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Episode 1: Rise of the Gnomes

The Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim California, June 6th, 2006

ANNOUNCER: And the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim have just swept the Detroit Red Wings and are on their way to defend their Stanley Cup Title! J.S. Giguere shuts out the Red Wings four straight games and extends his streak of shutouts to sixteen straight games.

Beneath the Earth, in a Subterranean Labyrinth

*The hideous Bulk of Darth Garden Gnome, hermaphroditic creature-beast and leader of the Gnome Armies tosses a Redshirt Gnomish Soldier through the television!*

DGG: GAH! NOT AGAIN! WHERE IS THE GRAND VIZIER!

Rogue Ice: Right Here Oh Powerful One!

DGG: Deploy our forces on Orange County! Bring me the heads of the Mighty Ducks NOW! And bring me the Stanley Cup!

Rogue Ice: My lord if I may, we have forces all over the planet we could acquire some uranium for our nuclear program, sujugate a small nation, or threaten the major governments of the world, perhaps our forces would be best used...

DGG: You FOOL! the Stanley CUp shall be mine! YOu dare to question the Supreme Gnome?

*Darth Gaden Gnome hefts his slug tail and excretes several Gnomish Redshirt Soldiers brandishing swords, all fiercely loyal to their master*

Rogue Ice: Errr...Right my lord (I wish he wouldn't do that in front of me), The Stanley Cup it shall be.

*hours later*

NEWS REPORTER: THis is Skip Featherbottoms here with breakingnews. Disneyland is aflame today in the wake of the Mighty Ducks Fourth Stnley Cup final in as many years, a horde of what appear to be elves...

MiTh: GNOMES!

REPORTER: Right, right, Gnomes. This horde has begun attacking the City of Anaheim, their goal, to take the Stanley CUp, and something about "Killing all humans."

MiTh: KILL ALL HUMANS!

REPORTER: AHHHHHHH!!!!

MiTh: This is a special warning from our master! The band of warriors known as the Ducks shall be executed and presented to our master on the eve of Detroit's Stanley Cup Victory! GO RED WINGS!


*Cut to, Arrowhead Pond Parking lot, postgame celebration*

UNKNOWN SOLDIER: Execute? The Ducks? I don't think so.

* Unknown Soldier jumps into a White 2002 Ford Mustang and heads up the 57 freeway towards Disneyland, hefting what appears to be a boat oar.*

Disneyland, Anaheim California

GNOMISH REDSHIRT SOLDIER 94757: KILL ALL HUMANS!

GNOMISH REDSHIRT SOLDIER 48265: KILL ALL HUMANS!

GNOMISH REDSHIRT SOLDIER 39011: KILL ALL YEAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

*#39011 is decapitated*

GRS 94757: What was AGGGGHHHHGHGH

*#94757 is skewered*

GRS 48265: Who.... who are you! You're too tall to be a gnome!

DARTH FANBOY: Just call me..the Gnome hunter.

GRS 48265: I'll call you dead! GAAAAHHH

*#48265 is slashed in half*

FANBOY: You're lucky, you survived long enough to see the face of your killer.

*Suddenly a spout of flame erupts from the teacups ride as a small squad of Gnomish Redshirt Soldiers charge Fanboy's position. He hefts the boat oar high above his head and swings it downward, lifting two figners to his forehead. Suddenly, he thrusts the fingers forward and fires a burst of mental energy, a mind bullet! killing several gnomes*

FANBOY: That's Telekenisis Gnomes, now how bout the power...to move you.

*Fanboy begins twirling the Boat oar in a 360 degress rotations, a gale force wind pushes the remainging gnomes into a nearby wall, where they splatter into a pile of blood guts and jelly. however ont he other side of the park.*

GNOMISH REDSHIRT SOLDIER 29952: General sir, Disneyland is ours! Except...

MiTh: "Except?" #29952 it sounds like you are about to say something most displeasing to me.

GRS 29952: There seems to be a human warrior fending off our occupation forces, forgive me for saying this sir but, we're being overwhelmed! We're sending in soldiers squads at a time and we've started tripping over the bodies!

