StarDestroyer.Net BBS

To make a change, I've decided to make a throwback to all the fun, cheesy serials of the thirties and fifties we all know and love...

**

Welcome, reader, to the far-off future of 2002! This is a time when all the nations of the world have collaborated together to reach out into the solar system, to cross the thousands of miles separating the planets! Fleets of atomic-powered rocketships, fuelled by raw calcium and protected from lethal space air, stand ready to reach out into the unknown and experience adventures more fantastic and incredible than any before told! Horrific perils and marvellous bounty await those who have the bravery to take on the solar zephyrs!

And the bravest of these explorers is Captain Michael Amadeus Pulsar, who, raygun in one hand and beautiful woman in the other, spits in the face of the countless dangers of the solar system in his quest to claim the planets in the name of Earth! Now, you too will bear witness to his marvellous exploits from the moon to the jungles of the rings of Saturn! Only the staunchest of readers will be able to stomach the constant thrills that now follow!

**

High above the Earth’s surface, glinting in the light of the sun, the mighty molten ball around which all planets revolved, the World Space Force scout rocketship WSFS Jefferson basked in the awe-inspiring sight of the moon, orbiting hundreds of miles above Earth. Precious little was known about that glittering silver sphere of rock, as few had managed to penetrate the thickness of its atmosphere. Nobody but the bravest, foolhardy, or most skilled of pilots would even consider a landing on its mysterious rocky surface.

Within the cockpit of the Jefferson, Space Commander Maxwell observed the highly advanced dials and compasses on the dashboard before him indicate the increasing effect of the moon’s gravitational pull. Hopefully, he thought, the calcium-powered engines of this rocketship would be able to rebuff it if the malicious grip grew too strong.

“It’s incredible!” his lieutenant, Sterling, looked through the large windows of the vessel. “Why, looking up at her in the sky as a kid, I never imagined I would see her this close!”

“We’ll be seeing her closer if we can get through her cursed atmosphere.” Sighed Maxwell. “Our scientists say that perhaps a shield of solid argon might suffice to pierce it!”

“Perhaps…wait…”

Sterling walked over to a screen displaying oscillating patterns, a highly advanced and complex readout that only the brightest of the WSF could comprehend.

“Anabolic apple pie!” he exclaimed. “Commander, there appears to be a very strong sonar signal emitting from the moon! Specifically, in the Sea of Serenity!”

Impossible, thought Maxwell. What could possibly survive in the churning waters of the lunar seas?

“It…may be intelligent life…” he mused.

“Not necessarily…perhaps it is merely naturally occurring sonar…”

“In any case, we must investigate!” declared Maxwell. “Bring us closer to the signal!”

Roaring loudly in the ether of space, the guidance rockets of the craft brought it ever closer to the face of the moon, shaking slightly as it skimmed the upper gases of its atmosphere. Using the highly advanced telescopes and observoscopes built into its hull, Maxwell looked down at the waves and tides of the lunar seas, desperately searching for anything capable of emitting sonar. But all he could see was the intimidating inhospitality of the mountains and canyons down below.

“Drat!” he uttered. “Maybe the instruments are broken…”

“I don’t think so…deutronomic donuts! There is a sonar ray targeting us as I speak!”

“Activate the emergency thrusters! Bring us away! Hurry, before…”

His words were futile, for moments later a beam of pure sonar struck the Jefferson, shattering its hull like glass and sending its occupants flying out to suffocate in the noxious gases filling space…

**

“Why, doctor, I’ve never seen a finer construct in all my life!”

“Vait until you get inside her, mein herr! I promise you, ve schpared no expense in her constrrruction!”

With the warming Florida sun serving to further enunciate his startling features, Captain Michael Amadeus Pulsar leaned back to fully admire the glittering rocketship affixed to a gantry before him, out here in Cape Freedom, the primary base of the World Space Force. From here, he would launch out in this, the most advanced vessel at the disposal of the Space Council, to serve as the vanguard for Earth’s conquest of the solar system. WSF personnel, dressed in tight mauve jumpsuits to protect them from the possible calcium radiation emitting from the engines of the vessel, were conducting final checks to prep her for launch.

“Yes, I bet she can penetrate the sound barrier as easily as you can adjust a oscillometer, doc!” he grinned.

“Ach! Be schure not to inflate mein ego, Herr Pulsar!”

