Embracer Of Darkness wrote:Is there any advice, regarding dialogue, anyone can give me in regard to layout? For example; people are running around a chaotic control center mid-battle and the characters are interacting with eachother. Is there any particular way I could describe a character checking consoles, running around and barking orders at the crew etc. without it looking sloppy?
I've tried writing minor peices of dialogue before, but it ended up looking like a nonsensical comma-fest.
You could give descriptions like tense/intense or chaotic or whatnot. But you should also show it in their dialogue. Add punctuation marks, cussing and swearing, yelling and hollering. Plus add some details on the surrounding.
Checking consoles... running around... barking orders?
Hmm...
I'll try to write something. But it's one in the morning in my place... so it might not be as good.
BTW, maybe you can check my Soldiers of the Sovereignty fic! I'd really appreciate it.
John Doe frantically tapped his console. There was a hull breech and Level 16 lost its life support. Level 10 was now a vacuum. Dock 5 was a blazing inferno. People were being cooked alive in Dock 4. Dock 3 lost its life support systems The power grids were critically damaged. The redundant systems and auxilliary batteries were in a critical state.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" hollered the captain. He was pacing around the bridge, he was tense, but then again everybody was tense and the lack of lights, the klaxons and the dim red emergency lights didn't do anything to help at all. The captain was about to yell another curse, but the ship shook again as the shield grids finally failed. The enemy's mass drivers probably had enough kinetic energy to tear the shield generators from their foundations. "Shit! I want damage reports! I WANT DAMAGE REPORTS NOW!"
The computer died. Doe gasped, he became silent and enormous beads of sweat trickled down his face. The computer went back online. Doe sighed in relief.
"Doe, what the hell is going on?" shouted the captain as the ship shook again. This time it was more violent.
"The shields are out and so are the generators! Docks 5, 4, 3 and 2 are fucked and Levels 9 to 18 are all gone!" Doe said. He was scared and his hands were shaking. The captain was cursing and swearing, but all that stopped when the ship shook again. This time it was very violent and accompanied by an enormous bang. All over the bridge, people were falling, the lights failed, the consoles shorted out, the captain who was pacing around was now on the ground, his head was bleeding from a nasty hit with a sharp edged table. "Sir! Are you alright?!"
The captain was unconscious. There was another loud bang.
"We've lost the engines, some magazines on the ship's belly have exploded!" yelled another ensign.
"BRACE FOR IMPACT!" yelled someone monitoring the sensors. This time there was no bang. The bridge grew silent and the ship shook like it was in a tornado. The ceiling of the bridge grew red and it exploded, exposing the crew men to the vacuum. They were sucked into the coldness of space. All dead.