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Well it's been a very long time since I was last here, to long in fact, so I thought I would treat you all to a SW/? Xover that I am working on, for those here who know from the old days of Alt.Star Trek vs Star Wars I hope you will enjoy this little story I'm working on.

So on with the show.

The Ledgend Of The Fuck Nuts
Chapter 1
LT.Hit-Man Has A Bad Day

Voltrick NaFell was kneeling before the Emperor and he knew he was in some deep shit for having failled to assassate Mon Mothma, there was adeathly since in the throne room as Emperor Palpatine looked down at his left hand of death with a displeased look, " Why did you fail to carry out my will? " he said with a cruel and evil tone of voice as he glared at LT.Hit-Man.

" There is no exscuse for my failure my Master. " Voltrick said as recalled the furoius battle as he was fighting the rebel scum on ElBodyo XXIV where they had been hiding out, sure he would have termnaily boot fucked the rebel bitch in question if it had not been for one Jedi wanabe that had dared to fight him as he had Mon Mothma conered in a broom closet, giving the rebel leader the chance to espace but on the other hand he had manged to give the Jedi wannabe some perment birth contorl with his lightsbaer before he manged to get away from him.

" It is unsual for you to fail my servent. " he heard the Emperor say with a clearly displeased tone of voice and he knew of bitter past experance that a displeased Empror was a sure fire ticket to the after life if lucky reguardless of one's prevouse sucusses in his name, Empror Palpatine was about to flash fry LT.Hit-Man when he got a truely evil idea, so much so he could not help but to laugh evily which did not do all that much for Voltrick's peace of mind.

" You are here by demoated to privet, you will be asigned to the ISD Fuck Nuts untill such time as you have proven yourself worthy to serve me as my Left Hand Of Death. " Voltrick heard the Emepror say to him with a gleefuly cruel and evil tone of voice which confused the hell out of him since he was sure that he was going to be killed for failing in such an imporent mission, or at the very lest be tortured to within a nanometer of his life.

Wisely he said nothing so as not to cheange his master's mind and waited for the Emperor to speak, " You are not to kill any of the Fuck Nut's command staff and your officer/trooper caulty quota has been reduced to to five a month. " Emepror Palpatine said as he could sense LT.Hit-Man's aprehencsive confusion which warmed his black and twisted heart.

Voltrick felt his stomach do a few flip flops as he was trying and failing to understand what kind of punishment this was, after all to a hightly trained and leath Sith Lord as himself it seemed like he was gettting a sweet heart deal from the Emepror, he looked up at his Grand Benveolence as saw that the Emepror was holding out a data pad, he took it and looked at it with a puzzled look as he saw that all that was on the pad were a set of hyperspace cordnets.

Before he could ask his master any question the Emepror dismissed him with a casual wave of his right hand, Voltrick got to his feet, took three steps back from the Emperor, turn and left the throne room with an unfamilure feeling of fearful dreading as he heard the Emepror's evil and damning laughter in his wake.

The Ledgend Of The Fuck Nuts
Chapter 2
Aprehenction

As his personal attack ship The Fearmister was travling through hyperspace Voltrick was beging to feel a little uptight about his new posting as well as his demotion, he sat down in his ship's medatation chamber and slowly shut down his higher brain fuction as he merged his mind with The Dark Side and dispite his many long hours in medatation and his fervent pleadings to The Dark Side as to what his new posting entailed for him The Dark Side seemed to take a very perverce delight in his mental anguish by giving him no clues as to what his fate was to be in this new posting.

Voltrick left the medatation chamber in a slightly out kink frame of mind and he opened up one of his stormtrooper belt compartments and pulled out a huge joint of Wookie Weed, the emepror knew he smoked Wookie Weed and said nothing about one way of the other for which he was thankful for because the weed help to keep him calm and relaxed when he was not on a mission to hunt down and eradacate the enemies of the Empire because if he did not smoke up he would go off the deep end and go on an orgasmic blood bath of a rampage, slaugtering everyone and everything in his path.

" Ahh much better! " Voltrick thought to himself as he took a power toke from the joint as he lit it with the plasma lighter built into the tip of the middle finger of his cybernetic right hand as he got the unwelcomed feeling that he was going to need as much of his weed as he could get his hands on which did not do much of his over all mental well being.

