Batman 1939: A Very Special Batman Christmas
Posted: 2016-12-17 01:03pm
Welcome to the latest tale in the Batman 1939 series. Unlike prior novel-length works, A Very Special Batman Christmas is a short story told in two parts. Part one is below. Part two will be posted on Christmas Day. If you're looking for the previous stories in the '39 World, you can find them here: The Dangers of Being Cold andSwimming in the Styx.
Enjoy.
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Batman 1939: A Very Special Batman Christmas
Part 1 of 2
December 24th, 1941.
Gotham City.
St. Jude's Cathedral was the largest church in the New World, its tallest building for twenty years, and it served more worshipers each week than all but six parishes on Earth. This surprised strangers. It even surprised the Vatican. Simply put, Gotham City wasn't known for its piety. But that reputation was undeserved. If Gotham did one thing well, it was produce bold personalities - artists and scientists and entrepreneurs, but that boldness was just as fierce in its missionaries and mystics and saints. St. Jude's wasn't the marble titan of Gotham's skyline because of a mandatory tithe or a club of wealthy patrons. It was built on the backs and the wallets of the city's teeming Catholic poor. A generation that had just bled to win the Civil War for the Union, a generation that had every reason to focus on their material needs and practice their faith quietly. Indeed, the Protestant establishment put up endless roadblocks; even decades later some liked to snipe that the effort would have been better spent on soup kitchens. In fairness, while the project's perseverance was heroic, perhaps its success was inevitable. If not for divine will, then because Gotham City loved nothing more than oversized buildings and Gothic architecture, and none surpassed St. Jude's.
That night, the Cathedral's heavy mahogany doors of swung outward with the slow pace of ceremony. Thirty-bell carillons tolled from its famous towers. St. Jude's massive pipe organ was only a muffled hum outside. Its joyous closing melody ushered a stream of parishioners through the doors and into the chill of the evening. They shuffled through the crisp air like figures in a silent film, shrugging into coats and tossing scarves over their shoulders. Priests shook hands and widows gossiped. Parents led restless children by the arm.
8:05 P.M.
(2 hr. 55 min. till the party)
A man and a woman eased through this crowded congregation and strolled down the sidewalk. The pair held hands, neither thinking much of it. They both wore heavy coats, the lady in a fur hat and the gentleman in a smart-looking fedora, their cheeks blushing in the cold. Most pedestrians hustled past, leaning into the wind, but the two weren't in a hurry. The lady, society darling Julie Madison, pressed closer to her beau and laid her head on his shoulder. She had a button nose and brown curly hair that was almost red tucked under her hat. The man, Bruce Wayne, scion of the illustrious Wayne clan, smiled and said nothing. Julie liked to think he had classically strong features, though his nose was a tad crooked, and she could tell he wore makeup some nights which was fussy for a man if she was being honest. Sure, he had a wrinkle or two or six, but he didn't look that old. She liked him anyway.
Julie was able to see him so clearly in the night due to the million glowing decorations festooning every eave and window. The sun had set hours ago, but the street was almost as bright as midday. Gotham City had a reputation as a dark, somber place where the only colors were neon signs and oil drum fires. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, Gotham celebrated its holidays with more pomp than a carnival, and no holiday put Gotham in the festive spirit like Christmas. The world bloomed red and green and gold.
Julie listened to Bruce whistle the organ's closing melody. She said, "I admit, I'm surprised you showed up."
"I'm surprised you asked."
"I'm surprised I bothered. You took forever accepting my invitation to the party later."
He smiled down at her. "It's my sneaky plan to spend more time with you." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Don't tell anyone."
"That's sweet. Really though, what's even more surprising is that you knew all the hymns, all the responses. I've never seen a guest follow the Mass so well."
"I actually mumbled and hoped no one would notice the difference."
"Bruce."
"I'm a very convincing mumbler."
"Bruce!"
"It's nothing, Julie."
"Why didn't you tell me you were Catholic?"
He sighed and looked towards the sky. "I'm not. Sort of. It's complicated."
She giggled. "You never struck me as the complicated sort."
"That's because I never told you about my secret double life. You wouldn't believe how intriguing I am."
"No changing the subject, mister. What's this complication of yours?"
"You have to understand, I don't tell this story very often. Or, to be candid, ever."
"My lips are sealed." She zipped her mouth and pretended to toss a key over her shoulder.
"You're lucky I can't say no to you."
"Aww."
Bruce paused to gather his thoughts. "The Kanes, my mother's family, were Catholic. Or still are, I suppose; I do still have a cousin on that side, but we don't talk."
"What about your dad? I heard the Waynes were super-duper Presbyterian."
He shrugged. "The Waynes were Scottish Calvinists, and, yes, joined the Presbyterian church when they came to America. I don't know about 'super-duper', but my family did produce a few ministers. One of them even built his own chapel in Blüdhaven about a century ago." Bruce chuckled. "He said he wanted to be a missionary in the wilderness."
"Ever visit the chapel?"
"These days it's a casino."
She rolled her eyes. "Blüdhaven."
He nodded and continued. "My father was Presbyterian too, but he didn't really discuss it with me. I usually went to my mother's church."
"May I ask why?"
"I'm not sure, but I do have a suspicion. My uncle Philip once said that my father made a compromise with the Kanes when he asked for their blessing to marry my mother."
"A compromise. How romantic."
"Apparently, grandfather Kane didn't like the Waynes very much. He and my father haggled, and my uncle believes part of the deal was that my mother could keep the children Catholic."
"So you were raised Catholic."
"I was baptized Catholic." Bruce corrected. "It was a month before my first Holy Communion when ... life became complicated."
"Oh!" Julie covered her mouth. "Bruce dear, I'm sorry. That was thoughtless of me to bring up."
He smiled. "It's fine, Julie. It was twenty years ago. Water under the bridge."
"I can't imagine-"
"And I hope you never do. But look, I have food on the table and a roof over my head, and tonight I'm chatting with a pretty lady. I'd say things turned out alright for me."
