ah ehm a playwright!

[Enforcer Talen]

with lots of credit to the actors, as it was an improv play



The B Rated Movie With

The Monster

Dr Black

The Janitor

Mr. Adam

Student 1

Student 2

The Monster looks like a student holding a pair of jaws drawn on two sheets of paper, in black marker. They literally cover his face.

Dr Black wears black

The Janitor, Adam and both students wear high school clothes.

Scene 1 -

The Lab

With assorted chemical sets, sewing machines, high tech devices and the like - Dr Black and Student 1 are behind the main table, with the Monster trapped behind two chairs.

Student 1, emphatically: This is the craziest science project I've ever seen!

Dr Black, working with the materials, only half listening: What, you've never made a monster for your senior project before?

Student 1: I'm only a freshman!

Dr Black: Well, you should remember that. -paying more attention- The monster looks hungry. There are some rabbits here. How about you open the monster's cage and feed him something?

Monster growls as Student 1 does so. The monster eats the rabbit quickly, and Student 1 backs away nervously. Dr Black walks to the lab door and closes it.

Dr Black, cheerfully: Locking the door. . .

The Monster steps out from behind the chairs, growling. Student 1 is quickly devoured, leaving her still on the floor.

Dr Black, resoundingly: Go forth, my monster, and devour all who stand in our way!

Scene two

Setting: The Lab

Same as before, save Student 1 lies on the ground, and the monster is asleep on the chairs. The Janitor steps in from the hallway, taking in the sight.

Janitor (southern accent): Aw, man, what is this?

Stepping foward slowly, he places a convenient newspaper on the body. He then sees the monster.

Janitor: Holy shit!

Monster growls in his sleep as the Janitor examines the table of chemicals. He grabs one.

Janitor: Need one dose of cc. . .

The monster is jabbed by the hypodermic, and jerks, waking up. The Janitor runs off, and as the Monster starts to follow, Dr Black enters the room, touches the angry monster.

Dr Black: So. . . I have created you. The perfect monster! You will destroy this school, and everyone in it!

The monster pauses.

Dr Black: Go to it!

As the monster walks into the hall, maniacal laughter is heard.

Scene Three

Setting: The Hallway

In a typical hallway, the Janitor is speaking to Student 2

Janitor: Students are one of the greatest duties I have so far, and you're a woman, so I thought I'd let you know there's this giant lizard thing is hanging around the school, eating people up, big teeth, so just watch out, I wouldnt want anything to happen to you.

Student 2: Alright

Janitor: You watch out now.

Student 2: Ok.

The Janitor and Student 2 walk in seperate directions, and as Student 2 passes a doorway, the Monster's hand reaches out and pulls her in as she screams. When the camera turns to look into adjourning hallway, her body is on the floor, still. The Janitor runs in.

Janitor: Oh my God. What wretched beast could have done this to you?

He looks up, and the camera zooms in slightly.

Scene Four

Setting: A different Hallway

The Janitor is talking to Mr. Adam.

Janitor: I need to talk to you as one of your fellow collegues, I hope you can handle it. There's some big creature running about,


Mr. Adam: Like an ox, or a bird?

Janitor: No, it's not like the principal, it's like a Lousiana crocidile. It's got big teeth, I dont know what I should do. . .

Mr. Adam, reaching out: Calm down. I think we should make a visit to Dr. Black, try to convince him about the monster.

Janitor: No, I dont need anything about doctors. . .

Mr. Adam: Come on. You need to see him.

Janitor: Alright.

Mr. Adam: Ok. Everything is ok.

They walk down the hall.

Scene Five

Setting: same Hallway, long view.

Mr Adam and the Janitor walk towards the camera. They are talking to each other, Mr. Adam seeming doubtful, The Janitor trying to convince him.

Janitor: Now, I saw him maul two students. . .

Mr Adam: Oh, look, there's Dr Black.

Dr Black enters the scene, Mr Adam seeming to push the Janitor towards him.

Mr Adam: Someone for you to see.

Dr Black holds out hand in greeting. Janitor ignores it as Mr Adam walks away.

Janitor, to Mr. Adam: You didn't help.

Janitor (clearly nervous, annoyed), to Dr Black: There's some sort of creature around here, he's about the size of a crocidile, he's got big teeth, he ate two students.

