Hello everyone I have some good news for you all.
I have manged to salvage some of my old stories and yes Fan Fic Reviews that I have posted on ASVS, so I will be using this thread to post them, I have and will do the best I to not only clean them up and edit them but to exspand on them, so sit back and enjoy the show.
LT.Hit-Man's Black Tomb Of Terror
Moderator: LadyTevar
-
LT.Hit-Man303
- Youngling
- Posts: 80
- Joined: 2010-03-13 09:45am
LT.Hit-Man's Black Tomb Of Terror
" Remember only you can prevent canibalistic murder, feed your local Sith Lord today. "
-
LT.Hit-Man303
- Youngling
- Posts: 80
- Joined: 2010-03-13 09:45am
Re: LT.Hit-Man's Black Tomb Of Terror
LT.Hit-Man'S Fan Fic Review 1 (SE)
The scene opens to a large room with row upon row of seats much like a movie
theater.
The guests are lead in to take there seats they are the federation prisoners
of the mighty Galactic Empire.
After everyone is settled in as best as they can under given circumstances, a few of them start talking among themselves
wondering why they have been lead from there cells to this building but they
stop talking when they see the feared LT.Hit-Man of the Imperial army make his way to the podium.
In a loud drill sargent type voice he says to them
"All right listen up you maggots you have been brought here because there
is some thing called fan fics, fan fics are stories that have written after we
have conquered a new galaxy.
LT.HIT-MAN is lying because what he has in store
or the former Fed's would never be allowed under the Imperial rules of war
cornering prisoners of war.
"All fan fic is based on the *What if* premise and is told from the writers personal point of view." the fed prisoners hear the LT say to them and they begin to wonder why they are taking part in a review of Imperial litrature.
LT.HIT-MAN stops speaking to let his words sink in when someone from the
audience said " We know what fan fics are you sick bastard! " With a grin
on his scarred face, he says with an all to sweet tone of voice, "Yes I am" and pulls out his blaster and burns down the lippy fed prisoner.
" You should be thankful that I had taken you from you back breaking work and given
you a chance to relax and unwind." LT.Hit-Man says with a sarcastic tone of voice as he looks out on the ex-feds seeing their fear staring to build as he watches them with a cold and evil smirk.
" Yes you see we are here to review the fine works of many good fan fic writers who have have posted their fics one ASVS." He says as he pulls out what looks like an old tv remote control and presses a button and a holo globe appers above them with the following words
"Area51/Quadrant/7762/index.html "
" So let's enjoy shall we and to ensure the * Proper * mood I have brought
the good men of the188th Hell Bringer squadron in order to *Ensure* that no one leaves before the review is done. " Voltrick says as snaps his fingers and fifty stromtroopers barge though the doors and surround the eds with their E-11's pointed at them as four stromtroopersset up on either side of LT.Hit-Man set up and man two E-WEBS pointed at the front rows of prisoners who by now are feeling the icy cold hand of Death twisting their bowels into funny animal shapes.
" Because they had served so well in crushing the now dead Federation under the Empire's boots they have been promoted to prisoner moral officers, you lucky devils " Voltick says with a cruel and evil smirk on his scared face.
Voltrick watches as server droids come in and hand each of the pris- errr guests a bag of pop corn and a big glass of soda pop.
" Enjoy after all we're not barbarians like you feds when you took our leaders and citizens prisoners and subjected them to harsh torture." Voltrick says to the now cowering ex Fedration prisoners and he can feel peasure as he sences their growing terror trough the use of his vast dark side powers.
( see IST3k and RST3k)
" So with out further delay let's give it for the LT.Hit-Man's SW VS ST fan fic review! " he says with a manic and homacidel tone of voice, at first there is dead silence then a few claps here and there that grows
into a dull roar as the stromtroopers point there E-11's at the feds in a menacing manner as the hauntingly beautiful strains of the Imperial March is played in the background.