To his side, Doctor Karl Zeymer stood also in awe. Despite his unassuming stature, the sparks of genius glittering in his spectacle-covered his eyes made him just as noticeable as the tall, jet-black haired space captain standing by him in his leather uniform. Without Doctor Zeymer’s contributions to the field of atomology, most people knew, it was probable that the majestic rockets now at the disposal of Earth would not even exist.

“Well, Doc, I think we’re due to launch in ten minutes! Better get going!”

“Ja, ja, ja—schpace travel is not sometink zat can be rushed, mein brave captain! If there is but a single loose screw on ze calcium tanks, zere might be a disaster of incredible proportions!”

“Well, I hope our engineers are up to your standards, doc…”

“Captain! I’m sorry I’m late…”

Pulsar turned around to see a strikingly attractive woman in a jumpsuit even tighter than that of the engineers around him running forward, carrying various slide rules and over highly advanced scientific equipment. He recognized her as Pollyanna Polymer, his lieutenant for this mission, and judging by the stretches on her uniform, he supposed that she would serve well in keeping up morale. Regardless, he wasn’t sure just what her speciality was, but the WSF would doubtlessly have chosen only the best for this endeavour.

“Glad you could make it!” he grinned. “We’re about to set off in a…”

“Not so fast.” She said. “I have a message from General Lethbridge on the vidphone…”

“Well, put it through.” Pulsar’s usually radiant face fell as he wondered just what necessitated a communiqué from the general at this time.

Producing a small slab of plastic and metal, no doubt filled with the most advanced transistors available, Pollyanna turned a dial and the small screen taking up most of the face of the vidphone flickered into view, displaying the weathered face of General Roger Lethbridge. Pulsar saluted instinctively—the general had quite a reputation, as the one who had combated the onslaught of the radioactive tar monsters in Arizona twenty years ago.

“Sorry to interrupt your proceedings at this time, old chum,” began the general, “but we have a most grave situation!”

“Whatever could that be, general?”

“Barely an hour ago, one of our scout rockets approaching the moon was mysteriously destroyed by what we believe to be a ray of sonar!”

“Sonar!” Pulsar growled. “I think a more potentially horrific method of destruction does not exist!”

“Yes, quite. I’m afraid that your ship is the only one that can safely withstand an entry into the lunar atmosphere, hence it is your job to investigate this and make sure that whatever threat lying on the moon is vanquished before it can claim more of our ships!”

“Never fear, general! As long as freedom and hope exist, I will do whatever it takes to vanquish evil everywhere! Come on, my friends! I do believe our rocket is nearly ready!”

With that, he turned around and began heading over to the waiting rocket, with its red and silver colors and sleek fins. The name of the mighty ship was emblazoned across the hull—the Columbus. Hopefully, he thought, she would be strong enough to survive the sinister scheming of whatever sonar creatures lurked in the dark shadows of the craters and caves of the mysterious depths of the moon!

What will our brave heroes locate on the moon that is posing such an impediment to freedom-lovers everywhere? Be sure to read the next update to find out, unless you feel your heart cannot take it!

It gets the Norseman seal of approval! You've definately managed to recreate the feel of the old pulp novels.

Okay, done laughing ... no I'm not.

You know, this much Ham and Cheese isn't good for my arteries. Don't forget the Evil Moon Mastermind with the Beautiful-But-Evil Daughter.

Oh dear, here I go again ...

“5…4…3…2…1! Ignite the calcium!”

Excitement that had not been felt since Amelia Earhart had set off on her historic flight or when the first chromed rockets had pierced the heavens like majestic drills filled the air around the globe as the Columbus lifted off, pushed into the skies by the incredible force of atomic-powered calcium exhaust. Few knew of the horrific sonar threat that plagued the minds of many in the World Space Force, but all knew that the rocket and the adventurers aboard were bound to go boldly where nobody had gone before.

“Ze schystems are checking out chust fine, Herr Pulsar!” Doctor Zeyter cried out as the rocket continued upwards through the atmosphere. “In fakt, ze atomic buffers are vorkink even better zan exschpekted!”

“That’s great news, doc!” Pulsar shouted pack. “Lieutenant Polymer! How are you doing?”

“Er…just fine!” Pollyanna’s high-pitched voice came back.

“Excellent! Then let’s press on!”

Pushing down a lever, Pulsar grinned as the rocket accelerated with its engines generating force previously unthinkable to man—at this rate, he thought, perhaps they might break the impenetrable sound barrier! Finally, as clouds parted and blue sky faded away to reveal the starry void of space, with all those beautiful stars tens of thousands of miles away, he was able to deactivate the main calcium rockets and switch to the Space Thrusters.