"You always keep your spirits up, Bruce Wayne. It's a miracle."
"I'm told it's the season for those."
"What happened then, if it's not too much to ask?"
"Hey, look at the time! I better go change my suit."
"Bruce, the party isn't for three hours. Don't play dumb with me."
"Fine. I lived with my uncle for at time. He had his pious moments, but he was uncomfortable pushing me toward religion one way or the other. He liked to travel, though, and I suppose I lost touch with my old parish."
"I thought the Waynes always stayed in Gotham."
"Not always."
"Didn't you have other relatives or friends around who went to church?"
"I had always attended the Presbyterian church if Wayne relatives were visiting. Come to think of it, I'm not sure they knew I was Catholic. After my parents passed away, my surviving grandparents on both sides were in too much grief to broach the subject. My father did have close friends from his congregation who knew me: solid Presbyterians, leaders of the community. You can imagine the type. And I knew a few of their kids from school. But I sensed an awkwardness there."
Julie frowned. "Did they look down on you?"
Bruce hesitated. "My father was too respected to be openly scandalized for marrying a Catholic, but I've always had the impression his friends saw me as the 'lost Wayne', the poor kid caught by those papists. I guess it would have been rude to try converting me after the fact."
"That seems petty."
"A few made an effort to stay in touch, but most didn't pay much attention to me until I started inheriting things." He gave a wry grin.
"And your mother's friends?"
"We never had guests over from my mother's church."
"That's strange."
Bruce sighed. "Sadly, I don't think it is."
They continued in silence for a minute. She looked across at him. "I hope you're not sour for me bringing up the topic."
"Don't worry about it. The service was ... a chance to reminisce."
"I figured the party isn't until eleven. Not even you work on Christmas Eve, and there's no point in avoiding each other all evening till beforehand."
Bruce smiled and winked. "I'm sure I could have thought of something else for us to do."
Julie signaled for a taxi. "I'm sure you could have. You won't be my Christmas Cinderella now, will you?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Come on, silly. Cinderella? Has a hot date at the ball. Shows up and says hi, but halfway through the night she turns into a pumpkin."
"I don't think that's how the story goes, Julie."
"What?"
"I don't think she turns into a pumpkin."
"But you see the cut of my jib, right?"
"I wasn't aware you had a jib."
"I mean you know I'll be disappointed if you miss out on the party, right? You won't duck out like some flim-flam man."
"Don't worry, I'll be there."
"Because you have a reputation."
"What? Says who? What reputation?"
"Surely you've noticed, Bruce. You can't be that unobservant."
"What if I am?"
"Don't get steamed over it, I'm just sharing what I've heard. People say you tend to disappear on them. We're having such a nice time, I'd hate for it to stop halfway through."
"If you're worried, You could keep an eye on me at your place."
She grinned and slapped him lightly on the chin. "Easy there, Flynn. I have to get changed. You can entertain yourself for a few hours. Just make sure you're there, okay?"
"No problem, I know this one dame who'll take me to see her synagogue."
"Cheeky." A taxi rolled to a stop in front of her. Bruce held the door open, and she stepped into it. She blew him a kiss. "Don't be late."
He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."
The taxi pulled into traffic. As soon as it turned a corner, Bruce Wayne's posture changed. He stood taller and pulled his shoulders back. There was an alley nearby, one so narrow he could stick his arms out and touch both walls. Bruce coolly observed his surroundings and stepped into it, looking over his shoulder until he reached its center. He waited a moment to let his eyes adjust to the dark. Before long, he began to perceive every major feature of the walls up the four stories of the buildings. He had next to no light, but the faint changes in a shadow's texture were as clear to him as a road map. In moments, he discerned a route and started to ascend. First, wall-kicking to a second-story windowsill, then straddle-hopping to the opposite wall to grab the bracket of a drainpipe. He climbed up the drainpipe, reached out to a partly-collapsed fire escape, hopped atop its railing, then jumped and caught the edge of the roof.
Bruce peered over the edge. The rooftop was empty, and he couldn't see anyone watching from neighboring windows. He moved to the other roof and then continued to the next one and on further. Bruce moved briskly, not quite at a run, pushing his pace only when he had to leap. At the end of the block, an elevated track ran parallel to the last roof. He hid behind a smokestack and spied a nearby clock tower.
8:13 P.M.
(2 hr. 47 min. till the party)
Bruce studied its second hand. At thirty-eight seconds before the quarter hour, there was a moderate chugging noise coming around the bend in the track. It was a small train, just a three car coal hauler, the cars not much taller than a man. The city had a dozen of them. Tonight, the little train had a wreath hanging in front of the engine and giant wooden candy canes on each car.
Bruce waited until the engine and the conductor inside it passed his point on the roof. He took a running start and caught the rim of the last car, currently empty of coal. He crossed hand-over-hand around the back of the car until he was hanging over the end of the train. There was a short ladder here. He moved to it and crouched to the bottom rung. Bruce knew that an obscure feature of this particular model of open-top hopper car was that the its container was modified from an earlier, wider model. However, the weld points on the old chassis stayed the same, so a hollow tube was added at the bottom of the container to cover the chassis fully. The top of this tube was a flimsy shell meant to keep out the rain. Its corners could be bent by hand, and these coal trains were inspected about twice a decade.
Bruce popped part of it open and retrieved a drawstring sack. Half a mile later, he jumped to some scaffolding and climbed to another roof. There was a greenhouse here. He slipped inside and opened the bag.
A minute later, Batman stepped out into the night. He tucked the sack under an abandoned pigeon coop then headed north.
He was on a deadline.
---
8:29 P.M.
(2 hr. 31 min. till the party)
Sergeant James Gordon, decidedly not on-duty tonight, sipped a mug of hot cocoa and watched his family sing carols around an old upright piano. The instrument was often off-key, but so were they, and no one seemed to mind. There were many challenges to being a cop in Gotham City, and many benefits that Gordon chose not to take advantage of, but tonight there was one perk he milked for all it was worth: Barbara and Babs and James Jr. could play till dawn, could sing until they were blue in the face, and not a soul in the building would tell him off for making a racket. It was almost like having his own house. Now that was a real pipe dream.