After a time of relaxing and eating Voltrick felt the Fearmister drop out of hyperspace and made his way to the cockpit of his ship, " What the fuck? " Voltrick thought to himself as he could see a ship on thery edge of his senseor's range and he began to pilot The Fearmister towards it, " This is Trooper VX-101 to unknown ship, identfying yourself. " he said into his ship's com unit as he felt his stomach do some flip flops as he continued towards the ship.
" Who the fuck is this? " a slightly slured voice said to him and for a moment he was shocked at the flagrent disrespect in the voice, " This is Trooper VX-101 who in the bloody Sith am I talking to!? " he snarled into the com unit as he draw closer to the unknown ship and he saw that the ship in question was an Impertor II in shape and that is were the simaluterties between this ship and the normal Imperial Impetor II class Star Destroyers ended as he saw that the ship was a patch work of metal plates that were covered in so much lurid graffti that it looked like something that had been salvaged from the lowest levels of Corascant.

" Who did you say you were again? " the slured tone of voice said but before he could answer back Voltrick hear the sound of someone violetly throwing up and all he could do was sit there in stuned slince, " Hey Man who the hell are
you? " a new voice said over the comm unit and from the sound of the voice Voltrick got the feeling he was dealing with a sub grade idoit, " This is Trooper VX-101, I demaned to know who in the Sith you are and I want to speak to the scum sucking asshole in charge of this sorry excuse for an ISD! " Voltrick sarled as he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

" Chill the fuck out Dude!, this is the ISD*PUFF PUFF, HACK!, HACK!, WHEEZE!* Fuck Nuts and the Admerial is busy so who are you and did you bring any Ewok on a stick with you? " Voltrick hear the person on the other end of the comm line say with a clearly fried tone of voice and he could swear he could hear the Emepror laugh his ass off at him.

Probably should be in fan-fiction.

CaptainChewbacca wrote:Probably should be in fan-fiction.

OH shit!
Lol goes to show how long it's been since I have been here, sorry is there any way for me to delete or move this post?

...Also, I think the spelling needs work. Quite a bit of work.

Moved to user fiction.

Thanks Vympel, my bad.

I generally stop reading when I notice that the author used a one-word chapter title and MISSPELLED IT.

Not bad Hit-Man but I think its missing some of the charm and black humor your older works on ASVS had.

Sarevok wrote:Not bad Hit-Man but I think its missing some of the charm and black humor your older works on ASVS had.

Don't worry there will be some of that old black magic in this story, just trying to get my grove back so to speak.

Ah ok. Not an ASVSer myself but was an avid reader of the archived stories on Daltons site when I found this forum in 2002. The type and style of stories found there now seem to be relics of a bygone era of the internet. Where have you been all these time by the way ?

Sarevok wrote:Ah ok. Not an ASVSer myself but was an avid reader of the archived stories on Daltons site when I found this forum in 2002. The type and style of stories found there now seem to be relics of a bygone era of the internet. Where have you been all these time by the way ?

I hear you on that I can bearly remember my days on ASVS, yep those were the days indeed.
So how do you enjoy SD Net, as for where I have been just been living life as best as I can, I seem to be having a hard time getting myself back into my LT.Hit-Man frame of mind.

So how is life treating you?
Well I hope.

whoa my comp goes to shit for a week and our personal daemon prince shows up

most cool, now get some sound going...

oh, and for having fun in another story I'm working on, b3-4r is a medic/cook droid with the worst bedside manner...

The Yosemite Bear wrote:whoa my comp goes to shit for a week and our personal daemon prince shows up

most cool, now get some sound going...

LOL sorry I have not been around all that much, my old comp gave up the ghost, so it seems I'll have to redo this story.
Good to see you.

The Yosemite Bear wrote:oh, and for having fun in another story I'm working on, b3-4r is a medic/cook droid with the worst bedside manner...

LOL sounds good, sort of like Rusty from my old stories.
I look forward to it.

I was just saying feel free to use the character, and besides, when it comes to first aid I do have the worst beside manner in reality. (screams like someone's being tortured), now I told you to hold still, how do you expect to avoid infection if you don't let me clean abraid and disinfect this wound, now remember I will have to change this dressing every eight hours to check for signs of infection. (an actual quite to the guy who wiped out on a dirt bike and landed on a cactus. Funny some folks don't seem to under stand that when you have cactus torns in your arse, someone still needs to remove them and then treat the puncture wounds)

The Yosemite Bear wrote:I was just saying feel free to use the character, and besides, when it comes to first aid I do have the worst beside manner in reality. (screams like someone's being tortured), now I told you to hold still, how do you expect to avoid infection if you don't let me clean abraid and disinfect this wound, now remember I will have to change this dressing every eight hours to check for signs of infection. (an actual quite to the guy who wiped out on a dirt bike and landed on a cactus. Funny some folks don't seem to under stand that when you have cactus torns in your arse, someone still needs to remove them and then treat the puncture wounds)

Nasty, real nasty, Rusty was the SW med droid in some of my old ASVS/LT.Hit-Man stories.
But ya I get the idea.