" Thank you, thank you, your to kind! " Voltrick says with mock sincerity and a winning and bright smile as he can see and sence that his *Guests* are nearing the edge of a full blown terror attack which warmed the cold, empty spot in his chest where his heart once was.
" First up on the LONG list-" some of the fed prisoners start to groan but are quickly given some thing else to groan about as blaster rifle stocks are slammed in to the ribs and faces of the groaning fed prisoners.
" Is Imperial Phoenix by Admiral MK Sheppered. " Voltrick says as he takes a moment to savuor the prisoner's terror like a man would savouer the scent of a finely aged wine.
" Imperial Phoenix has everything that a good fan fic should have, a good plot, depth to the characters, lots of good kick ass combat, not the simple shoot the enemy ships and lose a few of our own but there is lots of detail to the combat
scenes and it is well spun off from main stream fiction." Voltrick says with a mile wide smile as he can see the eyes of his *Guests* darting to and fro as each of them weighted up the odds on making a brake for it, not that he was worried about any escapes, he was not only confendent in his vast dark side powers but also in the abilties of the stromtroopers to keep the Ex-Feds where they were.
Voltrick watches the Ex Fed prisoners as they start to squirm in their seats in terrifed antisapation.
" On a scale of one to ten blaster bolts I give it an eight only because it is unfinished." Voltrick says with a delightyfuly evil tone of voice and eight Fed prisoners are shot down at random and after the screams of terror and the random bouts of bladder and bowel hostilty come to an end and after the fed prisoners have calmed down some what Voltrick begins to speak once more as he finds the terror and bloodshed to be but an apitzer to the banquet of terror and death that is to come.
" Next up is LT. Hit-Man's Journal, That's right lady and gents it's the story about yours truly, where I came from and how I got to know you all so well. " the doomed Ex Feds hear Voltrick say to them as he looks down on them and flashes them a smile so cold and devoid of humanity that some of the weaker prisoners let out a weak cry of mind numbing and blood chilling terror as they faint dead away.
" Man I have not had this much fun since the start of the war. " Voltrick thinks to himself as he opens up a compartment on his stormtrooper belt and pulls out a stogie that is 95% Wookie Weed and 5 Xanthor tabacco and then puts the stogie to his lips and lights it with a small plasma torch in the tip of the middle finger of his cybernetic right hand.
" I give it eight out of ten blaster bolts because it is still undone and also because we are still cleaning up the mess we made of your sorry ass galaxy after we ass raped the lot of you primative screwheads! " Voltrick snarled and blasts eight of the prisoners himself.
(He had told the men of the 188th on how there review was to be handled
who would shoot who and what not)
One of the fed prisoners starts to clap his hands in a pitiful display boot licking and Voltrick had the man dragged away to be dealt with at his leisure once the review was over with.
" Now this next fan fic called Imperial Domination by author unknown is a well done piece of work, not as good as some of the other works I have read but it's much better then the average fan fic so I give it a seven out of ten blaster bolts."
Voltrick said with an almost borad tone of voice as he take another toke from his blunt and nods his head at the stormtoopers and seven feds at turned into ashes.
Voltrick sat down and take a slug of Tall Toad beer as the scrubber droids come and vacuum up the ashes of the chard feds, " Man who knew that fan fic reviews was such hard work. " he thought to himself and then he let out a peel of manic laughter that causes another round of bladder and bowel hostilty in the doomed prisoners which put him in a more charitable mood.
" This next fan fic I found to be a disappointment I'm sorry to say a cross between Buffy vampire slayer and SW VS ST just does not sit well with me." Voltrick said with a clearly disgusted tone of voice, the Ex Fed prisoners start to tremble in gut wrenching terror as they see the scowl on LT.Hit-Man's scared face and for a moment they consider getting up and charging the stromtroopers and trying to fight there way out thinking that they we all going to be gunned down because of a bad fan fic but when Voltrick told them that the fan fic called Mara Jade Borg slayer by Major Tierce gets
four out of ten blaster bolts they sit back down and prey to the gods as the first four feds that stood up are shot dead.