“Vould you look at zat? Is it not ze most beautiful sight?” gazed Zeyter in awe as they approached their orbital path.

“We don’t have time to gawk, doc—we have a mission!” said Pulsar with fierce devoted determination, undoing his straps and stepping out into the main cabin, walking in the lesser space gravity. “The sonar threat must be neutralized before it can get too strong!”

“Indeed!” said the doctor. “Ve should be approaching ze moon shortly—I must make ze calculations, and hope zat I built zis sing strong enough!”

“Perhaps we should do a flyby of the moon? To observe its surface with our space cameras?” suggested Pollyanna.

“Of course not!” said Pulsar in disbelief. “We must launch ourselves into the waiting mouth of adventure, like real men! I do not think Columbus discovered America by sailing around it first to make sure that it was safe! Doc, how are the calculations coming on?”

“Gut, gut—zis is a good opportunity to try out another vun of mein inventions!”

Zeyter was tapping away at a large brick-sized device covered in buttons—an atomic powered ‘calcumeter’, capable of digesting any sort of mathematical input in minutes. Moments later, the thing whirred as it printed off various equations and computations that only a genius of the likes of Doctor Zeyter could comprehend.

“Vell, it vill be a long shot.” He sighed. “Ve must enter ze lunar atmoschphere at precisely ze right angle und velocity, or else ve will burn up like everyone else who has attempted a landing!”

“Hmm…Doc, I may have an idea…” Pulsar scratched his chin.

“Really? Und vhat vould zat be?”

“This ship is equipped with Mark-4 calcium rays, right? We could use those to help burn our way through the lunar atmosphere!”

“Ein excellent suggestion! I can see vhy zey put on you on zis mission, Herr Pulsar!” grinned Zeyter.

“We should ready those rays soon, then—we’re almost there.” Pollyanna pointed out through the viewscreen, as the imposing shape of the moon loomed up ahead. “Your revolutionary engines brought us there quicker than we anticipated, Doctor…”

“Well, at least we don’t have to dawdle!” grinned Pulsar, strapping himself back in. “Doc, get those calcium rays ready!”

“Jawohl!”

“Entering angle trigonometry…”

Carefully guiding the rocketship, with every budge of the throttle stick corresponding to a burst from its guidance rockets, Pulsar brought it skimming along the upper layers of the lunar atmosphere, while the deadly calcium rays it had been fitted with for protection charged up. Either this would be a moment of glory, he thought, or they would suffer the same fate as the scout ship that had been lost.

“How do we know whatever menace that is controlling the sonar won’t strike at us?” asked Pollyanna.

“No time to worry about that!” shouted Pulsar over the roaring sound of the lunar winds below. “Doc, activate the calcium rays!”

“At vunce!”

Rays of energized calcium shot out from the rocket, burning a path though the layers of atmosphere as Pulsar brought the ship down. The craft shook worryingly as it descended, vaporizing the thick lunar gases ahead of it that would have otherwise peeled away the chromed hull plating and exposed the passengers to the lethal atmosphere of space.

“Continued use of ze calcium rays might cause our atomic buffers to overheat!” shouted Zeyter as they plunged downwards.

“That’s a chance we’ll have to take!” shouted Pulsar as the ship continued shaking with worrying intensity. The bright glare of the rays was starting to flicker as sparks and smoke began spitting out of the engine room of the ship.

“Herr Pulsar…” the doctor said in alarm.

“Don’t…worry…just…a…few…more…seconds…now! Deactivate the rays!”

The rays were shut off as the rocketship levelled out, streaking over the mountain ranges, lakes, and petrified forests of the moon, enabling the passengers to breath a long sigh of relief. They had made it—they were the first to finally penetrate the barrier of the moon’s atmosphere! Now, who knew what awaited them?

“Ze schource of ze sonar signal came from a lake not far from here…” said Zeyter as they flew over canyons and peaks covered in lunar snow.

“I think I see it, doc…”

Pulsar slowed down the rocket as they approached the churning black waters of a lunar sea, with huge waves lapping and churning against the chalk cliffs lining the shore. As he flew the Columbus over these sinister waves, he wondered if the sonar weapon was located down there, far away from prying eyes. If so, he thought, then it would take yet more imagination and innovative thinking to locate it and destroy it before it could continue to threaten freedom and adventurers into the void.

