UFP vs DS1--An official crossover wank-off by B&B
Posted: 2003-05-06 06:29am
I'm been thinking about what a vs battle would read like if written by Beavis & Butthead... 
Here's the start
This is my first fanfic 
“Coming out of hyperspace in 3, 2, 1, now.” the navigation officer reported.
“What the )(*&^*&^%?”
After the initial expletive, Grand Moff Tarkin regained his composure. Although it was highly unexpected for the Federation fleet to have amassed such a large force from all over the galaxy on such short notice, the outcome would be no different. The better to eliminate the whole force of the pesky enemy in one fell blow.
Still, the imagery out of the viewport and the tactical holograms are unsettling. Thousands of the UFP’s finest are descending on the Death Star fleet, outnumbering it roughly 10 to 1.
“Message to the Fleet: all ahead, maximum warp! Let’s show them what we’re made of.” Picard commanded from the flagship Enterprise.
As they advanced, flying through the hail of turbolasers unimpeded, he reflected on the events of the past six months.
The “Galactic Empire” that came out of nowhere had seriously disturbed the harmony that was the United Federation of Planets. With its huge fleet of Star Destroyers and their take-no-prisoners ruthlessness they had initially made a dent in the sparse perimeter defence of the Outer Rim. Although that was soon remedied by lightning-fast redeployment of the Neutral Zone fleet to meet this new threat, it came at the cost of pricey settlements with the Romulans and Klingons (who would otherwise be taking advantage of the diversion, to be sure), abandonment of his scientific pursuits, and military supplies are more strained than ever.
Now this unreasonable lot is trying to invade Yavin, their largest military base in this sector. Thankfully, frantic research has borne its fruits, and all ships in the fleet have been refitted with Borg transwarp drives, which are faster than Imperial hyperdrives, with the usual benefit of full sensor and attack capability while at warp. Against any other race in the universe warp-strafing was considered bad form, especially against the Klingons, who would protest against this tactic so fiercely as to topple the federation government, as it would have taken all the honour out of their glorious battles and the recordings they made of their battles would have no replay value to their families—what fun is there in watching streaks of light flying so fast that you can tell which side the ship belongs to?
Against the Imperials, of course, this tactic is fair game. With regret at the inevitable loss of lives, Picard began to plan the slaughter of the Imperial attack force. The huge planetoid that came for this battle had unsettled a few stomachs in the fleet, of course, but they all knew that the enormous size of the Imperial ships does not result in enormous power; rather it results from inferior miniaturization technology. In fact, it seems that the larger they come, the more easily they fall apart. With their fixed-frequency shields and vulnerable ventral firing arcs, the Star Destroyers, as the Imperials apparently called those wedge-shaped ships, can be countered by one or two Galaxy-class ships, especially as their sublight-speed weaponry has little hope of hitting them while they warp-strafe the ‘destroyers’ to pieces.
Picard snapped back to the present as his fleet came into position for the killing blow on the Death Star.
Here's the start
This is my first fanfic “Coming out of hyperspace in 3, 2, 1, now.” the navigation officer reported.
“What the )(*&^*&^%?”
After the initial expletive, Grand Moff Tarkin regained his composure. Although it was highly unexpected for the Federation fleet to have amassed such a large force from all over the galaxy on such short notice, the outcome would be no different. The better to eliminate the whole force of the pesky enemy in one fell blow.
Still, the imagery out of the viewport and the tactical holograms are unsettling. Thousands of the UFP’s finest are descending on the Death Star fleet, outnumbering it roughly 10 to 1.
“Message to the Fleet: all ahead, maximum warp! Let’s show them what we’re made of.” Picard commanded from the flagship Enterprise.
As they advanced, flying through the hail of turbolasers unimpeded, he reflected on the events of the past six months.
The “Galactic Empire” that came out of nowhere had seriously disturbed the harmony that was the United Federation of Planets. With its huge fleet of Star Destroyers and their take-no-prisoners ruthlessness they had initially made a dent in the sparse perimeter defence of the Outer Rim. Although that was soon remedied by lightning-fast redeployment of the Neutral Zone fleet to meet this new threat, it came at the cost of pricey settlements with the Romulans and Klingons (who would otherwise be taking advantage of the diversion, to be sure), abandonment of his scientific pursuits, and military supplies are more strained than ever.
Now this unreasonable lot is trying to invade Yavin, their largest military base in this sector. Thankfully, frantic research has borne its fruits, and all ships in the fleet have been refitted with Borg transwarp drives, which are faster than Imperial hyperdrives, with the usual benefit of full sensor and attack capability while at warp. Against any other race in the universe warp-strafing was considered bad form, especially against the Klingons, who would protest against this tactic so fiercely as to topple the federation government, as it would have taken all the honour out of their glorious battles and the recordings they made of their battles would have no replay value to their families—what fun is there in watching streaks of light flying so fast that you can tell which side the ship belongs to?
Against the Imperials, of course, this tactic is fair game. With regret at the inevitable loss of lives, Picard began to plan the slaughter of the Imperial attack force. The huge planetoid that came for this battle had unsettled a few stomachs in the fleet, of course, but they all knew that the enormous size of the Imperial ships does not result in enormous power; rather it results from inferior miniaturization technology. In fact, it seems that the larger they come, the more easily they fall apart. With their fixed-frequency shields and vulnerable ventral firing arcs, the Star Destroyers, as the Imperials apparently called those wedge-shaped ships, can be countered by one or two Galaxy-class ships, especially as their sublight-speed weaponry has little hope of hitting them while they warp-strafe the ‘destroyers’ to pieces.
Picard snapped back to the present as his fleet came into position for the killing blow on the Death Star.