As the four carcasses are being dragged away by the droids Voltrick take another power toke from his blunt, exhales the smoke and takes a heffty swing of his beer then tells the Ex Fed prisoners that the next fan fic done by Major Tierce called Pawn or Thrawn is a good cloak and dagger fan fic that keeps you guess as to what
happens next and it more then makes up for the other fan fic from Major Tierce and it gets a seven out of ten blaster bolts.
Voltrick * Asks * fourteen prisoners to get up and stand before him.
" Ok it's up to each and everyone of you to decide if your going to live so you will fight amoung yourselves and the seven that are left stand will liv-" Voltrick never got to finish what he was saying because the fourteen prisoners caught on to what he was saying and after five minutes of ruthless and bloody hand to hand combat that pitted two brothers a wife and husband against each other LT.HIT-MAN had his winners and out of the seven losers three of them had died in the fight.
As the other four where shot Voltrick looks out at the rest of the Ex Fed prisoners that had fought for their worthless lives, " I knew that you new Imperial citizens where just a ruthless and blood thirsty as us Imperials, given the right motivation . " he said with a pleased tone of voice then he had seven prisoners taken away and put with the rest
of the prisoners, betting that once the word spread about what these prisoners had done to save there own skins their useless and failed lives were going to be made a living hell before the other prisoners killed them when no one was
looking.
Jail house justice has it's own way of dealing with cowards.
" Ok next up is Oath of the Jedi by Kynes Highwind very well done fan fic that gets eight out of ten blaster bolts, I hope to see more of his work he has the potential to be a great fan fic writer." Voltrick said with a plesently buzzed out tone of voice and a terrfying cold but loony smile.
Voltrick could see that the fed prisoners where starting to get edgey as eight E-11's fired at once dropping eight Ex Feds to the floor and decided to take a brake and started to eat from his own bag of pop corn as did the men
of the 188th but only a few of the prisoners ate and Voltrick wondered why but in the end he did not care and just kept eating his pop corn as he found himself in the grip of a major munchie attack.
After he was done pigging out Voltrick had two droid bring in a large cage that was cover by a black cloth and from the cage there was a low growling as if made by some large beast as the doomed Ex Feds saw that the cage was 15 meters high and 40 meters long.
" This next fan fic is a real piece of work it's called Conquest By
Michael Wong this is by far one of the best fan fic I have ever had good luck to read." Voltrick said to the Ex Feds and it was taking all of his vast and considerable Dark Side powers to keep himself from pissing himself in unholy glee as he laid out a bomb shell on them " I mean who would have thought that Captain Picard would turn traitor! " he said with a truely evil smile.
(Voltrick was lying after all he would not know if Picard would betray the Federation until the next chapter of Conquest)
And when he saw the looks of out rage and fear in their eyes it took every scrap of his Sithly powers to keep from laughing like the stoned, homicidal god of death that he was, one prisoner even had the guts to call him a liar.
"Don't be sure after all the truth can sometime be more devastating then a lie could ever be, in my books these fan fic get's a nine out of ten blaster bolts, looks like Sheppered has some compation on his hands. " Voltrick said with such an evil tone of voice that the doomed Ex Feds beileved him as nine prisoners where lead to the top of the cage and given blaster rifles.
" Good luck, you'll need it! " Voltrick said as he found himself in a very mellow and peaceable mood now that this unholy thrist for death and terror was some what sated, with that said they where pushed into the cage just as the cloth was dropped from the front of it to reveal a rancor.
The fed prisoners just started in horror as the * Lucky* contestants were ripped apart by the rancor, their blasters being as useful as a wet cloth to stop the super laser of the DS2 as some of the Ex Feds start to puke as they saw
there friends being ripped to bloody pieces by the enraged rancor while of them faited dead away of their weak mind were broken like the legs of an ewok being used for cruel sport by the scout troopers that had been stationed on Endor before the end of the Old Empire.
