need advive as how to correct this Fanfic, Grammer wise
Posted: 2004-01-15 01:01pm
this is the beggining of a small fic that i have been making recently unfoutuneatly, im about as litrate as a albertross.....
if you could avize and tell me how i can do something to make this better....
and if you rip it shredds , i dont give a slight damn.... honest......
Bugger that for a game of soliders
As Zork the hunter was running towards the craggy, hot mountains the beast he was hunting, he was being observed as was the beast he was hunting both of them were panting heavily and were both sweating in their own unique way. Zork as the tribesmen was known was big broad shouldered and mostly ugly with thick manky brown and black hair that covered him from head to shoulders and manky light brown yellow teeth mostly non existent in his hair cladded face looking exhausted from the chase.
The hunt continued, the hunter hunted and the hunted ran for its life on the desert plain of Swarhelie
the hunted Tceffe that had been in the normal dimension of the worls now began to flow in to the new reality availible to him , he swooped towards the heaven that only he could know, a one full of delights , and most impertently , no hunters.
The Dawn of the new civilisation on the planet had come as shock to the observers who had as their name suggests observe, they had been here for many years doing what they were designed to do many, many years ago when the creator became very forgetful and left something so powerful that it could destroy the world in many different ways which would take a while but as the son of the creators creator said “who gives a damn about a round world?”
This kind of attitude lead to the world being ignored by most senior deities and made the world become quite boring, that’s until the thing that would kill them came to get them. The one thing that humanity as they came to be called came across it in their infant years as sapiens.
This doomsday device was called:
BAD LUCK!
When the first sapient found this new and powerful thing he said was “oh bugger” as he tumbled over a cliff hidden by bracken while looking for food for his big, hungry and mainly greedy family one day while they had been pigging out on what he decided would be called a bore (at this time they had not really have mind for names of their animals) He had been hunting the animals on this plain for over a month now and this particular animal had been on the run from him for over three hours now it was tired and it wanted a rest and it had seen the bracken.in its small and tired mind something told him that this was a perfect place to have a rest and to let this damn fangled two legged sapient to run past him and leave in peace, a bad choice as we will soon see.
The beast ran towards the bracken at a high speed as the human thundered after it and as the human came to where he thought it was he went over the cliff edge and downwards for over many hundreds of feet
The noise accompanying was this:
Arhhghghghghghghghghghhghghghghghgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg…arghhhhhhhhhgyhhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggg.
Just after that, some very hungry birds flew to where he lay in the sand.
as they say in the buissness , to be continued.....
if you could avize and tell me how i can do something to make this better....
and if you rip it shredds , i dont give a slight damn.... honest......
Bugger that for a game of soliders
As Zork the hunter was running towards the craggy, hot mountains the beast he was hunting, he was being observed as was the beast he was hunting both of them were panting heavily and were both sweating in their own unique way. Zork as the tribesmen was known was big broad shouldered and mostly ugly with thick manky brown and black hair that covered him from head to shoulders and manky light brown yellow teeth mostly non existent in his hair cladded face looking exhausted from the chase.
The hunt continued, the hunter hunted and the hunted ran for its life on the desert plain of Swarhelie
the hunted Tceffe that had been in the normal dimension of the worls now began to flow in to the new reality availible to him , he swooped towards the heaven that only he could know, a one full of delights , and most impertently , no hunters.
The Dawn of the new civilisation on the planet had come as shock to the observers who had as their name suggests observe, they had been here for many years doing what they were designed to do many, many years ago when the creator became very forgetful and left something so powerful that it could destroy the world in many different ways which would take a while but as the son of the creators creator said “who gives a damn about a round world?”
This kind of attitude lead to the world being ignored by most senior deities and made the world become quite boring, that’s until the thing that would kill them came to get them. The one thing that humanity as they came to be called came across it in their infant years as sapiens.
This doomsday device was called:
BAD LUCK!
When the first sapient found this new and powerful thing he said was “oh bugger” as he tumbled over a cliff hidden by bracken while looking for food for his big, hungry and mainly greedy family one day while they had been pigging out on what he decided would be called a bore (at this time they had not really have mind for names of their animals) He had been hunting the animals on this plain for over a month now and this particular animal had been on the run from him for over three hours now it was tired and it wanted a rest and it had seen the bracken.in its small and tired mind something told him that this was a perfect place to have a rest and to let this damn fangled two legged sapient to run past him and leave in peace, a bad choice as we will soon see.
The beast ran towards the bracken at a high speed as the human thundered after it and as the human came to where he thought it was he went over the cliff edge and downwards for over many hundreds of feet
The noise accompanying was this:
Arhhghghghghghghghghghhghghghghghgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg…arghhhhhhhhhgyhhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggg.
Just after that, some very hungry birds flew to where he lay in the sand.
as they say in the buissness , to be continued.....
