funniest

[Jason von Evil]

What's the funniest thing you've read in a fanfic?

And Flash went down and out courtesy of The Big Mace From Hell owned by Hawkgirl.
Meanwhile, Superman was up on the Karaoke stand. Martian Manhunter was next to him, looking irritated. They were singing the ever popular song, "Who let the dogs out." Superman was really into it, singing all of the lyrics like he wrote the song, but J'onn never broke a monotone.

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?!?!"

"Who. Who. Who. Who."

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?!?!?!"

"Who. Who. Who. Who indeed."

A cry from the audience rang out, "THE GREEN GUY IS HOT!!!"

The odd thing is, I could actually imagine Supes and J'onn singing karioke.

[Shinova]

"Shinji-bear!!"

by Rei, from an evangelion fanfic with a title I can't recall right now. Rei is drunk at the moment and hitting on Shiji.

[Shinova]

Ah yes, I finally refound the funniest B5 fanfic I've ever read. Here are some quotes from this rare jewel:

Outside the Star Furies are beamed into the Borg Vessel. The Pilots sit there looking scared when the Borg Collective speaks: "Your resistance is hopeless. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. If you do not cooperate we will destroy your ships."
The pilots talk to each other, basically asking things like "huh?" Borg Drones stomp up towards the Star Furies. A Borg is about to take off the forward screen; but the pilot fires the lasers, blowing the Borg through a wall. Other pilots do the same, and then take off and fly for the wall of the Borg Cube. The Star Fury pilots try to break out by unloading all the weapons into the wall, but it doesn't even crack.
Pilot 1: uh, what do we do man!? WHAT DO WE DO!?!?
Pilot 2: I don't know man!! I DON'T KNOW!!!
Pilot 3: Chill out! Sheridan will get us out, and if not him, then Ivanova.
Pilot 2: Oh good, our fate lies in the hands of the world's crankiest Russian!

Narn Borg Drone: (grabs a Centari) MUST KILL!! (raises hand with sharp spinning things) NO!! ..must assimilate.. (raises hand with injection tubules) kill..(hand with sharp spinning things) ..no, assimilate..(hand with tubules)--back and forth for a little while; then "Ah what the heck? (assimilates one Centari and kills another)

Ivanova finishes loading the missile in when a Borg tries to grab her. She jumps out of the way and dodges another Borg.
Ivanova: uhm.. nice Borg? Good Borg?
Borg Collective: Good is irrelevant. Nice is irrelevant. And before you ask all other adjectives are also irrelevant.
Ivanova: (backing away from a few drones) I don't mean to pry, but is anything relevant?
Borg Collective: hmmm.. Species 8472, that's about it.
Ivanova: (dodges assimilation tubules) What is species 8472?
Borg Collective: None of your d*mn business, now shut up and be assimilated.

Sheridan: Any plans on how to beat the Borg?
Garibaldi: We blast 'em to bits with this super-cannon.
Sheridan: and if we miss with this cannon?
Garibaldi: We blow a hole in the station 25 feet wide.
Sheridan: Any other way?
Garibaldi: We risk going at them with large swords and knives.
Sheridan: And the Cube?
Garibaldi: ...hmm, Vorlon planet killer'd do it.
Sheridan: Oh, sure we'll just ask Kosh nicely if he'll loan us one!
Garibaldi: It's our only shot, give it a try.....

Sheridan turns around and Kosh is conveniently there.
Sheridan: Kosh, old buddy old pal, there's a huge cube threatening to destroy the station. May we borrow a planet killer.

Kosh: when the writer places the story in the 3rd season, the planet killers have not yet shown up.
Sheridan: D*MN.

A Borg walks up to Kosh and sticks him with the injection tubules, having no visible effect.
Borg: hmmm?
Borg2: are you sure you did it right? Try it again.

The Borg sticks Kosh again, then the 2nd Borg tries it, then a 3rd and a 4th. Kosh attracts a large crowd of Borg taking turns trying to assimilate him.

Borg: stick, stick
Borg2: Are you sure you're doing right?
Borg3: stick, stick yeah, I'm fairly sure...
Kosh: Forever will you be stumped if you refuse to think.
Borg23: do we really want to assimilate this dude?
Borg9: Sure, just look at that encounter suit! It is WICKED!
Borg23: true, proceed.

Kosh uses some kind of phsyonic blast thing to toss the Borg around.

Borg Collective: Perhaps we should pass on this idea for now.

The Borg stomp off and Kosh glides away smugly with about 280 assimilation tubule holes in his suit.

