Little story I felt must be posted somewhere!
Posted: 2003-09-23 07:30pm
Okay, this was written by me and a friend in a span of ~45 minutes for English class. It was censored by the teacher for reasons never really explained. This was all done for our (mine and my friend’s) amusement. I extend early apologies to anyone who is somehow offended
There are a few inside jokes, but anyone should get the general idea. This was supposed to be a dialogue, two characters in a stressful situation.
(one last note: Although we were not allowed to act this out, or even read it, we DID get 100% on it, and much praise from the teacher and his aide for excellent writing)
Err, I swear this is the last note: “rode shanks’ mare” is a synonym for walked, I found it by chance in the thesaurus. Look it up.
____________________________________________________________________
Rosie Rossini stiffly rode shanks’ mare into the gloomy clinic. She sat down and looked around. There were 3 other women there, all looking extremely sullen.
After a few minutes the nurse came out and called very cheerfully, “Ms. Rossini please!”
Rosie trudged towards the door. “I don’t know what SHE’S so happy about,” she grumbled.
The nurse didn’t hear her, and continued to lead her into the examination room. She informed Rosie, “The doctor will be with you in a minute.” Rosie acknowledged her with a curt, nervous nod.
Rosie was unable to look cheerful as exactly a minute later, a tall man of about 80 marched into the room. What little remaining hair he had left seemed to fit perfectly with his glasses and clean-shaven face, in some odd way. He was casually munching on a bag of Huge-brand Peanuts
In between the chewing of peanuts he managed to mumble, “Hello, I’m Dr. Buttford. What seems to be the problem?”
Tensely, she remarked, “I’m just here for an exam.”
The doctor put down his clipboard and motioned for her to lie down. “Ms. Rossi, is it?”
“Rossini,” she corrected him.
“Oh, Rossini, I’m sorry.” Dr. Buttford’s eyes scanned the clipboard he had just put down. “I just got here from Proctology, and I haven’t been given the updated patient list yet, but I think there IS a Rossi on this list somewhere.”
Rosie slowly lied down on the examination table. Immediately, she felt hands around her nether regions. Slightly shocked, she looked up. “Wait, so you haven’t ever given a gynecological exam?”
“No, but they told me it wasn’t too hard,” said Dr. Buttford, flashing his golden crown among his otherwise yellow teeth in a grin wider than anything Rosie had ever seen. “I was in the general area though, proctology, you know. They told me this was almost the same thing, so I thought I’d try it out.”
Her apprehension growing now, Rosie inched away from Dr. Buttford and mumbled uneasily, “I’m not so sure about this.”
He chimed brightly, “Relax! I’m a professional, and everything I do in this office remains between you and me!”
Remembering all the waivers she had to sign to get in there, she agreed. She relaxed a little. “I’m ready.”
“All right,” exclaimed Dr. Buttford as soon as he finished putting on his gloves. “Okay, spread your legs.”
And so it began.
There are a few inside jokes, but anyone should get the general idea. This was supposed to be a dialogue, two characters in a stressful situation.
(one last note: Although we were not allowed to act this out, or even read it, we DID get 100% on it, and much praise from the teacher and his aide for excellent writing)
Err, I swear this is the last note: “rode shanks’ mare” is a synonym for walked, I found it by chance in the thesaurus. Look it up.
____________________________________________________________________
Rosie Rossini stiffly rode shanks’ mare into the gloomy clinic. She sat down and looked around. There were 3 other women there, all looking extremely sullen.
After a few minutes the nurse came out and called very cheerfully, “Ms. Rossini please!”
Rosie trudged towards the door. “I don’t know what SHE’S so happy about,” she grumbled.
The nurse didn’t hear her, and continued to lead her into the examination room. She informed Rosie, “The doctor will be with you in a minute.” Rosie acknowledged her with a curt, nervous nod.
Rosie was unable to look cheerful as exactly a minute later, a tall man of about 80 marched into the room. What little remaining hair he had left seemed to fit perfectly with his glasses and clean-shaven face, in some odd way. He was casually munching on a bag of Huge-brand Peanuts
In between the chewing of peanuts he managed to mumble, “Hello, I’m Dr. Buttford. What seems to be the problem?”
Tensely, she remarked, “I’m just here for an exam.”
The doctor put down his clipboard and motioned for her to lie down. “Ms. Rossi, is it?”
“Rossini,” she corrected him.
“Oh, Rossini, I’m sorry.” Dr. Buttford’s eyes scanned the clipboard he had just put down. “I just got here from Proctology, and I haven’t been given the updated patient list yet, but I think there IS a Rossi on this list somewhere.”
Rosie slowly lied down on the examination table. Immediately, she felt hands around her nether regions. Slightly shocked, she looked up. “Wait, so you haven’t ever given a gynecological exam?”
“No, but they told me it wasn’t too hard,” said Dr. Buttford, flashing his golden crown among his otherwise yellow teeth in a grin wider than anything Rosie had ever seen. “I was in the general area though, proctology, you know. They told me this was almost the same thing, so I thought I’d try it out.”
Her apprehension growing now, Rosie inched away from Dr. Buttford and mumbled uneasily, “I’m not so sure about this.”
He chimed brightly, “Relax! I’m a professional, and everything I do in this office remains between you and me!”
Remembering all the waivers she had to sign to get in there, she agreed. She relaxed a little. “I’m ready.”
“All right,” exclaimed Dr. Buttford as soon as he finished putting on his gloves. “Okay, spread your legs.”
And so it began.
