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Yeah, so... `nother fic by me. Read it, comment on it, make my ego feel better, or just say "It sucks, bitch" and give suggestions on how to make it better.



Chapter 1: The Gates of Loren

Orcs are disturbingly intelligent. Common belief held that they were angry, violent creatures just above the intelligence of goblins, only a few times larger. This was not true. While they were fairly large, this also allowed for a rather large brain-pan to evolve, even with the thicker skull required to protect it from harm. They only keep to the stereotype of violence because, well, the threat of violence when most other spiecies make it to your nipples is very persuasive. Case in point: Thomar Fleshrender.

Towering over humans at nearly nine feet tall, and carrying an axe decorated with 'trophies' of past 'battles,' Thomar has put out a considerable aura of being the battle-hardened violence-lover that humans believe Orcs are. Various furs hang from his belt, covering his legs, but revealing a torso covered in muscle and scars. A shield hangs from his left arm, spiked on the edges just for flaver. Thomar looks at the entrance into the city of Loren, and internally sighs at the sight his keen eyes relay to him.

A human, a rather short one at that, is arguing with one of the city's gaurd at the entrance. Given that he is covered in black robes in the summer sun, he can only assume that th ecity gaurd beleive that he is some sort of cultist carrying evil magiks to curropt their fair city. 'As though it already isn't' muses Thomar to himself. Several other men, presumably with the cloaked one, stand off to the side, arms crossed, chatting amongst each other, ignoring the spectical as though it were an every day occurance. All of them are dressed in the deep black of the compatiot. Thomar stands behind the arguement for a moment, considering how he can make it all that much shorter, before coming to an intresting conclusion.

Thomar walks up to directly behind the cloaked man, and realizes just how short he really is when the top of his hood barely makes it above Thomar's belt. Thomar takes in a deep breath, before bellowing "What meaning of this?!" He had learned some time ago how to fake a good 'Orcish rage.'

The guard steps back, his hand gripping tightly at the handle of his sword, looking at Thomar in surprise. "U-Um... th-this... umm..."

"Out with it." Thomar had lowered his voice, adding a far more gutteral accent to it, keeping it just understandable for the guard, making it seem that he was about to split the gaurds head open for making him wait.

"Well... this person... well... refuses to-to allow for a check of their person incase... umm... they have... err... witchery-related paraphenalia..."

Thomar withholds his laughter, having trained himself not to abotu when he developed his Orcish rage. "Only idiot enter hu-mon city carrying magiks. Let pass, hu-mon."

"Of-of course..." The gaurd lets the humans and the Orc pass.

One of the humans who was with the cloaked figure follows Thomar after he takes a different street from the rest of them. Thomar turns into an alley, and notes that the human is still following him. He stops, and turns to face the human. "What you want?"

"You can drop the act."

Thomar stares at the human for a moment before speaking again. His voice, while still extremely deep, had few traces of the gutteral accent left in it. "Alright. Question still remains, though."

"My boss just wanted to say thanks for the help back there. She wasn't sure if she could get past the gaurd, and didn't want to make a scene."

'She?' throught Thomar, 'cloak didn't help any...' "It would have been easier had she not been wearing the cloak."

"Trust me, it would have been quite a bit harder without the cloak. Name's Zenhara, and the boss is named Xsixsi. Look us up if you ever need any help. We'll see what we can do."

"Thomar Fleshrender... your welcome. Anything I can do to annoy these humans."

"Heh... well, gotta get back. See you around." He turns running out of the alley, and down the street.

Thomar leaves the alley, deep in thought. 'She never told him to leave the group... infact, none of them spoke once they were through the city gates... curious... very curious...' He walks down the streets towards the less-human neighborhood of the city.

Begins very nicely, although there's a few typos. I definately like that the plot starts developing very early - as well as the premise. (The disproof of the notions that orcs are stupid)

I'd like to see some development of the character of Zenhara.

BTW - Shameless plug: On your request (or was it?), I've updated the 9th chapter of "The Wormhole War".

Singular Quartet wrote:I don't know what it is, but it seems that just about every fic I write gets the statement weird, intresting, or odd said about it. In somecases, all three...

You know what? this peice is weird,intresting and odd!
EDIT: I said that before reading it. Now that i have a need to read more before i can make any resonable statements

Crazedwraith wrote:

Singular Quartet wrote:I don't know what it is, but it seems that just about every fic I write gets the statement weird, intresting, or odd said about it. In somecases, all three...