James wore a curious red and orange sweater, far too wide in the collar and shoulders, but tapering to the correct dimensions at the sleeves and waist. It was last year's gift from his daughter, and he loved it all the more as visual evidence for how gosh darn quick a learner she was. The sweater was her first knitting project, and it was obvious she had the knack before she was halfway through. He didn't mind a chilly neck if that was the price for showing off.
The mantle clock rang the half hour, and his wide smile fell to a flat line. With a mustache of Gordon's caliber, this was a change visible across a stadium, but his family was looking the other way. He placed the mug of cocoa on a table and muttered something about stepping outside for a smoke. His wife at the piano nodded without turning her head.
Gordon paced down the hall and slid though the window to the his twelfth floor fire escape, quietly shutting it behind him.
"Nice sweater."
To that day, James Gordon couldn't tell when the Dark Knight was being sarcastic. He pulled at his stretchy collar and nodded. "My daughter made it." He looked up. Batman crouched against the wall of the landing above. It was an inconvenient way to talk, but they took the precaution if Gordon's family might interrupt them.
"So?"
"I got you something."
Sergeant Gordon found that a major obstacle to deducing Batman's identity was the mystery of Batman's finances. The Caped Crusader never seemed to lack equipment, and Gordon knew several instances when Batman had produced hundreds of dollars in cash, but it was unclear if that money was earned, borrowed, donated, inherited, stolen, extorted, or counterfeited. At least he was sure Batman didn't have a normal day job: the guy would've been fired fifty times over.
But whatever the source, Batman had occasionally offered to 'help' Gordon. He "knew a guy" who might offer a generous lease in a safe neighborhood. He could "handle" the kids' dental bills. James trusted his friend with his life, but he couldn't accept the vigilante's generosity. Perhaps that made him a hypocrite. He didn't care. He crossed enough lines, but taking aid for personal gain? When he had no clue where the money came from? That was wrong. Plain and simple.
Gordon crossed his arms. "We've talked about this."
"I know. Here."
A gloved hand appeared through the grille above him. James reached up and took a small, dense package in brown paper.
"Do I open it now or wait for tomorrow?"
"Does it matter?"
James chuckled mirthlessly. He tore open the paper, and his eyes opened wide. It was a beautiful tobacco pipe, bent apple shape, polished to a sheen.
"Wow."
"Hope that doesn't endanger your moral propriety."
James tasted the pipe. Briar wood. It felt good in his mouth. "You know, I think I'll live. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Now I feel awful I didn't get anything for you."
"All I want is information."
"Don't have much to offer. I gave the cold case files one last shot tonight."
"They classified it as a cold case?"
"They don't know what to do with it. How do you describe a bandit who only hits once a year?"
"Living on borrowed time."
"Three years running – this would be the fourth if he strikes again – same night, same part of town, eight stores a night, all missing as much loot as a man could carry in both arms, but never a single witness. We don't even know if it's the same perp."
"It is."
"You're sure?"
"Gut feeling. Find anything?"
"A moniker, as if that helps. Most of the papers haven't connected all the sprees, guess it's too random, except last time some second-stringer at the Burnside Free Chronicle ran a piece putting the three years together and calling him the Yuletide Thief."
"Catchy."
"Yeah, Yuletide Thief – bane of the Innsmouth Commercial District. Of course, the Chronicle is, what, the city's sixth biggest paper?"
"Seventh by circulation. Ninth by revenue."
"Small potatoes. Point is, the name didn't catch. But if he hits again, it's going to get a lot more attention."
Batman had heard enough small talk. "Did they set the sting?"
Gordon chewed on the end of the pipe for a moment. That answered it, but he responded anyway. "No."
Batman grunted, unhappy but not surprised. After failing to stop two massive heists in the same area exactly a year apart, one might have expected Gotham's finest to recognize the pattern and patrol that area extra well on that day the next year. Clearly they hadn't tried hard enough as they failed to stop the third heist. Batman had expected this humiliation would motivate the GCPD to buckle down and catch the Yuletide Thief this fourth Christmas Eve. He knew the Department could be relentless when the higher-ups felt insulted, and this circus of failure made everyone look bad. They would saturate the streets with plainclothes officers until a mouse couldn't slip though.
Except, now they wouldn't.
Batman suspected the reason, but he still asked, "Why?"
Gordon grimaced and spit. "Tojo."
Only weeks ago – it seemed a lifetime – Imperial Japanese warplanes had attacked the Pearl Harbor Naval Station in Hawaii. This led to predictable changes in law enforcement priorities. More cops watched factories and shipyards. The coastal patrol had tripled. New teams hassled immigrants and spied on political clubs. With the new demands, it was hard to justify an operation to protect a few department stores.
If that wasn't enough, the declaration of war caused a bigger problem. After Pearl Harbor, recruitment stations popped up almost overnight, and still lines ran around the corner for days. It seemed every boy in the city had enlisted. Eventually, the mania ebbed, then everyone took a collective breath and realized the implications. Their sons were going to war. This would be their last Christmas before boot camp. Possibly their last, period.
Gordon elaborated on the slim chance Batman hadn't gleaned the consequences. "Y'see, a lot of young guys have signed up to fight. Others are worried they'll be drafted."
"Police are exempt from the draft."
"We said that. Some don't believe us. Frankly, I don't blame them. War goes south and draft boards get itchy."
"And they want to spend tonight at home."
"Listen, Christmas Eve is never a popular shift, but this year we've had the fewest overtime requests in living memory. Everyone who can pull strings is off tonight, myself included."
Batman didn't say anything. No one deserved it more.
"And a lot of guys who can't pull strings are going to have whooping cough or car trouble or some other damned thing, you just watch."
"How bad is it?"
"Innsmouth has eighteen officers on foot and four squad cars tonight."