“Herr Pulsar, I think I have movement…”

Pollyanna screamed as a huge, black, suckered tentacle suddenly rose from the depths, grabbing the rocket and wrapping itself around until it was unable to move. Zeyter tried to increase the power of the calcium rockets, but to no avail—the creature’s grip was just too strong, and it was out of the sight of the calcium rays!

“Ach, käsekuchen und rüben!” he exclaimed. “It must be some sort of…lunar kraken!”

“Don’t fear, doc!” said Zeyter through gritted teeth as he ran over to a nearby locker. “We haven’t come this far just to be defeated by a calamari dish!”

Opening the locker, he produced a sleek chrome jetpack and a finned helmet, putting it on so fast the gear seemed to almost appear onto his body. Making sure his raygun was in his holster, he ran over the airlock as the creature’s grip increased, putting incredible stress on the hull. Pressing a button, Pulsar opened both doors and ignited his jetpack, shooting out into the cold, harsh lunar air and turning to face the huge tentacle.

“Leave my beautiful ship alone, you overgrown seafood dish!” he shouted as he fired a hot beam from his raygun, searing at the tentacle—but it appeared that its leathery flesh was so thick that even that had problems with it!

“Careful!” Zeyter shouted as more tentacles emerged from the waves, lunging and lashing at Pulsar as he weaved around in the air, straining his jetpack to the limits.

“There’s only one good way to put down a charging bull—go for the head!” he snapped to himself, before taking a deep breath before shooting down into the cold waters of the lunar sea below him.

Looking around, he could make out the titanic bulk of the lunar kraken in front of him, partially obscured by the thick dark water around him. Nevertheless, he could see the glowing light of its horrific beady eyes as it began to turn towards him. Shooting forward as more tentacles lashed at him, he readied his ragyun and began firing, the flash of the beam illuminating the dark water around him.

There! He spotted a huge beak, filled with a myriad of teeth. As he shot through the water towards it, he gulped as a smaller tentacle grabbed him. With suckers closing around his body, he was brought closer towards this horrific maw—just as planned.

“Give my regards to the chef.” He smiled as he set his raygun to maximum power and fired into its mouth, instantly searing the interior of its head. Up above, the grip of the tentacle loosened, allowing the rocketship to burst forward towards freedom.

Panting for air, Pulsar headed towards the surface, knowing that the water was sure to short out his jetpack. Bursting out, he began swimming towards the shore to conserve fuel, as the fried body of the beast sank towards the depths. The rocketship had flown off, presumably looking for someplace to land—no matter, he would simply using his revolutionary communicator to find them.

Reaching the sure, he grabbed ahold of a rock, and then paused to find himself looking at a silvery metallic foot. Looking up, he found three strange beings standing there, clad in strange armor and wearing bizarre gas-mask like visages. Rotating and beeping atop their heads were miniature sonar dishes—deadly weapons indeed!

“Intruder!” one of them barked. “You have trespassed into our domain in the worst possible way! You have killed one of our holy creatures! Now, we shall bring you to our great dominator to be judged!”

Before Pulsar could react, the first creature shot out a stunning beam of sonar, causing him to fall down limp…

How will Captain Pulsar escape the grip of the sinister sonar science creatures? Stay tuned!

“Doctor! We must go back for the captain!”

“Nein! He has been captured by zose vile sonar creatures! Ve cannot risk revealing our position, or else all hope of locating ze evil sonar weapon vill be lost!”

Using the highly advanced omnicameras built into the vessel, devices so advanced they could even display in color, Doctor Zeyter was able to observe the sonar men take away Captain Pulsar from the shore of the lunar lake towards what looked like a cave entrance of some kind. He wondered briefly what sort of creatures these Sonar Men were, and why they seemed to hate men of freedom and exploration so much—perhaps they were even communists, he thought!

“Ja, it is too bad.” He sighed wistfully. “I can only imagine ze sorts of vile tortures zose sonar Bolsheviks vill inflict on him! It is likely zat zey may use ze power of sonar to break open his mind, so zat he can reveal all ze secrets of Earth’s defences!”

“But why would the captain hold all the secrets of Earth’s defences in his head alone?”

“Because ze human brain, mein frau, ist ze most advanced storage device in the universe! Ve believe zat in computer terms, it could store entire kilobytes of data!”

“But how does that…”

“Ve haff no time to talk! I vill now land ze schip, and from there we must find a way to infiltrate ze fortress of zese sonar creatures, in case Herr Pulsar cannot find a method of escape like he alvays does!”