MiTh: You don't understand, YOU ARE EXPENDABLE! Our Master can create more of you at will! You either Serve SEGNOR or die in the process!

GRS 29952: Well fuck that!

*#29952 is incinerated by MiTh's Heat Vision*

MiTh: All forces, overwhelm the human warrior! HAIL SEGNOR!

*Fanboy fires another mindbullet, sending gnomes flying in all directions. however they are coming in large overwhelming suicidal waves.*

Fanboy: Damn! They just keep coming, Let's think strategy.... Hmm I have'nt tried that technique for awhile.

*Fanboy ceases the mind bullet attack and refocuses his mental energy. He levitates himself above the fray as a hundred angry midgets with swords overrun where he once stood*

Fanboy: Damn this is tough, all right whats next.

GIRLS VOICE: HAAAAAAAAAALLLLP!

Fanboy: Say Wha?

GIRLS VOICE: I SAID "HELP"bNUMBNUTS!

Fanboy: Shit, all right, where is she....Oh crap.

*Fanboy spots a woman fleeing a group of Gnomes towards the enchanted castle. Using his strength he hovers over and fires a mind bullet behind her, the explosion cleared enough ground for him to land as he ran toward her*

Fanboy: It's a good thing you're cute, its dangerous around here you know and I was just about to take off.

Girl: It's a good thing you're cute, otherwise i'd kick you in the manbags until you sounded like that damned cartoon mouse.

Fanboy: My kind of girl, you got a name?

Zaia: Just check the lines in the script, i'm going to start running now.

Fanboy: do what now? Oh...

*Fanboy and Zaia sprint off as MiTh's heat vision streaks towards them, somehow causing a lot of explosions all over the place.*

MiTH: KILL ALL HUMANS!

Fanboy: This asshole's mine, stay back.

Zaia: Are you crazy?

Fanboy: No maam, I'm a hockey fan, and nobody takes the Cup from Anaheim unless its in a best of seven series.

MiTh: Foolish Human! how do you expect to beat me?

Fanboy: With this (hefts boat oar)

MiTh: A wooden Oar? HAHAHAHHAHAHA (Shoot Heat Vision at oar, beams have no effect.) What in the hell?

Fanboy: Its made of Morning Wood, the strongest substance in existance.

*Zaia Blushes, MiTh draws a sword*

Fanboy: Come get some bitch.

MiTh: Bitch? Oh that's it now you've pissed me off!

*MiTh Charges Fanboy, who sticks his hand out and pushes on MiTh's head. Mith desperately tries to throw punches and swing his sword but Fanboy's arm keeps him at bay. Fanboy begins laughing his ass off until he looks up and sees about ten thousand angry gnomes charing towards the battleground. Fanboy pushes MiTh back slightly then with a flash of speed he swings the oar like a baseball bat, sending MiTh into the Gnomish front line*

Fanboy: Hey Zaia, you got any miracles in your purse?

Zaia: No but I do have a flute.

Fanboy: What in the hell is a flute going to do?

Zaia: Just cover your ears, this is going to be messy.

Fanboy: Whatever you say (plugs ears)

*Zaia stuffs some cotton in her ears and proceeds to play the flute, as the gnomes come chargin in Zaia hits a high note, the brown note. Every member in the gnome army subsequently shits his pants*

MiTh: Agggh! This is most humilating, oh god and I had Chili, Oh it burns IT BURNS!!!!

Fanboy: AhahaHahaa now that's funny.

Zaia: YEah, it's great but That just buys us some time, you think you can fly us both out of here?

Fanboy: That depends, How much do you weigh?

Zaia: What? You asshole!

Fanboy: Okay that came out wrong, but I can only use my techniques for so long before I gotta rest, we might be able to make it to my car but...

*Suddenly a large Explosion engulfs the Gnomish army Several black helicopters firing rockets can be spotted entering the scene. From behind the gnomes another large explosion goes off, possibly unecessary but very entertaining to the causal observer.*

MiTH: A Mage Counterattack? Here! Damned we aren't prepared for this! ALL GNOME FORCES RETREAT!!!!!!

