StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Right, I am fairly new at writing and have decided to gain some experience at it. So I have started work on this little project in the hope of getting pointers on how to improve my writing skills. I do have a vague plan for this piece of fiction, but the main point of it is as an exercise. Thanks in advance for any criticism put forward.


Chapter One

In Orbit Around Crucible
Medusa Cascade

It was over.

Davros' plan had clearly failed. The rest of the universe had not been laid to waste by the reality bomb. The Daleks were still but one race in the vastness of the universe. Another failure to add to his list. Instead, the Dalek fleet was quickly being destroyed. Perhaps Dalek Caan had betrayed them. Even more likely was the idea that the Doctor had caused this. How it had been caused was irrelevant to the commander to Dalek flotilla 2, only that it was happening and that it needed to escape.

It was not natural for Daleks to act too independently from their orders. Normally, they only followed their expected duties and do not waste their time with unrelated tasks unless they thought it would help the general aims of the Daleks. But the black skinned Dalek in command of this ship group did not have trust for either Davros or Caan. It still obeyed them, but had therefore set up contingency measures in case of their predicted failure. So, when both the Crucible and the fleet had started to explode, these were put into action. The ships in the flotilla cut off their electronic links with the rest of the fleet. Simultaneously, they powered up their time drives and prepared for a coordinated emergency time jump.

Within the ship in command of the flotilla, the black skinned Dalek was giving out orders to the gold coloured Daleks around it. They had barely moments to spare when one of the lower Daleks turned to the commander.

“Time drive fully charged”.

The Dalek commander promptly sent a single message to the ships under its command; “Initiate emergency time jump”.

The six Dalek ships that were under the commander's control and still functioning vanished through rips in space time, rips that went unnoticed in the fiery inferno that marked the end of Davro's short lived Dalek empire.

******

Unknown Space
Alpha/Gamma Quadrant Border Region
2270 AD

Around a primitive world, the Dalek ships had reformed themselves. Many of the ships had been damaged by the jump. Two of the ships had not made it. Yet the Daleks had survived this latest attempt by the Doctor to exterminate them. That was the priority in terms of information. Now that they had ascertained their own status and had started on repairs on their ships, there was the small matter of figuring out where they were. The jump had not gone as stably as expected, though they had managed to arrive in the same location. This was quite good for a moderately unstable emergency jump, even considering the preparations made beforehand. Everything seemed to be in order and the mind of the Dalek commander was more focused on fixing his ships as he asked for their location. That changed when he heard the response.

“Preliminary data indicates we are no longer in our own universe”.

The Dalek commander turned its attention immediately to the Dalek in charge of managing ship sensors on the bridge. He was interested in this information, to the degree that a Dalek could be interested in anything other than the conquest of all other life. “Further scans must be conducted and the data on our time jump must be analysed. What is the the state of the system we are located in and the nearby space?”

“The local system is inhabited by primitives, as are the nearby systems. There are signs that indicate some of the species in this area of space have limited warp based propulsion systems. However, there are no signs that they pose a threat. However, I recommend that probes be sent out to gain more information” replied the sensor Dalek.

The Daleks on the bridge were quiet as they waited in anticipation for further instructions from their commander, their eyestalks pointing straight at their commander. The Dalek commander had started calculating their next move since they had arrived in this universe. To a Dalek mind, as cunning and malevolent as it is, the next move was obvious once all the information was gathered. “Move the flotilla into orbit around the third planet. All ships are to begin landing operations. Damaged ships will land and begin repairs in the surface of the planet. This planet will be taken for the purposes of establishing a base in this universe. We will expand from here to the nearby systems. Then, once we have established sufficient forces, we will conquer all other races”.

******

On the surface of that world, a world now orbited by Daleks, primitives were stirring from their slumber. The sentient race on this planet was a reptilian one and was in a tribal state. So it was with these primitives conducting the savageries of an uncivilized life, with such wonders as blood sacrifices, that the Daleks came to this world. For the Daleks, the self proclaimed master race, these primitives were irrelevant. Taking it was just one extremely minor part in achieving the main goal of the the Daleks: the conquest of everyone else.