"Worse than last year."
Gordon shrugged. "I dropped a hint to a friend in their larceny squad to focus on Timm Street and Conroy Square. Made up some hooey about an anonymous tip. Figure decent odds he'll pass the message along.
"Good."
If most of the eighteen officers stayed together, they could cover a third of Innsmouth with the concentration it took to catch a skilled thief. This was an example of a new strategy Batman and Sergeant Gordon had been testing since Gordon's promotion: let the cops concentrate in one spot so Batman could work unopposed elsewhere. Divide and conquer. On the other hand, searching two-thirds of Innsmouth meant Batman had to do the work of thirty officers virtually alone.
Gordon slipped the pipe into a pocket. "That's all I know. Anything else?"
"Certain you won't join me?"
"Hear the music in there?" Gordon tugged proudly at his sweater. "Wild horses couldn't drag me away. You understand."
There was no answer. He looked up. The landing above him was empty. Gordon turned back to his apartment. "Of course." He was stepping through the window when a voice nearby said, "Merry Christmas, Jim."
Gordon jumped and nearly smacked his head on the window frame. "What!?" He stared back and forth, but there was no one around.
---
Innsmouth was an ancient town, almost as old as Gotham City herself. The town clung to a tiny, nameless peninsula at the edge of Gotham Bay and had changed little in its first several hundred years. It was a cluster of rotted wharves whose fortunes hung on the next whaling expedition long after the whaling ended. Innsmouth never really had a golden age, but the last new business probably moved in around the Battle of Gettysburg, and the town only grew more isolated and stagnant. Then Innsmouth suffered a great catastrophe in the 1920s. The details of the disaster had never been well-known, but half the residents ended up in prison, a sanitarium, or the morgue. The dying town was finally dead.
Innsmouth was reborn when Gotham City, which had long surrounded it at a safe distance, absorbed it as a new city municipality by act of the state legislature. Thanks to a quirk of Jazz Age economics, its colonial architecture and dirt-cheap rent brought in bohemians and antiquers. These new residents attracted a wave of quaint curiosity shops catering to the rare sort of people who had money to burn in quaint curiosity shops. Luxury retailers and full-sized department stores followed. In a sense, it was a shining American success story: take a decrepit, backwards husk of a village that suffered an unexplained disaster, add migrants and capitalism and bake for a decade, and the result was a world-class shopping district. And all that progress despite the Great Depression and the location's utter gloom.
Innsmouth's one season without gloom was, bizarrely, winter. Preserved from the march of time like an insect in amber, it was one of the few places in America with enough old buildings, old roads, old signs, old traditions, and old people to resemble that sort of rustic Northern European hamlet which the cultural consensus recognized as the proper site for a winter wonderland. Streets were cobblestone, the buildings were timber, and there were candles in the windows. Spruced up like a gingerbread village, it made the perfect Christmas shopping center. Few mansions could match the decorations of an Innsmouth gas station on Christmas.
9:20 P.M.
(1 hr. 40 min. till the party)
Batman arrived on the subway (that is to say, hanging in the wheelbase under a subway car). Innsmouth was miles from downtown, arguably another point in its favor, and was the last stop on its line. Batman made it to the top of a nearby water tower and studied the streets. If he had to pick any night of the year to commit a crime, this might be it. As Gordon admitted, Christmas Eve had a weak police presence, and many would be busy stopping domestic feuds and booking drunks. Plus, as irresponsible as the GCPD could be on December 24th, private security firms were worse. Batman could only guess how many factories and warehouses and shops and offices – untold millions in potential stolen goods - were completely unsupervised tonight. He wondered why more criminals didn't take advantage of the mess.
As usual, Batman was in the middle of other, more dangerous cases. He couldn't ignore this once-a-year opportunity, but he also hadn't found time to investigate it beforehand; he only knew what the police knew. He recalled their notes. Innsmouth had ninety-seven luxury retailers dealing everything from toys to wedding rings. In the past three years, twenty-four of them had reported losing merchandise and cash boxes on a Christmas Eve. Eight a night. That was extraordinary. Only the most reckless thief robbed more than two or three targets in an evening. Snowstorms on two of the past years made a car implausible, so the whole caper was pulled on foot. The simple logistics of one person moving and hiding stolen goods between that many targets on foot was formidable. And if it was a gang, the lack of witness reports was next to impossible. Groups did not hide that well.
That was especially important given the most astonishing detail, most of the stores were robbed while they were open. Batman rubbed his chin. If, indeed, the Yuletide Thief didn't repeat the same targets, that left seventy-three stores to hit. When mapped, the three earlier clusters had hardly overlapped, implying the Thief sensibly preyed on a different area each year. If one looked at a map and omitted a two block circle around prior targets, as Batman had, it left a mere thirty-one possibilities. After removing the neighborhoods the police would occupy, that left nineteen.
Nineteen stores. He pulled the list from a belt pouch. Now, what drew the perpetrator to the original targets? The cops hadn't figured it out in three years, he doubted even he could find the answer in an evening by pondering it. He had to investigate. Batman leaped from the water tower into the night.
---
10:02 P.M.
(58 min. till the party)
The Dark Knight raced down an alley. A large figure ahead was fleeing through the shadows, knocking over trashcans and other debris, but Batman dodged these with animal grace and tightened his pursuit. The figure was carrying a large bag, but he was deceptively fit, and desperation gave him an impressive sprint. Clearly the man knew the way, turning nimbly at the endless splits in the path to shake the Dark Knight's tail. It was a fierce effort, but not enough. Batman inched closer with every move. Finally, they reached a long narrow run with nowhere to turn or hide. Batman pressed the advantage, flying over the muddy stones with his cape trailing behind him. The big man stopped and spun, swinging his bag with a mighty heave, but Batman wasn't there.
Only steps away, the Dark Knight hopped sideways at the wall, kicked away to the other wall, then wall-kicked again, reaching such a height that his shins impacted the runner's head, knocking them both to the ground. They flopped and rolled several yards. Batman was on his feet in a moment and stood over his prey.