*Gnomish forces retreat to the pit opened up near the "Its a Small World" ride and reteat to the inner depth of the Earth. A different black helicopter, a Transport chopper with several robed figures on it yells out to fanboy*

BLACK MAGE ????: HURRY! GET TO THE CHOPPER!

Fanboy: Governor Arnold?

Zaia: Shut up and get in.

Fanboy: But What about my car?

Zaia: Anaheim has just been invaded by Dwarves...

Fanboy: Gnomes.

Zaia: gnomes, and all you care about is your car?

Fanboy: My insurance doesn't cover this shit!

BLACK MAGE ????: We've got Stanley Cup tickets back at the base...

Fanboy: Sold!

Zaia: (This is the most retarded vacation ever, if he starts chanting)

Fanboy: LETS GO DUCKS! LETS GO DUCKS!

Zaia: (.......)

The Lair of Darth Garden Gnome, shortly afterwards

DGG: Grand Vizier! Where is my Stanley Cup!

Rogue Ice: Oh Gnoish one, It pains me to tell you that your General bungled the task, and that the Stanley Cup is still in the hands of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, and unless someone beats them in the Cup Finals, its going to stay there.

DGG: You Failed me AGAIN! Even with thousands of Gnomish Disposable Warriors you couldn't defeat the humans?

Rogue Ice: Its not entirely our fault sir, we were counterattacked by the Black Mages during the battle of Disneyland.

DGG: MAGES! If I ever hear of those insuffereable robed freaks again I will...I will...

Rogue Ice: (Oh hell, he'd better not...)

*Darth Garden Gnome begins to grunt and a vien pops out of his forehead, a large bulge moves through his slimy body and through his tail until it emerges. It is a Gnome Super Soldier. Rogue Ice Vomits*

DGG: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! THIS GNOME SUPER SOLDIER WILL DESTROY THE BLACK MAGES!!!! ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED

Hehehe.. I could only concentrate through about half of that, so I'll have to read it later.. but damn, that was funny.. 'specially this line:

* Unknown Soldier jumps into a White 2002 Ford Mustang and heads up the 57 freeway towards Disneyland, hefting what appears to be a boat oar.*

Hehehe..

~ver

verilon wrote:Hehehe.. I could only concentrate through about half of that, so I'll have to read it later..

I only concentrated half the time while writing it, so I think were even.

Darth Fanboy wrote:

verilon wrote:Hehehe.. I could only concentrate through about half of that, so I'll have to read it later..

I only concentrated half the time while writing it, so I think were even.

It's my low attention span when it gets near bedtime.. ><

~ver

Well now, that was warped.

Oh and the morning wood joke was really bad... in a semi-good way.

hehehehehehehehe

Erm...how is that "the rise of the gnomes" and yet we get pooed on by some wimpy-ass redneck paranoia helicopters?

While is almost everything involving gnomes ends up being gnome-bashing?

Agent Fisher wrote:While is almost everything involving gnomes ends up being gnome-bashing?

What else are you going to do with a gnome?

good question. But still why?

Why does everything end up in gnomebashing?

Probably because touch yourself at night.

Darth Fanboy wrote:*The hideous Bulk of Darth Garden Gnome, hermaphroditic creature-beast and leader of the Gnome Armies tosses a Redshirt Gnomish Soldier through the television!*

*cut to WRITER'S OFFICE where FANBOY is busy writing Gnome Hunter. He hears a knock on the door; on the other side is DARTH GARDEN GNOME, looking rather huffy*

DGG: Imposter! I am not a Hutt-thing! Look at the avatar Fanboy, are you blind?!

FANBOY: No, I just don't care.

DGG: Now that explains everything.

*Fanboy and Zaia sprint off as MiTh's heat vision streaks towards them, somehow causing a lot of explosions all over the place.*

Sounds oddly like an old Japanese B movie.. bwuahahaha..

~ver

Hey Darth Fan Boy this fic is a hoot thanks for whipping it up I hope to ead more of this *soon*

Captain_Cyran wrote:Rather interesting...I like it. Though there shouldn't be TOO much gnome bashing. For all their weakness they've got some fight to them.

next Edition features the Gnome Super Soldier, which is far and above the powers of the Gnomish Redshirt Soldiers. You know how it is though, in the first episode featuring the heroes the bad guys cant be all that tough, classic superhero introduction formula.