For those primitives, the day would be remembered as the day they became servants of the Daleks. Unlike the Daleks, they would never forget this day.

Hmmm...

First thing that comes to mind is the shortness of the piece. I write short chapters, too, and know better than most just how badly this kind of thing disrupts the flow of the narrative.

Also, you make many short sentences and pick some awkward terms to convey your message. Makes reading the piece more of a chore than it ought to be.

Yes, I did say that this piece was but a practise exercise. I must admit that I have not really put much effort into planning the structure of this. In general though, thanks for the advice. Also, could you give a particular example of where I use awkward terms? That is something I will need if I am to correct the problem.

USS Ardent
In orbit around Tartis 4
Tartis System
2374 AD

There were many things in orbit above the world of Tartis 4. There were satellites, small space stations and occasionally a cargo transport would enter or exit the system, joining those ships that were already there. Compared to Earth or most member worlds, it not that amazing, but for a colony, it was quite impressive and made its citizens proud of the efforts they had made into creating what they had from the limited resources they had started with on the planet.

Admittedly though, all of the space facilities in the system looked insignificant in scale when compared to the group of federation ships in the system. That group was the 82th Destroyer Squadron, comprised of five Centaur Class destroyers and a single Sovereign Class battlecruiser as the leading ship of the group. This squadron of warships had been moved to this rear area colony to allow the ships and their crews to recover from their battles with the Dominion. Here, the crews of these ships could morn for those they had lost in this titanic conflict, one that had only lasted months and yet had resulted in millions of deaths.

Many of the crews had lost friends, especially on the USS Ardent, the Sovereign Class ship in the centre of the formation. In their last battle with the dominion, they had suffered a serious hull breech that had lost them over a hundred men and hundreds more had suffered physical would in that battle to ad to the emotional ones they had. Their ships may have been repaired but the survivors from the original crew that the Ardent had started war had become weary of the bloodshed. They understood why the war had to be fought and were willing to do their duty. Unfortunately for the crew, this was only a way of living with the pain, not a way of getting rid of it. Some members of the crews had even had to be removed along with the injured due to shock.

The commander of the squadron, Commodore Nathan Summerfield, was the the bridge managing the repair efforts and the restocking of his ships with vital supplies. He personally found that directing the efforts had become more than a duty and actually found his efforts to be a more preferable task to other things he could do. So he spent almost all his time on these efforts and everyone, including Captain Edward Scott, were content to let him do this. It seemed to be beneficial to the commander's state of mind and they were far enough from the frontlines for such to be allowable. So it was with a manner of indifference more befitting peacetime that Edward handed over the daily reports to the commander, a fact noted by Nathan. However, he was too tired to probe into that and so he put that matter aside and instead gave his usual response to the reports.

“Thanks Captain Scott. I'll look over them later”.

“Commodore, all repairs are nearly finished. Preparations for departure will be finished within two days ”

Nathan merely nodded at that. He had served with Edward for a long time, and trusted him enough to mostly leave these efforts to him, with the exception of reading the reports given and checking up on him every now and again. “We'll be holding a combat drill before we leave the system. We have not been in action for a while and I want to make sure our new crew members are up to scratch before we're thrown back into the action”. Even as those words left his mouth, not for the first time either, he could not help but remember the times when starfleet commanders saw such drills as unnecessary. How things had changed.

“So, Edward, how's the family doing?”

“Quite well. I did tell you that our little Anna's made her first baby steps, right?”

“Really? Well, do you have any photos? I would really like to see that”

“Actually, I have a video recording. I'll send it to you later”

“Thanks”

That change of direction was enough to put the first smile on either of their faces since the conversation had begun. They had became different people since the war began. They were less naive. However, their old friendships endured and talking about developments in their home life was always interesting.

Then both of them returned to work as though they had not been interrupted, Nathan immediately returning to discussion of the upcoming drills. “Anyway, I'd like you and the other senior staff in the ready room at 1500 hours today so we can go over the exercises I want to run through”.