Activating the landing thrusters of the Columbus, Zeyter guided the rocket to a landing by one of the ashen petrified forests, not far from where the sonar creatures had taken Captain Pulsar. With the ghostly trees disintegrating into ash from the force of the exhaust, there was a small dust cloud forming as they opened the ship’s doors and stepped out, carrying emergency rayguns and highly advanced scientific equipment in their satchels, from scanners using the most advanced tape known to cameras that could store untold hundreds of pictures.

“Are you sure about this, doc? Maybe we should stay in the ship?”

“And risk ze death of Herr Pulsar and certain doom for Earth? Nein! Ve must do all zat ve can!”

Using a compass, Zeyter began to step through the petrified woods, with trees crumbling to ash upon merely being brushed against. He wondered what could have caused what were no doubt once lush and fertile lunar forests to be reduced to such a state. Perhaps it was the result of insidious machinations or industrial experiments on the parts of these freedom-hating lunar monsters—or maybe even worse!

“Doc…”

“Not now, Frau Polymer, I must concentrate!”

“But doc…”

“Are you deaf, schtupid voman? I…”

“I can hear something coming…”

Zeyter turned around to see something pushing its way through the bone-white vegetation towards him. Instinctively readying his raygun, he relaxed upon seeing what appeared to be a herd of woodlouse-like creatures shuffling their way through the forest in the same direction that they were headed, making low humming sound as they went.

“What are these things, doctor?”

“Some sort of giant lunar maggots, I vould say! Perhaps used by the sonar men as cattle of some kind! It appears zat zey are kommunikating via sonar!”

“So…perhaps this means that life on the moon is sonar-based?”

“All signs appear to point to zat konklusion, frau!”

The lunar maggots shuffled past them, clicking and chirping, seemingly paying no attention to the two explorers watching in bemusement.

“You know, doc, I have an idea…”

**

“All stand in the presence of the Great Lunar Dominator!”

Pulsar tried not to let fear take a hold of him as he was taken through a network of darkened catacombs and into this vast throne room, supported by glittering columns of crystal and decorated with various statues of an individual who looked like another one of these evil sonar men, but wearing a cape and sporting an enlarged head, with a similarly enlarged sonar dish atop his head. He had a feeling that now he would be meeting this evil mastermind of the sonar race in person—perhaps he could find an opportunity to quash the sonar menace once and for all.

“So, the Earthmen finally send their emissaries of ‘freedom’ into my domain!” A deep voice boomed out. At the end of the chamber, a crystal throne span around, revealing the Lunar Dominator himself seated upon it and looking upon Pulsar with disdain. “You send your ships to intrude in our atmosphere, and now you kill our sacred creatures!”

“That is because you are impeding the cause of democracy by attacking our ships with your evil sonar weapons!” said Pulsar.

“We do so because we have been observing your world for many years! You seek to spread your vile cancer of ‘freedom’ across the stars, and I, as the great dominator of the moon, will not stand for this! That is why we seek to deter you Earthmen from gaining a foothill here in my kingdom!”

“You cannot impede freedom, vile creature!”

“Brave words, but futile! There a few among your number that I once admired, such as your Josef Stalin, but now that is over!”

“So, you sympathise with communists, eh? How low does your evil sink!”

“In any case, you have intruded into our territory. It is only right for us to retaliate! As we speak, legions of Sonar Troopers are being marshalled and my fleet is being prepared! We will use our grand sonar weapon to level your cities and sweep your pathetic armies from the face of your world! Then, you will bend the knee before the might of the Sonar Empire!”

“Hail sonar! Hail sonar!” chanted the guards lining the room.

“And what will happen to me?” asked Pulsar.

“A mere execution would be too good for a defiler such as you! I have in mind something worse!”

Striking a control on his throne, the Lunar Dominator laughed madly as the floor beneath Pulsar’s feet dropped away, sending him plummeting into a dark, dank pit littered with rocks and bones. Above, sonar men peered in, laughing and jeering, as something moved in the shadows before him.

“Thomas Jefferson’s kidneys!” exclaimed Pulsar. “What sort of creature is this, Dominator?”

“We call it the Magnocron!” laughed the evil lunar tyrant. “Not a single being has prevailed against it!”

Pulsar gritted his teeth as out of the shadows lumbered a vile brute resembling a gorilla of some kind with a metallic helmet affixed to its head—a more demonic creature he could not imagine existing! Baring his fists, the only weapons he had, he prepared to engage in mortal combat with this vicious lnar abomination…


Will our brave hero triumph against this monstrosity from the moon? Find out in the next exciting instalment!