Muy cool.

*strokes chin*

Maybe once I'm done with Groove, I'll write the story of how rivalry between the Mages and Gnomes began...hmmm...

*slow grin*

GNOME HUNTER EPISODE 2: Trouble in Las Vegas

Black Mage Headquaters, just outside of Las Vegas

Black Mage Kuja: Welcome to Black Mage HQ, you know you two are the first no mages to ever...

Zaia: Yeayeayea....So how long is this going to take? I only have a couple days of vacation time left. (notices Kuja) Quit looking at me.

Fanboy: Ummm Yeah, hey is that Vegas?

BLack Mage Kuja: Yes, but it is part of the MAge Code of honour to never indulge in risky behaviors and to always....What the hell?

*Nitram and Tevar enter the room, both dressed in playboy Bunny outfits and noticeably inebriated.*

Kuja: What the hell? what happened to the code of morals?

White Mage Tevar: (hic) Perhaps you (hic) should ask what we pawned (hic) in order to pay for all that fun...hehehheeeee

Black Mage Nitram: Hahahah SHHHHHHHH

Kuja: You what?

*Cut to Fanboy*

Fanboy: LEts see, I think Im going to Ceasar's palace, care to join me Z?

Zaia: Maybe, but i'd rather just get to the nearest airport, n the other hand I never...

(Fanboy Walks out, uninterested in hearing the rest)

Zaia: Did I just, what was, Screw this! (Heads for vegas on her own)

*cut back to Kuja arguing with Nitram*

Kuja: So you're saying that for the last six months everyone here except for myself has been pawning off things and going out gambling?

NItram: Well, yeah....

Kuja: And why wasn't I informed?

Tevar: We figured you'd get mad that we've been pawning your playstation equipment...

Kuja: *sobs*, the one joy I had left in this miserable existance....At least I still have my pudding cups.

*Cyran enters the room*

Black Mage Cyran: (belch) Were out of pudding Cups

Kuja: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Black Mage Denryle: (over Intercom) KUJA! Bring our guests to the War Room at once! We have a situation, we'll need their assistance...

Kuja: Right Minister, If you guys will......Aw hell.

Denryle: Is there a problem Kuja?

kuja: They left.

Denryle: You have failed me for the last time KUJA! (stone silence as Kuja gulps), You're on kitchen detail next week.

Kuja: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Underground Lair of the Evil Gnome Evil

Darth Garden Gnome: My Gnomish Super Soldier is invincible, those mages cannot thwart my plans anymore! Ah Grand Vizier! You have information?

Rogue Ice: YEs oh bulbous one, it appears that Siegfried and Roy have been forced to temporarily cancel their show in Las Vegas.

DGG: Hahahah this is most excellent news, Our Gnomish Armies have been thwarted by their insidious Magic for years! And those TIgers...damned...many Gnomes have become food for those horrible beasts.

Rogue Ice: But sir, What if the Black Mages arrive

DGG: HELLO! Gnomish Super Soldier? invincible? There's no way our plan will fail!

Rogue Ice: Oh yeah, shall I send out Mittrawnur...Mithrawuro...dammit.

DGG: YEah, I dont know what I was thinking when I named him, just call him MiTh like the author does.

Rogue Ice: Shall I deploy MiTh and the Gnomish Redshirt Soldiers sir?

DGG: No! the Gnomish Super Soldiers is invincible! I have crossbred the standard gnome with the unholy powers of citrus fruit! He is almost as ALMIGHTY as I am!

Rogue Ice: Does he have a name?

DGG: I shall call him Ryeere'urodou!

Rogue Ice: But sir, remember the problem with MiTh?

DGG: Good point, I shall call him RYE! RYE! Go Forth and kill Las Vegas! And bring me back some potato chips! OR DIE!

Black Mage War Room

Black Mage Denryle: So you say these two humans managed to defeat an entire army of Gnomish Redshirt Soldiers?

Black Mage Kuja: YEah, but if we hadn't shown up in those helicopters we stole from the UN they would have been toast.