******

Dalek Ship
Approaching Tartis System
2374 AD

“We are approaching the target system. We will exit hyperspace in approximately 60 rels”.
A black command Dalek in the the centre of the command room looked at its own displays, with its manipulator arm attached to its control pane. It only took a second for the Dalek to absorb the data, immediately turning to a subordinate Dalek. “Prepare to initiate scan of the system”

“I obey”

The golden Dalek saucer dropped out of hyperspace in a flash of light, emerging near the only planet in the system that was in the habitable area of the system, where the heat from the star was at the right level to allow for life to develop. There, they immediately began their scan of the system and got a minor and slightly unpleasant surprise.
“Unidentified ships in system, origin unknown. There is also a settlement on the planet”.

The black Dalek promptly looked at the sensor data through its own displays. The information shown was sufficient to persuade the Dalek to continue. Turning to another of the Daleks on the bridge, it immediately ordered “Open a communication channel with the unknown ships”.

With the command issued, the Daleks turned to face the viewscreen. It flashed on to the image of the bridge of the ship that was the centre of the only other armed ships in the system. Humans were apparently in command of these ships. This was something that required more information to understand, information that would be obtainable from the colony and from the inferior human ships in orbit. The Daleks were the first to speak and they decided to keep the message simple.

“Unknown humans, we are the Daleks. Identify yourselves”.

******

USS Ardent
In orbit around Tartis 4
Tartis System
2374 AD

Nathan was temporarily stunned by the appearance of the Daleks. The metallic creatures were unlike anything he had every seen before. These pepperpot shaped creatures, with their stalk eyes, did not give Nathan any idea from their appearance that there were living creatures within the Daleks travel machines. Are these Daleks sentient robots? Nathan wondered. That would be quite a discovery. Still, he regained his composure swiftly enough and managed to respond as if he had not been affected at all

"This is the USS Ardent. I am Commodore Summerfield, the commander of the 82th Destroyer Squadron. This system is a colony of the Federation of Planets. May I ask why you have travelled here?"

"Shut down your engines and prepare to be boarded”

A rather hostile greeting Nathan thought. It was enough to tell him that this was not going to be a first contact that any commander would enjoy. Well, I'd better be careful with these Daleks. We know nothing about their culture and, if they react like this to all offences, will be hard to deal with if offended. But this is Federation space …

“I'm afraid we can't comply with that. But if you are willing to talk, we can sort out whatever issues you have with our presence”. At that moment, he gave a slight, barely perceptible gesture to his tactical officer. It was a visual signal for the officer to have shields ready for immediate activation. If these Daleks were as aggressive as their talk made them out to be, Nathan had no doubt that they would fire without warning. He needed to be ready for that. Then the lights on the top of the black Dalek began to flash again as it replied with its usual grating tone, a tone that sent a shiver down Nathan's spine.

“That is irrelevant. Obey my orders, or you and your will perish. Consider these facts. Your ship is incapable of resisting us. All communication systems capable of communicating out of this system are now blocked. Therefore, the only way you can ensure the safety of your crew and that of the colony is to obey our instruction. We will give you five of your minutes to comply. Remember though that our ship is more advanced than yours. Any attempt to flee or destroy your ship will result in the immediate extermination of your crew”.

Then the transmission was cut and the viewscreen reverted back to displaying the Dalek ship that was now in front of them. Nathan knew that this species was hostile and that they probably would attack the colony and that any promises of safety could not be relied on, due to the lack of knowledge that they had on the Daleks. In his mind, he knew that they had to resist. On the other hand, he would be risking the lives of the crews on all of the ships under his command. He knew he could not risk anything but short bursts of communication with the rest of his ships, in case the Daleks really could tap into their communications. But he knew he could rely on them. So he turned to his crew. Most of those on the bridge were people who had served under him from the start of the war. So he decided to first lay out the situation to them.

“Right, you've all heard the ultimatum from these Daleks. So, we have two possible courses of action. The first option is that we surrender our ship. That way, none of us will die. We won't have to see how powerful these Daleks are. The thousands of colonist will have the best assurance of safety we can offer, given that we know nothing of the capabilities.