Looming demonically, he looked down and appreciated the supine face framed by a stripe of moonlight.
"Hello, Santa Claus."
Enjoy.
---
Batman 1939: A Very Special Batman Christmas
Part 1 of 2
December 24th, 1941.
Gotham City.
St. Jude's Cathedral was the largest church in the New World, its tallest building for twenty years, and it served more worshipers each week than all but six parishes on Earth. This surprised strangers. It even surprised the Vatican. Simply put, Gotham City wasn't known for its piety. But that reputation was undeserved. If Gotham did one thing well, it was produce bold personalities - artists and scientists and entrepreneurs, but that boldness was just as fierce in its missionaries and mystics and saints. St. Jude's wasn't the marble titan of Gotham's skyline because of a mandatory tithe or a club of wealthy patrons. It was built on the backs and the wallets of the city's teeming Catholic poor. A generation that had just bled to win the Civil War for the Union, a generation that had every reason to focus on their material needs and practice their faith quietly. Indeed, the Protestant establishment put up endless roadblocks; even decades later some liked to snipe that the effort would have been better spent on soup kitchens. In fairness, while the project's perseverance was heroic, perhaps its success was inevitable. If not for divine will, then because Gotham City loved nothing more than oversized buildings and Gothic architecture, and none surpassed St. Jude's.
That night, the Cathedral's heavy mahogany doors of swung outward with the slow pace of ceremony. Thirty-bell carillons tolled from its famous towers. St. Jude's massive pipe organ was only a muffled hum outside. Its joyous closing melody ushered a stream of parishioners through the doors and into the chill of the evening. They shuffled through the crisp air like figures in a silent film, shrugging into coats and tossing scarves over their shoulders. Priests shook hands and widows gossiped. Parents led restless children by the arm.
8:05 P.M.
(2 hr. 55 min. till the party)
A man and a woman eased through this crowded congregation and strolled down the sidewalk. The pair held hands, neither thinking much of it. They both wore heavy coats, the lady in a fur hat and the gentleman in a smart-looking fedora, their cheeks blushing in the cold. Most pedestrians hustled past, leaning into the wind, but the two weren't in a hurry. The lady, society darling Julie Madison, pressed closer to her beau and laid her head on his shoulder. She had a button nose and brown curly hair that was almost red tucked under her hat. The man, Bruce Wayne, scion of the illustrious Wayne clan, smiled and said nothing. Julie liked to think he had classically strong features, though his nose was a tad crooked, and she could tell he wore makeup some nights which was fussy for a man if she was being honest. Sure, he had a wrinkle or two or six, but he didn't look that old. She liked him anyway.
Julie was able to see him so clearly in the night due to the million glowing decorations festooning every eave and window. The sun had set hours ago, but the street was almost as bright as midday. Gotham City had a reputation as a dark, somber place where the only colors were neon signs and oil drum fires. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, Gotham celebrated its holidays with more pomp than a carnival, and no holiday put Gotham in the festive spirit like Christmas. The world bloomed red and green and gold.
Julie listened to Bruce whistle the organ's closing melody. She said, "I admit, I'm surprised you showed up."
"I'm surprised you asked."
"I'm surprised I bothered. You took forever accepting my invitation to the party later."
He smiled down at her. "It's my sneaky plan to spend more time with you." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Don't tell anyone."
"That's sweet. Really though, what's even more surprising is that you knew all the hymns, all the responses. I've never seen a guest follow the Mass so well."
"I actually mumbled and hoped no one would notice the difference."
"Bruce."
"I'm a very convincing mumbler."
"Bruce!"
"It's nothing, Julie."
"Why didn't you tell me you were Catholic?"
He sighed and looked towards the sky. "I'm not. Sort of. It's complicated."
She giggled. "You never struck me as the complicated sort."
"That's because I never told you about my secret double life. You wouldn't believe how intriguing I am."
"No changing the subject, mister. What's this complication of yours?"
"You have to understand, I don't tell this story very often. Or, to be candid, ever."
"My lips are sealed." She zipped her mouth and pretended to toss a key over her shoulder.
"You're lucky I can't say no to you."
"Aww."
Bruce paused to gather his thoughts. "The Kanes, my mother's family, were Catholic. Or still are, I suppose; I do still have a cousin on that side, but we don't talk."
"What about your dad? I heard the Waynes were super-duper Presbyterian."
He shrugged. "The Waynes were Scottish Calvinists, and, yes, joined the Presbyterian church when they came to America. I don't know about 'super-duper', but my family did produce a few ministers. One of them even built his own chapel in Blüdhaven about a century ago." Bruce chuckled. "He said he wanted to be a missionary in the wilderness."
"Ever visit the chapel?"
"These days it's a casino."
She rolled her eyes. "Blüdhaven."
He nodded and continued. "My father was Presbyterian too, but he didn't really discuss it with me. I usually went to my mother's church."
"May I ask why?"
"I'm not sure, but I do have a suspicion. My uncle Philip once said that my father made a compromise with the Kanes when he asked for their blessing to marry my mother."
"A compromise. How romantic."
"Apparently, grandfather Kane didn't like the Waynes very much. He and my father haggled, and my uncle believes part of the deal was that my mother could keep the children Catholic."
"So you were raised Catholic."
"I was baptized Catholic." Bruce corrected. "It was a month before my first Holy Communion when ... life became complicated."
"Oh!" Julie covered her mouth. "Bruce dear, I'm sorry. That was thoughtless of me to bring up."
He smiled. "It's fine, Julie. It was twenty years ago. Water under the bridge."
"I can't imagine-"
"And I hope you never do. But look, I have food on the table and a roof over my head, and tonight I'm chatting with a pretty lady. I'd say things turned out alright for me."
"You always keep your spirits up, Bruce Wayne. It's a miracle."
"I'm told it's the season for those."
"What happened then, if it's not too much to ask?"
"Hey, look at the time! I better go change my suit."