Denryle: It was two on twenty thousand, and they had no magic or hi-explosives, these are obivously talented warriors.

Black Mage Cyran: Well where do they come from then? Heavy Armor Brigade?

Denryle: No these weren't HAB operatives, for one thing they didn't have any heavy armor.

Kuja: Then who? GALE force? Brotherhood of the Monkey?

Denryle: I am..unsure..but perhaps we could glean more if you would take your team into Las Vegas and track them down. Find the two Humans, bring them back here, In the meantime I will confer with masters of various forums and some of our less, savory, allies.

Kuja: Right...BLACK MAGE FORCES POWER UP!

Nitram: That is the lamest battle cry I have ever heard.

Kuja: Have any better ideas?

Cyran: How bout "MAGE STYLE RIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!"

Nitram: Oooooooooooooooooooooo

Kuja: Just get in the damn helicopters....

Las Vegas, the strip

Rye: DEATH BY CITRUS!!!!!! ALL HAIL ORANGE GNOMAGE!

(many many explosions followed by an assortment of strippers and showgirls in skimpy outfits)

Rye: what you girls don't find me A-PEEL-ING? BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

Nitram: Your jokes are as lame as well, you are.

Rye: YEAH? Wel you're a..a....FARTFACE!

Tevar: HE ISN"T YOU POOMONGER!

Kuja: This has got to be the worst prelude to a battle ever.

Cyran: *hefts Bazooka* Screw it Kooj. Lets Juice this Pig.

Rye: JUICE? ME? RAAAAAARRRR!!!! *RYE spits Acid at mages*

Nitram: DAMNIT! I'm busting out Magic.

Kuja: NO! We can't use Magic or heavy explosives, we have to protect the city!

Cyran: Say wha? NO EXPLOSIONS? you do realize we're black mages right?

Kuja: Yeah....

Cyran: Our physical attack isn't exactly well, you know.

Kuja: Yea I know, we're not eaxctly Auron's or Barretts but we've still got to try! For THE PEOPLE OF LAS VEGAS! FFOR THE LITTLE ORPHAN CHILDREN AND FOR THE KITTENS AND FOR THE....

Cyran: FOR THE CHICKS!

Kuja:...FOR THE CHICKS!

Nitram: (looks at Tevar) May I?

Tevar: Once.

Nitram: FOR tHE CHICKS!

*The Mages heft their choice weapons, Cyran his trusty Mr Stabby, Nitram an Oak Staff, and Kuja a 44 Desert eagle.*

Cyran: HEY!

Kuja: I didn't say ANything about Small arsm fire

*Kuja squeezes off seveal shots but they are ricocheted off the Orange Rind of Hell, Rye begins to spit Citric Acid at them.*

Cyran: I don't undertand If those humans uhhh (goes back and reads through script) Fanboy and Zaia are in Vegas, then why aren't they here fighting?

*Cut to Fanboy*

Fanboy: Come on SEVEN! SEVEN!

Dealer: Snake Eyes, you lose.

Fanboy: Hey wait, I get a Do Over!

Dealer: Sorry sir, but the limit is three Do Overs and One Futurama Joke rip off.

Fanboy: Shit! Hrmmm, You know any blood banks open late?

*Cut to Zaia*

Zaia: I'm not sure whats happening...I've managed to keep my identity secret so far but its getting out of hand, I need you to contact the others and send them here to Las Vegas.

Innerbrat: Understood, Dcuhess is still in Ethiopia freeing the woman who crushed her husbands testicles but we should arrive within the next few episodes.

Zaia: Good Work, its up to the sisterhood to save the Earth from these horrible devils.

Innerbrat: So how was California?

Zaia: oh it was great! I went to Beverly Hills for some shopping, oh it was sooo much fun..

*Cut to Mages*

Nitram: She should get off the phone and get over here to help us!

Cyran: So when you say no explosives, we are still able to use firearms?

Kuja: Well yeah....

RyE: LESS TALK MORE SQUISH!