Garibaldi: What's that?
Sheridan: It appears to be a Borg wearing a nightcap.
Delenn: They assimilated Marcus!!!!
Sheridan: Why would they want to?

Marcus pops out of the ceiling and clubs a Borg to Death with his fighting pike. Then Ivanova hops in with a sword and slices up a Borg. Marcus clubs another and Ivanova cuts another one down.

Sheridan: Ivanova! How could you possibly have escaped!?!?
Ivanova: What can I say? I'm the writer's favorite.

Marcus: Captain, I just realized, the Borg didn't adapt to physical attacks!
Sheridan: why.. you're right! That's great! Thanks Drall!
Marcus: rrrrrrrr!!!! That's it! I'm singing!
Franklin: HIT THE DECK!!!
Marcus: I am the very model of a modern major general. I've information, animal, vegetable and mineral. I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical. From Maryland to Torteloo in order categorical. I'm also well acquainted with matters mathematical. Backed with binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news! With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!

The crew is clutching their ears and screaming, even the Borg have started to back away.

Sheridan: That's it! we have Marcus sing some more and we'll beat the Borg that way!
Franklin: Is it worth it? I mean, the losses we'd suffer!
Delenn: Yes, which is the lesser evil?
Garibaldi: d*mn that's a tough one.......
Sheridan: Ok, anyone have any ideas at all?
Marcus: well, I have the Borg distracted, I put my nightcap on one of them and they've been trying to assimilate it.

Pretty funny

[Morat]

I require a link to that story.

[Singular Quartet]

I require a link to that story.

Most definatly.

My own additions: (From a few EVA fics. NOTE: a few of these are pornographic)

"Do you....."
"Yes."
"Then take me now, you short-haired demon of lust!" Kensuke yelled, tearing off
his shirt.

Rounding the corner, they almost ran smack bang into Misato, who was heading in
the opposite direction.
"Oh. There you three are. Security said you'd be here somewhere. Come on, I have
something I need to show you."
"Awwww, Misato... We were just about to go home." Asuka whined.
"Yes, Asuka, I know what you three were going to do," she paused for effect,
smirking slightly as all three coloured, "But I really think that you should see
this."
Without any more to-do, she turned and strode off down the corridor, leading the
three pilots behind her. After a brisk walk which left Shinji breathless, they
reached the main Eva cage. As usual, the three Evangelions were sitting in
their restraints, neck-deep in LCL baths. There wasn't anything unusual.
"Uh... Misato... There's nothing changed...." murmered Shinji.
"No, come on, you have to see this. It's really really cool." she enthused,
dragging all three of them into one of the cargo elevators, which slowly
descended to the hangar floor. She all but ran over to a section where one of
the large used rifle shells was sitting on its end. They were kind of expensive,
so it was common practice to retrieve as many as possible after a battle. It was
just a common or garden variety shell case. Assuming common or garden variety
shell cases are about half the size of a small car. The difference was that this
one had been painted like a Yebusi beer can. All three pilots blinked. Misato
giggled and ran up to hug the giant cylinder.
"You like it? I did it myself. I wanna see if I can get it put on the balcony.
Think it'd suit it up there, Shinji?"
But she was talking to empty space. A rapidly receding elevator and three clouds
of dust indicated that they'd left in quite a great hurry.
"Bah.... Some people have no appreciation of art." Misato sulked, stepping back
once more to admire her handiwork.

"Hey, what's the hol-" Asuka began, then stopped, looking at Shinji's face. It
was totally expressionless. There was nothing in his eyes, his mouth perfectly
level and firm, as if it had been carved from stone.
"S-Shinji? What's wrong? What's the matter?"
He swivelled his head to look at her, fixing her with a dull gaze.
But...
But...
But...
But there was a glint in his eyes, a tiny glimmer.
It was laughter.

Shinji broke into a huge grin at the expressions on both their faces.
"Like that? I've been practicing."
Asuka sneered. "Ha ha. Very funny, Third child. I'm sure that your Gendo
impersonations will be the life of any party."
"It was scary, Shinji." murmered Rei.
"Yeah, she's right. Keep doing that and you can go back to your hand. Doing you
like that. Ugh. It'd be like fucking your dad."
The scene suffered a slight hiatus while all three shuddered.

"What? What's wrong with that?" ranted Gendo Ikari, slamming his fist against
the monitor, "What are they implying? They can't do that to me! Damn pilots. I'm
sure they're in some sort of plot against me! What's wrong with me having sex?"
Behind him, Fyutski smirked silently.