Any comments? I am trying something different here.

Demented scientist with kraut-tacular faux accent - check.
"Fuzzy science" so fuzzy that it's spawning tribbles - check.
Evil Overlord - check.
Inescapable death trap - check.

EXXXXCellent. All goes according to the Evil Plan. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

(retreats into the all-encompassing shadows)

Srelex wrote:Any comments? I am trying something different here.

I'm really liking it so far (including the "episodic" feel of the whole thing).

There is stuff that is blatantly exaggerated ignorance (space is filled with fluid, the moon is hundreds of miles away from the Earth, etc.), but they are part of the fun, so no harm done.

All in all just a fun little tromp from a less serious age.

Keep it up.

“My God, doctor, would you take a look at that?”

From underneath two of the lunar maggots, Zeyter and Pollyanna emerged, having held onto the undersides of the creatures to avoid the piercing gazes of the sonar men standing guard throughout the warren of tunnels the maggots had been herded through, deep into the moon’s underground. Now, standing by the herd of chirping moon creatures, they found themselves in an immense cavern mostly taken up by what appeared to be several gently spinning turbines of colossal size.

“By Oppenheimer’s grave!” exclaimed Zeyter. “Zose generators appear to be made of solid lithium! Vun of ze rarest metals in ze galaxy!”

“Lithium? But…”

“Ja! Lithium is one of the most sonar-sensitive minerals there is! Clearly they are harnessing its power to send their sonar energy across the moon!”

“We must somehow destroy these machines, doctor!”

“Nein! Zey must be hundreds of meters tall! Ve vould need a calcium bomb of kvite an impressive magnitude! About vun hundred und eighty kilowattajoules!”

“We’ll think about that later, doctor. For now, I think we should explore our surroundings!”

“Gut sinking! Zere might be a sonar trooper sneaking up on us as ve schpeak! Be quiet and careful!”

As they slowly walked around to take in the magnitude of the chamber they were in, a strange buzzing klaxon sounded. In response, the herd of maggots began to march towards the foot of the primary turbine, slowly and almost reluctantly. As they buzzed distraughtly, Pollyanna noted large crystals embedded in the rock ceiling above, emitting bright light that illuminated the chamber—she noted that they were likely sonar crystals, imbued by the power of such energy.

“Zis area is schuprisingly unguarded.” Said Zeyter. “If I vas to theorize, I vould reckon zat maybe zey vould be initiating some sort of military operation zat vould require ze presence of ze guards here…vhich vould fit vell vit ze fakts…”

“A military invasion? Like…an invasion of Earth?”

“Kvite vitin ze realm of possibility!”

“But…that’s awful! Our freedoms would be stripped from us under the jackboot of sonar oppression!”

“And zat is vhy ve must do everysink to disrupt zeir operations! If only ve could sabotage zese kolossal generators…”

“Wait, doctor…listen…”

They turned around to listen to the chirping of the lunar maggots—it had taken on a strange rhythm, sounding like an orchestra entirely composed of kazoo players. Some of the maggots had turned towards the two earth adventurers, looking almost pleading.

“Hmm…ach! It kannot be!”

“What is it, doctor!”

“Zey are tryink to kommunikate vit us…in sonar Morse code!”

“Morse code? But how would they know…”

“Ve do haff time to diskuss zat! I am tryink to vork out vhat ze schayink!”

They both paused to take in the message the maggots were trying to chirp at them.

“Ach, Goering und Messerschmitt!” exclaimed Zeyter. “It zeems zat zese maggots are in aktuality intelligent creatures, enslaved by ze schonar men so zat zeir sonar power can be harnessed to use as conduction for their power generators!”

“Awful! Does the depravity of these sonar monsters know no bounds!”

“More evidence of their Bolshevism! In any kase, I do believe zat zese maggots might be able to tell us sometink…”

**

“Go forth, my pet! Destroy this meddlesome Earthman and demonstrate the futility of his silly ‘freedom’!”

Pulsar gritted his teeth as the Magnocron stumbled towards him, moving at about the same speed as a car being pushed by five toddlers—but he knew that if he would find himself in the embrace of its bloodstained tritium claws, then his spine would break like a bar of candy! As he evaded a lunge from the creature by stepping to the side, he tried to analyze its plan of attack, to see if there as any window of opportunity to escape.

