StarDestroyer.Net BBS

It was three weeks into the Voyage, I had booked passage on the Spray Chaser a former military craft that had since become, well any number of things. The Crystal sea was living up to its name magnificently and I decided to walk to the bow of the ship. There was a legend among the seafaring folk that if one were to catch the spray of the crystal off the bow in a flask, and kept it to your heart a wish would come true, mine did, though not how I would have imagined.

I was walking, humming one of the old tunes that those of us that wander tend to pick up, when I saw her leaning over the bow. Her hair was as dark as the night around her, and her dress a haunting shade of pale white. her face held a look of serene contentment. I was enchanted. smiling she looked over her shoulder as though she new I was there. she beckoned to me. Why, I do not understand. I'm a walker, obviously below her. yet her open smile and warm eyes piqued my curiosity, and I found myself moving to stand beside her

"I Love this Voyage." she murmured. it felt as though she were whispering to me alone, though at the same time I can feel the whisper dancing on the air.

"I've never taken this particular route before." I answered back. "I was never afraid of the sea, beyond the healthy fear all really should have, but more of the lands on the other side." She smiles at that statement.

"Why the fear of a land." she asks teasingly

"That," I reply grinning. "I cannot answer, I don't know, myself, however that is not all I feel now. There is a driving need to be there. to find new stories, new adventures I do not feel hounded so much as guided, the feeling of a great tale in the weaving, I have to witness it, but need to be quick."

"What of you." I asked. "What takes you so far from home."
Her laugh floats across the bow not mocking, or even teasing, more delighted that the question has been raised.

"But I am Home." She replies. The echoes of her laughter reverberate through the air much like a chime. I raise an eyebrow at this. It is not unheard of, but a woman of her obvious upbringing. changing the subject perhaps to show me why, perhaps to forestall more questions, I do not know, she moved on.


"I am at peace here. This is my home, among the stars and seas. Are they not beautiful, the stars glittering in the sky and on the waves, their apparent emptiness belying the the rush of life just below the surface. Truly is man blessed to bear witness to such enchanting moments as these. A shame though that only storytellers truly seem to see, I find my home amid the oceans the stars and the Moon. But it is not only what is seen but what is heard. There is music in the waves as well. Listen, just Let the air flow through you, the sounds wash over you."

At first I am Skeptical but listen I do. first hearing nothing, but quickly I hear the Whale calls, and the sounds of water lapping at the sides of the ship. The spray as the bow plunges back into the water after riding for a time on a wave.

A few moments pass, and the look of serenity passes along her face once more. Only now do I truly behold her beauty, lost to me earlier with a face half hidden by shadows off the jib.
She smiles warmly on seeing the awestruck look on my face.

"Dance with me." she asks. almost diffidently, why I haven't a clue as I would have been able to deny easier a king, and have, since that day.
So we danced slowly at first. not for her sake, but for mine, dancing was not easy for a walker such as myself on ship. Her grace encompassed my first clumsy attempts, but soon I was accustomed to the rhythm our bodies, set in counter point to the rocking of the ship first quickly then slowly, sometimes rocking in time to a wave striking the port or starboard gunwales.

Time seemed to slow, almost stop, as I held her in my arms, and she held me. As we whirled away the small hours of the morning at the bow of a ship bound for far away shores she stopped me as the sun rose. and her dress first a pale white like the moon, proved to be a pale blue azure, as the ocean meeting the sky. staring away at the sunset I looked over to her leaning against my arm.

"I think," I said nervously to her. "That I love you."
Stepping around to face me she replied by wrapping her arms around my waist stepping foreword, and pulling me closer.

"And I you." she whispered in reply. kissing me gently as the sun came up over South Harbor my destination. "We'll meet again someday." she said gently as I looked sadly to the direction that would part me from her.

The Eastern Lands called.

Welcome to the board etc. etc. and this story seems like it could be interesting enough but please will you clean this up a bit before posting more? There are frequent and annoying errors in punctuation and capitalization. Example, with corrections underlined:

It was three weeks into the voyage. I had booked passage on the Spray Chaser, a former military craft that had since become, well, any number of things. The Crystal Sea was living up to its name magnificently and I decided to walk to the bow of the ship. There was a legend among the seafaring folk that if one was to catch the spray of the Crystal off the bow in a flask and keep it to one's heart a wish would come true; mine did, though not how I would have imagined.

That makes thirteen mistakes in the first paragraph alone. This irks me. You can edit these posts so fix them.

Thanks, I've a hard time catching Errors on my own. It's good to actually get critiquing on my work.

Please try. Random strangers have very little incentive to proofread your work for you, because it is a dull and time-consuming task. If this burden is imposed upon them regularly, they will quickly become bored of it, and stop reading your work.

Personally I disagree with the above. Being a non native English speaker I don't mind or even punctuation and grammar errors at all.
There are those here that just enjoy a text for its quality. And I say that if the crowd does not like you, it's time to find a new crowd.

You will be hard pressed to find an audience of educated people which consistently ignores bad grammar and punctuation. For people fully familiar with the language, this is often like having a little hammer hit them on the head every time they hit an error- constant minor annoyances that distract the eye from the flow of the narrative.

People who are highly tolerant of bad spelling, grammar, and punctuation exist. But the only places I've ever found them in large numbers was among groups of illiterate fools- think in terms of Youtube comments, for instance.

So please proofread.

Random capitalization is about the easiest thing in the world to fix- just don't ever capitalize anything but the beginning of a sentence or a proper noun. It's not hard to figure out which things are proper nouns, really it isn't, I was doing it when I was eight.