*Kuja, Nitram, and Cyran are all swatted aside, Tevar moves in deftly with her Shojo Mallet looking for position. Rye looks down Tevar's robe. Suddenly the Shojo Mallet Gathers power and Rye is knocked off of his feet into the pavement.*

Tevar: That was nothing, try patting me on the ass and see how conscious you are afterwards

Nitram: I can't believe it, saved by my old lady.

Tevar: What did you just call me?

Nitram: nothing! nothing! Sorry, won't happen again...hehehehe...

Tevar: you'll pay later, right now I have to finish this OOOOOOFFFF!!!!

*Ryes counterattack roundhouse kick sent Tevar into a nearby lamp post. The mages were reeling badly.*

Cyran: Can it get any worse?

*Suddenly, hordes of Gnomish Redshirt Soldiers beign flooding the streets of Las Vegas. Kuja slaps Cyran across the face*

Kuja: All right time for Plan B.

Nitram: We have a plan b? Sweeeeeeeet.

Kuja: HAAAAAALLLLLLLLPPPP SOMEBODY HAAAALLLLP US!!!!!

Cyran: That is the lamest plan B ever, Stand back Im going to start blowing things up.

Kuja: But the city?

Cyran: Screw it! I lost all the money from pawning of your playstation games here, I think they can damn well afford to pay for the repair costs.

Kuja:

Tevar: Wow that was cool! Let Me Try

RYE:

Nitram:

Cyran:

* The Gnomish REdshirt Soldiers begin to join Rye ina Middle Earth style assault. *

Cyran: Awright, like I said earlier, lets juice these mother...

Gnomish Redshirt Soldier 83562: Did you hear that?

Gnomish Redshirt Soldier 49188: Such foul language!

(GRS's 83562 and 49188 blown to smithereens by Cyrans Bazooka)

Nitram: THUNDAGA!

Kuja: FLARE STAR!

Tevar: BIO!

(What Gnomes that werent destroyed by the Black Mage Magic, were instantly poisoned and given severe gastrointestinal porblems by Tevar's Bio attack. For the second times in as many episodes, a horde of Gnomes have shit their pants. Except for Rye who, as an orange, does not poo)

Rye: IS THAT AlL yOU GOT!

Fanboy: Not exactly....

Kuja: Where the hell have you been!

Fanboy: Well I just ran out of money, so I was gonna go back and snag some of that playstation stuff I saw back at the castle and...

Kuja: Just Fuck off okay? Just ...Just... DIE GNOME DIE!!!!!!

*Rye advances despite Kuja's Fierce Attack, Fanboy attempts to fire a mind bullet but is caught offguard by a series of seemingly random and unexplained explosions. Cyran in the meantime has retreated behind a conveniently stacked pile of cars and has begun firing stinger missles at Gnomes indiscriminately.*

Cyran: See, I call it Plan "C"

Nitram: For Cyran?

Cyran: No, for "Collateral Damage"

Nitram: ohhhhhhh....

Rye: HUMAN? YOU! YOU PREVENT MASTER FROM GETTING STANLEY CUP!

Fanboy: Uhh yeah, say listen did anyone ever tell you you're a fuckin' orange?

Rye: INVINCIBLE CITRUS POWER! RAAAHHHHHHHHH

Fanboy: Ooookay, YEah, I'm going to have to kick your ass now.

*Fanboy leaps into the air and completes a triple flip, landing square behind Rye, he unsheathes the boat oar amd gives it a hefty baseball swing. Rye is knocked facefirst into the pavement but he quickly gets up again and uses his acid attack. Fanboy counters by levitating up to the nearest building.*

Fanboy: He's a bit tougher than your average gnome. This could be entertaining.

*Fanboy fires another mind bullet, and leaps down from the rooftop. Rye rushes in for another attack but is caught square in the face by a powerful beam of Magic*

Denryle: Good thing I showed up.

Kuja: Minister of Sin!

Fanboy: That's a pretty fruity lookin cape you got there.

Kuja: How dare you speak to the minister that way! He is our leader!

Denryle: ok #1 its a cloak, and #2 I'm a little fruity myself.

Fanboy: Oh, damn Im sorry, that was a little uncalled for then.

