StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Yes folks, it's time for something completely different.

So, we were reading the book Into Thin Air, by Jon Krakauer in my Language Arts class, and our huge writing assignment for it is to make an "expedition journal" following a person, real or fictional, as if they were climbing with the expedition group. What they do and what happens to them was up to us, as long as it was "a reasonable length".

So, how to make it interesting? Well, the answer came to me while I was flipping through a borrowed copy of the Aliens Colonial Marines Technical Manual (thanks, Darth Uts!): I'll send a Colonial Marine.

A week and a half's worth of writing and revision, and here we are now, with a more or less final copy. It's due Tuesday, so if there is any constructive crticisms you have, please make them known before then.

I'm linking a DL to the document because it formatted rather specifically, which can't be easily reproduced in the board format, if at all.

One final ramble before I give the link: I have no idea how good a read it'll be if you haven't read the book. Hopefully it's still enjoyable, but certainly, it's much better if you've read Into Thin Air already.


The goddamn link:
+http://www.geocities.com/darkprimus0071 ... -diary.doc


EDIT: Uploaded an updated version of it. Only differences is that the times of journal entries are now correct, and I changed the font.

That's ..... strange. It's original and fun. I like it. Nothing much to point out. Except that it lacked the aliens. How can it be the Colonial Marines without them bugs.

But it's fine. That computer stuff with the Y/N stuff reminds me of those Aliens novels. Anyway, you have good stuff, quite original than what your friends could possibly cook up. I mean, a Space Marine sent back through time to climb Mount Everest? That's totally original and cool.

You ought to add a bit where he wrestles with a Polar Bear or something.

Shroom Man 777 wrote:That's ..... strange. It's original and fun. I like it. Nothing much to point out. Except that it lacked the aliens. How can it be the Colonial Marines without them bugs.

Bah. I'm going to write a USCMC movie where they don't fight Xenos, and you are going to love it. Or else.

But it's fine. That computer stuff with the Y/N stuff reminds me of those Aliens novels. Anyway, you have good stuff, quite original than what your friends could possibly cook up. I mean, a Space Marine sent back through time to climb Mount Everest? That's totally original and cool.

Thank you.

You ought to add a bit where he wrestles with a Polar Bear or something.

There's a reason no animals live on Everest.

I want Xenos, dammit.

DPDarkPrimus wrote:
Bah. I'm going to write a USCMC movie where they don't fight Xenos, and you are going to love it. Or else.

Or else what?!

Thank you.

Your welcome.

There's a reason no animals live on Everest.

Because of marauding bands of carnivorous sherpas?

Shroom Man 777 wrote:

DPDarkPrimus wrote:
Bah. I'm going to write a USCMC movie where they don't fight Xenos, and you are going to love it. Or else.

Or else what?!

Or else I'll make an unflattering character in the sequel share your true name.

Well, two can play that game!





Ummm.... what's your true name?

So, are you confirming the creation of a sequel? YAY! Great. Will it have xenos? Probably not Are you joking about the sequal? Probably

I'm talking about that the movies I want to write involving the Colonial Marines would be a series, and that some of them would include Xenos, but not all of them.

...Anybody else read my story?

I liked it. It was very different, but good. Didn't need any damn Xenos, in my opinion.

Only detraction was that it was maybe a little too short.

That was really quite cool.

Spanky The Dolphin wrote: Only detraction was that it was maybe a little too short.

It's much longer than most peoples.