“This has to work!” he said to himself as he picked up the largest rock he could see, and, summoning all his strength, lobbed it at the creature—only for his face to fall as the rock bounced off the creature’s helmeted head as if it was made from Styrofoam.

“Foolish Earthman!” laughed the Dominator. “Not even the claws of one of your Earth tigers could possibly harm the Magnocron!”

Thinking quickly, Pulsar checked his pockets—and then in one of them, he felt his trusty raygun, which the sonar men in their negligence had failed to take from him. Their loss, he thought!

“Eat calcium rays, you foul furry fiend!” he shouted, jumping atop a rock and aiming his raygun.

“Wait—where did he get that? Did you incompetents not search him?” roared the Dominator.

“Too late, pal!” laughed Pulsar, pulling the trigger of his raygun and reducing the Magnocron to a pile of cinders moments later.

“A thousand curses upon you and all your descendants, Pulsar!” roared the Dominator. “You shall suffer a thousand times tenfold for this atrocity!”

“We’ll see about that!”

“It matters not! Your defilement has merely forced me to accelerate my plans! As we speak, my Sonar Saucers will be taking off to rain destruction on your miserable planet! The only way to warn your people will be to reach my Sonar dishes—which of course you will never do!”

“Wrong again, Dominator!” Pulsar shouted as he aimed his raygun again and fired, burning through a metal door in the wall of the pit.

“Get him, you fools! Reduce him to atoms through the power of sonar!” yelled the Dominator as Pulsar ran through the dank dungeons by the pit. He paused to look up through a skylight—he could make out waves of saucer craft assembling in formation in the upper atmosphere of the moon. If he could contact General Lethbridge and get the Earth Spacefleet to mobilize, then maybe, just maybe, this vicious attack could be thwarted!

The fate of Earth and all that is free and good hangs in the balance! How will our brave heroes resolve this crisis?

“None shall stand before our sonar might! Channel the sonarium engines! Make sure the oscillatortrons are calibrated! We bring sonar death to the Earthmen before, and we shall show them what a folly it is to even consider their ludicrous concepts of ‘freedom’ and ‘apple pie’ as practical theories!”

Within the flagship of the Sonar Armada, the Grand Sonar Marshal, selected by the Dominator himself to lead the attack on Earth, commanding the waves of Sonar Saucers and the legions they contained. First, they would descend on the space bases of the world, destroying their rocketship squadrons while using the power of sonar to cancel out their inferior radar. Then, they would use their sonar to create mighty earthquakes and volcanoes until the Earthmen surrendered to the might of the moon. And from there, they could use the resources of this world to conquer the rest of the solar system, and potentially all the dozens of stars in the Milky Way.

“Commander!” one of the crewmen at one of the sonar consoles on the bridge of the saucer turned to him. “We have reports of disturbance in the Dominator’s palace!”

“It is of no concern!” boomed the Marshal. “The invasion shall proceed regardless! How long before all of our armada is in position?”

“A matter of minutes, my lord!”

“Excellent! Let the power of sonar guide our will!”

He turned to a tactical display—far more advanced than puny Earthling displays, for it could show multiple colors! He could see the nations of Earth highlighted—some would be prioritized less than others, such as Canada, for it was cold and completely unpopulated. Regardless, he was confident that the Earth armies and fleets would be wiped out in the ping of a sonarmeter!

**

“Surrender, Earthman! What makes you think you can stand against our sonar?”

Running out of the entrance to the dungeons and into the bright crystal-lined corridors of the sonar complex, Pulsar narrowly avoided a lethal ray of sonar from a Sonar Trooper charging towards him shouting foul unprintable battlecries. Summoning his knowledge of the mystical Oriental art of Eh-Chi, he delivered a lethal kick towards the lower regions of the sonar man, sending him staggering back gasping. Knowing that he had no time to waste, Pulsar ran on, making sure his raygun was fully recharged.

“Find the Earthman! Reduce him to sonar particles! In the name of the moon!” The harsh voice of the Dominator rang out of speakers throughout the complex, as squads of guards marched to intercept him. Turning around a corner, Pulsar vaporized a squad of sonar men rushing forward with a sweep of his raygun, but knew that it’s calcium energy would not last forever.

“You shall not prevail, Earthman!”

He struggled to resist the pulsing ray of sonar as a trooper jumped down from a crystal rafter above, shooting out the bright green sonar ray from the top of his head. Pulsar knew that if he let his will sap for even a moment, he would be utterly vaporized in its savage glow.