Once the rancor was done making a not so happy meal out of the doomed Ex Fed that had been sent to * Play * with it Voltrick had the stromtroopers who where maning the two E-WEB'S open fire on the rancor and after about five minutes the great beast was dead.
As the prisoners where being lead back to the prison, Voltrick told the terrfied and despirited Ex Feds that was all for now but soon he would have them back for another instalment of LT.Hit-Man's fan fic review showcase.
The scene opens to a large room with row upon row of seats much like a movie
theater.
The guests are lead in to take there seats they are the federation prisoners
of the mighty Galactic Empire.
After everyone is settled in as best as they can under given circumstances, a few of them start talking among themselves
wondering why they have been lead from there cells to this building but they
stop talking when they see the feared LT.Hit-Man of the Imperial army make his way to the podium.
In a loud drill sargent type voice he says to them
"All right listen up you maggots you have been brought here because there
is some thing called fan fics, fan fics are stories that have written after we
have conquered a new galaxy.
LT.HIT-MAN is lying because what he has in store
or the former Fed's would never be allowed under the Imperial rules of war
cornering prisoners of war.
"All fan fic is based on the *What if* premise and is told from the writers personal point of view." the fed prisoners hear the LT say to them and they begin to wonder why they are taking part in a review of Imperial litrature.
LT.HIT-MAN stops speaking to let his words sink in when someone from the
audience said " We know what fan fics are you sick bastard! " With a grin
on his scarred face, he says with an all to sweet tone of voice, "Yes I am" and pulls out his blaster and burns down the lippy fed prisoner.
" You should be thankful that I had taken you from you back breaking work and given
you a chance to relax and unwind." LT.Hit-Man says with a sarcastic tone of voice as he looks out on the ex-feds seeing their fear staring to build as he watches them with a cold and evil smirk.
" Yes you see we are here to review the fine works of many good fan fic writers who have have posted their fics one ASVS." He says as he pulls out what looks like an old tv remote control and presses a button and a holo globe appers above them with the following words
"Area51/Quadrant/7762/index.html "
" So let's enjoy shall we and to ensure the * Proper * mood I have brought
the good men of the188th Hell Bringer squadron in order to *Ensure* that no one leaves before the review is done. " Voltrick says as snaps his fingers and fifty stromtroopers barge though the doors and surround the eds with their E-11's pointed at them as four stromtroopersset up on either side of LT.Hit-Man set up and man two E-WEBS pointed at the front rows of prisoners who by now are feeling the icy cold hand of Death twisting their bowels into funny animal shapes.
" Because they had served so well in crushing the now dead Federation under the Empire's boots they have been promoted to prisoner moral officers, you lucky devils " Voltick says with a cruel and evil smirk on his scared face.
Voltrick watches as server droids come in and hand each of the pris- errr guests a bag of pop corn and a big glass of soda pop.
" Enjoy after all we're not barbarians like you feds when you took our leaders and citizens prisoners and subjected them to harsh torture." Voltrick says to the now cowering ex Fedration prisoners and he can feel peasure as he sences their growing terror trough the use of his vast dark side powers.
( see IST3k and RST3k)
" So with out further delay let's give it for the LT.Hit-Man's SW VS ST fan fic review! " he says with a manic and homacidel tone of voice, at first there is dead silence then a few claps here and there that grows
into a dull roar as the stromtroopers point there E-11's at the feds in a menacing manner as the hauntingly beautiful strains of the Imperial March is played in the background.
" Thank you, thank you, your to kind! " Voltrick says with mock sincerity and a winning and bright smile as he can see and sence that his *Guests* are nearing the edge of a full blown terror attack which warmed the cold, empty spot in his chest where his heart once was.
" First up on the LONG list-" some of the fed prisoners start to groan but are quickly given some thing else to groan about as blaster rifle stocks are slammed in to the ribs and faces of the groaning fed prisoners.
" Is Imperial Phoenix by Admiral MK Sheppered. " Voltrick says as he takes a moment to savuor the prisoner's terror like a man would savouer the scent of a finely aged wine.