Unfortunately, these Daleks seem to be an aggressive species. We have no way of judging their character. We cannot reply on their word. So here's option two. We fight them and hit them with everything we have. In my opinion, this is the correct option, I know some of you here might see the reason I'm about to give as illogical....”. Here he took a look at the Vulcans on the bridge, getting a look back from them but little else. “....but this is a Federation Colony, with Federation colonists on it. It is our duty as Starfleet officers to protect these people from threats like the one we face. Regardless of the threats issued by these Daleks, we should fight to protect this planet from these Daleks and we should be prepared to do such regardless of the costs. I know that technically, I could just order you in. But I want to know if I have your full support in this before I act”.

One by one, the members of the bridge crew gave their support. Some did it through nods, others such as the Vulcans gave it through firm declarations of loyalty to their commander. The last response was from Edward. “Commodore, I'm with you all the way”. With that done, everyone returned right to their stations and Nathan gave the only order he needed to give in order to start this fight.

“Red alert. All hands to battlestations”.

******

The six Federation ships swiftly moved into action. The USS Ardent was the first to act, locking on to the Dalek ship and directing massed fire from all its weapons, including full power blasts from its phaser banks and all its torpedo launchers shooting off as many photon and quantum torpedoes as possible. The five destroyers did the same, their Captains having served and fought enough to have lost the typical nativity of most Federation officers. They had begun to prepare for immediate combat the instance that the Daleks had finished issuing their threats.

It was an incredible sight. Beams of phaser fire streamed out from the collected Federation ships, forming an immense light display that was visible to all the civilian ships in orbit. The amount of torpedoes being thrown at the Dalek saucer by the Federation squadron was incredible and the explosions from the wave of torpedoes detonating immense, serving to temporarily block the Dalek ship out from view. In that brief moment, with the area where the Dalek ship was covered by the explosions of multiple torpedoes, the crews of the ships had thought that the Dalek ship was surely destroyed, that nothing could survive what they had thrown at it.

But then the fire of the Federation ships slackened and they could see that they had done no damage to the Dalek ship. It's shields were holding, with their fire apparently doing nothing but creating flashes on those shields. Now it was the turn of the Daleks to return fire and they had much more success in causing damage. The missiles fired back at the Federation ships were not missing and were taking out their shields with single hit that emanated massive flashes of energy and light. The Ardent was slightly more successful than its destroyer escorts, which were being taken out at a rate measurable only in seconds. It managed a few extra salvos against the ship, but then the luck of the Ardent's crew ran out. A missile from the Dalek saucer slammed into the ship, immediately taking out their shields and creating multiple breaches in the hull of the ship.

With that, the battle was over, less than a couple of minutes after it has begun. The Federation ships were but floating hulks now. They could not do anything now to stop the Daleks from boarding them or act against the shuttle craft being released by the main Dalek ship, each carrying a detachment of Daleks. Given the poor armament of the colonists, they would stand no chance against this force.

On the ruined bridge of the Ardent, Nathan had only a brief moment to think about his failure and about whatever horrors those that had survived and the colonists on the planet would now be subjected to before he blacked out due to his wounds.

Interesting start. Might want to clean up this last chapter with paragraphs, and double ceck the spelling and grammar, I noticed a few missing words, for instance:

"Massed from all it's weapons" should have been "Massed FIRE from all its weapons"

Thanks. Anyway, I've gone through the chapter and have corrected all the spelling mistakes that I noticed. As for the formatting, I've become accustomed to writing in that style for my fiction pieces. The above chapter has been adjusted to make it more readable.

If that is what you are accustomed to then by all means continue, just be aware it's easier for others to read if paragraphed neatly. It will mean that the first comment someone makes wont be "paragraphs"

The only reason I've grown used to using it is due to a number of projects that I'm working, which require the previous style. Since I have done little else in terms of writing, it seems to have slipped into this. Normally, I do include paragraphs and I do find it easier to read the paragraphed version.