“Be vaporized! Why do you not vaporize?!” barked the sonar man as he intensified his ray.

“For I have a faith in a cause nobler than your twisted lunar dream of sonar and world domination!”

“And what cause would that be?”

“The cause of freedom, you sonar son of a communist!”

And with that, Pulsar leapt into the air and delivered a kick straight to the sonar man’s head, knocking him clean back. Rushing forward, he brought his muscled arms around his throat and squeezed.

“Now, tell me where I can find your communication dishes!” he snarled.

“Never! The Dominator shall triumph despite any efforts you may make!”

“Tell me, my pinko pal, or there won’t be much left of you to serve your Dominator!”

“Very well!” gagged the trooper. “Follow the second crystal tunnel from hall three and head up the ladder!”

“And you are being truthful?”

“If it would mean you releasing me so that I may serve my Dominator, yes!”

“Well, you can forget that!”

Snapping the trooper’s neck, Pulsar scooped up his raygun and went running as more sonar troopers came from behind—he felt no remorse. That sort of thing was something these evil lunar monsters did not warrant for themselves! With that in mind, he fired behind him as more sonar rays came in his direction, blasting into the crystal wall and scattering shards all over the smooth white floor.

“He must be heading for the dishes! Stop him before he can broadcast some sort of message of vile freedom!”

Ignoring the barking shouts of the sonar troopers, Pulsar ran across a hallway, ducking and weaving to avoid the rays and swipes of the lumbering guards. Recalling the directions, he ran into another hallway of crystal, before a door began to close into place before him. Setting his raygun to maximum charge, he shattered the descending barrier, before noting that he only had enough calcium energy for one shot. Curses! He would have to save it for when he truly needed it.

Running forward, he found a ladder, and scaled it in a matter of moments as the heavy sounds of sonar footsteps came from behind. He found himself emerging into a large lunar crater taken up by some sort of dish-like apparatus, with innumerable sonar saucers assembling in the sky. It appeared that the armada was nearly complete—there wasn’t much time to get the message through!

“An Earthman! Stop him!”

Sonar technicians staggered forward to seize him, only for him to summon all his strength and deliver devastating two-handed slaps to their faces. Knocking over the sonar men like ninepins, he ran over to the dish apparatus and grabbed a receiver, tuning into the frequency of the Earth spacefleet command.

“This is Pulsar! Mobilize! Mobilize all rocketships! Sonar armada amassing above the moon! Launch everything!”

“There he is! Stop him!”

He turned as dozens of sonar troopers appeared along the rim of the crater, powering up their sonar beams. There was no way he could defeat all of them quick enough to avoid being vaporized by their lethal sonar rays. He just hoped that his message had got through, and that Earth command could mobilize in time. With that, he closed his eyes as a sonar sergeant gave the signal for the troopers to fire…

Can your heart stand the predicament our noble captain has found himself in? Stay reading only if you feel you have the willpower to take such thrills!

Very nice ... but where's the Ingenue squealing for a rescue? Where's the Beautiful-But-Evil Princess trying to lure the Hero into her *ahem* arms? Action's good, but it needs a bit of female squealing (for one reason or another) to give the Hero a reward.

Squealing and fanservice needed, but otherwise very good.

MysteriousDarkLordv3 wrote:Very nice ... but where's the Ingenue squealing for a rescue? Where's the Beautiful-But-Evil Princess trying to lure the Hero into her *ahem* arms? Action's good, but it needs a bit of female squealing (for one reason or another) to give the Hero a reward.

Patience, there's still more adventures to come with room for that.

Any more comments?

Srelex wrote:He turned to a tactical display—far more advanced than puny Earthling displays, for it could show multiple colors! He could see the nations of Earth highlighted—some would be prioritized less than others, such as Canada, for it was cold and completely unpopulated. Regardless, he was confident that the Earth armies and fleets would be wiped out in the ping of a sonarmeter!

What do you mean Canada is unimportant? We make the Maple Syrup for the Flapjacks that all good Freedom-Loving Space-Rocket Wranglers eat for breakfast! With a healthy side of Bacon and Milk!

I hope you can somehow fit commercial shills by the Heroes between serials.

And you know what the worst thing is? I don't have the proper deep voice to verbally narrate these into a proper radio drama.

Very good, it has a nice tongue in cheek gung-ho story regarding the heroes and foes, the contect of earthman and such makes it read almost a novelisagtion of those bad-but like 50's sci-fi movies. It's also quite funny. So very good overall.