Poem: Ballad of a Star Sailor

[Eternal_Freedom]

I sail through the blackest of oceans,
On wings of fire to the furthest lands.
I sail for glory and honour and the dream:
Upon new shores of distant worlds I'll stand.

Soaring through the brilliant Heavens,
Bathed in the light of a distant sun.
From the forgotten home of my fathers,
To the new-born lands of my sons.

Far across the black ocean I watch,
Waiting for my brothers to join me.
For them to brave the voids of time,
And stride forth upon the blackest sea.

One day my adventures will end.
One day my travels will be done.
But until that day, there's stars to sail,
And plenty of battles to be won.

Comments and feedback appreciated.

[The Romulan Republic]

Personally I like it. Especially parts one and three.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Thanks! I was beginning to wonder if anyone would say anything

[Ahriman238]

I like it. Especially the connection with previous and prior generations. I really like how you capture this sense of loneliness in the big black emptiness, but also have the promise of adventure in the final verse, without conflict.

The construction feels a tiny bit clumsy to me, but I always feel that way about free-verse. Without a particular rhyme scheme in mind, you really have to find your own rythym and meter. I'd say you did really well on this (better than I can, to be honest) but that there's still a little room for improvement.

Good stuff!

[Purple]

Indeed, good stuff. I am not usually one for poetry but this handily captures the spirit of a mariner. I could almost imagine a guy standing on an old sailing boat looking into the distance.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Indeed, good stuff. I am not usually one for poetry but this handily captures the spirit of a mariner. I could almost imagine a guy standing on an old sailing boat looking into the distance.

Thanks, that's what I was aiming for. I think. As I recall, this is one of my poems that just popped into my head pretty much fully formed.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I know this is a hefty necro, but I have additional news on this poem; it's getting published in the University of Glamorgan Creative Writing Anthology 2012. Which is pretty awesome for a 20 year old student.

[DaZergRock54444]

Well done and congratulations on the publish. And thanks for the necro, I probably wouldn't have found this little gem without it.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

[The Romulan Republic]

Congratulations.

[Purple]

Congratulations man.