StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Stomp, stomp, stomp. Heavy ceramite boots trod a well worn path on the metal floor. The boots belonged to Edouorus the Black of the Black Legion but everyone on the ship called him Eddy. He was about the deeds of the day.

Deed one, rouse the rabble. Eddy stomped into a vast berth, crowded with the rising bodies of smelly insane cult followers.
"Who do you serve?" roared Eddy, he then sighed and waited.
"We serve Nurgle", "We serve Khorne", "We serve..." Various followers cried out the names of the chaos gods. Squabling started, yelling and fights broke out as the berth decided in a form of violent democracy which of the ruinous powers they served today. Eddy readied his bolter, checked it and briefly considered blowing his brains out. He dismissed the idea and raised the weapon.
BAM-BOOM, BAM-BOOM, BAM-BOOM. The shots echoed about the hold and silenced the squabbling masses.
"You serve Chaos United, whole and undivided!", Eddy wondered how long this would take. "Clean up that mess and regenerate if you have to and then get to work! And remember you served Chaos United!", his bolter was out and ready, waiting.
"I thought we supported Chaos City" came a lone taunting voice.
BAM-BOOM. Eddy left for the bridge, absentmindedly reloading fresh shells into his purring bolter.

Deed 2, Face the Guardian of the Gate.
Stomp, stomp, stomp. Eddy made his way to the bridge with a resigned air. He hated all the deeds of the day but the second was truly annoying and typically pointless.
"Halt, you shall not pass!" came the amplified voice. The voice came from another Black Armoured figure, Josiah the Black, known as Jojo. He was not in fact gaurding the massivly ornate, reinforced bulkhead to the bridge. He was instead standing inside a nearby airlock, the escape vessel it used to lead to was long gone.
About the inner door was grafiti 'Here is the ghastly portal guardian', 'Push button to defeat guardian and gain 125 XP' and a big arrow pointing to the airlock controls.
"You're supposed to be guarding this one Jojo." Eddy tried
"Thou shall not sway me from my appointed task! Face me if you wish to enter!"
"It's an airlock, we're in the warp the only thing out there is the immaterium." said Eddy, trying reason. He added to himself "As you bloody well know." His bolter snarled. One day Eddy was going to blow Jojo's brains out and be done with this moronic charade. But not today. He couldn't be bothered and besides a head wound would only make Jojo more stupid.
"This is my appointed post! Fight me...", Jojo was cut off as Eddy slapped the control sealing the inner door. The outer door opened and Jojo was blown out into the warp where he would beat off a few creatures, find a way back into the ship and return to his post.
Eddy turned and walked through the actual dread portal to the bridge. He now had 1,430,125 XP.

The beginnings of a tale of a Traitor Marine and what it means to serve Chaos. Not strictly serious.

when will you update this????

Soon, after my wifes 40th birthday/LARP, we move house, get a mortgage approval and I recover at least 1 SAN pt.

Deed 3: Consult with the Warlock.
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Eddy made his way onto the bridge navigating the unbilicals that hooked the crew into various systems, macabre fusion of flesh and machine that wimpered, gibbered and pleaded as it ran the ship. Not that most of them had anything to do. Their vessel, The Black Heart of Blackness had collided with an Ork rock early on in their voyage and over the years it had accreted various other ships and debris. Still, their pet Warlock Aggrevious the Black, or Aggy the Weirdo had some control over the course of the hulk through the warp. Or so Aggy claimed. Eddy suspected this was to prevent Aggy being forcably emplaced into the Black Heart. In the head if Eddy had any say in the matter.
"Where are we, Aggrevious?", it always paid to stoke the egos of warlocks, even if you could squeeze their heads like a pimple.
"Who?" said Aggy leading.
Eddy sighed "Where are we, Aggrevious the Black"
Aggy looked satisifed, "Thankyou, well, the bad news is that we've missed the Black Crusade, the target area and almost the entire galaxy. Good news is we're still in the galaxy near a System of the Enemy. It has one planet, named Awshit."
"Awshit? Never heard of it."
"Named after the Imperium's rediscovery of the planet some 2000 years ago. Take one profane trader, a large amount of dung, a misplaced boot and an overly literal scribe. Name change to the originally intended Prosperia III still in the works."
"Noted export. Guard rations. Agri-world then?" Asked Eddy.
"Not really. But there is a native fungus that is particuarly edible, filling and long lasting if not actually tasty."
"Any thing else?"

"Not really, three hive spires imaginitivly named Principus, Secundus and Tertius Spire, Each spire is the economic hub of it's continental mass, blah, blah, blah, regular tithes of Enemy Guard Regiments, blah, blah." Aggy contimued to list various the features of Awshit. It was like almost every other world of the Enemy. Large, heavily populated, more or less loyal and practically impossble to conquer. Worlds were just too big. Any force landing would be swamped by local defence forces that numbered easily in the tens of millions. Vital infrastructure were protected by massive shields powered by reactors, thermal bores and other means simply unavailiable to anything as tiny as a capital ship.
And anything non-vital could be repaired, replaced and resettled. And this was just one world, a backwater of an uncounted number of worlds. Eddy and his fellow legionaires could fight forever and never conquer it.
Which was pretty much the entire point. Chaos didn't really want to win and defeat the Enemy. What would they do next?
But there was always a way. It often lay in the way the Enemy cared and loved for each of it's subjects.