" Imperial Phoenix has everything that a good fan fic should have, a good plot, depth to the characters, lots of good kick ass combat, not the simple shoot the enemy ships and lose a few of our own but there is lots of detail to the combat
scenes and it is well spun off from main stream fiction." Voltrick says with a mile wide smile as he can see the eyes of his *Guests* darting to and fro as each of them weighted up the odds on making a brake for it, not that he was worried about any escapes, he was not only confendent in his vast dark side powers but also in the abilties of the stromtroopers to keep the Ex-Feds where they were.
Voltrick watches the Ex Fed prisoners as they start to squirm in their seats in terrifed antisapation.
" On a scale of one to ten blaster bolts I give it an eight only because it is unfinished." Voltrick says with a delightyfuly evil tone of voice and eight Fed prisoners are shot down at random and after the screams of terror and the random bouts of bladder and bowel hostilty come to an end and after the fed prisoners have calmed down some what Voltrick begins to speak once more as he finds the terror and bloodshed to be but an apitzer to the banquet of terror and death that is to come.
" Next up is LT. Hit-Man's Journal, That's right lady and gents it's the story about yours truly, where I came from and how I got to know you all so well. " the doomed Ex Feds hear Voltrick say to them as he looks down on them and flashes them a smile so cold and devoid of humanity that some of the weaker prisoners let out a weak cry of mind numbing and blood chilling terror as they faint dead away.
" Man I have not had this much fun since the start of the war. " Voltrick thinks to himself as he opens up a compartment on his stormtrooper belt and pulls out a stogie that is 95% Wookie Weed and 5 Xanthor tabacco and then puts the stogie to his lips and lights it with a small plasma torch in the tip of the middle finger of his cybernetic right hand.
" I give it eight out of ten blaster bolts because it is still undone and also because we are still cleaning up the mess we made of your sorry ass galaxy after we ass raped the lot of you primative screwheads! " Voltrick snarled and blasts eight of the prisoners himself.
(He had told the men of the 188th on how there review was to be handled
who would shoot who and what not)
One of the fed prisoners starts to clap his hands in a pitiful display boot licking and Voltrick had the man dragged away to be dealt with at his leisure once the review was over with.
" Now this next fan fic called Imperial Domination by author unknown is a well done piece of work, not as good as some of the other works I have read but it's much better then the average fan fic so I give it a seven out of ten blaster bolts."
Voltrick said with an almost borad tone of voice as he take another toke from his blunt and nods his head at the stormtoopers and seven feds at turned into ashes.
Voltrick sat down and take a slug of Tall Toad beer as the scrubber droids come and vacuum up the ashes of the chard feds, " Man who knew that fan fic reviews was such hard work. " he thought to himself and then he let out a peel of manic laughter that causes another round of bladder and bowel hostilty in the doomed prisoners which put him in a more charitable mood.
" This next fan fic I found to be a disappointment I'm sorry to say a cross between Buffy vampire slayer and SW VS ST just does not sit well with me." Voltrick said with a clearly disgusted tone of voice, the Ex Fed prisoners start to tremble in gut wrenching terror as they see the scowl on LT.Hit-Man's scared face and for a moment they consider getting up and charging the stromtroopers and trying to fight there way out thinking that they we all going to be gunned down because of a bad fan fic but when Voltrick told them that the fan fic called Mara Jade Borg slayer by Major Tierce gets
four out of ten blaster bolts they sit back down and prey to the gods as the first four feds that stood up are shot dead.
As the four carcasses are being dragged away by the droids Voltrick take another power toke from his blunt, exhales the smoke and takes a heffty swing of his beer then tells the Ex Fed prisoners that the next fan fic done by Major Tierce called Pawn or Thrawn is a good cloak and dagger fan fic that keeps you guess as to what
happens next and it more then makes up for the other fan fic from Major Tierce and it gets a seven out of ten blaster bolts.