"Bruce, the party isn't for three hours. Don't play dumb with me."
"Fine. I lived with my uncle for at time. He had his pious moments, but he was uncomfortable pushing me toward religion one way or the other. He liked to travel, though, and I suppose I lost touch with my old parish."
"I thought the Waynes always stayed in Gotham."
"Not always."
"Didn't you have other relatives or friends around who went to church?"
"I had always attended the Presbyterian church if Wayne relatives were visiting. Come to think of it, I'm not sure they knew I was Catholic. After my parents passed away, my surviving grandparents on both sides were in too much grief to broach the subject. My father did have close friends from his congregation who knew me: solid Presbyterians, leaders of the community. You can imagine the type. And I knew a few of their kids from school. But I sensed an awkwardness there."
Julie frowned. "Did they look down on you?"
Bruce hesitated. "My father was too respected to be openly scandalized for marrying a Catholic, but I've always had the impression his friends saw me as the 'lost Wayne', the poor kid caught by those papists. I guess it would have been rude to try converting me after the fact."
"That seems petty."
"A few made an effort to stay in touch, but most didn't pay much attention to me until I started inheriting things." He gave a wry grin.
"And your mother's friends?"
"We never had guests over from my mother's church."
"That's strange."
Bruce sighed. "Sadly, I don't think it is."
They continued in silence for a minute. She looked across at him. "I hope you're not sour for me bringing up the topic."
"Don't worry about it. The service was ... a chance to reminisce."
"I figured the party isn't until eleven. Not even you work on Christmas Eve, and there's no point in avoiding each other all evening till beforehand."
Bruce smiled and winked. "I'm sure I could have thought of something else for us to do."
Julie signaled for a taxi. "I'm sure you could have. You won't be my Christmas Cinderella now, will you?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Come on, silly. Cinderella? Has a hot date at the ball. Shows up and says hi, but halfway through the night she turns into a pumpkin."
"I don't think that's how the story goes, Julie."
"What?"
"I don't think she turns into a pumpkin."
"But you see the cut of my jib, right?"
"I wasn't aware you had a jib."
"I mean you know I'll be disappointed if you miss out on the party, right? You won't duck out like some flim-flam man."
"Don't worry, I'll be there."
"Because you have a reputation."
"What? Says who? What reputation?"
"Surely you've noticed, Bruce. You can't be that unobservant."
"What if I am?"
"Don't get steamed over it, I'm just sharing what I've heard. People say you tend to disappear on them. We're having such a nice time, I'd hate for it to stop halfway through."
"If you're worried, You could keep an eye on me at your place."
She grinned and slapped him lightly on the chin. "Easy there, Flynn. I have to get changed. You can entertain yourself for a few hours. Just make sure you're there, okay?"
"No problem, I know this one dame who'll take me to see her synagogue."
"Cheeky." A taxi rolled to a stop in front of her. Bruce held the door open, and she stepped into it. She blew him a kiss. "Don't be late."
He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."
The taxi pulled into traffic. As soon as it turned a corner, Bruce Wayne's posture changed. He stood taller and pulled his shoulders back. There was an alley nearby, one so narrow he could stick his arms out and touch both walls. Bruce coolly observed his surroundings and stepped into it, looking over his shoulder until he reached its center. He waited a moment to let his eyes adjust to the dark. Before long, he began to perceive every major feature of the walls up the four stories of the buildings. He had next to no light, but the faint changes in a shadow's texture were as clear to him as a road map. In moments, he discerned a route and started to ascend. First, wall-kicking to a second-story windowsill, then straddle-hopping to the opposite wall to grab the bracket of a drainpipe. He climbed up the drainpipe, reached out to a partly-collapsed fire escape, hopped atop its railing, then jumped and caught the edge of the roof.
Bruce peered over the edge. The rooftop was empty, and he couldn't see anyone watching from neighboring windows. He moved to the other roof and then continued to the next one and on further. Bruce moved briskly, not quite at a run, pushing his pace only when he had to leap. At the end of the block, an elevated track ran parallel to the last roof. He hid behind a smokestack and spied a nearby clock tower.
8:13 P.M.
(2 hr. 47 min. till the party)
Bruce studied its second hand. At thirty-eight seconds before the quarter hour, there was a moderate chugging noise coming around the bend in the track. It was a small train, just a three car coal hauler, the cars not much taller than a man. The city had a dozen of them. Tonight, the little train had a wreath hanging in front of the engine and giant wooden candy canes on each car.
Bruce waited until the engine and the conductor inside it passed his point on the roof. He took a running start and caught the rim of the last car, currently empty of coal. He crossed hand-over-hand around the back of the car until he was hanging over the end of the train. There was a short ladder here. He moved to it and crouched to the bottom rung. Bruce knew that an obscure feature of this particular model of open-top hopper car was that the its container was modified from an earlier, wider model. However, the weld points on the old chassis stayed the same, so a hollow tube was added at the bottom of the container to cover the chassis fully. The top of this tube was a flimsy shell meant to keep out the rain. Its corners could be bent by hand, and these coal trains were inspected about twice a decade.
Bruce popped part of it open and retrieved a drawstring sack. Half a mile later, he jumped to some scaffolding and climbed to another roof. There was a greenhouse here. He slipped inside and opened the bag.
A minute later, Batman stepped out into the night. He tucked the sack under an abandoned pigeon coop then headed north.
He was on a deadline.
---
8:29 P.M.
(2 hr. 31 min. till the party)
Sergeant James Gordon, decidedly not on-duty tonight, sipped a mug of hot cocoa and watched his family sing carols around an old upright piano. The instrument was often off-key, but so were they, and no one seemed to mind. There were many challenges to being a cop in Gotham City, and many benefits that Gordon chose not to take advantage of, but tonight there was one perk he milked for all it was worth: Barbara and Babs and James Jr. could play till dawn, could sing until they were blue in the face, and not a soul in the building would tell him off for making a racket. It was almost like having his own house. Now that was a real pipe dream.