In the background, the monster crosses the hallway from one door to the other.

Dr Black (helpful): I havent heard about any trouble.

Janitor: Two students. . .

He catches sight of the monster and points: He's right there!

The monster scurries out of sight. Dr Black looks back and sees nothing.

Dr Black: I didnt see anything.

Janitor: You didnt see that, huge white teeth?

Dr Black: Not a thing. Are you in any sort of stressful situation. . .?

While Dr Black's back is turned, the monster goes to a door on the opposite side of the hall, closer. Janitor sees him.

Janitor: He's right there!

The monster waves as Dr Black turns, seeing him.

Dr Black: I dont see him.

Janitor: He waved his hand right at you! He's the size about, of a crocidile.

Dr Black: Monsters dont exist in a school building.

The Monster peers at him, and Black looks back, then pulls a TI-89 or similar out of a pocket.

Dr Black: Here's a diagram.

Monster approaches.

Janitor, interrupting: Oh, another one of your diagrams.

Dr Black: Yeah, one of my diagrams.

The Monster stands next to Dr Black and raises his leg.

Dr Black, to Janitor: This is conclusive proof that

Janitor, interrupting: He is urinating on you, right now!

Dr Black, studiously paying attention to Janitor: I dont see anything.

Janitor, interrupting: He is urinating on you, right now!

Dr Black, studiously paying attention to Janitor: I dont see any monster.

The Monster walks out of view.

Janitor: There is urine on your leg!

Dr Black: And that is why monsters dont exist.

He pockets the TI-89


Dr Black: And now I have to go to class. Goodbye.

Scene Six

Setting: Outside, under a tree, backed by light.

Janitor, stroking chin, thoughtful: What should I do? The school is under attack by a huge beast. Do I continue by job as a janitor? Or fight to save the school I love.

He walks off, thoughtful, as the camera follows. Stepping behind a pillar, he leaves sight for a moment. He returns wearing brown cap and a workman's apron.

Janitor, standing strong: I'm going to fight.

Scene Seven

Setting: A hallway

Janitor strides forcefully down the hallway. This continues for a moment, and then he sees Dr Black, working at a desk with a large selection of papers.

Janitor, strongly: Hey, Dr Black. I'd like to have a word with you about those students that were missing.

Dr Black, confused: Uhm, I havents heard a thing about any missing students. Havent gotten a single thing.

Janitor: I talked to you earlier about this

Dr Black, interrupting: I thought I already told you, you know, that monsters didnt exist? You have quite an imagination.

Janitor: Yeah. Did you get any notices, or anything?

Janitor pokes through the papers; near the bottom, easily seen with large letters, is the word Students.

Janitor: It looked a little like a paper down there.

Dr Black flips through them: Look through them, they are just professor stuff.

Janitor: I hear professor stuff all the time. . . It looks a little like a paper down there.

Dr Black: I dont see it.

Janitor: The one with Missing on it?

Dr Black: It was a joke sent by my friends.

Janitor pulls out the paper, which says Students Missing, Caution, in large letters.

Dr Black: Uhm. Yes.

Janitor: It has the faculty stamp on it, so. . . I dont know what this means to you. Did it slip it while you were out, or something?

Dr Black: It must have.

Janitor: Well, now you know.

Dr Black: Right. I will notify the proper authorities.

Janitor: You can page them online.

Dr Black: I'll be sure that it arrives.

Janitor walks away - as he does so, Dr Black crumples up the notice.

Dr Black: I didnt see a single thing about missing students.

He pockets it and walks away.

Scene Eight

Setting: The end of a hallway

Janitor walks towards the camera, holding a poster sized peice of paper. He tapes it on the wall and draws a quick stick figure with face and hair as he talks.

Janitor: This will be a perfect diversion. The monster will think it's a student and brutally attack it, hurting itself. That will give me time to throw a large rock at it's skull.

Janitor looks at the paper

Janitor: I did a pretty good drawing on this here paper.

A paper ball hits him from offscreen; when he turns, a student is running down the hall.

Janitor, miserable: Damn kids! Always throwing things at me. This is how I learned how to make these here drawings. Sometimes I make them at home. . .