Voltrick * Asks * fourteen prisoners to get up and stand before him.
" Ok it's up to each and everyone of you to decide if your going to live so you will fight amoung yourselves and the seven that are left stand will liv-" Voltrick never got to finish what he was saying because the fourteen prisoners caught on to what he was saying and after five minutes of ruthless and bloody hand to hand combat that pitted two brothers a wife and husband against each other LT.HIT-MAN had his winners and out of the seven losers three of them had died in the fight.
As the other four where shot Voltrick looks out at the rest of the Ex Fed prisoners that had fought for their worthless lives, " I knew that you new Imperial citizens where just a ruthless and blood thirsty as us Imperials, given the right motivation . " he said with a pleased tone of voice then he had seven prisoners taken away and put with the rest
of the prisoners, betting that once the word spread about what these prisoners had done to save there own skins their useless and failed lives were going to be made a living hell before the other prisoners killed them when no one was
looking.
Jail house justice has it's own way of dealing with cowards.
" Ok next up is Oath of the Jedi by Kynes Highwind very well done fan fic that gets eight out of ten blaster bolts, I hope to see more of his work he has the potential to be a great fan fic writer." Voltrick said with a plesently buzzed out tone of voice and a terrfying cold but loony smile.
Voltrick could see that the fed prisoners where starting to get edgey as eight E-11's fired at once dropping eight Ex Feds to the floor and decided to take a brake and started to eat from his own bag of pop corn as did the men
of the 188th but only a few of the prisoners ate and Voltrick wondered why but in the end he did not care and just kept eating his pop corn as he found himself in the grip of a major munchie attack.
After he was done pigging out Voltrick had two droid bring in a large cage that was cover by a black cloth and from the cage there was a low growling as if made by some large beast as the doomed Ex Feds saw that the cage was 15 meters high and 40 meters long.
" This next fan fic is a real piece of work it's called Conquest By
Michael Wong this is by far one of the best fan fic I have ever had good luck to read." Voltrick said to the Ex Feds and it was taking all of his vast and considerable Dark Side powers to keep himself from pissing himself in unholy glee as he laid out a bomb shell on them " I mean who would have thought that Captain Picard would turn traitor! " he said with a truely evil smile.
(Voltrick was lying after all he would not know if Picard would betray the Federation until the next chapter of Conquest)
And when he saw the looks of out rage and fear in their eyes it took every scrap of his Sithly powers to keep from laughing like the stoned, homicidal god of death that he was, one prisoner even had the guts to call him a liar.
"Don't be sure after all the truth can sometime be more devastating then a lie could ever be, in my books these fan fic get's a nine out of ten blaster bolts, looks like Sheppered has some compation on his hands. " Voltrick said with such an evil tone of voice that the doomed Ex Feds beileved him as nine prisoners where lead to the top of the cage and given blaster rifles.
" Good luck, you'll need it! " Voltrick said as he found himself in a very mellow and peaceable mood now that this unholy thrist for death and terror was some what sated, with that said they where pushed into the cage just as the cloth was dropped from the front of it to reveal a rancor.
The fed prisoners just started in horror as the * Lucky* contestants were ripped apart by the rancor, their blasters being as useful as a wet cloth to stop the super laser of the DS2 as some of the Ex Feds start to puke as they saw
there friends being ripped to bloody pieces by the enraged rancor while of them faited dead away of their weak mind were broken like the legs of an ewok being used for cruel sport by the scout troopers that had been stationed on Endor before the end of the Old Empire.
Once the rancor was done making a not so happy meal out of the doomed Ex Fed that had been sent to * Play * with it Voltrick had the stromtroopers who where maning the two E-WEB'S open fire on the rancor and after about five minutes the great beast was dead.
As the prisoners where being lead back to the prison, Voltrick told the terrfied and despirited Ex Feds that was all for now but soon he would have them back for another instalment of LT.Hit-Man's fan fic review showcase.
" Remember only you can prevent canibalistic murder, feed your local Sith Lord today. "