You know what? this peice is weird,intresting and odd!
EDIT: I said that before reading it. Now that i have a need to read more before i can make any resonable statements

Success for me, then... hmm... I'll get around to sending out Chapter 2 soon...

EDIT: Like... now.


---Chapter 2: Loren, Norok-tal-Norok---

Thomar walked down the streets, and watched a group of Troll children playing in the streets. They were small, but extremely fast on their feet as they played with a ball in some random fashion. Thomar smiles, knowing he doesn't have to keep up his act any further, and instead just walks down the street, nodding to those he knew, before turning into a shabby two-story building.

Thomar smiles when the female troll behind the bar recognizes him. "Thomar!! Long time no see! Where in the six hells have you been?!"

"The Goblins tried to drive us out again. Had to stay around to rebuild one of the border towns they ransacked. How's business, Zan-dan?"

"Fairly well. Granted, I've taken up a little bit on the side... back to get Havon out of his boredom?"

"Of course! I can't have all the fun! However, I at least have to get myself in a drunken stupor before I go into that nightmare of a business..."

"Well, have a seat, I'll get you your usual in a few minutes."

Thomar widens his smile as he sits down at a table. He took a long look about the bar as he waited for his drink, surveying the various customers. A few trolls scattered around, a pair of orcs, and, surprisingly enough, a human, although she didn't quite smell right. She was small, but very well built for a human, and Thomar could see several knives hanging from the inside of her vest. Baggy pants and a pair of sandals were her only other piecies of clothing, along with a pouch for whatever else she might need. Her hair was white, with black streaks in it. Thomar concentrated on the smell for a moment, before finally being sure. A true were-tiger. A rare sight, and also one to be feared considering the number of rumors and legends surrounding them.

Another pair of trolls enter. Thomar saw the woman take a short glance at them, before returning to her own drink. Thomar made his own glance at the trolls. Trolls were a little taller than humans, but much faster on their feet, and could heal thier wounds much faster than almost anything else, espeacially if they underwent the rites of passage. Very few trolls underwent them these days, but sometimes it was nessacary. He waves them over as they recognize each other.

"Thomar! Good to see you're back!"

"Bah, you think I want to be back, Zan-mar? And Kri-nan!" Thomar looks back at the male troll. "Should it be Kri-mar now?"

The female troll smiles and pats her bulging belly. "Yep, the big oaf finally decieded to join the family. Took a bit of convincing, though..."

"She puts up a good arguement."

"Like any good mother should, Kri-mar. Just wait until you have children."

"You have some of your own?"

"No, but my sister does. Wonderful bunch they are, but quite a bit of trouble. Hopefully, I'll never have to. Please, take a seat you two, I doubt your sister will mind all that much..."

Another enters the bar. A human. Another rare site, indeed. He dresses in loose, black clothing, and Thomar immediatly recognizes him as one of the men with Xsixsi. Thomar also notes the woman's reaction. One of her hands had fallen to her vest.

"Santok Thomar, it is good to see you again. A pleasent surprise."

"Of course..." This one acts different from the Zenhara, more smooth, more quick in wits and on its feet, as though everything is beneath it, but carries a knife ready to be plunged into his back. Thomar also wondered how he knew Thomar's title.

"And Jane, please, you should know better than anyone how effective that would be."

The woman he was refering to did not move. "What do you want?"

"I think we should discuss this someplace more... secluded." The man pulls out a folded-over piece of paper, handing it to her. She opens it, taking a quick look. Thomar saw a series of runes written on the paper in a language he didn't have a hope or prayer in understanding.

The woman grunts, and holds out a hand. A knife appears in it from a pocket in his pants. She unsheathed it, looked over the blade, thought for a moment, before smiling. "The terms are acceptable. I will met with her then."

"Of course. Good day." The man turned and left. The woman stood, stretched, payed, and left.

"Odd," said Thomar.

"Definately," said Zan-dan. "I've seen some intresting things occur while I've owned this bar, but that definately takes the cake. How'd you met that guy?"

"A woman in a black cloak calling herself Xsixsi was at the city gates with him and a few others. I made a bit of noise and they were let through."

Kri-mar nodded. "Want me to look into it?"

"Might be a good idea. Zan-dan, mind if I stay here for the night?"

"Not really."

Okay so far - I have no complaints as such.

more more we need a plot to comment on!!!

Crazedwraith wrote:more more we need a plot to comment on!!!

It's getting there, it's getting there... Give me a wee bit, it needs editting. Unless, of course, you want a work that switches between present and past tense like no one's business...