Janitor takes out belt while talking, hits poster.

Janitor: Damn! . . . Let's see if the monster comes.

Janitor steps off to the side, hiding. After a moment, the monster walks up to the poster.

Janitor: Oh my God!

The monster looks at the poster, and shakes his head pityingly. Then he walks off.

Janitor watches him go: Wha. . what?

Scene Nine

Setting: Outside the Lab

Janitor is drinking a soda, and sees Student One sprawled outside the door to the Lab.

Student One, painfully: I'm not dead yet!

Janitor: Now what's going on here?

Student One, sobbing: I'm bleeding.

Janitor: Yes, I can see you're bleeding.

Janitor pauses as Student One sobs.

Janitor: Maybe you can help me. Get up, get up!

Student One limps to her feet.

Janitor: Come on, it's just a flesh wound. Straighten that broken leg out!

Student One whimpers as Janitor leads her to a small side room.

Janitor: Come on now. Hustle! Now, I want you to lay down right there until the monster comes and gets you.

Student One lies down, weak.

Janitor: Now, let me just push all this blood out here. . .

Janitor, quietly: I'll trap the monster, and he'll think he'll get a good meal out of it.

Janitor hides: I just got to wait it out.

Monster approaches after a few moments.

Janitor: Here he comes!

Monster finishes Student One. Squealing ensues.

Janitor closes the door on the monster.

Janitor: Hahaha. Yeehaw!

Monster opens the door, walks out.

Janitor: Aw, Dammit! I forgot to lock the door!

Scene Ten

Setting: A different small room

Janitor, to the approaching Mr Adam: Ah God, I just saw another student. . dead, and bleeding

Mr Adam, interrupting: A monster again, Mark? Just relax, you have to calm down.

Janitor, sobbing: Years ago, my son was circumcised and mauled by a creature. . .

Mr Adam: Oh my God, that's disgusting

Janitor: . . .a creature, was six years old

Mr Adam puts an arm on the Janitor

Janitor, still sobbing: We we fishing, in Scotland. This monster. . .

Mr Adam: Ok, let me tell you this. I've never seen you like this, not in the thirty five years we've been together. But let me say this - after this thirty five years, finally, I beleive you. I believe you. Please believe me!

Janitor, recovering: Well, you know what? We need to stop the monster.

Mr Adam: We do need to stop this monster. We need to stop it.

Janitor: and the one person who knows the most about this

Mr Adam: is

both: Dr Black!

Janitor: We will find this monster, and we will destroy it.

Scene Eleven

Setting: The Lab

Janitor and Mr Adam enter the Lab. The table is between them and Dr Black.


Dr Black: What are you doing here?

Janitor: Dr Black, I have the right mind to call the police right now.

Dr Black: Over what?

Janitor: I know you have something to do with this.

Dr Black: To do with what?

Janitor: To do with this monster! He has eaten two students, one of them in this classroom, and you have neglected to notice that.

Dr Black pauses, then grins: Your right. I did have something to do with this.

Janitor: I knew it!

Dr Black: In fact, I created the monster!

Janitor and Mr Adam both look shocked.

Dr Black: I wanted it to destroy this school, after it did not do what I told them to. And I think I'm going to have it do the same to you. Monster! Kill them!

The monster rises as Mr Adam screams in alarm.

Dr Black laughs maniacally. Monster attacks Mr Adam and Janitor.

Janitor, moaning: You ripped out my side!

Monster laughs maniacally. Mr Adam attacks him. Monster flinches. Janitor attacks Monster. Monster throws Mr Adam away. Janitor limps to table.

Dr Black, laughing: You cannot defeat a monster such as mine!

Mr Adam takes down the Monster as Janitor looks on exhaustedly.

Dr Black: You may have defeated my monster; but all of the children are still dead!

Dr Black laughs maniacally.

Mr Adam: Dont take that tone with me boy! Or I'll stab you in the face with a sautering iron, boy!

Dr Black contines to laugh.

Mr Adam punches him in the face.

Dr Black slumps backward.

Janitor: Ow, my testicles are gone.

Mr Adam: Oh, poor you. See, the monster did exist. You were right! and sorry bout your testicles.

[Enforcer Talen]

and I insist you read this. and comment. many times.