James wore a curious red and orange sweater, far too wide in the collar and shoulders, but tapering to the correct dimensions at the sleeves and waist. It was last year's gift from his daughter, and he loved it all the more as visual evidence for how gosh darn quick a learner she was. The sweater was her first knitting project, and it was obvious she had the knack before she was halfway through. He didn't mind a chilly neck if that was the price for showing off.
The mantle clock rang the half hour, and his wide smile fell to a flat line. With a mustache of Gordon's caliber, this was a change visible across a stadium, but his family was looking the other way. He placed the mug of cocoa on a table and muttered something about stepping outside for a smoke. His wife at the piano nodded without turning her head.
Gordon paced down the hall and slid though the window to the his twelfth floor fire escape, quietly shutting it behind him.
"Nice sweater."
To that day, James Gordon couldn't tell when the Dark Knight was being sarcastic. He pulled at his stretchy collar and nodded. "My daughter made it." He looked up. Batman crouched against the wall of the landing above. It was an inconvenient way to talk, but they took the precaution if Gordon's family might interrupt them.
"So?"
"I got you something."
Sergeant Gordon found that a major obstacle to deducing Batman's identity was the mystery of Batman's finances. The Caped Crusader never seemed to lack equipment, and Gordon knew several instances when Batman had produced hundreds of dollars in cash, but it was unclear if that money was earned, borrowed, donated, inherited, stolen, extorted, or counterfeited. At least he was sure Batman didn't have a normal day job: the guy would've been fired fifty times over.
But whatever the source, Batman had occasionally offered to 'help' Gordon. He "knew a guy" who might offer a generous lease in a safe neighborhood. He could "handle" the kids' dental bills. James trusted his friend with his life, but he couldn't accept the vigilante's generosity. Perhaps that made him a hypocrite. He didn't care. He crossed enough lines, but taking aid for personal gain? When he had no clue where the money came from? That was wrong. Plain and simple.
Gordon crossed his arms. "We've talked about this."
"I know. Here."
A gloved hand appeared through the grille above him. James reached up and took a small, dense package in brown paper.
"Do I open it now or wait for tomorrow?"
"Does it matter?"
James chuckled mirthlessly. He tore open the paper, and his eyes opened wide. It was a beautiful tobacco pipe, bent apple shape, polished to a sheen.
"Wow."
"Hope that doesn't endanger your moral propriety."
James tasted the pipe. Briar wood. It felt good in his mouth. "You know, I think I'll live. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"Now I feel awful I didn't get anything for you."
"All I want is information."
"Don't have much to offer. I gave the cold case files one last shot tonight."
"They classified it as a cold case?"
"They don't know what to do with it. How do you describe a bandit who only hits once a year?"
"Living on borrowed time."
"Three years running – this would be the fourth if he strikes again – same night, same part of town, eight stores a night, all missing as much loot as a man could carry in both arms, but never a single witness. We don't even know if it's the same perp."
"It is."
"You're sure?"
"Gut feeling. Find anything?"
"A moniker, as if that helps. Most of the papers haven't connected all the sprees, guess it's too random, except last time some second-stringer at the Burnside Free Chronicle ran a piece putting the three years together and calling him the Yuletide Thief."
"Catchy."
"Yeah, Yuletide Thief – bane of the Innsmouth Commercial District. Of course, the Chronicle is, what, the city's sixth biggest paper?"
"Seventh by circulation. Ninth by revenue."
"Small potatoes. Point is, the name didn't catch. But if he hits again, it's going to get a lot more attention."
Batman had heard enough small talk. "Did they set the sting?"
Gordon chewed on the end of the pipe for a moment. That answered it, but he responded anyway. "No."
Batman grunted, unhappy but not surprised. After failing to stop two massive heists in the same area exactly a year apart, one might have expected Gotham's finest to recognize the pattern and patrol that area extra well on that day the next year. Clearly they hadn't tried hard enough as they failed to stop the third heist. Batman had expected this humiliation would motivate the GCPD to buckle down and catch the Yuletide Thief this fourth Christmas Eve. He knew the Department could be relentless when the higher-ups felt insulted, and this circus of failure made everyone look bad. They would saturate the streets with plainclothes officers until a mouse couldn't slip though.
Except, now they wouldn't.
Batman suspected the reason, but he still asked, "Why?"
Gordon grimaced and spit. "Tojo."
Only weeks ago – it seemed a lifetime – Imperial Japanese warplanes had attacked the Pearl Harbor Naval Station in Hawaii. This led to predictable changes in law enforcement priorities. More cops watched factories and shipyards. The coastal patrol had tripled. New teams hassled immigrants and spied on political clubs. With the new demands, it was hard to justify an operation to protect a few department stores.
If that wasn't enough, the declaration of war caused a bigger problem. After Pearl Harbor, recruitment stations popped up almost overnight, and still lines ran around the corner for days. It seemed every boy in the city had enlisted. Eventually, the mania ebbed, then everyone took a collective breath and realized the implications. Their sons were going to war. This would be their last Christmas before boot camp. Possibly their last, period.
Gordon elaborated on the slim chance Batman hadn't gleaned the consequences. "Y'see, a lot of young guys have signed up to fight. Others are worried they'll be drafted."
"Police are exempt from the draft."
"We said that. Some don't believe us. Frankly, I don't blame them. War goes south and draft boards get itchy."
"And they want to spend tonight at home."
"Listen, Christmas Eve is never a popular shift, but this year we've had the fewest overtime requests in living memory. Everyone who can pull strings is off tonight, myself included."
Batman didn't say anything. No one deserved it more.
"And a lot of guys who can't pull strings are going to have whooping cough or car trouble or some other damned thing, you just watch."
"How bad is it?"
"Innsmouth has eighteen officers on foot and four squad cars tonight."
"Worse than last year."
Gordon shrugged. "I dropped a hint to a friend in their larceny squad to focus on Timm Street and Conroy Square. Made up some hooey about an anonymous tip. Figure decent odds he'll pass the message along.