Denryle: *shrugs* I get that a lot, it comes with being an eccentric sorcerer living in a castle outside of Las Vegas. I can't complain though. Youre one of the humans from Disneyland I take it?

Fanboy: Yub yub.

RYE: LESS TALK! MORE FIGHT!

Denryle: Charming, Listen i've got a message for your master. Tell him I said "You Suck."

*Alryium uses a powerful beam against the unholy Orange, Rye staggers but does not fall.*

Fanboy: You aren't going to kill him with Magic. Least not with that peel anyway, all that Vitamin C acts as a shield.

Denryle: then I take it you have a better idea?

Fanboy: Well have you ever made homemade napalm?

Denryle: Yea, when i was a kid and then again at my best freinds wedding, a mixture of gasoline and...Ohhh I see. kUJA!

Kuja: Yes Minster!

Denryle: Initiate Maneuver Twelve, Substance Gasoline!

Kuja: Do what now?

Denryle: Douse him with Gasoline! Nitram! We'll need a fire spell!

Cyran: What about me?

Fanboy: You and I have to keep that big Fruit Busy!

Denryle: HEY!

Fanboy: I meant the Orange.

Denryle: Ohhhhhh. I shall rescue the White Mage Tevar then.

fanboy: You do that.

*Cyran hefts a powerful rifle and begins firing off rounds of depleted uranium. Rye is injured but continues to attack, spitting his acid. Fanboy leaps down itno the fray and engages in close range martial arts combat. Kuja has taken the gas tank out of a nearby overtunred vehicle and tosses it at rye, Cyran shoots the Gas tank and the gasoline pours all over Rye. Fanboy uses levitation to Escape."

Nitram: FIRAGA!!!!!!!1

*The mixture of Gas, Fire, and Orange Juice ignites rye(*

Rye: AHHGHGHGHGHHHH IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!! GNOMisH SOLDIERS RETREAAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!! and Get ME SOME ANTISEPTIC and ALOE VERA!

*Gnomes retreat, the Author, in his infinite wisdom has decided to cut ahead*

Black Mage Castle, Outside of Reno

Fanboy: Wow, that was cool.

Denryle: Yes our castle has lots of hi powered technology, we can move to anywhere in the..

Fanboy: No, I meant the Satellite dish , how many channels you get?

Denryle: Six hundred, including the Amish Porn Channel

Fanboy: Cooooooool

Denryle: So you'll aid in our fight?

Danboy: We'll, first I need to hear an overdramatic detailed history of your struggle with the gnomes, Ian explanation of why you need to ally with me, and i'll need some of those pudding cups I keep hearing about.

Denryle: Done. Should we start now?

Fanboy: Nah, let's just save it for the beginning of the next episode. What channel is Amish Porn again?

Denryle: 385.


SEE YOU LATER SPACE GNOMEBOY

*The Mages heft their choice weapons, Cyran his trusty Mr Stabby, Nitram an Oak Staff, and Kuja a 44 Desert eagle.*

Cyran: HEY!

Kuja: I didn't say ANything about Small arsm fire

I dunno why it is but whenever I think of you rparticular character he's always that one leader who for all practical purposes isn't cut out for the job but pulls it off anyhow.

Were the smileys as lame as I thought?

Darth Fanboy wrote:Were the smileys as lame as I thought?

They were OK, but I think it's a one-shot joke.

What do you mean one shit? I epxpect to be shot at multiple times for that one!

(Rimshot, ba da BAM)

sIDe StoRY: WhaT IF The SeGNor FOrum STilL eXISted?
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Darth Garden Gnome: That Fic by Fanboy is teh sUxxoR!!!!!11111

Agent Fisher: h3 15 n07 1337!

Rye: 533 Teh w33l5? 74053 @R3 teh MARkiNGS!

Mithrawnurudo: LMAO!!!!11111

Darth Garden Gnome: RED WINGS!!!!!!!!!!

Rogue Ice: Eewwwwwwwwwww

Darth Garden Gnome: No I dont mean banging your ladyfreind when shes on the rag I mean the hockey team

Rogue Ice: Oh.

Now this I enjoy... Have you been rereading the old TGODs fanboy?