falcon. It's Class 0 hyperdrive allows a travel of over several trillion light years in less then one hour, while the Death Star would take days to cross that distance. The superlaser only requires 5 minute recharge time to destroy/create moons and destroy ships, compared to at least one hour to the First Death Star. It would take only thirty minutes of recharge time to destroy/create planets, compared to the 24 hours required by the First Death Star, and the ninety minutes required by the Second Death Star. The Orange Star's superlaser can also destroy/create suns, a ability neither Death Star has.

The Orange Star's defenses are fast, powerful, and numerous in number, with backup systems and automated controls. The defenses of the Death Star are slow, not that powerful, and are moderate in number. They have few automated controls and now backup systems. Also, unlike the Death Star, which has an unshielded thermal exhaust port that is weak against proton torpedoes, photon torpedoes, and quantum torpedoes, as well other phsyical objects, the Orange Star's port is particle and ray shielded, with hundreds of powerful and fast defense guns, as well security locks and emergency sealing systems.

[Youngla0450]

This is the stupidest excuse of a fanfic synopsis (which wasn't borderline illiterate) that I have ever read. Suffice to say, that's saying a lot. This is barely even a story. It's like the fluff one would find at the end of a story or side information provided by the author, except wanked out so much that it hits new levels of completely retarded (with no offense to actual retarded people, since they can write better stories).

Do you have any actual plot or dialogue or any of that stuff written, or are we going to get even more pages of horseshit statistics (with no offense to horseshit, as is it useful as a fertilizer)?

To answer your question my dear, I have written much better stories then this one. My father is a really good writer, himself. Come to think of it, I have written at least 15-20 works so far, in history, alternate history, science fiction, fantasy..

[The Vortex Empire]

STOP NOW. PLEASE. This isn't even a story, it's bunch of meaningless, poorly written statistics. It's just a wanked out technical summary.

[Mayabird]

I don't give a fuck what your father supposedly writes. Just having a father who can write doesn't mean his degenerate spawn are capable of it (Brian Herbert, looking at you).

Several trillion light years per hour. Are you fucking shitting me? The entire universe is estimated to be around 120 billion light years across. I don't even want to touch the rest. The tl;dr version of this is just "WANKWANKWANKWANKWANKWANK."

[Youngla0450]

STOP NOW. PLEASE. This isn't even a story, it's bunch of meaningless, poorly written statistics. It's just a wanked out technical summary.

Then where can I post this story?

More here:

The Imperial Department of Scientific and Military Research is a government department and state-owned corporation of the Galactic Empire responsible for researching the uses of and developing new super-weapons, technologies, battle-stations, and warships for use by the Imperial Army and Navy.

The Department supervised and coordinated the construction of the Orange Star with Federation Fleet Systems, Skywalker Industries, and Youngian Industries. The Department itself produced the steel and quadanium plating, painting, weapons and defenses, superlaser, and barracks of the station.

[The Vortex Empire]

To answer your question my dear, I have written much better stories then this one. My father is a really good writer, himself. Come to think of it, I have written at least 15-20 works so far, in history, alternate history, science fiction, fantasy..

1) This isn't even a story. It has no plot, no dialogue, and nothing interesting.
2) Then post one of these better stories. I don't think they'll be any better than this piece of crap.

[Razor One]

STOP. WRITING.

Okay, in case you didn't read that last bit.

STOP. WRITING.

You need to read good fiction before you can write. Stop writing and start reading. If you read nothing else in this thread, read this post at the very least and TAKE THE ADVICE. You need to learn the BASICS of writing a story before you start posting this crap up.

Again, for emphasis.

STOP. WRITING.

To answer your question my dear, I have written much better stories then this one. My father is a really good writer, himself. Come to think of it, I have written at least 15-20 works so far, in history, alternate history, science fiction, fantasy..

Prove it. Post the stories that are "Much better". A sample of one even.

Writing capability is not hereditary. Your father could be the duchess of York for all anyone here cares. It matters not a whit.

[Crazedwraith]

.... None of those pictures are in anyway orange.


I.. am... very disappointed!!!

[Norade]

Maya, for the love of all that is decent please lock this think and have it HoS'ed. It doesn't belong near the other deserving works of fiction in this forum.

[Youngla0450]

I don't give a fuck what your father supposedly writes. Just having a father who can write doesn't mean his degenerate spawn are capable of it (Brian Herbert, looking at you).

Several trillion light years per hour. Are you fucking shitting me? The entire universe is estimated to be around 120 billion light years across. I don't even want to touch the rest. The tl;dr version of this is just "WANKWANKWANKWANKWANKWANK."

My dear, my story, in my opinion, is rather good. Anyways, it is not wank. If it was, I would be having a lot of curse words, just like most of you at this site. I wrote it in a detailed and clear manner.

And anyways, let this thread remain open. Or for god sakes, move it somehwere. I can put in a thread in which it should have no problems..

[Razor One]

Your opinion appears to be in the extreme minority.

Listen to what your readers think, or continue to serve the same steaming piles of shit that you are now.

I'm done with you. You are beyond help. You cannot absorb constructive criticism. You are not human.

[The Vortex Empire]

My dear, my story, in my opinion, is rather good.

HAHAHA!

Anyways, it is not wank. If it was, I would be having a lot of curse words, just like most of you at this site.

Do you even know what wank is?

I wrote it in a detailed and clear manner.

This is not how you write a story. This is how you write a technical summary.

And anyways, let this thread remain open. Or for god sakes, move it somehwere. I can put in a thread in which it should have no problems..

I think testing would be appropriate.

[Youngla0450]

More Storah (just like Cartman from South Park would say):

Federation Fleet Systems is a corporation owned by the United Federation of Planets Starfleet, one of the largest companies in the Universe. Federation Fleet Systems specializes in the construction or development of star-ship components, hyperspace and warp technology, security technology, holodeck technology, and computer technology. It was one of four companies (the others being the Imperial Department of Scientific and Military Research, Skywalker Industries, and Youngian Industries) that constructed the Orange Star. Components of the Orange Star built specifically by Fleet Systems include the station's hypermatter reactor, computer systems, emergency life modules, security systems, and holodecks.

[Norade]

I don't give a fuck what your father supposedly writes. Just having a father who can write doesn't mean his degenerate spawn are capable of it (Brian Herbert, looking at you).

Several trillion light years per hour. Are you fucking shitting me? The entire universe is estimated to be around 120 billion light years across. I don't even want to touch the rest. The tl;dr version of this is just "WANKWANKWANKWANKWANKWANK."

My dear, my story, in my opinion, is rather good. Anyways, it is not wank. If it was, I would be having a lot of curse words, just like most of you at this site. I wrote it in a detailed and clear manner.

And anyways, let this thread remain open. Or for god sakes, move it somehwere. I can put in a thread in which it should have no problems..

You story, in the opinion of every other person on this board is the very definition of wank. It has no details, no action, and the stats that your typing with one hand aren't even fitting for the universes you're using. It's only clear because it's easy to see through nothing.

As for moving this, HoS might get the comments to die down, but at this stage I'd be hoping for parting shots.