"Good."
If most of the eighteen officers stayed together, they could cover a third of Innsmouth with the concentration it took to catch a skilled thief. This was an example of a new strategy Batman and Sergeant Gordon had been testing since Gordon's promotion: let the cops concentrate in one spot so Batman could work unopposed elsewhere. Divide and conquer. On the other hand, searching two-thirds of Innsmouth meant Batman had to do the work of thirty officers virtually alone.
Gordon slipped the pipe into a pocket. "That's all I know. Anything else?"
"Certain you won't join me?"
"Hear the music in there?" Gordon tugged proudly at his sweater. "Wild horses couldn't drag me away. You understand."
There was no answer. He looked up. The landing above him was empty. Gordon turned back to his apartment. "Of course." He was stepping through the window when a voice nearby said, "Merry Christmas, Jim."
Gordon jumped and nearly smacked his head on the window frame. "What!?" He stared back and forth, but there was no one around.
---
Innsmouth was an ancient town, almost as old as Gotham City herself. The town clung to a tiny, nameless peninsula at the edge of Gotham Bay and had changed little in its first several hundred years. It was a cluster of rotted wharves whose fortunes hung on the next whaling expedition long after the whaling ended. Innsmouth never really had a golden age, but the last new business probably moved in around the Battle of Gettysburg, and the town only grew more isolated and stagnant. Then Innsmouth suffered a great catastrophe in the 1920s. The details of the disaster had never been well-known, but half the residents ended up in prison, a sanitarium, or the morgue. The dying town was finally dead.
Innsmouth was reborn when Gotham City, which had long surrounded it at a safe distance, absorbed it as a new city municipality by act of the state legislature. Thanks to a quirk of Jazz Age economics, its colonial architecture and dirt-cheap rent brought in bohemians and antiquers. These new residents attracted a wave of quaint curiosity shops catering to the rare sort of people who had money to burn in quaint curiosity shops. Luxury retailers and full-sized department stores followed. In a sense, it was a shining American success story: take a decrepit, backwards husk of a village that suffered an unexplained disaster, add migrants and capitalism and bake for a decade, and the result was a world-class shopping district. And all that progress despite the Great Depression and the location's utter gloom.
Innsmouth's one season without gloom was, bizarrely, winter. Preserved from the march of time like an insect in amber, it was one of the few places in America with enough old buildings, old roads, old signs, old traditions, and old people to resemble that sort of rustic Northern European hamlet which the cultural consensus recognized as the proper site for a winter wonderland. Streets were cobblestone, the buildings were timber, and there were candles in the windows. Spruced up like a gingerbread village, it made the perfect Christmas shopping center. Few mansions could match the decorations of an Innsmouth gas station on Christmas.
9:20 P.M.
(1 hr. 40 min. till the party)
Batman arrived on the subway (that is to say, hanging in the wheelbase under a subway car). Innsmouth was miles from downtown, arguably another point in its favor, and was the last stop on its line. Batman made it to the top of a nearby water tower and studied the streets. If he had to pick any night of the year to commit a crime, this might be it. As Gordon admitted, Christmas Eve had a weak police presence, and many would be busy stopping domestic feuds and booking drunks. Plus, as irresponsible as the GCPD could be on December 24th, private security firms were worse. Batman could only guess how many factories and warehouses and shops and offices – untold millions in potential stolen goods - were completely unsupervised tonight. He wondered why more criminals didn't take advantage of the mess.
As usual, Batman was in the middle of other, more dangerous cases. He couldn't ignore this once-a-year opportunity, but he also hadn't found time to investigate it beforehand; he only knew what the police knew. He recalled their notes. Innsmouth had ninety-seven luxury retailers dealing everything from toys to wedding rings. In the past three years, twenty-four of them had reported losing merchandise and cash boxes on a Christmas Eve. Eight a night. That was extraordinary. Only the most reckless thief robbed more than two or three targets in an evening. Snowstorms on two of the past years made a car implausible, so the whole caper was pulled on foot. The simple logistics of one person moving and hiding stolen goods between that many targets on foot was formidable. And if it was a gang, the lack of witness reports was next to impossible. Groups did not hide that well.
That was especially important given the most astonishing detail, most of the stores were robbed while they were open. Batman rubbed his chin. If, indeed, the Yuletide Thief didn't repeat the same targets, that left seventy-three stores to hit. When mapped, the three earlier clusters had hardly overlapped, implying the Thief sensibly preyed on a different area each year. If one looked at a map and omitted a two block circle around prior targets, as Batman had, it left a mere thirty-one possibilities. After removing the neighborhoods the police would occupy, that left nineteen.
Nineteen stores. He pulled the list from a belt pouch. Now, what drew the perpetrator to the original targets? The cops hadn't figured it out in three years, he doubted even he could find the answer in an evening by pondering it. He had to investigate. Batman leaped from the water tower into the night.
---
10:02 P.M.
(58 min. till the party)
The Dark Knight raced down an alley. A large figure ahead was fleeing through the shadows, knocking over trashcans and other debris, but Batman dodged these with animal grace and tightened his pursuit. The figure was carrying a large bag, but he was deceptively fit, and desperation gave him an impressive sprint. Clearly the man knew the way, turning nimbly at the endless splits in the path to shake the Dark Knight's tail. It was a fierce effort, but not enough. Batman inched closer with every move. Finally, they reached a long narrow run with nowhere to turn or hide. Batman pressed the advantage, flying over the muddy stones with his cape trailing behind him. The big man stopped and spun, swinging his bag with a mighty heave, but Batman wasn't there.
Only steps away, the Dark Knight hopped sideways at the wall, kicked away to the other wall, then wall-kicked again, reaching such a height that his shins impacted the runner's head, knocking them both to the ground. They flopped and rolled several yards. Batman was on his feet in a moment and stood over his prey.
Looming demonically, he looked down and appreciated the supine face framed by a stripe of moonlight.
"Hello, Santa Claus."